FabSwingers.com forum: What do you think about the psychology behind Sub/Dom relationship

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've been reading online out of curiosity about the dom/sub relationship, me myself to my "partner" I am in 5 he sub type role and she is more dominant.

It says on a few reports that it's a reverse in roles, that for guys/women who are dominant in life and take control are the sub because it's new and a release off pressure from being in control

Is this the same in your relationship? Is the person who is submissive in sex the one in control outside off sex?

For me it's true, I usually call the shots outside of the sex like where to go to eat what we do ect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it's that simple, everyone is different. I have done a lot of bdsm play but I feel comfortable being a Dom, I like being in control of my girl's pleasure, whilst also enjoying it myself.

I am very strong minded outside sex and I like calling the shots there too, but it all depends... Sometimes I'm lazy and can't be bothered so I let the girl do the Dom, which catches them unguarded some don't know what to do with that power, but some make the most of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's true for us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you met me in "every day"life you'd think I was a very strong and in control person but when it comes down to play,with my doms, I love to give up all control. It's a huge release for me and very satisfying

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

For me, it's not quiet that juxtaposition, I fairly laid-back in a general family type context, same socially, yet I suspect it's bubbling away underneath.

However business, decision making and sex..... well that's different.

So me, it's contextualised.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

It varies. There are not definite rules.

Not all subs are the same with the same motivations, likes and dislikes and the same goes for Doms.

I can't understand the need to dissect, categorise and neatly box everything. Find people who like the same as you do and have fun. The whys and hows really aren't important.

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

"It varies. There are not definite rules.

Not all subs are the same with the same motivations, likes and dislikes and the same goes for Doms.

I can't understand the need to dissect, categorise and neatly box everything. Find people who like the same as you do and have fun. The whys and hows really aren't important."

I think you have just written a reasonable justification to categorise ? To help and assist simplify(which is a human trait ) the search process . If categories are loosely assigned and understood then finding people with a bias toward the same things you like can become possibly more refined ?

That said I think the op is worthwhile simply as a healthy curiosity into the amazing wonderful world of human behaviour x

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

Oh and of course there are rules to learn and understand ?

However the differant groups will have a multitude of differing and often contrasting rules illustrated by the vast array of opinions . Gaining understanding from knowledge earned by asking searching questions is worthy of praise not derision ?

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

[Removed by poster at 18/09/14 18:49:34]

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

[Removed by poster at 18/09/14 18:49:10]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Were a Dom and Sub

And its ourlifestyle

Very much enjoyed

But as an experienced Sub, and knowlegdable to this life.

The Sub holds the real reigns!!!

Yes there are some bossy types and people playing at it and some who havnt a clue when it comes to whipping, punishment, and may inflict real damage.

TRUST and NO

Are the keywords

All walks of life attracts this scene.?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, in my case the release of submission and letting go of the power and stress that comes with it is a huge part of it. It'll depend on the person and there are many different reasons and things that we like to do to release. I am a switch and with the right person get a similar buzz for very different reasons when I'm in control.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been with a guy who liked to dom. Unfortunately all he was interested in was his pleasure not mine too. Is that the norm ? As I suspect he was just a selfish git lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been with a guy who liked to dom. Unfortunately all he was interested in was his pleasure not mine too. Is that the norm ? As I suspect he was just a selfish git lol"

He may have liked to dom but wasn't a real dom.big difference

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both my parents were psychologists - so I do see the value of analysing behaviour.

I'm quite dom in the bedroom and a pushover in real life. For me I think subs are there to give doms pleasure.

BUT the proviso for a sub/dom relationship to work is that the dom needs to get their kicks from the sub being pleasured. - It's a two way street. When I'm being dom what excites me is pleasurable my sub finds it, if that makes sense!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So he was a selfish git then lol

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By *itzWoman
over a year ago

south wales

"So he was a selfish git then lol"

yep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you met me in "every day"life you'd think I was a very strong and in control person but when it comes down to play,with my doms, I love to give up all control. It's a huge release for me and very satisfying

Me too! Amen sister! Xx

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By *extoysareusCouple
over a year ago

kinky heaven

There is no one size fits all, however I do believe those that have serious jobs do need a release.

I'm sure you will find many in controlling professions do like to he spanked and controlled.

Miss whiplash anyone?

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By *my-blackTV/TS
over a year ago

Poole

"There is no one size fits all, however I do believe those that have serious jobs do need a release.

I'm sure you will find many in controlling professions do like to he spanked and controlled.

Miss whiplash anyone?

Sums me up then

total control in day job and generally in life, the moment amy comes out to play the need to totally hand over control is 100% (but dont like spanking much, its more subtle than that).

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

With the right person, I am very sub.

Day to day, I have a decent job that requires me to be in control, making decisions, I'm a single mum, so thats a lot of being boss too...

Sexually, I love to submit to someone who actually gets off on working out what works for me, and can firmly take the reigns and control me. I have moments of being quit bratty and rebellious as a sub, but enjoy challenging.

I'm currently entering into another D/S relationship just now, and am absolutely reveling in exploring each others boundaries, and the frisson of excitement that comes with the planning stages. I love learning what makes a good dom happy, in the same way he enjoys working out my limits.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone is different, I don't have a sexual partner as such, and I'm used to being in control in life, but I am very dominant when I comes to sex, not in a nasty way, like to take control and be very physical, seems to go down well though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In normal time im a strong woman, this last 15 months alone has proved it hundredfold (and thats not to say I don't struggle because I do). In the bedroom (when I get chance and a libido) I love relinquishing that control and being "told" what to do. In fact theres a guy on here who needs to bring that side out of me a bit (lots) more.

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By *nttake2Couple
over a year ago

South

Two sides of the same coin, cannot have one without the other, otherwise its called abuse. Its just that when I call it, I always win

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a busy life, so it's almost comforting when I can leave that behind and my domme holds me by the throat at the end of the day.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Haha its very interesting what people think here, personally I am flexible with being a sub or dom but prefer being a sub because I get more pleasure from it if that makes sense?

I was again just curious because in sex to my partner I am a sub but outside off that I am more controlling, from what people put I think there is some logic in that but hit and miss meaning some people are beyond that what can be analysed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

an old friend of mine, who i haven't had contact with for some time would probably be able to give some insight on this.

She is TS post op. She used to be into S&M and bondage and I have some pix which demonstrate her sub side, but, she also studied psychology so can most likely give a very honest insight into this

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"an old friend of mine, who i haven't had contact with for some time would probably be able to give some insight on this.

She is TS post op. She used to be into S&M and bondage and I have some pix which demonstrate her sub side, but, she also studied psychology so can most likely give a very honest insight into this"

Dam haha would off been interesting what she would off said! I don't think psychology could some everyone up because everyone is different, but it can sum up most people like myself, best place to test it is fab

Let's face it we are all naughty people here one way or another

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By *adystephanieTV/TS
over a year ago

glos

Sub or Dom is just a term we endear ourselves to whereas actually we are all really capable of both roles the need to be controlled by another can and is common in all sexual contact ..ie. the female begins the contact because she feels horny.....and the male may do the same for the same reason ..but serious domination will be mainly driven by the desire to be humiliated or abused by another .....or to humiliate or abuse another .....this will almost certainly have derived from an earlier episode in ones life that will have been etched into the subconscious.

What you fear is what you are.......

What you feel is what you were....

I guess you should just enjoy either role or continually question yourself ....x

Just my thought on the subject ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is no one size fits all psychological profile for doms or subs - everyone is different

some men and women with powerful jobs and positions, alphas on a daily basis in life like to submit on the weekend. sometimes the shy people who appear to lack confidence are the most deviant dominants when the mood takes them

For me, as a naturally assertive, confident guy - my sexually dominant side is just part of who and how I am.

The psychology of BDSM and all the sub genres and dynamics and personalities within are an easy target for armchair commentators and analysts (or analists, pardon the pun) its also massively complex - trying to sum it up is impossible

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By *adystephanieTV/TS
over a year ago

glos

I don't believe the op asked for a psychological profile more the psychology behind the sub/ dom behaviour in General which I believe Freud was well versed in .....again just an opinion of mine and I am blonde so pay little attention to me ....brunette tomorrow tho ..

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