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Etiquette!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I've been pretty cocky bout having face pics on here despite my job. So my question is if you recognised someone off here out in public would you mention it?, now two parts to this.

What if A, there at work and in uniform.

And B. There just out shopping and clearly Alone.

I know I wouldn't approach them in public as I think it would be quite invasive, instead I'd prob just drop them a message on here. That goes for both cases.

So let's here it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It dies my head in..I get recognised every day because of my red hair and tattoos.. but it's rude for people to pint it out I think..I've been with family..friends and colleagues and ppl still insist on letting you know they recognise you. .

Guts. ..I've you do..and you insist on letting me know..message me here..and notttt out in public..

I personally. ..wouldn't ...x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Excuse the typos *

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We would never approach someone unless we had met them before and they had expressly said that it was ok. We wouldn't even message them afterwards unless we were interested in meeting them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd just keep quiet

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It dies my head in..I get recognised every day because of my red hair and tattoos.. but it's rude for people to pint it out I think..I've been with family..friends and colleagues and ppl still insist on letting you know they recognise you. .

Guts. ..I've you do..and you insist on letting me know..message me here..and notttt out in public..

I personally. ..wouldn't ...x"

Yeah I'd say I'm pretty non descript compared to you!. No one will forget a face like that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't mention it either way, if i saw them out i'd ignore them and wouldn't message them either.

If i'd met them before seeing them outside of fab then i'd chat (and have done) but otherwise i'm just a stranger who's seen their pics.

I don't really like it when guys message me saying they've seen me about in my home town. And i definitely wouldn't want them to approach me while i was out doing my stuff, unless we'd spoken or met before.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Discretion is the better part of valour, to coin a phrase. I regularly see a lady in our local shopping centre that I recognise from seeing her on local updates, but would never think of approaching her. Private lives are private for a reason.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

But what if you fancied them and they were alone!, would you attempt to chat them up without mentioning fab?.

Devils advocate x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"But what if you fancied them and they were alone!, would you attempt to chat them up without mentioning fab?.

Devils advocate x"

It would be pretty weird for a couple to start chatting someone up and I think they'd guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

keep schtum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been glad most guys just message me saying they really liked me irl and fancy me but they've never approached me irl, did it on her instead where they know i'm available for chatting up. It does freak me out that someone saw me and i don't know them but that's better than them just coming up to me in the street and trying it on.

I got heckled the other week by some people parked in a car near my house, shouting 'oy sexy', i ignored them so they got louder. I turned round to tell them to shut up coz it was embarrassing, wouldn't be surprised if they were on here. Had my 3 youngest kids with me at the time as well.

Suppose some men or women would like it, maybe if they were in a relaxed atmosphere like a pub or coffee shop and not doing anything much?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm crap at recognising people so there's not much chance in that happening . If by some small chance I did there's no way I'd say something & I'd be mortified if someone approached me!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"But what if you fancied them and they were alone!, would you attempt to chat them up without mentioning fab?.

Devils advocate x

It would be pretty weird for a couple to start chatting someone up and I think they'd guess. "

Not neseceraily! I've been out and quite happily stood talking to a couple who have approached me, that's as far as it went but not uncommon. If I approached a lass in a bar and she was pleasant enough and her fella came back from the loo/bar I'd strike up a convo with him rather than scuttle away like I'd done something wrong

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 28/03/15 00:08:10]

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"But what if you fancied them and they were alone!, would you attempt to chat them up without mentioning fab?.

Devils advocate x

It would be pretty weird for a couple to start chatting someone up and I think they'd guess.

Not neseceraily! I've been out and quite happily stood talking to a couple who have approached me, that's as far as it went but not uncommon. If I approached a lass in a bar and she was pleasant enough and her fella came back from the loo/bar I'd strike up a convo with him rather than scuttle away like I'd done something wrong "

We'll happily chat to people as opposed to chat up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nudge nudge wink wink always works for me! but im sick of changing supermarkets

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By *az191000Man
over a year ago

Carluke

I recon there's a guy off here recognize me that goes to same gym really shouldn't have put up the change room pic , get odd looks of him all the time haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we met at an expo like Olympia, then yes I would introduce myself, trade id's & numbers. If randomly on the street then no. It's about the context of situation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If we met at an expo like Olympia, then yes I would introduce myself, trade id's & numbers. If randomly on the street then no. It's about the context of situation. "

You going to the expo in Birmingham in the next few month? Think it's body power or something??, my mate is competing. If you do see me deffo say hi if your with a trade counter, loads of free stuff wouldn't go amiss either lol

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I think it would be rude to approach someone and mention FAB in the outside world....

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think it would be rude to approach someone and mention FAB in the outside world...."

That seems to be the general census, so why is it folk are shy about face pics when the majority wouldn't take advantage of the recognition?. Oh and it's a shame I'm out of your age range lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't say anything as i've no idea how the person would take it and they may think it rude...

If someone recognised me though I wouldn't much care if they shouted it across the street at me...they'd still get a cheery wave back

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By *umpleteazerWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire


"I think it would be rude to approach someone and mention FAB in the outside world....

That seems to be the general census, so why is it folk are shy about face pics when the majority wouldn't take advantage of the recognition?. Oh and it's a shame I'm out of your age range lol "

Although it is the general consensus there will still be some fools.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would not approach anyone in public that I recognised on here and I wouldn't stare or smile or make eye contact, absolutely nothing. I believe in discretion and I would be annoyed if anyone came up to me.

I wouldn't message them afterwards on here either. So what that you recognise someone, why feel the need to tell them that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

If someone recognised me though I wouldn't much care if they shouted it across the street at me...they'd still get a cheery wave back "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been approached in a bar whilst out with friends, felt very uncomfortable. Asked the person to politely F off. He later messaged me and apologised. Think people need to respect other people's privacy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think people should be discreet.

However I think it's ridiculous when people have face pics on public show but moan about others publicly 'outing' them. Some people are totally clueless- of course there will be some idiot that shouts "OI SWINGER!" across the street.

Why have public face pics but then be surprised and indignant when someone does that?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would never approach anyone off here outside the swinging environment(clubs/socials), no matter how well I know them. To do so lacks discretion and a total disrespect for their privacy.If anybody did it to me they would find themselves on the receiving end of my temper. Believe me you do not want to be there!!

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By *BW100Couple
over a year ago

Suffolk/Norfolk border

We keep our face pics private so I wouldn't expect anyone I share them with to mention Fab if they saw us out, it's about respecting people's privacy. I wouldn't mind it if someone messaged to say they thought they saw me out & about, I think the massive boobs give me away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Despite the attempts at discretion with my pics, I've bee recognised by my hair and shape . I've received messages here about it, but I don't mind that at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would never approach them. Out in real life and the swinging life are 2 different things. Don't think I would like it if I were out and someone came over and said I have seen u on fab

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

In my job in a popular high street store, I saw people from my "local" updates quite regularly.

As someone who (like most, I imagine) prefers to keep my Fab and vanilla life separate, I'd be fuming if somebody approached me out in public, therefore I wouldn't dream of doing it to others.

We don't have public face pics but I felt weird enough when somebody messaged us after a night out, asking if we were at XXX at YYY time, and we had been...

Fair enough, that was more discreet than brazenly walking up and asking us in front of our friends but I still didn't like it, hence messaging to let them know you recognised them (unless in a swinging scene) is still out in my books.

- Amy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get recognised n I have to congratulate guys when they just smile or ask "if I'm having a fab day"....

Discretion always....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What goes on on Fab stays on Fab.. Simple as that isn't it?

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

I would not approach anyone IRL and out their fab use - even if they were alone.

Likewise, I would not tell them I had seen them.

I've had messages telling me I have been seen out and about, described, and told I was with my son - I found it very creepy that someone said all that about me. Felt unsettled - it went on over a few days and a few occasions from the same person... weird!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would anyone think that it is ok to approach a stranger who's pictures and profile they've seen on here? Seriously how stupid are some people?

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts


"Why would anyone think that it is ok to approach a stranger who's pictures and profile they've seen on here? Seriously how stupid are some people?

"

That's the problem, some people DON'T think.

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By *rank_SimoneCouple
over a year ago

Bideford

No never their public life should be separate to their private life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why would anyone think that it is ok to approach a stranger who's pictures and profile they've seen on here? Seriously how stupid are some people?

That's the problem, some people DON'T think."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wales guys! Can you please read the above ^^^

One more person come up to me im gonna scream

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wales guys! Can you please read the above ^^^

One more person come up to me im gonna scream"

Hide your face pics?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wales guys! Can you please read the above ^^^

One more person come up to me im gonna scream"

I sense you will not like my advice but it seems rather obvious if people at not taking heed ~ keep your face pics private.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well, at the risk of sounding controversial i am gonna say that showing my face, or any identifying body parts, online on a site where people can contact me here, does not mean i am up for being approached outside of this site. In fact most guys have acted exactly as if they feel it's ok to contact me on here rather than irl, so they probably agree. Anyone who messages me saying they think they saw me out and about and has nothing on their page then i don't confirm it was me even.

I don't go out with a sign around my neck saying come over and ask me about my online stuff. Nowhere on my profile does it say it's ok to approach me if i'm out and about either.

If people don't understand that others have boundaries then i'd be concerned about that alone, and no i don't have to hide, change my behaviour or pretend it's my fault they don't understand how other people work. They should get better social skills (which is why it's ok to ask these questions on here in the environment we do socialise in for sure) then to just go out and approach people to see if it's ok or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I regularly see a local lady that I'd love to bend over but I would never approach her outside of fab. I've not even picked up the courage to message her on here yet!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wales guys! Can you please read the above ^^^

One more person come up to me im gonna scream

I sense you will not like my advice but it seems rather obvious if people at not taking heed ~ keep your face pics private."

Good advice and so many people keep these pictures purely for this reason.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

No one ever says they recognized. Me.. I guess I just never meet anyone from fabs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would never go up to anyone if they are with people or even if they are alone and wouldn't want anyone from fab to say anything to.me....unless I was alone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wales guys! Can you please read the above ^^^

One more person come up to me im gonna scream

I sense you will not like my advice but it seems rather obvious if people at not taking heed ~ keep your face pics private."

Good advice.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts


"Well, at the risk of sounding controversial i am gonna say that showing my face, or any identifying body parts, online on a site where people can contact me here, does not mean i am up for being approached outside of this site. In fact most guys have acted exactly as if they feel it's ok to contact me on here rather than irl, so they probably agree. Anyone who messages me saying they think they saw me out and about and has nothing on their page then i don't confirm it was me even.

I don't go out with a sign around my neck saying come over and ask me about my online stuff. Nowhere on my profile does it say it's ok to approach me if i'm out and about either.

If people don't understand that others have boundaries then i'd be concerned about that alone, and no i don't have to hide, change my behaviour or pretend it's my fault they don't understand how other people work. They should get better social skills (which is why it's ok to ask these questions on here in the environment we do socialise in for sure) then to just go out and approach people to see if it's ok or not."

No, you shouldn't have to change, but you are expecting complete strangers to have a standard of respect and understanding of boundaries when the sad fact is that the World is full of morons.

You're never going to be able to change or teach certain people that certain behaviours are unacceptable, so so long as people choose to have public face pictures, being recognised and approached by people following their genitals is a risk they're going to have to take.

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman
over a year ago

Tenbury Wells

No

I'd not say anything ever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well, at the risk of sounding controversial i am gonna say that showing my face, or any identifying body parts, online on a site where people can contact me here, does not mean i am up for being approached outside of this site. In fact most guys have acted exactly as if they feel it's ok to contact me on here rather than irl, so they probably agree. Anyone who messages me saying they think they saw me out and about and has nothing on their page then i don't confirm it was me even.

I don't go out with a sign around my neck saying come over and ask me about my online stuff. Nowhere on my profile does it say it's ok to approach me if i'm out and about either.

If people don't understand that others have boundaries then i'd be concerned about that alone, and no i don't have to hide, change my behaviour or pretend it's my fault they don't understand how other people work. They should get better social skills (which is why it's ok to ask these questions on here in the environment we do socialise in for sure) then to just go out and approach people to see if it's ok or not.

No, you shouldn't have to change, but you are expecting complete strangers to have a standard of respect and understanding of boundaries when the sad fact is that the World is full of morons.

You're never going to be able to change or teach certain people that certain behaviours are unacceptable, so so long as people choose to have public face pictures, being recognised and approached by people following their genitals is a risk they're going to have to take."

I'm gonna dig my heels in and insist they change, not me.

I can accept what you're saying in that people don't have boundaries, and i guess the fact that different people have different boundaries will be confusing for some, but they'll learn and figure something out by themselves with enough experience. I will give them the experience that it's not ok to approach me and have done.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts


"Well, at the risk of sounding controversial i am gonna say that showing my face, or any identifying body parts, online on a site where people can contact me here, does not mean i am up for being approached outside of this site. In fact most guys have acted exactly as if they feel it's ok to contact me on here rather than irl, so they probably agree. Anyone who messages me saying they think they saw me out and about and has nothing on their page then i don't confirm it was me even.

I don't go out with a sign around my neck saying come over and ask me about my online stuff. Nowhere on my profile does it say it's ok to approach me if i'm out and about either.

If people don't understand that others have boundaries then i'd be concerned about that alone, and no i don't have to hide, change my behaviour or pretend it's my fault they don't understand how other people work. They should get better social skills (which is why it's ok to ask these questions on here in the environment we do socialise in for sure) then to just go out and approach people to see if it's ok or not.

No, you shouldn't have to change, but you are expecting complete strangers to have a standard of respect and understanding of boundaries when the sad fact is that the World is full of morons.

You're never going to be able to change or teach certain people that certain behaviours are unacceptable, so so long as people choose to have public face pictures, being recognised and approached by people following their genitals is a risk they're going to have to take.

I'm gonna dig my heels in and insist they change, not me.

I can accept what you're saying in that people don't have boundaries, and i guess the fact that different people have different boundaries will be confusing for some, but they'll learn and figure something out by themselves with enough experience. I will give them the experience that it's not ok to approach me and have done."

That's fair enough, but I can see it being a life-long battle so if you've got the patience, go for it.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

I mean, I would like people to stop abusing animals and children. I can scream my demands and stamp my feet as much as I like but unfortunately everyone in the World has free will and I cannot control every other human being.

Until we can figure out mind-control and inject a chip into every living person that gives them a shock everytime they do/think of doing something wrong, we're never going to live in an ideal World.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/03/15 15:38:36]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That's fair enough, but I can see it being a life-long battle so if you've got the patience, go for it. "

I am patient yeah so it is fine. I enjoy educating people too, so i'd get something more out of explaining things to people than changing my behaviour.

As for your animal abuse thing, too right i have seen kids throwing stones at birds in the park and didn't shout at them, i explained why those small stones would hurt a bird. I told them all about size comparison of stones to the birds, and some other stuff about birds because i know a lot about them. And when the kids stopped throwing stones i told them that was better behaviour and smiled at them. I did this all in front of my own kids so they learned stuff too. I'm telling you coz i'm patient and explaining me to you and how i work and think.

You don't need a chip, you just need time and to actually care enough to explain things to people and let them decide what's best. Most people aren't morons they just haven't had enough experience of life or been given any info or education on things considered not important enough to teach at school.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I mean, I would like people to stop abusing animals and children. I can scream my demands and stamp my feet as much as I like but unfortunately everyone in the World has free will and I cannot control every other human being.

Until we can figure out mind-control and inject a chip into every living person that gives them a shock everytime they do/think of doing something wrong, we're never going to live in an ideal World."

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts


"That's fair enough, but I can see it being a life-long battle so if you've got the patience, go for it.

I am patient yeah so it is fine. I enjoy educating people too, so i'd get something more out of explaining things to people than changing my behaviour.

As for your animal abuse thing, too right i have seen kids throwing stones at birds in the park and didn't shout at them, i explained why those small stones would hurt a bird. I told them all about size comparison of stones to the birds, and some other stuff about birds because i know a lot about them. And when the kids stopped throwing stones i told them that was better behaviour and smiled at them. I did this all in front of my own kids so they learned stuff too. I'm telling you coz i'm patient and explaining me to you and how i work and think.

You don't need a chip, you just need time and to actually care enough to explain things to people and let them decide what's best. Most people aren't morons they just haven't had enough experience of life or been given any info or education on things considered not important enough to teach at school."

I understand what you're getting at and I have done the same with kids pulling wings off of bees and kicking an injured hedgehog. But I'm talking about those who know it's wrong and still do it anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And sometimes you don't even need time for people to learn.

Been busy making dinner for my kids and me, and browsing the forums, had a fair amount of texts from a guy who i texted yesterday saying i'm not available at the weekend. Despite being told that info he has decided to text me loads in the past half an hour asking all kinds of stuff, probably because he's bored, but i already told him i was busy yesterday and so ignored him. His last text was an apology and he won't text again coz it's weekend and i'm not free. He learned that by me ignoring meant i really am busy and not available. I won't text back to thank him for his apology or answer any of his questions or he'll learn that i 'might' be avaialable when i say i am not. That was easy enough and i did nothing and going to continue doing nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That's fair enough, but I can see it being a life-long battle so if you've got the patience, go for it.

I am patient yeah so it is fine. I enjoy educating people too, so i'd get something more out of explaining things to people than changing my behaviour.

As for your animal abuse thing, too right i have seen kids throwing stones at birds in the park and didn't shout at them, i explained why those small stones would hurt a bird. I told them all about size comparison of stones to the birds, and some other stuff about birds because i know a lot about them. And when the kids stopped throwing stones i told them that was better behaviour and smiled at them. I did this all in front of my own kids so they learned stuff too. I'm telling you coz i'm patient and explaining me to you and how i work and think.

You don't need a chip, you just need time and to actually care enough to explain things to people and let them decide what's best. Most people aren't morons they just haven't had enough experience of life or been given any info or education on things considered not important enough to teach at school.

I understand what you're getting at and I have done the same with kids pulling wings off of bees and kicking an injured hedgehog. But I'm talking about those who know it's wrong and still do it anyway."

Do they know why they shouldn't do it?

They've justified their behaviour in some way and maybe even had it enforced, all you have to do is find out why and then prove their way of thinking is wrong and prove it to them without confusing them. Like i said that needs time though.

The guy texting me has already learned that when some people say something they stick to it so i don't need to teach him anything more and only enforce what i said by my behaviour.

Nice debate btw, like how it's not gotten ranty and that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That's fair enough, but I can see it being a life-long battle so if you've got the patience, go for it.

I am patient yeah so it is fine. I enjoy educating people too, so i'd get something more out of explaining things to people than changing my behaviour.

As for your animal abuse thing, too right i have seen kids throwing stones at birds in the park and didn't shout at them, i explained why those small stones would hurt a bird. I told them all about size comparison of stones to the birds, and some other stuff about birds because i know a lot about them. And when the kids stopped throwing stones i told them that was better behaviour and smiled at them. I did this all in front of my own kids so they learned stuff too. I'm telling you coz i'm patient and explaining me to you and how i work and think.

You don't need a chip, you just need time and to actually care enough to explain things to people and let them decide what's best. Most people aren't morons they just haven't had enough experience of life or been given any info or education on things considered not important enough to teach at school.

I understand what you're getting at and I have done the same with kids pulling wings off of bees and kicking an injured hedgehog. But I'm talking about those who know it's wrong and still do it anyway.

Do they know why they shouldn't do it?

They've justified their behaviour in some way and maybe even had it enforced, all you have to do is find out why and then prove their way of thinking is wrong and prove it to them without confusing them. Like i said that needs time though.

The guy texting me has already learned that when some people say something they stick to it so i don't need to teach him anything more and only enforce what i said by my behaviour.

Nice debate btw, like how it's not gotten ranty and that. "

You have a point, and great work with the texting guy.

But there's thousands of people out there. You teach 100 of them that it's indiscreet and stupid to shout "oi swinger get yer tits out!" across the road..... what about all the other morons?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If we met at an expo like Olympia, then yes I would introduce myself, trade id's & numbers. If randomly on the street then no. It's about the context of situation.

You going to the expo in Birmingham in the next few month? Think it's body power or something??, my mate is competing. If you do see me deffo say hi if your with a trade counter, loads of free stuff wouldn't go amiss either lol "

I'm not but my trainer is. Nice to meet you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You have a point, and great work with the texting guy.

But there's thousands of people out there. You teach 100 of them that it's indiscreet and stupid to shout "oi swinger get yer tits out!" across the road..... what about all the other morons?"

Firstly i think about whether it's ethical to teach someone or not, because what i think is appropriate isn't for everyone, so some things you only need to teach that it's appropriate to you. Based on this it's also why we so many people struggling on here to interact with complete strangers, they don't know what works when approaching others because they haven't had enough experience and being ignored will frustrate the ones who aren't well socialised because all they are learning is nothing except their approach doesn't work and they don't know why it doesn't.

Secondly, is it even up to me to teach someone their behaviour is wrong or not? Is there someone more appropriate about that could teach them, someone with more experience and knowledge then me or am i the only one who has to teach them? For my own personal interactions i will have to teach others, some other things i can choose to educate others about or leave it to someone more knowledgeable. Most people will have been trained already, they won't take much prompting to curb back on their behaviour and most people are willing to listen. Not sure how or when society got so scary that everyone was afraid of others, but although their are people out there who it would be dangerous to try and reason with, most people would handle it well. Anyway most of that way off track but relevant i think.

Even if text guy had got asked to stop texting he would have still got a response and attention, i always think contradicting yourself is bad and teaches people nothing and is confusing so i stick to what i say (mostly, people who know me will find out i can will rarely be flexible if it suits me). For people who don't know me they will learn eventually, if they think it's worth their while investing time on me to find out.

If someone heckles me publicly, rare but has happened, i just make it clear i don't want to hear it, mostly by ignoring or pretending they don't exist. That way it's obvious to others around me that i don't know the guy and don't want his attention. Most people probably think they're idiots as well, am sure some sympathise, some probably think ooh she was asking for it looking like that, they don't matter either, it's what's going on in my head that counts and nobody elses and i handled it, dealt with it how i wanted to and don't care what anyone else thinks.

When i was with my kids i did tell the guy to shut up, mainly so that my kids knew his behaviour wasn't alright, i have sons and would hate them to catcall women and copy such behaviour. When we got in a asked them if they're ok and we talk about stuff, they think i'm the most intelligent person on this planet btw, more so than their teachers at school even, and i give them a loving but firm authority so they'll always think this.

If someone called me a swinger* i'd ignore them too, nobody elses business what i get up to in private with other consenting adults, i'm not ashamed of being promiscuous, and that's the difference though. I AM NOT ashamed of myself, no-one can shame me or make me care that they don't approve of me. I'll be a bitch sometimes, when it's funny too be a bitch or the situation doesn't really matter, but mostly i will give priority to loving actions and caring actions that mean something and that i consider important. I think animals are important, i hold a lot of beliefs in that they are way more intelligent than people give them credit for and are conscious beings that deserve respect. I'm coming to the conclusion that plant life might also be conscious but have more research to do in this.

*I don't consider myself a swinger, but i'm guessing people could think i'm a swinger or slag or whatever.

Anyway idk, think i've explained a lot here. Probably nothing much to debate as it's mostly personal opinion that might help others or they agree with anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've once received a "I've seen you at the gym" message.

it just comes across as unbearably creepy and made me uncomfortable.

don't mention it nothing good can ever come of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You have a point, and great work with the texting guy.

But there's thousands of people out there. You teach 100 of them that it's indiscreet and stupid to shout "oi swinger get yer tits out!" across the road..... what about all the other morons?

Firstly i think about whether it's ethical to teach someone or not, because what i think is appropriate isn't for everyone, so some things you only need to teach that it's appropriate to you. Based on this it's also why we so many people struggling on here to interact with complete strangers, they don't know what works when approaching others because they haven't had enough experience and being ignored will frustrate the ones who aren't well socialised because all they are learning is nothing except their approach doesn't work and they don't know why it doesn't.

Secondly, is it even up to me to teach someone their behaviour is wrong or not? Is there someone more appropriate about that could teach them, someone with more experience and knowledge then me or am i the only one who has to teach them? For my own personal interactions i will have to teach others, some other things i can choose to educate others about or leave it to someone more knowledgeable. Most people will have been trained already, they won't take much prompting to curb back on their behaviour and most people are willing to listen. Not sure how or when society got so scary that everyone was afraid of others, but although their are people out there who it would be dangerous to try and reason with, most people would handle it well. Anyway most of that way off track but relevant i think.

Even if text guy had got asked to stop texting he would have still got a response and attention, i always think contradicting yourself is bad and teaches people nothing and is confusing so i stick to what i say (mostly, people who know me will find out i can will rarely be flexible if it suits me). For people who don't know me they will learn eventually, if they think it's worth their while investing time on me to find out.

If someone heckles me publicly, rare but has happened, i just make it clear i don't want to hear it, mostly by ignoring or pretending they don't exist. That way it's obvious to others around me that i don't know the guy and don't want his attention. Most people probably think they're idiots as well, am sure some sympathise, some probably think ooh she was asking for it looking like that, they don't matter either, it's what's going on in my head that counts and nobody elses and i handled it, dealt with it how i wanted to and don't care what anyone else thinks.

When i was with my kids i did tell the guy to shut up, mainly so that my kids knew his behaviour wasn't alright, i have sons and would hate them to catcall women and copy such behaviour. When we got in a asked them if they're ok and we talk about stuff, they think i'm the most intelligent person on this planet btw, more so than their teachers at school even, and i give them a loving but firm authority so they'll always think this.

If someone called me a swinger* i'd ignore them too, nobody elses business what i get up to in private with other consenting adults, i'm not ashamed of being promiscuous, and that's the difference though. I AM NOT ashamed of myself, no-one can shame me or make me care that they don't approve of me. I'll be a bitch sometimes, when it's funny too be a bitch or the situation doesn't really matter, but mostly i will give priority to loving actions and caring actions that mean something and that i consider important. I think animals are important, i hold a lot of beliefs in that they are way more intelligent than people give them credit for and are conscious beings that deserve respect. I'm coming to the conclusion that plant life might also be conscious but have more research to do in this.

*I don't consider myself a swinger, but i'm guessing people could think i'm a swinger or slag or whatever.

Anyway idk, think i've explained a lot here. Probably nothing much to debate as it's mostly personal opinion that might help others or they agree with anyway."

You've floored me. Brilliant post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You've floored me. Brilliant post. "

Or it was so long that you fell into a sleepy trance half way through, lol...

Just the way i am, always have been. I focus on things that are important to me, and my opinion about me is more important to me than people who aren't me. People i care about, their opinion matters somewhat.

People who don't know me at all can't really have an opinion on me, and for this reason i've never understood why things like prejudice and gossip exists because these things aren't based on truth or reality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You've floored me. Brilliant post.

Or it was so long that you fell into a sleepy trance half way through, lol...

Just the way i am, always have been. I focus on things that are important to me, and my opinion about me is more important to me than people who aren't me. People i care about, their opinion matters somewhat.

People who don't know me at all can't really have an opinion on me, and for this reason i've never understood why things like prejudice and gossip exists because these things aren't based on truth or reality."

No I meant it. I love reading your musings. I like the way you think, would so love to chat over a brew.

Totally agree about not caring what other people think. I prefer it if they don't understand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It shouldn't matter whether you have face photos or not. At the time I was approached I didn't have face photos but was still recognised and approached when I didn't invite it. Privacy should be respected. Nothing more to it really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You've floored me. Brilliant post.

Or it was so long that you fell into a sleepy trance half way through, lol...

Just the way i am, always have been. I focus on things that are important to me, and my opinion about me is more important to me than people who aren't me. People i care about, their opinion matters somewhat.

People who don't know me at all can't really have an opinion on me, and for this reason i've never understood why things like prejudice and gossip exists because these things aren't based on truth or reality.

No I meant it. I love reading your musings. I like the way you think, would so love to chat over a brew.

Totally agree about not caring what other people think. I prefer it if they don't understand. "

Haha, i make for interesting conversation if i click with people. I don't often get serious, but when i do yeah i know what i'm on about, nice to see someone else gets me too coz i don't think most people get me at all. Thanks.

Empathy is quite hard really because we have to have gone through something to truly understand it ourselves, although we can sympathise with anyone because it's easy to understand feelings. For this reason i sort of get why people don't understand others but think they do. But yeah they don't matter, so long as you're making yourself happy and ok with who you are then everything's fine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As long as it's discrete, I don't mind if someone recognises me. Happened once and she was very discrete. If someone yells it out in the middle of Asda, they'll be found in the freezer under the Ben and Jerrys.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've once received a "I've seen you at the gym" message.

it just comes across as unbearably creepy and made me uncomfortable.

don't mention it nothing good can ever come of it.

"

Did I show you the message from the guy who said he was stood behind me at the co op? fucking creepy! What made it worse was that he said he wanted to touch my ass

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By *ussexsocialMan
over a year ago

Billingshurst

we've recognised people whilst out shopping and just smiled if they caught our eyes, decrection is a major thing for most and we cant see why others think its ok to do more than that, although when Ann was out shopping with our teenage daughter one couple kept just staring and following her round the shops (that creeped her out little ) and a male half of a couple spotted ann while she was working and waited to talk to her two weeks in a row ...that was very very creepy especially after he asked her not to mention it on fab as he didn't want his wife to know !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well, at the risk of sounding controversial i am gonna say that showing my face, or any identifying body parts, online on a site where people can contact me here, does not mean i am up for being approached outside of this site. In fact most guys have acted exactly as if they feel it's ok to contact me on here rather than irl, so they probably agree. Anyone who messages me saying they think they saw me out and about and has nothing on their page then i don't confirm it was me even.

I don't go out with a sign around my neck saying come over and ask me about my online stuff. Nowhere on my profile does it say it's ok to approach me if i'm out and about either.

If people don't understand that others have boundaries then i'd be concerned about that alone, and no i don't have to hide, change my behaviour or pretend it's my fault they don't understand how other people work. They should get better social skills (which is why it's ok to ask these questions on here in the environment we do socialise in for sure) then to just go out and approach people to see if it's ok or not."

This ^^^

Why should I have to? ?

The fact I have face pics on here is not an invite to intrude into my personal life?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well, at the risk of sounding controversial i am gonna say that showing my face, or any identifying body parts, online on a site where people can contact me here, does not mean i am up for being approached outside of this site. In fact most guys have acted exactly as if they feel it's ok to contact me on here rather than irl, so they probably agree. Anyone who messages me saying they think they saw me out and about and has nothing on their page then i don't confirm it was me even.

I don't go out with a sign around my neck saying come over and ask me about my online stuff. Nowhere on my profile does it say it's ok to approach me if i'm out and about either.

If people don't understand that others have boundaries then i'd be concerned about that alone, and no i don't have to hide, change my behaviour or pretend it's my fault they don't understand how other people work. They should get better social skills (which is why it's ok to ask these questions on here in the environment we do socialise in for sure) then to just go out and approach people to see if it's ok or not.

This ^^^

Why should I have to? ?

The fact I have face pics on here is not an invite to intrude into my personal life? "

Exactly

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