FabSwingers.com forum: single guys tantrum

By *umps OP Man
over a year ago

city

As a single guy... I do understand and respect that not everyone on the site is entertaining us single guys....though some of you i guess have had sone bad experience with single guys.. Like being called names just cause you wouldn't meet..

Anyway my point is.. When myself and other single guys message other members either single girls or couples..although mostly both.. Most just delete the message sent and never even make an effort to reply.. Why can't one just say "thanks for the message and then say either no thanks..or perhaps something else if the message got your attention... After all.. Im sure most single guys here make a good effort in entertaining on their first message to the recipient...

And by the way to all happy Christmas and happy new year.. And may the new year give you many fond memories.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

If you do a forum search you will find that this question has been answered.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you any idea of the number of guys on fab compared to Ladies?

Try this, search your area for single Fems wishing to meet single guys then count how many are on line at that moment.

Then reverse the search looking for men seeking Ladies and then count them

Then you might understand why they do not reply to every message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is the answer because the single guys that are so needy as to feel they deserve a reply are also the ones that will reply back to tge reply expecting an explanation or trying to get the sender ro change their mind?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At first we would reply. Some took this as a signal we wanted to strike up a conversation. A few got abusive when we did not reply to their second message.

Now just find it easier to delete.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is the answer because the single guys that are so needy as to feel they deserve a reply are also the ones that will reply back to tge reply expecting an explanation or trying to get the sender ro change their mind?"

Hmmmm can you change that to SOME single guys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly an embarrasment of riches of singlies means couples/fems can be overwhelmed with mail. Not practical to reply to all and yes wary of abuse from those who dont make the cut.

Seasons greetings to all but especially the genuine single men here to have fun and not timewaste, hassle, perve and otherwise give us all a bad press.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

without the tantrums, the dramas would be a lot less.

some of us, love them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of females and couples will read a profile before reading the message. If the profile is not compatible then the message is irrelevant and then deleted.

Nothing to get upset about it saves a lot of wasted time for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a single guy... I do understand and respect that not everyone on the site is entertaining us single guys....though some of you i guess have had sone bad experience with single guys.. Like being called names just cause you wouldn't meet..

And by the way to all happy Christmas and happy new year.. And may the new year give you many fond memories."

Dude its called FLOODGATES

SOME guys but not all see it as a green flag to mail again and try and change a woman mind. They don't know who will pester or not is it really so hard not to take the "Message deleted" as a no thanks? Personally I and the majority of guys on here are fine with that its fair and I personally don't think every woman or couple should have to spend 30 mins or more sending out no thanks messages to people declining them as it may just make some think the site is not worth it and leave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *aro7Man
over a year ago

wickford

The problem is, as the other gentleman said, was ratio. Sometime back the ratio was considerably less, over the last few years the number of single fellas that have cottoned onto this is amazing,,,,,, and quite frankly I don't blame the women or couples deleting, it must get ridiculous the amount they get bombarded with, i mean to be perfectly honest, I would like, a yes please or a no thank you but,,,,,,,,I don't see how it would be viable,,,,,,,,also for us chaps who are getting slightly older,,,,,,,the new breed are on the way, there are many young people on here now,,,,,,,,,and I've noticed that the age range required is dropping,,,,,,,,so, I think we have to go with the flow, roll with the punches,,,,,,,,,,I thank you, merry Christmas.

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

"Lots of females and couples will read a profile before reading the message. If the profile is not compatible then the message is irrelevant and then deleted.

Nothing to get upset about it saves a lot of wasted time for them."

Yup, this was my approach when I was meeting single men. Also, if you reply you then have the issue of having to block if you change your filters, and many guys see it as an opening to start a whole dialogue - why not, let me change your mind... this is meant to be fun not hard work! Take a delete as a polite no thanks.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

And by the way to all happy Christmas and happy new year.. And may the new year give you many fond memories."

no offence... but what would you like people to say

"no thank, but way to go champ!!!!"

A bigger and bigger part of the issue is that people feel owed in some way a reply because they send out mail...

I dont see many people replying to cold calling or junk mail.....

maybe a mindset adjustment is needed... in the fact that every mail should be a no thanks until you hear back otherwise...

actually... what I am more and more in favour of would be for site members to have the option of blocking others from seeing what they do with mail...

maybe that would cut down the complaints...

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I reply, but find that once you've entered into correspondence, the person then tries to find reasons why my not wanting to meet them are unreasonable.

Distance: I'm only 100 miles away - what about travelling 50 miles each and meeting in the middle (mostly from guys named Malcolm)

I'm at work: Well I'm doing nothing at 08.00 when you finish if you want to come round on your way home (yes I'm sat here dolled up to the nines and I'm aching for cock as soon as I knock off)

I don't accommodate: We could get a hotel (only if I can put it on Mayfair and charge a fortune)

and so on...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had this discussion with my best bud last night. He finds it just as frustrating as the OP. I'll say what most ladies say, there generally isn't time to answer every message, much as we would like to be polite. I showed him my inbox as an example, but I appreciate it's still immensely frustrating for fellas.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about an automated "no thanks" botton similar to other sites

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By *heScotandthegirlCouple
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

i think generalisations should be avoided... we try and reply to everyone, even if it's a polite no, but that depends on how busy we both are in "real life".

People should be able to use the site as works for them, of course it can be frustrating but just enjoy the site... there are some gems to be found

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The OP is incorrect in his assertion that most single guys write a decent and interesting first message.

The sad fact is, They Don't !,

90% of our messages are one liners or 3 words!

Those who do make an effort, always get a reply those who don't always get deleted and often blocked!

We LIKE and MEET single guys, but you have no idea how difficult it is to find the right guys!

Even with the vast number of candidates!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I get messaged from guys I don't reply so it works both ways ha ha. The girls get hundreds a day so won't reply to them all

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By *wingerdelightCouple
over a year ago

eastliegh

do you reply with a nice letter to the dominos flyer you get in the post?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How about an automated "no thanks" botton similar to other sites"

Only difference that'll make is that single men will complain that they only get an automated message and not a personal one. Or that people can't be bothered to even send an automated reply.

The answer is simple. Lose the sense of entitlement that you somehow deserve a reply from someone that never asked for a message and has no interest in the person sending it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How about an automated "no thanks" botton similar to other sites

Only difference that'll make is that single men will complain that they only get an automated message and not a personal one. Or that people can't be bothered to even send an automated reply.

The answer is simple. Lose the sense of entitlement that you somehow deserve a reply from someone that never asked for a message and has no interest in the person sending it."

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By *onderTongueMan
over a year ago

Bury

Single fems do get a lot of messages, when chatting to a fellow fab member I told her at my annoyance about getting messages from bi guys hitting on me as had 3 in a week, she laughed and showed me her phone... Nearly 100 in the last couple days. -

Having been around as a couple & single I've experienced the rudeness from both camps, both online & at Venues. Its not great at times but Its just the way it goes... You need to be thick skinned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you do a forum search you will find that this question has been answered. "

Basically some guys have what it takes to get a sexy woman. And some don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The OP is incorrect in his assertion that most single guys write a decent and interesting first message.

The sad fact is, They Don't !,

90% of our messages are one liners or 3 words!

Those who do make an effort, always get a reply those who don't always get deleted and often blocked!

We LIKE and MEET single guys, but you have no idea how difficult it is to find the right guys!

Even with the vast number of candidates!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"do you reply with a nice letter to the dominos flyer you get in the post?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a well written message will always get a reply, especially if the composer has taken any attention in what we have said or want in our profile.

if no effort has been taken, further than looking at pics and the keyboard equivalent of a grunt/nod of the head, then similarly dont expect any effort to be taken in return, further than clicking the delete button.

and yes, the shit messages far outwiegh the decent ones, whether the guy has what we are looking for or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feeling like I need a cut and paste reply to this thread as it happens so often!

I used to reply to all with a 'thanks but no thanks'type message but got sick of the abuse I would receive from some men so stopped replying unless I was interested. Yes it was a small percentage of men that would send abuse, but it was enough to make me consider leaving the site. And you can never tell which guys will be abusive as even those with glowing friendly profiles could be nasty when a fatty like me dared decline their offer of a shag. Take a deleted message as a no thanks...focus on the replies in your inbox and forget your outbox is there and you'll probably enjoy the site much more

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By *razy-CplCouple
over a year ago

and surrounding areas

"At first we would reply. Some took this as a signal we wanted to strike up a conversation. A few got abusive when we did not reply to their second message.

Now just find it easier to delete.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In general we will try to mail back even if with a no thanks. But if the sent mail is of one line or worse we wont waste our precious time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How about an automated "no thanks" botton similar to other sites"

No way, I'd definitely opt out of that one. Why should I thank someone who's mailed me on the off chance just because I'm on line and not bothered reading my profile to see what Im lookin for? Best answer in those cases is to delete!!

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By *razy-CplCouple
over a year ago

and surrounding areas

"The OP is incorrect in his assertion that most single guys write a decent and interesting first message.

The sad fact is, They Don't !,

90% of our messages are one liners or 3 words!

Those who do make an effort, always get a reply those who don't always get deleted and often blocked!

We LIKE and MEET single guys, but you have no idea how difficult it is to find the right guys!

Even with the vast number of candidates!

this is so true

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By *otlovefun42Couple
over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...

We reply to some (but not all) messages from single guys.

Ones that have taken a bit of time and effort to write a message will always get a reply, even if it's just a no thanks.

One liners like "U up 4 a meet"? and "want to cam"? and when we are in the chat rooms "ASL?" and "R U the hubby"? will always be ignored

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"How about an automated "no thanks" botton similar to other sites"

Doesn't work. Been on a site which had that and most guys ignored it and just kept spamming until they were blocked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My motto...Never expect...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

maybe if single females had access to better message filters they could block a lot more of the rubbish messages and stand a better chance of answering the good ones.... maybe an additional filter only allowing initial messages over a certain length?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"maybe if single females had access to better message filters they could block a lot more of the rubbish messages and stand a better chance of answering the good ones.... maybe an additional filter only allowing initial messages over a certain length?"

Similar to what they have on that fish site...Good idea!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How about an automated "no thanks" botton similar to other sites

Doesn't work. Been on a site which had that and most guys ignored it and just kept spamming until they were blocked. "

Ive run out of good ideas now

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Lots of females and couples will read a profile before reading the message. If the profile is not compatible then the message is irrelevant and then deleted.

Nothing to get upset about it saves a lot of wasted time for them."

^^^^^This!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

and then you would get messages thus:

fancy a fuck mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

lol

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"How about an automated "no thanks" botton similar to other sites"

Then the forums are filled with "what's the point of joining a site and don't meet? Must be a power trip all these no thanks automated messages..." etc.

Some men really can't take rejection.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

i am almost tempted to ask for the "unread/read/deleted" option to be removed... or for site supporters, the option to opt out....

it gives ppl one less thing to get paranoid over.....

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"How about an automated "no thanks" botton similar to other sites

Only difference that'll make is that single men will complain that they only get an automated message and not a personal one. Or that people can't be bothered to even send an automated reply.

The answer is simple. Lose the sense of entitlement that you somehow deserve a reply from someone that never asked for a message and has no interest in the person sending it."

Spot on!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why ? would that encourage people to read the Profile first ? i havnt seen any replies from people saying that they would like the opportunity to answer the good ones

Gary

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm polite and answer,sometimes 18hrs later,always say no thanks,I usually bore them as they wait so long,I'm just a polite gal and men do appreciate a reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im not one that demands any form of complex or interesting first message. Here are my pics is enough. If there is no attraction there is no attraction - end of. I could not possibly under any circumstances reply to every message. I get about 100 or so a day and even reading and deleting takes hours. I have thanked some for messages but it leads to the churn of another message as all guys see is what they want to see .... A reply ! So sadly ( and I do feel guilty ) I read a message - reply if I want or just leave in my in box - then mass delete at the end x

( x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to reply to pretty much all my mail but spent more time on here than actually having fun, sort of defeats the object of the site! I recently gave that up as I got some horrendous abuse for a polite no thanks from some people and others, as some of you have said, just keep messaging, trying to change your mind. I can happily accept a polite no thanks but many cannot so if someone ignores my message then I'll take the hint and move on as I'd much rather they do that than waste my time and lead me on thinking they want to meet only to stop messaging, delete their profile or block me. No point getting angry, this is supposed to be fun after all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The OP is incorrect in his assertion that most single guys write a decent and interesting first message.

The sad fact is, They Don't !,

90% of our messages are one liners or 3 words!

Those who do make an effort, always get a reply those who don't always get deleted and often blocked!

We LIKE and MEET single guys, but you have no idea how difficult it is to find the right guys!

Even with the vast number of candidates!

Totally agree with this post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Before I blocked single guys it got ridiculous. It clearly states in my profile if I don't reply I am not interested. If you don't know that because you haven't read my profile then you don't even deserve a response.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

could be any number of reasons. its easier letting those interested contact you and then go from there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would like to add, I have no problem with single blokes, chatting, having a laugh.

However the profile is never read and some look upon me as a single, I am not, I am his sub, and partner.

I really love chatting to blokes but unfortunatly some ignore the fact Gary is there, this is all about having a good laugh and fun to us, no harm in chatting at all as long as our wishes are respected..

Nette

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover

Hmmmm can you change that to SOME single guys

Nope..I think the answer was spot-on in every detail.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"do you reply with a nice letter to the dominos flyer you get in the post?"

Now you see this doesn't really work because I don't know anyone that advertises to say they want a pizza

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Groundhog Day, fab style!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually do reply to messages, even if it is thanks but no thanks. xx

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By *eezMGeezMan
over a year ago

Amsterdam

I'm used to getting no replies and can understand why it happens with the amount of messages single girls and couples must get from men on here.

I like it when they at least delete the message after opening though so I know they're no interested instead of lingering on to that last little bit of hope when you can see the message has been opened but not replied to.

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By *exyfuntimes2Couple
over a year ago

Dublin/Carlow

We always reply to single guys. As for the disrespectful ones, we block them.

We were all single guys and gals once

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

actually... what I am more and more in favour of would be for site members to have the option of blocking others from seeing what they do with mail...

maybe that would cut down the complaints..."

I don't think that would be a good idea as you might keep hoping...(and maybe send a follow?

) On a more serious note, I can't agree more with your suggestion of a mindset change. For me if I send a message (which i rarely do), and see read or deleted, that's my job done. if I don't get a reply it means my time and theirs saved. So, seeing the status of my sent mail in my pinion is a good move...

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By *onderTongueMan
over a year ago

Bury

I think this is getting far to complicated. For me the answer is simple.

Firstly don't expect anything when you send messages and secondly just because you choose to put yourself on a pedestals dosent mean others will agree!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmmm can you change that to SOME single guys

Captain Smug strikes again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We always reply to single guys. As for the disrespectful ones, we block them.

We were all single guys and gals once

Exactly....!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Waaaaaaaaa waaaaaa waaaaas stomp stomp stomp

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By *merald89Woman
over a year ago

Scotland

Some guys on here are really bad with constant messages and means miss out on good ones! Get loads of messages on here so I read profile and the message and sometimes might take me 5/10mins to go back and reply if fancy chatting once ive deleted the pests but some guys just send one line messages after another seeming desperate its a turn off and will have messages deleted and blocked!

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By *mo-amas-amatMan
over a year ago

brighton

The single guys, god bless their souls

(Excepting time-wasting assholes)

They try hard to meet

And they just get 'DELETE'

So they're left alone jerking their poles......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How about an automated "no thanks" botton similar to other sites"
there is one, its labelled delete! No reply = no thanks.

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

And by the way to all happy Christmas and happy new year.. And may the new year give you many fond memories."

Would a reply saying no thanks make you feel better? You don't get a reply = no thanks. You get a reply saying no thanks = no thanks. I fail to see why getting told no thanks is better than no reply. The outcome is the same. They don't want to meet you.

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

"How about an automated "no thanks" botton similar to other sites"

Admin tried this once. People complained the automated no thanks button was impersonal.

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

"The OP is incorrect in his assertion that most single guys write a decent and interesting first message.

The sad fact is, They Don't !,

90% of our messages are one liners or 3 words!

Those who do make an effort, always get a reply those who don't always get deleted and often blocked!

We LIKE and MEET single guys, but you have no idea how difficult it is to find the right guys!

Even with the vast number of candidates!

This. A few years ago I was at a friends and she logged onto fab. She let me see the messages as they came into her. 99.9r% were things like

Hi u want 2 fuck?

Hi sexy.

How r u?

I am going to ruin you.

There was even a few cheeky ones with things like

Are you one of the genuine ones on here or another time waster?

Let's see if you have manners and reply to this email. Even if it's just to say no thanks.

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

Excellent idea.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I don't understand this question.

OP, you send messages when you want to, to people who interest you, right?

Would you take the time to message someone you're not interested in just to tell them you aren't interested?

Why would you expect someone else to do exactly that just because you decided to send a message to them?

You can choose how you spend your own time but if you think you have a right to dictate how others should spend theirs, you need to have a little rethink.

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

"i am almost tempted to ask for the "unread/read/deleted" option to be removed... or for site supporters, the option to opt out....

it gives ppl one less thing to get paranoid over....."

I see a problem with that. As people could not see if the email was read or deleted you would get people sending out emails like

Hi XXXXXX I am not sure if you got my first email etc

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