FabSwingers.com forum: coffee

By *ruit OP Woman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

Ok when you have arranged to meet for a coffee before arranging a meet with a person do they actually think if the coffee goes ok then maybe we will take it back to hers for sex?

Or do the guys think it is a coffee and unless she says well maybe after.....

or see how coffee goes and then after...

Just curious how men read it.

I know I read it coffee equals coffee/or tea of course lol.

Guys....honestly, what do you read it as.

If I am meeting someone for a drink/coffee or whatever and indicate(by verbalising) that see what happens after the coffee then maybe we can go back to mine..... then fair enough. The offer is clearly a possibility.

But do men see it very different?

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I could hazzard a generalised guess by the number of "oh I see - you really did mean it....." and "are you sure you won't change your mind" comments I have heard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am just chatting to someone now who is meeting another single female. He is happy if coffee is just coffee, but hopes she wants to play afterwards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don't arrange to "meet for coffee" but every meet we arrange is clearly stated as being on a "no strings" basis, if we all feel comfortable playing we play, if one person doesn't feel comfortable we don't play, sometimes we meet up at a later date and play then.

We always end up with some new social friends even if we don't find the other person/people sexually compatible.

If anyone misinterprets "no strings basis" that is thier problem and we would not feel guilty at decling to play on that occasion.

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By *uckscouple2007Couple
over a year ago

Bucks

" if we all feel comfortable playing we play, if one person doesn't feel comfortable we don't play"

Same here

We turn up hoping, but not expecting, that fun will occur but even if 1 of 4 not in agreement then it shouldn't and won't happen

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By *andsomgeorgeMan
over a year ago

Rugby

I think "coffee" means just that and you go expecting to share a coffee, find out how you get on etc. Obviously make an effort to smell and look nice for coffee but always do anyway. Unless someone states "coffee/drink and if we all click we may play on 1st meet" which you often see.

Any of the above would still leave me with a huge hard on under the table though. It's one of the best parts of the scene, the meeting new people and the excitement you get before and during the first meet.

As long as you've been clear in your intentions then it comes down to being read properly. Ooops, that's where it falls down isn't it...

Either way I'll have a skinny cap, extra shot please.

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By *ollie_JCouple
over a year ago

London

Are we talking coffee meet on. A swinging site or coffee meet on a vanilla dating site

If i were a single bloke my expectation between the two may be different

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By *ruit OP Woman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

"Are we talking coffee meet on. A swinging site or coffee meet on a vanilla dating site

If i were a single bloke my expectation between the two may be different"

Coffee meet on a swing site ie here.

I always say if there is a chance that a coffee meet could turn into more,so making it clear.

But if arranging to meet just for a coffee as that is all I am wanting to do that day then I say it is meeting for coffee.

I know the difference but guess unless it is "just for coffee" and make it clear at that point then guess thats better.

I have met people for just a coffee and then arranged another time to meet for fun,but have always said its coffee,really now wondering if guys listen to that word coffee and assume/expect more,even tho I havent hinted at any more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately from what I can gather, the average male on here selects key words and reads what he wants to read. Like not reading a profile fully.

Coffee is coffee.

Coffee and maybe... is exactly that (including the possibility of biscuits to dunk as well if it all goes well)!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I was meeting some one for coffee I would think ,its a good start ,wouldn’t think it meant sex what if you don’t like them, no harm in just coffee ,good way of breaking the ice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always tell some one when we start chatting that just cos I am chatting does not guarantee I will meet them, and meeting them does not guarantee playing with them and that chemistry does not always happen in person so I never guarantee naughty fun before a meet. Its worked for me so far

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

to me a "coffee meet" is just that. do we actually like each other is the point of it.

whilst "sex" is obviously the point of this site, some of us actually like the social side of it and are quite happy to "have a chat".

I'm "chatting" to a couple of people on here and would actually love to continue that in person. If, and I stress if, it led to anything else, then fine. But if not, I'd like to think that we could still be the chat-buddies that we were before.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i make a point of saying that a coffee is just that, no assumptions, no expectations on either party.

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By *ruit OP Woman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

Think I will continue to amle the point of re itterating it is coffee lol.

Always make a point of looking good and smelling nice etc. Thanks everyone xx

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By *ruit OP Woman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

make

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok when you have arranged to meet for a coffee before arranging a meet with a person do they actually think if the coffee goes ok then maybe we will take it back to hers for sex?

Or do the guys think it is a coffee and unless she says well maybe after.....

or see how coffee goes and then after...

Just curious how men read it.

I know I read it coffee equals coffee/or tea of course lol.

Guys....honestly, what do you read it as.

But do men see it very different?"

I thought the old "Coffee" line was blatantly obvious...its code for.. "You fa-koff-ee"

lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we all know that coffee now meens actually coffee. the new code is "would you like to come and see my snow globe collection"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"we all know that coffee now meens actually coffee. the new code is "would you like to come and see my snow globe collection""

water globes....and there's nothing wrong with them, except they are harder than gold dust to collect!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I arrange to meet for coffee I most always arrange it for during my lunch hour. That way it's a dead cert that after 50 mins I've d*unk my Costa & I'm out of there! If its a hit he'll get a text as I head back to work telling him, if it's a miss the text usually says 'Thanks for a lovely time, take care & have fun' Clear enough?!!

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By *urreyfun2008Man
over a year ago

East Grinstead

Coffee is just that coffee, then it is see how you both feel afterwards.

In the past that has meant meeting up again that evening. Other times its a polite, nice coffee but not my sort, other times its a few more flirty texts and a meet when both have more time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Coffee/tea/social drink to some, in fact nearly all the men ive met means:

i want to make love to you

I cant wait to "you know" wink wink

So when are we having sex?

Ive booked a hotel room (makes me feel obligated then

and sex not all that)

So when we meet, are we going back to yours? (lunchtime during work

)

Loads of compliments given making me puff me chest out but i know why they are saying it

Can you accommodate????

Think i need to get myself a tad stronger

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By *andsomgeorgeMan
over a year ago

Rugby

Agree, coffee meets tend to be mid morning or lunchtime and in that context even clearer. At least you would have put me out of misery quickly...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately from what I can gather, the average male on here selects key words and reads what he wants to read. Like not reading a profile fully.

Coffee is coffee.

Coffee and maybe... is exactly that (including the possibility of biscuits to dunk as well if it all goes well)!

Exactly that, coffee isnt coffee for some of those ive arranged to meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So coffee doesn’t stand for come over for fuck early evening then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That would depend on what kind of text I send!

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By *andy muncherMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

or even day time play
"That would depend on what kind of text I send! "

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By *U1966Man
over a year ago

Devon

I presume it means to be ready for sex but you might just get coffee which you should enjoy along with being sociable and wait for another time

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By *usterMan
over a year ago

worthing

I have read so many notes in profiles about couples not wanting to meet married men who are out on their own that I've always been pleasantly surprised(maybe that's the wrong word) that couples I have met are willing to take me back home and enter into sex playtime on a first meeting.

I am sure they are not as desparate as I am, lol.

I guess it's down to the fact that we have exchanged a few messages beforehand and worked out some common ground. Also I suspect that those who are willing to meet a man in his mid-60s realise that nearly all of us have something to share.

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By *ruit OP Woman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

When I meet someone for coffee it is purely just for that unless I specify that see how coffee goes and then after....

It is normally been during my morning free and a time limit is necessasry due to collecting children.

I have often wondered if men read in to it what they want. There has been times when they have asked if afterwards..... and the answer has been no as have to collect children.

If I have met someone for a drink and by that I mean evening I have said then have a drink and see how what happens after and sometimes yes sex has followed and other times not.

For me it is also about free time as evening free time is so limited.

Daytime free time has been limited but a touch more than evenings.

Looking forward to having a touch more daytimes free

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are we talking coffee meet on a swinging site or coffee meet on a vanilla dating site

If i were a single bloke my expectation between the two may be different"

"Meet for coffee" is "meet for coffee", regardless of what kind of site people meet through. Anybody who thinks that "meet for coffee" really means "meet for sex" is hindering the whole lifestyle of swinging.

If we ever get to a stage when adults cannot arrange to meet strangers for coffee, without one or more of them feeling pressured into sex, then we will have come to a very sorry state of the world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if i mention the word coffee or drink it means just that

someone i would want to see 1st and get to know in the hope of fun at a later date

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By *nemichaelMan
over a year ago

kings lynn

I would be happy to meet not for a coffee or tea as I hate both. However, I would have no problem with meeting for a drink, lunch or dinner to see how it goes.

I would not want a lady to go back to hers or else where, if she didn't at least fancy me in some way. So I would expect exactly what is said "meet for drink and see how we get along". After all we are not animals.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Turn up for coffee, with no expectations but a slight background hope.

I've had plenty of social meets that went no further, and have never been disappointed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Although thinking back a while I went out with a very nice chap from here. For drinks. Except the drink he bought me was a whole bottle of pink champagne.....how could a girl possibly refuse?! Yumm yumm yumm.....aaaahhh happy days

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Does anyone "take Tea" or is that a different thread?

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By *ummy mummyWoman
over a year ago

southampton-ish

"Turn up for coffee, with no expectations but a slight background hope.

I've had plenty of social meets that went no further, and have never been disappointed.

and I am sure that none of them were disappointed either

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

And would you like digestives or shortbread with that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does anyone "take Tea" or is that a different thread?"

tea 2 sugars and milk pls

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By *andKCouple
over a year ago

Norfolk

a coffee right now would be nice, a meet would be better though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok when you have arranged to meet for a coffee before arranging a meet with a person do they actually think if the coffee goes ok then maybe we will take it back to hers for sex?

Or do the guys think it is a coffee and unless she says well maybe after.....

or see how coffee goes and then after...

Just curious how men read it.

I know I read it coffee equals coffee/or tea of course lol.

Guys....honestly, what do you read it as.

But do men see it very different?"

Here is my thoughts, If offered a meet for coffee / drink then I NEVER EXPECT any more however if we click and hit it off famously then I would have no objection to doing more BUT I wouldn't push a tiny thing it would have to be a mutual agreement.

This might read as very corny and sorry but it's the only way I look at it. I treat a first meet exactly the same as I would treat a "first date" polite respectful and easy going every time.

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By *ruit OP Woman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

Rex marry me lol xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Rex marry me lol xx"

Book the registry office I have the first and second week in november off work lol lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Turn up for coffee, with no expectations but a slight background hope.

I've had plenty of social meets that went no further, and have never been disappointed.

Phew!!

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"Turn up for coffee, with no expectations but a slight background hope.

I've had plenty of social meets that went no further, and have never been disappointed.

Phew!!

Which part gets the "phew"?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i assume coffee and maybe a snack,with a view of a further meeting but i hvae met a few females that have stressed just coffee as they have had meets with blokes with high expectations

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

have read this thread with interest...

have just had my first meet and it was for "coffee".

and that's just what is was, two of us, over coffees, talking, laughing and just getting-on.

yes, I found myself very attracted to her but, this was for coffee, we had made that plain beforehand but..........

as we left, and I was going to give her a lift home, we kissed!! I just went for it as it seemed so right at the time. WOW, such a rush as our lips met. But that was all as time was pressing and rules are rules.

So back on the point of this thread, yes, all i expected was a "coffee" and meeting a new person in my life.

Do i wish we could "have-gone-further" , hell yes, but.... do i regret not having done so, NO!

I like to think that I now have a friend and if things go further, then so be it. but if not, then hopefully we will still be able to chat and have social fun.

So to sum up, finally, I hear you say!, Yes, coffee meets should be just that and in my case, a great way to start, to meet a fabulous woman, and to wait and see what happens.

watch this space, you never know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends where you meet. If you invited me to yours for a coffee then that’s on the table but I would be optimistic that there maybe more. If I met at Starbucks then I would see it as a getting to know each other. I always leave a few hours spare in case things change though. I never assume anything and if its going to be more than a coffee its something that is talked about openly if you get on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It just so happens I've been lucky with my meets so far - have played on all of them although a couple began on the premise of a drink.

That said I would never make any assumptions at the outset. You never know whether the rapport you strike up on line will carry through to the meet. Many things could happen which means it just doesn't feel right. Therefore for me a coffee is just a coffee.

Have had any long distance meets yet but the same would apply - one of the occupational hazards I guess is if you travel a long way there is always a chance you could be disappointed.

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By *ruit OP Woman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

When I meet for a coffee it is in town in a coffee house or something like that and it is just coffee. If there has been a chance that something more may happen,thats if I have the time spare and the attraction has been there then I have said coffee and see what happens.

But when I say meet for a coffee and dont elaborate more then in my eys it is just coffee with a possible view to meet for fun another time.

Guess everyone sees things different dont they

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A coffee should be nothing more unless it's a skinny latte lol

For my 2p if I ask someone for coffee or lunch then that's all it should be. I want to see them. I want to see if we click. If we don't then at least we've had a nice coffee/chat or meal & a chat.

If we click & we click well sure we can have a 'play' but I don't have any expectations & hopefully the person I'm meeting doesn't either that way we can't let each other down

Take me as you find me!

Have me if I like you

Keep me if you trap me hehehe!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I arrange to meet for coffee I most always arrange it for during my lunch hour. That way it's a dead cert that after 50 mins I've d*unk my Costa & I'm out of there! If its a hit he'll get a text as I head back to work telling him, if it's a miss the text usually says 'Thanks for a lovely time, take care & have fun' Clear enough?!!"

Same here: no ambiguity about what to expect and never had a problem!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are we talking coffee meet on a swinging site or coffee meet on a vanilla dating site

If i were a single bloke my expectation between the two may be different

If we ever get to a stage when adults cannot arrange to meet strangers for coffee, without one or more of them feeling pressured into sex, then we will have come to a very sorry state of the world."

I agree with you, but reading this thread it appears both sexes are ambiguous at times when they say "meet for coffee".

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By *adcowWoman
over a year ago

kirkcaldy

well if meeting outside a home for one i wouldn't go to sainsbury's just now

but i agree with the "meet for coffee" is just that coffee and a chat no pre suposition for play

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If its a hit he'll get a text as I head back to work telling him,

if it's a miss the text usually says 'Thanks for a lovely time, take care & have fun' Clear enough?!!"

So that's what that means! What's wrong saying it face to face or in a phone call?

I thought it was only men who could be impersonal!

Hehe note to self - turn off phone after a coffee bury head in sand change number

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

My boss sent me an email earlier today saying we should catch up and discuss a few things tomorrow morning over coffee... should I be worried? I've accepted the invitation as I didn't really have much choice, but I'm starting to worry that our expectations may not match. What if it's more than just coffee that's on offer? He's really not my type!

On a more serious note, to me meeting for coffee is just that - meeting for coffee. Unfortunately I'm a bit on the naïve side and even if the intention was for something other than just coffee, it's likely to go over my head unless it's spelt out to me v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y in words of one syllable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are we talking coffee meet on a swinging site or coffee meet on a vanilla dating site

If i were a single bloke my expectation between the two may be different

If we ever get to a stage when adults cannot arrange to meet strangers for coffee, without one or more of them feeling pressured into sex, then we will have come to a very sorry state of the world.

I agree with you, but reading this thread it appears both sexes are ambiguous at times when they say "meet for coffee".

It definitely is ambiguous, if for example, i meet a guy for an evening drink and neither of us can accommodate, it is only a social drink, if i meet someone that has a hotel booked and both of us fancy it, we will go back to his. Its the guy that books a hotel in advance with the "well ive got a meeting in Tewkesbury so its easier this way" and you know he's booked it because he thinks and hopes the social drink will be more, thats the ones that really wont get another meet. It makes me feel obligated as theyve spent a lot of money (even £20 is a lot to me at this moment in time)and the last one wasnt all that

On the otherhand if one meets someone at lunchtime, there is no chance of playing at all so i think, they are probably the best to go for.

Incidentally i did meet 2 guys this week that were quite happy for it just to be a social drink

and i got no questions like "so do you fancy it?" or "shall we book a room" or "i want to make love to you"

what a bloody refreshing change

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By *ebsmith46Man
over a year ago

Solihull

OMG - I'm awful. I ALWAYS expect extras with coffee. I mean it doesn't have to be the full on starbucks cheesecake but at the very least there should be those little chocolate things. Perhaps I should stick to pub lunches?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are we talking coffee meet on a swinging site or coffee meet on a vanilla dating site

If i were a single bloke my expectation between the two may be different

If we ever get to a stage when adults cannot arrange to meet strangers for coffee, without one or more of them feeling pressured into sex, then we will have come to a very sorry state of the world.

I agree with you, but reading this thread it appears both sexes are ambiguous at times when they say "meet for coffee".

On the otherhand if one meets someone at lunchtime, there is no chance of playing at all so i think, they are probably the best to go for.

Incidentally i did meet 2 guys this week that were quite happy for it just to be a social drink

and i got no questions like "so do you fancy it?" or "shall we book a room" or "i want to make love to you"

what a bloody refreshing change

I can honestly say I've never felt obligated to sleep with someone because they've bought me a vodka and slimline, and they've had to top up their Oyster card to travel to meet me!!

I set the ground rules prior to meeting - there is absolutely no ambiguiouty on my or potential meets part that it will be anything more than a social meet.

No one has ever tried to pursuade me back to a hotel or a car park, but they wouldn't as they know from the get go - (a) I don't do hotels...ever, and (b) no playing on the first meet...ever!!! Many have asked if I could stay longer and sometimes I have, but not once has anyone tried to pursuade me to play with them there and then.

I understand that not everyone will do things the way I do, but I do find it rather alarming that grown women on a sex site feel intimidated to sleep with someone just because they've booked a room in the local Travel Lodge..wow!!!

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By *ustyWoman
over a year ago

inverclyde

now being a single female with a daughter i do prefer to meet for a coffee or drink first to see how get on and then if click take it another stage further............ thinking of my safety at the end of the day, if dont click then dont meet again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always assume meet for coffee is just that, and definitely on here I would want to meet someone somewhere safe and neutral to see if we are interested in each other. Id then want to arrange a proper meet to get physical.

Thats different to being on a date and someone saying "wanna come back for coffee". I think people would generally read more into that. Just my thoughts anyhow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A coffee should be nothing more unless it's a skinny latte lol

For my 2p if I ask someone for coffee or lunch then that's all it should be. I want to see them. I want to see if we click. If we don't then at least we've had a nice coffee/chat or meal & a chat.

If we click & we click well sure we can have a 'play' but I don't have any expectations & hopefully the person I'm meeting doesn't either that way we can't let each other down

Take me as you find me!

Have me if I like you

Keep me if you trap me hehehe!

i think thats why i like a social meet 1st

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Coffee means sex

Coffee and chocolate muffin means bum sex

Fizzy Lemonade means water sports.

Christ do you lot not keep up with current swinging terminology

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

when we were younger "would you like to come back to my place for coffee" usually meant "let's fuck!"

we have many happy memories of "going back for coffee" but not having any coffee!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Coffee and chocolate muffin means bum sex

Fizzy Lemonade means water sports.

*Noted!*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"when we were younger "would you like to come back to my place for coffee" usually meant "let's fuck!"

we have many happy memories of "going back for coffee" but not having any coffee!

when i was young and pulled someone that what it meant that coffee at mine ( sex)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can only respond to the OP personally, but taking this sites topoc and agenda where people can be open and frank about what they want, coffee means simply that. If I get invited for coffee and lets see I wouldn't think if anything was gonna happen it would actually happen that visit. I would presume there was interest but uncertaintity, we'd meet, chat etc then part company and the lady would contact me again if she wanted it to progress.

To flip the question round to you ladies, if a bloke suggests coffee, what do you think he means?

I am one of those new to all this, my circumstances are a little unique so I'd want to meet for a coffee or something social first so I can be upfront about everything and the lady knew exactly what I was about, where I am etc I've invited one person for coffee and got "yer right not falling for that, bye" wasn't actually worded as politely, but you get the picture...

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By *ruit OP Woman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

I would think coffee is just coffee wether he invites or I invite.

I am sure it can work the same way that if they guy says have coffee and see what happens if we click.... that tends to show the door is open for coffee and then maybe some fun after.

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By *ounglad87Man
over a year ago

West Yorkshire

"We don't arrange to "meet for coffee" but every meet we arrange is clearly stated as being on a "no strings" basis, if we all feel comfortable playing we play, if one person doesn't feel comfortable we don't play, sometimes we meet up at a later date and play then.

I agree here.

I don't meet people for social drinks or coffees as that's not what I'm here for. I can prove I'm genuine and am happy to see if I click by talking to people on the phone etc. but I'm not here to build a social network of friends - just friends within this niche interest that obviously have other benefits lol.

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