FabSwingers.com forum: Say it loud and proud?

By (user no longer on site) OP
Forum Mod
over a year ago

There have been a few posts recently about how swingers should stand up for what they do and not hide the fact that they are swingers.....and it has been likened to gay rights,civil rights and so on

This post is not meant to be political in anyway......don't want to have a barney on my hands lol

But how would you really feel if swinging was just the "norm"?

Im not so sure it would be half as exciting if everyone was doing it, we like the fact that we are having a great time being involved with something that is still seen as a bit taboo.....its like being part of a secret society and we like that

What do you think?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Using the comment alot of people use on here, i think you get what you put in and if swinging was the norm i don't think it would be less exciting.

Swinging really isn't this underground, secret society taboo activity anymore and i'm not sure as to why it's percieved as such. I have a alot of fetishes which are alot more eyebrow raising than swinging and am into the bdsm scene and i can say these are becoming more and more accepted and have lost most of the shock factor they once had.

At the end of the day swinging is about having casual sex and is no big deal. The big difference is that it is usually in more organised surroundings and includes that social element. Sex will always be sex and as enjoyable as you make it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Blimey Gothica I would,nt class how we swing as casual sex lol that would be very boring...its soooo much more than that and can include some of the fetishes as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That was my take on it lol.. For us part of the fun is the 'naughtiness' and that its ours lol... not something all and sundry know or share ..

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"That was my take on it lol.. For us part of the fun is the 'naughtiness' and that its ours lol... not something all and sundry know or share .."

Spot on.

I also find myself when we are out wondering if the couple in front of us at the check out or at the Flicks etc are swingers too.

I like the little secret society we are all in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was at the car garage today, hoping that the service guy was a swinger, lol, i think we need a secret word/saying/wink or handshake, lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My secret sign is panting with my tongue hanging out!

I like being subtle lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was at the car garage today, hoping that the service guy was a swinger, lol, i think we need a secret word/saying/wink or handshake, lol"

omg! i find myself saying that about guys everywhere lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i did that, lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Siren and I often comment on whether someone we see out and about is a swinger or not but the reality of it is if someone from the vanilla community actually recognised Siren as a swinger she'd be mortified. How they would know is a different matter lol

I'm not so fearful of being recognised but I have to be careful now I'm her husband because if people know the both of us and recognise me as a swinger then she's identified by association.

We don't swing because we find it exciting to do something considered a bit naughty or taboo, we swing because basically we're a pair of sex mad pervies who love fucking lol

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By *teve_SoleilCouple
over a year ago

Malaysia

Secret what makes a women...women...:P...

Different people might have different views...for us it'll probably be just as fun as we are having sex with strangers...:P...it would be a lot easier too...but even if it's the norm...I don't think we'll tell people about our sex life..:P...even if I was single looking for casual sex...:D

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There have been a few posts recently about how swingers should stand up for what they do and not hide the fact that they are swingers.....and it has been likened to gay rights,civil rights and so on

This post is not meant to be political in anyway......don't want to have a barney on my hands lol

But how would you really feel if swinging was just the "norm"?

What do you think?"

We don't think swinging will ever be thought of as the "norm".However by being more open we can hope for it to become more socialy acceptable.

When something is kept a secret by a section of the community,it gives others great pleasure in trying to find them out and when they do to make their lives a misery.

The only way to take that power away from these people is to be "loud and proud".When things are brought into the light they lose the sensation factor and become yesterdays news.

XXXX

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By *lgernonMan
over a year ago

cupar

Woohooo for being self employed in a creative industry - (design and make furniture). I can be as bonkers bdsm/swinging from the rooftops as I like and not have to care about diapproval. All anyone cares about is if I can do nice neat dovetail joints in a sexy art deco style.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think swinging will ever been the norm, us British as a whole are to anally retentive for that kind of thing, most of the women i know in every day life go off on one if their husband even looks at another woman in a short skirt never mind having sex with one lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Siren's short skirts don't fit me so there's absolutely no danger of that happening hehehe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don't tell our kids, family or friends that we enjoy watching porn.

We don't tell our kids, family or friends that we have a large selection of toys that we always play with.

We don't tell our kids, family or friends that Mrs TWO2 like me to cum in her mouth.

We don't tell our kids, family or friends that we sometimes enjoy anal sex.

I could carry on with the list of intimate things that we do not tell our kids, family or friends and with that in mind why oh why would we or anyone else feel that is normal practise to tell all and sundry about their private sexual matters.

Because we are discrete, polite and thoughtful individuals we treat the whole gambit of our sex lives as totally private. It simply has nothing to do with our family and friends and I defy anyone on here to tell me why we should tell the world anything about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Top post, I couldn't agree more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

spot on two . i think its really down to the individuals own needs as to wehter they want to tell anyone or not . everyones circumstances are different , i have friends who were swingers long before i joined this site and iv never thought any different of them for it , they now know i have joined the community , and what has been said about how i would feel if it was the norm , hmm i like the sort of secrecy we have , like the openess the honesty that is hard to find in other aspects of life , i dont think swinging will ever be understood by those on the so called "outside" and i think swinging still has certain stigmas attached to it , if i was ever asked directly about it of course i would stick up for myself and all my fellow swingers , there is a lot of pre-concieved ideas and stereotypes of swingers out there which are just not true and i would put the record straight so to speak but until that day its something that i like to keep to myself .

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

Errrm dont think i am repressed by petty victorian morals ...but i just dont feel i WANT to tell anyone ...and even if i did the people i see may not like to be outed by association ....

to the op ...great question ...more please ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We thought it was already;)

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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

Hey there 2bonks that is a fair argument and on the face of it we can't suggest any reason why you personally should tell anyone if you don't want to.

However since the topic was about whether swingers should be more open about their sexuality - and there are so many comparisons between swingers and another previously 'secretive society' - the gay community - can we ask why you think so many gays now are so open about private aspects of *their* sexlife, for instance attending gay pride rallies or being openly gay and proud of it in the media (e.g. Stephen Fry and many others)... and that sort of thing.

According to your own reckoning why are these people being totally indescrete, impolite or thoughtless by treating the whole gambit of their sex lives as public?

They obviously feel a great psychological or emotional need or desire to be open about their sexuality but why do you feel that is wrong then?

xxxxx

Ju & Rich

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By *teve_SoleilCouple
over a year ago

Malaysia

Gays are being oppressed by parts of the community a lot before...like getting physically, verbally and mentally abused...no marriage rights...no voting rights...no working rights...and many kinds of discrimination...they are used as jokes and methods to humiliate other people and downgrade them...

Swingers on the other hand...are pretty free from those kind of things...have you ever heard of swingers getting hit?not allowed to get married or vote?...I see swingers like people who have one night stand...some feels the need to inform everybody about their sex life (be it to brag or being honest) but there's always some that feels the need to keep it as a secret (as it is private...and they're not the kind to kiss and tell...)...:D

It is okay to tell people about choice of being swingers but I don't it's a problem with people who don't...they are still free to do whatever they want to do...:D

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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

(gays).... they are used as jokes and methods to humiliate other people and downgrade them...

Swingers on the other hand...are pretty free from those kind of things...

It is okay to tell people about choice of being swingers but I don't it's a problem with people who don't..."

mmmm this is just going round in circles now - steve/soliel you seem even to contradict yourself lol

before anyone could discuss whether it is/would be a good thing for swinger sto come out of the closet so to speak, could we possibly try to agree first (on this and other threads) whether coming out of the closet does or does not put you at the risk of discrimination or humiliation?

xxx

j&r

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By *teve_SoleilCouple
over a year ago

Malaysia

I miss "think" there...it's suppose to say

"it is okay to tell people about choice of being swingers but I don't think it's a problem with people who don't"...meaning to say it's a choice...not contradicting...but more like I am giving an view from both sides...

On your question...I would also answer the same...some people may end up discriminated and humiliated but some people might be accepted and look up upon...cause everyone has different circumstances and thus people react differently...:D

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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

"it is okay to tell people about choice of being swingers but I don't it's a problem with people who don't".

Ahh that explains it. Without the 'think' it reads that it's OK to tell people about being swingers but you don't.(because) it's a problem with people who dont' (swing) At least that's the way we it read to us

xxx

j&r

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To try and compare being gay and being a swinger is crazy and it’s about as disingenuous as you can get. Being gay is not a hobby it’s a 24/7 way of life, it’s a total commitment to same sex relationships. Being openly gay is only now acceptable because society is “supposedly” more tolerant, however I am certain if you were to ask your vanilla friends for their thoughts on the subject they may well tell you each to their own but I doubt very much whether you will find many who will tell you it’s “perfectly natural”. For most heterosexual folk the idea of kissing someone of the same sex, let alone sucking cock/licking pussy or anything else you wish to conjure up with regards to same sex fun is totally abhorrent, hence the each to their own viewpoint.

Swinging is, for most of us, not a 24/7 way of life, it is a pastime enjoyed by couples to enhance their otherwise monogamous way of life, the important word there is monogamous as this is what society is based on. For most folk the notion of having sex with others outside of their established relationship is a concept that is too difficult to grasp and is usually associated with people cheating on their partners. Try asking your vanilla friends if they think the idea of watching their partner being pleasured by another man/women would work for them and I suspect that the answer may again be each to their own but I doubt many would find it “perfectly natural”.

But lets suppose we thought it was correct to brag about this way of life to our kids, family and friends just where would it stop? If we tell our kids we are swingers how do we answer the inevitable questions? Do we tell them we enjoy going to clubs? If we tell them that what do we say when they ask what goes on when we go to clubs? Do we then tell them that Dad likes to watch Mum pick single guys to take to a private room where Dad sits back and watches Mum get fucked before finally sucking the guy off? Do we tell them that we like play in the hot tubs with other couples and single guys? Do we tell them that Dad loves to watch Mum with other women or even that he loves to watch her with hung black guy?

What do we tell to our prim and proper friends who would no more discuss the price they paid for their car let alone what goes on in their bedroom? Do we tell them that Mrs Two2 has discovered that semen does not taste of battery acid and that anal sex is sometimes very enjoyable? Do we tell them that we enjoy making videos? Do we tell them that we like meeting new couples for fun at their place? Where exactly does it end?

The reason we do not tell our kids, family or friends that we are swingers is because we are polite and respectful of them, their feelings and sensitivities. If we tell them we swing even if they do not ask questions they will always wonder about exactly what we get up to and we can guarantee that for our kids, our family and most of our friends this would simply be too much for them to deal with. Not because of any bigotry but simply because they will not be able to understand that it works for us. We do wonder how many of those folk who do “tell all and sundry” have ever stopped to consider just how much confusion and hurt they may be inflicting on their loved ones.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I only asked how people would feel if swinging was the norm! meaning would they find it as exciting if everybody was a swinger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I only asked how people would feel if swinging was the norm! meaning would they find it as exciting if everybody was a swinger

If some of our friends were swingers then feckin right we would

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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

Hi 2bonks - as ever you put forward a well thought out well balanced and well written point of view.

However we made the point of people being openly gay as we don't really believe that gays and swingers are that different in as much as they are both secretive societies, or at least the gay community used to be (and no doubt some still are)

Also did you consider, for instance that some swingers are in this because they do wish to satisfy the gay side of their nature?

We asked if you we implying by inference that to be openly gay was impolite indiscrete or disrseptful - After all, those gays and bisexuals at pride rallies and on the TV do have families don't they?

We never noticed gays going into the nitty gritty of what the like to do (OK well Mr Fry on QI comes up with some very frank but tongue in cheek comments about being gay, and then there was that guy from 'Right Said Fred' on 'Buzzcocks' who oncve claimed he abuses the toblerone in the hotel mini bar) but that's not really nitty gritty is it. But it would seem that being gay is accepted by society, without everyone asking for the intimate details.

So we would say really you didn't answer the most direct question - why is it (as you appear to believe) OK to tell your family friends and colleagues your are bisexual or gay, but it is apparently not OK to tell them you are a swinger? Both are aspects of our sexuality whether they are full time of part time.

Also ask yourself, in all honesty, if you had been made gay, would you still be in the closet to save upsetting your family?

xxxx

j&r

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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

If some of our friends were swingers then feckin right we would

Heheee now we gotta agree there!

xxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi J n R,

A nice polite debate, very refreshing for on here so many thanks for that.

I didn't actually say it was OK to come out to your family and friends, what I said was our very PC society had now decided it was acceptable, which is a long way from OK.

For some folk the notion of gay sex is simply wrong and they will never understand it. The only real question with regards to gay sex is do you limit it to oral sex or engage in anal sex, as it seems that a lot of gay guys only ever go as far as oral sex.

Because being Gay in not a hobby it's only natural that men and women are now free to live their lives in the public eye. If you ask your vanilla friends what gays get up to there will be some confusion but kissing, cuddling, oral and anal will be the perceived norms.

Swinging is just not that simple and because those of us who swing indulge in such a huge variety of pastimes simply admitting to being a swinger is never going to answer enough questions.

A quick Google of what swinging is all about reveals all sorts so how would our kids etc feel if they wondered if their parents were Bi, of liked the single guy thing etc etc etc.

We do not tell anyone that we swing because what WE like would simply blow their minds, they are either too young or too vanilla to understand what we like and rather than hurt, confuse or even alienate them we keep it all secret.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I only asked how people would feel if swinging was the norm! meaning would they find it as exciting if everybody was a swinger

If some of our friends were swingers then feckin right we would

Just a thought.

How do you know your friends aren't swingers if you've never broached the subject with them?

You could be missing out on some interesting meets,lol.

XXXX

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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

@2bonks

Thank you xxx

We were at Ju's mums 65th birthday party last night and at the end of the night (it was getting real late) we were the only ones left there with them. Everyone was a bit d*unk and we came oh so close to coming out and telling them that we are swingers, because they were asking us some questions they have never asked before and said they think we live an odd lifestyle and wondered why.

Rich said something that they were really suprised by (not swinging related) and then Ju said 'well you could be even more suprised in a minute'..... but then the conversation drifted off and never came back to it.

Actually we think Ju's mum would be quite jealous if she knew, where as her dad would raise an eyebrown and probably say 'it doesnt' suprise me with you pair!. Her brother would most likely laugh his socks off!

The thing is they are very close as family and it pains us that we have such a large secret part of our lives that they know nothing about.

Ju and her mum have always been so open about everything yet this is such an important thing they don't know so when they chat on the phone most evenings and mum aske what we did the night before or whatever she has to lie.

We do agree 100% with you - and have said this more than once ourselves... that you have simply got to be part of this scene to be able to comprehend it.

But we don't agree that the response from vanilla friends and family is always (or even often) likely to be negative. In fact we have a number of friends who know and only one took a somewhat dim view to it 'well that's what happens when you separate love from sex' (as though they were ever the same thing lol) but even in that case we are still friends

If (well actually more likely when) we do come out to our family we will be in a position to say what the result was

xxxxx

Ju & Rich

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Actually we think Ju's mum would be quite jealous if she knew, where as her dad would raise an eyebrown and probably say 'it doesnt' suprise me with you pair!. Her brother would most likely laugh his socks off!"

But now imagine the hurt, confusion and inevitable alienation if you have missed all the signals and got the above completely wrong?

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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

True.... but like we said, it pains us to live a lie.

Most likely there is no win win situation here - you pays you money and takes your choice

xxxxx

Ju & Rich

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think it would be great if casual sex with the norm, sorry don't like the word swingers lol, if everyone was as open minded as me i could go upto the dishy guy in the strret and ask him if he wanted a shag lol theres been so many guys ive seen in every day life who i've thought "ohh wouldnt mind a go on him" lol but how would you even ask someone in every day life? so if what we did was the norm you could, couldnt you? i think it would be great :D

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