FabSwingers.com forum: Don’t Judge Me!

By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Before posting on a subject (and I really do mean any subject involving disclosure of personal choice) it is worth while sitting back for a second or two and considering something…. Do you want to be judged?

There have been numerous comments of “Who are we to judge” and requests of “Don’t judge me”, but the fact of the matter is…. once posted, whatever we type is there to be judged. Whether you intended to or not, once you state one side of the case for your choices and actions, you are indeed asking for it to be judged…. you may have intended it to be judged in the favour of your interpretation/version/_iewpoint and have people say “that seems fair”, but nevertheless, asking for it to be judged is what you are doing. You therefore shouldn’t be surprised if people judge it from a different perspective…. and if they do judge it from a different perspective from the one you had hoped they would judge it from, then I fear it is too late to request that it not be judged.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I post in the forums I expect to be judged for my opinions or actions, that is the way of the real world wether it is right or wrong.

I stand by my opinions although good discussion in the forums over the years have sometimes caused me to change an opinion.

Many people have judged me in the forums over the years, many people who have never met me have definate opinions on me, my beliefs, my opinions and my personality, that will always be the way and I do not think they are wrong for doing it though some may have harshly judged me or got thier opinion of me wrong, that in the end does not matter, it is my choice to post and be judged.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone who posts in a public forum is basically painting a big target on their forehead.

Posters have to accept that they'll get support and shit.

This isn't just a FS thing, it's an internet and even before that, a BBS thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

thats what i think needs re thinking

why you should we should respond in the 'judgement' approach

give your opinion but dont make it a personal affront

be funny, be witty, but supportive, disagree do all those things you know you do well

but keep the judging where it belongs - out of the swing community

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When i post here ....... I expect people to read what i say as the truth how i feel about things. I have to be true to myself and i say it how it is. I will not side with people just to look good like some people do ,, on sites like this. I would never judge a person with out knowing ins and outs of there life as i know it would be very wrong.I have opinions and thats what forums are for not hurting people. Words can cutt like a knifes and i am glad the mods are of the ball as it would really get out of control here. jo xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"thats what i think needs re thinking

why you should we should respond in the 'judgement' approach

give your opinion but dont make it a personal affront

be funny, be witty, but supportive, disagree do all those things you know you do well

but keep the judging where it belongs - out of the swing community "

i wana know who has the big tits and who has the wobbly bum......now can I judge that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"thats what i think needs re thinking

why you should we should respond in the 'judgement' approach

give your opinion but dont make it a personal affront

be funny, be witty, but supportive, disagree do all those things you know you do well

but keep the judging where it belongs - out of the swing community "

Unfortunately the swing community is part of the internet community where anonymity reigns.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a forum, a place to express the freedom of speech so many have fought for. The whole point surely is to say what you want. Then others dicuss it. It wouldn't be much without difference of opinion.

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

... but keep the judging where it belongs - out of the swing community "

But... if someone posts (and this really is meant as in general) "this is my situation and this is what I chose to do"... then:

1 - they are asking to be judged buy the simple fact of posting it.

2 - what else is there to judge other than what the person has chosen to do.

3 - in the event of people replying with "yeah right on, you made the right choice", would they also tell those people not to judge them? Unlikely. So it often appears it is OK to judge as long as people judge in their favour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Polo i think we are discussing semantics

your right - anyone posting on the forum is requesting a response and reaction from forum members

all i am saying no one handed anyone a cap gown and set of rules

give your opinion on the subject just dont make it a personal attack

and that is me being really general too - honest - i enjoy the forums

i read them far more than i participate

and i know some people are very tongue in cheek in most responses - which is for the better with most threads

the only thing i object to is that not you or anyone is a JUDGE -we are not an arbiter of justice who presides over a court with powers or functions to punish or reward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How can you make a judgement without at first hearing all of the facts of that said case.To make judgement and firmly stand by it with out hearing and finding out everything is an immature judgement.Most of the times all I see on here is assumptions dressed up as opinions. A forum or any public debate is just {a debate)people are either for or against a particular subject. To try and make personal assumptions about people outside of what we know or what they have said is an unfair move.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/09/10 14:40:12]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Polo i think we are discussing semantics

your right - anyone posting on the forum is requesting a response and reaction from forum members

all i am saying no one handed anyone a cap gown and set of rules

give your opinion on the subject just dont make it a personal attack

and that is me being really general too - honest - i enjoy the forums

i read them far more than i participate

and i know some people are very tongue in cheek in most responses - which is for the better with most threads

the only thing i object to is that not you or anyone is a JUDGE -we are not an arbiter of justice who presides over a court with powers or functions to punish or reward "

Perhaps one persons "judge" is anothers "opinion".

It's not fair to "judge" everyone as being the same in their written reactions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ok i am obviously hanging on to this subject longer than is healthy lol

I have said my piece and thanks to everyone for discussing this openly in the forums

i am going to retreat now back into my own little world of swing safe in the knowledge the forums are actually more diverse than i first believed

thanks to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Do we not tell people it is always best to use their own judgement when choosing people to meet?

To avoid judging another person’s actions we must first need to put aside our own values and beliefs… which would leave us with very little in the way of opinion.

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

If a person writes something on the forum then people will comment on it and will say if they agree or not with the statement.

If a person comes on and says a statement that a large amount of the swing scene would be up in arms about then people will state their reaction to the statement, like all women are dogs for example(not that anyone said that but an example) then people will come on saying hang on thats not on.

The person saying the rude statement will get judged naturally.

If a person came on saying they are a peodaphile then people will judge and give their opinion on the subject.

If you arent prepared to listen to the replys then dont post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find on sites like this some are just looking to jump on people when thay dont agree with what thay say all the time ........ some people have to be right all the time and then get nasty making statements hoping it will get to other person up-set or hurt them in some way .... and really thay know very little about the person and there life posting on the forum dont make them know the in s and outs of peoples lifes ..... its all most like some people get out of bed the wrong side and have it in for some one and really its them whos not happy......we cant go around judging people on the forum everyone has a right to be here if over 18..... We may not get on with everyone have diffrent veiws but thats what make the forum good if we was all the same be so boring as hell. jo xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its certainly true that once we post, our statements are up there for discussion. Those threads with lots of different _iews are the most exciting I think. Sometimes people can get the wrong end of the stick etc or become a little abusive and that tends to wind people up and it can get a bit hairy then, but on the whole if people state their _iew but do so in a informative way rather than attacking, it is appreciated I think.

We all get things wrong at times though, ive said things that can be deemed offensive, but its about learning from that and moving on and getting better

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I do judge

I just choose when to comment and when not to..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I do judge

I just choose when to comment and when not to.."
at last your being truthfull saying that. And hope not nasty but open mind .

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 27/09/10 18:22:02]

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I do judge

I just choose when to comment and when not to.. at last your being truthfull saying that. And hope not nasty but open mind ."

both of the above start with I...

I am only responsible and accountable for what I do..

and what I do will be agreed to by some and not by others.. and thats their choice and I respect that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't expect to be judged at all.

The opinion I give is usually either hypothetical or based on actual experience...it is not all of me, but part of me and you cannot judge on that alone.

what you can do is disagree with me; i will willingly enter into a debate if that's the case....not an argument nor a personal attack. I may even change my mind if your argument is convincing enough.

I won't assume someone is a complete asshole if i wholly disagree with them nor will i think them a wise old owl if i agree, it's just that their experience differs to mine.

i like the freedom of debate that allows me to disagree with a person in one thread and back their ideas up on another...i'm not two-faced for doing that, i'm just not chosing to judge them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look to yourself first.

I don't offend anyone. If they are offended they have chosen to be.

I judge everyone and everything they say.

I've never taken offence to anything anyone has said here.

If anyone has ever _iewed a post of mine as being an attack on them they flatter themselves and their inflate their own importance.

They must assume a lot and their feelings are their own , not mine.

Which brings me full circle.

Look to yourself first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In answer to Polo's Q.....

Often I consider before posting and Often I don't

Only because some posts are utter shite and I don't want to be seen writing on them.

So ....... yeah ...... I must care if im judged but if a topic is worth it or just harmless fun I'll post.

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

[Removed by poster at 27/09/10 18:57:19]

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

I have always said (of posting in the forums) "if you cant stand the heat, stay outta the kitchen".

Some people can possibly be forgiven for posting in haste and then regretting it, maybe they are new and just keen to join in.

But some seem to make a habit out of posting, and then whining when they get "flamed". Perhaps a version of the "look at me" type of post?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

granny xxx how did the inter_iew go xx

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

oops meant to send privately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"oops meant to send privately

It went great thanks sex kitten and I claim the dozen fucks you promised in celebration!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

oops me too !

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"oops meant to send privately

It went great thanks sex kitten and I claim the dozen fucks you promised in celebration!!"

well done Granny xxx

cause for a celebration indeed xxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am guilty of judging someone, i admit it and i am not afraid to do so, but i am not judging the person, only what they do/agree with. That is my choice, i have however started to think differently about things i dont agree with, thats not to say that i will change my mind totally nor will i understand but i may think more before i comment about why i dont agree rather than jumping in at the deep end with my gob wide open and guns a-blazing.

I am also guilty that i often read a post and comment without reading all that has been said, therefore if there has been a lot of comments, its pointless commenting as its likely what i think will have already been said.

It is all about having a healthy debate and i may not agree with people's lifestyles but there are some people that come across on here as lovely decent human beings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have always been quick to judge. However, events that occurred in the past 6 years of my life have taught me to be more humble, and that I should try wearing the other person's shoes and walk around in them for a while first in order to better appreciate why he/she does something the way he/she does etc...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the real world we all judge everyday of our lives.

People who watch benefit scroungers on Kyle last week probably judged the woman with 6 kids and 1 in the oven who is currently getting £1700 a month and more to come soon when the next kid is born, she won't let her younger boyfriend work in bars in case he meets someone younger and prettier - would you judge her ?

People who watched the twin towers fall probably judged the perpetrators of the hijacks without understanding thier beliefs - are we wrong to judge them for what they did.

When we read about partents jetting off to Spain leaving young children to fend for themselves, we judge the parents withoug knowing anything of thier problems or life.

The Government are judged in the forums every week.

Footballers and many other celebreties are judged most weeks in the forums.

Is that wrong, you may argue that people in such positions put themselves up to be judged by the very nature of thier trade.

I might argue that people who put things about themselves or thier opinions in the forums do the same.

So many on here say "we don't judge people"

Bet ya do really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jed yes i can see where your coming from and people do look at other peoples lifes and put them into boxes , Its just we was chating about people on forum here jumping on people with out knowing the in s and outs ,,,,,, like yesterday the lady playing away, How did people here not know she could have a very ill dieing husband and just need to be made to feel like a woman to keep herself together so she can go back look after him ? Yes come across ladys like this and i have felt for them and men just because a person have a ring on there finger thay should not have a life. Yes the trust thing and all the crap that go with it come into play thay are the ones who have to live with that not us. We are here one time on this earth and time pass so fast. jo x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think for some people,if you disagree with anything they have said, they think it is an attack and that throws the thread off on one.

I also think if a few people or a lot of people disagree with a OP on a thread or something else they have said that they think it is a "gang" ganging up on them.

What people fail to forget is, most of us have our own minds and will post to that effect.

Some people turn up on a thread when it gets heated , as if that is all they were waiting for but most people just have an opinion, wether that is judging or not.

If it is a positive reaction to a post that is accepted, but an opposing one causes trouble.....

If you add a thread to a forum, then you will have to accept that people will answer on what they can see in front of them. If they are just disagreeing with what you have said but you think they shouldn't be, then maybe forums are not for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you know Rugby you have it so right there very good post xxx

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By *john121Man
over a year ago

staffs

as long as we have the ability to think for ourselves and voice our thoughts you'll always get peeps who disagree and think that its a personal attack on them and their values and beliefs, after all isn't that why we have the military forces! thats probably taking it to the extreme but you I'm sure get my point...or don't you? unfortunately some are not able to look at the comments or are unable to make comments without emotions and some that believe they are right above all others. aren't we an interesting species!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every one judges to a degree just like everyone has an opinion, be a very boring world if we didn't all have an opinion. My opinion might be different from yours, my opinion might not be right for you but it is for me or vice versa, I see no problem in that, its just when some people think their opinions always right and slate others for having a different way of thinking, to me this is wrong and I have seen it time and time again in here. Put your way of thinking across, yes that's what the forum is all about but to ram your way of thinking down someone's throat isn't.

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

I don't always agree with my own posts.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

I don't always agree with my own posts."

I always disagree with your posts as a matter of course.

Apart from the 'I love funky, I think he's great' thread you did that time, that one was sooo money.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't always agree with my own posts."
why do you wright them then ?? is it to get us all going , lol xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think for some people,if you disagree with anything they have said, they think it is an attack and that throws the thread off on one.

I also think if a few people or a lot of people disagree with a OP on a thread or something else they have said that they think it is a "gang" ganging up on them.

What people fail to forget is, most of us have our own minds and will post to that effect.

Some people turn up on a thread when it gets heated , as if that is all they were waiting for but most people just have an opinion, wether that is judging or not.

If it is a positive reaction to a post that is accepted, but an opposing one causes trouble.....

If thats the case then at what stage do they get banned from the forums? Surely an opinion is what someone is entitled to?

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

"Some people turn up on a thread when it gets heated , as if that is all they were waiting for but most people just have an opinion, wether that is judging or not."

I would imagine that would be the case sometimes, Rugby. Just have to remember that not all of us can be on here all day and only get here when the thread has been open a while. So my next post is my opinion and not just a "rage against the machine!"

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

We all judge, but for quite a few posters it is not PC to judge! Surely, although we are on a site hat allows us to arrange sexual liaisons with other like minded people, we should still have some moral values! I know many on here have, but I fear that more and more don’t have any or their values are very low.

Take, for instance the post from a few days ago mentioned by Game4it about the lady cheating on her husband. No matter which way you cut it, there is no excuse for cheating on your partner that makes it OK. If as Game suggested the husband was terminally ill and about to die, why would she be thinking about sex!!! If the relationship isn’t working, get out and look for others… And to assist someone…

And that is the one aspect of FAB that we don’t like! The blind acceptance that everyone is entitled to do what they want and if they want to “x” then that is ok, move on and ignore! As in the example above, why should we accept that as OK? Why should someone with no or very low moral values become the level at which we “trade” Why are we “dumbing down”?

Take it from a personal _iewpoint. How would you feel if you found out that your significant other had been on a swingers site trying to meet people for sex (Given that you were still vanilla!) How would you feel if you found out that someone you knew quite well was helping to get those meets? Pretty gutted I would think! I know that it would devastate me and I suspect that it would do the same to many on here.

One last point. I was in a chat room on another site last night and someone brought up other sites and many were mentioned. FAB was mentioned (It took me a while to realise it was FAB! They called it Thunderbirds!) and it was called a cheating site! I did defend the site, but that is what got me thinking. There have been a number of posts since we have been on here that have accepted that cheats have the right to be here and perhaps that is the problem. Sorting out and posting moral guidance is not something that us mere mortals can or should do, but there should be moral or ethical guidance from the owners as this will without doubt attract more Sunday muck rags to our pages to catch juicy gossip for a slow news day..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Game4it about the lady cheating on her husband. No matter which way you cut it, there is no excuse for cheating on your partner that makes it OK. If as Game suggested the husband was terminally ill and about to die, why would she be thinking about sex!!

I have two friends not on here .. so i can chat about this her husband cancer down there ,,, and yes dieing could take years she has no sex with him what so ever but love him loads and wish to be there for him ... her family come and let her have weekends of now and again we go out together she is my friend been that now years and is bi we have fun she tells him nothing as dont wish to up set him in no way.To me she is holding there lifes together so she can go back and cope. jo xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some people turn up on a thread when it gets heated , as if that is all they were waiting for but most people just have an opinion, wether that is judging or not.

xx"

Bloody well said that woman!!!

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

"Game4it about the lady cheating on her husband. No matter which way you cut it, there is no excuse for cheating on your partner that makes it OK. If as Game suggested the husband was terminally ill and about to die, why would she be thinking about sex!!

Personally Jo, I think that is cheating! Suppose he found out, what would that do for his health? Perhaps sex is more impoortant than some peoples "significant other". Once he has passed on, she will have all the time in the world to play around without the risk of hurting her husband. Pete xx

(Long time no see Jo,xx)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

pete he has had this now 5 years some cancers come and go ,,, this one comes back. she has a high sex drive years younger and a fab lady toys can only do so much... Yes long time no see xx when we all getting together xxxx clubing god thay was the good old days. xx

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I didn't post on yesterdays thread about the 'married friend' but will on the hypothetical 'lady with ill hubby' being supported on here by a fem pal.

assuming the friend was experienced on here...

I can only liken the encouragement to come on here as:

like a vulnerable lamb to the slaughter.. by the baying wolves of guys who would have little if no regard to her situation or her feelings.

within seconds of joining, the pack that cruise the 'new women' icon would pounce with the usual shite like.. 'love your profile' , 'hi want a hard cock up ya'.. etc etc etc..

if there is a need to join, a good friend may suggest..

1 join and write a profile and be clear you are not going to be rushed.

2 be clear you will find them when you want to have coffee/chat etc

3 block all single guys then no abusive, disrespectful messages that MAY come in.. ( assuming they only come from single guys and not hubby's in couple profiles )

4 sit and be coached by experienced pal on use of chat, forums and socials as a way to get a feel for certain guys that may take your fancy.

5 consider taking her to a swingers club

there are bloody nice guys who would treat the lady well on here...... but the thought of her being exposed to some.... makes me shudder.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Recently Sasha was ill, she still is but is recovering very well, when she took ill I immediately deleted our account on the site, I was not interested in playing alone while she was not well, we do play alone but out of love and respect for her I just would not do it when she was not feeling her best, I wanted to be at home looking after her and making her feel better.

One thing I always wonder about people on here who are cheating on partners, "why don't they both come on here as a couple or as singles" I can only assume (because without facts human beings not only judge but also assume) that it is because one part of the couple would be against swinging, that to me makes the cheating in this way even worse than an affair, they wouldn't be happy with an affair but they would be really upset at thier partner doing something they do not even believe is right to do.

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

"Recently Sasha was ill, she still is but is recovering very well, when she took ill I immediately deleted our account on the site, I was not interested in playing alone while she was not well, we do play alone but out of love and respect for her I just would not do it when she was not feeling her best, I wanted to be at home looking after her and making her feel better.

Thats because your a thoughtful partner and many are not as some that posted about helping a friend to cheat on her partner and those that cheat in general.

Some people will think, the person is ill so what about sex for me then? Others wil think as you did and think of their ill partner and sex becomes unimportant.

Some maybe are termanally ill and then maybe that person would say to their partner that they are happy for them to still have a sex life and how they choose to do it is their choice. Others termianl may not be well enough to think of their partners sexual needs.

High five to those like you who are considerate and think of the ill person first. That makes you a nice person in my opinion. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

gosh this has really caught everyones attention hasnt it!!

i stand by comments on this one

have your opinion

express your opinion

just dont turn it on an individual and make it personnel - you do not have the right -

and to the post who was unhappy about the 'anything that goes' approach i would like to say this

'anything does not go' in our relationship

but unless your doing something to hurt someone or its illegal then i may disagree with it and let you know - but i would leave it there and walk by

if you want the kind of site that is for cpl or swingers only (and nothing else is allowed to be entertained) then thats a different forum subject and it would be an interesting one to read/participate in-

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Some people turn up on a thread when it gets heated , as if that is all they were waiting for but most people just have an opinion, wether that is judging or not.

xx"

You either read more into my post that was there or I didn't explain it well.

I mean what can only be described as people who thrive on conflict and turn up on threads that are already heated just to inflame a bit more.

It is very interesting that after reading my post,you thought you needed to defend yourself.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I think for some people,if you disagree with anything they have said, they think it is an attack and that throws the thread off on one.

I also think if a few people or a lot of people disagree with a OP on a thread or something else they have said that they think it is a "gang" ganging up on them.

What people fail to forget is, most of us have our own minds and will post to that effect.

Some people turn up on a thread when it gets heated , as if that is all they were waiting for but most people just have an opinion, wether that is judging or not.

If it is a positive reaction to a post that is accepted, but an opposing one causes trouble.....

If thats the case then at what stage do they get banned from the forums? Surely an opinion is what someone is entitled to? "

It obviously depends on how that opinion was expressed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure its that one part of the couple would be against swinging, its more the cheating bit they would be against.

btw, i agree with Fruit too about you being a nice man, and to me its a partners responsibility to look after their ill partner "in sickness and in health" etc

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

"Some people turn up on a thread when it gets heated , as if that is all they were waiting for but most people just have an opinion, wether that is judging or not.

You either read more into my post that was there or I didn't explain it well.

I mean what can only be described as people who thrive on conflict and turn up on threads that are already heated just to inflame a bit more.

It is very interesting that after reading my post,you thought you needed to defend yourself."

Missed this!

Errr!! I would have thought the green smiley would have conveyed the fact that I was "avin a laff".. But yes, I have been guilty!

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

I tend to come into threads and post when I have time and read something that interests me.

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