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Funniest profile?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I must be in a fey mood - can't stop laughing at some of these profiles...can we vote on the funniest - I want to be in the top ten

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

[Removed by poster at 12/11/14 00:27:32]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I must be in a fey mood - can't stop laughing at some of these profiles...can we vote on the funniest - I want to be in the top ten "

Some are fucking hilarious but in a sad way so wont name them

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Ah, but there is funny and there is funny.

There are the funny because they are optimistic:

No pics, single guy, blurb - 'here to shag'. That brings a smile, as I think, 'fine, but probably not many are here to shag you.'

The single 'female' with pics of well known media personalities or porn stars. They make me titter as they can't be real if they think no one would recognise Carol Vorderman.

The 18 year old nympho who is into everything and wants to shag the world, with status updates everyday about how horny they are and no verifications after 6 months.

The negative profiles, with no: gay/bi/trans/les/black/Asian/European/Cockney/Scouse/Geordie/Smokers/social smokers/once stood next to someone having one/over30/under25/ETC who will probably only meet 1 couple and then spend all night bitching about no one being genuine.

The profiles with badly photoshopped 18" cocks are funny.

The people with a straight profile and a bi profile, but with the same face pics on.

The chap with a composite profile made up of cock pics of several different people, not all of the same colour.

I think we could all name some that are funny, but not in the way intended

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think we could all name some that are funny, but not in the way intended "

I think there are two types (maybe more) of funny 1) because they are pathetic - okay, leave them alone to their sad lives, and 2) funny because they are just hilarious...I'm not sure how to tell the difference sometimes as more and more are just making me giggle rather than want to message someone.

I mean, what's the point in trying to talk to a woman that is so far up her own arse all you can see are her ankles?

She can't hear you!

And the number of massive cocks and heavy repeat cummers on here would make Pulse & Cocktails blush!

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Never ever give up trying. You may have just what they are looking for, unless they have explicitly ruled you out through their preferences.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Never ever give up trying. You may have just what they are looking for, unless they have explicitly ruled you out through their preferences. "

I should have said this post is not a rant or a complaint - I'm just giggling away like a bastard as I browse around these profiles.

People can't spell, can't read, can't set preferences and bitch when they get get mail from unwanted people (HEY! Stop 99 year olds from messaging you, you fake! It's not rocket science.)

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

You can nominate yourself - and I'm not - but agree with the points listed above.

Tragicomedy abounds.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tried to inject a little of my sense of humour into mine when I wrote it.

Really hope it comes across that way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

very good, particularly liked your spoonerisms. I wonder though if you turned up at your 18 plus FF couples house and they said you've got 2 minutes while there pot noddle stews if you'd turn them away in disgust.

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By *moke itMan
over a year ago

Bristol

Mines work in progress x

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By *issy louWoman
over a year ago

Staffordshire Moorlands

I tried to add a bit of personality, a bit of humour, a bit of sarcasm.....

Sometimes wonder why I made the effort tho when I still get 'wot u up 2' type messages on a regular basis! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ah, but there is funny and there is funny.

There are the funny because they are optimistic:

No pics, single guy, blurb - 'here to shag'. That brings a smile, as I think, 'fine, but probably not many are here to shag you.'

The single 'female' with pics of well known media personalities or porn stars. They make me titter as they can't be real if they think no one would recognise Carol Vorderman.

The 18 year old nympho who is into everything and wants to shag the world, with status updates everyday about how horny they are and no verifications after 6 months.

The negative profiles, with no: gay/bi/trans/les/black/Asian/European/Cockney/Scouse/Geordie/Smokers/social smokers/once stood next to someone having one/over30/under25/ETC who will probably only meet 1 couple and then spend all night bitching about no one being genuine.

The profiles with badly photoshopped 18" cocks are funny.

The people with a straight profile and a bi profile, but with the same face pics on.

The chap with a composite profile made up of cock pics of several different people, not all of the same colour.

I think we could all name some that are funny, but not in the way intended "

Sarah x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I tried to add a bit of personality, a bit of humour, a bit of sarcasm.....

Sometimes wonder why I made the effort tho when I still get 'wot u up 2' type messages on a regular basis! Lol "

Exactly so we made ours more curt now!! The name shows we have a sense of humour

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

Some people get mine and and the humour and think it hilarious and others read it straight and think I'm arrogant. I've amended some to be more direct but the faqs are still a classic IMHO. I'm just a piss taking northerner, tek me as ya find me lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm always tweaking my profile and not because I want to either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We added a funny/sarcastic bit at the end of ours to counteract the shouty bit that we have at the start

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know i'm funny! The sight of me disrobed sends many a meet into bouts of hysterical laughter!!

Your profile should (and usually does - though some would wish it didn't!) reflect the type of person you are - so people can decide whether to message you based on your pics and text!

That said - i've met a guy with a string of gags on his profile who had a face like a smacked arse when we met up!! Ho hum xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I hate pot noddles, so I would!

But I love pot noodles -

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'll come over and check out if your turning into a bloke if you want ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I must be in a fey mood - can't stop laughing at some of these profiles...can we vote on the funniest - I want to be in the top ten "

Tina's is a very witty one so gets my vote!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tried to make mine a bit nicer whilst still trying to say what type of person I'm looking for.

What your thoughts on it...?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I tried to make mine a bit nicer whilst still trying to say what type of person I'm looking for.

What your thoughts on it...?"

You like rimming? That was the main theme I got lol, errrrr been honest it's not high on the humour list but it's very informative on what you want and you have good photos

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By *enandlisaCouple
over a year ago

Burnley'ish

We have tried to inject a little humour into our profile......alas it's lost on most.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I tried to make mine a bit nicer whilst still trying to say what type of person I'm looking for.

What your thoughts on it...?

You like rimming? That was the main theme I got lol, errrrr been honest it's not high on the humour list but it's very informative on what you want and you have good photos "

I love rimming, providing the hoop is fresh and free from ass pubes. Right give me a second then read it again ok?

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts


"

That said - i've met a guy with a string of gags on his profile who had a face like a smacked arse when we met up!! Ho hum xxx"

My profile is a bit of a parody and is fairly entertaining and I like to think it reflects how I am in person

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford


"Some people get mine and and the humour and think it hilarious and others read it straight and think I'm arrogant. I've amended some to be more direct but the faqs are still a classic IMHO. I'm just a piss taking northerner, tek me as ya find me lol "

TL:DR.

Fancy a shag?

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford


"I tried to make mine a bit nicer whilst still trying to say what type of person I'm looking for.

What your thoughts on it...?

You like rimming? That was the main theme I got lol, errrrr been honest it's not high on the humour list but it's very informative on what you want and you have good photos

I love rimming, providing the hoop is fresh and free from ass pubes. Right give me a second then read it again ok?"

My main problems with your profile are:

a) I moved from Swansea in 2008

b) I don't have an 8" cock.

That is all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

That said - i've met a guy with a string of gags on his profile who had a face like a smacked arse when we met up!! Ho hum xxx

My profile is a bit of a parody and is fairly entertaining and I like to think it reflects how I am in person "

It does - and that's why we all like you so much! Xx

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By *he Master JMan
over a year ago

Southall


"I tried to make mine a bit nicer whilst still trying to say what type of person I'm looking for.

What your thoughts on it...?

You like rimming? That was the main theme I got lol, errrrr been honest it's not high on the humour list but it's very informative on what you want and you have good photos

I love rimming, providing the hoop is fresh and free from ass pubes. Right give me a second then read it again ok?"

Oh yes I love it too

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I tried to make mine a bit nicer whilst still trying to say what type of person I'm looking for.

What your thoughts on it...?"

I haven't got past the photo's yet -

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly


"Some people get mine and and the humour and think it hilarious and others read it straight and think I'm arrogant. I've amended some to be more direct but the faqs are still a classic IMHO. I'm just a piss taking northerner, tek me as ya find me lol

TL:DR.

Fancy a shag?

"

Send me a cock pic and I'll tell ya

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By *octor DeleriumMan
over a year ago

Wellingborough


"very good, particularly liked your spoonerisms. I wonder though if you turned up at your 18 plus FF couples house and they said you've got 2 minutes while there pot noddle stews if you'd turn them away in disgust. "

Bugger; I need to highlight my aversion to Pot Noodles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I tried to make mine a bit nicer whilst still trying to say what type of person I'm looking for.

What your thoughts on it...?

You like rimming? That was the main theme I got lol, errrrr been honest it's not high on the humour list but it's very informative on what you want and you have good photos

I love rimming, providing the hoop is fresh and free from ass pubes. Right give me a second then read it again ok?

My main problems with your profile are:

a) I moved from Swansea in 2008

b) I don't have an 8" cock.

That is all. "

I haven't seen TL:DR since I was on a certain fitness forum, also writing "that is all"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

By your own criteria yours would be in the top ten of type 1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I tried to make mine a bit nicer whilst still trying to say what type of person I'm looking for.

What your thoughts on it...?

You like rimming? That was the main theme I got lol, errrrr been honest it's not high on the humour list but it's very informative on what you want and you have good photos

I love rimming, providing the hoop is fresh and free from ass pubes. Right give me a second then read it again ok?

My main problems with your profile are:

a) I moved from Swansea in 2008

b) I don't have an 8" cock.

That is all.

I haven't seen TL:DR since I was on a certain fitness forum, also writing "that is all" "

A man with a spade in his head? Doug

Wasn't knocking your profile as it's very informative, just the thread is about humour and you'd not gone down that route that's all! With photos like yours I'm sure guys will be fine there's no humour, 99% are lead by their cock anyway lol

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By *WcplCouple
over a year ago

Tameside

I just dont get the cock photos with an aerosole can or other inanimate object at the side. They make me laugh sooo much and the latest kne I was unfortunate enough to glimpse was a cock at the sude of a 2litre carton of milk ...... Why !

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"By your own criteria yours would be in the top ten of type 1 "

There's always one, isn't there?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I just dont get the cock photos with an aerosole can or other inanimate object at the side. They make me laugh sooo much and the latest kne I was unfortunate enough to glimpse was a cock at the sude of a 2litre carton of milk ...... Why !"

Maybe it wasn't milk???

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

I have read some hilarious profiles during my time on here. Sadly most of them have moved onto pastures new.

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By *OBA FETT IS ALIVEMan
over a year ago

Romford

Bizzare as it may sound on this site I try to review films in mine!

My username is pretty odd too

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts


"Bizzare as it may sound on this site I try to review films in mine!

My username is pretty odd too "

You may wish to consider changing it to 'spoiler alert' as I now have no need to watch the new Gozilla film, even if I had before.

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By *OBA FETT IS ALIVEMan
over a year ago

Romford


"

You may wish to consider changing it to 'spoiler alert' as I now have no need to watch the new Gozilla film, even if I had before. "

Ok, adjusted my profile. Thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just dont get the cock photos with an aerosole can or other inanimate object at the side. They make me laugh sooo much and the latest kne I was unfortunate enough to glimpse was a cock at the sude of a 2litre carton of milk ...... Why !"

For about 5 years on many many sites where I've acquired guys numbers I've always asked for a picture of the guys willy on the flop and with wind in the sail and next to a sky remote. It's just so you can gauge the size accurately. A guy might have very muscular thighs and that may make his will look smaller, when it's as big as or longer than the sky remote you know it will be big.

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By *ngel n tedCouple
over a year ago

maidstone

I was gonna put buttons on mine, so could actually use it as a sky remote

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I was gonna put buttons on mine, so could actually use it as a sky remote"

I'm still working on filling that milk jug up - knackered!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine is too bloody long again, but it wouldnt be if I wasnt asked daft questions

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford


"Some people get mine and and the humour and think it hilarious and others read it straight and think I'm arrogant. I've amended some to be more direct but the faqs are still a classic IMHO. I'm just a piss taking northerner, tek me as ya find me lol

TL:DR.

Fancy a shag?

Send me a cock pic and I'll tell ya "

Shan't

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford


"I tried to make mine a bit nicer whilst still trying to say what type of person I'm looking for.

What your thoughts on it...?

You like rimming? That was the main theme I got lol, errrrr been honest it's not high on the humour list but it's very informative on what you want and you have good photos

I love rimming, providing the hoop is fresh and free from ass pubes. Right give me a second then read it again ok?

My main problems with your profile are:

a) I moved from Swansea in 2008

b) I don't have an 8" cock.

That is all.

I haven't seen TL:DR since I was on a certain fitness forum, also writing "that is all" "

I may also be on certain fitness forums....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I tried to make mine a bit nicer whilst still trying to say what type of person I'm looking for.

What your thoughts on it...?

You like rimming? That was the main theme I got lol, errrrr been honest it's not high on the humour list but it's very informative on what you want and you have good photos

I love rimming, providing the hoop is fresh and free from ass pubes. Right give me a second then read it again ok?

My main problems with your profile are:

a) I moved from Swansea in 2008

b) I don't have an 8" cock.

That is all.

I haven't seen TL:DR since I was on a certain fitness forum, also writing "that is all"

I may also be on certain fitness forums...."

TL:DR is pretty standard forum parlance isn't it? I've never graced a fitness forum in my life (obviously) but I've used it plenty in my time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I tried to make mine a bit nicer whilst still trying to say what type of person I'm looking for.

What your thoughts on it...?

You like rimming? That was the main theme I got lol, errrrr been honest it's not high on the humour list but it's very informative on what you want and you have good photos

I love rimming, providing the hoop is fresh and free from ass pubes. Right give me a second then read it again ok?

My main problems with your profile are:

a) I moved from Swansea in 2008

b) I don't have an 8" cock.

That is all.

I haven't seen TL:DR since I was on a certain fitness forum, also writing "that is all"

I may also be on certain fitness forums....

TL:DR is pretty standard forum parlance isn't it? I've never graced a fitness forum in my life (obviously) but I've used it plenty in my time. "

Erm - TL:DR?? Explain please?? Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I tried to make mine a bit nicer whilst still trying to say what type of person I'm looking for.

What your thoughts on it...?

You like rimming? That was the main theme I got lol, errrrr been honest it's not high on the humour list but it's very informative on what you want and you have good photos

I love rimming, providing the hoop is fresh and free from ass pubes. Right give me a second then read it again ok?

My main problems with your profile are:

a) I moved from Swansea in 2008

b) I don't have an 8" cock.

That is all.

I haven't seen TL:DR since I was on a certain fitness forum, also writing "that is all"

I may also be on certain fitness forums....

TL:DR is pretty standard forum parlance isn't it? I've never graced a fitness forum in my life (obviously) but I've used it plenty in my time.

Erm - TL:DR?? Explain please?? Xx"

Too long: didn't read

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Too long: didn't read "

This is not a comment on the poster - I didn't know what it meant either.

Is it just me or is that a sad comment on modern society?

I mean, you all want a "connection" but can't be arsed to read a profile FFS !

I'm beginning to prefer the honesty of the women that stipulate a massive cock. Shame I'll never meet them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we read some and think they must be having a joke here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't do funny

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts


"Don't do funny"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't do funny

"

Really? As we're not here to have sex for love - then surely sex for fun/friendship is the next best thing? If you can't find fun/amusement/laughter on a site full of kinky, messed up fuckers like us - where CAN you find it?? xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I must be in a fey mood - can't stop laughing at some of these profiles...can we vote on the funniest - I want to be in the top ten "

Have you actually read your profile?

I think you will find you are already in the top 10 ....for all the wrong reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We went for friendly rather than funny or aggressive profile. if we come across a profile that is aggressive or is just a rant, we just pass them by. But funny is always good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One recently that got a genuine burst out laughing response from me was where a rather butch looking TV insisted on his profile that he was "only interested in meeting with straight guys"!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Have you actually read your profile?

I think you will find you are already in the top 10 ....for all the wrong reasons.

"

No I haven't read it - seriously?

I did write it though, so I suppose I must have read it - duh!

Or is that an oxymoron?

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