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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

How do people feel about meeting a couple where it appears that one partner(male or female) is not really there because he/she wants to be but more because the partner wants them to be.

How would you spot?

What do you do when you spot the signs?

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By *tockingloversukCouple
over a year ago

canterbury

[Removed by poster at 27/03/10 13:18:27]

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By *tockingloversukCouple
over a year ago

canterbury

I think you have to be careful that "shyness" isn`t taken as un-willingness

We are no longer freinds with a couple who thought that Stocking wasn`t willing for male attention even though we had happily played on a few occasions before.....the reality was that it was the first time we had played in our own house ( where she wasn`t totally comfortable - nosey neighbours for a start!!! )

The worst bit was that instead of asking if there was a problem, they just ignored us until I asked why they were being like that?

I suppose the upshot is that we all lost out....us for being shy and them for not knowing what to do when they thought they spotted the signs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Met a couple like this in a club once, he was stripped, into the jacuzzi ready for everything, his wife sat at the bar nursing her coffee and pulling her jumper closer round herself.... very obvious body language from both.

Once I got talking with the wife she admitted it was for her husband she was there, it held no appeal to her whatsoever.

I assured her in that particular club there was no play unless she wished it, and as she didn't no man or woman would put pressure on her to play (her hubbby was a different story) so to relax enjoy the chat and the social side of things which she did manage to do.

I've seen it happen a couple of times since then, usually it's the female of the couple and she freezes during play and can go no further, but I think most third parties involved in that situation take that as their cue to stop, socialise reassure and perhaps make their excuses and leave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How do people feel about meeting a couple where it appears that one partner(male or female) is not really there because he/she wants to be but more because the partner wants them to be.

How would you spot?

What do you do when you spot the signs?

"

Have experienced this once in a club...just stopped play ...and ...left the room...in this case whilst flirting and touchy feely...we did genuinely mistake reluctance for shyness...nothing is more of a turn off for us ...apart from couples with loads of drama and issues...we avoid like the plague.... advice would be ..sort your shit out or dont swing...it spoils the fun for yourselves and others...just my 2p...moody..due to My man being away..and a jaffa cake issue..

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By *he WabbitsCouple
over a year ago

Bromsgrove

We had a situation in a club once where we got chatting to a couple and he did all the talking and she just sat there and occasionally nodded. He was saying that she really wanted to have an experience with a woman. We bumped into them later in the hot tub and again he was saying the same so Nicci slowly leaned towards her as if she was gonna kiss her and quietly asked her if this was what she wanted and she simply shook her head..she looked like a rabbit in the headlights. So she told her "don't do anything your're not comfy with, it's your body if you don't respect it who will?" She said thank you and finally stood up for herself and told him it was not what she wanted. We have always made it clear that unless both are comfy we won't play...full stop!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to meet couples as well as single fems but after a few meets where it was clear it was only for the man's benefit I have changed my preferences.

Does it happen the other way round, where the male is not into swinging but the female is?

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By *zMaleMan
over a year ago

penzance

My late wife and I used to have a secret sign we'd give to each other, if we were happy to go ahead. If we both gave it YIPPEE let the fun begin.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think you have to be careful that "shyness" isn`t taken as un-willingness

We are no longer freinds with a couple who thought that Stocking wasn`t willing for male attention even though we had happily played on a few occasions before.....the reality was that it was the first time we had played in our own house ( where she wasn`t totally comfortable - nosey neighbours for a start!!! )

The worst bit was that instead of asking if there was a problem, they just ignored us until I asked why they were being like that?

I suppose the upshot is that we all lost out....us for being shy and them for not knowing what to do when they thought they spotted the signs."

Can understand that... a gentle enquiry, subtle question could have prevented this and you would still be friends now. What a shame.. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Met a couple like this in a club once, he was stripped, into the jacuzzi ready for everything, his wife sat at the bar nursing her coffee and pulling her jumper closer round herself.... very obvious body language from both.

Once I got talking with the wife she admitted it was for her husband she was there, it held no appeal to her whatsoever.

I assured her in that particular club there was no play unless she wished it, and as she didn't no man or woman would put pressure on her to play (her hubbby was a different story) so to relax enjoy the chat and the social side of things which she did manage to do.

I've seen it happen a couple of times since then, usually it's the female of the couple and she freezes during play and can go no further, but I think most third parties involved in that situation take that as their cue to stop, socialise reassure and perhaps make their excuses and leave."

We were in a similar situation last summer but in was in somebody's house. When we noticed there was reluctance my partner subtly brought the conversation round to mundane things like work, gardening and kids... and we made a polite exit after that. The evening was still enjoyable, nobody was traumatised and or lost face, and we lost touch with them on MSN over a period of time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I used to meet couples as well as single fems but after a few meets where it was clear it was only for the man's benefit I have changed my preferences.

Does it happen the other way round, where the male is not into swinging but the female is?"

Oh yes, we had that experience last summer, too and sadly when we politely declined to meet again said female became very abusive, making calls to our mobile in the middle of the night shouting foul abusive language at me, the female, as she assumed it was me who had stopped the meeting. So it happens both ways

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've seen it happen both ways too.

Once met a couple for a drink. It was purely social but we could tell straight away that the lady wasn't comfortable with the situation. A little later, after 2 glasses of wine, she did loosen up a little but it was too late for us. We could tell she wasn't comfortable with the whole thing and if someone needs a drink to be 'into' it then that's not for us.

On the other hand we got chatting to a couple and something just didn't feel right. The woman was leading the whole thing and the guy was really quiet and subdued. We never met them but we soon found out that he was just in it to keep her. He felt that if he didn't meet others/let her meet others then he would lose her. In the end they both disappeared from here and we've not seen them since. I hope they worked things out as they were, otherwise, a really nice couple.

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

There`s also the scenario of the reluctant female turning too enthusiastic for the encouraging and now jealous male! Haven`t actually seen it but heard about it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

loook if they cannot handle it tough tittie.

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside


"How do people feel about meeting a couple where it appears that one partner(male or female) is not really there because he/she wants to be but more because the partner wants them to be.

How would you spot?

What do you do when you spot the signs?

"

There would be many ways to spot the signs. If I met a couple and felt either the male or female had been pressurised or coerced into swinging I would leave.

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By *heWolfMan
over a year ago

warwickshire

If I feel there's an "atmosphere" with a couple, I'll make my excuses and leave. There is nothing worse than either party not being 100% up for it.

Worst I have seen was a chap who took his wife to a club....."she'll change her mind and enjoy it when she gets there". Oh dear, oh dear.....you can guess the mayhem that ensued!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Subtle signs are nail marks on the wall where she/he has been dragged down stairs

She/he is siting in their best work clothes with no makeup/shave

She/he watching telly or on comp when everyone talking

And the most obvious one she/he bound by hand and foot to the chair lol xxx

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

lmao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And yet i'm that type of person when i think about it i have sat there not really talking to the person we are meeting while hubby chats away about various things and feel like all i want to do is get the guy into the bedroom pulls his clothes off and start having fun lol i come across sometimes as a bit of a wallflower espec at clubs where i dont know anybody as i like the other person to sort of make the first move not knowing if they really fancy me, so what we have come up with is this i will sit on the settee next to the person we are meeting and give hubby the "signal" for him to bugger off for 10 mins so i can have a bit of time alone it usually ends up with hubby walking back into the front room with me kneeling between the guys or womans legs and him saying "oh hello i see youve go to know each other quickly" lol

So not so much unwilling but hesitant for the initial contact to be made between us xxx Lois xxx (is a tart to be honest)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we were at a party last night, it was so obvious one of the ladies wasnt happy being there, she was a lovely girl but you could tell it wasnt her scene.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"we were at a party last night, it was so obvious one of the ladies wasnt happy being there, she was a lovely girl but you could tell it wasnt her scene."

Ouch, you saw me then ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Easy peasy this one is. I played with a couple, she kept disappearing off for a smoke and a drink leaving me with partner, the icing on the cake though was the text from him in the morning as i was walking home, that he enjoyed it more when she wasnt around to me thats not a couple, he wants to play, she doesnt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I actually got a mail from the female of a couple quite a while back, and she openly stated that she was only doig it for her husband but would I meet them

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By *oobCouple
over a year ago

Netherlands

We met a couple in a jacuzzi in a club and ended up "swapping massages" in the water massage room.

He didn't seem quite happy with the attention his woman was getting.

End of the day Mrs Doob ended up getting a "sports massage", and had muscle pain for days afterwards.

Heh, and she thought she had it made, he was quite an Adonis if memory serves.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I actually got a mail from the female of a couple quite a while back, and she openly stated that she was only doig it for her husband but would I meet them

"

That can be a bit of a turn off I guess, I mean I(female) can understand wanting to arrange something for my partner and I have done so in the past...as he has for me... but neither of us would ever "sacrifice" ourselves. It needs to be a mutual thing, otherwise it could lead to problems?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I used to meet couples as well as single fems but after a few meets where it was clear it was only for the man's benefit I have changed my preferences.

Does it happen the other way round, where the male is not into swinging but the female is?"

myself and a playmate came across that in a club.. it was so obvious that he didn't want to be doing what his wife wanted.. totally spoiled things.. was our 1st full swap experience.. oh well.. can't win em all

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