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BDSM doesn't have to hurt (much)

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By *aster of a mind OP   Couple
over a year ago

York

I see loads of profiles with 'We don't do pain' or not into BDSM. Nearly every party we attend, I take my bag of tricks. it is a brilliant ice breaker and talking point. It always makes me laugh that by the end of the evening, even the most hardened anti BDSMer is bent over wanting to be flogged or try something else kinky. BDSM is not a swear word and it can be a lot of fun. Please believe me that nobody in the BDSM scene is going to drag you off and beat you to within an inch of your life....unless you forget your safeword....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh please drag me off and beat me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh please drag me off and beat me "

Can I go next please?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I have tried BDSM several times and do not enjoy it. I am glad you have had good results with your attempts to convert people but you would be wasting your time with me. Each to their own eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It shouldn't hurt - for what feels like pain is in fact both pleasure and reward.

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By *aster of a mind OP   Couple
over a year ago

York


"I have tried BDSM several times and do not enjoy it. I am glad you have had good results with your attempts to convert people but you would be wasting your time with me. Each to their own eh?"

Julia I am not trying to covert anyone, merely stating that 'some' people may imagine it to involve intense pain. A lot of BDSM is smoke and mirrors, sensual gentle flogging and sensory play can all be part of it. However, I accept it is not for everyone. It's a real shame when people have had a bed experience at the hands of a d*unk or inexperienced Dom/Domme. Having someone you trust try things out with you is very important.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My favourite misconception of BDSM is that its all about S/M. Whilst pain is a factor, there are many other parts. Rope for example, highly erotic and also under the umbrella of BDSM.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP your pic gallery is great.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

East Sussex

there will be misconceptions about BDSM because it's very difficult to get people to discuss it with you if you're not experienced..

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"I have tried BDSM several times and do not enjoy it. I am glad you have had good results with your attempts to convert people but you would be wasting your time with me. Each to their own eh?

Julia I am not trying to covert anyone, merely stating that 'some' people may imagine it to involve intense pain. A lot of BDSM is smoke and mirrors, sensual gentle flogging and sensory play can all be part of it. However, I accept it is not for everyone. It's a real shame when people have had a bed experience at the hands of a d*unk or inexperienced Dom/Domme. Having someone you trust try things out with you is very important."

I haven't had a bad experience, quite the opposite - the doms I met were professional, experienced, and discussed things with me from the start. I just don't get titillated by it, and prefer getting naked and having a good hard shag.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There doesnt have to be any pain if you remove the sm part. Just the bondage and domination can easily stimulate the biggest erogenous zone , the brain

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By *its_n_piecesCouple
over a year ago

the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

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By *aster of a mind OP   Couple
over a year ago

York


"I have tried BDSM several times and do not enjoy it. I am glad you have had good results with your attempts to convert people but you would be wasting your time with me. Each to their own eh?

Julia I am not trying to covert anyone, merely stating that 'some' people may imagine it to involve intense pain. A lot of BDSM is smoke and mirrors, sensual gentle flogging and sensory play can all be part of it. However, I accept it is not for everyone. It's a real shame when people have had a bed experience at the hands of a d*unk or inexperienced Dom/Domme. Having someone you trust try things out with you is very important.

I haven't had a bad experience, quite the opposite - the doms I met were professional, experienced, and discussed things with me from the start. I just don't get titillated by it, and prefer getting naked and having a good hard shag."

You can't beat a good hard shag..... unless the person you're shagging is all tied up I'm glad your experiences have not been bad ones

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves "

Right.....

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By *its_n_piecesCouple
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Right..... "

glad you agree

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves "

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Right.....

glad you agree "

Sadly, far from it.

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By *its_n_piecesCouple
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive. "

as it goes, thge term vanilla has been used in the bdsm community to describe non-bdsmers for nigh on 100 years. so lets re-cap then ... if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good

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By *aster of a mind OP   Couple
over a year ago

York


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive. "

Vanilla is used in BDSM too. for instance My slave and i are into the BD side and not SM....to serious SMers we are classed as vanilla BDSMers. Please don't see vanilla as a derogatory term. Anyway the purpose of the thread was merely to point out that some people write off BDSM before they have looked into it. At various parties we have attended, there has often been some interest to have a little harmless kinky play. As the title states, it really does not have to hurt

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

East Sussex

any term can be drogatory if that is the intent behind it

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

East Sussex


"any term can be drogatory if that is the intent behind it "

or even derogatory

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good "

^that's bollocks. I'm not a BDSM Pro by any means but I'm defo not Vanilla either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive. "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

East Sussex


"if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good

^that's bollocks. I'm not a BDSM Pro by any means but I'm defo not Vanilla either. "

what Master of mind was saying is that vanilla is a term used by BDSM people to describe non-BDSM people, it isn't meant as an insult. I imagine that the description vanilla to refer to anyone who had a "normal" whatever that is sex life came later.

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By *its_n_piecesCouple
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive.

Vanilla is used in BDSM too. for instance My slave and i are into the BD side and not SM....to serious SMers we are classed as vanilla BDSMers. Please don't see vanilla as a derogatory term. Anyway the purpose of the thread was merely to point out that some people write off BDSM before they have looked into it. At various parties we have attended, there has often been some interest to have a little harmless kinky play. As the title states, it really does not have to hurt "

agrees with the thread opening .... frequently it's a psychological thing not a physical thing

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Oh dear.

And we wonder why BDSM and kink have a bad name with some people.

This 'them' and 'us' is such bullshit.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

If you feel pain, you were not knocked out enough - even wine helps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm out, I'd hate to derail this thread with my vanilla ideas.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

East Sussex


"Oh dear.

And we wonder why BDSM and kink have a bad name with some people.

This 'them' and 'us' is such bullshit. "

to be fair it is only one poster this time. The op is good I think and very inclusive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good

^that's bollocks. I'm not a BDSM Pro by any means but I'm defo not Vanilla either.

what Master of mind was saying is that vanilla is a term used by BDSM people to describe non-BDSM people, it isn't meant as an insult. "

Thanks for answering someone else's comment and I didn't take it as insult..I'm just saying it's fucking bollocks.

I'm not hardcore BDSM, so by that logic I'm Vanilla ...which I'm definitely not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive.

as it goes, thge term vanilla has been used in the bdsm community to describe non-bdsmers for nigh on 100 years. so lets re-cap then ... if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good "

how bloody self righteous! And that's from a BDSMer. And people wonder why newbies don't want to get into kink when there are responses like that!!!

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By *aster of a mind OP   Couple
over a year ago

York

Maybe vanilla is just a term used to describe the people not into the things you are.

That would make me a vanilla, anal sexer & watersporter

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

this has came up before, i wrote it off when Dik&odom took over. . . . . .or was that smtv?. . . .

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

East Sussex


"if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good

^that's bollocks. I'm not a BDSM Pro by any means but I'm defo not Vanilla either.

what Master of mind was saying is that vanilla is a term used by BDSM people to describe non-BDSM people, it isn't meant as an insult.

Thanks for answering someone else's comment and I didn't take it as insult..I'm just saying it's fucking bollocks.

I'm not hardcore BDSM, so by that logic I'm Vanilla ...which I'm definitely not.

"

ok.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

East Sussex


"Maybe vanilla is just a term used to describe the people not into the things you are.

That would make me a vanilla, anal sexer & watersporter "

It seems to be the way its used on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive.

as it goes, thge term vanilla has been used in the bdsm community to describe non-bdsmers for nigh on 100 years. so lets re-cap then ... if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good "

Utter bollocks!

It's attitudes like that which scare people and fuel the misconceptions surrounding the BDSM/kink scene.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive.

as it goes, thge term vanilla has been used in the bdsm community to describe non-bdsmers for nigh on 100 years. so lets re-cap then ... if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good "

Putting a smiley face at the end doesn't make that statement sound any less arrogant, and that kind of arrogance is what keeps a lot of people like myself away from things like munches as I can't be arsed with the 'my kink is better than your kink' crowd

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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

one of the best scenes my self and lily had was when she was being abrat at an event to try to get me to spank her . i rightly refused to do this and just told her every transgretion would result in one stroke once we get home . she eventualy racked up twenty strokes drove home she was very fidgety and exited got in the house told to assume the position bent over knickers at ankles skirt up . at this point she was shaking with anticipation and visibily wet with exitment .that is when i ran one ringer accross her buttock stating loudly "one stroke " two strokes " at with point she went to bits . see its not all about pain it can be about the mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know, I enjoy a good discussion about BDSM and the different areas involved. Learning about other people's kinks and respecting them (whether they be edgy or not) and developing my own fetishes. What really grates on my tits are people who think its acceptable to be so up their own arses to say "our way or no way".

I hope this thread can go back to the way it started with people discussing BDSM.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Oh dear.

And we wonder why BDSM and kink have a bad name with some people.

This 'them' and 'us' is such bullshit.

to be fair it is only one poster this time. The op is good I think and very inclusive."

It strikes me as trying to persuade people to try things they aren't interested in.

Those interested in BDSM will seek it out. It's not for everyone, whether it hurts or not.

There's nothing actually wrong with having no interest in BDSM or with being vanilla.

There's always this notion of two sides with one sneering at the other and calling them boring and saying try it, you might like it, as if they can't believe not everyone feels like they do. Meanwhile the other side is calling the first side warped perverts and goodness knows what else.

Different strokes and all that.

BDSM vs. vanilla could be the new Jets and Sharks.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

East Sussex


"You know, I enjoy a good discussion about BDSM and the different areas involved. Learning about other people's kinks and respecting them (whether they be edgy or not) and developing my own fetishes. What really grates on my tits are people who think its acceptable to be so up their own arses to say "our way or no way".

I hope this thread can go back to the way it started with people discussing BDSM."

me too

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

we've dabbled a bit and it's been really positive - only with peeps we trust and it really doesn't have to hurt! Z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The OP started a good thread with one poster posting stupid/illogical comments and ruined it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

East Sussex

we have dabbled between ourselves and really enjoyed it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we've dabbled a bit and it's been really positive - only with peeps we trust and it really doesn't have to hurt! Z"

one of my favourite kink things to do is wax candles, its very very sensual and doesn't have to hurt and we often end it with a body massage on each other. Heavenly and helps us remember why life is worth living!!

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By *aster of a mind OP   Couple
over a year ago

York


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive.

as it goes, thge term vanilla has been used in the bdsm community to describe non-bdsmers for nigh on 100 years. so lets re-cap then ... if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good

Putting a smiley face at the end doesn't make that statement sound any less arrogant, and that kind of arrogance is what keeps a lot of people like myself away from things like munches as I can't be arsed with the 'my kink is better than your kink' crowd"

What a real shame, as the scene is nothing like what you describe. Go along to a munch and you will be very pleasantly surprised. In my experience the kink and Fet scenes are very accepting of everyone's various kinks/fetishes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll let Ruby describe my style of kink/fetish play as I'm not actually sure how it fits within any scene. I certainly wouldn't describe its as 'vanilla', it's just 'me'.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

East Sussex


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive.

as it goes, thge term vanilla has been used in the bdsm community to describe non-bdsmers for nigh on 100 years. so lets re-cap then ... if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good

Putting a smiley face at the end doesn't make that statement sound any less arrogant, and that kind of arrogance is what keeps a lot of people like myself away from things like munches as I can't be arsed with the 'my kink is better than your kink' crowd

What a real shame, as the scene is nothing like what you describe. Go along to a munch and you will be very pleasantly surprised. In my experience the kink and Fet scenes are very accepting of everyone's various kinks/fetishes."

How accepting are they of complete novices?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive.

as it goes, thge term vanilla has been used in the bdsm community to describe non-bdsmers for nigh on 100 years. so lets re-cap then ... if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good

Putting a smiley face at the end doesn't make that statement sound any less arrogant, and that kind of arrogance is what keeps a lot of people like myself away from things like munches as I can't be arsed with the 'my kink is better than your kink' crowd

What a real shame, as the scene is nothing like what you describe. Go along to a munch and you will be very pleasantly surprised. In my experience the kink and Fet scenes are very accepting of everyone's various kinks/fetishes.

How accepting are they of complete novices?"

Very!! Drop me a PM if you want to chat. I took to the Manchester kink scene in June 2013 and it was the best thing I ever did.

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By *exxifun5Couple
over a year ago

NORWICH

I must admit I love to be spanked and nipples clamped but have only allowed tom to do this as im not sure how much I could take from some one else .. bit the idea of some one else doing it and controlling me is extremely horny x tabitha x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

East Sussex


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive.

as it goes, thge term vanilla has been used in the bdsm community to describe non-bdsmers for nigh on 100 years. so lets re-cap then ... if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good

Putting a smiley face at the end doesn't make that statement sound any less arrogant, and that kind of arrogance is what keeps a lot of people like myself away from things like munches as I can't be arsed with the 'my kink is better than your kink' crowd

What a real shame, as the scene is nothing like what you describe. Go along to a munch and you will be very pleasantly surprised. In my experience the kink and Fet scenes are very accepting of everyone's various kinks/fetishes.

How accepting are they of complete novices?

Very!! Drop me a PM if you want to chat. I took to the Manchester kink scene in June 2013 and it was the best thing I ever did. "

thank you I might do that later on this week

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive.

as it goes, thge term vanilla has been used in the bdsm community to describe non-bdsmers for nigh on 100 years. so lets re-cap then ... if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good

Putting a smiley face at the end doesn't make that statement sound any less arrogant, and that kind of arrogance is what keeps a lot of people like myself away from things like munches as I can't be arsed with the 'my kink is better than your kink' crowd

What a real shame, as the scene is nothing like what you describe. Go along to a munch and you will be very pleasantly surprised. In my experience the kink and Fet scenes are very accepting of everyone's various kinks/fetishes.

How accepting are they of complete novices?

Very!! Drop me a PM if you want to chat. I took to the Manchester kink scene in June 2013 and it was the best thing I ever did. "

Other than meeting MrWho of course (she says hoping she won't be sleeping on the sofa tonight! I'm a masochist to a point!!)

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton


"we've dabbled a bit and it's been really positive - only with peeps we trust and it really doesn't have to hurt! Z

one of my favourite kink things to do is wax candles, its very very sensual and doesn't have to hurt and we often end it with a body massage on each other. Heavenly and helps us remember why life is worth living!! "

wax can be very sexy - i had a couple of very lovely experiences with Ellie at the Townhouse on the Wirral many years ago that were very erotic and didn't hurt at all - but it looked like it did! Z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive.

as it goes, thge term vanilla has been used in the bdsm community to describe non-bdsmers for nigh on 100 years. so lets re-cap then ... if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good

Putting a smiley face at the end doesn't make that statement sound any less arrogant, and that kind of arrogance is what keeps a lot of people like myself away from things like munches as I can't be arsed with the 'my kink is better than your kink' crowd

What a real shame, as the scene is nothing like what you describe. Go along to a munch and you will be very pleasantly surprised. In my experience the kink and Fet scenes are very accepting of everyone's various kinks/fetishes.

How accepting are they of complete novices?

Very!! Drop me a PM if you want to chat. I took to the Manchester kink scene in June 2013 and it was the best thing I ever did.

thank you I might do that later on this week "

No worries

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive.

as it goes, thge term vanilla has been used in the bdsm community to describe non-bdsmers for nigh on 100 years. so lets re-cap then ... if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good

Putting a smiley face at the end doesn't make that statement sound any less arrogant, and that kind of arrogance is what keeps a lot of people like myself away from things like munches as I can't be arsed with the 'my kink is better than your kink' crowd

What a real shame, as the scene is nothing like what you describe. Go along to a munch and you will be very pleasantly surprised. In my experience the kink and Fet scenes are very accepting of everyone's various kinks/fetishes.

How accepting are they of complete novices?

Very!! Drop me a PM if you want to chat. I took to the Manchester kink scene in June 2013 and it was the best thing I ever did.

Other than meeting MrWho of course (she says hoping she won't be sleeping on the sofa tonight! I'm a masochist to a point!!) "

Sleeping on the sofa, hog-tied with a ball gag!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"we've dabbled a bit and it's been really positive - only with peeps we trust and it really doesn't have to hurt! Z

one of my favourite kink things to do is wax candles, its very very sensual and doesn't have to hurt and we often end it with a body massage on each other. Heavenly and helps us remember why life is worth living!!

wax can be very sexy - i had a couple of very lovely experiences with Ellie at the Townhouse on the Wirral many years ago that were very erotic and didn't hurt at all - but it looked like it did! Z"

I bought us specialist wax candles. PM me if you want details of where from. They are amazing, and we can make the play edgy too!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive.

as it goes, thge term vanilla has been used in the bdsm community to describe non-bdsmers for nigh on 100 years. so lets re-cap then ... if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good

Putting a smiley face at the end doesn't make that statement sound any less arrogant, and that kind of arrogance is what keeps a lot of people like myself away from things like munches as I can't be arsed with the 'my kink is better than your kink' crowd

What a real shame, as the scene is nothing like what you describe. Go along to a munch and you will be very pleasantly surprised. In my experience the kink and Fet scenes are very accepting of everyone's various kinks/fetishes."

I know not all share that viewpoint, but it bugs me how many do...which is why I recently deleted my profile off a more kink related site, I got bored of it! Fortunately for me I've found a couple of kinky friends from here though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/04/14 23:10:06]

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By *aster of a mind OP   Couple
over a year ago

York


"

How accepting are they of complete novices?"

Everyone starts as a complete novice. people who are new to the scene should, just like swinging, go along to a (social)munch. in my experience the more experienced members of the scene are more than happy to show different things such as roping, flogging, electro, whips. There is never ever any pressure to play. No Dom is going to drag you off kicking and screaming. Alcohol is not encouraged at events where play is going on. there are of course idiots, just like anywhere in life. However we are all adults and one would hope you could suss them out quickly. there are a few events for beginners (BDSM 101) events. Maybe try it out and if you don't like it, you have not lost anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves

Just because someone is not into BDSM does not make them vanilla. Sexual turn ons are not a simple dichotomy. And to suggest they are is rather dismissive.

as it goes, thge term vanilla has been used in the bdsm community to describe non-bdsmers for nigh on 100 years. so lets re-cap then ... if someone is not into bdsm then they are vanilla .... got that? good

Putting a smiley face at the end doesn't make that statement sound any less arrogant, and that kind of arrogance is what keeps a lot of people like myself away from things like munches as I can't be arsed with the 'my kink is better than your kink' crowd

What a real shame, as the scene is nothing like what you describe. Go along to a munch and you will be very pleasantly surprised. In my experience the kink and Fet scenes are very accepting of everyone's various kinks/fetishes.

How accepting are they of complete novices?"

i can only speak from my own personal experience as a complete novice, but that scene is much the same as any other. there were some who were not nice, some who claimed to be something they weren't, and some who answered every silly, dinky, newbie question i came up with with patience and kindness and hhonesty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How accepting are they of complete novices?"

depends who you ask and where you go, there will always be elitists in both scenes just as you get people on here talking of real swingers and disregarding soft swap couples or people only after social meets. you will get people into kink with the same attitude toward others in the scene but that's human nature. people are wary of giving advice on here as it I often descends Into a slanging match with people who do and those who don't. also everyone plays differently and what works for some won't for others. if you genuinely ask for advice with a open Mind most are more than happy to offer some. In clubs some will be happy to teach you and show you others won't but as long as you respect the rules in a club you will have no problems the same as in a swingers club.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the bondage man do great wax play candles and cheap to

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By *nlyfun3Woman
over a year ago

NEAR Berkhamsted,Herts

i love someone exploring my mind and body. that to me is the essence of good BDSM. sometimes it involves pain. but this isnt nasty brutal uncontrolled pain. it is sensual heightened pleasure. if done right u dont hurt u shake with pleasure. it can be the use of words and deeds that make the experience a cerebral 1 that overcomes ur body more than 'just a fuck' can do. every meet is different whether BDSM or not. but making it a meeting of minds makes it for me whatever the meet a far more satisfying experience

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

everybody has to be a novice and a newby at everything when they start ...each persons pallette of desires fantasies and experiences is different and the adventure is exploring them and broadening them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im glad the thread has reverted back to the op's intention

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"everybody has to be a novice and a newby at everything when they start ...each persons pallette of desires fantasies and experiences is different and the adventure is exploring them and broadening them"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have the 'not into pain or BDSM' on our profile and that's because the statement is true and its not what we're looking for.

I realise it isn't all about intense pain but I am not nterested in any kind of pain or rough sex of any kind. I am also not interested in any balance of power games, so we don't indulge.

Good to hear you are having fun with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves "

Though ironically the elitest crap in this post was probably far more responsible for derailing the thread than anything posted before it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the vanillas have already started to de-rail this thread, just like they do with all the other threads that mention bdsm .... vanillas are a strange lot. we must protect them from themselves "

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By *otTheReal01Man
over a year ago

London


"one of the best scenes my self and lily had was when she was being abrat at an event to try to get me to spank her . i rightly refused to do this and just told her every transgretion would result in one stroke once we get home . she eventualy racked up twenty strokes drove home she was very fidgety and exited got in the house told to assume the position bent over knickers at ankles skirt up . at this point she was shaking with anticipation and visibily wet with exitment .that is when i ran one ringer accross her buttock stating loudly "one stroke " two strokes " at with point she went to bits . see its not all about pain it can be about the mind "

Haha! That's awesome. You're a bad man.

(takes notes)

Hopefully I might see some of you fellow kinksters at Antichrist this Friday. I haven't been before but it should be great fun! Let me know if you're going and want to chat.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I guess until you have experienced it at the hands of someone who knows what they are doing it can be a terrible experience, its not about being ragged round the room or spanked like a naughty child, it is much more than that but you need the right person to show you the way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread has done a lot for me. I now believe that (some!) BDSM type people are more inclusive and friendly than I previously thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

This thread has done a lot for me. I now believe that (some!) BDSM type people are more inclusive and friendly than I previously thought. "

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By *ayandess1Couple
over a year ago

bridgwater

So glad this is back on topic. I find the BDSM community is far more understanding of peoples kinks than other groups.

At the end of the day everyone in the BDSM community is unique. Their kinks, limits, loves and hates are all different - like a finger print. Therefore unlike the swinging community there are no expected rules.

Softswing couples, or same room swingers can (notice unsaid can) be shunned as "not proper swingers" whereas in the BDSM community its just a couples own personal thing.

I find that this blurs the edges and makes everyone more understanding. There are so many different types of kink that just listing them would take all night and a fair amount of research.

For us BDSM is not just a kink - its a journey. Something to be explored and not jeered at. No its not all about pain. It can be about power play, mindfuck, restriction, sensuality, or even right down to buying some clothes that make you feel a certain way.

50 shades has a lot to answer for.

Xxx

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By *yphoon1Man
over a year ago

Partner likes to be tied up when we have sex. And likes being told what to do and then used rather than being dominated without sex. I would be frustrated if we didnt have a release through sex.

It all appears to fall onto the BDSM banner when in fact its just a kink as part of sex as much as toys or uniforms or a sexy pair of thigh length boots are a kink.

Depends how far you want to go

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By *otTheReal01Man
over a year ago

London


"Partner likes to be tied up when we have sex. And likes being told what to do and then used rather than being dominated without sex. I would be frustrated if we didnt have a release through sex.

It all appears to fall onto the BDSM banner when in fact its just a kink as part of sex as much as toys or uniforms or a sexy pair of thigh length boots are a kink.

Depends how far you want to go"

I'm the same. For me the BDSM is more like foreplay or an addition to the sex. Like you I have zero interest in being a Top or Dom for someone if there's no sex involved. It takes all types.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

mmm I want to look in your bag

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your profile proves how much pleasure you Borg give one another through BDSM

Sex is mostly in the mind and the erotica that you enjoy obviously enhances your sexual pleasure.

Well put xx Jim

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always think of it as being tied up and whipped lol maybe I am a title out of my thinking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So glad this is back on topic. I find the BDSM community is far more understanding of peoples kinks than other groups.

At the end of the day everyone in the BDSM community is unique. Their kinks, limits, loves and hates are all different - like a finger print. Therefore unlike the swinging community there are no expected rules.

Softswing couples, or same room swingers can (notice unsaid can) be shunned as "not proper swingers" whereas in the BDSM community its just a couples own personal thing.

I find that this blurs the edges and makes everyone more understanding. There are so many different types of kink that just listing them would take all night and a fair amount of research.

For us BDSM is not just a kink - its a journey. Something to be explored and not jeered at. No its not all about pain. It can be about power play, mindfuck, restriction, sensuality, or even right down to buying some clothes that make you feel a certain way.

50 shades has a lot to answer for.

Xxx"

Very well put. You would think most of us on here would be very open minded and tolerant of the myriad of things we like That is the great pleasure sex can give but sadly many are very judgemental of things they don't wish to try instead of saying it's not for me but I'm glad it gives you pleasure xxx Jim

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm naturally sub and love being made to push my boundaries. My last fb was great at it, plus I trusted him, even though its not his thing.

I'd really like to take it further with someone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm naturally sub and love being made to push my boundaries. My last fb was great at it, plus I trusted him, even though its not his thing.

I'd really like to take it further with someone else."

I'm sure you will not be lost for offers now. Xx j

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always think of it as being tied up and whipped lol maybe I am a title out of my thinking "

to some people, that's exactly what it is. to others, myself included, it's vastly different from what you picture. just as there are a million and one ways to have good sex, there are a million and one ways to swing, and there are a million and one ways to dominate or be dominated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always think of it as being tied up and whipped lol maybe I am a title out of my thinking

to some people, that's exactly what it is. to others, myself included, it's vastly different from what you picture. just as there are a million and one ways to have good sex, there are a million and one ways to swing, and there are a million and one ways to dominate or be dominated "

As long as you enjoy what ever type of sexual things you want is the main things and fair play to anyone that wants to try anything it's there body to use in how they want it used

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think one of my favourite things about being involved in kink is that there is such a wide variety of things people can be involved with.

In this thread so far there's been talk about wax play, impact play, mind games, restraint, rope play, ownership and talk about munches.

Something that I really wish would be transferred into the swinging scene is the "your kink is not my kink but its ok" mentality that goes around the fetish scene.

Ruby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think one of my favourite things about being involved in kink is that there is such a wide variety of things people can be involved with.

In this thread so far there's been talk about wax play, impact play, mind games, restraint, rope play, ownership and talk about munches.

Something that I really wish would be transferred into the swinging scene is the "your kink is not my kink but its ok" mentality that goes around the fetish scene.

Ruby"

Yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think one of my favourite things about being involved in kink is that there is such a wide variety of things people can be involved with.

In this thread so far there's been talk about wax play, impact play, mind games, restraint, rope play, ownership and talk about munches.

Something that I really wish would be transferred into the swinging scene is the "your kink is not my kink but its ok" mentality that goes around the fetish scene.

Ruby

Yes "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kink and swing are both places for people to express their sexual sides, they have a lot in common with each other but sometimes, due to lack of knowledge or believing the tabloids, people create these ideas of the evils both do to society.

I stumbled into kink after an FB and I messed around with scarves, tying her up and then some tease and denial. From there we explored more about the control and submission side. For me it is about adding more to sexual play, new ideas, now forms of pleasure, trying to see what else is out there and how it can be enjoyed. I don't like everything that's on offer but as many have said it takes all kinds

My advice would be if you don't know about it find out, it may not interest you but I think you will be surprised about how much there is in the kink scene. I never thought I would get so much pleasure from tying up a pretty lady and making her orgasm until she is begging me to stop

If you are interested and want to know about local munches or events just drop me a message and I will help where I can.

A

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I see loads of profiles with 'We don't do pain' or not into BDSM. Nearly every party we attend, I take my bag of tricks. it is a brilliant ice breaker and talking point. It always makes me laugh that by the end of the evening, even the most hardened anti BDSMer is bent over wanting to be flogged or try something else kinky. BDSM is not a swear word and it can be a lot of fun. Please believe me that nobody in the BDSM scene is going to drag you off and beat you to within an inch of your life....unless you forget your safeword.... "

You obviously have the right personality to put these people at ease so they can try stuff. I'm interested to know if its in a sexual manner, ie do you actually play with them, or just a relaxed try it out demonstration type session?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I see loads of profiles with 'We don't do pain' or not into BDSM. Nearly every party we attend, I take my bag of tricks. it is a brilliant ice breaker and talking point. It always makes me laugh that by the end of the evening, even the most hardened anti BDSMer is bent over wanting to be flogged or try something else kinky. BDSM is not a swear word and it can be a lot of fun. Please believe me that nobody in the BDSM scene is going to drag you off and beat you to within an inch of your life....unless you forget your safeword....

You obviously have the right personality to put these people at ease so they can try stuff. I'm interested to know if its in a sexual manner, ie do you actually play with them, or just a relaxed try it out demonstration type session? "

whether you play sexually depends on a)the limits of both people involved. some people do play sexually, others don't.

and

b) where you are at the time. even if the parties get sexual with each other some events don't allow sexual play just bdsm play in a nonsexual way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"b) where you are at the time. even if the parties get sexual with each other some events don't allow sexual play just bdsm play in a nonsexual way. "

As far as I am aware this is more down to the venue rather than a 'No sex we are BDSMers' kind of thing. From all the BDSM events I have been to there has always been some sort of sexual play even if it was just teasing with a magic wand

Sadly trying to run a BDSM event is quite difficult as a lot of Swinger clubs don't want to give up nights to BDSM events, as they are not as profitable, and most other venues won't allow BDSM nights to run hence why some events won't allow sexual activity due to the venue not being suitable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't wanted to try it because of what I've read generally. Scaredy cat here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh please drag me off and beat me

Can I go next please? "

Can I go after that ? Quite a queue your building up here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't believe everything you read

It is as much or as little as you want, there is so much to it, not just the pain and punishment that people only seem to mention, there is also the pleasure, eroticism and the beauty of taking someone and leading them to find new and exciting ways to enjoy themselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't believe everything you read

It is as much or as little as you want, there is so much to it, not just the pain and punishment that people only seem to mention, there is also the pleasure, eroticism and the beauty of taking someone and leading them to find new and exciting ways to enjoy themselves "

It's a whole wonderful world from the sublime to the ridiculous, everyones kink is different. When you find the one that takes your body and your mind to another level, it can't be beaten (but I can )

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By *landfordfabbersCouple
over a year ago

Blandford ish


"I see loads of profiles with 'We don't do pain' or not into BDSM. Nearly every party we attend, I take my bag of tricks. it is a brilliant ice breaker and talking point. It always makes me laugh that by the end of the evening, even the most hardened anti BDSMer is bent over wanting to be flogged or try something else kinky. BDSM is not a swear word and it can be a lot of fun. Please believe me that nobody in the BDSM scene is going to drag you off and beat you to within an inch of your life....unless you forget your safeword.... "

We find this also

So well put

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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge


"I haven't wanted to try it because of what I've read generally. Scaredy cat here "
try being laid down on your front naked and blindfold limbs restrained have a your play partner gently massage your skin all over to get you nicley relaxed . then they gently begin to run there nails down your spine and around your buttocks and thighs slowly in creasing the presure then they introduce a soft flogger slowly teasing you all over with the ends before very very gently flicking your buttocks with the body of the flogger continueing to slowly increase the weight of each stroke of the flogger till your relaxed and floating

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I haven't wanted to try it because of what I've read generally. Scaredy cat here try being laid down on your front naked and blindfold limbs restrained have a your play partner gently massage your skin all over to get you nicley relaxed . then they gently begin to run there nails down your spine and around your buttocks and thighs slowly in creasing the presure then they introduce a soft flogger slowly teasing you all over with the ends before very very gently flicking your buttocks with the body of the flogger continueing to slowly increase the weight of each stroke of the flogger till your relaxed and floating "

I failed to mention, I have recently been handcuffed, my decision, he did give me a nice massage but not sure if I was ready for the handcuffing at that moment in time. Not his fault I will add. Don't think he has a flogger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would love to give it ago not found anyone to help expand my horizons lol

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By *mnipotent_BehemothMan
over a year ago

near Merry Hill shopping centre

I think a lot of the old Ideas are coming out here, but quite a few truths as well.

On the whole the kink/fetish/BDSM scene is very tollerant of others, you do find the odd 'uberDom' who makes a prat of himself (applies to Dommes as well btw) and you do get some wannabes who to be quite honest are dangerous but largely the scene knows who these are and they tend to end up with a reputation.

But other than a few couples not many people cross over between the scenes, so there is not an understanding.

50 shades has a lot to answer for a the BDSM scene has been flooded with people who now think it's trendy to he kinky especially as information is everywhere across the Internet, I personally think this has reduced the understanding of the eticate of the scene.

But all is good on the whole, if you think you have a kink give it a go, if the thought of some sex act doesn't turn you on well however much you try and force it on someone you won't get anywhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't believe everything you read

It is as much or as little as you want, there is so much to it, not just the pain and punishment that people only seem to mention, there is also the pleasure, eroticism and the beauty of taking someone and leading them to find new and exciting ways to enjoy themselves "

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By *aster of a mind OP   Couple
over a year ago

York


"

You obviously have the right personality to put these people at ease so they can try stuff. I'm interested to know if its in a sexual manner, ie do you actually play with them, or just a relaxed try it out demonstration type session? "

I generally just open my bag of tricks away from any ongoing play, I find people seem more at ease if they are clothed and can look from a distance if they choose. i simply take some stuff out and describe what it is, i may use my own slave for a quick demonstration but lots of people want to have a go on themselves or have their partner give them a cheeky flog/spank or attach some sort of clamp.

I honestly think that the fear some people have of BDSM, is not the toys used but the fear that someone will hurt them. I have found that by allowing people to handle the equipment and hit themselves with it, has proven to be a positive experience for all involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There has only been one person I've let blindfold me,tie me up,pull my hair and slap my bum and that's because he knows me so well and knows when to stop

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There has only been one person I've let blindfold me,tie me up,pull my hair and slap my bum and that's because he knows me so well and knows when to stop "

And this is BDSM at its very core, it is all about trust, playing with someone who knows you well, knows what you enjoy and knows how far you want to go

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By *athylacyTV/TS
over a year ago

Maidstone

I love being restrained, hooded and genuinely helpless for peoe to enjoy my body any way they want...

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