FabSwingers.com forum: Is jealousy healthy ?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Is a certain amount of jealousy healthy in a relationship or is jealousy simply bred by insecurity ? Never been an issue with us but sometimes wonder if we have an emotion missing somehow.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If insecurity has crept in, its not always the insecure ones fault.

If people are given reason to be insecure or jelouse, it has come from somewhere, sometimes men accuse woman of it.

Well they was not born that way, sometimes peoples actions make all the above come out.

Her

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great question , especially on a site like this !

A certain amount is good , or the impression you give your partner is that you simply don't give a shit .

However it depends on the issues one gets jealous about .

If it transcends into a deep rooted , painful feeling of angst in the sense of knowing your partner prefers the company of another , there are going to be issues .

But if you know your love for each other is stronger than the temporary release which is gained from NSA sex with another , no problem at all .

So it depends on the love you have for each other , and how much you trust that feeling .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aisy2012Couple
over a year ago

everywhere

"Great question , especially on a site like this !

A certain amount is good , or the impression you give your partner is that you simply don't give a shit .

However it depends on the issues one gets jealous about .

If it transcends into a deep rooted , painful feeling of angst in the sense of knowing your partner prefers the company of another , there are going to be issues .

But if you know your love for each other is stronger than the temporary release which is gained from NSA sex with another , no problem at all .

So it depends on the love you have for each other , and how much you trust that feeling .

Spot on. When Sexy flies solo with guys there's always that little worm of doubt " is he better in bed/ is he better looking/more intelligent/richer?" (Shallow, I know) I would seriously question my feelings for her if I didn't have these worries. Quick mental kick in the balls soon sorts me out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feeling jealous is a natural feeling. Let it eat at you and turn into the green eyed monster is another thing. I know I feel jealous from time to time. I recognise the feeling, name it and then do my best to let go.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Feeling jealous is a natural feeling. Let it eat at you and turn into the green eyed monster is another thing. I know I feel jealous from time to time. I recognise the feeling, name it and then do my best to let go."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow these answers are deep and thought provoking. I'm jealous I didn't think of it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

jealousy can eat away at some folk,like a cancer,festering untill it suddeny explodes into fits of rage,insecurities and feelings of inadequacey,so, to answer your question,no,i dont think it is healthy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not healthy at all, if there is jealousy there is doubt, this leads to arguments then all goes tits up. To enter into swinging i think one must be confident in themselves and have the trust of their partner and visa versa. I was in MM relationship and we both met other swingers, though it never worked for him, I continued with his blessing, but only for a month then i stopped however we eventually split up after 20 years.

Even though I cant blame swinging I can say it never helped, our social life changed we was invited to social meets as a couple but never went to sex meets again . We met some great people but he was insecure. Never looked back though i have a great time now. And we are still mates maybe one day we will discuss it..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There should be no jelousy in swinging, the whole thing with your partner or whoever your with should be a turn on, unless there is something your seeing you don't like.

Her

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's nothing wrong with a bit of jealousy, I think it's healthy and can add excitement to a relationship. But we are all different and it depends on how extreme the emotion is. We as a couple get off on it and feel that if we don't at least feel a twinge of jealousy when our partner is doing what is let's face it the most intimate thing people can do together then we should stop. But as has been pointed out to us is that we are a sort of cuckold couple and maybe that puts us in a different bracket perhaps. I do realise that it can be very negative too, it can cause anger and relationships to break up. At the end of the day you need to communicate with each other and be honest. If you feel no jealousy and you enjoy yourself all well and good, that doesn't mean there's an emotion missing, it just means that people are all different and I doubt thats a surprise to anyone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A little jealousy is good in our relationship. Shows we still find the other attractive and want them. We couldn't imagine our relationship without it. It works for us.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A little jealousy is good in our relationship. Shows we still find the other attractive and want them. We couldn't imagine our relationship without it. It works for us.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends on the reason for the jealousy. For instance, if the person you're with is paying attention to someone else in a way that should be directed at you then I don't think that is jealousy, I feel that is something to be within your rights to be angry or upset about. If they are simply talking to someone and you get angry or upset then that's unjustified IMO.

Some people see a small amount of jealousy as a sign of you caring, I have never found it helpful, if you care/love that person, then show them in a healthy way.

xSx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never had a jealous thought in my life but I seem to attract my complete opposite every gf and now even regular women I have met on fabs, I don't understand it at all but been on the receiving end of jealous rages too many times.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uv2danceWoman
over a year ago

yate

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow great thread! This is an issue which fascinates me so thx for the insight everyone

I hadn't actually realised that jealousy is something different from envy. Looking it up on wiki it seems to involve a complex mix of anxiety, fear, and insecurity over an anticipated loss...things which I wouldn't have attributed to envy. I guess this suggests that it's pretty deeply rooted in our dna...and yet some feel it more than others. Is it therefore something we can outwit, something un-natural to be overcome, or is it something inevitable that we just need to weather through?

I wonder if it's connected to superstitious thinking i.e. that it's envy but set in a future world which you fatalistically believe may be about to happen...ouch!

My wife and I are fortunate in that we've never toyed around with jealousy issues, seeing if we can rile each other by laying traps, etc. I tend to feel that some couples milk the whole jealousy thing whilst others dissipate it like we do. It will be interesting to see what happens to us when we start swinging though. Theoretically as long as we're both getting the same out of it jealousy shouldn't creep in...but perhaps that's too simplistic a way of looking at it...and the practicality might be a lot more slippery and new to deal with. Very interesting thinking about it guys thx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

jealousy killed my last relationship stone dead .. so be careful out there guys

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"jealousy killed my last relationship stone dead .. so be careful out there guys"

Why? What did she do?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

i ll not say in a public forum .. just be careful and try not to over react on either side

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

people who lack confidence are more likely to be jealous. my older sister never liked it when my brother used to bring his girlfriends home and used to be nasty to them for no good reason.

she never got married.

the most spiteful ones are those who dont admit they are jealous, so they dont think there is any thing wrong with treating people badly.

its only human nature to feel a bit jealous sometimes though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Is a certain amount of jealousy healthy in a relationship or is jealousy simply bred by insecurity ? Never been an issue with us but sometimes wonder if we have an emotion missing somehow."

jealousy is never healthy it's a sign of either one person being dishonest or one person being insecure and possibly both. No one who has any jealousy or insecurity issue should contemplate swinging with a partner in my opinion these things should be discussed and resolved before you embark not after.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people need to not play one off against the other. It backfires and the biter gets bitten. Be careful who you talk to and meet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jealousy is a natural human emotion that exists for a reason. Too much can be a bad thing. Some people get off on jealously and it drives their passion for their lover.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Jealousy is a natural human emotion that exists for a reason. Too much can be a bad thing. Some people get off on jealously and it drives their passion for their lover."

What's the reason for jealousy? I have read how jealousy features in cuckold relationships, do you mean like that?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andWCouple
over a year ago

Pontypridd

We actually had a conversation about this last night, as a couple during swinging we don't feel jealousy at all, we simply share excitement about it together, however in 'normal' couple life we are both quite jealous people.

We came to the conclusion here everyone is here to share the same fun, and good times, and we don't feel threatened, in our day to day life though, we can feel threatened by others. It's late, I'm knackered am I making any sense lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

jealousy isn't healthy from a health and psychology point, scientifically. Give it up and enjoy life

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the reason for jealousy? "

I'm not a psychologist but I think it's about strengthening family bonds to help crate a stable environment for children.

I've known people that are incredibly insecure in their relationships and get jealous over the tiniest thing. I've heard stories from swingers that are totally fine with other sexual partners but jealous about intimacy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the reason for jealousy?

I'm not a psychologist but I think it's about strengthening family bonds to help crate a stable environment for children.

I've said it before on here...but I think there's a lot of underlying control that can go on in the way people think of their partners. I would suggest that the evolutionary impetus for controlling your partner, on the part of the male, can be seen in nature in the way the male stud see's off his competitors. The male selects a mate and then seeks to own and control her. Perhaps it is this which leads men to feel 'jealousy'...not actually for their partner...but for the other man who is enjoying her? I'm just grasping at straws here...but I think it's a more plausible answer than creating a stable environment for kids. In nature the need for control is there so that the male can ensure his seed is the one which leads to the next crop of babies and not some other males. Of course...this all depends upon whether you believe what David Attenbrough has to say on why animals do whatever they do...which I personally consider to be almost the summit of pseudo-science. Lol I'm fast talking myself out of this one...but it was a fun series of thoughts

Just to be clear...I believe couples should work at making sure there is no controlling aspects in their relationship...and, on that note...if we we're ever in a situation where we we're about to swing with a couple and it became clear that they enjoyed making each other jealous...we'd walk away in a heart beat.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What's the reason for jealousy?

I'm not a psychologist but I think it's about strengthening family bonds to help crate a stable environment for children.

We're totally fine about sexual partners I wouldn't say we're jealous about intimacy but intimacy is our relationship and not shared with anyone else by mutual agreement.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *exsibonCouple
over a year ago

Winchester and Brussels

"Is a certain amount of jealousy healthy in a relationship or is jealousy simply bred by insecurity ? Never been an issue with us but sometimes wonder if we have an emotion missing somehow.

A very succinct comment which absolutely hits the nail on the head with regards to jealousy and swinging in my opinion.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"Is a certain amount of jealousy healthy in a relationship or is jealousy simply bred by insecurity ? Never been an issue with us but sometimes wonder if we have an emotion missing somehow."

No. Jealousy is a destructive emotion. No good ever comes of it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No jealousy is "healthy", not even a little bit. It's a hard emotion to keep control of & if out of control can lead to stalking & even murder. Just look at news. Jealousy killings happen quite often.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are all made differently and some people are more possessive and jealous than other regardless if they are in a very strong loving marriage or partnership.

To both fully enjoy swinging you need to be in a very strong and open relationship where you both enjoy sharing one another with others seeing the sexual pleasure you both get.

It takes a special couple to fully embrace swinging where it enhances your sex life.

It is usually a purely physical thing but if you are genuinely polyamorous it can be an emotional bond too with a very special playmate.

Many will disagree with that last point but for me it can take a 3sum to a different level xx Jim

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We actually had a conversation about this last night, as a couple during swinging we don't feel jealousy at all, we simply share excitement about it together, however in 'normal' couple life we are both quite jealous people.

That makes a lot of sense we have no jealousy issues when 'swinging' in fact it is quite the opposite i feel extremely turned on watching her having sex with another man but if I came home and found her in bed with another man then I think the green eyed monster would definatly show its face,so its all about trust,consent and communication

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No jealousy is "healthy", not even a little bit. It's a hard emotion to keep control of & if out of control can lead to stalking & even murder. Just look at news. Jealousy killings happen quite often."

I tend to agree with you. Jealousy can evolve and destroy a relationship although most loving caring couples would address the issue and not let it get out of hand or decide to stop swinging.

In most cases you need to have a strong relationship with little jealousy to fully enjoy swinging.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Polyamoury is a completely different kettle of fish as far as we are concerned .

If my wife wants to make liove with another man or woman , I find it extremely horny , watching her enjoy herself . And vice versa for her seeing me .

If however , either of us wanted to share our whole existence with someone else , that would create a whole heap of emotions , of which jealousy would definately be the major one .

So , in the sense of sex , no jealousy at all ... Flirting , kissing in front of each other - horny . But wishing to spend time watching TV , meals , going to the cinema , etc..... No way !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread