FabSwingers.com forum: Jealousy

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I am sure this has been discussed before and I have found reports on the internet,but what is the best way to deal with this issue in a relationship as a couple. Him likes the idea of being completely open, She likes the idea of it all but finds it difficult imagining him with another woman.

Hard to seperate fantasy and reality etc.

We have an understanding of the idea of insecurities lead to "confidence lack" with leads to jealousy but how can you combat insecurities without just jumping into swinging head first. Will it take so many years that we end up old and regretful people? (Inception)

He thinks She to considers herself to be inferior to every other Woman in the world and Him to be superior to Her and as though everything is a threat... yet I He sees it just as love and extra-love as something seperate... any thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless you are BOTH 100% comfortable about swinging and being intimate with others I would go back to just thinking and talking about it.

We talked about this for several years before we went ahead and both agreed that if either of us, in anyway felt that it wasn't for them that would be the end of it. If you have been together a while you should know each other enough to be able at a glance to see if your partner is happy with a situation or not. But if you already feel threatened (OK not a great choice in words) by the thought of your guy with another female, I would wait a while and give it some more though.

You could damage a really good relationship by doing something that you obviously do not feel totally at ease with. Being relaxed and happy is the name of the game if you like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dont be doing anything you are not comfortsble with ......and im guessing your age and maybe immaturity may have something to do with your fears ???.i dont think i could hae coped with my b/f having se with another girl at 20 ??..concentrate on having fun with each other ....

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By *ush girlWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

Sounds like another selfish man is about to break a relationship!!

She obviously wants to keep you by allowing you to talk about it but your 'test' has failed & I suggest if you want to keep her you drop the idea alltogether

good luck-you need it!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

If one of us wasn't 100% happy then we wouldn't do it.

I am a bit confused though, as you say she can't step from fantasy to reality, and yet on your profile it says you have already.

We all have fantasies, crossing the line to reality is a big step and one a lot of people don't take and by the sounds of it, your OH either doesn't want to....or has decided after your first meet that it isn't for her.

If it was us, we would delete the profile so it doesn't put any pressure on the other half....drop the subject and concentrate on each other.

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

I would also step right back and delete your profile(or hide it) and carry on discussing it.

If mrs isnt ready then I think mr should be saying ok lets put the brakes on and leave it for now and concentrate on the relationship.

I am getting the timpression as others have that mr is the driving force in this and that is the wrong way to do it.

It shold be both of you wanting and ready to do this, not mr ready and mrs not too sure due to lots of hesitations.

You are both very young and at that age are probably still learning about each other unless you have been together since you were 10,so step back and dont take any more action with this,.

Your relationship is paramount yes?

Swinging isnt more important is it?

So delete the profile and talk more. Until your both totally happy with no hidden insecurities(even the one she may not vocalise) then dont do any more.

Good luck and get delelting.xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Confused

Im assuming the M is the OP here & is unsure about 'pushing' the OH as jelousy is coming I to it!!

Your profile reads as if the F has written it & is boasting about how the M can satisfy her? Yet she is the one who's not comfortable ???

To me I think this is another single male pretending to be a couple scenario or at best a Guy playing behind his partners back!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Confused

Im assuming the M is the OP here & is unsure about 'pushing' the OH as jelousy is coming I to it!!

Your profile reads as if the F has written it & is boasting about how the M can satisfy her? Yet she is the one who's not comfortable ???

To me I think this is another single male pretending to be a couple scenario or at best a Guy playing behind his partners back!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sound more like a couple that’s taken the fantasy side of things up to another level, but found there’s a jealousy issue present and tried asking for advice.

Only advise we would offer is take things slowly, talk, talk and talk again, communication is key, as is confidence, and trust, which needs built up by the sound of things, that’s assuming both want to carry on, if one is unsure then give up now. You might not like this final bit but in our personal opinion we think a lot of the problems may be down to both of you being so young, maybe your just not ready?

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By *it of fun cplCouple
over a year ago

village between York and Hull

We find a little tinge of jelousy adds to it all for us.. it is not the Green eyed monster but just a little twinge every now and then is healthy. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi guys thanks for the advice. I think its the general "take it slow advice" and thats a good idea. Just wondered whether anybody had found techniques or ways of thinking about things.

It is more a case of certain boundaries being in place with issues - neither party is completely for or against. I think we both love being at the club as its really relaxed and good fun, but would not entertain 2v2 meets yet as swapping would be a pressure there.

klit king - we are definitely a couple and both are not interested in cheating.

Dogmeisters - think you have hit it on the head really. caught in limbo since we both really want to do it, and to be at the position that it represents emotionally (liberation and trust wise) but time must be the only safe way to progess.

higgi229 - thats what we are after in terms of using jealousy for good and stopping the negative reactions. Even if not swinging, that doesnt make a person with insecurities stop being jealous. We want to be able to enjoy the jealousy in every day life like you!

We will definitely hide the profile for a time and just do some thinking, maybe carry on going to the TownHouse just to feel the environment but with the same strict boundaries.

On a final note, we have read various post on the internet where the guy is asking how he can talk/trick the girl into it, and that is definitely not our case... slow and steady but and helping remarks welcomed.

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

From your last message it does look like your listening and thinking.

I have to say I do agree with another recent poster who said that they felt you are both too young.

I have to agree. Maybe now is the time to be together for some time and enjoy how it is. Then when your both ready and have talked through everthing to then return to the site.

Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah thanks,

Definitely just needs time I can imagine, and we are quite young. Got plenty of time, so not rushing into the lifestyle, but even in everyday life - i know everyone has their own little confidence problems but how do people deal with it?

Maybe its a healthy thing that all relationships go through. Only been together for a couple of years too, everything seems to be going well and each day is better so hope report positive changes back to you guys somewhere down the line.

I think we love the swinging for the social side as much as anything. We are living in a new city and dont have that many friends so its just nice to have something private that we share. You guys are a credit to the community and all made good suggestions. I watched the other day as a thread escalated before being stopped - the one about the single guy asking for help on how to get his gf into it and he had been cheating, at least we are doing this on steady open terms and I think that way there is no damage to be made

Thanks x

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

Those who suffer with insecurity issues tend to have jealousy issues, only YOU know whether your partner has any underlying insecurity issues, if so, I would tackle that issue as a first, hopefully, once that issue is manageable, any jealousy issues should then become manageable.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah thanks, I agree I think all insecurities are too personal for a partner or anyone else to be able to generalise, but totally agree over your idea of the root of jealousy.

Cheers x

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

Firstly, we would wonder what a couple as young as you is hoping to find in swinging! At your age, we were in the throws of passion and didn't even have enough hours in the day to satisfy each other, let alone another couple!

The females problem with this is only to be expected and it seems to be his "brain in cock" mentality that is driving! (no offence meant, just a fact of life!) As far as we are concerned, Mrs R drives what we do! If she says no to any meet or anything we do on a meet, then NO it is!

Our advice that will not go down a bomb with him, would be to get to know each other first and see where that takes you, before trying to see where someone else in your bed will lead!

Whatever path you choose, take care and hope it works out for you xxxx

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

Bleedin 'ell folks.

Can you lot stop giving advice!!

People are actually starting to listen!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we have been married 21 yrs and for 10 of the later years it was mostly fantasy, now into our 4th year

time = ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

jealousy is a bad thing and i should know as i was once treat for morbid jealousy. this is where you think thoughts for someone else. linda couldent go to the shops without me asking a thousand questions. anyway i wont bore you with all the details i got help and got over it . see the thing was i wanted to go with other women so i knew i had to let linda go with another fella otherwise it wouldent work. we have been together for 35 years and swinging for 16 years we luv each other t bits and you know what its all down to TRUST if you have that and you love each other theres nothing to be jealous about . just treat it as a game im sure in time use will be able to enjoy swinging togther to the full . hope this help DR JIMMY .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to be 110% certain that it's what you BOTH want.

Swinging has to be a joint venture on an equal basis,if there's the slightest doubt then forget it.

Swinging might be fun but it's not worth risking a relationship for.

The thing is that for the most part men are a bit more of a basic animal than women who can sometimes find it difficult to separate sex from love.

That's were jealousy can arise and there's nothing more likely to destroy a relationship than jealousy.

XXXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" We talked about this for several years before we went ahead and both agreed that if either of us, in anyway felt that it wasn't for them that would be the end of it. If you have been together a while you should know each other enough to be able at a glance to see if your partner is happy with a situation or not. "

I completely agree with that, swinging wouldnt work if one is not happy or if one has any insecurities. The key is to be able to talk about it honestly and openly with each other, Well that works for Gary and myself and everyone gets nervous before a meet when first starting out that adds to it all, but if there is any jealousy then thats the time you need to step back and stop, its not worth losing your relationship over. Hope it all works out for you both

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By *acreadCouple
over a year ago

central scotland

As all of the above have said if in doubt dont do it

If you did meet a cpl and one of you were jealous/not 100% sure then its gauranteed that none of the 4 of you will enjoy the meet as the tension will be felt all round

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We find a little tinge of jelousy adds to it all for us.. it is not the Green eyed monster but just a little twinge every now and then is healthy. x"

Tend to agree with this, I would worry if I did not feel a tinge of jealousy as its an emotion that does not always mean rage and anger, the fact is though that if you feel so strongly about this that you are looking for advice on it then you really should take a step back, im thinking you really need to be sure before you carry on before it ruins your relationship.

Master ( Katie can give her own opinions on this )

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