FabSwingers.com forum: Do many masters miss the point?

By *iceshorts OP Man
over a year ago

Surrey / City

I have just encounted a master and sub where the master appears to me to be exploiting the woman because of his own real life inadequacies and using the relationship to infate his own self esteem than pleasure the wonderful woman's sub tendencies. I found this uncomfortable. I believe I understand the needs of a sub woman but this seemed strange. What is your experience of the master sub relationship?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This well be interesting indeed

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

How is it exploitative, and how do you know its to cover his inadequacies?

The power in a d/s relationship is entirely with the submissive - and if its not, its not d/s its abuse.

Also, every d/s relationship is very different. I am now on the 3rd proper dominant in my lifetime, and all have been very different experiences.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How is it exploitative, and how do you know its to cover his inadequacies?

The power in a d/s relationship is entirely with the submissive - and if its not, its not d/s its abuse.

Also, every d/s relationship is very different. I am now on the 3rd proper dominant in my lifetime, and all have been very different experiences."

Well said

))

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the last 12+ years I have been lucky enough to have the pleasure of 3 "subs"...

All complely different and all wanted different things from our relationship.....

The level of respect trust and the amount of time that's put into a well established DOM/sub relationship is huge....

This coupled with amazing communication both ways would be there but maybe as you were looking "in" you wouldn't have seen it??,?,,,

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By *iceshorts OP Man
over a year ago

Surrey / City

"How is it exploitative, and how do you know its to cover his inadequacies?

The power in a d/s relationship is entirely with the submissive - and if its not, its not d/s its abuse.

Also, every d/s relationship is very different. I am now on the 3rd proper dominant in my lifetime, and all have been very different experiences."

How is it exploitative, and how do you know its to cover his inadequacies?

The power in a d/s relationship is entirely with the submissive - and if its not, its not d/s its abuse.

Also, every d/s relationship is very different. I am now on the 3rd proper dominant in my lifetime, and all have been very different experiences.[/quote

Well this appeared to be more about him getting more pleasure being labelled master than the pleasure he gave her. And how he is not calm in his strength but incongruent. When master and sub have it together you can see it and feel it and she melts. This was not one partnership but a man playing games with all around and playing alpha male rather than the master. As you say each master is different and we would each create our own sub dom relationship.

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By *iceshorts OP Man
over a year ago

Surrey / City

"In the last 12+ years I have been lucky enough to have the pleasure of 3 "subs"...

All complely different and all wanted different things from our relationship.....

The level of respect trust and the amount of time that's put into a well established DOM/sub relationship is huge....

This coupled with amazing communication both ways would be there but maybe as you were looking "in" you wouldn't have seen it??,?,,,

Yes understood. More about how he was engaging with others. Just seemed to be more about him being dominant than her being sub. I think that's what I found awkward.

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

To me, the important line in that is "Well this appeared to be more..." so its entirely subjective on what you expect a d/s relationship to be.

My dominant can be incongruent at times - its part of the trust we have in each other... and to avoid it becoming predictable.

Most dominants are alpha males - its part of the appeal of a dominant that it is part of their personality.

Remember, she should also have her safe words and a code between them - and has the power as a consenting adult to withdraw that consent - either verbally, or physically by walking away from the situation.

Oh, and I do realise the difference between dominant and abusive having been in very abusive relationships - that is a completely different circumstance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you (OP) have missed the point of a D/S relationship completely.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To me, the important line in that is "Well this appeared to be more..." so its entirely subjective on what you expect a d/s relationship to be.

My dominant can be incongruent at times - its part of the trust we have in each other... and to avoid it becoming predictable.

Most dominants are alpha males - its part of the appeal of a dominant that it is part of their personality.

Oh, and I do realise the difference between dominant and abusive having been in very abusive relationships - that is a completely different circumstance."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A master should always put his Submissive first.

" what she wants" failing that he has no idea, and out for himself.

Boundaries set by both, crossed,one or the other should be dismissed.

Her

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

Yes understood. More about how he was engaging with others. Just seemed to be more about him being dominant than her being sub. I think that's what I found awkward. "

Well, as we were not there it is very difficult to judge his behaviour with others... perhaps that is something his sub enjoys?

There are many things my dominant will do that to an outsider would seem way more about his pleasure than mine, but it has all been very carefully discussed, is within our rules and guidelines and is a close bond of trust. We are both conscious that any breach of that trust could possibly destroy something that both of us cherish and hold very dear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a room full of men, one being a DOM is a room full of men!!

A room full of men, one being a DOM but this time he has his sub behind him......

It's still a room full of men however there is only one person in charge?????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"a room full of men, one being a DOM is a room full of men!!

A room full of men, one being a DOM but this time he has his sub behind him......

It's still a room full of men however there is only one person in charge????? "

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By *iceshorts OP Man
over a year ago

Surrey / City

"I think you (OP) have missed the point of a D/S relationship completely.

Mrs

Possibly this was just strange. I know the dom sub trusted relationship personally and the nuances. Just appeared to be struggling with the circumstance he was in and covering up at the woman's expense.

I guess it's hard to see the full relationship from outside

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

I am still unsure what has you so unsettled OP...?

You say you know the dom sub relationship personally and the nuances... but each and every d/s relationship is different. I am a different sub to each of my dominants over the different times in my life - but I am not the same person I was when I first experienced it at 19... and I am sure my current d/s will develop and change over time too.

Not sure what you mean by covering up at the womans expense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My relationship with my Domme is a power exchange. In reality I am much much stronger physically than she.

In scene my submission is absolute to the uneducated eye. I was asked this afternoon about hypnotism! I wasn't hypnotised. I was in my own space brought on simply by tying my body up tightly.

My domme understands my needs and reads my responses. She gets off on my reactions to what she does for me.

Anyone who watches us together can see there is something much deeper than whips and chains. Watch very closely and you may start to understand. Try it and you may truly know.

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By *on1Man
over a year ago

spain

Contact me please. Feelings all over the place about her. Just how far do I go ?

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By *on1Man
over a year ago

spain

Paws how can you says its not you ?

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By *on1Man
over a year ago

spain

Safety word enough said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My relationship with my Domme is a power exchange. In reality I am much much stronger physically than she.

In scene my submission is absolute to the uneducated eye. I was asked this afternoon about hypnotism! I wasn't hypnotised. I was in my own space brought on simply by tying my body up tightly.

My domme understands my needs and reads my responses. She gets off on my reactions to what she does for me.

Anyone who watches us together can see there is something much deeper than whips and chains. Watch very closely and you may start to understand. Try it and you may truly know. "

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