FabSwingers.com forum: How do you,

By *ewexperience83 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ellesmere Port

Say no to some one polite enough to then still be friends with said person?

Any tips or lines from all you mot experience people?

Xx J

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By *estlands4Man
over a year ago

Sidmouth

Well I guess they be reading this so they may know already

Depends on the reason tbh....

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By *ewexperience83 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ellesmere Port

"Well I guess they be reading this so they may know already

Depends on the reason tbh...."

Question was asked in general, not about anyone in particular. We go to clubs and are worried about upsetting people by being too blatant about saying 'no thanks'. Just looking for tips.

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By *umpleteazerWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

If anyone asks me to play and I don’t want to I just say 'No thank you' very sweetly with a smile. I give no reasons or excuses. Only one person has been a funny bugger and that's because I had to tell him many times, decreasing in niceness, so he got the hump. I wasn't too fussed about staying friends at that point though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think anyone worth their salt would appreciate honesty x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/09/14 19:54:07]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If anyone asks me to play and I don’t want to I just say 'No thank you' very sweetly with a smile. I give no reasons or excuses. Only one person has been a funny bugger and that's because I had to tell him many times, decreasing in niceness, so he got the hump. I wasn't too fussed about staying friends at that point though"

You've hit the nail on the head here. Surely anyone worth staying friends with would accept the Swingers code that 'no thank you' means 'no thank you'.

If they're gonna be dicks about it probably not worth being friends anyway.

But I guess the OP's question is slightly more subtle than that, i.e. they don't want to hurt their friend or are trying to find a more diplomatic way of saying no that won't cause offence.

That's more difficult to answer as everybody will have their own way of dealing with rejection - some are ok about it, others will be upset however much you try to sugar the pill

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By *estlands4Man
over a year ago

Sidmouth

Just be honest - say you're a great friend and I wouldn't want to risk losing that special friendship by bringing sex into it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of people will tell you that it's best to just be straight and tell them no thanks but wish them luck, all in the same breath. This is definitely a very good way of doing it... and seems to be the norm. But seeing as the OP appears to be looking for options... a really good 'excuse' that someone came up with the other day was to tell someone they looked too much like one of your EX's or perhaps a cousin or something... and that it would be too weird for you.

The only trouble with making excuses and hoping to remain friends is that...

A) what if they become really close friends and end up discovering you lied?

B) what if you end up fancying them after all?

In this instance it's probably best to be straight...say not at the moment... but you'd love to hang out more with them as you seem to have lots in common... and just see where things go. Unless you are severely unattracted to them, I'd say this could be an honest approach... after all... who knows... you may end up changing your mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In this instance it's probably best to be straight...say not at the moment... but you'd love to hang out more with them as you seem to have lots in common... and just see where things go. Unless you are severely unattracted to them, I'd say this could be an honest approach... after all... who knows... you may end up changing your mind

The above approach is the quintessence of timewasting, however, so, upon second thoughts, you should really make them aware that they're barking up the wrong tree... but that, this fact aside, you'd quite like to be vanilla friends with them... something like that

Sorry everyone... I didn't want to be seen to be promoting timewasting urgh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think body language can say a lot, other than that, be straight.

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to say every time I read the forums I discover yet another potential quandary.

This really is a tricky one.

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By *ewexperience83 OP Couple
over a year ago

Ellesmere Port

We're just not attracted to them, but we'd like to friend zone them.

Thanks everyone for your advise it's been great xx

I'm thinking of just going for the honest approach , as that's the way I'd want to be treated in this kind of situation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honest approach every time, failing that, tell them you can't play with them as everything after that would just be an anti climax.

Actually don't do that.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"We're just not attracted to them, but we'd like to friend zone them.

Thanks everyone for your advise it's been great xx

I'm thinking of just going for the honest approach , as that's the way I'd want to be treated in this kind of situation

If you want to be friends with anyone you can't start out by being less than honest.

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

I don't always go to clubs to play so I just say I'm not playing today. If I am planning on playing but not with them I just polietly decline but continue to talk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Say no to some one polite enough to then still be friends with said person?

Any tips or lines from all you mot experience people?

Xx J

Platonically.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fab 'friends' are a myth.

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