FabSwingers.com forum: Asking a couple if they'll meet alone

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just wondering if I can get peoples opinions on this.

If a couple message me and - for some reason - I'm interested in one of them more than them as a couple unit, is it poor form to enquire politely if they consider meeting without each other?

I've had mixed responses varying from 'yes, when would you like to get coffee?' to 'fuck you, how dare you suggest we would cheat on each other'.

Is there a consensus I have missed because I come from the poly and fetish world to swinging?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends if they put it on their profile that they meet alone. I can see why it would be taken as offence especially with some less than "symmetrical" couples.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We wouldn't reply to someone asking to meet just one of us we would simply block them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can but ask, I guess?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think a lot of couples will only meet together because they are here to have fun together not separately! Horses for courses, I wouldn't ask if the couple meet separately unless they specifically stated it on their profile.

Don't know what the etiquette would be, as personally would assume it's something you wouldn't ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends if they put it on their profile that they meet alone. I can see why it would be taken as offence especially with some less than "symmetrical" couples.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You'll need to pick the couples that are comfortable playing together and alone. They usually would have it written down on their profile. Good luck finding what you want

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends if they put it on their profile that they meet alone. I can see why it would be taken as offence especially with some less than "symmetrical" couples.

If they said that they didn't then of course they wouldn't ask. But I thought that it would be ok to ask if they don't specify. Perhaps I was wrong though from the tone of the messages I tend to get!

(Although I get plenty of messages from men on couples profiles asking to meet alone...)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we were messaged out of the blue asking to meet alone we'd not be impressed. We've never had the scenario you mention but we do play alone with people that we know, I guess if we received the suggestion as a reply we'd discuss it and be open to it - whether it offended us would depend largely on how it was worded.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

Somebody messaged us today asking just that. Doesn't bother us, but if it's not stated on a profile that they do meet separately you can understand why they might feel offended by the enquiry.

Of course, why they then might feel the need to be abusive about it rather than politely refusing is anyone's guess!

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By *eaningofLifeCouple
over a year ago

York

"Just wondering if I can get peoples opinions on this.

If a couple message me and - for some reason - I'm interested in one of them more than them as a couple unit, is it poor form to enquire politely if they consider

I've had mixed responses varying from 'yes, when would you like to get coffee?' to 'fuck you, how dare you suggest we would cheat on each other'.

Is there a consensus I have missed because I come from the poly and fetish world to swinging?"

Hi, we do our initial meet together to see if we all click/gel. M does long hours so is happy for me to meet solo with men/couples that we are both comfortable with. M really enjoys the pictures and messages of what's gone on and what I want to do with him when he gets home. So we wouldn't be offended if someone asked us. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just wondering if I can get peoples opinions on this.

If a couple message me and - for some reason - I'm interested in one of them more than them as a couple unit, is it poor form to enquire politely if they consider meeting without each other?

I've had mixed responses varying from 'yes, when would you like to get coffee?' to 'fuck you, how dare you suggest we would cheat on each other'.

Is there a consensus I have missed because I come from the poly and fetish world to swinging?"

We have said on our profile that we only meet together, so if someone asked one of us to meet alone I would find it a bit rude and disrespectful.

We have also had it happen in clubs before - people have just asked me join for a threesome. I find that a bit off as I'm clearly there with somebody. But I guess in that situation if you don't ask you don't know!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think a lot of couples will only meet together because they are here to have fun together not separately! Horses for courses, I wouldn't ask if the couple meet separately unless they specifically stated it on their profile.

Don't know what the etiquette would be, as personally would assume it's something you wouldn't ask. "
We meet alone but hide nothing from each other...everyones idea of swinging is different

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If we were messaged out of the blue asking to meet alone we'd not be impressed. We've never had the scenario you mention but we do play alone with people that we know, I guess if we received the suggestion as a reply we'd discuss it and be open to it - whether it offended us would depend largely on how it was worded.

I think it's because while I do enjoy mff threesomes, I would prefer to get to know people one on one before having group action. So it's great for me to be able to get to know one person in the couple and form a bond, while knowing there is still the potential to play with them as a couple down the road.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah, I guess everyone is different. I'm very happy to play alone at clubs - even though I almost always go with a male partner (or two). And I'm very happy for them to play alone too, without me. But there's no way of telling without asking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have asked after meeting the couple for a drink... And I felt attraction to the lady but not the male. They seemed fine with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always get asked if I meet alone. It pisses me off cos its obvious they dont read profiles. Its there in black and white.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends if they put it on their profile that they meet alone. I can see why it would be taken as offence especially with some less than "symmetrical" couples.

If they said that they didn't then of course they wouldn't ask. But I thought that it would be ok to ask if they don't specify. Perhaps I was wrong though from the tone of the messages I tend to get!

(Although I get plenty of messages from men on couples profiles asking to meet alone...)"

Why would you ask for something just because it wasnt stated on the profile? Pretty assumptive isnt it. Fine if they mention it but Id guess if they dont then it's not something you should ask for. Guys get slated on here for doing that, I'd view you no different to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't get if you don't ask, but suppose you have to be ready to take the flak if someone objects to your advances.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think wording it is as you have actually makes a lot of sense and less likely to cause offence. Im assuming couples take 'I'd like to meet one of you, but not the other' as code for 'I think your other half is plug ugly' and they're bound to be protective of each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless specifically stated on their profile that they do, on occasion, play alone, I would always assume that the answer would be 'no'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men and women ask if I meet alone but the fact there's only me in our pics may give off that impression. If asked in first few messages its fine but I do get a bit annoyed after a few weeks of chatting when then told they only want to meet me!

Alabama xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hellow, what time does hubby go to work?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends if they put it on their profile that they meet alone. I can see why it would be taken as offence especially with some less than "symmetrical" couples.

If they said that they didn't then of course they wouldn't ask. But I thought that it would be ok to ask if they don't specify. Perhaps I was wrong though from the tone of the messages I tend to get!

(Although I get plenty of messages from men on couples profiles asking to meet alone...)

How so? If someone feels THAT strongly against it, then they should put it on their profile. Why should anyone be slated for asking a question?

From the number of messages I get from one half of a couple wanting to meet alone (as I don't meet couples) there's an awful lot of people on here who do just that, so it's a perfectly reasonable question to ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think, some couples get a tad annoyed. About being asked. Especially when it states as much on profiles. Afteral they are a couple. I do think, some get a little confused though, because, quite a few couples do meet alone. I guess as they say, don't ask? Don't? Get.... Guess a lot of time, it depends on the couple concerned some have that how very dare you! Attitude! Whereas some, won't be so bothered and say sorry we don't n smile.. And then again you'll get the odd one say hell yeah, erm maybe, when we've got to know you a bit! So many scenarios, easier just to ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends if they put it on their profile that they meet alone. I can see why it would be taken as offence especially with some less than "symmetrical" couples.

If they said that they didn't then of course they wouldn't ask. But I thought that it would be ok to ask if they don't specify. Perhaps I was wrong though from the tone of the messages I tend to get!

(Although I get plenty of messages from men on couples profiles asking to meet alone...)

How so? If someone feels THAT strongly against it, then they should put it on their profile. Why should anyone be slated for asking a question?

For you maybe...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends if they put it on their profile that they meet alone. I can see why it would be taken as offence especially with some less than "symmetrical" couples.

If they said that they didn't then of course they wouldn't ask. But I thought that it would be ok to ask if they don't specify. Perhaps I was wrong though from the tone of the messages I tend to get!

(Although I get plenty of messages from men on couples profiles asking to meet alone...)

How so? If someone feels THAT strongly against it, then they should put it on their profile. Why should anyone be slated for asking a question?

Also just to be clear, I have slated no one but simply pointed out that guys have been slated on here for asking that of couples.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say it's ok to ask. If it results in a block then you aren't missing out on anything. Me and my husband meet alone which is why we created single profiles in the end.

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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

For us swinging is all about sharing - it's why we do it, and we would never meet alone.

Would we be angry or offended if someone asked? No - why should we be. A polite "no, we don't do that" is all that's needed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I guess because if I listed every single thing I enjoy or am open to on my profile, it would be about the size of the yellow pages (the old version, not the new skinny one).

I don't list everything I might be open to on my profile, it would be a very boring list. I guess I assumed that other people were the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We clearly state in our profile we meet as a couple only, we still get asked to meet alone, well fact is H does lol if anyone contacts us and wants to meet H alone but then says okay will see you both then it's a big no

We swing together to enjoy play together otherwise if we wanted to play singly we would have single profiles too, if we see a couple profile and we are not into one of them we would never ask to play just with the other that's just rude! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We only meet bi guys but if a bi guy asked to meet just one of us fist in order to form a bond and then meet both of us at a later date we would block them straight away as that would put us off, we dont really think of swinging as forming bonds with anyone, its just casual sex for us.

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

I think couples who play alone generally state it on their profile.. If they dont, I would always assume that they come as a couple, otherwise- why would they advertise themselves as a couple? I get asked quite a lot if I play on my own, and it irritates me because we are a unit. J and I play together, the whole idea for us is that we play together. And as someone else posted... I don't think that either one of us would appreciate being told... Well.. I like the looks of you, but the other one can bugger off...!!!

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"We clearly state in our profile we meet as a couple only, we still get asked to meet alone, well fact is H does lol if anyone contacts us and wants to meet H alone but then says okay will see you both then it's a big no

Ah! This is exactly what I was trying to say. Spot on!

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

from a single bloke point of view.... unless they said they played seperately on their profile i would always assume they are a couple and not approach the subject....

i had couples then come up to me and say they do... but i would never presume that to be the case

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't think that either one of us would appreciate being told... Well.. I like the looks of you, but the other one can bugger off...!!! "

I think perhaps I am a realist - I have never found two people exactly the same amount of attractive.

It is just obvious - to me - that you will find one person in a couple or a group more attractive than others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think that either one of us would appreciate being told... Well.. I like the looks of you, but the other one can bugger off...!!!

I think perhaps I am a realist - I have never found two people exactly the same amount of attractive.

It is just obvious - to me - that you will find one person in a couple or a group more attractive than others."

This is one of the main reasons why I don't meet couples.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"Just wondering if I can get peoples opinions on this.

If a couple message me and - for some reason - I'm interested in one of them more than them as a couple unit, is it poor form to enquire politely if they oconsider meeting without each other?

I've had mixed responses varying from 'yes, when would you like to get coffee?' to 'fuck you, how dare you suggest we would cheat on each other'.

Is there a consensus I have missed because I come from the poly and fetish world to swinging?"

No, I doubt there a consensus on this, just as there probably isn't on most topics. Nor should it be considered 'poor form' to ask a question.

Unless a couple specifically list it on their profile, I can't see why you shouldn't ask, and I think it is sad if you get flak as a result.

Different couples seek different things, and sometimes individual couples' position on many things changes over time. (For example, we feel we are on a journey, and know our opinions in many things will be different this time next year, just as they are from this time last year.)

Good luck

Mr ddc

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"I don't think that either one of us would appreciate being told... Well.. I like the looks of you, but the other one can bugger off...!!!

I think perhaps I am a realist - I have never found two people exactly the same amount of attractive.

It is just obvious - to me - that you will find one person in a couple or a group more attractive than others."

Well of course! I can't argue with you on that one at all- all I'm saying is that if you are looking at couple profile, you are looking at a couple, unless they say otherwise... I don't think it's unreasonable for a couple to then get annoyed if you dismiss one of them - particularly if they are on the site as a couple to enjoy experiences together as a couple.

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

@DerbyDalesCpl - I think there are some pretty poor form questions to ask... I can write you a list, if you like?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess because if I listed every single thing I enjoy or am open to on my profile, it would be about the size of the yellow pages (the old version, not the new skinny one).

I don't list everything I might be open to on my profile, it would be a very boring list. I guess I assumed that other people were the same."

Understand that but would work the other way as in listing what you dont want. It may just be me but I would assume that if a couple wanted to meet alone that is one thing they would put on a profile and I guess same could be said in reverse, it's really just about having your main desires public as you pointed out, there isnt the room for everything lol

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"@DerbyDalesCpl - I think there are some pretty poor form questions to ask... I can write you a list, if you like?!

Lol, we're still learning, and you only learn if you ask questions...

(Will the list scare me?)

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"@DerbyDalesCpl - I think there are some pretty poor form questions to ask... I can write you a list, if you like?!

Lol, we're still learning, and you only learn if you ask questions...

(Will the list scare me?)"

15 minutes....

I'm starting to worry this may.be an awfully long list, and not just "Hi, love your pics, would mrs ... ever consider meeting me alone?"

I really shouldn't be allowed out of the lounge on my own

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends if they put it on their profile that they meet alone. I can see why it would be taken as offence especially with some less than "symmetrical" couples.

If they said that they didn't then of course they wouldn't ask. But I thought that it would be ok to ask if they don't specify. Perhaps I was wrong though from the tone of the messages I tend to get!

(Although I get plenty of messages from men on couples profiles asking to meet alone...)

How so? If someone feels THAT strongly against it, then they should put it on their profile. Why should anyone be slated for asking a question?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends if they put it on their profile that they meet alone. I can see why it would be taken as offence especially with some less than "symmetrical" couples.

If they said that they didn't then of course they wouldn't ask. But I thought that it would be ok to ask if they don't specify. Perhaps I was wrong though from the tone of the messages I tend to get!

(Although I get plenty of messages from men on couples profiles asking to meet alone...)

How so? If someone feels THAT strongly against it, then they should put it on their profile. Why should anyone be slated for asking a question?

For you maybe...

Fair enough. I just see it as the same as my being asked on a daily basis if I meet couples or women (both of which my profile indicates I'm not looking for). It's not an insulting question, so I'm not insulted by it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We wouldn't reply to someone asking to meet just one of us we would simply block them."
This!

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"@DerbyDalesCpl - I think there are some pretty poor form questions to ask... I can write you a list, if you like?!

Lol, we're still learning, and you only learn if you ask questions...

(Will the list scare me?)"

I have no idea.... Depends on what you would consider scary!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's some very self important people on here!

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By *orty-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Leyland

Being on a swingers site usually means the majority of us are very open minded. We don't mind being asked to meet alone, we even have it in our profile that on occasion with the right person we will. For me it's an extra bit of a kink having fun while hubby is at work with a rock hard cock knowing what I'm up to!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We wouldn't meet alone because a lot of our enjoyment comes from watching each other while having sex, if we had been messaging and you said politely could I meet Mr or Mrs alone we would say sorry that's not for us and end our conversation there, if you just messaged out of the blue asking to meet 1 of us you'd be blocked because that's a bit rude to us

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"There's some very self important people on here!

Self important? Or confident and assertive?

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"I don't think that either one of us would appreciate being told... Well.. I like the looks of you, but the other one can bugger off...!!!

I think perhaps I am a realist - I have never found two people exactly the same amount of attractive.

It is just obvious - to me - that you will find one person in a couple or a group more attractive than others."

If you struggle so much with couples and are only looking to play with one would you not feel it more productive trawling through the singles? You could even find 2 singles who you may find will team up where you like them both.

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By *nterracial2Couple
over a year ago

Ribble Valley

We wouldn't mind being asked and may agree depending on who it was and what the situation was. Probably not over Fab, but in person quite possibly!

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By *edallionMan
over a year ago

manchester

Am more intrigued into how the OP goes around proving a point to people on here as well as in her other posts than actually commenting on this topic as she has me on her side now because I tend to prefer people who think outside the box and able to convince me on their opinion.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't think that either one of us would appreciate being told... Well.. I like the looks of you, but the other one can bugger off...!!!

I think perhaps I am a realist - I have never found two people exactly the same amount of attractive.

It is just obvious - to me - that you will find one person in a couple or a group more attractive than others.

As I said, I often ask the question once a couple has approached me. If I am interested in one but not the other i just politely say so and ask the question.

I am looking to play with couples, but not all couples, and I like one on ones too.

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By *ashes83Couple
over a year ago

wirral

Socially meets it's perfectly acceptable, but for playing it will depend on the couple- there are lots of couple who also have single profiles.

we have had to say thanks but no thanks to couples were we only find one half attractive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Am more intrigued into how the OP goes around proving a point to people on here as well as in her other posts than actually commenting on this topic as she has me on her side now because I tend to prefer people who think outside the box and able to convince me on their opinion. "

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

As I said, I often ask the question once a couple has approached me. If I am interested in one but not the other i just politely say so and ask the question.

I am looking to play with couples, but not all couples, and I like one on ones too."

I understand what you are saying, you don't need to keep repeating yourself. What I am saying, along with most of the other people who have replied to you, is that I disagree with this approach for the reasons already given above, but mostly because it's rude. Rather than repeating to us that you feel you are entitled to insult one half of a couple to get what YOU want sexually, rather than considering what they might want as a pair, perhaps you could explain why you don't think its rude or offensive?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As I said, I often ask the question once a couple has approached me. If I am interested in one but not the other i just politely say so and ask the question.

I am looking to play with couples, but not all couples, and I like one on ones too.

Lots of couples play alone too. Why is it rude or offensive? If they say on their profile they don't play alone then I agree it's very rude to ask.

I also think it makes a difference how the question is raised.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I guess because I'm poly and that is my background, I don't find it offensive to be asked if I'll play alone. I can't explain why I don't find it rude or offensive to be honest, that's like trying to explain why I don't find onions offensive - they're just not.

If I had to guess I would assume it's because I don't subscribe to hedgemonic assumptions about couples being an exclusive unit. I don't believe that playing without your partner is a a particularly weird thing to do, that's very normal to me. I have multiple partners who I play with in different formations, sometimes one on one, sometimes without other people.

I also don't think that saying 'I'm sorry, I do not find you sexually attractive' is actually insulting. If someone says that to me then I am not insulted. Being insulted over someone else's personal preferences as to sexual attractiveness is a really quick way to lead a miserable life. In this situation perhaps it would be better for the individual to evaluate where their self-worth is held - if it comes from strangers on the internet finding them attractive then perhaps then need to work on those issues before they try operating in a sexually liberated arena.

Bottom line - to me it's not offensive. I have a couples profile on here (somewhere) with one of my partners and we've been asked to play separately in the past. We just usually ask them for their contact details so that we can talk to them privately without the other being involved.

I get asked all the time for stuff that I don't enjoy on this site. I just say 'no thank you, that's not for me, good luck in your search'. However the rude replies that I've had back from some couples made me question if there was something amiss in my approach.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

In addition I actually find that most couples that approach me are not considering what *I* might want sexually. They are primarily interested in finding a plaything for their own enjoyment. But when I express to them that I might prefer something other than what they've offered, that's when the rudeness comes back.

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

Yes, lots of couples do play on their own, and they usually make this clear on their profiles, or early on in the conversation.

I personally feel that, if we present ourselves as a couple, that is what is on offer.

The reason it is insulting is because, as the OP has stated quite clearly, it is because she doesn't find one half of the couple attractive. It is rude to point that out to people. I don't understand why that is so hard to understand?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most couples profiles will say this in the text.

Bit harder if it doesn't. Meet both for coffee and discuss then in person could be best?

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"In addition I actually find that most couples that approach me are not considering what *I* might want sexually. They are primarily interested in finding a plaything for their own enjoyment. But when I express to them that I might prefer something other than what they've offered, that's when the rudeness comes back."

Of course. We are all here for ourselves, primarily. What I'm saying is that if your wants and needs don't match their wants and needs, there are probably hundreds of other profiles on here that do.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

The reason is that what people consider rude is not set in stone, but varies from person to person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes, lots of couples do play on their own, and they usually make this clear on their profiles, or early on in the conversation.

I personally feel that, if we present ourselves as a couple, that is what is on offer.

Why is it not rude to say to a single person 'I'm sorry, I do not wish to have sex with you because I don't find you attractive' but somehow it becomes rude when a person is a member of a couple-unit?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Of course. We are all here for ourselves, primarily. What I'm saying is that if your wants and needs don't match their wants and needs, there are probably hundreds of other profiles on here that do. "

I do absolutely agree with you that there are plenty more fish, however I suppose that I feel it's worth a chance. You might meet someone who you click with like noone else - and what a shame to miss out on a wonderful experience just because some people don't enjoy non-monogamy?

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By *r and mrs willingCouple
over a year ago

SOUTH WEST & WALES

We have separate solo profiles for the odd occasion when we might choose to meet on our own. Works fine for us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, lots of couples do play on their own, and they usually make this clear on their profiles, or early on in the conversation.

I personally feel that, if we present ourselves as a couple, that is what is on offer.

I think it's because they have presented themselves as a single unit. And by saying I want him but not her your forcing the 'chosen one' to chose to either stay as that unit or split it up. It probably shouldn't be hurtful but from experience it is, maybe thats my own lack of confidence but I should think most would feel the same.

I'd go with if the profile doesn't state that they play alone.. I wouldn't ask

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

@WaspHunter- I do agree that you don't deserve to be spoken to rudely or in an aggressive manner because you asked the question, a polite no thank you is all that is required.

I'm glad that you wouldn't feel offended... Personally, it doesn't offend me either - as I said early on, it's something that irritates me. I'm trying to explain why.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"Yes, lots of couples do play on their own, and they usually make this clear on their profiles, or early on in the conversation.

I personally feel that, if we present ourselves as a couple, that is what is on offer.

This is not difficult to understand at all. A couple find each other attractive; they are looking to met others together and share their intimacy

Then someone comes along as tells that that they don't find one attractive and only want to share intimacy with the other. It is insulating and someone who doesn't understand that .....

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"Yes, lots of couples do play on their own, and they usually make this clear on their profiles, or early on in the conversation.

I personally feel that, if we present ourselves as a couple, that is what is on offer.

I wouldn't dream of saying that to anyone, single or couple... Because it's rude and human beings can have fragile egos. Who am I to point out that I find them unnatractive? There are ways of doing things that don't involve hurting people's feelings, regardless of whether or not you yourself feel you would be hurt yourself.

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"Yes, lots of couples do play on their own, and they usually make this clear on their profiles, or early on in the conversation.

I personally feel that, if we present ourselves as a couple, that is what is on offer.

This is not difficult to understand at all. A couple find each other attractive; they are looking to met others together and share their intimacy

Then someone comes along as tells that that they don't find one attractive and only want to share intimacy with the other. It is insulating and someone who doesn't understand that ....."

Perfectly put x

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Depends if they put it on their profile that they meet alone. I can see why it would be taken as offence especially with some less than "symmetrical" couples.

If they said that they didn't then of course they wouldn't ask. But I thought that it would be ok to ask if they don't specify. Perhaps I was wrong though from the tone of the messages I tend to get!

(Although I get plenty of messages from men on couples profiles asking to meet alone...)"

I don't see a problem with asking, if their profile doesn't say. I'm not part of a couple though and I tend to be better suited to open relationship type arrangements, so my perspective may be way off the norm, if there is one.

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By *hyandtwistedCouple
over a year ago

loughborough

" DalesCpl - I think there are some pretty poor form questions to ask... I can write you a list, if you like?!

Lol, we're still learning, and you only learn if you ask questions...

(Will the list scare me?)

I have no idea.... Depends on what you would consider scary!!!

2nd guy(boy) we ever blocked asked us if the wife had a daughter so he could bang them both together-in txt speak!!

We when active don't have separates policy on profile so would just answer the question without taking offence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another reason I no longer seek to meet couples. You're dealing with two egos instead of one and it can be a fucking minefield at times, as this thread demonstrates.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, lots of couples do play on their own, and they usually make this clear on their profiles, or early on in the conversation.

I personally feel that, if we present ourselves as a couple, that is what is on offer.

This is not difficult to understand at all. A couple find each other attractive; they are looking to met others together and share their intimacy

Then someone comes along as tells that that they don't find one attractive and only want to share intimacy with the other. It is insulating and someone who doesn't understand that ...

... someone that doesn't understand that is quite possibly an android. Or extremely self centered

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We wouldn't reply to someone asking to meet just one of us we would simply block them."

. . . You do realise that your profile says the female half will meet alone right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We wouldn't reply to someone asking to meet just one of us we would simply block them.

. . . You do realise that your profile says the female half will meet alone right?

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By *bandAbCouple
over a year ago

lanarkshire.

Manners cost nothing....weve had a few males and cpls asking to meet ash alone ive just said we dont meet alone and leave it at that. If they become abusive(which hasnt happened yet) then they would be blocked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, lots of couples do play on their own, and they usually make this clear on their profiles, or early on in the conversation.

I personally feel that, if we present ourselves as a couple, that is what is on offer.

This is not difficult to understand at all. A couple find each other attractive; they are looking to met others together and share their intimacy

Then someone comes along as tells that that they don't find one attractive and only want to share intimacy with the other. It is insulating and someone who doesn't understand that ...

... someone that doesn't understand that is quite possibly an android. Or extremely self centered"

I don't understand it, so I'll put my hand up to being a self-centred android. It's a polite enquiry as to whether you meet/play in a certain way. No different to someone messaging me asking if I meet women or couples. It isn't an insult for me to say no, I'm not attracted to women. It's no different from ME messaging someone asking to meet and they say no thanks, they don't find me attractive. It's not an insult. If it's perceived as one (unless it's phrased rudely, obviously) then there's some seriously fragile egos at play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't say it's insulting to politely ask a question. The reply would be either yes or no. Not all couples put everything on their profiles so you only find out when you ask. As for only finding one half of a couple attractive that's very acceptable to me as I find less women I'm attracted to than me,and-by their own admission and lack of pics of the men,there are couples with attractive women and unattractive men.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

... someone that doesn't understand that is quite possibly an android. Or extremely self centered"

Or just lives life in a different way.

I don't privilege my relationships over my solo experiences. Some people do, and I appreciate that, but I find it hard to understand.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Yes, lots of couples do play on their own, and they usually make this clear on their profiles, or early on in the conversation.

I personally feel that, if we present ourselves as a couple, that is what is on offer.

This is not difficult to understand at all. A couple find each other attractive; they are looking to met others together and share their intimacy

Then someone comes along as tells that that they don't find one attractive and only want to share intimacy with the other. It is insulating and someone who doesn't understand that ...

... someone that doesn't understand that is quite possibly an android. Or extremely self centered

I think from reading the forums that this site has many seriously fragile egos.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I think from reading the forums that this site has many seriously fragile egos."

My own included, at times, but I never assume that the default position is people want to have sex with me and that anything else is an insult...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with Wasp_hunter" on this:

". Being insulted over someone else's personal preferences as to sexual attractiveness is a really quick way to lead a miserable life. "

Additionally, I wouldn't assume that the question is coming from a place of non-attraction anyway! Unless a couple's profile specifically says they "don't meet separately", then it's a fair question like all the other possible questions that can be posed. This is a swing site for heavens sake - so implies people are open sexually - and surely meeting alone in addition to meeting as a couple is merely a further extension of that openness!

Life is too short to spend it knotted up imagining what other people might be thinking AND it shouldn't be assumed that it has to do with one person being less attractive. In the OP's scenario it is the attraction factor, but many times it's likely just the mechanics of the scenario/fantasy the inquirer has in mind.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

" I think from reading the forums that this site has many seriously fragile egos.

My own included, at times, but I never assume that the default position is people want to have sex with me and that anything else is an insult...

You may not but again from reading the forums many people do.

We're all coming at this from different experiences and expectations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, lots of couples do play on their own, and they usually make this clear on their profiles, or early on in the conversation.

I personally feel that, if we present ourselves as a couple, that is what is on offer.

This is not difficult to understand at all. A couple find each other attractive; they are looking to met others together and share their intimacy

Then someone comes along as tells that that they don't find one attractive and only want to share intimacy with the other. It is insulating and someone who doesn't understand that ...

... someone that doesn't understand that is quite possibly an android. Or extremely self centered

I don't think that a couple presenting themselves as a couple, that have no verifications of them meeting separately, are in any way shape or form 'fragile' because they view someone not respecting that they're a unit - as rude

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just personally feel that I'd rather not possibly hurt someone else's feelings... I may be missing out on something great but I'd rather miss that than make someone else feel bad.

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"I agree with Wasp_hunter" on this:

. Being insulted over someone else's personal preferences as to sexual attractiveness is a really quick way to lead a miserable life.

Additionally, I wouldn't assume that the question is coming from a place of non-attraction anyway! .. In the OP's scenario it is the attraction factor, but many times it's likely just the mechanics of the scenario/fantasy the inquirer has in mind.

We are replying to what the OP has stated in her OP, and to subsequent messages she has posted to this thread. So in this scenario, it is exactly the attraction factor we are debating.

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"I just personally feel that I'd rather not possibly hurt someone else's feelings... I may be missing out on something great but I'd rather miss that than make someone else feel bad."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have often read from couples that they find it difficult to find other couples to meet because they aren't attracted to both people. Just because one person finds another irresistible doesn't mean everyone else will,that shouldn't have to be said. Being insulted because someone doesn't fancy your wife/husband doesn't sound like a secure personality to me. Or do people enjoy being indignant? I don't know but I'm seeing it more and more on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just personally feel that I'd rather not possibly hurt someone else's feelings... I may be missing out on something great but I'd rather miss that than make someone else feel bad."

Being in the swinging scene they should be secure enough not to be hurt by rejection. I think women find rejection harder than men.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't think anyone has the right to tell another person that the way they feel is invalid or wrong.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

"I don't think anyone has the right to tell another person that the way they feel is invalid or wrong. "

Completely agree. We are all different, after all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have often read from couples that they find it difficult to find other couples to meet because they aren't attracted to both people. Just because one person finds another irresistible doesn't mean everyone else will,that shouldn't have to be said. Being insulted because someone doesn't fancy your wife/husband doesn't sound like a secure personality to me. Or do people enjoy being indignant? I don't know but I'm seeing it more and more on here."

I think it's fine to find one attractive but not the other... Its when a couple presents themselves to a single offering a 3some situation and the single says sorry I don't fancy your missis but I'll fuck hubby on his own... That's not what was offered so I think they've got every right to be a bit miffed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think anyone has the right to tell another person that the way they feel is invalid or wrong. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Leave foot prints on people's lives... Not boot marks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Okay just re-read (s-l-o-w-l-y) the OP's question and in this scenario (where it is the couple messaging her first not the other way around), then yes, if they are messaging you first OP and inquiring as a unit, then saying "I only want half the offer please" would be poor form. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Or do people enjoy being indignant? I don't know but I'm seeing it more and more on here."

Another point I'd make (before I sod off to avoid 'insulting' anyone else

) is that a large number of those couples who contact me don't seem to present themselves as that much of a unit. Not all couples who post regularly on the forums do either, although I can think of notable exceptions. They rarely have a profile photo or indeed any photos of the two of them together. Sometimes I get sent face photos of just the female, and the male is relegated to being stunt cock in the corner of one shot. In that instance, no I don't really see how the couple are presenting themselves as a unit who want to share each other's intimacy with me; so it would be a perfectly valid enquiry to make as to whether the person they've sent me all the photos of meets alone.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

"Leave foot prints on people's lives... Not boot marks."

How about lipstick marks?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Leave foot prints on people's lives... Not boot marks."

Or don't feel someone's foot print as a boot print when it is not intended that way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Leave foot prints on people's lives... Not boot marks.

How about lipstick marks?

Well now....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Leave foot prints on people's lives... Not boot marks.

Or don't feel someone's foot print as a boot print when it is not intended that way. "

Yeah that too, but you know what I'm trying to say x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Or do people enjoy being indignant? I don't know but I'm seeing it more and more on here.

Another point I'd make (before I sod off to avoid 'insulting' anyone else

Exactly why I stopped looking for couples on here. I felt like I was only being asked to meet with the woman a majority of the time. I want a couple,man and woman. I didn't like saying to them sorry I don't find the woman attractive enough to have sex with for you to watch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Leave foot prints on people's lives... Not boot marks.

Or don't feel someone's foot print as a boot print when it is not intended that way.

Yeah that too, but you know what I'm trying to say x"

May I ask how you think people feel when you turn them down?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We often get asked if either one of us plays alone! We don't find it offensive at all .and we completely understand that different ppl find diff things attractive! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think people should be more specific on their profile....I get a lot of messages off of couples and I am straight woman, as stated on my profile...best policy "Politeness costs nothing". I am often attracted to the guy, but don't play with attached men. Doh, why are all the good'uns taken? Hehe x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Leave foot prints on people's lives... Not boot marks.

Or don't feel someone's foot print as a boot print when it is not intended that way.

Yeah that too, but you know what I'm trying to say x

May I ask how you think people feel when you turn them down? "

I'm sure they aren't heartbroken!!! But my point is that I don't turn them down and then ask to set me up with their best mate!

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"Leave foot prints on people's lives... Not boot marks.

Or don't feel someone's foot print as a boot print when it is not intended that way.

Yeah that too, but you know what I'm trying to say x

May I ask how you think people feel when you turn them down?

I'm sure they aren't heartbroken!!! But my point is that I don't turn them down and then ask to set me up with their best mate!"

This pretty much sums up the entire thrust of my argument! Thank you!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Leave foot prints on people's lives... Not boot marks.

Or don't feel someone's foot print as a boot print when it is not intended that way.

Yeah that too, but you know what I'm trying to say x

May I ask how you think people feel when you turn them down?

I'm sure they aren't heartbroken!!! But my point is that I don't turn them down and then ask to set me up with their best mate!

This pretty much sums up the entire thrust of my argument! Thank you!

That would assume though that the person you're 'turning down' is the one in control of the profile. In that respect I guess that the one in control of the profile might be the protective one. And indeed since I'm usually asking if the woman in the couple is interested in meeting, it's generally the male in charge who gets shitty back.

Oh for a site that allows two people to login and control the profile and read ALL messages... and for both to have to approve any messages that are sent... with no ability to delete messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Leave foot prints on people's lives... Not boot marks.

Or don't feel someone's foot print as a boot print when it is not intended that way.

Yeah that too, but you know what I'm trying to say x

May I ask how you think people feel when you turn them down?

I'm sure they aren't heartbroken!!! But my point is that I don't turn them down and then ask to set me up with their best mate!

This pretty much sums up the entire thrust of my argument! Thank you!

Oh for a site that allows two people to login and control the profile and read ALL messages... and for both to have to approve any messages that are sent... with no ability to delete messages."

That's another discussion entirely... But it doesn't matter who your asking to meet alone... The principle is still the same x

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

J and I both have access to the account and have in fact both responded to this thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Leave foot prints on people's lives... Not boot marks.

Or don't feel someone's foot print as a boot print when it is not intended that way.

Yeah that too, but you know what I'm trying to say x

May I ask how you think people feel when you turn them down?

I'm sure they aren't heartbroken!!! But my point is that I don't turn them down and then ask to set me up with their best mate!"

Is your best mate on your profile looking for sex? If she was and someone messaged and said do either of you meet alone as I quite like the look of the red head (or whoever)? Would you feel like you had been booted in the back or would you say no we don't sorry,or would you tell your friend she's in with a shot?

How good a friend are you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Leave foot prints on people's lives... Not boot marks.

Or don't feel someone's foot print as a boot print when it is not intended that way.

Yeah that too, but you know what I'm trying to say x

May I ask how you think people feel when you turn them down?

I'm sure they aren't heartbroken!!! But my point is that I don't turn them down and then ask to set me up with their best mate!

How good a friend are you?

If someone messaged us (let's say we have a ff profile that doesn't state we play alone) that we hadn't approached before and asked to meet separately there probably wouldn't be a problem. But if we had approached someone with the offer for a threesome and they only wanted one then I would certainly say do one and if my friend was a good friend I would hope they would do the same... Just like if a couple approached me for a threesome and I quite fancied her but not him... I'd politely decline because as a couple (unless indicated otherwise) your one unit.

And to be honest I personally wouldn't feel comfortable playing with one half of any couple... But that's just me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Leave foot prints on people's lives... Not boot marks.

Or don't feel someone's foot print as a boot print when it is not intended that way.

Yeah that too, but you know what I'm trying to say x

May I ask how you think people feel when you turn them down?

I'm sure they aren't heartbroken!!! But my point is that I don't turn them down and then ask to set me up with their best mate!

How good a friend are you?

And to be honest I personally wouldn't feel comfortable playing with one half of any couple... But that's just me

Some couples may play alone and not have it on their profile. Don't ask,don't find out do you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some couples may play alone and not have it on their profile. Don't ask,don't find out do you.

Thats very true ... But as I said before I would rather not ask than risk hurting someone's feelings... Its happened to me before now and yes, the person in question wasn't exactly polite about me! So I guess it might be all in how you say it maybe, I dunno... I just know what I would do

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some couples may play alone and not have it on their profile. Don't ask,don't find out do you.

I just say something like 'I'm afraid I don't think all three of us would be compatible, but do you guys ever meet separately?' and then if they respond asking who I'm interested in then I say.

I don't say 'would you meet separately because your boyfriend is a fucking ugly minger' or anything like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some couples may play alone and not have it on their profile. Don't ask,don't find out do you.

I just say something like 'I'm afraid I don't think all three of us would be compatible, but do you guys ever meet separately?' and then if they respond asking who I'm interested in then I say.

I don't say 'would you meet separately because your boyfriend is a fucking ugly minger' or anything like that."

Sorry, I wasn't suggesting that you were rude or anything... Please don't think that!! As I said I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't mind... I think it's just because of my own experience I might be more sensitive to it but I think quite a few others would too... I'm not saying people have a good reason to be miffed at you... Its just sometimes when it comes to feelings reason doesn't always come into it.. does that make any sense?!! Haha!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/03/15 12:21:32]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's rude to ask one person from a couple of they will meet on there own unless they have something on there profile about it or if it's obvious they do it from verifications on display.

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By *razy-CplCouple
over a year ago

and surrounding areas

"Just wondering if I can get peoples opinions on this.

If a couple message me and - for some reason - I'm interested in one of them more than them as a couple unit, is it poor form to enquire politely if they consider meeting without each other?

I've had mixed responses varying from 'yes, when would you like to get coffee?' to 'fuck you, how dare you suggest we would cheat on each other'.

Is there a consensus I have missed because I come from the poly and fetish world to swinging?"

we dont play seperatly but if we did and someone wanted to meet one of us, i think we would both have to meet for a coffee and get to know u and trust u, after all everthing is built around trust both for the people playing and also the husband, wife or partner thats sitting at home

mr crazy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My view - If they state they play separately, or direct you on the couples profile to their single profile, then no it isn't.

Otherwise, yes, I think its poor form.

Many single guys get lambasted and criticised for askingk if couples play separately, I see single females as no different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some couples may play alone and not have it on their profile. Don't ask,don't find out do you.

I think that because I don't take things to heart and it's almost impossible to hurt my feelings on here I see it as ok to ask any question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My view - If they state they play separately, or direct you on the couples profile to their single profile, then no it isn't.

Otherwise, yes, I think its poor form.

Many single guys get lambasted and criticised for askingk if couples play separately, I see single females as no different.

From what I have read on the forums men don't always ask politely. If they did a polite no we don't would be warranted.

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

I think that because I don't take things to heart and it's almost impossible to hurt my feelings on here I see it as ok to ask any question."

So.. Because you feel a particular way, everybody else must also feel the same way? Don't think it works like that...

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Dosnt bother us at all, wiggles has no intrest in meeting guys alone though, other than the odd play in a club if mood takes her. She is more than happy for me to do so though, but offers are bloody rare lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"Leave foot prints on people's lives... Not boot marks."

Cats leave paw-prints on people's lives

I do not think that I will find the following palatable:

"You look nice but OMG, your kids look like cosmetic surgery is the only way out"

Not suggesting that partners in a couple are the same but the feelings might be similar. And as such rejecting one and expecting the other to dump him/her for a romp in the sack is not nice, to say the least

Don't know about the 'legal' position of such an enquiry but the human position will be, well, will depend on how stupid they feel the enquiry is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that because I don't take things to heart and it's almost impossible to hurt my feelings on here I see it as ok to ask any question.

So.. Because you feel a particular way, everybody else must also feel the same way? Don't think it works like that... "

I didn't say anywhere that anyone had to do anything. I'm not a dictator. I was just explaining to people who may not understand how opinions work that mine are influenced by my ability to not have a hissy fit and cry when someone asks me a question. Drama doesn't go down well with me,you think what you like,I don't care

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

I wouldn't worry Nanna, in my opinion you certainly didn't imply anything and were simply giving your opinion as asked by the OP.

And I still think if I asked someone a polite question and they went off on one, it would say more about them than me.

(But then I'm old and ugly enough to accept it's ALWAYS mrs ddc they're interested in!)

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

I think that because I don't take things to heart and it's almost impossible to hurt my feelings on here I see it as ok to ask any question.

So.. Because you feel a particular way, everybody else must also feel the same way? Don't think it works like that...

But your response that people are "having a hissy fit" or needing to have a "cry" comes across as derogatory. Therefore, you are dictating how they should feel, because they don't echo your own "don't give a fuck" attitude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that because I don't take things to heart and it's almost impossible to hurt my feelings on here I see it as ok to ask any question.

So.. Because you feel a particular way, everybody else must also feel the same way? Don't think it works like that...

Unlike the suggestions above that everyone should "feel" outraged by people asking couples whether they play separately?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I actually dont see any harm in asking

I get loads of mail from couples asking if I would like to meet the guy alone, if its OK for couples to mail me asking if I'd like to meet just one why's it not OK for me to mail them and suggest the same

Its only a question if not for you just say its really that simple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that because I don't take things to heart and it's almost impossible to hurt my feelings on here I see it as ok to ask any question.

So.. Because you feel a particular way, everybody else must also feel the same way? Don't think it works like that...

Such hostility

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fucking hell. I'm glad I'm not looking for couples....based on this thread.....making the much maligned single guy look good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't see the harm in asking but then there do seem to be all sorts of taboos and rules to swinging; which I also find baffling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fucking hell. I'm glad I'm not looking for couples....based on this thread.....making the much maligned single guy look good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fucking hell. I'm glad I'm not looking for couples....based on this thread.....making the much maligned single guy look good

That's why I don't meet them

Single guys are much more aprochable

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Ironically I can see why people who state clearly "we only play alone" might be peeved, but as we know, this is NOT what the OP was suggesting, so I don't understand the drama. (I say 'ironically' because we have it on ours and we really wouldn't mind. What we felt 6 months ago when we wrote that may be different tomorrow; also because admittedly the 73rd man to say "can I feck you up the arse?" on any given day tends to get short shrift)

" Such Hostility "

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By *ondimentsCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

We have played separately in the past so would not be offended. That said, we'd prefer separate room. However, those that don't play separately might be offended if you ask them to.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

"Ironically I can see why people who state clearly "we only play alone" might be peeved, but as we know, this is NOT what the OP was suggesting, so I don't understand the drama. (I say 'ironically' because we have it on ours and we really wouldn't mind. What we felt 6 months ago when we wrote that may be different tomorrow; also because admittedly the 73rd man to say "can I feck you up the arse?" on any given day tends to get short shrift)

Such Hostility

Couples who state clearly that they also meet separately would not be offended. Couples who do not state so or state that they don't, will most probably be offended by the OP's suggestion

The OP's reason is that she finds one half of the couple unattractive and based on that, only wishes to meet the half which she considers attractive

I would just simply move on than to hurt people, all for the sake of 27.3 minutes of my fun!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Such Hostility

Couples who state clearly that they also meet separately would not be offended. Couples who do not state so or state that they don't, will most probably be offended by the OP's suggestion

The OP's reason is that she finds one half of the couple unattractive and based on that, only wishes to meet the half which she considers attractive

I would just simply move on than to hurt people, all for the sake of 27.3 minutes of my fun! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fucking hell. I'm glad I'm not looking for couples....based on this thread.....making the much maligned single guy look good

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

Lost count how many men have asked me when Paul or there wife can not hear them been swinging year,s. Yes we do meet single girls and men but we always play together.

I think it wrong when they ask me that and find it sneaky would they like there other half to be asking

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

"Such hostility". Okay. The OP asked for couples opinions about what we thought on the subject of asking one half of a couple to play because she finds the other half unnatractive. She has been given answers that say we find it disagreeable. The debate has extended to asking why it's disagreeable, and that question has also been answered. We have then been told that we are insecure, having a hissy fit and that we need a cry, because this is our opinion. I haven't been rude to anyone on this thread, and yet I'm supposed to put up with that?! And not start to get a little hostile? Come on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Such hostility". Okay. The OP asked for couples opinions about what we thought on the subject of asking one half of a couple to play because she finds the other half unnatractive. She has been given answers that say we find it disagreeable. The debate has extended to asking why it's disagreeable, and that question has also been answered. We have then been told that we are insecure, having a hissy fit and that we need a cry, because this is our opinion. I haven't been rude to anyone on this thread, and yet I'm supposed to put up with that?! And not start to get a little hostile? Come on. "

I wouldn't take it personally, I've been indirectly called an android, rude and stupid for not thinking the same way as some others on the thread. I don't know any of you people (although interestingly, have been messaged by some of the couples on this thread, despite being straight and my profile indicating I'm not looking for couples....) so really who gives a fuck? It's a debate, people have different views, why let strangers on the Internet rile you?

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By *ussexsocialMan
over a year ago

Billingshurst

its a question we get asked every so often , we don't get offended,(if you don't ask you don't know) however there are some on here that will keep dropping hints and asking in a roundabout way ....those just get blocked. theres a serious lack of single ladies on here, so its understandable that people try their luck lol

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

So.. Because you feel a particular way, everybody else must also feel the same way? Don't think it works like that... "

You did make that same assumption yourself a little further up the thread, mind you.

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

So.. Because you feel a particular way, everybody else must also feel the same way? Don't think it works like that...

You did make that same assumption yourself a little further up the thread, mind you.

Hey! I'm right about everything, always. Fact!!!

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By *ire meet GasolineCouple
over a year ago

Reading

Yeah... Good point... Note to self - have a cup of coffee and a chill before replying to opinions of strangers off the internet!

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

So.. Because you feel a particular way, everybody else must also feel the same way? Don't think it works like that...

You did make that same assumption yourself a little further up the thread, mind you.

Hey! I'm right about everything, always. Fact!!!

That's the beauty of the forum here...we all get it right, all the time. It's a wonder we haven't solved more of the world's problems!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(Although I get plenty of messages from men on couples profiles asking to meet alone...)"

That makes me think they are not really a couple and I would feel the same if it was the woman to a guy too

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think it wrong when they ask me that and find it sneaky would they like there other half to be asking "

In my case... yes... I encourage my partners to play with as many people as they want to play with... None of my partners are committed exclusively to me... which is why I said in the OP I'm coming at this from angle and sometimes I struggle to understand the nuances of swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fucking hell. I'm glad I'm not looking for couples....based on this thread.....making the much maligned single guy look good

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

(Although I get plenty of messages from men on couples profiles asking to meet alone...)

That makes me think they are not really a couple and I would feel the same if it was the woman to a guy too"

The difference would be that most guys being contacted by the woman of a couple wanting them to meet her alone would probably cause them to throw their hats in the air!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You're more than welcome to your own opinion, however you are coming across as more than a little preachy about it - I understand that you have a particular way of doing things, but the tone of your replies is making it sound like anyone who has a different opinion is just wrong.

You're also taking lots of things as a personal attack on you both when clearly people aren't intending it that way (and in some cases aren't even talking about you).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah... Good point... Note to self - have a cup of coffee and a chill before replying to opinions of strangers off the internet!

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