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advice wanted from mammy&daddys

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

ok this might be abit weird to ask this but its my only hope to get some advice and tips...

i am meeting my biological parents in 2 weeks time iv never met them in my life other than sending photos and letters..

i grew up in foster care and in state care all my life and tbh and dont know what to expect or what to do or say..

i am angry at them at the same time now 25 years later with my own life i dont even know will i alow them in my life. and also our sons life its bin quite hard to get my head around this the past 2 weeks.

so any tips or advice would be very help full thanks guys

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm not sure I'm qualified to give you any tips or advice but I do think that you're very brave and I wish you the best with it. I suspect that they will be as nervous and worried as you are and you don't have to like them. All your feelings are valid too and I guess that taking things slowly would be best.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm not sure I'm qualified to give you any tips or advice but I do think that you're very brave and I wish you the best with it. I suspect that they will be as nervous and worried as you are and you don't have to like them. All your feelings are valid too and I guess that taking things slowly would be best.

Good luck."

well see thats the thing i dont wanna make them feel lost or anything its a weird one like i dunno weather to shake there hand give them a hug or

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

There has to be reasons and I expect this is why you are meeting them, just be prepared if they are reasons that you don't want to hear. You are the person you are today no matter what is said - But I doubt anybody can give advice on this kind of subject. I hope it goes well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try to go with an open mind, your biological patents will have had reasons, maybe many reasons for their decision, they also may have regretted it all their lives.

Don't try and force too much into the first meeting, and no bitterness. It's just a meet to get to know them and to see wether you'd like to meet them again.

I have some experience in this field ...

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I'm not sure I'm qualified to give you any tips or advice but I do think that you're very brave and I wish you the best with it. I suspect that they will be as nervous and worried as you are and you don't have to like them. All your feelings are valid too and I guess that taking things slowly would be best.

Good luck.

well see thats the thing i dont wanna make them feel lost or anything its a weird one like i dunno weather to shake there hand give them a hug or

"

I imagine its one of those occasions that you can't plan for and you will react instinctively. If I was the parent in this situation I wouldn't expect you to be the one worried about how I was feeling...I would put the onus for that on myself. One step at a time and lots of talking

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!


"ok this might be abit weird to ask this but its my only hope to get some advice and tips...

i am meeting my biological parents in 2 weeks time iv never met them in my life other than sending photos and letters..

i grew up in foster care and in state care all my life and tbh and dont know what to expect or what to do or say..

i am angry at them at the same time now 25 years later with my own life i dont even know will i alow them in my life. and also our sons life its bin quite hard to get my head around this the past 2 weeks.

so any tips or advice would be very help full thanks guys "
Firstly who searched and found who ?

secondly you need to think of the reasons why you ended up in care ..it might be a case of your parents thinking they wanted to give you the best chance in life and if that ment being in care then that was the right thing for them to do .

Thirdly everyone deserves a 2nd chance to make things right but only you can decide if they deserve that chance .

GOOD LUCK XXX

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

i was ment too meet them a year ago but i chicken out at the last min but this time im not gonna meet them how i look at is its like meeting someone from here be myself but that kinda where i freeze as i would not know how start talking to them and about what like i dont care what happened in the past and i dont wanna no and i dont wanna talk about it or discuss it with them it happened for a valid reason as some one said above theres reason why they send me letters and i send them letters etc but i can see myself just freezing

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

well when i was in care they looked for me and asked the social workers could they see me i refused at the time which i regret but i was young i had no sence at the time

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

or they could have been junkies.

(sorry op, but this is not the place to try to get seasoned advice.)

You do not know what is going to be said, so just be prepared

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"or they could have been junkies.

(sorry op, but this is not the place to try to get seasoned advice.)

You do not know what is going to be said, so just be prepared"

not junkies but they did have a problem with alcoholism at the time but now they are clean the past 5 years social workers tell me as there still in contact with me and themselfs

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

my response was in reply to Nawty_MissDynomite post ... I was trying to point out is may not be what you want to hear.

Anyway - it's late on here so - ... ...

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!


"or they could have been junkies.

(sorry op, but this is not the place to try to get seasoned advice.)

You do not know what is going to be said, so just be prepared"
As i said in my post everyone deserves a 2nd chance to make things right it was after all 25 years ago no one is perfect in this world .

The op has said they were alcoholics so my guess is the made a very difficult choice but the right choice for them at the time .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I met my birth mother 1999 for the first time, I was 35 had been angry up to age 30 !

Their reason could be the answer to stop your anger at them, all you can do is listen, talk but stay calm and try to understand each other.

Hope all works out for the good, mine did

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"my response was in reply to Nawty_MissDynomite post ... I was trying to point out is may not be what you want to hear.

Anyway - it's late on here so - ... ... "

ah it dont bother me as i said it happened for a reason but i just dunno what to say to them im lost for words

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I met my birth mother 1999 for the first time, I was 35 had been angry up to age 30 !

Their reason could be the answer to stop your anger at them, all you can do is listen, talk but stay calm and try to understand each other.

Hope all works out for the good, mine did"

and how did the first meet up with them go like how did appoch them thats my problem i have

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville


"my response was in reply to Nawty_MissDynomite post ... I was trying to point out is may not be what you want to hear.

Anyway - it's late on here so - ... ...

ah it dont bother me as i said it happened for a reason but i just dunno what to say to them im lost for words"

pretty understandable - but at least you are open to dialogue - as others have said, its a cliche but first steps are the hardest, at least you'll be able to take stock instead of guesswork for all these years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only met my mother, father not around, she came over from Canada where she lives.

To be honest it wasn't unlike meeting someone from here socially for the first time.....gave her a hug, and talked for hours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi I am adopted !!!! Maybe I can help !! Met my birth parents

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its very sad that they werent able to look after you but they maybe did you a favour? you could of been much worst off if you stayed with them.

i met my half brother several years ago, we didnt realy have any thing in common though. my parents used to see him when they were alive but i dont think they were what you call close.

he told us when we met him that he couldnt of wished for better parents, his adoptive parents.

i think if you havnt grown up together it would be like meeting strangers only you are bound to be curious about them.

dont expect too much then you wont be disapointed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I met my biological father when i was 18, he left my mother when i was 2. The first time we met was awkward and tense so many questions but not knowing how to ask them and all the bad things my mom had said about him going around in my head. Left that first meeting with more questions than i had to begin with but eventually with more meetings we got up to speed and it was relaxed unfortunately some things are not meant to be and weve lost contact but all i can say is try to relax and listen to what they have to say without judging x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look into your real mothers eyes, there you will see the .

Depending on circumstances, it can be a heart wrenching decision to place your child in care.

But sometimes if you can't feed or provide stability for your child they may of had no choice.

Give this a chance, then you can tell yourself you tried, if it didn't work, but hopefully it does.

Her

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Look into your real mothers eyes, there you will see the .

Depending on circumstances, it can be a heart wrenching decision to place your child in care.

But sometimes if you can't feed or provide stability for your child they may of had no choice.

Give this a chance, then you can tell yourself you tried, if it didn't work, but hopefully it does.

Her"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"ok this might be abit weird to ask this but its my only hope to get some advice and tips...

i am meeting my biological parents in 2 weeks time iv never met them in my life other than sending photos and letters..

i grew up in foster care and in state care all my life and tbh and dont know what to expect or what to do or say..

i am angry at them at the same time now 25 years later with my own life i dont even know will i alow them in my life. and also our sons life its bin quite hard to get my head around this the past 2 weeks.

so any tips or advice would be very help full thanks guys "

i think in this situation people feel there will be an instant love or bonding. this is very far from the truth. its important that you get to ask/say the things you feel you need to. it will be a rocky road, a lot of talking, listening and acceptance will be required. go into this with no expectations and take eachday as it comes. i wish you the best of luck xx

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