FabSwingers.com forum: Newbie needs help

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi ,

I (AJ) am totally new to swinging, never been with a lady and never had any experience like this. What I want to know is how do you get over that initial anxiety about seeing your man with someone else?

At the moment not having done anything like this, the thought fills me with fear, I know it's all for fun and so forth and Lenny and I have a strong relationship, but I am fearful....not only of making mistakes due to inexperience but of how I will react when seeing him with someone else.....

Has anyone got any tips or advice as to how I get past it? Lenny is so very open and honest and wants me to seek a lady and so on, but the thoughts of him with another lady is what I can't get past...help please! How did you other ladies do it? Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi ,

i would advise be friends with them first, small steps, and don't do anything you're not ready for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Suggest you do some social meetings first & also try soft swing with another couple instead of straight into swapping. How is he with the idea of you with another man ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

He wants me to, says the thought of seeing me with another male turns him on x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do YOU want fun with another lady ?

Not for your man, for YOU ?

Not to please him, to please YOU ?

Are you happy to swing ?

How would your man feel about seeing you with another man ?

Would either party call it a day if the other were unhappy ?

This is not about 1 wanting it and the other 1 going along with it, it is about what you BOTH want.

If it isn't what you both want, it will potentially break you rather than make you.

Experienced couples (and singles) will pick up on someone being uncomfy / unhappy.

I, personally, would say (based on this op alone) that you need to sort out the emotional barriers b4 you take any more steps.

Good Luck either way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do YOU want fun with another lady ?

Not for your man, for YOU ?

Not to please him, to please YOU ?

Are you happy to swing ?

How would your man feel about seeing you with another man ?

Would either party call it a day if the other were unhappy ?

This is not about 1 wanting it and the other 1 going along with it, it is about what you BOTH want.

If it isn't what you both want, it will potentially break you rather than make you.

Experienced couples (and singles) will pick up on someone being uncomfy / unhappy.

I, personally, would say (based on this op alone) that you need to sort out the emotional barriers b4 you take any more steps.

Good Luck either way

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanku, sound advice x

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By *inkyfun2013Couple
over a year ago

lewisham

You aren't ready.

Before you take this huge step you need to think how much your relationship means to you and how much it means to your partner. If it's not the same you need to take a good look at your relationship.

For some of us swinging is fun, a turn-on and an extension of an already mutually exciting sex-life, but your post and your profile definitely don't give the impression that you're comfortable with it.

Sometimes fantasy really is better than reality.

And don't forget about the people you might end up meeting - is it fair to treat them like an experiment?

My advice is go to a few clubs, chat to lots of people and if you really, really feel ok with it, soft swing first. If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it! And if your partner doesn't understand your reluctance....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go to a club and don't play. Exhibitionism and voyeurism are both potentially easier introductions to swinging than a meet. And being around swingers can be reassuring too

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok, and where are the best clubs?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like you are definitely not ready to start swinging. You need to talk about it with your partner first. Not even knowing how to react if you see him with someone else screams to me that it is not for you. You do not want to find that you are uncomfortable sharing him when he's ball deep in some hot blonde. As for women - think about what you want donot be drawn into somebody elses fantasy unless it is yours too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds like you aren't ready yet. Go to a club and watch, or at the very most look for soft swing and make some boundaries before you even entertain it. What would you feel comfortable doing, seeing, have done to you?... Would you give oral to another woman or guy? Would you like another man or a woman performing oral, would you like to see him perform oral or having him perform oral on another fem? Talk things through and don't rush to any decisions you aren't happy with just because he wants it.

Good luck to you. And remember it is your choice too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You really not sound ready to me either. It has to be something you want to do not just to please your OH. It could kill your relationship rather than enhance it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It sounds like you aren't ready yet. Go to a club and watch, or at the very most look for soft swing and make some boundaries before you even entertain it. What would you feel comfortable doing, seeing, have done to you?... Would you give oral to another woman or guy? Would you like another man or a woman performing oral, would you like to see him perform oral or having him perform oral on another fem? Talk things through and don't rush to any decisions you aren't happy with just because he wants it.

Good luck to you. And remember it is your choice too! "

As usual if some really needs help an advice this place will normally be right!

Following what most have said there is no rush ? You both have each other so take small steps always making sure you are having fun and comfy with what is happening ?

I've jumped in at the deep end and was lucky enough to have good people around to guide me ! Had fun but it would have been better if I had slowly introduced myself to the scene !

Hind sight lol

Just remember if its not fun you shouldn't be doing it !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *inkyfun2013Couple
over a year ago

lewisham

"Ok, and where are the best clubs?"

If you're in Bedford, you're very close to Vanilla Alternative. It's a great club, very clean and with friendly staff and clientele. There's no pressure to play but you can watch and be watched and see if that floats yours or your partners boat.

Check out the reviews on Fab and have a look at their website and the calendar of events. If you're not sure about any aspect, like what to wear or what happens, just give them a call, they're sure to offer advice.

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