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Dom / Sub

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By *ickey and Minnie OP   Couple
over a year ago

South of Bath

Hi guys

Can a Dom / Sub relationship work if you are only getting together infrequenty? Once a month say?

I (mickey) have permission to play alone by Minnie and think I have found a stunning lady who is interested in being my sub?

As my question says, can this work properly if we aren't seeing each other regularly?

Also it will be a learning experience for both of us and not done a great deal of this before.

Any pointers greatfully received

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By *ickey and Minnie OP   Couple
over a year ago

South of Bath

anybody?

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough

Yes.

The only two people it needs to work for are you and her. Meet once a month, you boss her around, tie her up, call her names, beat and abuse her etc etc. Fine.

She wants a D/s relationship? Your going to need to be in her life ongoing. Communication is the key lol She is going to want to feel your control, how will that work for the two of you? And what of your partner? One night a month, no prob but if your regularly chatting and enjoying a relationship that might feel odd?

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By *ickey and Minnie OP   Couple
over a year ago

South of Bath

Thanks for your input guys, hopefully over time Minnie will also become part of the Dom thing.

I think we will just play it by ear and keep communicating between the 3 of us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It really depends what you are both looking for in relation to D/s and what you get your kick from. You can totally dominate someone without being physically with them. You can set tasks by email etc and keep tally of errors and failures for the times you do meet and issue punishment if thats your thing.

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

If you have permission to play, go play!

What I would say though is that D/S isn't a regular relationship. If you are expecting your new found sub to just enjoy having whatever it is you do to her on whatever chosen day. You can be pretty assured it wont work like that.

Simply because of the trust that is needed to engage in the play that will happen you will have to put the work in both before and after meeting (not least during).

If you already have a partner, there could well be feet feeling like they are getting stepped on as there will be a lot of communication between you and the submissive.

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville


"It really depends what you are both looking for in relation to D/s and what you get your kick from. You can totally dominate someone without being physically with them. You can set tasks by email etc and keep tally of errors and failures for the times you do meet and issue punishment if thats your thing. "

pah - such a ridiculous was to approach D/S. I can understand it maybe in this scenario but the weight ad consequence that is put on one person to perform, without outcome for the person giving it, really gets my back up.

It should not even be considered imho

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By *ickey and Minnie OP   Couple
over a year ago

South of Bath

Thanks again everyone

As I have said this is very new for all 3 of us so think we will just see how things progress at the moment and play the D/s roles when we get together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do what you all want. Make it work your way. There are no rules to adhere to. You will be experiencing it,do what you like doing. Be the owners of your own lives

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By *ickey and Minnie OP   Couple
over a year ago

South of Bath


"Do what you all want. Make it work your way. There are no rules to adhere to. You will be experiencing it,do what you like doing. Be the owners of your own lives "

Thankyou

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville


"Do what you all want. Make it work your way. There are no rules to adhere to. You will be experiencing it,do what you like doing. Be the owners of your own lives "

Subs love abuse and not have anyone to fall back on. Yeah! Great idea there! Go for it!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For a D/S relationship to work you need to be inside your subs head virtually 24/7. It as mental thing so much more than a physical thing. That is where true control comes from.

It can work even if your physical contact is infrequent but as you say you are inexperienced in this then I can only say good luck to you...I would normally think it would work more easily for someone who is well experienced rather than, as you say, learning the ropes....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

pah - such a ridiculous was to approach D/S. I can understand it maybe in this scenario but the weight ad consequence that is put on one person to perform, without outcome for the person giving it, really gets my back up.

It should not even be considered imho"

No two D/s relationships are the same; everyone has different needs, wants etc. Not all subs are into pain and abuse; for some its more humiliation and mind games. There has to be total trust and honesty; tasks are a way of D gauging boundaries and limits ie. find 6 pics that are something you would like to do that would please me; its a way of getting into the subs mind. When full trust is achieved and a sub fully submits there is a lot of control from daily contact without physically meeting. A true sub will do exactly as Dom says including how they dress, whether they are allowed to masturbate etc. and it will not matter that the Dom is not their the sub will still know he/she is pleasing Dom and will get rewarded for it. A certain trilogy of books seems to have bought about a new generation of people who seem to think all there is to D/s is tying a girl up and attacking her arse while she calls him Sir. Sadly people can and are getting seriously hurt physically and mentally this way. Best way to learn to be a good Dom is by being someone's sub first so you totally understand the mindset and effects.

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By *ILLY aka SirslagWoman
over a year ago

Land of the Prince Bishops


"Hi guys

Can a Dom / Sub relationship work if you are only getting together infrequenty? Once a month say?

I (mickey) have permission to play alone by Minnie and think I have found a stunning lady who is interested in being my sub?

As my question says, can this work properly if we aren't seeing each other regularly?

Also it will be a learning experience for both of us and not done a great deal of this before.

Any pointers greatfully received "
ive been involved in a D/s relationship for nearly six yrs now hes from York and single and im in Durham and married hub doesn't know and we see each other for meets every six to eight weeks approx we met about three yrs before either of us joined fab it works for us so good luck and enjoy xx

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By *ickey and Minnie OP   Couple
over a year ago

South of Bath


"Hi guys

Can a Dom / Sub relationship work if you are only getting together infrequenty? Once a month say?

I (mickey) have permission to play alone by Minnie and think I have found a stunning lady who is interested in being my sub?

As my question says, can this work properly if we aren't seeing each other regularly?

Also it will be a learning experience for both of us and not done a great deal of this before.

Any pointers greatfully received ive been involved in a D/s relationship for nearly six yrs now hes from York and single and im in Durham and married hub doesn't know and we see each other for meets every six to eight weeks approx we met about three yrs before either of us joined fab it works for us so good luck and enjoy xx"

Thans, that's very useful to know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

pah - such a ridiculous was to approach D/S. I can understand it maybe in this scenario but the weight ad consequence that is put on one person to perform, without outcome for the person giving it, really gets my back up.

It should not even be considered imho

No two D/s relationships are the same; everyone has different needs, wants etc. Not all subs are into pain and abuse; for some its more humiliation and mind games. There has to be total trust and honesty; tasks are a way of D gauging boundaries and limits ie. find 6 pics that are something you would like to do that would please me; its a way of getting into the subs mind. When full trust is achieved and a sub fully submits there is a lot of control from daily contact without physically meeting. A true sub will do exactly as Dom says including how they dress, whether they are allowed to masturbate etc. and it will not matter that the Dom is not their the sub will still know he/she is pleasing Dom and will get rewarded for it. A certain trilogy of books seems to have bought about a new generation of people who seem to think all there is to D/s is tying a girl up and attacking her arse while she calls him Sir. Sadly people can and are getting seriously hurt physically and mentally this way. Best way to learn to be a good Dom is by being someone's sub first so you totally understand the mindset and effects."

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville


"

pah - such a ridiculous was to approach D/S. I can understand it maybe in this scenario but the weight ad consequence that is put on one person to perform, without outcome for the person giving it, really gets my back up.

It should not even be considered imho

No two D/s relationships are the same; everyone has different needs, wants etc. Not all subs are into pain and abuse; for some its more humiliation and mind games. There has to be total trust and honesty; tasks are a way of D gauging boundaries and limits ie. find 6 pics that are something you would like to do that would please me; its a way of getting into the subs mind. When full trust is achieved and a sub fully submits there is a lot of control from daily contact without physically meeting. A true sub will do exactly as Dom says including how they dress, whether they are allowed to masturbate etc. and it will not matter that the Dom is not their the sub will still know he/she is pleasing Dom and will get rewarded for it. A certain trilogy of books seems to have bought about a new generation of people who seem to think all there is to D/s is tying a girl up and attacking her arse while she calls him Sir. Sadly people can and are getting seriously hurt physically and mentally this way. Best way to learn to be a good Dom is by being someone's sub first so you totally understand the mindset and effects."

and again.. online, no-contact d/s the weight of any act is on the submissive.

There is no relationship as there is no responsibility. They are merely pen pals getting kicks until something one of them isn't prepared for happens.

No two relationships are the same, but it's not a relationship. The only thing it is genuinely good for, is harm and certain exploitation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just where did I say "all online"? I was collared sub to same Master for 6 years; only met him in the flesh every 4 weeks but there was not a chance I would disobey him. Been with several other self proclaimed Doms who have met every other day and always ended up switching on them as they had no idea. Enjoyed switch so now have a few pets to play with. But an email out of the blue from original Master and I am a quivering wreck and even now would do anything he asked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Genuine question out of curiosity - how do people get into being a sub/dom? How would you go about starting out to try it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also certain people need to remember that not all D/s relationships are BDSM based

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville


"Also certain people need to remember that not all D/s relationships are BDSM based"

what part of DS does not fit into BDSM LOL?

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville


"Just where did I say "all online"? I was collared sub to same Master for 6 years; only met him in the flesh every 4 weeks but there was not a chance I would disobey him. Been with several other self proclaimed Doms who have met every other day and always ended up switching on them as they had no idea. Enjoyed switch so now have a few pets to play with. But an email out of the blue from original Master and I am a quivering wreck and even now would do anything he asked."

so you can understand what I am saying about people having expecting everything - yet having no responsibility!

why try making a point when you dont disagree with what I am saying?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Genuine question out of curiosity - how do people get into being a sub/dom? How would you go about starting out to try it? "

Well...Do you like being dominated? Or to dominate? Do you like a being under someone's power? Or do you enjoy having the power? Are you commanding in the bedroom or are you a bitch and take commands?

You can easily start these up, role play some scenarios and find out for yourself. I hope you find what you are looking for . It's a fun journey.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Genuine question out of curiosity - how do people get into being a sub/dom? How would you go about starting out to try it?

Well...Do you like being dominated? Or to dominate? Do you like a being under someone's power? Or do you enjoy having the power? Are you commanding in the bedroom or are you a bitch and take commands?

You can easily start these up, role play some scenarios and find out for yourself. I hope you find what you are looking for . It's a fun journey."

But most importantly... You already know the answer, listen to your gut

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Also certain people need to remember that not all D/s relationships are BDSM based

what part of DS does not fit into BDSM LOL? "

I make a guy go into a lingerie shop; try on ladies underwear and make a purchase for himself asking the cashier if she thinks they will suit him. Where does that fit into BDSM but it is still D/s. I have a guy on the point of tears by humiliating him about the size, shape, performance of his cock - no BDSM in that but still D/s. The guy with fascination about my stockings who is made to wear them under his suit to work? not BDSM again but still D/s. Having a guy watch me fuck another guy while telling him why the other guy is so much better than him then making him clean up both parties again no BDSM but still D/s. See where this is going yet? Yes D/s and BDSM often do go together but certainly NOT always. Total control of a subs mind and body does not have to involve Bondage, physical Discipline or Sado Masecism.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

AND (just because you have seriously pissed me off Mr C) further examples of D/s play that are NOT BDSM ....

nursery play

foot worship

orgasm denial

forced cross dressing

Anal play with toys / strap on

Blindfolding a guy and putting in ear plugs and teasing him with toys ice etc ... Cant find that in BDSM either but still D/s

Taking a guy to a group meet and only allowing him to watch D/s not BDSM

Loaning a sub to another Mistress for her sexual pleasure D/s not BDSM

There is a hint in my username

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"AND (just because you have seriously pissed me off Mr C) further examples of D/s play that are NOT BDSM ....

nursery play

foot worship

orgasm denial

forced cross dressing

Anal play with toys / strap on

Blindfolding a guy and putting in ear plugs and teasing him with toys ice etc ... Cant find that in BDSM either but still D/s

Taking a guy to a group meet and only allowing him to watch D/s not BDSM

Loaning a sub to another Mistress for her sexual pleasure D/s not BDSM

There is a hint in my username

"

KK you really need to learn what BDSM is:

Bondage and Discipline

Domination and Submission

Sadism and Masochism

IE it is BD, DS, SM.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Also certain people need to remember that not all D/s relationships are BDSM based

what part of DS does not fit into BDSM LOL?

I make a guy go into a lingerie shop; try on ladies underwear and make a purchase for himself asking the cashier if she thinks they will suit him. Where does that fit into BDSM but it is still D/s. I have a guy on the point of tears by humiliating him about the size, shape, performance of his cock - no BDSM in that but still D/s. The guy with fascination about my stockings who is made to wear them under his suit to work? not BDSM again but still D/s. Having a guy watch me fuck another guy while telling him why the other guy is so much better than him then making him clean up both parties again no BDSM but still D/s. See where this is going yet? Yes D/s and BDSM often do go together but certainly NOT always. Total control of a subs mind and body does not have to involve Bondage, physical Discipline or Sado Masecism. "

i am aware that some people can receive great sexual gratification from a humiliating experience, that's ok.

you claim, in the comment you posted, that you have had a guy on the brink of 'tears'. i infer that the guy did not receive any gratification from the humiliating act he was subjected to. forgive my ignorance, but why would you subject him to that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because it was a fantasy that he had and he received pleasure afterwards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

KK you really need to learn what BDSM is:

Bondage and Discipline

Domination and Submission

Sadism and Masochism

IE it is BD, DS, SM."

If this were true it would be BDDSSM the Discipline and Submission have been added by people who confuse the two.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Because it was a fantasy that he had and he received pleasure afterwards."

lol, if he liked it, i thought he would experience pleasure during the humiliating act rather than afterwards.

the main thing is that he enjoyed it, eventually, and that's ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"AND (just because you have seriously pissed me off Mr C) further examples of D/s play that are NOT BDSM ....

nursery play

foot worship

orgasm denial

forced cross dressing

Anal play with toys / strap on

Blindfolding a guy and putting in ear plugs and teasing him with toys ice etc ... Cant find that in BDSM either but still D/s

Taking a guy to a group meet and only allowing him to watch D/s not BDSM

Loaning a sub to another Mistress for her sexual pleasure D/s not BDSM

There is a hint in my username

"

your list contains many forms of sexual humiliation. i am curious, which one do you prefer and why?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For some people the type of D/s relationship the OP describes can work, for a while. It depends on the amount of contact that can be maintained between play meets. For others, because of the obvious limitations involved, it's more a situation of Top/bottom play than D/s play. Make it what you both want, and enjoy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

KK you really need to learn what BDSM is:

Bondage and Discipline

Domination and Submission

Sadism and Masochism

IE it is BD, DS, SM.

If this were true it would be BDDSSM the Discipline and Submission have been added by people who confuse the two. "

The explanation given by him is exactly as it was explained to me, as well. I've not had much play experience because I'm so damn picky but I've been talking to people on the scene for 20 years, off an on.

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By *ickey and Minnie OP   Couple
over a year ago

South of Bath

THanks everybody

some good advice and also some ideas

Because there is 3 of us involved we will all chat together and take it step by step learning as we Go

I'm sure it will be fun whatever path it takes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For clarity there has to be D/s in BDSM but there does not have to be BDSM in D/s

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

KK you really need to learn what BDSM is:

Bondage and Discipline

Domination and Submission

Sadism and Masochism

IE it is BD, DS, SM.

If this were true it would be BDDSSM the Discipline and Submission have been added by people who confuse the two. "

The acronym incorporates the three pairings, without repeating the additional DS.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

KK you really need to learn what BDSM is:

Bondage and Discipline

Domination and Submission

Sadism and Masochism

IE it is BD, DS, SM.

If this were true it would be BDDSSM the Discipline and Submission have been added by people who confuse the two.

The explanation given by him is exactly as it was explained to me, as well. I've not had much play experience because I'm so damn picky but I've been talking to people on the scene for 20 years, off an on. "

Her

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