FabSwingers.com forum: When is a friendship not a friendship?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What do you do when you meet & get on with someone that you really really like.

You know that it's a more biased relationship on your half & you respect their feelings & wishes

You have great banter on a frequent basis pretty much every day & you share your experiences with them.

You know they don't fancy your body lol & you can't fiend Dr Frankenstien to bud you a new one

Is that unhealthy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A friendship stops being a friendship when you start anticipating what you might get out of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a crush on a work colleague for a couple of years, only stopped when I met my ex-hubby also through work.

I was not obsessed by him, and I did my best to let him know how much I liked him. However, at the end of the day, it was not to be.

We remained good friends though, and was one of my confidente at work, and was one of the first peeps to know about my break up with my ex-hubby.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No expectations in any way shape or form & I'm happy with that. We're becoming really great friends - I just can't help my feeling & don't want them to get in the way of a beautiful friendshi

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not exactly unhealthy....many of us enter into this kind of relationship for all sorts of reasons.

I met someone on here who I like and who keeps in daily contact for the most part, which I like.....but if I try to make contact from my end it is deemed that I am going beyond the NSA relationship.

Confused? I certainly am

even so I very much value the friendship

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Well id like to think that i am friends with the guys i shag as well as just a shag. Im also friends (mostly) with ex's as well. Sometimes you just have to fuck someone of when they piss you off once to often

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hmm maybe I need to clarify - I really like them as a whole package but they have said its not sexual between us. Im fine with that. Whats confusing me is how much 'contact' we have with each other.

I've been in loving relationships with only a 1/3 of the contact we share!

We text /e-mail through the day & probably chat 2 or 3 times as well.

I dont want to read anything into the friendship but I feel i might be

confused . com

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes you do have more contact with friends than with loved ones.

Maybe it will develop into more in the future.

But I would keep your true feelings to yourself as it may risk a friendship that you obviously treasure

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

If you think you're reading too much into it then back off for a while to give yourself some space

Shes told you that its only a friendship but if you're reading more into it and she can feel that you are then I don't think thats fair to you

Shes ok because shes told you where you stand,so has nothing to feel bad about

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you think you're reading too much into it then back off for a while to give yourself some space

Shes told you that its only a friendship but if you're reading more into it and she can feel that you are then I don't think thats fair to you

Shes ok because shes told you where you stand,so has nothing to feel bad about"

I appreciate she's told me & glad of that - I hide my feelings sometimes especially if I dont want to spoil what bit I have - mind you she'll probably see this lol

I dont feel bad I just dont want to read anything into it. I appreciate the comments guys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a hard one i think

Go with your gut instincts x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hmm maybe I need to clarify - I really like them as a whole package but they have said its not sexual between us. Im fine with that. Whats confusing me is how much 'contact' we have with each other.

I've been in loving relationships with only a 1/3 of the contact we share!

We text /e-mail through the day & probably chat 2 or 3 times as well.

I dont want to read anything into the friendship but I feel i might be

confused . com"

but that's what friends do. It's such a buzz just to have that easy going rapport with a great friend. Just enjoy it.

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By *uss PussWoman
over a year ago

east cheshire

"If you think you're reading too much into it then back off for a while to give yourself some space

Shes told you that its only a friendship but if you're reading more into it and she can feel that you are then I don't think thats fair to you

Shes ok because shes told you where you stand,so has nothing to feel bad about

I appreciate she's told me & glad of that - I hide my feelings sometimes especially if I dont want to spoil what bit I have - mind you she'll probably see this lol

I dont feel bad I just dont want to read anything into it. I appreciate the comments guys

If she does read this how do you think she will feel?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you think you're reading too much into it then back off for a while to give yourself some space

Shes told you that its only a friendship but if you're reading more into it and she can feel that you are then I don't think thats fair to you

Shes ok because shes told you where you stand,so has nothing to feel bad about

I appreciate she's told me & glad of that - I hide my feelings sometimes especially if I dont want to spoil what bit I have - mind you she'll probably see this lol

I dont feel bad I just dont want to read anything into it. I appreciate the comments guys

If she does read this how do you think she will feel?

you terror

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you think you're reading too much into it then back off for a while to give yourself some space

Shes told you that its only a friendship but if you're reading more into it and she can feel that you are then I don't think thats fair to you

Shes ok because shes told you where you stand,so has nothing to feel bad about

I appreciate she's told me & glad of that - I hide my feelings sometimes especially if I dont want to spoil what bit I have - mind you she'll probably see this lol

I dont feel bad I just dont want to read anything into it. I appreciate the comments guys

Regardless of what you say, I think you're hoping she may change her mind?

You say you don't want to lose what you have, but if you're secretly hoping for more it'll probably stop you enjoying future meets.

Only you can decide, so I wish you well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Over the years running a B+B for swingers visiting local clubs I met many women I fancied playing with, sometimes I was lucky and got invited to play other times they just became good friends.

When I say good friends, one couple used to visit at least once a week, we went on holiday together, they stayed with me for a few weeks, I visited thier home, we never played but were good friends and wanting to have sex with her never became a problem.

Another couple, we visit regularly exactly the same scenario, I would love to play with her but it will never happen, we still consider them to be amongst our best friends and see them regularly it will never be a problem that I want to have sex with her.

Friendships are friendships too valuable to spoil just for sex, they both knew/know I would be happy to play with them, as do thier partners, it just doesn't get in the way because I won't allow it to.

I have many other swinging friends that I will never be able to play with but would if I could and there are some friends we have that I would never play with but they are great friends too.

Hope I explained this right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Over the years running a B+B for swingers visiting local clubs I met many women I fancied playing with, sometimes I was lucky and got invited to play other times they just became good friends.

I have many other swinging friends that I will never be able to play with but would if I could and there are some friends we have that I would never play with but they are great friends too.

Hope I explained this right

The difference is Jed you have Sasha, so you wouldn't be looking to meet another woman for anything more than casual sex.

I think the OP is looking for more than that as a single man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes most of the time but I was single when I met the couples I mentioned above and was single for 2 years during my 10 years in the lifestyle.

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By *WLondonMixMan
over a year ago

Willsden/DollisHill

Hope is hope and the future is always un-certain. Best to live for the moment, and atm she wants to be friends. Real friends are so hard to find, instead of wasting precious moments wishing there to be more accept and appreciate to the full the special link between you both. I know you already do but you are still holding back a little of yourself, Don't hide your feelings as they will become even harder to ignore, plus honesty to others is no where near as important as honesty to yourself. You can't always get what you want in life but you can always try, and if it don't work than you done your best and be happy in that fact.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hope is hope and the future is always un-certain. Best to live for the moment, and atm she wants to be friends. Real friends are so hard to find, instead of wasting precious moments wishing there to be more accept and appreciate to the full the special link between you both. I know you already do but you are still holding back a little of yourself, Don't hide your feelings as they will become even harder to ignore, plus honesty to others is no where near as important as honesty to yourself. You can't always get what you want in life but you can always try, and if it don't work than you done your best and be happy in that fact. "

.....
" Friendships are friendships too valuable to spoil just for sex, they both knew/know I would be happy to play with them, as do thier partners, it just doesn't get in the way because I won't allow it to. "

Yeh I agreeher friendship has become treasured to me & I'm sure we will be friends for a long long time. Yes I am single & if the right person came along I'd be a fool not to seize the moment. What I dont want to do is become a puppy wanting his master. I suppose by putting it on here it may raise its head if/when lol she sees it but I dont want to misread anything. I just wanted to know if others experience similar friendships as its intensity is a new feeling for me! A nice feeling but still new.

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By *WLondonMixMan
over a year ago

Willsden/DollisHill

Yea been in similar situation hence the advice. Its the risk factor that causes the un-certainty, yet also the fact she may be unattainable can also make her so much more attractive. You ran the risk of telling her your feelings, which I salute lol yet it shows how much respect she has for you as a person that she hasn't distanced herself from you. Yet on the flipside it could mean she may like you back but feel uncertain to how to approach the situation. Mate we can talk all our lives about the mind of a lady and we would never move from square one lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As someone who has been on the other side of that problem King my advice would be dont tell the person.

I always make it clear I am looking for nothing other than friendship, I do not want another life partner I already have one.

However once I had to cut all contact with someone as they couldnt understand why I wouldnt put them first, I ended up feeling very uncomfortable and no longer wanted anything to do with that person. All because that person wanted more than I was happy giving.

I would always say if the other person was thruthful with you please respect their views and wishes - if you like that person be happy with friendship and dont push for more if they want more they will let you know.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but as I said it is my experience of the other side.

Shona

x x x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know it sounds cheesey but give it time.

Time sorts everything out, if you over think it or rush into saying something straight away, you may regret it, whereas if you take your time you will Always have a friendship, and, in time, it may develop into more.

Just try to appreciate what you have on a day by day basis and live in the moment, you are lucky xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say someones going to get hurt been there done that both ways best keep it too yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i have made loads of friends tho swinging i have never played with and never will

To me its not all about sex

To be honest i have to kinds of people i meet thro swinging, ones i call friends and ones i play with and i tend not to mix the two

I dont really do regular meets, i think the most i have ever met a person i have played with is twice, but someone i know thro swinging and i class as a friend that i dont play with i will happily meet up for drinks etc whenever we both free, know theres nothing to come from it and still be happy to meet for a drink again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you think you're reading too much into it then back off for a while to give yourself some space

Shes told you that its only a friendship but if you're reading more into it and she can feel that you are then I don't think thats fair to you

Shes ok because shes told you where you stand,so has nothing to feel bad about

I appreciate she's told me & glad of that - I hide my feelings sometimes especially if I dont want to spoil what bit I have - mind you she'll probably see this lol

I dont feel bad I just dont want to read anything into it. I appreciate the comments guys

can i just ask?

didnt i read on your profile at some point you was in a relationship but swing alone?

If so if you start getting feelings for someone you have met on here i would back off, unless your looking for a new partner?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your going to get hurt. You tell her how you feel and she could run off or start liying to you not wishing to hurt you ....... When she meet others you will find it hard seeing her having sex and fun when its not you. Frends are just friends but when you start having feelings can start to kill it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

awww, just wanted to say that its not unusual, I've felt like that a few times. Sometimes its worked itself out and the feelings have gone away and I find myself with an amazing friend and other times I have been hurt but I've gotten over it. Just enjoy the friendship.

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