FabSwingers.com forum: Cheating

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i know this subject has been discussed in forum threads and i'm trying to see the ups and downs.

being honest I'm in a situation where i love my partner but i don't get allot of sexual activity as " he's not in the mood" or " he's tired" as much as people say talk etc i'm sick of talking as it don't get me know where and he just laughs and thinks that sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship

I'm a sexual woman with needs as well as his ( hobbies) which he thinks are more important than our relationship

he knows i'm on here actively looking for fun and he also knows I'm planning on going to chams soon with or without him

so im not hiding nothing he just chooses to ignore it

does that mean im cheating ?

sounds strange i know that the man doesn't want to know and i'm not ugly, mention relate and i will laugh as he thinks "we haven't got a issue"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, I would normally say that if a partner knows then it isn't cheating. Not so sure if a partner knows and doesn't condone?

To me though, I think based on the tone of your post you possibly need to be looking very hard at your relationship and the impact you swinging will have on it.

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By *ollie_JCouple
over a year ago

London

Sorry for me -it's a no/no

Within a relationship there are no secrets.. me and mrs new talk about everything - absolutely everything - worries, meets, who we fancy etc...

Actually we talked about swinging before we became a couple as between us the side effects of swinging had sort of killed pervious relationships (ie the bi thing or the newness or the pervy now and again thing)..

I am sorry to have to say - from what I read.. perhaps rather than cheating it may be better to move on...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i dont think it will have an impact to be honest with you, as all he thinks about are his hobbies his tv shows he watches and his things he likes. he probably wouldn't notice if i went out and came back with a stupid smile on my face

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry for me -it's a no/no

Within a relationship there are no secrets.. me and mrs new talk about everything - absolutely everything - worries, meets, who we fancy etc...

I am sorry to have to say - from what I read.. perhaps rather than cheating it may be better to move on..."

he hasn't the problem that i'm bisexual i just don't put it on my profile as i have dabbled for a while and he does know as i have told him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hi sheila and i have a totally open marriage sometimes if sheila goes to a club with another guy she doesnt tell me everything buy i am not worrried about it as long as she enjoys herself also as i am bi i somertimes tell her im going to a gay club she doesnt ask me everything i did there just asks me if i had a nice time we dont cheat on each other dont feel that way just have fun love mark and sheila

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By *ollie_JCouple
over a year ago

London

We have just read your profile - and the first couple of lines is what mr new and I have together

When we are swinging (as I guess most other couples do) we look at each other we a knowing smile... and total trust (ie we don;t care some bloke has his cock in you or some woman has mr news willy down her throat - we are in control of our emotions, getting seriously turned on by the proceedings and we are enjoying it together (and we are the ones cuddling up together at the end of a night - naturally after a good bath! lol)

Perhaps that is what you are after as well?

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

Well techincally you are cheating. However that is up to your own conscience. I woud talk to your partner/husband again explain you know sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship but you are a woman who has needs and enjoy sex. Try and work out with him why your sex life is not as you would like it to be. Personally I am against cheating but if you do your best to work with your partner/husband to resolve this and he won't then if you look for sex elsewhere then he only has himself to blame. He cannot say you did not try to fix things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm married and playing without the other half's knowledge so I guess by any objective measure I'm cheating.

I have my reasons. I can live with myself for doing what I'm doing. If others want to judge me let them go ahead.

It's certainly not as clear-cut in your case. If you go ahead with it, does it matter whether others label you as a 'cheat' or not.

If being pigeon-holed by others does matter to you then maybe you should think twice. Can you anticipate how you would feel if you were 'found out'?

As one poster above suggests maybe this is a good time to re-evaluate your relationship. My personal experience is that there are a million reasons why you might not want to walk out on your other half. It's a lot more than just being easier and more convenient to stay.

Personally I don't care what others would think. They don't know me or my circumstances.

Best of luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have told him. He knows about it. He isn't doing anything about it so no its not cheating. I would be seriously be considering whether or not to bother carrying on your relationship though as from the tone of your messages he is totally uninterested in you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Verdict - NOT CHEATING

Swinging is like minded people doing what they enjoy with each others and thier partners consent.

The partner doesn't have to be present providing they know what is going on.

Repurcussions from a partner not happy with the situation are your own business.

Personally I would just put something in my profile to say "playing alone with partners knowledge"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you ever heard of cuckholding.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm married and playing without the other half's knowledge so I guess by any objective measure I'm cheating.

I have my reasons. I can live with myself for doing what I'm doing. If others want to judge me let them go ahead.

It's certainly not as clear-cut in your case. If you go ahead with it, does it matter whether others label you as a 'cheat' or not.

If being pigeon-holed by others does matter to you then maybe you should think twice. Can you anticipate how you would feel if you were 'found out'?

Personally I don't care what others would think. They don't know me or my circumstances.

Best of luck x"

Life is about doing what you feel comfortable with and not what others think.

If your honest with those you meet about your partner not being aware of what you do then they can also do what they feel comfortable.

I do have one question though not just for you but for all the men and women in your situation:

Why do you choose to use swingers sites or venues when there are loads of "married and cheating" sites on the net

They cater exclusively to people in your situation (many ban swingers from joining) and they are totally sympathetic to your situation, don't ask why you choose to cheat and above all are much more discreet about it all as they are in the same situation.

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

"Have you ever heard of cuckholding."

Lol now I think about it maybe that is what her partner/husband is looking for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My thoughts exactly he can come to the club and hold her handbag and you never know he may get a kick out of watching. I know a few couples and the girl can play with whoever they like but if the guy so much as looks at another he gets a right good ear bashing. And if you're bi try chams on a monday great fun.

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

"Verdict - NOT CHEATING

Swinging is like minded people doing what they enjoy with each others and thier partners consent.

The partner doesn't have to be present providing they know what is going on.

Repurcussions from a partner not happy with the situation are your own business.

Personally I would just put something in my profile to say "playing alone with partners knowledge""

+1... this post sums up perfectly how I see your situation.

Cheating implies some form of deception and lying, which isn't happening in your case from what you've said. Simply because your doesn't want to participate doesn't mean that he's being 'cheated upon'.

As long as you're happy doing what you're doing then you shouldn't care what labels anyone else may throw in your direction.

Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

"Have you ever heard of cuckholding."

I didn't read it as though he was interested in cuckolding... Cuckolding has some (non-sexual) participation from the male, whereas it seemed more that he was simply not interested or didn't take it seriously.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i know this subject has been discussed in forum threads and i'm trying to see the ups and downs.

I'm a sexual woman with needs as well as his ( hobbies) which he thinks are more important than our relationship

he knows i'm on here actively looking for fun and he also knows I'm planning on going to chams soon with or without him

so im not hiding nothing he just chooses to ignore it

does that mean im cheating ?

sounds strange i know that the man doesn't want to know and i'm not ugly, mention relate and i will laugh as he thinks "we haven't got a issue" "

I wouldnt say your cheating, if he knows but chooses to ignor it then thats not cheating, however i do think it will break your relatioship in the end so to be honest with you, if your minds made up this is what you want to do you may as well just leave him now and make a clean break for both of you, because in my opinion one of two things will happen, hes going to ask you not to do this and your going to tell him your doing it anyway, there for i think it will break you or he'll ask you to stop and you'll say ok and do it behind his back, at the end of the day if hes not a sexual person and you are its not going to last anyway without someone getting hurt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You have told him. He knows about it. He isn't doing anything about it so no its not cheating. I would be seriously be considering whether or not to bother carrying on your relationship though as from the tone of your messages he is totally uninterested in you."

Pretty much sums up my view.

I know sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship but I couldn't stay with someone who was indifferent to me: how soul destroying!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm married and playing without the other half's knowledge so I guess by any objective measure I'm cheating.

I have my reasons. I can live with myself for doing what I'm doing. If others want to judge me let them go ahead.

It's certainly not as clear-cut in your case. If you go ahead with it, does it matter whether others label you as a 'cheat' or not.

If being pigeon-holed by others does matter to you then maybe you should think twice. Can you anticipate how you would feel if you were 'found out'?

Personally I don't care what others would think. They don't know me or my circumstances.

Best of luck x

Life is about doing what you feel comfortable with and not what others think.

If your honest with those you meet about your partner not being aware of what you do then they can also do what they feel comfortable.

I do have one question though not just for you but for all the men and women in your situation:

Why do you choose to use swingers sites or venues when there are loads of "married and cheating" sites on the net

The "why" is easy to explain I think.

If both parties are cheating, arranging meets could prove problematic: getting away at short notice, explaining absence, accommodation etc.

On sites like this with "meet today", singles who can accommodate they assume they're more likely to get their end away!

Just my guess!

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

The question should really be...

Is he happy that you have found an outlet for your sexual frustration or is he just not bothered as long as you leave his cock alone and let him get on with his hobbies and watching the telly?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

he just is not interested in the sex

other sites wont offer what i want ie sex with no strings as that's what i want no emotions like falling for someone or dating someone. just some fun with like-minded people that's why this site is right for me

his hobbies and stuff come 1st im just measly in 2nd place.

if it happens that the relationship fails then so be it as i have tried and tried

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The question should really be...

Is he happy that you have found an outlet for your sexual frustration or is he just not bothered as long as you leave his cock alone and let him get on with his hobbies and watching the telly?"

i think he just isn't bothered by any of it no more

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We have just read your profile - and the first couple of lines is what mr new and I have together

Perhaps that is what you are after as well?

not at all as he isnt interested in it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well personally if he knows then it ain't cheating cause he has the opportunity to do or say something about it (aint really saying its ideal either)

However i would get ta the bottom of why he is disinterested in sex though??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/07/10 09:56:17]

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"he just is not interested in the sex

his hobbies and stuff come 1st im just measly in 2nd place.

if it happens that the relationship fails then so be it as i have tried and tried

As you have discussed it with him and he is saying go for it, it can't be cheating, as he knows all about it and there is no deceit.

I think there are a lot of relationships about that have the same problem, and weigh up the pro's and con's of their relationship......lots come to the conclusion that to have most of what you want at home is enough to stay with that person.

If everything else is ok within your relationship and you go out and get what fun you need sexually with his knowledge it may well enhance your relationship in other areas, it could also kick start your OH into taking more notice of you sexually......or sadly it could break yu altogether.

Good luck whatever happens.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"he just is not interested in the sex

his hobbies and stuff come 1st im just measly in 2nd place.

if it happens that the relationship fails then so be it as i have tried and tried

As you have discussed it with him and he is saying go for it, it can't be cheating, as he knows all about it and there is no deceit.

Good luck whatever happens."

he hasn't said go for it he is choosing to ignore it and not talk about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Has he always been this way or is it a recent matter could be depression. Have you tried councelling. And just be careful its surprising although things start out as no strings it is easy to get attatched when someone one is showing you a bit of attention.

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By *rummiePartyManMan
over a year ago

birmingham

I think I agree with Naughtynympho on this one. You'll be fine for as long as his head is buried in the sand, but one day he'll surface again and then the problems may begin.

Yes, for now, most people are in agreement that what you propose isn't cheating, and I'd even go along with that, but our opinions won't matter if your hubby's opinion is different once he resurfaces.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

hes not my husband he is my partner who i live with, this is one reason why i wont get married

councillor been there and asked him and hes not interested he just thinks its normal not to want sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it worth being unhappy in a relationship as you do sound totally fed up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is it worth being unhappy in a relationship as you do sound totally fed up."

I agree with you,whats the point in staying in an unhappy and sexless relationship?

Your partner sounds like my ex husband... And thats a big part of the reason we split up xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe he's cheating on you and you don't know it ?

Could explain his lack of interest in you

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"he just is not interested in the sex

his hobbies and stuff come 1st im just measly in 2nd place.

if it happens that the relationship fails then so be it as i have tried and tried

As you have discussed it with him and he is saying go for it, it can't be cheating, as he knows all about it and there is no deceit.

Good luck whatever happens.

he hasn't said go for it he is choosing to ignore it and not talk about it"

I took him being informed of what you are doing and not objecting to it as a green light, but I suppose you could say he is probably thinking you are just throwing hot air around and won't go through with it.

I would say if he isn't agreeing with it then you will be cheating.

To be honest though, after reading all your comments again, I would ask myself what the hell am I doing in this relationship when I sound so unhappy and we obviously don't want the same things out of life. Reading between the lines, it isn't just sex that is a problem. A big asset in a relationship is communication, you both don't seem to have that.

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By *ummy mummyWoman
over a year ago

southampton-ish

I agree... just because he knows doesn't mean it isn't cheating...and why stay in a relationship if you clearly are not happy with things.you said yourself that he thinks his hobbies are more important than the relationship...why would you stay with someone who puts you last?I just don't get that...he could just be thinking that you are bluffing and once you do it may be devastated

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"The question should really be...

Is he happy that you have found an outlet for your sexual frustration or is he just not bothered as long as you leave his cock alone and let him get on with his hobbies and watching the telly?

i think he just isn't bothered by any of it no more "

Well you said it in another reply... you come 2nd to the things which are important to him.

My conclusion... you're a sucker, kidding yourself that you just want the sex gap filling.

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

"he hasn't said go for it he is choosing to ignore it and not talk about it"

I think I misunderstood the situation when I first read this thread as I interpreted it as though he wasn't interested in participating but had no objections to you being involved in the scene.

Reading the comment above, however, does change things. I still don't think it's the same thing as cheating, but there is a certain element of doing something which he's not happy about. It's immature of him to ignore things in the hope they'll go away, but it doesn't detract from the fact that he's not happy with you doing it otherwise he'd not be doing an ostrich impression.

I think that it's not morally 'right' to do something that you know he's against and will most likely cause him some pain eventually... however, by the same token, it's not right for him to ignore your desires and wishes either.

I'm not gonna suggest Relate, but I do think it is a shame that he's not prepared to openly talk to you about it.

I learnt the hard way that not being honest and open with your partner is the wrong way to deal with things... luckily I realised that before it was too late - but only just.

I really do wish you the best of luck, and hope that things turn out for the best (whatever that may be).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are we discussing someones relationship, surely that is between themselves, I thought the question was simply :

Am I cheating or am I swinging

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"I thought the question was simply :

Am I cheating or am I swinging"

It appears not be a black/white situation - leaving a discussion about the exact shade of grey to be applied.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Why are we discussing someones relationship, surely that is between themselves, I thought the question was simply :

Am I cheating or am I swinging"

The OP is discussing it, if she didn't want to speak about it I am guessing she wouldn't.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I thought the question was simply :

Am I cheating or am I swinging

It appears not be a black/white situation - leaving a discussion about the exact shade of grey to be applied."

Is it Christmas already? we have only just gone on holiday.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Grrr now I look silly as you have changed back to being the Frosties tiger !

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"Grrr now I look silly"

Like that could *ever* happen....(/smarm)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Grrr now I look silly

Like that could *ever* happen....(/smarm)"

haha I read that as (/sarcasm)

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"haha I read that as (/sarcasm)

You must have me confused with someone else....

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Grrr now I look silly

Like that could *ever* happen....(/smarm)"

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Grrr now I look silly

Like that could *ever* happen....(/smarm)

haha I read that as (/sarcasm)

Yeah me too, but then it is Mr Sharp, should we expect anything else? he is very sharp

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"Yeah me too, but then it is Mr Sharp, should we expect anything else? "

Heyyyy..no need to be so formal...

Did I tell you what lovely eyes you have?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Yeah me too, but then it is Mr Sharp, should we expect anything else?

Heyyyy..no need to be so formal...

Did I tell you what lovely eyes you have?"

How do you know?

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"Yeah me too, but then it is Mr Sharp, should we expect anything else?

Heyyyy..no need to be so formal...

Did I tell you what lovely eyes you have?

How do you know?"

When you did

earlier...

Also confirmed by the secret camera you'll never prove I hid in your kitchen...

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Yeah me too, but then it is Mr Sharp, should we expect anything else?

Heyyyy..no need to be so formal...

Did I tell you what lovely eyes you have?

How do you know?

When you did

earlier...

Also confirmed by the secret camera you'll never prove I hid in your kitchen..."

Now I know you are lying, I spend as little time as I can in the kitchen so no camera would catch me !

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Ahah...the bluff worked....

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Ahah...the bluff worked....

lol

I reckon we should report you for breaking the Trades description act, your name says Sharp dressed man, and then you put that shirt on !

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Why is everyone dissing the shirt?

I'm so bullied on here....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ahah...the bluff worked....

lol

I reckon we should report you for breaking the Trades description act, your name says Sharp dressed man, and then you put that shirt on !

It could have sharp edges? Maybe he used too much starch??

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"It could have sharp edges? Maybe he used too much starch??"

Nah, too much elastene content to be sharp

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It could have sharp edges? Maybe he used too much starch??

Nah, too much elastene content to be sharp"

Hey, I was trying to defend you lol.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Why is everyone dissing the shirt?

I'm so bullied on here....

* slaps Sharp around the head * pull yourself together !!

lol @ Devil

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"* slaps Sharp around the head * pull yourself together !!

Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Moderator! Moderator!

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"Hey, I was trying to defend you lol."

lol - I'm indefensible!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"* slaps Sharp around the head * pull yourself together !!

Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Moderator! Moderator!

You called?

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"* slaps Sharp around the head * pull yourself together !!

Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Moderator! Moderator!

You called?"

er....

...

Honeypottttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"* slaps Sharp around the head * pull yourself together !!

Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Moderator! Moderator!

You called?

er....

...

Honeypottttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

She won't help you !!

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"She won't help you !!"

*sulks* why not?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"She won't help you !!

*sulks* why not?"

Because anyone who wears a shirt like that doesn't deserve to be helped !!

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"Because anyone who wears a shirt like that doesn't deserve to be helped !!

Beware I don't take it off...then you'll be sorry....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because anyone who wears a shirt like that doesn't deserve to be helped !!

Beware I don't take it off...then you'll be sorry....

is that why you hide in the changing rooms?

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"is that why you hide in the changing rooms?"

Well, one doesn't wish to be too pushy....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"is that why you hide in the changing rooms?

Well, one doesn't wish to be too pushy....

I was going to say that there's being non-pushy and there's being horizontal however hiding away in there is not going to help you get horizontal anytime soon lol.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Hmmmm Big bad is joining you in the loudest shirt contest !

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"Hmmmm Big bad is joining you in the loudest shirt contest !"

Well, without a loser, how could I win?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I thought the question was simply :

Am I cheating or am I swinging

It appears not be a black/white situation - leaving a discussion about the exact shade of grey to be applied."

I would agree with you entirely, it's not a black and white situation, I expect that's probably why the question was asked in the forums to get a general concensus of what people thought, but she didn't ask how she should conduct her relationship with her partner or how to improve it or give up on it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks to everyone for being honest and open with me x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I thought the question was simply :

Am I cheating or am I swinging

It appears not be a black/white situation - leaving a discussion about the exact shade of grey to be applied.

She asked for advice on a subject, people commented on her whole post and her comments since. The OP discussed everything so she must have been happy to do so as she has posted a thankyou.

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By *exyamykCouple
over a year ago

tyrone

[Removed by poster at 20/07/10 12:00:25]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i really want to get this,and have got to a stage where she said you i can but she doesn't want to. I just knew from her face she didn't want me to, when i started to describe a situation with me and somone else just to make sure she was comftable. i decided not to,now i really want to do it again, at first i felt like i only wanted to do it if she would but know i cant help it n feel like sex is natural, fun and is a lot different to making love. any advice

(btw i haven't cheated yet)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would never had dreamed of cheating on my kids dad even though he was/is an abusive alcoholic and sex was all about him and his enjoyment, even though he was cheating on me. It would never have crossed my mind to cheat and to satisfy myself, i masturbated regularly whilst he was at the pub.

Personally, i think if there is nothing left and he wont listen to you, leave him, plenty of fish in the sea that will treat you so much better.

And im sorry but i dont see that there is a need to cheat at all, if a relationship is over, why stay and cheat with the excuses that married men have "my wife doesnt understand me" or "I have needs" or "she will never find out" as ive heard time and time again

Leave him, simple

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