FabSwingers.com forum: Deception

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have only just discovered these forums (im loving them) but have seen a lot of posts relating to single men on a couples profile, married men swinging without wives knowledge, guys who have several fuck buddies, all without their partners knowledge and its got me a little worried to be honest.

Im not the most perceptive person in the world and i basically believe stuff that im told. Is deception on here really that widespread.

As we are all like minded couples and sex is the name of the game, living out fantasy, having sex with different people, huge variety etc etc, why would couples be deceitful and lie to their partners and be going out having sex behind their partners back, if their partner is into the lifestyle too.

I can understand married men on here without their wives knowledge - is this better than them having an affair, if they're gonna do it anyway, is it better to do it without forming attachment to another woman.

I can understand, though dont agree, with single men using a couples profile, single men are ten-a-penny, you have to be really something to stand out I think.

What i cant understand is couples on here but the guy is either finding a fuck buddy and doing it behind his swinging partners back or starting up a single guys profile - I cant understand that.

It could happen to any one of us couldnt it. Id be mortified if I found out mine was doing it, and Id be equally mortified if we had a meet with a single guy and his partner contacted us saying she didnt know etc. Id feel so terrible.

If you met a guy or woman from fab and later on found out they were deceitful, ie; they were part of a couple but were swinging separately, they had several different fuck buddies etc, they were using a couples profile and were single, would you either let the other partner know, would you report it on here, etc - has it happened to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are plenty of site out there aimed at married people wanting to have extra fun. They should make use of those sites. They then know for certain they will not get rejected for being married.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You do really have to be careful on any internet site of this nature. Over time people have there own wee things that they look for to out the time wasters, fakes and those that try and deceive.

However, if people want to cheat on their partner (assuming said partner isn't on here too) then so be it, its their choice to do so and non of our business.

If however we were friendly with a couple and found out that one was cheating then I think we would take action of some sort, discretely.

TBH, I (steve) can be quite nieve and like to see the best in people, it is Jo that kinda levels me out and points out things I ain't seen.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

When we first started in the this hobby we were totally naïve, we hadn’t thought about the fact that people will lie to get what they want, we hadn’t thought about guys and women cheating on their partner and the thing known as a time-waster was beyond our comprehension.

I read on another site that it typically takes a couple of years in the hobby to learn the ropes and we’re inclined to agree with that. It’s a learning process that you can only really get with experience.

One thing I do not agree with and that’s the hypothesis that single guys are ten a penny because it just isn’t true. Rubbish, cheaters, deceivers and the so-called time-wasters are ten a penny but GENUINE single gentlemen are few and far between. To stand out from the rest all they have to do is be themselves and be honest and of course meet criteria. As I’ve said in the these forums before, and this applies not just to single guys/fems but to everyone… you need for all parties to:

Match sexual interests

Geography as in not to far away and at the same time not too close.

Availability, having the same play time available.

Personality compatibility.

And then you all need to fancy one another.

Fact is, its not as simple as it might seem at first, reality is, it’s a tall order. Only one other thing to do, and I dare say all experienced swingers would tell you the same… if you spot a ‘glitch’, if something doesn’t sound of feel right then walk away, better safe than sorry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

However, if people want to cheat on their partner (assuming said partner isn't on here too) then so be it, its their choice to do so and non of our business.

If however we were friendly with a couple and found out that one was cheating then I think we would take action of some sort, discretely.

I wonder what sort of action you could take - other than blocking said person and not meeting them again. And really, is it your place to take any further action than that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

However, if people want to cheat on their partner (assuming said partner isn't on here too) then so be it, its their choice to do so and non of our business.

If however we were friendly with a couple and found out that one was cheating then I think we would take action of some sort, discretely.

I wonder what sort of action you could take - other than blocking said person and not meeting them again. And really, is it your place to take any further action than that?"

I dont think there really is another action to take, if its a married guy, without knowing where they live, one cannot go round their house and spill the beans to the wife. If its a couple from here, there lies the quandry of shall i or shant i tell his partner? What if she is equally playing behind his back too

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

Perhpas we need the Jewish law over here.... If someone lies to you to get sex, they are guilty of rape!

Although I don't really totally agree with that, I can certainly see why a woman would feel cheated if she found out that a guy who she agreed to meet lied to her!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think I was just naive about it all. I didnt realise that couples profiles might actually be a single guy.

with married men, well you can do nothing about it can you, they are the ones guilty of lying and not us. I just read that someone had a couples profile on here and then had a single guy profile too, and i just couldnt understand why they would do that, unless their partner wasnt doing enough raunchy stuff or whether they just wanted to be free to have sex with as many single women as possible.

I think if i knew that a guy on here had a couples profile and also a single guy profile, then id report them.

Just the concept shocks me, imagine meeting a couple and playing and having a good time, then going to a social a month later and seeing the guy with another single woman - id feel terrible and if the tables were turned, id like members to tell me.

I agree that there probably isnt that many genuine single guys compared to the cheats and losers. Ive been lucky up to now, i had one couple who were a bit pushy but its easily sorted isnt it, but to be fooled then thats a different matter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

deception is everywhere in life, it's just here, it's a tad more openly discussed.

i must say though, there's a few guys i've talked to and it says single on their profile, but i've been a bit dubious and asked outright, good on them, they've admitted it to me. (well, good they admit it at least)

you do soon get to know the signs, but i will always say, if you have any uneasy feeling about anyone, dont go through with it, it doesnt matter if you're feelings are unfounded or not, what matters is that you are 100% comfortable with your decision

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

This is where you start to realise that the so-called time waster doesn’t exist, everyone on this site is here to get what THEY want. Sometimes things are in balance, that is like-minded meets like-minded and provide each other with mutual pleasures.

However there are plenty of people who are out for what they want with no concern for offering anything back in return.

I’m no expert in psychology but a lot of this is a psychological game, in simplistic terms it can work like this… if you receive an email that makes you angry then chances are that was the intent of the person that sent it. Its reasonable to assume that they get a sense of power from doing this and so if you respond in a way that confirms your anger/upset then you are satisfying their desire/goal. Delete, block, ignore… DON’T feed their desire… they will never meet you.

Picture collectors, there is millions and millions of pornographic pictures on the Internet so why try and con you out of your naughty pictures? Well that’s the point isn’t, they want to CON you into giving them your naughty pictures, that’s the satisfaction factor for them… they will never meet you.

Email-wankers… they will pose as a swinger but their only intent is to dupe you into telling them all about your sex life… they will never meet you.

The Chasers… just want to talk you into meeting them but… they will never meet you.

Single male/female with the wife or husband tucked up at home… maybe they are playing away to get something they can’t get at home. Then there are the braggers, the ones who think it’s big and clever to show off about all the acts of betrayal they have committed.

Like I said I’m not an expert on psychology so I cannot explain all the pleasure/satisfaction that the deceivers get from their deceit, just accept that they do and if you ‘suspect’ you’ve got one then drop it and move on.

Its not all bad, quite the opposite in fact, there are lots of fantastic singles and couples out there waiting to be found and you’ll know its right when you find them, trust your instincts.

And as Dances Alone says, deceit is not unique to swinging, it exists in every walk of life. Its just that in this hobby you have swinger community forums to talk about it.

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By *aughtyinguMan
over a year ago

swindon

bit off topic, but should i put on my profile that im properly single?

And yes i am, no wife or gf or anything like that :x

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"bit off topic, but should i put on my profile that im properly single?

And yes i am, no wife or gf or anything like that :x"

You can do but that is up to you... The onus should be on those people not honestly "single" to say so, not the other way round! The problem is that because there are people that will say whatever they need to say to get there leg over, they will let people presume they are "single" till proven otherwise

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

"bit off topic, but should i put on my profile that im properly single?

And yes i am, no wife or gf or anything like that :x"

Totally agree with Fabio but if I might offer you a tip:

Single person – cannot accommodate does tend to be associated with cheating husbands. So if you intend to modify you’re profile to underline your true single status you might want to mention why you cannot accommodate, it might improve your it rate

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ah yes good point, you have to be a bit of a detective in all this dont you

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By *ovely CummingsWoman
over a year ago

Peaky Nipples

I think that part of the problem lies in the fact that 'swinging' is such a broad term now that there are lots of different reasons why people join sites like here.

For instance, i'm a married woman that has played on & off over quite a few years with my husband as a couple. Along the way our realtionship has evolved and changed and now, I play as a single as well as a couple.

Part of our personal agreement is that with certain people I meet, he (hubby) won't know anything about them until a time comes when I decide to tell him.

Now - i'm honest about this with those I meet with in this way but, I fully understand that some will just see me as being decitful (which I am, sort of) but it's a pr-arranged deceit.

I find those that are more honest about what their reasons for being a member here are, will get the results they are actually after.

But too many, IMHO, don't have the condfidence to be that honest and state their true intentions.

The so called 'time waster' for instance - well, they are only wasting peoples time when they've not been honest with them about what it is they want.

If folks that are here because they only enjoy the chase, enjoy the flirting etc but have no intention of meeting - well be honest about that because then you will find other like minded folks that will give you what you want

i'm starting to ramble so time to stop typing lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Single person – cannot accommodate does tend to be associated with cheating husbands. So if you intend to modify you’re profile to underline your true single status you might want to mention why you cannot accommodate, it might improve your it rate

I'm a single bloke who can't accomm so I took your advice and added why I can't accommodate. Thanks for the info.

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