FabSwingers.com forum: How do you....

By *lgernon OP Man
over a year ago

cupar

....introduce vanilla people to swinging/ non monogamy?

Out on the town there have been a few people I've clicked with and seen a few times. Folks tend to assume after a while that we're exclusive.

Question: How do you explain to someone that knows nothing about the scene that you really like them as a person but see no reason to just sleep with them alone?

I'm getting all this drama from people feeling betrayed and jealous when I raise the issue. Surely I dont need to give up on cruising the general public.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what ??????????????????????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So your having some fun with someone who thinks your exclusive and you havn't told them your a swinger and they are just part of the fun yeah..

Maybe.. try just sitting them down one day and explaining you play as a swinger.. not exclusive lol.. its best to be honest from the off.. leaving it just lets them think more eh..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"....introduce vanilla people to swinging/ non monogamy?

Out on the town there have been a few people I've clicked with and seen a few times. Folks tend to assume after a while that we're exclusive.

Question: How do you explain to someone that knows nothing about the scene that you really like them as a person but see no reason to just sleep with them alone?

I'm getting all this drama from people feeling betrayed and jealous when I raise the issue. Surely I dont need to give up on cruising the general public.

Always start as you mean to go on because you cannot change the terms after the fact so just tell them up front that you like to play with more than one partner then they have the choice of weather to stick around or not but at least they are not led on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your seeing someone sexually or otherwise, let them know what it is you want from them in the beginning.

If its "just" for sex then tell them honestly.

If its for just "friendship" then also tell them.

Then they cant come back at you and say otherwise.

well they can but it will hold no water .

honestly from the start is the answer.

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

I'm getting all this drama from people feeling betrayed and jealous when I raise the issue. Surely I dont need to give up on cruising the general public.

Are you for real?

FFS...... if you are really into the swinging scene, be honest from the first date.

When I used to date in the vanilla scene I was always honest and I expected honesty in return.

If you carry on swinging whilst starting a relationship with a vanilla, then it's CHEATING. There are no ifs, buts or wherefores......... it's cheating.

And the cheating debate willrage on within swinging sites for the next millenia....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may be very suprised at female (in your case) or male reactions, if you tell them from the start.

After all at the begining you have nothing to lose by telling the truth.

If you leave it and then tell you are storing up a whole lot of heartache

People like truthful people.

Craig x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be honest with them, if your having casual sex with someone tell them before hand its just sex, swinging or no swinging everyone deserves the truth and i think most none swinging people see sex as some sort of commitment, you dont have to tell them your a swingers, loads of guys dont swing but sleep about, so long as you tell them its only sex your after your at least doing the right thing, may loose you a shag but then wether you tell them before or after you've had what you want out of them shows what kind of person you are

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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

"how do you.... introduce vanilla people to swinging/ non monogamy?

Out on the town there have been a few people I've clicked with.....

Well kinda on topic - can any one advise on how to go about it as a couple, trying to pick up vanilla's at local pubs/nightclubs?

We sometimes go to what you would probably call 'pick up joints' usually we try 70's/80's retro bars like reflex in our local town centre where there are a wide range of people basically out on the pull

We've tried a couple times to pick up vanillas for 3 sums or 4 sums but so far had no luck whatsoever in actually managing this feat

How would you go about that? We normally just end up scaring them off lol after the flirting stage when they find out what we have in mind... so we could do with some good advice ourselves we can't be the only swingers who've played this game

xxxxx

Ju & Rich

xxx

j&r

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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

Actually the last time we tried, after some very raunchy dancing the other guys wife physically dragged him away from us when we told him what we had in mind....

xxxx

j&r

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you must tell her now.....your cheating otherwise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont think i would try and pick vanillas up for any fun.

The wife of said guy would kill me lmao

its the Big JEALOUSY thing again and stronger with vanillas.

im gonna keep my fun for swingers only im afraid but i do wish you luck

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By *teve_SoleilCouple
over a year ago

Malaysia

if he's not seeing someone...how can he be cheating?

I mean at least we don't straight away turn into swingers the day we got together...same like we don't just have sex from the first date..:D

That is if you are looking for a serious relationship...

If you are not looking for a long term partner...but looking for a fuck buddy...then it doesn't have to be your first word but you could it ease before it becomes serious...

My advice, go slowly...things people don't know are harder to compromise...they might even not know what a swinger is..:D..

Best thing to do, is to drop subtle hints and questions about the lifestyle and see her/their reactions...:D..

How bout go out on a double date with a swinging couple who are open about their sexuality...so she/they have an idea of how a swinging couple looks like.

Sometimes, you'll find out even if they like the idea they'll sometime takes a step back out of fear/shy of the unknown...:D

So patience, and always tries to show you are not looking to get too serious into the relationship by flirting/sexing with other girls/couples from the first date...

P.S: Even when a women is looking for one night stand, telling her straight in the face usually don't give good results. You may not want to hurt people, but some assume too much and get hurt easily. Some girls think that a kiss in the cheek means it's serious....:D...so you can only try...

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"how do you.... introduce vanilla people to swinging/ non monogamy?

Out on the town there have been a few people I've clicked with.....

Well kinda on topic - can any one advise on how to go about it as a couple, trying to pick up vanilla's at local pubs/nightclubs?

We've tried a couple times to pick up vanillas for 3 sums or 4 sums but so far had no luck whatsoever in actually managing this feat

xxxxx

Ju & Rich

xxx

j&r

We would never go there with couples......vanilla couples can be full of talk and flirting and ive seen it with my own friends but the minute things get a bit serious they back off scared.....I have a friend who whenever she has a drink turns Bi and will be all over me like a rash so one night I told her that if she touched between my legs one more time id throw her to the floor and fuck her! she backed right off! because to her its just playful flirting and nothing more than that lol

Why would you set yourself up for trouble in vanilla surroundings when theres so many other places you can have fun

However a couple of times we have pulled guys for a 3 sum when in a normal night club when we first started swinging.....very happy about it they were too lol

But couples is a whole different matter

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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

Why would you set yourself up for trouble in vanilla surroundings when theres so many other places you can have fun "

The sexual fantasy and excitement of the idea?

However a couple of times we have pulled guys for a 3 sum when in a normal night club when we first started swinging.....very happy about it they were too lol

But couples is a whole different matter"

Yes the only time we suceeded was with a single guy, on our first attemp - but it was just too easy.

The one time we tried to pull a single fem at a vanilla pickup joint didn't work either lol though Ju thinks it was the way Rich approached her that wasn;t the right way

Surely there are others who have done this and succeeded we didn't think it was that strange a game to play lol

xxxx

Ju & Rich

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Why would you set yourself up for trouble in vanilla surroundings when theres so many other places you can have fun

The sexual fantasy and excitement of the idea?

However a couple of times we have pulled guys for a 3 sum when in a normal night club when we first started swinging.....very happy about it they were too lol

But couples is a whole different matter

Yes the only time we suceeded was with a single guy, on our first attemp - but it was just too easy.

The one time we tried to pull a single fem at a vanilla pickup joint didn't work either lol though Ju thinks it was the way Rich approached her that wasn;t the right way

Surely there are others who have done this and succeeded we didn't think it was that strange a game to play lol

xxxx

Ju & Rich"

If im honest I think its a dangerous game to play but who knows? you may get lucky yet....good luck

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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

Hey don't worry honeypot it's not something we do really regular - it came from the fact that before we were swingers we used to go out sometimes on a Saturday night, go for a meal. then go to one of the local retro clubs (usually the one with the illuminated saturday night fever style dancefloor) for a good boogie and get rather d*unk lol.

Since we started swinging we have been for similar nights out a few time when we are not shagging stranges (or friends). It's really a funny thinig going to what is basically a pick up joint when you are swingers - you kinda feel 'empowered' over the vanillas in a way that's hard to explain - and we'll normally get goind on the dancefloor nd kinda play up a bit with each other. Ju dresses so sexy on these nights, for our own pleasure, that we kinda draw a bit of attention. So from this we got on to the 'could we really pull a vanilla fem or couple?' scenario.

So far - not a chance - but then it is not something we do that often. But like you say we could get lucky

xxxx

Ju & Rich

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"Hey don't worry honeypot it's not something we do really regular - it came from the fact that before we were swingers we used to go out sometimes on a Saturday night, go for a meal. then go to one of the local retro clubs (usually the one with the illuminated saturday night fever style dancefloor) for a good boogie and get rather d*unk lol.

So far - not a chance - but then it is not something we do that often. But like you say we could get lucky

xxxx

Ju & Rich

LOL I just don't want to read a thread on a monday morning called "how Rich got his black eye and broken nose!"

I know what you mean about vanilla nights out though......there always seems to be something missing

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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

Hehe well we hope not - but last time we tried this some guy (who we already told our names and mentioned what we had in mind) told the DJ there were a couple of swingers in the bar, and what do you know..... he announced it!!

That got quite a cheer (phew), hopefully though not too many knew it was us lol

xxxx

Ju & Rich

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

"Hehe well we hope not - but last time we tried this some guy (who we already told our names and mentioned what we had in mind) told the DJ there were a couple of swingers in the bar, and what do you know..... he announced it!!

That got quite a cheer (phew), hopefully though not too many knew it was us lol

xxxx

Ju & Rich"

Its all a bit hip hop hazzard really!!!

I never really knew what swinging was until Jan/Feb - when met a single guy off a vanilla site.

He just mentioned in passing that "his friend" was - so i asked for more details being the inuisitive type.

Have also (unknown to him at that time played before just not under the "banner" of swimnging!!!)

It ended up that he introduced me here and left me- i am now playing and he has gone off with a vanilla relationship!

SO one never can tell.

So long as all are having fun, not breaking up relatioships- which vanillas do more of TBH

All play fair and play well

We are all here to live life and enjoy it to the full xxxx

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