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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

If this is the right place , my wife and I had a good sex life when we first met and when we got married , we often watched porn together as we played with each other on the settee , she would dress up for sex wearing sheer stockings and high heels as well , we never discussed swapping but she was a very sexy girl , we eventually had twin boys but lost one as they was 3 months prem , the one left has autism which is very hard for us, my wife was 23 when we met and I was 39 , we have been together for 22:years and care still but since we had our boy who is 11 now she has not really been interested in sex at all , tried talking about it but doesn't seem to change anything, do you think I should suggest she takes a lover or do something else,;I am open to any ideas people may have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She is probably just to tied to feel sexy and take time for her self after looking after your son ! May be you could take the time to book a nice weekend away for her. it will help take the pressure off her and help to get her back to her old self . X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If she's gone off sex I doubt she will want a lover

Are you thinking she has gone off you rather than sex?

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By *ussexsocialMan
over a year ago

Billingshurst

Take time to forfill her needs without the pressure of sex at the end of it ( we all get stuck in ruts sometimes) romance her , arrange babysitters and take her out for a meal , cinema whatever she likes, just enjoy each other's company again and go from there

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for all your comments and helpfulness its nice to know people still take the time to try and help, its hard to get baby sitters here as we don't have relatives here and because of his autism it would be hard to get someone who would know how to cope with him , I do help as much as I can cleaning ironing sometimes general stuff looking after the house as well as the boy, I don't think she's gone off me but who knows for sure, that's why I wondered if it might do her good to go out on evenings out with her friends from work sometimes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does she know you have a profile here ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

No I would not know how she would take it, if she went with someone else I would not mind if it got us back to how we used to be, but in our years together we have never discussed swapping , before she went off sex we would sometimes have sex 3 to 4 times a day , it seemed to go wrong after the boys being born

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From female point of view who is like this now after having our son, her taking a lover wouldn't help her. She may feel tired, unattractive after having a baby and worried u may not feel same about het, try having a night in together maybe a nice bath together, or

running her one with candles then suggest a nice relaxing massage telling her how beautiful you still think she is and how much u adore her body, u are moat prob frustrated with no sex life but she may have reasons in herself as to why her sex life is gone that she just needs to relax and see. How much u still love her x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks for all your comments and helpfulness its nice to know people still take the time to try and help, its hard to get baby sitters here as we don't have relatives here and because of his autism it would be hard to get someone who would know how to cope with him , I do help as much as I can cleaning ironing sometimes general stuff looking after the house as well as the boy, I don't think she's gone off me but who knows for sure, that's why I wondered if it might do her good to go out on evenings out with her friends from work sometimes"

I'm not sure if it's the same where you live but my friend has help in the form of respite care for her autistic child, a family locally have him one weekend a month so they get a break and he has gone to them for a few years now so knows them and is comfortable around them, might be worth a search in your area to see what help there is x

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By *oveSlutForUseCouple
over a year ago

Brighton


" it seemed to go wrong after the boys being born"

SO you make a profile on a swingers site.

You seem...

Nah I can't be bothered. the quote above is enough

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No I would not know how she would take it, if she went with someone else I would not mind if it got us back to how we used to be, but in our years together we have never discussed swapping , before she went off sex we would sometimes have sex 3 to 4 times a day , it seemed to go wrong after the boys being born"

So you think having a profile on here seeking to meet others behind her back is going to remedy the situation?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you to everyone who gave me constructive advice on what to do, as for the others ,when u know what its like to go with out sex for a very very long time when u have a very high sex drive even though u love the person you're with and u have no idea what to do then u can comment , I came on here out of frustration , and also I love my wife but would not mind her doing something with someone else if she enjoyed it because I love her , this would not happen unless she got back to her old self anyway.

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By *he devil wears pradaWoman
over a year ago

gosport ish


" it seemed to go wrong after the boys being born

SO you make a profile on a swingers site.

You seem...

Nah I can't be bothered. the quote above is enough"

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By *dventuroususCouple
over a year ago

sunderland

Cheating is not the answer, a swinging site is not the place to satisfy your cheating urges, talk to your wife, explain how you feel, like you have done on here, concentrate your efforts and energy on her not on cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you to everyone who gave me constructive advice on what to do, as for the others ,when u know what its like to go with out sex for a very very long time when u have a very high sex drive even though u love the person you're with and u have no idea what to do then u can comment , I came on here out of frustration , and also I love my wife but would not mind her doing something with someone else if she enjoyed it because I love her , this would not happen unless she got back to her old self anyway."

If she had a fling would that not make you feel worse knowing she wants another man and not you? Or is it you justifying you being on here? I'd do what others suggest, get off here, forget your wife being with another man and concentrate on being a couple. You've both been through hell of a lot and need to be close again. Good luck xx

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley


"Thanks for all your comments and helpfulness its nice to know people still take the time to try and help, its hard to get baby sitters here as we don't have relatives here and because of his autism it would be hard to get someone who would know how to cope with him , I do help as much as I can cleaning ironing sometimes general stuff looking after the house as well as the boy, I don't think she's gone off me but who knows for sure, that's why I wondered if it might do her good to go out on evenings out with her friends from work sometimes"

I'm sorry but I find it extremely cold of you to refer to him as 'THe Boy' rather than 'MY SON'

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By *onyneMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

It does sound like you are in a difficult and complicated situation...take care and whatever you do have a good think of the outcomes first. There is some good discussion here that it sounds like you will take heed of.

Good luck and hope things improve for you both

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should talk to her and share your feelings, she will need someone to talk to and it is your baby too that died x

a death of a baby no matter the age will kill the mother it is the worst pain a woman can go through x

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

dealing with an autistic son is hard so you need to get some form of respite care where they know how to handle it then you can both have a little time to yourselves

talk to your wife . tell her you miss the closeness you once had but don't pressurise good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you to everyone who gave me constructive advice on what to do, as for the others ,when u know what its like to go with out sex for a very very long time when u have a very

high sex drive even though u love the person you're with and u have no idea what to do then u can comment , I came on here out of frustration , and also I love my wife but would not mind her doing something with someone else if she enjoyed it because I love her , this would not happen unless she got back to her old self anyway."

I didn't criticise your decision to be on here I offered some advice on how to help but would just like to point out however frustrated you may be is not a reason to cheat, my partner and I haven't had sex for some time now and he hasn't gone looking else where he keeps trying his hardest with me maybe you should concentrate all yore added attention on your wife even if you feel like you're getting no where ( I know that how my other half must feel moat of the time) than looking for one night stands that may leave you feeling guilty and wreck you're relationship with your wife and son x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you to everyone who gave me constructive advice on what to do, as for the others ,when u know what its like to go with out sex for a very very long time when u have a very high sex drive even though u love the person you're with and u have no idea what to do then u can comment , I came on here out of frustration , and also I love my wife but would not mind her doing something with someone else if she enjoyed it because I love her , this would not happen unless she got back to her old self anyway."

Well in that case i CAN comment here as i went without sex for a very long time and know how it feels etc etc .... you probably wont like my comment but here it is anyway .... making yourself a profile here is NOT going to help, you can really only sort out your life by talking to your wife about how you feel and also maybe make sure you treat her as a desirable woman by giving her nice comments and doing nice things for her so she feels loved and desired .... having a secret profile here is a bad thing in my eyes, imagine how she would feel if she found out !!!! ... really loved and desired hey, in fact so much that you have got a single guys profile on a swingers site lol

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By *qua vitaeWoman
over a year ago

Shropshire/Midlands

I fully understand how you feel, as I'm in exactly the same situation as you. No one who has never had an autistic child, can ever understand what it's like having an autistic child and being within a sexless relationship. Unfortunately, some of the holier than thou don't understand that it is not that easy to get babysitters, respite care or even leave a relationship when it's not working when one has an autistic child.

All I can suggest is try to keep the communication going, share the responsibilities with raising your son (I know this is can be difficult, especially when he's probably closer to his mum than you), or try to see a councillor when he's at school. Your local GP practice may have a free councillor on site, or there's Relate, but at £50 a time!

Try to do something about it now whilst he's still young, as when he hits puberty, it will be a rocky few years ahead.

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