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For the hard done by single blokes...

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By *eprobatepair OP   Couple
over a year ago

london

Ok first time I've started a thread but once again the "oh woe is me I'm a single bloke" cack rears it's ugly head.

So to repeat here are the facts of life gentlemen. Amended slightly from the original posting:

There is so much crap spouted about this (how tough it is as a single bloke).

OK some facts of life from the male half of a couple who had plenty of playmates as a single bloke. All told me by single girls...

1. Women hate wusses. Let me repeat that, women HATE wusses.

2. Be different, witty and amusing. Be a gentleman, be gentle, but be a MAN.

3. Don't whine, if you do whine at least offer people some cheese with it.

4. It's tough being a single bloke, and in other news today the sky is blue and the grass is green, get over yourself.

5. Don't be desperate. If you come across as gagging for a shag with anything with a pulse it demeans people.

6. Don't be pushy, be pully. Make people want to be with you, don't PUSH to be with them. This is a "swingers" site NOT an "I'm an easy lay" site. Ladies who swing are no more likely to drop their pants at the drop of a hat than non-swinging ladies. In fact they are often more discerning. If you want a slapper go to a Wetherspoons on a Saturday night.

7. Don't expect women to go weak at the crotch simply because you contacted them. If they don't reply, then, just maybe, they AREN'T INTERESTED. Be a man and deal with it.

8. Learn to kiss. Properly. Don't ram your tongue in like you are Gene Simmonds out of Kiss trying to lick out Cher. Very gentle brushing of the lips please. Let the girl introduce her tongue first. Then if the lady gets horny, push her away...guaranteed to make her hornier than ever.

9. Listen. Let me repeat that, REALLY, REALLY listen.

10. Walk away with grace and good humour if you are rejected, you never know if the person who rejects you might have a friend who she thinks you are ideal for..it's happened to me.

11. Don't play with a ladies nipples like you are tuning into Radio Caroline, or grab their pussy like you are trying to shove your fingers into a dyke like a little Dutch boy.

12. Smell good, floss, minty breath. Aftershave, no stubble unless they like it and tell you so.

13. If you have a large penis, congratulations. That doesn't mean that's all you have to have. If a large penis is attached to an even bigger prick, guess what? That makes you a big prick with a big penis.

14. Don't post whiney messages on the forum bemoaning the fact it's tough being a single bloke. Yes it is. Once again: GET OVER YOURSELF. Do you think whining makes you MORE attractive? Erm..let's see...NO IT DOES NOT.

15. For Debzstar's (and all the ladies sake) will list this separately: WASH your foreskin properly...

Any other suggestions ladies?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely agree with no. 6, if ive arranged to meet a bloke for coffee, and he decides to bring a friend, thats pushing specially when he keeps asking where i live to pick me up and talks of booking a hotel

No. 8, i once went out with a guy who dropped the bottom lip on kissing, was like a sucker fish which brings me to an addition:- If you arrange to meet someone, dont go home from work, eat dinner, put clean shirt on then go to meet smelling like a builders site . Another one; - If you know you cant handle alcohol, dont have a drink to steady your nerves . On the other side of the coin for no. 10, if you turn up and she's not your taste, have the decency to text her, not leave her standing there like an idiot

Last one;- if you see her online in the morning, dont ask if she wants to chat on msn, you may have yourself to get ready, she may have kids etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now that is complete truth!

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

if it one thing I hate as much as people moaning... be that single men that can't find meets... or for that matter couples that can't find single bi fems.. or timewasters (man, fem or couples) and so on and so on.... is being spoken down to... or being told the rules that one should follow...

it can be sound bordering on being really condesending....

let people find there own way... a lot can be said for individuality and the danger of threads like this is that you end up taking that out of the process....

you also end up doing a couple of things "inadvertantly"

a) make it harder for the people that actually do "get it"

b) make it harder for those looking to work out who actually does "get it" and those who are saying the right things just to get there leg over.....

which I am guessing leads to more people with things to whinge and moan about........

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By *ickmealloverWoman
over a year ago

a very plush appartment off junt 7 M5

I agree with _abio

I know what suites me and how I like to be approached

I think you can dish out a little advice but ultimately if how you contact people puts them off, then theirs a reason

Just move on to the next hit

You cannot please all of the people all of the time so why try?

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By *eprobatepair OP   Couple
over a year ago

london


"if it one thing I hate as much as people moaning... be that single men that can't find meets... or for that matter couples that can't find single bi fems.. or timewasters (man, fem or couples) and so on and so on.... is being spoken down to... or being told the rules that one should follow...

it can be sound bordering on being really condesending....

let people find there own way... a lot can be said for individuality and the danger of threads like this is that you end up taking that out of the process....

you also end up doing a couple of things "inadvertantly"

a) make it harder for the people that actually do "get it"

b) make it harder for those looking to work out who actually does "get it" and those who are saying the right things just to get there leg over.....

which I am guessing leads to more people with things to whinge and moan about........"

Fabio

Fair comment, and if it does sound condescending, then so be it. That's borne of frustration with hearing the same dull, negative whiney thing over and over and over again.

As you say, people should find their own way, be individual etc Some things really don't work, and some basic things like hygiene etc are universal. You DO get it. Sadly there are so many who do not.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I just think, if people have to be told how to act or speak, then they probably are the type that won't be reading or reading and disregarding what they read as tips on a forum anyway.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

Rugby, you beat me too it… great post, great advice but the guys who REALLY need to read it won’t read it… they don’t read, they don’t write, they don’t listen!

Being the male part of a couple I do all the legwork, sifting through the dross. When a guy comes along who is perhaps somewhat limited in experience, a bit over enthusiastic but otherwise ‘seems like’ he might be the one I’ve even tried offering them guidance when chatting with my misses but typically that doesn’t work either!

As a couple we seek single bi-guys but I’d say that 95% of the contacts we get start off with what they WANT to TAKE from us not what they are offering. No surprise really because indeed typically they have nothing to give. The few that do offer something is usually “VVWE bi guy text me”.

Sorry, all that was moaning LOL if I were to add anything to the OP’s advice list it would be not to understate the importance of getting first contact right. Now we aren’t bleedin experts in English BUT if a person cannot be bothered to use basic punctuation, nail a few sentences into two or three paragraphs and write words correctly not using abbreviated text how could he be of any use in the bedroom???

AND…. 10 out of 10 to the OP Reprobatepair… This hobby needs more guys like you.

Be lucky,

Dave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree that there is to much 'moaning' on some of these threads and I have been as guilty as anyone in the past, however people 'moaning' about others 'moaning' is just being hypocritical and contradictory, if people want a good moan then just leave them to it and dont respond, then maybe they will stop doing it. Giving them a lists of do's and dont's is not the answer and what works well for one person doesnt not necessarily work for another

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By *heWolfMan
over a year ago

warwickshire


"15. For Debzstar's (and all the ladies sake) will list this separately: WASH your foreskin properly... "

Shit. Someone phone Walsgrave hospital and ask if they have emptied the bins yet, I need it back. (It was 1987, if that helps)

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"

Fabio

Fair comment, and if it does sound condescending, then so be it. That's borne of frustration with hearing the same dull, negative whiney thing over and over and over again.

As you say, people should find their own way, be individual etc Some things really don't work, and some basic things like hygiene etc are universal. You DO get it. Sadly there are so many who do not."

Well if that is the case then the solution is simple...

Concentrate on those guys who DO "get it", leave those who don't to one side

some of them will work it out for themselves eventually...

some of them all this will end up flying in one ear and out of the other...

What I can't stand is that people want to "spoonfeed" all the rules to people... as if this is the way to get meets.......

so it worked for you and you are now a couple... good for you!!! I wish you well...... but it could be seen as coming across as all "high and mighty"

oooh just had a thought...my new catchphrase for threads like this...

don't preach, teach!!!...

teach the way of how you act,

teach in how you behave,

teach in how you interract with everyone...

If people look at your verifications... and see how nice and popular people are on the forums, I think that will make people think "hmmmmmmm... wonder what he does?" rather than a list of rules....

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By *ickmealloverWoman
over a year ago

a very plush appartment off junt 7 M5

In all honesty the men are not really hard done by

Those that know how to talk to people are successful

Those with less people skills are less successful

Maybe they're as they know their people skills get them nothing in the real world and they think this is easier

Who knows

But its not easier

And so as the saying goes, you get out what you put in

Invest in people skills

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This should be filed on wikipedia under "condescending".

How many "guides" does anyone need? This is the fifth or sixth time. Recycling is great but these forums take the cake.

All people ever need to do is show some respect. When it goes both ways we wont see any more of these so-called self help guides.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This should be filed on wikipedia under "condescending".

How many "guides" does anyone need? This is the fifth or sixth time. Recycling is great but these forums take the cake.

All people ever need to do is show some respect. When it goes both ways we wont see any more of these so-called self help guides. "

Have to agree,its unfair pointing the finger at single guys all the time.

We meet guys and have to say they have lovely,the "rules" or "guides" the OP has suggested could apply to anyone,not just guys!

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

What is the matter with the people on here??? I read this post as a "very tongue in cheek with an element of truth" bit of fun! Of course all "rules" don't suit everyone, but I'll bet at least one of those will fit most single guys on here and probably a good deal of couples!

One of the reasons we don't meet single guys anymore is because the ones we did meet hadn't benefitted from a list like this. One guy came round and as he got undressed, said that he hoped he smelt OK cos he was too nervous to have a bath! He was dressed and out of the hgouse quicker than a quick thing in the fast lane of the N71 (France!)

anyhoo, _eprobatepair, we thought is was funny and can see the truth in it as well. Ignore all these miserable buggers! lol

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By *unPeteMan
over a year ago

Near Bristol

Oh so that's where I've been going wrong

The list is on my fridge door now so I can try to memorise it every time I go for a munch!.

Saw the funny side but it's also a good reminder for the moaning mannies out there (aswell as me ) lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The thing is most of the blokes who do whine on here seem to come across as the "Somebody, anybody, please let me get my Nazzams" type. Acceptable if they were 14/15, but twenty years on, sadly not.

The thing is if all you're after is sex, it's a piece of piss, just go out on the pop on a weekend, a bloke gets offers left, right and centre! The reason this site, and others like it exist is to link people with others who share their interests and lack of inhibitions in general, as well as make friends in the process. It's not a last chance saloon for the needy and desperate like some think...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

most of the guys we chat to have all of the list...... hey and how about some cpls learning a few manners around here too..... some got manners in the gutter!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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By *ickmealloverWoman
over a year ago

a very plush appartment off junt 7 M5


"most of the guys we chat to have all of the list...... hey and how about some cpls learning a few manners around here too..... some got manners in the gutter!!!!!!!!!!!!! "

Oh I get loads saying

The wifes away for 2 days can I come see you

I say give her my number she can call me tell me its ok

And funnily enough, the wife never calls

wierd that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best Advice for Single Guys we have seen for ages! Shame it has to be repeated again and again.

As stated by another poster, those that should read it dont!!

We have placed similar posts in the past!

And from our profile, you can see we LIKE single guys! Just so many whining idiots out there who cant or wont read!

PS last addition!! Single Guys be patient, be flexible and have a sense of humour!

Well Done ! Carry On!!

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

Okay, was gonna be devil's advocate.. but think will rather be advocate for all sides this time around:

Yes, people will whine when they dont get their way - single guys,.. couples,.. even the odd single girl ("Girls just wanna have fun!")

Yes, its handy having a mental (quote: mental) note of how to behave (the uninformed will need a hard copy pressed onto a side of the face i suspect a couple of times)

Yes, those who are doing it right might feel they're being jumbled with everyone else.

But overall - the OP is funny I like it! Lol.

..Back out in the sunshine to take neighbours dogs for a walk...

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden


"..Back out in the sunshine to take neighbours dogs for a walk..."

That's no way to talk about his wife!!!

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex


"..Back out in the sunshine to take neighbours dogs for a walk...

That's no way to talk about his wife!!! "

shhhhhhhh... he's not supposed to know about that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Any other suggestions ladies? "

What a brilliant (and hilariously funny) manual - and coming from a man it should make an impact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Utter generalised rubbish.

Number 8 makes me cringe.

Once again we have a male imagining all females desire the same thing at all times. Reminds me of when teenagers think if you blow in a woman's ear she'll do anything for you.

Pugh me away and i'll punch your fucking lights out and leave

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By *eprobatepair OP   Couple
over a year ago

london

Well that caused some controversy. It's meant to be a cri de couer but with a hint of humour in it.

There is a book called "The Rules", there is also a book called "The Game", perhaps the idea may have been parody them but with some common sense thrown in.

Apologies to anyone who found the original post condescending.

The general aim was to belittle and patronise so clearly it was a little bit wide of the mark.

Will try harder in future.

It is the lowest form of wit after all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't apologise for posting a thread...if folk don't like it, they can write their own!

I was slightly bemused that those accusing you of preaching were actually preaching themselves, bit of a pot/kettle scenario.

I'm glad you posted it and wish more guys would read it. I'm tired of negative half ass attempts at messages from guys that moan about rejection. We women are putting ourselves out there too and it can be just as difficult, maybe for different reasons...

I think its quite a selfish attitude to say let these guys hang themselves on their own pity..unless they're concerned that they may have to step up their game??!

We're here for fun...play on :0D

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