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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've seen a lot of posts from blokes asking "What should I put in my message in order to get a reply" or "How do I get a meet". Based on some experiences of my FB I thought I would share a few insights. Now before anybody gets on their high horse and demands to know what my credentials are and why I'm so right and why I'm not getting sixteen meets a day, I'm not saying I am. What I'm doing is providing feedback based on her experiences, what went wrong for her. This won't apply to every woman, following these guidelines does not guarantee you a meet. As a single fella we're up against a lot of competition and I just wanted to share a few thoughts.
You should also bear in mind that these suggestions are based on you wanting to swing, rather than just find yourself a random, one off shag. Swinging (at least in my and my FB's mind) has a lot to do with the social aspect - getting to know somebody, forming friendships that lead to mutual 'fun' on a regular basis. There's more to swinging than just getting naked, again this is not everybody's opinion but the one upon which my advice is based. I try to get to see my FB a couple of times a week and whilst we do generally end up in the bedroom (kitchen, lounge, picnic bench in our favourite 'spot') it doesn't always happen, sometimes it just about enjoying a laugh watching a film or crap TV, going out for meal or bowling or something similar. The worst thing you can do is join a swinging site and assume that every woman on it is there just to please you, or just because you find somebody you live close to that they will meet you. But I digress.
The majority of what I'm about to say will sound like advice somebody might give to you when you're going on a first date. Well to be honest the game is pretty much the same - if you're looking for somebody to make friends and have regular fun with then you're pretty much looking for a relationship without the commitment, so it's bound to be similar.
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Your profile
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Make it informative. Nobody needs to know your life story but a few sentences about you and what you're looking for go a long way. Don't go over the top, or people will generally get bored reading it. Put some public pics on - try to avoid cock pics, we all know what one looks like and women will be getting heaps of messages every day with pics of cocks attached. They'd much rather see a slightly more attractive part of your body. If you don't want to show a face pic how about a full body pic from the neck down, a bum pic, a chest pic, a pic of you with actual clothes on? There's no point hiding because you don't think your body is attractive, the aim of your game is to get naked so she's going to see it eventually.
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Your first message
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First impressions count. Sending a woman a message that is a single line, is in text speak and/or just says somethig like "Wanna fuck" or "I'll be in your area on Wednesday what do you say to a quickie?" is not going to either make you stand out from the crowd or impress. Put some effort into it. If there is a profile to read then read it, tailor your message to what has been written in it, show that you've taken the time to read it. If there's not a lot to go on then ask questions, look interested in the other person. Tell them a bit about yourself. Be polite, don't be coarse - they might not like that. Don't make assumptions about them until you know them better. Most definitely attach a FACE picture - there has to be some sort of attraction for this to work, it's very hard to be intimate with somebody you don't fancy.
If you're having no luck getting a one to one meet then get yourself to a social meet. Swingers are generally a friendly bunch and it gives you an excellent opportunity to meet people, put names to faces, get yourself known. Not only might you end up playing on the night but you'll have a much better chance getting a one on one meet with somebody that you've already met socially.
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Your first meet
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The majority of women will ask for a social meet first. This gives both of you a chance to see how you get on, see if there's some spark of attraction and also provides the opportunity to shake hands and walk away with no harm done if either of you feel like it's not going to happen. A social meet doesn't always mean that nothing will happen on that day, but NEVER assume that it will. This is your opportunity to sell yourself - don't turn up with dirty fingernails, unwashed hair, an unkempt beard or generally looking scruffy. This isn't a first date, but the end result you're looking for isn't a given just because you got somebody to meet you, you need to keep on working it. ALWAYS make sure YOU buy the coffee, it's not like it's going to break the bank and it will be remembered, especially if you don't. Don't just talk about yourself, make an effort to get to know the other person. By the same token don't be secretive, it just screams "I have a wife and two kids at home", tell her things about you. Choose subjects that are mutually interesting, if you talk about sport and her eyes glaze over move on to something else. Don't continually correct her, even if you think she's wrong, it gives the impression you think she's a brainless bimbo. Make her laugh - one of the most attractive qualities of a man is the ability to tune in to a woman's sense of humour. Equally if your jokes are going down like yesterday's cold pizza then stop telling them. Most important of all be yourself - don't try and be somebody you're not, you won't be able to keep it up (no pun intended) and she'll likely see through you pretty soon. Honesty is always the best policy.
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What happens next
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If it turns out that coffee is as far as it's going to go then accept that and move on. Don't get abusive because you didn't get naked or a second meet, there's a good chance you just need to get to know each other a little better and you don't want to burn your bridges after all the hard work you put in. Be grown up about it, not everybody can fancy everybody else. If you get on and there's an attraction either you ended up in bed or there's a good chance you will next time, but that doesn't mean that your standards should drop in any way, or you'll soon be replaced. In both cases work on the friendship, everybody needs friends. Leave a veri if you see fit, but don't pester for one yourself, that's not the point of a meet. Swinging is a lifestyle, not an excuse to shag anything that moves.
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I did ask for advice when I came on here. And I took the advice. The problem is with a lot of the new guys is they get advice then do nothing about it 
That's because the majority of men who post those messages are not looking for advice but looking for attention.
