FabSwingers.com forum: Is it wrong to ask why some one isn't interested

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Being a single man it is excepted that I have to make all the running.

I do message a lot of ladies, and I don't do the old cut and paste routine. I try to spend a little time reading some ones profile and tailoring a message that's appropriate.

Often I don't get a reply, this is fair enough I know that ladies get inundated (tho this doesn't make it any less disheartening)

Some times I do get a reply saying sorry not interested or some such generic brush off.

I often ask why this is, not because I think that everyone should fancy me but more from a prospective of trying to understand if I could have done something different in my initial approach. Or maybe there is something about my profile that I could change.

Obviously I'm only as attractive as I am but maybe there is something in the presentation that I could change.

If some one asks a serious question like this then what does it hurt to give an honest answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think, in this game, you're lucky to get a reply. Best left at that.as the other thread says, most people don't want to hurt feelings. So 'sorry not for me'is the answer.

You shouldn't change yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately on a swingers site, 90% is down to the way you look.

You can be the nicest gentleman that ever walked the earth, but if the ladies you email don't reply, its simple, they don't fancy you!

Yes, a good profile goes a long way, however if the fancy bit isn't there your scuppered from your initial message.

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

If someone asks us why we are not interested then we won't reply. Why because it is highly likely that it's not going to end well.

We would rather not know why someone is not interested, we just accept that they aren't.

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By *0shadesOfFilthMan
over a year ago

nearby

Try and work out what a single woman wants mate

Good luck.........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To keep ones pride intact - never ask why not...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just take it they dont fancy you then move on....i would never question why someone aint intrested

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

because the answer may offend. Not in an intentional way either - maybe you remind them of someone they know, have the same name as an ex.....

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

Not wrong as such, but I do find it bloody annoying...

People shouldnt have to justify themselves - if they are not interested they are not interested, and at least they had the courtesy to reply to the message.

Also Im never sure why people would want to be told they are too fat/thin/old/young/short/tall/too far/too near etc over and over again.

Id much rather be told, thanks but Im not interested and then leave ot at that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A smile is always more appealing then a serious face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

While I can't give you a definitive answer I do have a few observations on the matter from your post.

As you have mentioned, women do (or so I've been led to believe) recieve a vast amount of mail. I'm sure you aren't the first to have asked for feedback so just how long can you expect to sit and critique received mail? Also this brings up the issue that many women have said that they receive abuse if they reply and this is significantly reduced by not replying. I'm sure by this logic many would fear reprisals for their critique even if has been requested.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought the same in regards to approach but really just how useful would that feedback be? Everyone wants different things and no single approach would suit everyone anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A smile is always more appealing then a serious face

This is the sort of thing that's helpful thanks x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"because the answer may offend. Not in an intentional way either - maybe you remind them of someone they know, have the same name as an ex....."

Maybe, but if some one is reaching out to try and understand, also a little tact goes a long way.

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By *0shadesOfFilthMan
over a year ago

nearby

I would add that you (and me) are probably wasting our time with unqualified messages.

If you went through this site and removed all the listings with no photos, no recent veri's that would save a lot of bother

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By *oulcakeMan
over a year ago

Gornal

For me, if I get a not interested answer , I always thank them for their reply. Most people don't bother, leaving you wondering ,or simply delete the message. If you were in a pub or club and a woman polity said no thanks would you stand there and question her decision ? Don't take it personally matey. If your profile is true to you then keep at it. Choose your message recipients carefully and don't just throw messages out to all and sundry. Good luck to you .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not wrong as such, but I do find it bloody annoying...

People shouldnt have to justify themselves - if they are not interested they are not interested, and at least they had the courtesy to reply to the message.

Also Im never sure why people would want to be told they are too fat/thin/old/young/short/tall/too far/too near etc over and over again.

Id much rather be told, thanks but Im not interested and then leave ot at that.

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone, I'm just asking I'm not demanding.

Plus if you don't know what's wrong how can you fix it.

It maybe that I can't, I might just be the sort of person that women don't fancy. But conversely, I'm intelligent articulate and more than a little talented in the bedroom but no ones getting to see this.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"For me, if I get a not interested answer , I always thank them for their reply. Most people don't bother, leaving you wondering ,or simply delete the message. If you were in a pub or club and a woman polity said no thanks would you stand there and question her decision ? Don't take it personally matey. If your profile is true to you then keep at it. Choose your message recipients carefully and don't just throw messages out to all and sundry. Good luck to you .

You make a fair point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

does it make a difference why they arent interested?

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

just move on and find someone that does want to met you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have had a no thanks on line, and some time after met in a club with the very same couple and played...they tend to be unaware they said no previously online...

So the moral of the story is not to get overly upset about the no online

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By *spot50Man
over a year ago

rochester

If feed back is used to improve your prospects then asking has to be done politely, but not many women will answer due to back lash of abuse for the rejection that se guys get, just my thoughts on this

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By *onyandpam2Couple
over a year ago

Dublin

i think everyone should reply to any message sent..unless its rude..keep sending im sure you will find who your looking for..

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By *onnie and JohnCouple
over a year ago

WILTSHIRE

I know its shallow but your username puts me off, and the lack of profile, been said many times its your shop window, good luck with your search connie x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

IM my experience, very few ask but if they do i say why.

can you handle hearing your flaws is the question?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

"Try and work out what a single woman wants mate

Good luck........."

and if you manage to do this... sell the formula for £billions and never have to look for women again, with all that money you will be beating them off with a stick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!"

really?

so if they said they dont like your tone

baldness

build

cock size

dress sense

god knows what of how ever many things people may not like about you, you would really change these things about you in order to shag someone that doesnt really like you?

guarantee you wont get more sex, you will just lose a sense of who you are.

like i said, be with someone that likes you for you, and not something you could be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I know its shallow but your username puts me off, and the lack of profile, been said many times its your shop window, good luck with your search connie x

Oh really that's interesting, what about it is off putting

My username and profile can be changed easily enough.

So you think I should share more on my profile.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

it isn't wrong to ask someone why they aren't interested but it is a pointless excercise.

How do you envisage changing to suit someone, your manner, your dress code, your sexual preferences?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"IM my experience, very few ask but if they do i say why.

can you handle hearing your flaws is the question?"

Well I've spent my whole life being me, I already know I'm short bald and ugly, so that wouldn't be news. Some times it's not so easy how we come across to others it's this kind of thing that would be of interest.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!

really?

so if they said they dont like your tone

baldness

build

cock size

dress sense

god knows what of how ever many things people may not like about you, you would really change these things about you in order to shag someone that doesnt really like you?

guarantee you wont get more sex, you will just lose a sense of who you are.

like i said, be with someone that likes you for you, and not something you could be."

I'd happily change my dress sense, I'm a middle aged white man, let's face it I need help there. The other things can't really be changed can they.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it does hurt to give an honest answer though. i wouldnt want to say, why they arent my type they would think i was being rude. sometimes its because they remind me of other men i have met who i didnt like. also i wouldnt realy want to know why they dont want to meet me either, whats the point, im not going to change just so as i can get more sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"it isn't wrong to ask someone why they aren't interested but it is a pointless excercise.

How do you envisage changing to suit someone, your manner, your dress code, your sexual preferences?"

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By *osweet69Couple
over a year ago

portsmouth

"Try and work out what a single woman wants mate

Good luck........."
Not only a single one "any woman"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!"

Oh really?! You won't! If someone didn't like the size of your dick or your baldness or personality would you change them? You can't! So suck it up if someone says no

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"it isn't wrong to ask someone why they aren't interested but it is a pointless excercise.

How do you envisage changing to suit someone, your manner, your dress code, your sexual preferences?"

I am me, I'm not going to change myself to suit anyone, what we are talking about here is my online presentation and approach to messaging people.

And people change them selves for others every day. Why else would women bother to spend some much time on their appearance, or men money of flash cars. Generalising I know what you see my point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's why you need to send 50 emails a day or so to have someone to bite onit lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My main reason is that I don't fancy them or they are idiots. I could never tell somebody that so I just lie my way out of it as nicely as I can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!

Oh really?! You won't! If someone didn't like the size of your dick or your baldness or personality would you change them? You can't! So suck it up if someone says no"
He could get a wig...take a pic of hes cock next to a sky remote but hold the remote lower...as for the personality...just down a few beers and bobs your uncle lol

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By *rsK69Woman
over a year ago

Neath

I had this last night......a guy asked what I thought of his pics. I said he wasnt for me. He asked why? I said i didnt find him attractive. He asked in what way? Thats when the block button becomes your friend

If someone turns you down after seeing a face pic i think its pretty obvious they dont find you attractive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!

Oh really?! You won't! If someone didn't like the size of your dick or your baldness or personality would you change them? You can't! So suck it up if someone says no"

He could wear a wig and get a cock implant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A smile is always more appealing then a serious face

This is the sort of thing that's helpful thanks x"

No problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"it isn't wrong to ask someone why they aren't interested but it is a pointless excercise.

How do you envisage changing to suit someone, your manner, your dress code, your sexual preferences?

I am me, I'm not going to change myself to suit anyone, what we are talking about here is my online presentation and approach to messaging people.

And people change them selves for others every day. Why else would women bother to spend some much time on their appearance, or men money of flash cars. Generalising I know what you see my point"

It's a very good point, the advantage on here is that yiu can change nearly everything , as it's all bollocks anyway.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

Normally (when I reply to messages before some twit ruins it and I just go back to deleting without response) a simple thanks for the message but no thanks is sufficient, a few times people have asked why and I just say your not my type (if that's the reason obviously) only one guy then asked me why not and I just said he wasn't the type I found sexually attractive, he asked in what way....by this point he was getting on my nerves and I was having a shitty day so I told him, in detail!!!!

I've not done that since, I'd just ignore someone if they asked now. and I would never ask someone either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not wrong as such, but I do find it bloody annoying...

People shouldnt have to justify themselves - if they are not interested they are not interested, and at least they had the courtesy to reply to the message.

Also Im never sure why people would want to be told they are too fat/thin/old/young/short/tall/too far/too near etc over and over again.

Id much rather be told, thanks but Im not interested and then leave ot at that.

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone, I'm just asking I'm not demanding.

Plus if you don't know what's wrong how can you fix it.

Except we've only your word for that last paragraph and what's good for one person isn't the same for another. Not forgetting all that is irrelevant if the person you message doesn't fancy you or are you expecting someone to shag because you are intelligent and good in bed without fancying you

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"it isn't wrong to ask someone why they aren't interested but it is a pointless excercise.

How do you envisage changing to suit someone, your manner, your dress code, your sexual preferences?

I am me, I'm not going to change myself to suit anyone, what we are talking about here is my online presentation and approach to messaging people.

And people change them selves for others every day. Why else would women bother to spend some much time on their appearance, or men money of flash cars. Generalising I know what you see my point"

I see your point. So what you're asking is for suggestions for changing your profile and how you approach people?

Put more about yourself in your profile, say what things excite you sexually and what you're looking for. There is no need to be explicit although some are but if say for instance you enjoy watersports...say so, are you someone who likes gentle sensuous sex, do you liek to give a lasy a massage....all that sort of thing. Imagine what you would like to read in a a profile then make yours look like that

Good luck, join in the forums but stay positive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sometimes its just how it works the "not intrested" or "no sorry you arent for me"

being honest with me could be anything down to the profile photos the profile text or the veris or the ACTUAL MESSAGE that i get

gut feeling for me and just as the person thinks they match my imtrests my criteria doesnt mean they are actually my type

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!

Oh really?! You won't! If someone didn't like the size of your dick or your baldness or personality would you change them? You can't! So suck it up if someone says no

He could wear a wig and get a cock implant

Could imagine him banging away and his wig falls off lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!

Oh really?! You won't! If someone didn't like the size of your dick or your baldness or personality would you change them? You can't! So suck it up if someone says no

He could wear a wig and get a cock implant

Could imagine him banging away and his wig falls off lol"

Glue it on his head, or get a Wayne Rooney rug

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't change yourself, but certainly don't ask why they are not interested.

It can be seen as needy or begging everyone is worth more than that.

Plenty more fish in the sea as they say.

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!

Oh really?! You won't! If someone didn't like the size of your dick or your baldness or personality would you change them? You can't! So suck it up if someone says no

He could wear a wig and get a cock implant

Could imagine him banging away and his wig falls off lol"
Question is....your just about to cum and it falls off...do you tell him to stop or carry on

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

When I decline with my "I think we are looking for different things" I really do not want to be challenged on this as it might make me have to be more blunt and cause offense which I do not want.

If I choose to reply a second time, I would say something like "I am not attracted to you (r) profile". That usually works without further questioning.

I like the analogy with meeting somebody in a pub - we would not seriously consider questioning a polite disinterest in public- so why do it here and also, how would challenging the original rejection change things....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!

Oh really?! You won't! If someone didn't like the size of your dick or your baldness or personality would you change them? You can't! So suck it up if someone says no

He could wear a wig and get a cock implant

Could imagine him banging away and his wig falls off lol Question is....your just about to cum and it falls off...do you tell him to stop or carry on"

I would never play with him but if I had a choice I would tell him to stop so I could laugh, not because he was a wearing a wig as it would be pretty obvious but because it fell off lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!

Oh really?! You won't! If someone didn't like the size of your dick or your baldness or personality would you change them? You can't! So suck it up if someone says no

He could wear a wig and get a cock implant

Could imagine him banging away and his wig falls off lol Question is....your just about to cum and it falls off...do you tell him to stop or carry on

I would never play with him but if I had a choice I would tell him to stop so I could laugh, not because he was a wearing a wig as it would be pretty obvious but because it fell off lol"

lol

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

sometimes we reply to people who have things like "can lick a lady for hours, giving her oral is a must" that I don't liek to receive oral and...you've guessed it...the response comes back "it isn't vital". Same goes with profiles where there is a very strong emphasis on the lady being bi, we politely point out that I am not and again the response comes back that it isn't vital.

The point to the op is that if you try and change to fit in with other people it doesn't really work, we don't want to meet with people who have compromised one of their main requirements it seems pointless.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!

Oh really?! You won't! If someone didn't like the size of your dick or your baldness or personality would you change them? You can't! So suck it up if someone says no

He could wear a wig and get a cock implant

Could imagine him banging away and his wig falls off lol

Glue it on his head, or get a Wayne Rooney rug"

Lmfao!!! XD

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"sometimes we reply to people who have things like "can lick a lady for hours, giving her oral is a must" that I don't liek to receive oral and...you've guessed it...the response comes back "it isn't vital". Same goes with profiles where there is a very strong emphasis on the lady being bi, we politely point out that I am not and again the response comes back that it isn't vital.

i actually do scarcastic messages occasionally

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

i actually do scarcastic messages occasionally

do you!

I hate teh word naughty too, when referring to sex or cream cakes....enjoy it openly like an adult or don't have/eat it

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Not wrong as such, but I do find it bloody annoying...

People shouldnt have to justify themselves - if they are not interested they are not interested, and at least they had the courtesy to reply to the message.

Also Im never sure why people would want to be told they are too fat/thin/old/young/short/tall/too far/too near etc over and over again.

Id much rather be told, thanks but Im not interested and then leave ot at that.

^^^^^This!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op, I don't know what the average meet rate is for single guys on Fab but, from the veris you're showing from 4 different women, you look to have done pretty well.

How about asking the women you've met what attracted them to you, and go from there?

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By *rsK69Woman
over a year ago

Neath

" I'm intelligent articulate and more than a little talented in the bedroom but no ones getting to see this. "

Anyone who professes to be 'talented' in the bedroom must think that all women like the same things. Whatever it is you have done with whoever to make you think you are 'talented' could have the total opposite effect on someone else. Different women like different things so whereas you may please one you probably wont please them all with the same 'talent' if you get me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How about asking the women you've met what attracted them to you, and go from there?"

Seems the most sensible approach.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

" I'm intelligent articulate and more than a little talented in the bedroom but no ones getting to see this.

Put that in your profile. Say that you're talented but explain why, is it because you listen to what a woman is telling you with her voice and her body and take your cue from that or is it because like almost every other man on here you can breathe through your ears?

If you are intelligent and articulate show that through your text.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!

Oh really?! You won't! If someone didn't like the size of your dick or your baldness or personality would you change them? You can't! So suck it up if someone says no

He could wear a wig and get a cock implant

Could imagine him banging away and his wig falls off lol Question is....your just about to cum and it falls off...do you tell him to stop or carry on

I would never play with him but if I had a choice I would tell him to stop so I could laugh, not because he was a wearing a wig as it would be pretty obvious but because it fell off lol

lol

I'm a meanie aren't I? Lol

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"i think everyone should reply to any message sent..unless its rude..keep sending im sure you will find who your looking for.."

If my profile states white local subs only I would ignore a message from a black Dom in Manchester. I wasn't looking for pen pals but playmates.

I'm curious, do people who reply to every message regardless ever meet or just like the attention?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it's not wrong to ask but not sure why you'd want to....I would generally assume a 'thanks but no thanks' type of message translates as 'I don't fancy you'....

I indulged in this yesterday with someone and in the end it just got annoying & accomplished nothing.

don't dwell, move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you feel your strengths are being nice, friendly, articulate and kind, and these arent transferable on a computer screen or in a pic, then you have to choose a media that plays to your strengths, ie, clubs and socials.

somewhere that your apparent good personality, humour and good nature can come across well, and make the difference, as mostly, its the pics that get the most attention, fairly or not, and thats your first impression.

if the pics arent considered attractive, its an uphill battle to win someone over with humour or personality in the written form

(how about that, genuine proper advice lol)

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

"How about asking the women you've met what attracted them to you, and go from there?

Seems the most sensible approach. "

We have been asked this quite a few times on a meet (by singles and couples) and asked it a couple of times ourselves. Quite interesting the answers you sometimes get....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" I'm intelligent articulate and more than a little talented in the bedroom but no ones getting to see this.

No I don't think all women are the same, and I am not conceited enough to think I'd have a good connection with every woman. Women are as different as slow flakes and that's one of the things that's fantastic about you.

Different things stimulate different people, what I don't do is do the same things with every one, I try to listen to my partner subtly as well as overtly an very my response. Chemistry attraction and a million other things will also play their part.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the answer is no then you are just not for them. Theresis no need for people to justify why. If they have been gratious enough to say no thanks just leave it at that.

By the way: men don't have to do the running.Women can and do message people.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"if you feel your strengths are being nice, friendly, articulate and kind, and these arent transferable on a computer screen or in a pic, then you have to choose a media that plays to your strengths, ie, clubs and socials.

if the pics arent considered attractive, its an uphill battle to win someone over with humour or personality in the written form

(how about that, genuine proper advice lol)"

Thank you, so what your saying is although I'm bright an funny I'm ugly so I'm screwed ;-p

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By *ircumMan
over a year ago

Eastham Wirral

All pics are deceiving anyway most people look and act differently in real life

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!

Oh really?! You won't! If someone didn't like the size of your dick or your baldness or personality would you change them? You can't! So suck it up if someone says no

He could wear a wig and get a cock implant

Could imagine him banging away and his wig falls off lol Question is....your just about to cum and it falls off...do you tell him to stop or carry on

I would never play with him but if I had a choice I would tell him to stop so I could laugh, not because he was a wearing a wig as it would be pretty obvious but because it fell off lol

lol

I'm a meanie aren't I? Lol"

I'm never wearing a wig even if it did get me laid, I like being a slap head

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if the pics arent considered attractive, its an uphill battle to win someone over with humour or personality in the written form

(how about that, genuine proper advice lol)

Thank you, so what your saying is although I'm bright an funny I'm ugly so I'm screwed ;-p"

you were the one that said you are short, bald and ugly, no one else.

what im saying is, if you think your best points arent fairly represented in a photograph, then do something that would put your best assets on the front foot, ie, meeting people socially, in a swinging arena, where you can use your personality, humour and attentiveness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, its not wrong but for the other person, it can be tedious.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

if the pics arent considered attractive, its an uphill battle to win someone over with humour or personality in the written form

(how about that, genuine proper advice lol)

Thank you, so what your saying is although I'm bright an funny I'm ugly so I'm screwed ;-p

you were the one that said you are short, bald and ugly, no one else.

Sorry just failing miserably to inject a little humour, I do appreciate your comments tho

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No, its not wrong but for the other person, it can be tedious."

Yes I appreciate that, victim of your own popularity x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No but be prepared for an honest person to state why they aren't interested and take it on the chin. It might hurt a bit

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By *ixen and RudolphCouple
over a year ago

LUTTERWORTH

"Being a single man it is excepted that I have to make all the running.

I do message a lot of ladies, and I don't do the old cut and paste routine. I try to spend a little time reading some ones profile and tailoring a message that's appropriate.

Often I don't get a reply, this is fair enough I know that ladies get inundated (tho this doesn't make it any less disheartening)

Some times I do get a reply saying sorry not interested or some such generic brush off.

Obviously I'm only as attractive as I am but maybe there is something in the presentation that I could change.

If some one asks a serious question like this then what does it hurt to give an honest answer. "

Sometimes we do if the guy is polite and asks why. Its usually because he hasn't read our profile.

Sometimes when we give a polite no thanks we get abuse back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A large percentage of people on here like the same things when it comes to sex they just word it differently

So it must come down to first impressions

If you have face an body pics good or bad it will put you a head of those who don't

As for not replying, A no thank you would do me, And people who get upset about being blocked, If they are not interested in you why would you want to look/chat to them.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I wonder if the OP would dare to tell a woman why he'd turned her down. Or would he turn her down?

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By *helsea 22Woman
over a year ago

barnsley

usually it will be something you cant change, and even if they could, why would you?

Erm I don't know maybe cos then I'd get to have more sex?!

Oh really?! You won't! If someone didn't like the size of your dick or your baldness or personality would you change them? You can't! So suck it up if someone says no

He could wear a wig and get a cock implant

Could imagine him banging away and his wig falls off lol"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are multiple threads about this subject in the forums week after week.

The site created the wink button for this !

You wink, if they like you, they wink back, then you message. Simple !

It saves the multitudes of messages that you send to profiles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Strong thread OP.

In this thread the poster wants to know wether or not it ok to ask why a member of the opposite sex doesn't find him attractive.

This site caters for an almost unparalleled level of aesthetics over personality ratio.

Accept the facts.

Asking why is only likely to increase your lack of sex appeal, and make the ladies reach for the block button, then slump back in their chairs with a nervous 'whew'

People don't want to feel intimidated or weirded out in general ( obviously there's exceptions... Especially here) so best to move on and just paste into another box bro. Oh you don't do that... Course not

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"People don't want to feel intimidated or weirded out in general ( obviously there's exceptions... Especially here) so best to move on and just paste into another box bro. Oh you don't do that... Course not"

Seriously, this. I would be very weirded out by a guy saying 'But why don't you fancy me? WHHYYYY??'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seriously, this. I would be very weirded out by a guy saying 'But why don't you fancy me? WHHYYYY??'

Haha! Longtime no see old friend! Still reading the viz?!?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Seriously, this. I would be very weirded out by a guy saying 'But why don't you fancy me? WHHYYYY??'

Haha! Longtime no see old friend! Still reading the viz?!?

No, I've graduated to Private Eye

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seriously, this. I would be very weirded out by a guy saying 'But why don't you fancy me? WHHYYYY??'

Haha! Longtime no see old friend! Still reading the viz?!?

No, I've graduated to Private Eye

Just the kind of literature that is just that little too intellectual for me to truly appreciate.

On account of my lips moving silently when I read it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wonder if the OP would dare to tell a woman why he'd turned her down. Or would he turn her down?

If she asked, but I'm certain I'd do it in a tactful and diplomatic way.

Nothing wrong in the truth as long as your not being nasty

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Seriously, this. I would be very weirded out by a guy saying 'But why don't you fancy me? WHHYYYY??'

Haha! Longtime no see old friend! Still reading the viz?!?

No, I've graduated to Private Eye

Just the kind of literature that is just that little too intellectual for me to truly appreciate.

On account of my lips moving silently when I read it

I'm not always looking for intellectual blokes though

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Strong thread OP.

In this thread the poster wants to know wether or not it ok to ask why a member of the opposite sex doesn't find him attractive.

That's not quite what I was asking, I was asking what it was about my profile that was off putting, and if there was anything I could do to change it to improve my chances. I'm never gonna please everyone, cos a lot of the time the reasons why we don't like some one are subjective. But I have had some really useful suggestions from some posters that have genuinely been helpful. Also I have generated debate, and connected with people which is part of the point isn't it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If the answer is no then you are just not for them. Theresis no need for people to justify why. If they have been gratious enough to say no thanks just leave it at that.

By the way: men don't have to do the running.Women can and do message people."

I'm sure women do, but I'm fairly sure I'd still be a virgin if I didn't make the first move

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Op, I don't know what the average meet rate is for single guys on Fab but, from the veris you're showing from 4 different women, you look to have done pretty well.

How about asking the women you've met what attracted them to you, and go from there?"

I never said I wasn't able to meet women, or that I never got interested replies

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

this..

surely you cant be all things to all people and still maintain your identity..

tend to think people will be attracted to who you are, attributes, personality etc..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

this..

surely you cant be all things to all people and still maintain your identity..

tend to think people will be attracted to who you are, attributes, personality etc.. "

I have never said I would compromise my requirements, I also never said I was trying to fit in with other people. But that said don't we all modify our demeanour and behaviour to fit in with those around us. Can you honesty say you don't. It's called deplomacy it's called manners it's called fashion. And believe it or not these things are what we often judge others by. Not the only things granted. There is plenty of latitude given for a wash board stomach or large breasts. But if you arnt naturally blessed they are what you have left

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

more than welcome to ask....

just as I have the right not to answer!

if I am not interested I could be truthful, or i could mess with someones head if I wanted to...

I just decided to not answer...

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

What most fail to realise is that women weigh people up very quickly. This applies in real life too. Now, this may seem unfair but that's the way it is.

However, in real life there is the possibility that social interaction can overcome this initial judgement.

On here that is not necessarily the case. As soon as I see a face pic I know instantly if I may be interested in a meet. Whether I will or not will then depend on other variables on the profile.

My opinion is that this is more common on here than many would admit.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

"If some one asks a serious question like this then what does it hurt to give an honest answer. "

Because women often get loads of messages on here, and they're not here to spend hours personally counseling each one about why he isn't their type. That's just not fair.

This site is much more fun and less stress if you don't think about a message again after you've sent it. Then a reply is a nice surprise and a bonus, rather than an expectation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What most fail to realise is that women weigh people up very quickly. This applies in real life too. Now, this may seem unfair but that's the way it is.

However, in real life there is the possibility that social interaction can overcome this initial judgement.

On here that is not necessarily the case. As soon as I see a face pic I know instantly if I may be interested in a meet. Whether I will or not will then depend on other variables on the profile.

My opinion is that this is more common on here than many would admit."

No I don't think I have failed to realise this. Infact that's kinda the entire point of te thread. If I'm preaented in one way you may not be interested, but a change of photo and some different words in my profile may just may tip the balance the other way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i actually do scarcastic messages occasionally

do you!

I hate teh word naughty too, when referring to sex or cream cakes....enjoy it openly like an adult or don't have/eat it

bugger off you xxxxxx

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"What most fail to realise is that women weigh people up very quickly. This applies in real life too. Now, this may seem unfair but that's the way it is.

However, in real life there is the possibility that social interaction can overcome this initial judgement.

On here that is not necessarily the case. As soon as I see a face pic I know instantly if I may be interested in a meet. Whether I will or not will then depend on other variables on the profile.

My opinion is that this is more common on here than many would admit.

I think you misunderstood me. ONE look at a pic. That's it. If I'm not attracted to the pic I don't go any further so all the tweaking of the profile is irrelevant in that case.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you're ugly...your face pic on your profile looks quite endearing...your articulacy demonstrated in your forum posts in this thread isn't echoed in your profile nor is your apparent good humour...perhaps your text could be used to show that...it's also pretty much only about what you want not what you might have to offer or what would be in it for any woman who might give you a chance...

Just my two pennorth from someone you're not looking for who's not looking for you either so have no agenda...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't think you're ugly...your face pic on your profile looks quite endearing...your articulacy demonstrated in your forum posts in this thread isn't echoed in your profile nor is your apparent good humour...perhaps your text could be used to show that...it's also pretty much only about what you want not what you might have to offer or what would be in it for any woman who might give you a chance...

Just my two pennorth from someone you're not looking for who's not looking for you either so have no agenda...

Thank you for your reply, it is genuinely useful and exactly the kind of response I was hoping for.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think you misunderstood me. ONE look at a pic. That's it. If I'm not attracted to the pic I don't go any further so all the tweaking of the profile is irrelevant in that case.

No I think I got that from your first message

Your familiar with the concept of a bad photo. I'm not saying that any photo of me would be attractive to you but to another woman the difference between a good and bad photo might tip the balance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not wrong as such, but I do find it bloody annoying...

People shouldnt have to justify themselves - if they are not interested they are not interested, and at least they had the courtesy to reply to the message.

Also Im never sure why people would want to be told they are too fat/thin/old/young/short/tall/too far/too near etc over and over again.

Id much rather be told, thanks but Im not interested and then leave ot at that.

I completely agree, i even have it written on my profile in caps. But it never stops them asking.

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By *ocoTemptationMan
over a year ago

london

I would only get a twinge of curiosity if someone were to unexpectedly turn me down after several exchanges or close to an arranged meet. But even then I wouldn't dwell to much.

Id rather have no sex than the memory of a dull or bad sexual encounter.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I completely agree, i even have it written on my profile in caps. But it never stops them asking. "

Well I guess in your case I'd probably not ask you, you have said you also want a six pack an I ain't got one of those either.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I think you misunderstood me. ONE look at a pic. That's it. If I'm not attracted to the pic I don't go any further so all the tweaking of the profile is irrelevant in that case.

No I think I got that from your first message

Your familiar with the concept of a bad photo. I'm not saying that any photo of me would be attractive to you but to another woman the difference between a good and bad photo might tip the balance. "

I am also familiar with carefully shot photos and have been caught out by them in the past when I first started meeting. I am wiser now which is why my profile states people must have a clear face pic.

I always send a clear pic if I'm interested and do it early on. Usually in the second message. I have been turned down as 'not for me' on occasion. That's the way it goes. Can't be everyone's cuppa.

I also have a clear and honest body pic. No nasty surprises when any guy meets me and all have been complimentary once they see me in the flesh (though I'm not particularly susceptible to compliments).

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would only get a twinge of curiosity if someone were to unexpectedly turn me down after several exchanges or close to an arranged meet. But even then I wouldn't dwell to much.

Id rather have no sex than the memory of a dull or bad sexual encounter."

Don't get me wrong I don't cry into my milk,

As for dull sexual encounters, well that's up to me a lot if the time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If people give a no thanks without an explanation its pestering to go back to them I block if it happens as it tells me that person doesn't accept no and is definitely not for me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If people give a no thanks without an explanation its pestering to go back to them I block if it happens as it tells me that person doesn't accept no and is definitely not for me."

Well it must be liberating to be so sure of things. Tho I would argue that one message asking why you weren't interested probably doesn't constitute pestering. I guess you must get a lot of messages

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"If people give a no thanks without an explanation its pestering to go back to them I block if it happens as it tells me that person doesn't accept no and is definitely not for me.

Well it must be liberating to be so sure of things. Tho I would argue that one message asking why you weren't interested probably doesn't constitute pestering. I guess you must get a lot of messages "

I would consider that pestering too. It's a 'no thanks'. Nothing more is needed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I would consider that pestering too. It's a 'no thanks'. Nothing more is needed. "

Well if you read other parts if this thread I think I have explained my reasoning pretty well.

You don't owe anyone an explanation, and I'm not suggesting otherwise.

But don't you find it interesting to find out what other people think about you.

So is it needed, no. Is it interesting and possibly enlightening perhaps.

But I guess you will never know cos you just block

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally don't see how anyone knowing the reason, why they have been rejected is helpful, as its down the personal preferences ther reason they don't want to meet you is completely different to the next person you messsage and arent interested. The best you can do is carry on as you are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I personally don't see how anyone knowing the reason, why they have been rejected is helpful, as its down the personal preferences ther reason they don't want to meet you is completely different to the next person you messsage and arent interested. The best you can do is carry on as you are "

put in its simplest form - You cant please everyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm just glad everyone wants to shag me..though I wont shag them back

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm just glad everyone wants to shag me..though I wont shag them back

I don't know about that, judging by your veris you seem to have shagged the population of a small city

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

put in its simplest form - You cant please everyone"

No you can't please every one, but if I please one extra person I'm ahead arnt I

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By *layfulpairsxCouple
over a year ago

Southend

If someone rejects you. Move on.

Wittiness and confidence is attractive. Asking for further evidence of why you are not attractive to someone is not confident behaviour. It basically smacks of self pity.

You are a single, short, bald guy. GREAT! Use that to your advantage..:

"Darling with all the money I save on hair 'product' I have more cash to have fun. Oh and I bet I can be out of the shower and ready to go out faster than some guy who spends longer doing his hair than you do...smelling good. Ask nicely you can run your fingers through my hair...there is only the one and he may be a drop out...Who would you rather date?"

Or maybe you should apologise again...and ask why they don't fancy you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You are a single, short, bald guy. GREAT! Use that to your advantage.."

This had got to be the statement of the evening

In actual fact I have no problem with any of those things, I love being bald, I rarely bang my head and being single I'm the happiest I've been in a long while.

I have a self deprecating style of humour, in actual fact unless some one challenges me mentally I become bored quickly.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I would consider that pestering too. It's a 'no thanks'. Nothing more is needed.

Well if you read other parts if this thread I think I have explained my reasoning pretty well.

You don't owe anyone an explanation, and I'm not suggesting otherwise.

But don't you find it interesting to find out what other people think about you.

So is it needed, no. Is it interesting and possibly enlightening perhaps.

But I guess you will never know cos you just block

It has taken me to being in my 50s to realise that what random strangers think about me is completely irrelevant to my happiness and sense of self. I am not interested in what some guy on here I will never meet thinks of me.

I like me. My friends like me. My family likes me. Who else do I need to worry about? Analysing anything else is boring to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can we ask you a question?

Do you contact every couple or single woman on the site or do you only choose to contact those profiles you are attracted to?

If the latter is the case, do you contact the other profiles, the ones you do not find attractive and provide constructive, non abusive, criticism, to make them more appealing to you?

We doubt you do that, because it would be pointless. You like who you like and you cannot make others more attractive to yourself by asking them to change their profile, pictures or approaches to mail.

So if you cannot do that to others then why do you expect others to be able to do that to you?

Much better to take a non reply or a 'no thanks' on the chin and ask about how to improve your profile on the forums.

This allows you to receive objective suggestions from those who want to reply as how to approve your approach. It also allows those users who do not want to reply to questions from yourself, as to how to make yourself more attractive to them, from feeling, for want of a better word, pestered.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think for women we areTrying to get a feel for a guys character and the less detail there is the less there is to go on ! I used to politely reply to everyone but got told so many times"i tick all your boxes" blah blah that I don't now Make your opening line really interesting or a witty question. . Not. . Just fancy a fuck lol and always spell correctly and no text speak. ... its lazy. People are judgmental as much as they try to avoid it. Good luck!

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

You understand they are inundated. They've taken the time to reply with a no thanks and you still aren't happy?

This is the one of the reasons why so many women and couples don't even reply with a "no thanks". It opens the door to further unwanted messages.

Take note you of the "it only takes seconds to reply" crowd.

"You aren't my type" means I don't find you attractive.

This suggests, to an extent, you want to learn what to say/do in order to get what you want, rather than just being yourself. Personally I don't want guys who are pretending to be what I want just to get laid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You understand they are inundated. They've taken the time to reply with a no thanks and you still aren't happy?

This is the one of the reasons why so many women and couples don't even reply with a "no thanks". It opens the door to further unwanted messages.

Take note you of the "it only takes seconds to reply" crowd.

"You aren't my type" means I don't find you attractive.

But why????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think for women we areTrying to get a feel for a guys character and the less detail there is the less there is to go on ! I used to politely reply to everyone but got told so many times"i tick all your boxes" blah blah that I don't now Make your opening line really interesting or a witty question. . Not. . Just fancy a fuck lol and always spell correctly and no text speak. ... its lazy. People are judgmental as much as they try to avoid it. Good luck! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We heard you the first time lol

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"You understand they are inundated. They've taken the time to reply with a no thanks and you still aren't happy?

This is the one of the reasons why so many women and couples don't even reply with a "no thanks". It opens the door to further unwanted messages.

Take note you of the "it only takes seconds to reply" crowd.

"You aren't my type" means I don't find you attractive.

But why????

*Block*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You understand they are inundated. They've taken the time to reply with a no thanks and you still aren't happy?

This is the one of the reasons why so many women and couples don't even reply with a "no thanks". It opens the door to further unwanted messages.

Take note you of the "it only takes seconds to reply" crowd.

"You aren't my type" means I don't find you attractive.

But why????

*Block*

But why would you do that???? (can't find an emotion for needy... sorry)

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"You understand they are inundated. They've taken the time to reply with a no thanks and you still aren't happy?

This is the one of the reasons why so many women and couples don't even reply with a "no thanks". It opens the door to further unwanted messages.

Take note you of the "it only takes seconds to reply" crowd.

"You aren't my type" means I don't find you attractive.

But why????

*Block*

But why would you do that???? (can't find an emotion for needy... sorry)"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Can we ask you a question?

Do you contact every couple or single woman on the site or do you only choose to contact those profiles you are attracted to?

If the latter is the case, do you contact the other profiles, the ones you do not find attractive and provide constructive, non abusive, criticism, to make them more appealing to you?

So if you cannot do that to others then why do you expect others to be able to do that to you?

Much better to take a non reply or a 'no thanks' on the chin and ask about how to improve your profile on the forums.

Great idea, and that's exactly what I have asked in the post

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Can we ask you a question?

Do you contact every couple or single woman on the site or do you only choose to contact those profiles you are attracted to?

If the latter is the case, do you contact the other profiles, the ones you do not find attractive and provide constructive, non abusive, criticism, to make them more appealing to you?

So if you cannot do that to others then why do you expect others to be able to do that to you?

Much better to take a non reply or a 'no thanks' on the chin and ask about how to improve your profile on the forums.

Great idea, and that's exactly what I have asked in the post"

No it isn't. You asked if it's ok to ask why not when declined by people you've messaged.

You've not asked for feedback here.

Other forum users are not allowed to give unsolicited feedback on profiles.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This is a long thred you need to read thru it but I have definitely asked for feed back. Infact there was a whole flurry of posts saying that I shouldn't change myself to fit other peoples expectations.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"This is a long thred you need to read thru it but I have definitely asked for feed back. Infact there was a whole flurry of posts saying that I shouldn't change myself to fit other peoples expectations. "

Then you'd be better starting a feedback thread. This one seems to ask if it's ok to ask why when declined by individual people and couples.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

"IM my experience, very few ask but if they do i say why.

can you handle hearing your flaws is the question?"

I find that a polite but honest answer to this question often triggers abuse.

Attraction is very individual. Many on here don't smooth the way by having a poor profile and pics that look like they're from crimewatch!

Apparently telling someone their pics make them look like a thug mean that I'm a fat munter who shouldn't be so picky.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, it isn't ok to follow up a "no thank you" message with anything, although an "ok thanks for replying is tolerable"

If you get a meet would you arrive with a "why did you meet me" questionnaire?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally no longer reply to a "why" message once I have sent a no thanks, too often in the past it has lead into them trying to negotiate a yes.

I also deal with it enough in my real life , ie the three year old "but whhhhhyyyyyyyy can me not have chocolate buttons for lunch"

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By *ity Slickers PartiesCouple (MM)
over a year ago

Milan, Italy

Yes it's wrong because rule # 1 in the swinging scene is:

- No means NO and you do not ask why -

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately on a swingers site, 90% is down to the way you look.

You can be the nicest gentleman that ever walked the earth, but if the ladies you email don't reply, its simple, they don't fancy you!

Yes, a good profile goes a long way, however if the fancy bit isn't there your scuppered from your initial message.

Thats me goosed then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's no point asking why i don't think. It's not like she/he will change their mind. And plus, they may say something and it's going to end up lingering on your mind...and that's not worth it.

If they say no thanks or you get no reply. Just leave it at that. You can always say thanks for getting back to you and that's that.

I don't get why some individuals keep chasing, even after all this. I just don't get it. You won't be everyone's cup of tea.

Good luck anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I also deal with it enough in my real life , ie the three year old "but whhhhhyyyyyyyy can me not have chocolate buttons for lunch"

I'm betting you offer the 3 y/o an explication tho ;-p

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I also deal with it enough in my real life , ie the three year old "but whhhhhyyyyyyyy can me not have chocolate buttons for lunch"

I'm betting you offer the 3 y/o an explication tho ;-p

And probably an explanation

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

maybe a few reasons added like too far.. not my type ..not my age group etc

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By *eggaeloverMan
over a year ago

Bristol

[Removed by poster at 19/02/14 14:15:25]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I also deal with it enough in my real life , ie the three year old "but whhhhhyyyyyyyy can me not have chocolate buttons for lunch"

I'm betting you offer the 3 y/o an explication tho ;-p

Not really, My children get "because when mummy says no it means no!" Personally its good they learn to accept that from a young age.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes it's wrong because rule # 1 in the swinging scene is:

- No means NO and you do not ask why -

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I also deal with it enough in my real life , ie the three year old "but whhhhhyyyyyyyy can me not have chocolate buttons for lunch"

I'm betting you offer the 3 y/o an explication tho ;-p

Not really, My children get "because when mummy says no it means no!" Personally its good they learn to accept that from a young age."

Ah but when they get a bit bigger and mummy isn't there they will just do what they want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I also deal with it enough in my real life , ie the three year old "but whhhhhyyyyyyyy can me not have chocolate buttons for lunch"

I'm betting you offer the 3 y/o an explication tho ;-p

Not really, My children get "because when mummy says no it means no!" Personally its good they learn to accept that from a young age.

Ah but when they get a bit bigger and mummy isn't there they will just do what they want.

Fair point there was plenty of stuff my parents dont know i did, but that wasnt the point of the thread now was it, its your clear need for validation, otherwise why is it so important for the feedback?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I also deal with it enough in my real life , ie the three year old "but whhhhhyyyyyyyy can me not have chocolate buttons for lunch"

I'm betting you offer the 3 y/o an explication tho ;-p

Not really, My children get "because when mummy says no it means no!" Personally its good they learn to accept that from a young age.

Ah but when they get a bit bigger and mummy isn't there they will just do what they want.

then make up your own reasons why they dont want to meet you, and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a crazy thread which makes it easy for us to .... block the op ....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Look at it like a job interview, it's currently acceptable to ask for feed back when your unsuccessful, this is just the same. Women are always saying that men don't listen to them.

When I try to I cop flack

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look at it like a job interview, it's currently acceptable to ask for feed back when your unsuccessful, this is just the same. Women are always saying that men don't listen to them.

When I try to I cop flack

but you only apply for a job when there is one available or advertised.

do you only message people when they are advertising a meet, or on the off chance they are interested?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Look at it like a job interview, it's currently acceptable to ask for feed back when your unsuccessful, this is just the same. Women are always saying that men don't listen to them.

When I try to I cop flack

You're not listening to the no thank you I am not interested though, are you?

They aren't interested in meeting. They don't want to chat, discuss why or have you try to change their minds or get abusive.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You're not listening to the no thank you I am not interested though, are you?

They aren't interested in meeting. They don't want to chat, discuss why or have you try to change their minds or get abusive."

Hang on a minute, how are you such an expert on what I do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're not listening to the no thank you I am not interested though, are you?

They aren't interested in meeting. They don't want to chat, discuss why or have you try to change their minds or get abusive.

Hang on a minute, how are you such an expert on what I do.

look at the comment.

there is a question mark there.

she was asking you a question

much like you have defended your right to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd give up trying to reason to him everyone he's missing the point completely! and is obviously going to have a retort no matter what we say, which should be a clear inication as to why you are being so unsuccessful, you need to let things drop and move on gracefully. You asked if its ok to ask people to justify why they dont want to meet you and plenty have said it isnt sotheres your answer no more discussion needed really is there?

But if it makes you feel any better I wouldnt meet you as in my personal and honest opinion you have a poor attitude

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd give up trying to reason to him everyone he's missing the point completely! and is obviously going to have a retort no matter what we say, which should be a clear inication as to why you are being so unsuccessful, you need to let things drop and move on gracefully. You asked if its ok to ask people to justify why they dont want to meet you and plenty have said it isnt sotheres your answer no more discussion needed really is there?

But if it makes you feel any better I wouldnt meet you as in my personal and honest opinion you have a poor attitude"

This is a discussion forum. We have been having a discussion. I'm not missing the point, cos actually some people have said it's ok and I have had some very lovely feed back via IM

And I have never said anyone has to justify anything I asked if it was wrong to ask why some one wasn't interested.

Just because some one doesn't agree with you doesn't mean they have a bad attitued.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But if it makes you feel any better I wouldnt meet you as in my personal and honest opinion you have a poor attitude

This is a discussion forum. We have been having a discussion. I'm not missing the point, cos actually some people have said it's ok and I have had some very lovely feed back via IM

And I have never said anyone has to justify anything I asked if it was wrong to ask why some one wasn't interested.

Just because some one doesn't agree with you doesn't mean they have a bad attitued. "

thats last paragraphs is exactly what people mean when they get continued mail ping pong/unfair responses to critisms they have made, even when asked to do so

I said i find you to have a bad attitude, which was how i felt from reading this entire thread not merely because i disagree with you and im the one with the problem? if you ask for peoples honest opinions in discussions then take all/any critisms as constructive instead of relaying it back onto the person that gave it exactly like you just have done.

FYI if you ask someone for feedback as to why they dont want to meet them then YES you are asking them to justify their reasons and in my opinion its unfair to do so

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I never said you had a problem, and I'm perfectly happy with your opinion. I have actually really enjoyed hearing your views.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Look at it like a job interview, it's currently acceptable to ask for feed back when your unsuccessful, this is just the same. Women are always saying that men don't listen to them.

When I try to I cop flack

It's not a job interview!! Totally different paradigm.

There seem to be a lot of people who, in answer to your original question, have stated that no, it is not ok to ask why people are not interested.

So, that answers your question - the consensus on here is just that - no, it is not. Simple really.

Sorry if that was not the answer you were looking for, but there it is. A common opinion held by most of those who have answered your question.

Of course, you may disagree with them, but it should give you an insight into why you are not getting answers to your 'but why?' questions when people turn you down for a meet. They evidently hold the same opinion.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It certainly seems that way, and I have found out that this is actually quite an emotive subject too.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"It certainly seems that way, and I have found out that this is actually quite an emotive subject too.

You may not have intended to but, by relentlessly pursuing your insistence on it being acceptable in the face of the same consistent opinion from many, you have merely reinforced people's viewpoint that such questions can be considered as pestering.

In other words you came across, perhaps unintentionally, as one who would not let it go.

Eg.,

No thank you.

Why? I tick all your boxes?

Just not our/my type.

What type is that? Let me know as I may not have included that in my profile.

We/I am just not interested.

Why is that? What can I do about my profile?

Look you are just not for us/me. Thank you.

In what way though? You haven't even explained it.

We/I don't have to. You are now pestering and will be blocked.

Etc, etc.

Ok now that may be an imaginary scenario but that is how you may be coming across. Or at least your insistence in a dialogue beyond a simple 'no thanks '.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No thank you.

Why? I tick all your boxes?

Just not our/my type.

What type is that? Let me know as I may not have included that in my profile.

We/I am just not interested.

Why is that? What can I do about my profile?

Look you are just not for us/me. Thank you.

In what way though? You haven't even explained it.

Heyyyy you stole my script

Dandy

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"No thank you.

Why? I tick all your boxes?

Just not our/my type.

What type is that? Let me know as I may not have included that in my profile.

We/I am just not interested.

Why is that? What can I do about my profile?

Look you are just not for us/me. Thank you.

In what way though? You haven't even explained it.

Heyyyy you stole my script

Dandy

I don't think so. Mine is copyrighted. Do not copy it again on a public forum again without permission or I shall be forced to take action. My solicitor's name is Sue Urass of RobConAndScamem Solicitors at Law.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP I think to be fair I think the general consensus is no you don't need to ask why. You are not doing yourself any favours by trying to justify why you want feedback. As forrit being like a job interview .....jeez

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP I think to be fair I think the general consensus is no you don't need to ask why. You are not doing yourself any favours by trying to justify why you want feedback. As forrit being like a job interview .....jeez

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