FabSwingers.com forum: The separation of making love and sex

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How what and which bits separate one from another for you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You hope the other person you are fucking loves you to when it's making love, but when it's just sex you don't give a fuck if they love you or not (but also hope they don't love you and you don't fall for them coz that complicates everything).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On here its sex ......with someone you love its making love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you don't know the answer, then probably all you ever do, with anybody, is limited to having sex....

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By *riskynriskyCouple
over a year ago

Essex.

If you fart and nobody looks embarrassed, it's making love...

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

I make love to the person I am in a relationship with (if i am in one at the time)....

I have sex with everyone else......

sex with friends is ultra cool....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/12/14 18:56:12]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you fart and nobody looks embarrassed, it's making love..."

i've made love to a fair few people on here then...

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By *riskynriskyCouple
over a year ago

Essex.

"If you fart and nobody looks embarrassed, it's making love...

i've made love to a fair few people on here then...

lol....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you fart and nobody looks embarrassed, it's making love...

i've made love to a fair few people on here then...

Must have been love puffs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

making love - starts with a cuddle

sex - starts with a blow job

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't make love with someone you don't love and you can't have sex with someone you love. There is no distinction, no seperation, at all in the acts themselves... only in your relationship to the person you're doing them with

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By *inkxRabbitWoman
over a year ago

Mostly in GU24

"If you fart and nobody looks embarrassed, it's making love...

i've made love to a fair few people on here then...

Must have been love puffs

I love it hahaha. That's what I'll tell them the next time it happens to me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you fart and nobody looks embarrassed, it's making love..."

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

Making love you have a connection with the other person.

Sex is just fucking with out emotional ties.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How what and which bits separate one from another for you?"

For me personally its far more passionate and tender making love and far deeper but thats me what about you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's the feelings and emotions you have towards who you are with that makes the difference between making love and a good old fashioned shag

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By *orn_To_PerformCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

"making love - starts with a cuddle

sex - starts with a blow job"

Brilliant!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fucking is fucking the love part is being brought a brew afterwards

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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago

Nr Manchester

"If you fart and nobody looks embarrassed, it's making love...

i've made love to a fair few people on here then...

Must have been love puffs

I love it hahaha. That's what I'll tell them the next time it happens to me!

What about fanny farts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all in the head.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Sex is inclusive

Love is exclusive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you can simply walk away from sex -

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Making love you have a connection with the other person.

Sex is just fucking with out emotional ties."

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"How what and which bits separate one from another for you?"

It's a mindset thing. Some people can easily separate the two. Others can't.

Guess which set have the more issues...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As I said before, it's impossible to make love with someone you don't love... it's not a mindset thing, it's not about connecting more or less, it's not about whether you get a blow job first or a cuddle lol

... it's all about whether you actually love them or not.

There is no way of approaching it which separates the two things, nothing you need to get straight in your head, nothing you need to do to ensure everyone's on the same page. Either you love the person, in which case you're making love, or you don't, in which case it's just sex. It's not complicated, requires no special clarity or precautions, and needs no further explanation really

That's my 2p anyway

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

Together, it's making love; sexual pleasure plus emotional connections. With others, it's just fucking and the aim is simply pleasure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To me, making love is just a phrase for gentle tender sex. When I'm with a lady, we fuck we screw, we shag and we make love, my friends will verify this.

For the time were together, be it hours, a night or a weekend we are lovers and can make love if we choose. It's all just sex.....now being in love.....well that's a whole different ball game

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On here its sex ......with someone you love its making love "

Exactly this, I am here for fun, not love

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By *ing and RideCouple
over a year ago

stockport

Hmmmm without emotional ties. Great if both in a relationship, happy days. But if one of the two is single I not sure. If the sex is good, he or she makes you feel good, dangerous ground I feel. But hey what the hell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Making love to me is gentle soft sex with gentle kisses in between.

Sex is rough, wild even, that incls rough kisses.

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By *ilthygorgeous1Couple
over a year ago

Oxford

"I make love to the person I am in a relationship with (if i am in one at the time)....

I have sex with everyone else......

sex with friends is ultra cool....

Echo this!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No.emotoins involed in sex .

In love makin there are .

Sex is spontainous ripping clothes off rough

Love makin is gentle long foreplay

Well my opion.

X female of couple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You can't make love with someone you don't love and you can't have sex with someone you love. There is no distinction, no seperation, at all in the acts themselves... only in your relationship to the person you're doing them with

I can't agree with that, making love and relationships don't go hand in hand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't agree with that, making love and relationships don't go hand in hand"

I don't think they do there are lots in relationships that don't make love and also lots of people who aren't in one that will make love to another person too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting that even in this group of people with largely similar outlooks that there are so many differences of opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't agree with that, making love and relationships don't go hand in hand

I don't think they do there are lots in relationships that don't make love and also lots of people who aren't in one that will make love to another person too. "

You can only make love with someone you love, whether you're in a relationship with them or not. If you don't love them it's completely impossible to make love with them. Instead it's just sex. It might be 'just sex' because they're a complete stranger, in which case you haven't fallen in love with them yet, or it might be 'just sex' because they're someone you know very well but, for whatever reason, you aren't in love with them at that moment.

Apart from this, love making and sex are identical. They can both be gentle, they can both be rough, they can both involve spending the night and snuggling up, they can both involve having a quickie and then dashing off. They can both be deeply connecting, spiritual, and rewarding. As an onlooker, there is absolutely no way of distinguishing one from the other.

I'm sure a lot of singles on here enjoy sensitive, compassionate, gentle sex with strangers. This is 'just sex', albeit a very lovely and connecting form of sex. Love making comes later... when either of you fall in love with each other. By describing it as 'love making' the inference is that 'just sex' should be rough and uncompassionate, disconnected and athletic, in order for it to be distinguishable from love making. This is wrong imo.

There is no way of confusing making love and just sex. There is no way of accidentally making love with a stranger and therefore no need to protect yourselves from such an eventuality. It's a swinging myth. On the one hand they are utterly undistinguishable from each other to the naked eye, and yet on the other hand they are worlds apart to those who are in love. That's what I was trying to say

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I can't agree with that, making love and relationships don't go hand in hand

I don't think they do there are lots in relationships that don't make love and also lots of people who aren't in one that will make love to another person too.

You can only make love with someone you love, whether you're in a relationship with them or not. If you don't love them it's completely impossible to make love with them. Instead it's just sex. "

I know what you mean, if I were being pedantic I would agree you cannot be making love unless there is love involved, and that love can take sex to a whole new dimension.

However, one can have incredible sensual sex that is anything but 'just sex' in my opinion, if it was as tender as truly making love and indiscernable to the _iewer then that would have been a pretty special sexual experience regardless!

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By *rigidhippieMan
over a year ago

York

"If you fart and nobody looks embarrassed, it's making love...

i've made love to a fair few people on here then...

Must have been love puffs

I love it hahaha. That's what I'll tell them the next time it happens to me!

What about fanny farts?

I love it when a girl queefs...

All that air has to go somewhere...

Yummy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What about when you spend the weekend with your best friend. You have sex that can be incredible. You fall asleep in each other's arms. You have breakfast together and all that stuff.

You also have no gang ups or illusions about being "in a relationship". You both make sure everyone knows you are just good friends.

You discuss your meets with each other. She shows you texts from her ex...who still holds a candle lol...

Is that just sex...?

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By *pa and dCouple
over a year ago

Barnet

Sex is done with a condom on, making love is done without a condom!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sex is inclusive

Love is exclusive

mmmm, says it all!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/12/14 13:15:18]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To me, Sex is having a wank with someone you're attracted to. It's fun, it's a good way to spend an evening, and it beats watching eastenders.

To me, Sex isn't 'making love'. Making love is the jokes before and after. It's that morning you both can't be arsed, and it's that evening you both really, really can be. It's being as comfortable having sex as it is brushing your teeth or having a poop. It's all those private snippets of life that happens at 11pm on a Tuesday night. It's not sexy, it's not pornographic...it's safe and warm and loving.

I'm sure I'll change my mind if I'm still doing this at 60 and I'm living in an empty bungalow and listening to noted classical artist Tailor Swift on a loop through my cyberspce holonet player, but right now...um, having hot awkward sex is kinda more fun, to be honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't agree with that, making love and relationships don't go hand in hand

I don't think they do there are lots in relationships that don't make love and also lots of people who aren't in one that will make love to another person too.

You can only make love with someone you love, whether you're in a relationship with them or not. If you don't love them it's completely impossible to make love with them. Instead it's just sex.

I know what you mean, if I were being pedantic I would agree you cannot be making love unless there is love involved, and that love can take sex to a whole new dimension.

For me, what others refer to as being 'just sex' is what I call 'bad sex'. For me 'just sex' can be wonderfully rewarding and intimate. It's what I was having for quite a while... before I fell in love with Mrs Passion. There was one day where I suddenly realised that it wasn't just sex anymore... that there was a depth of connection and expression in the sex that turned it into love making. The act was the same, but it felt different.

I think we're both in agreement in a sense. I just feel that some swingers divide 'love making' from 'just sex' when in fact what they're actually doing is dividing 'good sex' from 'bad sex' by getting rid of all the intimacy and connection that should occur, even in 'just sex'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What about when you spend the weekend with your best friend. You have sex that can be incredible. You fall asleep in each other's arms. You have breakfast together and all that stuff.

You also have no gang ups or illusions about being "in a relationship". You both make sure everyone knows you are just good friends.

You discuss your meets with each other. She shows you texts from her ex...who still holds a candle lol...

Is that just sex...?"

This is a very interesting post... and I believe you're being genuine... it's just really rare to find people who can juggle friendship and sex. I'd say what you guys are doing here is a form of love making. But it's just not the kind of love making that leads to coupledom... it's more of a kind of love making that emerges in more polyamorous setups; a love making which isn't exclusive of others. I would like to imagine that we would be capable of that in our time swinging on here

Thx for sharing

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I can't agree with that, making love and relationships don't go hand in hand

I don't think they do there are lots in relationships that don't make love and also lots of people who aren't in one that will make love to another person too.

You can only make love with someone you love, whether you're in a relationship with them or not. If you don't love them it's completely impossible to make love with them. Instead it's just sex.

I know what you mean, if I were being pedantic I would agree you cannot be making love unless there is love involved, and that love can take sex to a whole new dimension.

Ok, we're talking semantics to a certain degree then - I'll settle for calling it 'just good sex' then, lol! I think the connection and depth of feeling is a sliding scale anyway, with everything from a friendship or fondness right through to full-blown mind-numbing love anyway.

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By *awty MaxWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"making love - starts with a cuddle

sex - starts with a blow job

Brilliant!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't agree with that, making love and relationships don't go hand in hand

I don't think they do there are lots in relationships that don't make love and also lots of people who aren't in one that will make love to another person too.

'You can only make love with someone you love, whether you're in a relationship with them or not. If you don't love them it's completely impossible to make love with them'

I don't agree with that at all and I don't get why you think making love is strictly only for people in love, least that's the impression I am getting. To me having sex lasts a few minutes, making love lasts hours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree to a point that you make love with someone you love, or at least have strong romantic feelings towards...but I also feel you can have 'just sex' too with someone you care for in this way, such as a quickie or a moment of lust.

As for 'just sex' I think the term doesn't really do justice to the variation of experiences you can have without love and intimacy. I may not make love with my partners, but there is still a connection and passion involved in it the vast majority of the time, so to say it's 'just sex' kind of devalues it, but not sure what other term you could use!

Some do confuse the two in their head on occasion though as there are some that associate sex and intimacy with love when you can have all three of those things completely separately from each other

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't agree with that at all and I don't get why you think making love is strictly only for people in love, least that's the impression I am getting. To me having sex lasts a few minutes, making love lasts hours

I think the inference is that swingers should be having 'just sex' with others and not 'making love'... and that they, therefore, should be able to tell the difference between the two... hence the OP. For me making love and just sex can both be rough or gentle, can both last hours or be quick. They can both be as gentle and intimate. Therefore swingers do not need to be able to tell the difference because there is no outward difference. The only difference, period, is that one involves someone who is in love whilst the other does not.

The crucial worry that swinging couples have is about their partner falling in love with someone else. Therefore they try not to 'make love' with others but, instead, have 'just sex'. I am saying that this is a fallacy. People don't fall in love with others through the act of sex, they fall in love by making friends with them. Therefore swingers don't need to worry about having gentle and connecting sex with others, it serves no threat. Instead they should worry about their partner forming a friendship with others whom they are having sex with, as it is this friendship which is a far greater threat than the act of sex, no matter how gentle or romantic that act of sex is. I hope I'm beginning to make some sense

Essentially.. I'm trying to deconstruct the whole premise of the OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Essentially.. I'm trying to deconstruct the whole premise of the OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Essentially.. I'm trying to deconstruct the whole premise of the OP

Yea but what we should be having and do have are two entirely different things

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I only do one....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree to a point that you make love with someone you love, or at least have strong romantic feelings towards...but I also feel you can have 'just sex' too with someone you care for in this way, such as a quickie or a moment of lust.

Some do confuse the two in their head on occasion though as there are some that associate sex and intimacy with love when you can have all three of those things completely separately from each other "

I agree... we just have to recalibrate ourselves so that we understand that 'just sex' is actually something wonderful and not 'just' anything

As for people getting confused. This is the point. If you don't love me and I don't love you then it cannot be love making. If everyone understood that it would make swinging so much less complicated imo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You make love to a person you love .... when you don't its sex .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To me, making love is just a phrase for gentle tender sex. When I'm with a lady, we fuck we screw, we shag and we make love, my friends will verify this.

For the time were together, be it hours, a night or a weekend we are lovers and can make love if we choose. It's all just sex.....now being in love.....well that's a whole different ball game

Well said

Tee xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You make love to a person you love .... when you don't its sex ."

Its not as simple as that some people make love to people they really like but love is not always there.

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By *inkxRabbitWoman
over a year ago

Mostly in GU24

"You make love to a person you love .... when you don't its sex ."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The addition of passion and real emotion have a lot to do with it I wouldn't say necessarily love has to be there but an emotional attachment does.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"but when it's just sex you don't give a fuck if they love you or not (but also hope they don't love you and you don't fall for them coz that complicates everything).

that has kinda happened our end as 1 guy we met fancied my missus

but were strong and she aint goin nowhere...............i hope

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many people think you can only make love to someone your in love with, what bollocks, I can make love to who I like, try me, you might just like it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So many people think you can only make love to someone your in love with, what bollocks, I can make love to who I like, try me, you might just like it

theres making love and theres fucking. why would you make love with someone your just gonna fuck?. you make love to your partner,not a randomer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me, there always needs to be some form of emotional connection during sex, even just a very mild one, hence why I refer to it as 'lovin' rather than simply sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So many people think you can only make love to someone your in love with, what bollocks, I can make love to who I like, try me, you might just like it

theres making love and theres fucking. why would you make love with someone your just gonna fuck?. you make love to your partner,not a randomer"

On the contrary, I wouldnt fuck someone I didn't want to make love to as well....each to their own eh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On here its sex ......with someone you love its making love "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On here its sex ......with someone you love its making love

exactly. its a swinging site,not a dating site. meet people for sex not to fall for and make love to. unless singletons meet and fall for each other lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh ye of little faith, as I say, whatever gets you through your life, My friends and I will continue living in our little bubble and enjoying it, thank god there are many like minded people on here.

If I want a detached emotionless shag, I'll hire a hooker, or have a wank, both of which are much less hassle.

Happy fabbing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not interested in 'making love'. I just like fucking. Fucking and more fucking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To me, making love is just a phrase for gentle tender sex. When I'm with a lady, we fuck we screw, we shag and we make love, my friends will verify this.

For the time were together, be it hours, a night or a weekend we are lovers and can make love if we choose. It's all just sex.....now being in love.....well that's a whole different ball game

Well said

Tee xx"

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By *odramafunCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire/staffordshire

Oh.... We can make love and have sex.....

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By *et a roomCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"I make love to the person I am in a relationship with (if i am in one at the time)....

I have sex with everyone else......

sex with friends is ultra cool....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you fart and nobody looks embarrassed, it's making love..."

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