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lowering standards

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By *ensualtouch15 OP   Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

Ok just been reading the " why is it " thread regarding finding a good man or maybe the perfect man.

Noted that a few ladies decided to refer to men that are not their type as "lowering their standards " ?

It struck me that's rather an offensive euphemism ?

Ok so the fit guy 6 foot perfect gentleman who has a beard is not your type that's a perfectly reasonable stance as is not being turned on by long hair or no hair but suggesting these kind giving attractive gentlemen are a low ,sub standard under par is a tad severe ? Now I'm fussy and like a lady im attracted to but if I refer to standards I would be referring to personality traits not aesthetics

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see it both ways.

For the most part I think they're trying to say that they aren't willing to compromise on their preferences. However the use of lowering standards to me seems a little harsh, as if to lower ones standards is done out of pity.

Maybe the term "moving the goal posts" is more apt?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you'll find it was a man who made the first comment about fussy standards and I for one responded to his comments.

This is my fantasy life and I will only meet those who I find physically attractive and who's company I enjoy. That does not mean that men I don't find physically attractive are sub standard but it also doesn't mean I have to meet them just because they mail me. I'm not to everyone's liking or taste either and I can live with that!

My profile and my personal standards!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Side note: to me saying "I'm not lowering my standards" kinda implies you're already accepting the bare minimum

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By *all-Eddies QosCouple
over a year ago

wirral

Like to think I'm not that shallow.....I love my partner inside and out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Erm. Maybe she has standards that are high to her which she prefers and turns her on. For example, her high standard may be a guy to have a muscular physique. She may be lowering her own standards by meeting someone who she wouldn't normally meet. Now, from my point of view, that's her lowering her standard and there is nothing there to offend someone.

...i like to meet people who are laid back, chatty, can laugh at themselves and take the piss out of each other. That's my high standard. I'm not the kind of person who meets someone who's arrogant, stuck up and feels like i'm talking to a brick wall. If i did meet someone like that - for me, that's me lowering my standard. Doesn't mean i'm trying to offend her. She just isn't my cup of tea.

Maybe the phrase of 'high standard' is open to intepretation and construed differently by different people.

I haven't read the thread that prompted this one. So, just sharing my own point of view.

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By *ensualtouch15 OP   Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"Erm. Maybe she has standards that are high to her which she prefers and turns her on. For example, her high standard may be a guy to have a muscular physique. She may be lowering her own standards by meeting someone who she wouldn't normally meet. Now, from my point of view, that's her lowering her standard and there is nothing there to offend someone.

...i like to meet people who are laid back, chatty, can laugh at themselves and take the piss out of each other. That's my high standard. I'm not the kind of person who meets someone who's arrogant, stuck up and feels like i'm talking to a brick wall. If i did meet someone like that - for me, that's me lowering my standard. Doesn't mean i'm trying to offend her. She just isn't my cup of tea.

Maybe the phrase of 'high standard' is open to intepretation and construed differently by different people.

I haven't read the thread that prompted this one. So, just sharing my own point of view.

"

I don't overly disagree with you my friend a fair stance

However I take an interest in semantics. Everyone here has preferences but using low high standards has an implicit meaning . We I think all agree we have our preferences which is completely understandable , big muscles , dark hair tan , small boobs yet when a person suggests they are would be lowering standards by not adhering to a preference that's a poor choice of euphemism which is condescending toward another body type or look which is only not to their preferences

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Erm. Maybe she has standards that are high to her which she prefers and turns her on. For example, her high standard may be a guy to have a muscular physique. She may be lowering her own standards by meeting someone who she wouldn't normally meet. Now, from my point of view, that's her lowering her standard and there is nothing there to offend someone.

...i like to meet people who are laid back, chatty, can laugh at themselves and take the piss out of each other. That's my high standard. I'm not the kind of person who meets someone who's arrogant, stuck up and feels like i'm talking to a brick wall. If i did meet someone like that - for me, that's me lowering my standard. Doesn't mean i'm trying to offend her. She just isn't my cup of tea.

Maybe the phrase of 'high standard' is open to intepretation and construed differently by different people.

I haven't read the thread that prompted this one. So, just sharing my own point of view.

I don't overly disagree with you my friend a fair stance

However I take an interest in semantics. Everyone here has preferences but using low high standards has an implicit meaning . We I think all agree we have our preferences which is completely understandable , big muscles , dark hair tan , small boobs yet when a person suggests they are would be lowering standards by not adhering to a preference that's a poor choice of euphemism which is condescending toward another body type or look which is only not to their preferences "

Yeah, i understand where you are coming from and i do agree.

But, on a site like this. Or anywhere else for that matter. The choice of words used may not always come across the way we'd like it to. So, we shouldn't get offended that quickly or think as though they are being condescending towards us. Not sure if it is a related point - but if you are confident in yourself then things like that wouldn't matter.

But, i know where you are coming from.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i wouldnt say i was lowering my standards to meet men i dont like, i might say i was making do with what i could get though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i wouldnt say i was lowering my standards to meet men i dont like, i might say i was making do with what i could get though."

I think it would be time for me to leave this past time if I felt that way...

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By *bony in IvoryCouple
over a year ago

Black&White Utopia


"i wouldnt say i was lowering my standards to meet men i dont like, i might say i was making do with what i could get though."
goodness... Really? Is it not possible that "making do with what you can get" may actually attract the kind of person you don't like in the first place? Others could pick up on that maybe? ( being very diplomatic tonight! )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i wouldnt say i was lowering my standards to meet men i dont like, i might say i was making do with what i could get though.

I think it would be time for me to leave this past time if I felt that way..."

Me too. I've never felt desperate enough to be in that position to be honest. I'd rather go without and frequently do!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i wouldnt say i was lowering my standards to meet men i dont like, i might say i was making do with what i could get though.

I think it would be time for me to leave this past time if I felt that way..."

I do turn a lot of men down as they arent my type but there arent that many who are my type so i meet them so at least i get some fun. i would be more fed up if i wasnt getting any.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ok just been reading the " why is it " thread regarding finding a good man or maybe the perfect man.

Noted that a few ladies decided to refer to men that are not their type as "lowering their standards " ?

It struck me that's rather an offensive euphemism ?

Ok so the fit guy 6 foot perfect gentleman who has a beard is not your type that's a perfectly reasonable stance as is not being turned on by long hair or no hair but suggesting these kind giving attractive gentlemen are a low ,sub standard under par is a tad severe ? Now I'm fussy and like a lady im attracted to but if I refer to standards I would be referring to personality traits not aesthetics "

Although looking at the photos of your 'aesthetics'. ..I am somewhat distracted! (In a good way.. )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes would agree there is a big difference between the implication of lowering standards than that of meeting ones preferences

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i wouldnt say i was lowering my standards to meet men i dont like, i might say i was making do with what i could get though.

I think it would be time for me to leave this past time if I felt that way...

I do turn a lot of men down as they arent my type but there arent that many who are my type so i meet them so at least i get some fun. i would be more fed up if i wasnt getting any."

Personally I wouldn't meet anyone that wasn't my type and I wouldn't meet anyone just so I had some fun,I would rather go without than lower my standards x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ok just been reading the " why is it " thread regarding finding a good man or maybe the perfect man.

Noted that a few ladies decided to refer to men that are not their type as "lowering their standards " ?

It struck me that's rather an offensive euphemism ?

Ok so the fit guy 6 foot perfect gentleman who has a beard is not your type that's a perfectly reasonable stance as is not being turned on by long hair or no hair but suggesting these kind giving attractive gentlemen are a low ,sub standard under par is a tad severe ? Now I'm fussy and like a lady im attracted to but if I refer to standards I would be referring to personality traits not aesthetics "

If lowering one's standards is offensive when related to aesthetics could it not also be deemed offensive in relation to personality traits? How is it less so?

I haven't read the thread you are referring to either but I do agree that "lowering one's standards" in relation to other people for whatever reason might be deemed offensive to the person concerned. I guess tho, its all in the interpretation and as Popeye has already said that differs from person to person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its just a phrase people use, to some people its offencive to some its not its like the phrase boxing above your weight, I think people want someone on a simular standing to what they consider themselves to be I mean lets face it if a gorgeous hunky guy like from the advert gets a message from a seen better days nora batty type then hes hardly going to be gagging at the bit for a meet is he and the same vise versa, in the main people are to polite to blurt out exactly what they mean so they try and use more tactful phrases

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By *ensualtouch15 OP   Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"Ok just been reading the " why is it " thread regarding finding a good man or maybe the perfect man.

Noted that a few ladies decided to refer to men that are not their type as "lowering their standards " ?

It struck me that's rather an offensive euphemism ?

Ok so the fit guy 6 foot perfect gentleman who has a beard is not your type that's a perfectly reasonable stance as is not being turned on by long hair or no hair but suggesting these kind giving attractive gentlemen are a low ,sub standard under par is a tad severe ? Now I'm fussy and like a lady im attracted to but if I refer to standards I would be referring to personality traits not aesthetics

If lowering one's standards is offensive when related to aesthetics could it not also be deemed offensive in relation to personality traits? How is it less so?

I haven't read the thread you are referring to either but I do agree that "lowering one's standards" in relation to other people for whatever reason might be deemed offensive to the person concerned. I guess tho, its all in the interpretation and as Popeye has already said that differs from person to person."

I considered whether there could be an objective difference between using the word standards concerning looks and personality and felt there could be justification

The term Standards is often used with tangible parameters which can be quantified as higher or lower based on terrible criteria , lets consider food standards , hygiene standards, education standards. the whole irony of suggesting your standard is differant to another is it makes a standard subjective which is exactly what standards are not they are officially a universal bench mark, ref the standard meter and kg x

As this site illustrates daily there is no standard regarding human aesthetics some prefer big ears some prefer square jaw some prefer a moon face with big smile . We cannot quantify which aesthetic is lower or higher than another only which is more preferred by an individual at on time subjective

Personality traits although some we would agree are purely subjective others such as , hygiene, social Abilities ,perspectives on racism, homophones, manners, sexual safety , are quite plausibility more distent from subject it and in some cases quantifiable on a liner higher lower scale

Thus I have just realised , for the use of standards to be objective it should be used in the correct context ie

I have high standards regarding a persons spelling(I don't I'm dyslexic x) is a perfectly reasonable preference and gives us insight

Same with finger nail hygiene and no one would or should expect you to lower that stands you set

I have high standards in a man's appearance actually tells us nothing as there is no universal standard for male atractivness(Ok Ok so there are scientific studies but they don't seem to apply on fab in all cases do they just not their type)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am not going to have sex with people I don't like just to fit in and take one for the team no. It would be a very BIG turn off . For me its the person too not just the look I have to like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if i dont fancy them i dont fuck em

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By *ensualtouch15 OP   Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"I am not going to have sex with people I don't like just to fit in and take one for the team no. It would be a very BIG turn off . For me its the person too not just the look I have to like. "

Wrong thread ? The I don't want sex with people I don't find attractive thread is a few lines down . This is the calling such people substandard thread which is completely different

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i wouldnt say i was lowering my standards to meet men i dont like, i might say i was making do with what i could get though.

I think it would be time for me to leave this past time if I felt that way...

Me too. I've never felt desperate enough to be in that position to be honest. I'd rather go without and frequently do! "

Going without for a few weeks is one thing though, but going without for a few months cant be wasting too much time when you get to my age.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i would rather have no sex than lower my standards for justa fuck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i would rather have no sex than lower my standards for justa fuck"

Not just a fuck though is it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i would rather have no sex than lower my standards for justa fuck"
That's how I feel . x

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By *ensualtouch15 OP   Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch


"i would rather have no sex than lower my standards for justa fuck"

As mentioned there is another thread for you to air your opinion regarding not sleeping with people who are not to your desire x

However you have inspired me to suggest regarding your standards ? There are a couple of ladies who have kindly met and left me a verification x im sure I'm not your type but are you suggesting they have lower standards than yourself ? Now you are indeed not my type but I would never be so condescending to suggest you are below standard ( condescending means talking/looking down to someone)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i would rather have no sex than lower my standards for justa fuck

As mentioned there is another thread for you to air your opinion regarding not sleeping with people who are not to your desire x

However you have inspired me to suggest regarding your standards ? There are a couple of ladies who have kindly met and left me a verification x im sure I'm not your type but are you suggesting they have lower standards than yourself ? Now you are indeed not my type but I would never be so condescending to suggest you are below standard ( condescending means talking/looking down to someone)"

I understand what you mean, it does sound as if people are being a bit big headed when they say they wouldnt lower their standards, its not something i would say. Just because a lot of men arent my type because of the way they look, or because of their personality type, doesnt mean they arent attractive to other women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know im nothing special and i dont kid myself i am. I just have a good idea what i like and what i dont like, usually most people have things i dont like about them and things i do like about them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i would rather have no sex than lower my standards for justa fuck

As mentioned there is another thread for you to air your opinion regarding not sleeping with people who are not to your desire x

However you have inspired me to suggest regarding your standards ? There are a couple of ladies who have kindly met and left me a verification x im sure I'm not your type but are you suggesting they have lower standards than yourself ? Now you are indeed not my type but I would never be so condescending to suggest you are below standard ( condescending means talking/looking down to someone)"

let me try explain this.

just as i am on a sex site does not mean i will meet anyone and have sex with them. NO is NO not a maybe or a when i get bored and im frisky ill change my mind its a NO

just as i am horny doesn't mean a no would become a yes

standards could mean preferences and the decison what the person alone likes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i am nothing special but i know my type and what i like and dont like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the end of the day this is the internet and should never be compared to real life.

Basing every decision you make on a profile alone is perfectly viable, but we have found can be very misleading in all respects and have found that there really is no replacement for actually meeting and talking to people in the flesh.

for example there have been fab profiles that seem perfect then turn out not to be so, and equally we have met many at clubs and parties who's profile we would not read twice and have ended becomming real friends with.

I am now at the point where the fab profile is largely meaningless, and the way that conversations, and meetings go count for much more than statistics on size, looks etc.

In terms to 'Lowering standards' that is extremely contextual, and for us our standards are very fluid now, placing restrictions on self can be a sure fire way of missing out on a lot of fun and firm friendships that could never happen in the vanilla world.

But now i am going to contradict myself slightly, the one 'standard' i do stick to is behaviour and attitude.

There will be no play with those too d*unk to walk in a straight line, stoned to hold a conversation or bring your marriage issues into a swinging environment.

Looks, body type, age, location have nothing to do with our measure of 'Standards', but of course a connection is required for attraction to happen, but cant help feeling that many forum users have a crieteria more appropriate to a dating site. And that is fine for looking for a compatible partner, but for random sex with strangers and future friends why limit yourself so much?

But hey this is the internet where real life has no place or relevance. But Standards are there to be reaised or lowered, the truth is that we all have personal preferences on what they are and will never be influenced by others, and neither should they.

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