FabSwingers.com forum: Discretion

By *chillesHeel OP Couple
over a year ago

Somerset

Always one of my biggest worries with this lifestyle is discretion. I know it'll have been discussed before but can you guys put my mind at rest??

Some people do jobs where a certain lifestyle would be frowned upon, some people may not want to discuss it with people they then meet in vanilla life... How do you trust that people will be discrete?

I'm perhaps very paranoid but parties are more our style. We don't want to meet particularly, especially not locals! It would just be nice to know that the majority of people would uphold a level of 'what happens in the club, stays in the club'!

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Personally, I think you've just got try and have a bit of faith in people.

I work in education and Anita is in local government. Neither of us would really want our our customers or our bosses to know. We will generally be cautious when communicating with local people and don't have easily identifiable pics on our public view.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Oh and of course, most of the other people you meet also don't want everyone knowing.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The honest answer is that you just don't know. We are very discreet and we are lucky in that everyone we have met socially and otherwise is too.

My advice? Don't meet people from nearby, play in a neutral location and stop worrying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The honest answer is that you just don't know. We are very discreet and we are lucky in that everyone we have met socially and otherwise is too.

My advice? Don't meet people from nearby, play in a neutral location and stop worrying.

Fully agree with you.. x

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By *MaleMan
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/07/14 18:46:08]

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

If someone sees you in a club or at a party then just think of this - they're in the same place as you for the same reason!

The only way to be 100% sure is not to meet anyone. But at the end of the day most people view things the way you do, will maintain discretion and won't gossip.

But should the worst happen - it's someone's word against yours providing you sensibly run your profile and don't plaster your face over the internet. Maintain the ability of plausible deniability and you'll be fine!

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By *chillesHeel OP Couple
over a year ago

Somerset

Thanks for your reply guys! Totally sensible answers!!! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I myself was.out this morning with my children,mother and nana and a bloke I had met a few nights ago (who after meeting I told him I didn't want to meet again) walked up behind me grabbed my chest and said when's our next fuck you dirty slut... I turned in shock and slapped him and said some horrible things in a text when I tried to explain to my Nana that he must of mistaken me for someone else ... I was totally disgusted and embarrassed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're SW based too and would be completely discreet. You would be able to determine that simply by talking with us and gauging that we are indeed respectful and friendly people. If we ever met you on the street we'd either blank you or treat you like friends, depending upon your preference.

We have absolutely no problem with swinging, see nothing wrong in it, but accept that society does not see it in the same way...so we would always respect people's privacy and keep stumm.

One couple from London sent us face pics and it turned out that we recognised them from 15 years ago...so I don't think distance matters one jot. It's more about the calibre of people you chose to play with. I immediately wrote back to that couple and said we recognised them, conveyed my respect for them and that we didn't think any lesser of them...in fact we thought they were pretty cool...gave them the option to block us if they wished...and explained that their secret was safe with us.

It's not people recognising you that's the problem...it's what they do about it

All the best

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I myself was.out this morning with my children,mother and nana and a bloke I had met a few nights ago (who after meeting I told him I didn't want to meet again) walked up behind me grabbed my chest and said when's our next fuck you dirty slut... I turned in shock and slapped him and said some horrible things in a text when I tried to explain to my Nana that he must of mistaken me for someone else ... I was totally disgusted and embarrassed "

What an utter fool that man is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You will probably find that a few local people don't go to local clubs. So the further afield you go, the more chance you will meet people from your area

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OMG that's terrible. Glad you sorted it with your Nana

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By *chillesHeel OP Couple
over a year ago

Somerset

Thanks again all!

What a terrible story!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What kind of human being would act like that!! What a complete and utter piece of turd bad enough if you was on your own but with family should have sent a swift knee to la balls!!!

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

That is an awful story, what an idiot.

As said above, there is really no guarantee of discretion, you just have to have a bit of trust in other people, your selection process and your own judgement when you meet said people. If it doesn't feel like those people are discreet, and that's a concern, you are best to walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a creep! Sorry to hear what happened. You should of kicked him in his balls!

Like what most posted on here say I expect there is understanding between both parties in being discrete.

There is a CPL that I met a few months ago who lives less than a few miles away. It happens that we probably over 50 mutual friends. Kind of scary but like I always expect and give discreition.

And this is from a guy who looks for cpls in vanilla holiday bars where I know the bar staff and clients there. Just got to use common sense and good judgement.

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By *eddonistikMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"You will probably find that a few local people don't go to local clubs. So the further afield you go, the more chance you will meet people from your area

Very true, I'm originally from a town some 45 miles from Manchester and I still go up there a couple times a month with regard to my business. The other month I met someone at a thing related to the sex industry who I knew from my home town. He'd come to Manchester because he thought no one would recognise him. I could only assure him of my discretion. A few weeks ago I saw him and his wife at an event I was running in my home town, I said hello to them as I normally would, told them they were going to see a great show and moved onto other members of the audience.

As someone else as said it depends how people react who know you, most won't want want it known they're swingers. I'm pretty open about my life and lifestyle, if someone asked are you a swinger I'd probably answer yes. If they asked me do you know if 'John Smith' is a swinger I'd say not a clue. If I saw someone away from the scene who I'd met I wouldn't even acknowledge them unless they approached me first.

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By *dventuroususCouple
over a year ago

sunderland

Not only is he an absolute arsehole and totally out of order for doing that, what he did is assault, possibly sexual assault.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was absolutely mortified. I just wanted to go home and cry. I didn't even think the kick him my natural instinct was to swing my arm around.

I did name and shame him but received a message warning to remove it From admin

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By *orflondonerMan
over a year ago

Wood Green

Bumped into a bloke from my local area/pub at a club(which is near us both) the other week.he was with his wife,She was ok about it,but i could see he was a bit bothered.I think i reassured them,hope i did anyway.I would never embarrass anyone away from the lifestyle.That's a despicable thing to do.

To be honest,i live so near to the club,surprised it hasn't happened before

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By *orflondonerMan
over a year ago

Wood Green

"I was absolutely mortified. I just wanted to go home and cry. I didn't even think the kick him my natural instinct was to swing my arm around.

I did name and shame him but received a message warning to remove it From admin

What you described must have been awful.What a grade 1 arsehole x

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