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partner just not interested

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

mr r posting here,

miss c mum to two children one being a 7 week old baby.

ive noticed from having our first child shes lost interest and now that shes had another baby there is no chance at all!

Please help ! any tips from mothering mums be great!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

lost sexual interest I should say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shes probly just to distracted and has a lot of work with the new baby.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You came to the right place

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By *ral.steveMan
over a year ago

LEEDS

7 weeks old give her time for Godsake night feeds and every thing else she prob tied

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe give her a night off from the baby..let her charge again.

Her

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"7 weeks old give her time for Godsake night feeds and every thing else she prob tied"

I am the father and participate in both children's up bring, if you read the original message it does suggest its been a ongoing issue since our first child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"mr r posting here,

miss c mum to two children one being a 7 week old baby.

ive noticed from having our first child shes lost interest and now that shes had another baby there is no chance at all!

Please help ! any tips from mothering mums be great!!"

Selfish cow

Fancy not wanting sex 7 weeks after having a baby, I mean its not like she has anything to do all day looking after two children

Give her a couple of pro plus and tell her to buck her ideas up

These women

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

take a fckn big load off her back do the night feeds work till your so tired you wouldnt want sex, then youll see her side for a change! do you help at all or just think when can she play again?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are plenty of other ways to be close. It's exhausting having a baby and some women go off sex for a very long time.

Don't pressure her and just be there for her. Give her plenty of time and support... Run her a bath, look after baby... Give her a none sexual massage or something. Cook her a nice meal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"7 weeks old give her time for Godsake night feeds and every thing else she prob tied

I am the father and participate in both children's up bring, if you read the original message it does suggest its been a ongoing issue since our first child."

Maybe you dont satisfy her

Mr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"7 weeks old give her time for Godsake night feeds and every thing else she prob tied

I am the father and participate in both children's up bring, if you read the original message it does suggest its been a ongoing issue since our first child.

Maybe you dont satisfy her

Mr"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loads of women go off sex after childbirth its really not uncommon

Maybe she's feeling a little tired, frumpy and unsexy, again common so soon after giving birth

Have a wank and give her time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Time.

Understanding.

Communication.

Support.

.

.

.

Try those and good luck op.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/03/15 01:07:27]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Loads of women go off sex after childbirth its really not uncommon

Maybe she's feeling a little tired, frumpy and unsexy, again common so soon after giving birth

Have a wank and give her time "

I agree! I also agree with the other post about being close in other ways. Slowly but surely things will get back on track. Try to be understanding and try new things, again as the other reply said try sexual massages etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think with your mind not your COCK... take some of the work load of your partner sex is not everything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not just give some constructive criticism without slagging him off. He does have a point in his question as the issue has persisted since their 1st child and sex is an important pair bonding tool towards a healthy relationship and with regards to the children.

If the parents are getting on well them that transfer back to the children having a better upbringing with less drama in it.

My advice mate would be to air out your concerns as you stated here and come to mutually beneficial compromise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why not just give some constructive criticism without slagging him off. He does have a point in his question as the issue has persisted since their 1st child and sex is an important pair bonding tool towards a healthy relationship and with regards to the children.

If the parents are getting on well them that transfer back to the children having a better upbringing with less drama in it.

My advice mate would be to air out your concerns as you stated here and come to mutually beneficial compromise."

He has had constructive criticism. Do you have any idea how hard it is to have a baby and those first few weeks with the new baby.... Not to mention having another child to look after too

Yes sex is important between a couple but not that important that you can't wait a bit. Plenty of other ways to have intimacy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Why not just give some constructive criticism without slagging him off. He does have a point in his question as the issue has persisted since their 1st child and sex is an important pair bonding tool towards a healthy relationship and with regards to the children.

If the parents are getting on well them that transfer back to the children having a better upbringing with less drama in it.

My advice mate would be to air out your concerns as you stated here and come to mutually beneficial compromise."
cheers light bulb. funny as I actually supply light bulbs lol.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

now finishing a night feed . good night thanks for your replies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Give her Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan to read and watch the film Sex after Kids

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Give the poor guy a break! You people need to get off your high horse!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to ask an obvious question but, if she's gone off sex, what could you offer as a couple on a swinging site to people that you meet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"mr r posting here,

miss c mum to two children one being a 7 week old baby.

ive noticed from having our first child shes lost interest and now that shes had another baby there is no chance at all!

Please help ! any tips from mothering mums be great!!"
To be brutally honest, not too impressed that you are trying to play solo from a couples profile, that you have a 7 week old baby but want to go play away whilst your missus isn't that interested and that you are bitching about it on here.

If I were you and would be stepping back for a while and asking myself some serious questions about myself and the relationship with your partner.

Sorry to be so frank, but some things should take priority. . .

Mr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry to ask an obvious question but, if she's gone off sex, what could you offer as a couple on a swinging site to people that you meet?"

I was going to ask exactly the same, especially as she has been off sex since the first child

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why not just give some constructive criticism without slagging him off. He does have a point in his question as the issue has persisted since their 1st child and sex is an important pair bonding tool towards a healthy relationship and with regards to the children.

If the parents are getting on well them that transfer back to the children having a better upbringing with less drama in it.

My advice mate would be to air out your concerns as you stated here and come to mutually beneficial compromise."

He hasn't mentioned age of first child, for all we know the age gap between two children could be close.

When I had my one and only child I went of sex for years, to bloody knackered, did pretty much every night feed, plus all day long running around after the child.

Sorry swinging for me at that time was the last thing on my mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"mr r posting here,

miss c mum to two children one being a 7 week old baby.

ive noticed from having our first child shes lost interest and now that shes had another baby there is no chance at all!

Please help ! any tips from mothering mums be great!!"

Take a break from fab.

I think this is something you should discuss with her, more than asking a forum for the magic ingredient to rekindle her interest.

She must have had some interest otherwise the youngest child wouldn't have happened.

Give her time, show her support, and hang up your swinging boots until she is ready.

If she is feeling a little low and preoccupied, seeing this thread really isn't going to help her.

Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Give the poor guy a break! You people need to get off your high horse!!! "

Do you know how hard it is to look after a child? I looked after my nephew like he was my own, I did night feeds, bathed, fed and looked after him, to help his parents out, he's 7 now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your partner is only 22, to me this would suggest both children born pretty close together.

Instead of looking for party invites would you not be better staying at home and letting your wife go out so she can have a few hours break from the children.

There's also the possibility that she "swing" before children were born more to please you than wanting to, I've no idea if this is the case but it's a possibility. She may have decided since children were born that swinging isn't her priority.

I think it's selfish of you to go out looking and attending meets leaving your partner at home bringing up your two children.

A question for you, is swinging more important than your family?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"mr r posting here,

miss c mum to two children one being a 7 week old baby.

ive noticed from having our first child shes lost interest and now that shes had another baby there is no chance at all!

Please help ! any tips from mothering mums be great!!To be brutally honest, not too impressed that you are trying to play solo from a couples profile, that you have a 7 week old baby but want to go play away whilst your missus isn't that interested and that you are bitching about it on here.

If I were you and would be stepping back for a while and asking myself some serious questions about myself and the relationship with your partner.

Sorry to be so frank, but some things should take priority. . .

Mr"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your partner is only 22, to me this would suggest both children born pretty close together.

Instead of looking for party invites would you not be better staying at home and letting your wife go out so she can have a few hours break from the children.

There's also the possibility that she "swing" before children were born more to please you than wanting to, I've no idea if this is the case but it's a possibility. She may have decided since children were born that swinging isn't her priority.

I think it's selfish of you to go out looking and attending meets leaving your partner at home bringing up your two children.

A question for you, is swinging more important than your family? "

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"mr r posting here,

miss c mum to two children one being a 7 week old baby.

ive noticed from having our first child shes lost interest and now that shes had another baby there is no chance at all!

Please help ! any tips from mothering mums be great!!

Selfish cow

Fancy not wanting sex 7 weeks after having a baby, I mean its not like she has anything to do all day looking after two children

Give her a couple of pro plus and tell her to buck her ideas up

These women "

I was thinking the same thing. I'd play away myself and seek sympathy on a swingers site: that'd teach the frigid mare!

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield


"mr r posting here,

miss c mum to two children one being a 7 week old baby.

ive noticed from having our first child shes lost interest and now that shes had another baby there is no chance at all!

Please help ! any tips from mothering mums be great!!

lost sexual interest I should say

"

You are right to be concerned; any loving partner would be concerned about the matter.

The birth of a child may alter the new mother's sex drive. Some mothers want sex straight after the birth some go off sex for a while.

This is normal sometimes due impart to the changing hormones in pregnancy rebalancing after childbirth.

However they may be other reasons some such as postnatal depression which may need the intervention of counselling or even drugs to overcome.

It is advised that for the first four to six weeks after childbirth sexual intercourse should (if attempted) be gentle and loving as there is a chance of haemorrhage lubricant may have to be used due to lowering of estrogen levels at this time.

The problem of low sex drive may only be short term then return to pre pregnancy level if that is the case then nothing needs to be done, or it may be long term.

In the case of long term loss of sex drives there are many ways to “improve” the situation.

These include simple measures such as having a nap during the day, the male partner sharing the care of the child (children), talking to your partner.

Even the chance to pamper herself by having a long warm bath or a glass of wine to help change from being in mummy mode to wife and lover mode may help.

Lack of sex drive after birth of a child may resolve by itself but it may require help from a GP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"7 weeks old give her time for Godsake night feeds and every thing else she prob tied"

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Your partner is only 22, to me this would suggest both children born pretty close together.

Instead of looking for party invites would you not be better staying at home and letting your wife go out so she can have a few hours break from the children.

There's also the possibility that she "swing" before children were born more to please you than wanting to, I've no idea if this is the case but it's a possibility. She may have decided since children were born that swinging isn't her priority.

I think it's selfish of you to go out looking and attending meets leaving your partner at home bringing up your two children.

A question for you, is swinging more important than your family? "

Indeed!

I was 22 when I had my first child. The "trauma" of the birth scared me from even going to the loo as I had stitches. Six weeks to the day my husband said you can have sex now.

He'd never heard me swear! Sex was the last thing on my mind. Him helping around the house, looking after the baby, being supportive made a he'll of a difference and our sex life resumed!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my kids were young, my husband would drive them around for FOUR hours every night just so I could get some sleep. That was the only sleep I got. For months and months.

I couldn't nap when they did as if I wasn't holding them a certain way, they wouldn't nap.

Kids is brutal.

And when you do finally get some "me time" you fancy maybe brushing your teeth. You don't want to jump on your partner and satisfy his needs as you've been trying to madly keep up with the needs of two very small dependant people 24/7. You want time for yourself on your own!

I didn't really consider trying to get my sex life back on track until my youngest was in full-time school. And even then it's tough.

And my husband does loads, he cooks, he tidies up, he takes the kids out for a day every weekend so I can get a break. We do it like shift work, I cover the nights and early mornings and he does some of the day.

Buy her the book "What do mothers do: especially when it feels like nothing" and give her a hug. Then go buy yourself some porn or something. Hang in there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are plenty of other ways to be close. It's exhausting having a baby and some women go off sex for a very long time.

Don't pressure her and just be there for her. Give her plenty of time and support... Run her a bath, look after baby... Give her a none sexual massage or something. Cook her a nice meal. "

A fair point ... It really is about being selfless right now

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

OP Im a mum to a 3 yr old step daughter we have custody off, 2yr old twins and im now pregnant with our 4th and final child so heres things from my point of view.

It could be that she very much wants sex but is just too exhausted for it. If you are working take a week/fornight off work and tell the mrs during this time you will do everything with the children and within the home and do it to her standards and without any help from her (whilst bearing in mind good mums cant switch off from mummy mode easily so you will have to keep her distracted). I would say it will be a safe bet after the week/fornight is up that sex will be the last thing on your mind and youll be so ready to get back to work for a rest!

Also (taking aside the tiredness issue) a womans body can change in a very significant way after childbirth. I found that after the twins were born things that used to please me in the bedroom just didnt anymore so sex was unsatifying for me so i didnt want it for that reason. When sex was on table we both found there was a period of adjustment were not only I had to learn what worked for me but he did too, It was a difficult time for us both but we communicated and supported each other through it and are now back to having a fulfilling sex life again. Also it can be a time where she feels very unattractive because of those changes so romamce her a little and show/tell her how beautiful she is, in fact tell her you feel shes more beautiful because of the wonderful mother shes matured into.

Remember that Intimacy is important and that Intimacy is a broad spectrum and isnt just about sex! One example; Cuddling (in a non sexual way) is a very powerful and underestimated tool, its relaxing and comforting and shows her that you still care on an emotional level which is more than likely something shes craving more than sex.

Looking to play solo at this time will most likely be knocking her confidence. How would you feel if you became completely impotant? You have the desire for sex and what to connect to your partner but your little fella just wont work! rather than her being with you and showing you any interest, shes straight out looking/getting it elsewhere, How would that make you feel? If the answer is not great then you need to hide/close your account and work on things as a couple. Swinging can test the strongest of couples at times and at the minute your relationship isnt strong. Swinging should be something that brings you closer and at the moment I fear its driving a bigger wedge between you.

Also IMHO, this thread was even a mistake! If she were to log in to your account (which i doubt she would given the general tone of the thread) she could see this post and be very hurt that you are discussing your relationship issues with a bunch of strangers instead of with her. Especially since our advice can only be generic as we dont know your or her.

Finally, medically speaking its not advisable to have sex until at least 6 weeks after childbirth because one a woman is extremely fertile because the hormones are still high in her system, two because of the hormone levels changing, theres a lot of changes happening vaginally for things to return physically back to normal down there. Thats just given a normal birth, if shes had a c-section thats a major operation and requires recovery time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

7 weeks old is a very short space of time, what an extremely selfish man you are OP.

Poor you going without sex!!!!

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By *iwife81Couple
over a year ago

Bolton

Having a baby is one of the most shocking and traumatic things to happen to a woman. Yes, although being pregnant for 9 months should get you prepared, even having done it before. But a woman can never explain how different their bodies and mind feels after giving birth. You change from this wonderful heavily pregnant lady carrying a life inside you, to an unrecognisable figure in front of you. You feel different, places ache that you didn't realise could. Your mind is constantly occupied with caring for a dependant little being. You're exhausted beyond explanation. Sex is the furthest thought or feeling from your mind.

I understand you are also feeling the tiredness, and responsibility but men and women are different.

Believe me, she needs chance to discover herself and get confidence back before even beginning to feel sexy enough for any fun.

The best thing you can do, is support her, love her, build her confidence, shower her with compliments and kindness. The more you make her feel wonderful and sexy the more likely you will get some fun.

And stop searching as a lone player.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

give her time, help her out as much as she wants or needs, tell her all the time how much you love her and how well she is doing. if she says shes tired ask her if she would like a bath, or a cup of tea. ask her if she would like to watch somthing on tv and you look after the kids simple things will make a big change in her mood

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

Having one is tiring enough! People underestimate how much mental and emotional investment comes from the full-time carer. Bradley can come home from a full day's work, wash and sterilise bottles, cook, clean and do the washing and still have the energy to stay up late and play games, whereas I'm constantly exhausted and ready to crawl into bed as soon as Little'un's been put down. "Me time" is having a shower or brushing my teeth and I can't even remember what having free time feels like.

So I can fully understand why she isn't dropping her knickers now that there's a 7 week old around too!

"Mummy/Daddy mode" is definitely a thing and even when you give her a break, she will never truly be able to switch off and therefore is still burning energy.

- Amy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She must have had sex at some point after the first child cus she has just had baby number 2

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She must have had sex at some point after the first child cus she has just had baby number 2

"

I thought that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She may just be too tired not that she doesnt want to

Im currently 26 weeks pregnant and me and mr havent had sex in the whole 26 weeks and before that i cant remember when we last had sex as i went off it after having our nearly 2 year old.

Kids do take up alot of energy even if u think it doesnt. When shes got spare time shes most probably juat thinkibg about having that little bit of time to herself or wanting to relax

My mr knows i love him but i also know how much it bothers him us not being intimate. I just make sure we communicate and that he know i still love him and dont want to be without him its just that each night im physically exhausted and have no sex drive because of it. But u looking for meets like other posters have said will not help. Thats one thing my mr hasnt done he said he will wait and support me for aslong as possible til im back to normal as swinging is what we do together.

Just make sure youre communucating with her and give her the time that she needs. Not every woman can be wonder woman and be a great mum and have the best sex drive. Were all different and all handle having kids differently

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