FabSwingers.com forum: Masters

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have read a number of profiles where a woman has said that she is "owned" by some guy.

Surely in this age of equality, that kind of behaviour is socially unacceptable and is tantamount to a form of abuse.

Is it just a game these people are playing or something more sinister?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

With a bit of research you can easily find the answer.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Are you writing a book?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A proper master will never perform physical harm all activities are with mutual consent.if it is your thing it is very erotic kinky and enjoyable and good fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To each their own?

Nobody is forcing these people to do this, it's a form of role play.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To each their own?

Nobody is forcing these people to do this, it's a form of role play."

That's fair enough...

But

Does it work both ways?. Are there men who have female masters?.

I would suspect that there are not many. I think the whole master thing is about a control freak male and an ultra submissive female.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Actually, think you'll find the control lies with the sub!

Try Google, it has an amazing source of info if you research..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I can see how the master may get a kick from this activity. Being in total control.

But I wonder what kind of woman enjoys it. What in her phyche makes her want to be controlled?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you writing a book?"

Or a newspaper article? Or finding interesting info for your GCSE's?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why is the male a freak?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Are you writing a book?

Or a newspaper article? Or finding interesting info for your GCSE's?"

There is a lot of paranoia on here.

My enquiring mind wants to know. Nothing more than that. Sorry to disappoint.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Actually, think you'll find the control lies with the sub!

Try Google, it has an amazing source of info if you research.."

This??????

The sub is the one with ultimate control..

However I choose to hand that control over to my master.. It's about a deep connection.. My master loves me and would never let me come to harm. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Actually, think you'll find the control lies with the sub!

Try Google, it has an amazing source of info if you research..

This??????

The sub is the one with ultimate control..

However I choose to hand that control over to my master.. It's about a deep connection.. My master loves me and would never let me come to harm. X"

But why do you want to be controlled?.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Actually, think you'll find the control lies with the sub!

Try Google, it has an amazing source of info if you research..

This??????

The sub is the one with ultimate control..

However I choose to hand that control over to my master.. It's about a deep connection.. My master loves me and would never let me come to harm. X

But why do you want to be controlled?. "

Because it turns me on. I'm only a sexual submissive so my master only controls what we do in the bedroom. I love being guided and knowing that I must surrender to his every desire x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A) there are many submissive men and dominant women.

B) it's absolutely not a form of abuse. The parties involved discuss and negotiate their roles and the boundaries and limits to such an extent it could rival negotiating a prenup with donald Trump. It's an in depth process and ive known couples spend months doing it. It is constantly evolving and reviewed, as well.

C) the psyche of anyone is complex but you're in for a huge shock when you find that most females who are the 'submissive' in a relationship of that kind are far far from submissive in their interactions with others, nor do they lack intelligence.

D) they are not looking to 'be controlled' they are looking to submit. There is a striking difference between the two. Submission is earned by patience, respect, and trust. It cannot be demanded. It cannot be forced. It cannot be rushed.

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

Kinda agree with this.... It's the subs relinquishing of self that allows the dominant to push boundaries, that would never be explored without a driving force.

But in the end I feel both dom & sub are trapped. You can't own anything and not be stuck.

The more you own, the more stuck you become, the more precious that which you own, eventually the master is caged right alongside the slave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can see how the master may get a kick from this activity. Being in total control.

But I wonder what kind of woman enjoys it. What in her phyche makes her want to be controlled? "

the master isn't in total control

and i enjoy it

and yes there are female masters, known as Fem Domme's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Kinda agree with this.... It's the subs relinquishing of self that allows the dominant to push boundaries, that would never be explored without a driving force.

But in the end I feel both dom & sub are trapped. You can't own anything and not be stuck.

The more you own, the more stuck you become, the more precious that which you own, eventually the master is caged right alongside the slave. "

sub and slave are different, they are not the same

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By *ame for itMan
over a year ago

I love to be sub as I am so in control of my day to day life. Very exciting but only done with 100% trust

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can see how the master may get a kick from this activity. Being in total control.

Being the dominant party in the relationship does not give total control. Limits are set and they are adhered to. The submissive party is to be protected, and the dominant's job is the safety and protection above all else. The dominant has the responsibility of earning trust and respect, knowing the submissive's boundaries better than their own, maintaining those boundaries, keeping the submissive safe at all times, and providing a safe and stimulating environment for the submissive. Those who can manage all of that responsibility are far from 'freaks', control or otherwise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love to be sub as I am so in control of my day to day life. Very exciting but only done with 100% trust"

This,

its an amazing experience. As said, done with 100% trust

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By *istressZoeTV/TS
over a year ago

cheshire

I think that the best Dom male Masters are those who have at some point switched x only when you have experienced the joy and gift of submission can you truely understand what it is like to have control over a sub who trusts you explicitly x

Anyone can think they are Dom x but the true skill lies in unlocking the sub side of the submissives Brain x

The brain is the most powerful erotic muscle in any sub / Dom relationship x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have read a number of profiles where a woman has said that she is "owned" by some guy.

Surely in this age of equality, that kind of behaviour is socially unacceptable and is tantamount to a form of abuse.

Is it just a game these people are playing or something more sinister?"

are you being serious ... submissives and masters are equal and both get equal pleasure. Rules are set and contracts are signed in many cases

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/08/14 09:16:37]

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

I was talking metaphorically...

Slave is a more powerful word and it wouldn't of painted the same picture in your mind with sub.

Mainly because everyone is made to submit to someone, at some point.

Unless your a tycoon.

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

Nobody is ever equal... Ever...

It's not what our societies are about, were all about dominance, strength and increasing our statues...

The other path leads to banality and communism.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have read a number of profiles where a woman has said that she is "owned" by some guy.

Surely in this age of equality, that kind of behaviour is socially unacceptable and is tantamount to a form of abuse.

Is it just a game these people are playing or something more sinister?"

To most it is neither a game or something sinister... It is a way of being... If they are owned its to me at least just showing their commitment... It's a sign of affection and most hold a lot of respect for their sub/slave and is a declaration of commitment not abuse..

It is a equal relationship because both need each other x it works because both get what they want and need .

It is not abuse and trust me abuse in that lifestyle is not tolerated any more than it is in vanilla world

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By *astersfuckpigCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

"I can see how the master may get a kick from this activity. Being in total control.

But I wonder what kind of woman enjoys it. What in her phyche makes her want to be controlled? "

Lots of woman and men enjoy been submissive..You clearly have no idea and this is not really the place for you to find out..try a bdsm site, there's a lot of them due to the big interest in it these days..

I have always thought that a female sub gets the most out of it (if she is luckily enough to find a real Master)..Being able to totally submit,not worry about anything,just enjoy the sub space,multiple orgasms and inner peace..

PS Since we came on this site Master has sex with 3 girls,i have had 35 guys and 2 women so clearly its him having all the fun being in control

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To each their own?

Nobody is forcing these people to do this, it's a form of role play.

That's fair enough...

But

Does it work both ways?. Are there men who have female masters?.

I would suspect that there are not many. I think the whole master thing is about a control freak male and an ultra submissive female. "

you would be surprised how many messages i get from guys looking for a mistress, i think i must just have a domme look about me because i get loads, and from guys looking for a cuck relationship, there are lots of sub men out there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a submissive guy that has been held in chastity for around 2 years. It is not about abuse it is something altogether different. In my case I pass control of my orgasm to someone else and it feels great. I am therefore focussed entirely on giving pleasure to my partner.

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By *lackbirdtimestwoWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

It's true the sub has the most control,, but I like my boundaries pushed and to have a dom who can facilitate that is just perfect,,, why do I like to be directed or controlled,,, it takes responsibility from me,, to have someone make decisions for me,, I suppose in my real life I'm the total opposite,, remember it is just role play, at least it is for me,,, very separate from my real life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bit confusing to me so many people talking about trust etc yet people say they are looking for doms. How do you have trust in a stranger??

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"Actually, think you'll find the control lies with the sub!

Try Google, it has an amazing source of info if you research..

This??????

The sub is the one with ultimate control..

However I choose to hand that control over to my master.. It's about a deep connection.. My master loves me and would never let me come to harm. X

But why do you want to be controlled?. "

choice..?

same as you seem to want to ask many, many questions on Fab..?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bit confusing to me so many people talking about trust etc yet people say they are looking for doms. How do you have trust in a stranger??"

That partly goes to what each person means when they say 'dom'. Those of us talking about establishing trust etc are speaking directly to the lifestyle choice that the op questions. Not every profile stating that they seek a dom is into that lifestyle.

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By *astersfuckpigCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

"Bit confusing to me so many people talking about trust etc yet people say they are looking for doms. How do you have trust in a stranger??"

By making them not a stranger? Talking,meeting,playing..Then talking again..it does not work for one off meets,its a relationship of the mind..

Most sub I know only have room for one Dom in there head..but this is a swingers site maybe some girls just put "dom" to show they enjoy been spanked ect or maybe on the look out for there Dom,as a lot of guys like to think they are,but they really have no idea or skills..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/08/14 11:32:01]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is true it is the sub who has the real control they just wish to relinquish it to someone else. I often look for a dominant partner mainly because they can take control and use me to pleasure themselves. It is even more powerful if the dominant partner is also younger (either male or female) and is focussed on their own enjoyment. The most interesting extension is that of a girl pegging a guy. (Having anal sex with him using a strap on) this is the complete role reversal but is a truly great experience for a guy emotionally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bit confusing to me so many people talking about trust etc yet people say they are looking for doms. How do you have trust in a stranger??"

How do you learn to trust a friend , lover or partner.... ? You get to know them.... It isn't something that is just given

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bit confusing to me so many people talking about trust etc yet people say they are looking for doms. How do you have trust in a stranger??

How do you learn to trust a friend , lover or partner.... ? You get to know them.... It isn't something that is just given "

Ive seen profiles looking for a dom for first meet fun. Hardly gives you time to get to know or develop trust does it..

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

It is not abuse and trust me abuse in that lifestyle is not tolerated any more than it is in vanilla world "

Is there a committee somewhere that watches over people? If there is how far would it go to be called abuse where they would get involved?

You say it isn't abuse and people wouldn't stand for it....but some of the extreme stuff would be classed as abuse in the vanilla world , so much so that people can be arrested and charger for it.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

charged *

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bit confusing to me so many people talking about trust etc yet people say they are looking for doms. How do you have trust in a stranger??

How do you learn to trust a friend , lover or partner.... ? You get to know them.... It isn't something that is just given

Ive seen profiles looking for a dom for first meet fun. Hardly gives you time to get to know or develop trust does it.."

Doesn't mean they will play on a first meet. I advise any one I mentor not to meet a dominant alone for play first. Meet publicly and get to know someone.

My dominant restrained me fully for the first time recently and we have known each other years now x

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

I am also of the opinion that there's a very different quality between:

Dom/domme - in the play/BDSM/sM sense.

And

A natural dominant - someone who lives in a permanently competitive lifestyle.

In one case, yes the sub has control (don't think anyone has total control).

In the other, only another dominant can compete in a world of perpetual conflict.

Sounds bad, but you put the right chemicals together and you get dynamite.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is not abuse and trust me abuse in that lifestyle is not tolerated any more than it is in vanilla world

Is there a committee somewhere that watches over people? If there is how far would it go to be called abuse where they would get involved?

You say it isn't abuse and people wouldn't stand for it....but some of the extreme stuff would be classed as abuse in the vanilla world , so much so that people can be arrested and charger for it."

It is quite easy to tell the difference as people being abused do show signs... Withdrawn, secretive, hiding marks etc etc..

It is the same as in other lifestyles if you suspect you may ask but I find that in this lifestyle that people do ask you more if your okay.

But a sub after a good spanking or session is normally quite obviously not abused. In fact most I know at events run around showing off the new marks.. it does annoy me a little if people comment negatively on marks

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By *astersfuckpigCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

It is not abuse and trust me abuse in that lifestyle is not tolerated any more than it is in vanilla world

Is there a committee somewhere that watches over people? If there is how far would it go to be called abuse where they would get involved?

You say it isn't abuse and people wouldn't stand for it....but some of the extreme stuff would be classed as abuse in the vanilla world , so much so that people can be arrested and charger for it."

In the vanilla world a lot of people thing that swinging is the man forcing his poor wife into having sex with other men for his own enjoyment..

And as for the law,well being gay you could be arrested and charged in the past..There are bdsm clubs all over England where people are "assaulted" every night but the police do nothing about it because that's a stone they do not want to turn over..

So your point is?

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

"The law is an ass"

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

There are bdsm clubs all over England where people are "assaulted" every night

So your point is?"

I think you just made my point for me

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

It is quite easy to tell the difference as people being abused do show signs... Withdrawn, secretive, hiding marks etc etc..

It is the same as in other lifestyles if you suspect you may ask but I find that in this lifestyle that people do ask you more if your okay.

But a sub after a good spanking or session is normally quite obviously not abused. "

I agree.

I was talking about extreme stuff that I obviously can't post about.

So in the case of your first sentence, if someone on the outside could see this going on, what are the chances of the sub taking any notice of anyone who mentions it do you think?

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By *astersfuckpigCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

There are bdsm clubs all over England where people are "assaulted" every night

So your point is?

I think you just made my point for me

No..you just clearly have no idea what the law is..a hand spanking is "assault" under the laws of this country..Even is it was asked for,enjoyed and not reported..

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

There are bdsm clubs all over England where people are "assaulted" every night

So your point is?

I think you just made my point for me

No..you just clearly have no idea what the law is..a hand spanking is "assault" under the laws of this country..Even is it was asked for,enjoyed and not reported..

Is this the Dom typing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is quite easy to tell the difference as people being abused do show signs... Withdrawn, secretive, hiding marks etc etc..

It is the same as in other lifestyles if you suspect you may ask but I find that in this lifestyle that people do ask you more if your okay.

But a sub after a good spanking or session is normally quite obviously not abused.

I agree.

I was talking about extreme stuff that I obviously can't post about.

So in the case of your first sentence, if someone on the outside could see this going on, what are the chances of the sub taking any notice of anyone who mentions it do you think?"

New subs are carefully watched and helped, rugby. By many people. If someone on the scene has a bad rep, others are warned about that person and that person definitely finds it difficult to find someone to play with. The scene is very close knit and people will ask, talk, share and educate each other. There are also hundreds of books, websites, blogs and info sites on the subject which people are encouraged to make use of. I myself have mentors in the scene who are make and female, dom and sub, local and farther afield younger and older. That is a valuable resource and one which i try to further by helping others. It's very much the norm in the bdsm scene.

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By *astersfuckpigCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

There are bdsm clubs all over England where people are "assaulted" every night

So your point is?

I think you just made my point for me

No..you just clearly have no idea what the law is..a hand spanking is "assault" under the laws of this country..Even is it was asked for,enjoyed and not reported..

Is this the Dom typing?

Nope..just a pissed off sub..with a law degree..

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By *astersfuckpigCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

It is quite easy to tell the difference as people being abused do show signs... Withdrawn, secretive, hiding marks etc etc..

It is the same as in other lifestyles if you suspect you may ask but I find that in this lifestyle that people do ask you more if your okay.

But a sub after a good spanking or session is normally quite obviously not abused.

I agree.

I was talking about extreme stuff that I obviously can't post about.

So in the case of your first sentence, if someone on the outside could see this going on, what are the chances of the sub taking any notice of anyone who mentions it do you think?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

There are bdsm clubs all over England where people are "assaulted" every night

So your point is?

I think you just made my point for me

No..you just clearly have no idea what the law is..a hand spanking is "assault" under the laws of this country..Even is it was asked for,enjoyed and not reported..

Is this the Dom typing?

Nope..just a pissed off sub..with a law degree.."

Then maybe read what I said and see that we are agreeing with each other over the law. Abuse is abuse and you can be nicked for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Then maybe read what I said and see that we are agreeing with each other over the law. Abuse is abuse and you can be nicked for it."

But that is what infuriates those choosing the kink lifestyle is that those outside will call it abuse when it is not

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By *ratty_DamselWoman
over a year ago

Greater London

Why don't you read up on bdsm?

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By *astersfuckpigCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

There are bdsm clubs all over England where people are "assaulted" every night

So your point is?

I think you just made my point for me

No..you just clearly have no idea what the law is..a hand spanking is "assault" under the laws of this country..Even is it was asked for,enjoyed and not reported..

Is this the Dom typing?

Nope..just a pissed off sub..with a law degree..

Then maybe read what I said and see that we are agreeing with each other over the law. Abuse is abuse and you can be nicked for it."

So you believe that a Dom spanking his sub who LOVES being spanked is abusing her and should be charged with assault?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Out of curiousity, are the people saying 'google it' the same people who complain that 50 Shades isn't an accurate reflection of the lifestyle?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

So if that person who has a bad rep decides to look for a sub on a site like this, he can do that without being watched by others. I do imagine the BDSM scene is like swinging, a lot of the time people watch each others backs, which is a good thing....but like everything in life....there are bad apples who will take advantage of vulnerable people and might get away with it for a long while

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rugby, the law in Britain at one time said you could be nicked for being gay, cross dressing, and adultery. It also said that women couldn't vote, were the property of others and that they could be institutionalised if they enjoyed sex too much.

The law on assault is written the way that it is, namely that you cannot consent to assault, to keep those who abuse others from copping out by coercing consent. That bares zero resemblance at all to the bdsm scene, which is why those who partake in that lifestyle are left alone to enjoy it in peace by the police, cps, etc.....many of whom enjoy the scene themselves.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Then maybe read what I said and see that we are agreeing with each other over the law. Abuse is abuse and you can be nicked for it.

But that is what infuriates those choosing the kink lifestyle is that those outside will call it abuse when it is not "

So you are saying no one ever got abused in a BDSM lifestyle?

I have just answered another post that says people do

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

So you believe that a Dom spanking his sub who LOVES being spanked is abusing her and should be charged with assault?"

No.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is abuse In all aspects of life. I am saying those in loving, caring ds relationships who enjoy the spankings etc.... And that is not abuse

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By *astersfuckpigCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

So you believe that a Dom spanking his sub who LOVES being spanked is abusing her and should be charged with assault?

No."

But under the law it is assault..and that's what you do not understand..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The same way a man who batters his wife, yet isn't in the bdsm scene at all, may get away with that? Having been on both sides of that.... In the scene and in a dv relationship where no bdsm was present.... Bdsm reacts quicker to help people that are vulnerable.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"There is abuse In all aspects of life. I am saying those in loving, caring ds relationships who enjoy the spankings etc.... And that is not abuse "

I didn't say it was so I am not sure why everyone is getting defensive over it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is abuse In all aspects of life. I am saying those in loving, caring ds relationships who enjoy the spankings etc.... And that is not abuse

I didn't say it was so I am not sure why everyone is getting defensive over it.

I'm not defensive hun,just trying you share a point of view and personal experience.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

So you believe that a Dom spanking his sub who LOVES being spanked is abusing her and should be charged with assault?

No.

But under the law it is assault..and that's what you do not understand.."

I am finding your posts very patronising and defensive.

We are talking about two totally different things and you really do need to read my past posts before you can understand what I am saying

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"There is abuse In all aspects of life. I am saying those in loving, caring ds relationships who enjoy the spankings etc.... And that is not abuse

I didn't say it was so I am not sure why everyone is getting defensive over it.

I'm not defensive hun,just trying you share a point of view and personal experience. "

Yeah I didn't mean you, yours is the least defensive post and very informative.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

If the person who is using a vulnerable person outside of the world of BDSM then no one in that scene would know about it?

I have no issue with adults playing adult games, even if they want to use extreme BDSM games , but as you say there are some bad apples about who will look for vulnerable people to use.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you believe that a Dom spanking his sub who LOVES being spanked is abusing her and should be charged with assault?

No.

But under the law it is assault..and that's what you do not understand.."

I've wondered about this. Is the law on assault strict liability? Because it had previously has precedent set saying that you cannot consent to assault, and i understand the reasoning behind that, but much of the law relies on intent. In bdsm the intent isn't assault, it is pleasure. What impact does that have on any potential infringement seen?

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By *astersfuckpigCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

So you believe that a Dom spanking his sub who LOVES being spanked is abusing her and should be charged with assault?

No.

But under the law it is assault..and that's what you do not understand..

I am finding your posts very patronising and defensive.

We are talking about two totally different things and you really do need to read my past posts before you can understand what I am saying

I am being defensive because I fill you are attacking my lifestyle with little to no understanding of it..

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

So you believe that a Dom spanking his sub who LOVES being spanked is abusing her and should be charged with assault?

No.

But under the law it is assault..and that's what you do not understand..

I am finding your posts very patronising and defensive.

We are talking about two totally different things and you really do need to read my past posts before you can understand what I am saying

I am being defensive because I fill you are attacking my lifestyle with little to no understanding of it.."

I can't make you feel like that, only you can. So maybe just ignore my posts if it bothers you what I am writing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the person who is using a vulnerable person outside of the world of BDSM then no one in that scene would know about it?

I have no issue with adults playing adult games, even if they want to use extreme BDSM games , but as you say there are some bad apples about who will look for vulnerable people to use.

I'm not sure i understand the first part correctly. I was saying that if you compare a non bdsm relationship where dv is present to one in the scene where people suspect things are crossing a line drawn by either partner, the bdsm scene reacts quicker. They don't turn a blind eye in the way many in the vanilla world do to dv or child abuse.

It would be naive to claim abuse never happens. It happens in all lifestyles and in all walks of life. But it's far less common in the scene than many think. Id go so far a to say its extremely rare.

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By *aurenkaWoman
over a year ago

London

Interesting documentary how those stuff (like every stuff) can go wrong:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aETMWyTScw0

(how to start a sex cult)

It is about English guy (bit mental if u aske me) who "owned" Australian woman, and make her fuck other man.

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By *astersfuckpigCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

So you believe that a Dom spanking his sub who LOVES being spanked is abusing her and should be charged with assault?

No.

But under the law it is assault..and that's what you do not understand..

Legally speaking, any activity which results in marks or injuries which are “more than transient or trifling” constitutes actual or grievous bodily harm under UK law, regardless of whether the act was consensual. It is still not possible to legally consent to assault in the UK, even with a written contract.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you believe that a Dom spanking his sub who LOVES being spanked is abusing her and should be charged with assault?

No.

But under the law it is assault..and that's what you do not understand..

I know. I wasn't arguing consent, i was arguing intent. Take it in another context:

If i saw a lady about to be run over by a bus and i push her out of the way but she falls and breaks her arm.. That causes injury and would be under the law assault and abh or gbh, but my intent was not to harm. I was trying to help. Would i still be found guilty?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting documentary how those stuff (like every stuff) can go wrong:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aETMWyTScw0

(how to start a sex cult)

It is about English guy (bit mental if u aske me) who "owned" Australian woman, and make her fuck other man."

Some subs want to fuck other people that the dominant partner chooses. It's one of many many kinks out there.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

It would be naive to claim abuse never happens. It happens in all lifestyles and in all walks of life. But it's far less common in the scene than many think. Id go so far a to say its extremely rare. "

Ah yes I didn't explain it, I meant in answer to you saying the BDSM scene might react quicker to an abused person.

I was saying if a person who the BDSM scene knew was toxic was abusing someone and dressing it up as BDSM but the BDSM scene were not aware of the relationship then he may well be getting away with it.

Thanks for your honest views anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hopefully, OP, you can see that those 'owned' get a huge amount of pleasure from the arrangement. It is the sub who has ultimate power, as they set the agenda for how extreme play can and will get. There are plenty of men, as well as women, who enjoy being submissive sexually. Personally, I 'own' a woman on here. I like control of her body in the bedroom and we both find this a huge turn on. Currently we are exploring one another's boundaries. It has to be mutual, however. I would never push her into things she wasn't comfortable with. Nor would I do stuff I wasn't happy with. So, in that respect, isn't it similar to every other relationship? As has been discussed above, it is only when one party is pushing someone beyond their comfortable limits that it becomes abusive and controlling. Again, similar to all other relationships! My experience is that it is great fun and you are connecting emotionally, mentally as well as sexually. Surely people you have met, even casually, one of you will have had greater control than the other? Ownership is simply an extension of that, combined with cementing some form of commitment to one another

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan
over a year ago

London

They always say the one who cares least has the most control...

"Those with the most flexibility, control the system"

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By *astersfuckpigCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

So you believe that a Dom spanking his sub who LOVES being spanked is abusing her and should be charged with assault?

No.

But under the law it is assault..and that's what you do not understand..

I know. I wasn't arguing consent, i was arguing intent. Take it in another context:

No,but could you show in a court of law that a hard spanking saved your life..lol

There have been a few cases concerning married couples in which consensual play resulted in one participant being seriously marked. I don’t know in what circumstances the charges arose, but I do know that in both cases the Judge ruled that what took place within a consensual private relationship was no concern of the court.

It seems that the courts believe in consent,even though the law does not..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you believe that a Dom spanking his sub who LOVES being spanked is abusing her and should be charged with assault?

No.

But under the law it is assault..and that's what you do not understand..

I know. I wasn't arguing consent, i was arguing intent. Take it in another context:

No,but could you show in a court of law that a hard spanking saved your life..lol

It seems that the courts believe in consent,even though the law does not.."

Possibly, yes, one could demonstrate life saving from a spanking if the person was depressed and the neurotranamitters released naturally treated the depression, or someone had ptsd yet the bdsm play was therapeutic and helped them to overcome issues.

I'm glad that the courts have some discretion in the matter of bdsm related charges.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have read a number of profiles where a woman has said that she is "owned" by some guy.

Surely in this age of equality, that kind of behaviour is socially unacceptable and is tantamount to a form of abuse.

Is it just a game these people are playing or something more sinister?"

If someone says they are owned, it's a way of showing that they are in a D/s type relationship. Depending on the dynamic, that may mean that before any communication begins, that person wants to get permission from their owner first. This can be written on both male and female profiles as there are Masters and Mistresses in the BDSM lifestyle.

Nobody can really be owned with or without a written contract which can be used in D/s type relationships because of the laws we have in this country but the use of that terminology and having a contract will cement the relationship more for those involved.

Just as swingers discuss rules of play before a meet, a contract may detail what is and isn't allowed within the relationship so it can be used as a way to make the s type feel more secure about any limitations that have been agreed.

Abuse occurs in any type of relationship and it isn't always the female who is the victim. If anyone is concerned about abuse, they should seek advice from the experts (charities would be my first port of call). Being in a Master/Mistress slave type relationship where the slave is owned and collared isn't abusive in itself. The control and actions from the Master/Mistress may be if they are an abuser but not all Masters/Mistresses are abusers.

crystal

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By *astersfuckpigCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

Right..this will be my last post on this..

For all you people who think swinging is fine but bdsm is wrong..Take your head out your arse and stop judging things you do not understand..

A lot of people think swinging is wrong..being judgmental on this site is silly and counter productive..

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Interesting documentary how those stuff (like every stuff) can go wrong:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aETMWyTScw0

(how to start a sex cult)

It is about English guy (bit mental if u aske me) who "owned" Australian woman, and make her fuck other man."

Not the best example for this lifestyle is it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting documentary how those stuff (like every stuff) can go wrong:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aETMWyTScw0

(how to start a sex cult)

It is about English guy (bit mental if u aske me) who "owned" Australian woman, and make her fuck other man.

Not the best example for this lifestyle is it

We see plenty more examples of vanilla and swinging relationships that go wrong!

crystal

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By *aurenkaWoman
over a year ago

London

"Interesting documentary how those stuff (like every stuff) can go wrong:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aETMWyTScw0

(how to start a sex cult)

It is about English guy (bit mental if u aske me) who "owned" Australian woman, and make her fuck other man.

Some subs want to fuck other people that the dominant partner chooses. It's one of many many kinks out there. "

And some subs may be very unhappy about it and being afraid to admit it even to themselves,

Because they are afraid to lose the master, only one person who seems to care of them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting documentary how those stuff (like every stuff) can go wrong:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aETMWyTScw0

(how to start a sex cult)

It is about English guy (bit mental if u aske me) who "owned" Australian woman, and make her fuck other man.

Some subs want to fuck other people that the dominant partner chooses. It's one of many many kinks out there.

And some subs may be very unhappy about it and being afraid to admit it even to themselves,

Because they are afraid to lose the master, only one person who seems to care of them"

The type of person that that sub is would be taken advantage of in swinging or vanilla lifestyles as well. Unhealthy attachment and low self value are far too uncommon and aren't confined to the bdsm world, the same can be said for those who pretty on the weak. I've personally encountered more outside in vanilla-land than anywhere else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting documentary how those stuff (like every stuff) can go wrong:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aETMWyTScw0

(how to start a sex cult)

It is about English guy (bit mental if u aske me) who "owned" Australian woman, and make her fuck other man.

Some subs want to fuck other people that the dominant partner chooses. It's one of many many kinks out there.

And some subs may be very unhappy about it and being afraid to admit it even to themselves,

Because they are afraid to lose the master, only one person who seems to care of them"

You mean like some women or men on here that are playing with others so that they don't lose their partner????

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By *aurenkaWoman
over a year ago

London

Agreed!

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By *aurenkaWoman
over a year ago

London

You mean like some women or men on here that are playing with others so that they don't lose their partner???? "

And you think that is what never happen?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You mean like some women or men on here that are playing with others so that they don't lose their partner????

And you think that is what never happen?"

No I'm saying that it happens in all walks of life.. blaming it on a lifestyle in particular is pointless... What I am arguing js the op where he thinks the very idea of bdsm or being owned is abusive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You mean like some women or men on here that are playing with others so that they don't lose their partner????

And you think that is what never happen?"

I think she's saying basically the same thing i said. That type of person with little sense of self value being preyed upon is far too common in any setting. It's in the swinging scene, it's in the vanilla scene.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You mean like some women or men on here that are playing with others so that they don't lose their partner????

And you think that is what never happen?

That's exactly what I was saying x but the biggest plus for me in being in a bdsm relationship is the way my self worth is valued and it's about building my self worth etc x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Interesting documentary how those stuff (like every stuff) can go wrong:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aETMWyTScw0

(how to start a sex cult)

It is about English guy (bit mental if u aske me) who "owned" Australian woman, and make her fuck other man.

Not the best example for this lifestyle is it

We see plenty more examples of vanilla and swinging relationships that go wrong!

crystal"

I have no doubt about that. I am also not sure anyone said any different.

I am referring to the relationship they had and not because it ended.

If that is the measure of Master and Sub then it isn't a very good example for me. I always thought the " Master " of the relationship was not aggressive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/08/14 14:34:38]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I led a very sheltered life before I came here, just the famous book and watching sexcetra lol

since here ive met many mistresses and masters and some of my female friends are owned.its there choice of bedroom activity, there not forced and are usually well looked after by there masters.when there smiling and laughing chatting to me, I dont see a woman that is abused I see a woman that has chose to be a sub, and enjoys what they do.yes there are people that take it too far but isnt there in real life and thats when they should get out.

overall the masters and subs ive met are happy in their roleplay lifestyle

im not a sub or into bdsm but I dont judge those who are.its there choice so dont get it mixed up with wifebeating as there are no safe words there.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

No I'm saying that it happens in all walks of life.. blaming it on a lifestyle in particular is pointless... "

Is anyone blaming it on the lifestyle? Or are they saying it could be hidden well in that type of lifestyle if someone wanted it to?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't! It takes months of correspondence by both parties.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting documentary how those stuff (like every stuff) can go wrong:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aETMWyTScw0

(how to start a sex cult)

It is about English guy (bit mental if u aske me) who "owned" Australian woman, and make her fuck other man.

Not the best example for this lifestyle is it

We see plenty more examples of vanilla and swinging relationships that go wrong!

crystal

I have no doubt about that. I am also not sure anyone said any different.

I am referring to the relationship they had and not because it ended.

If that is the measure of Master and Sub then it isn't a very good example for me. I always thought the " Master " of the relationship was not aggressive.

I watched part of the first one and he just comes across as a vile person! Why anyone would want to be in any type of relationship with him is beyond me!

For some, aggression has its place as long as it's controlled and never done in anger then it will add to some role play scenarios. If the D type loses control of their aggression or uses it in a way that goes outside the remit of SSC or RACK then that crosses the line.

crystal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I'm saying that it happens in all walks of life.. blaming it on a lifestyle in particular is pointless...

Is anyone blaming it on the lifestyle? Or are they saying it could be hidden well in that type of lifestyle if someone wanted it to?"

It can be hidden just as well in a D/s relationship as it can with a stay at home mum type relationship. The victim may feel like they deserve it and is ashamed because they feel like it's their fault so they also take actions to cover the abusers actions.

crystal

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

No I'm saying that it happens in all walks of life.. blaming it on a lifestyle in particular is pointless...

Is anyone blaming it on the lifestyle? Or are they saying it could be hidden well in that type of lifestyle if someone wanted it to?

crystal"

And again...no one has said abusive relationships can only be found in BDSM so I am not sure why it keeps getting mentioned.

The point being though, were as the person on the receiving end of an abusive relationship can hide any physical or emotional abuse, in a BDSM relationship the " Master" can pass it off as consensual.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Interesting documentary how those stuff (like every stuff) can go wrong:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aETMWyTScw0

(how to start a sex cult)

It is about English guy (bit mental if u aske me) who "owned" Australian woman, and make her fuck other man.

Not the best example for this lifestyle is it

We see plenty more examples of vanilla and swinging relationships that go wrong!

crystal

I have no doubt about that. I am also not sure anyone said any different.

I am referring to the relationship they had and not because it ended.

If that is the measure of Master and Sub then it isn't a very good example for me. I always thought the " Master " of the relationship was not aggressive.

I watched part of the first one and he just comes across as a vile person! Why anyone would want to be in any type of relationship with him is beyond me!

crystal"

Ok thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well that certainly opened a can of worms. Lol!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have read a number of profiles where a woman has said that she is "owned" by some guy.

Surely in this age of equality, that kind of behaviour is socially unacceptable and is tantamount to a form of abuse.

Is it just a game these people are playing or something more sinister?"

Its more a subject you have found and worded it in a way to get you attention as nobody is that stupid as to believe its abuse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have read a number of profiles where a woman has said that she is "owned" by some guy.

Surely in this age of equality, that kind of behaviour is socially unacceptable and is tantamount to a form of abuse.

Is it just a game these people are playing or something more sinister?

are you being serious ... submissives and masters are equal and both get equal pleasure. Rules are set and contracts are signed in many cases

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find a bloke that admits to not having a clue about the female psyche quit refreshing

Archie Gimp

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find a bloke that admits to not having a clue about the female psyche quit refreshing

Archie Gimp

I would have thought the word you would have used would be familiar.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Well you seem to be the font of all knowledge, surely you can work it out for yourself.

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By *rforfunCouple
over a year ago

Bedford

"I think that the best Dom male Masters are those who have at some point switched x only when you have experienced the joy and gift of submission can you truely understand what it is like to have control over a sub who trusts you explicitly x

Anyone can think they are Dom x but the true skill lies in unlocking the sub side of the submissives Brain x

The brain is the most powerful erotic muscle in any sub / Dom relationship x"

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By *ust MonicaWoman
over a year ago

CAMBRIDGESHIRE

If u are a woman in control of everything sometimes it's nice to commit to someone else and give them the control

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To those talking about law and assault I want to throw this in the mix. A friend of mine went out with a guy who loved BDSM at first it was fine. She said a little rough, hair pulling and spanking but ok. One night he forceably tied her up and forced her into acts I cant mention on here. She was terrified and needed hospital attention. She went to the police and he was arrested but when questioned admitted everything saying it was consensual S&M sex. Because he denied nothing and because the acts had taken place in her bedroom the police said it was her word against his and refused to take it any further. He now uses sites like this to find other women and because of the no naming rule he cant be named. So you tell me, who is watching him and warning people???...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To those talking about law and assault I want to throw this in the mix. A friend of mine went out with a guy who loved BDSM at first it was fine. She said a little rough, hair pulling and spanking but ok. One night he forceably tied her up and forced her into acts I cant mention on here. She was terrified and needed hospital attention. She went to the police and he was arrested but when questioned admitted everything saying it was consensual S&M sex. Because he denied nothing and because the acts had taken place in her bedroom the police said it was her word against his and refused to take it any further. He now uses sites like this to find other women and because of the no naming rule he cant be named. So you tell me, who is watching him and warning people???..."
Was this not passed on to the crown prosecution service, her bedroom or not?

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cps rejected it and refused charges against him they said there was no evidence it wasnt consensual as her injuries could have been caused by clumsy play...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To each their own?

Nobody is forcing these people to do this, it's a form of role play."

Actually it isnt a form of role play

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find a bloke that admits to not having a clue about the female psyche quit refreshing

Archie Gimp

I would have thought the word you would have used would be familiar. "

Just goes to show, You thought you knew but you didnt

Stalked Gimp

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By *omMaleSub SlutCouple
over a year ago

Bath

It is not abuse and trust me abuse in that lifestyle is not tolerated any more than it is in vanilla world

Is there a committee somewhere that watches over people? If there is how far would it go to be called abuse where they would get involved?

You say it isn't abuse and people wouldn't stand for it....but some of the extreme stuff would be classed as abuse in the vanilla world , so much so that people can be arrested and charger for it."

Sounds more s+m play than sub/dom play.

Sub/dom play is more of a mind set than causing pain though I would be a liar if I said there was not a bit of spanking involved in our play but not always.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To those talking about law and assault I want to throw this in the mix. A friend of mine went out with a guy who loved BDSM at first it was fine. She said a little rough, hair pulling and spanking but ok. One night he forceably tied her up and forced her into acts I cant mention on here. She was terrified and needed hospital attention. She went to the police and he was arrested but when questioned admitted everything saying it was consensual S&M sex. Because he denied nothing and because the acts had taken place in her bedroom the police said it was her word against his and refused to take it any further. He now uses sites like this to find other women and because of the no naming rule he cant be named. So you tell me, who is watching him and warning people???...Was this not passed on to the crown prosecution service, her bedroom or not?

Her"

If she Was tied up there would be considerably more evidence than the usual rape case due to injuries.

Cps would have gone for that because if he audited to everything then he's confessed you cannot consent to harm.

So gonna guess bs story

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