FabSwingers.com forum: Well hello unfaithful cheaters!

By *ig and daft OP Man
over a year ago

Love with life

Here is a question

This is a swingers site. We all know that. But just how many if you are on here are looking for something that you don't get at home.

I know there are a lot on here who are true swingers and frown upon those who do not interact in here with the knowledge of their other halves. But this is a very perfect place in which to meet that perfect person in exactly the same predicament as you.

Meeting on here means you know the boundaries and the rules if playing away whilst in a relationship.

So is it really wrong to be unfaithful and keep the home life intact?

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

but there are websites dedicated to people who are married but cheating, surely that would be a better place to look and leave swinging sites to, er, swingers?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I think looking to deeply into things takes away the fun aspect of it all!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"but there are websites dedicated to people who are married but cheating, surely that would be a better place to look and leave swinging sites to, er, swingers?"

i looked at them, they werent any good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

women are on here as well as men,who are in unhappy or sexless marriages.but i dont see it as a prob,as long as you know.not everyone will be upfront about it though.

if ur hubby/wife doesnt know,yes,its being unfaithfull.not sure its wrong though.well,yes,i guess it is.lol.but such is life and people.we all have needs.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

It is what it is...I personally don't meet attached people on here but each have their own reasons to be on here and I don't judge their reasons

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get sex at home

Manly because I currently live with my brother

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

So is it really wrong to be unfaithful and keep the home life intact?

is it wrong to cheat: Yes

is it wrong to be on here: No

is it any of my business: No

do I care: No

if people declare it, others can make an informed choice to meet or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they."

Er no they don't....what a bloody ridiculous statement

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It entirely depends in the individuals concerned just don't involve us.

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By *lackCherryCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Is this another cheating justification thread ? Once again comparing cheating to consensual swinging ?

If so its been done and lying to someone you love or are supposed to love ia different to sharing an experience that you both enjoy and not being able to distinguish between the two is very sad indeed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cheating is cheating end of ! There is no justification for it.

If your in an unhappy , sexless relationship then get out and move on.

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By *lackCherryCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they."

No not at all.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they."

what circumstances would you say that would apply under?

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

True swingers??? Is there a definition?

I prefer to take people on face value rather than judge them and call names. Everyone has reasons for doing what they do and unless you know all their circumstances you're not in any position to point a finger.

Stands back and dons hard hat.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Here is a question

This is a swingers site. We all know that. But just how many if you are on here are looking for something that you don't get at home.

Meeting on here means you know the boundaries and the rules if playing away whilst in a relationship.

So is it really wrong to be unfaithful and keep the home life intact?

I think you're somewhat naive if you think it's easy to leave feelings/emotions at the door. I've lost count of the married men I've spoken to over the years who've found themselves falling for someone they only wanted light entertainment with.

Even singles seeking to find em, fuck em, leave em get involved and we embark on this lifestyle 100% certain this is purely hedonistic fun...I speak from personal experience!

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By *ingerbicky69Woman
over a year ago

EXETER

Why lie? I dont think you can have your cake an eat it? In reality your just fooling yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they."

some of the stuff you come out with really does baffle me..

can u provide an example where someone deserves to be cheated on? just curious

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By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

to us yes it is wrong, cheating is cheating no matter how you try to pretend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Er no they don't....what a bloody ridiculous statement "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"? In reality your just fooling yourself. "

I do think that this is true in a lot of cases but infidelity and self deception go hand in hand with the human condition.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't get sex at home

Manly because I currently live with my brother"

Lmfao

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By *ucky1Man
over a year ago

a straightjacket

So is it really wrong to be unfaithful and keep the home life intact?

is it wrong to cheat: Yes

is it wrong to be on here: No

is it any of my business: No

do I care: No

if people declare it, others can make an informed choice to meet or not."

this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I think looking to deeply into things takes away the fun aspect of it all!

"
...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

everyone on here is looking for something they dont get at home, simply because, if you share yourselves with others, your partner doesnt have 2 of everything.

that said, the whole ethos of the swinging culture is meant to be based on trust and mutual respect, and on that front, people that are cheating on their spouses fall flat instantly.

we would rather not knowingly get involved with people that have to sneak around as we like to meet socially first, if we can, and having someone dive under a table if someone they know comes in isnt as much fun as it at first sounds lol

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I don't get sex at home

Manly because I currently live with my brother"

Lol and I bet he's very glad that you don't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

everyone appears to use this website in a different way.....swinging, meets, socials & just sex.

there are those that are being unfaithful and those that cannot abide that. As long as you make people aware before you meet they can make an informed decision.

as to the person you are cheating on, well whatever your reasons are you can't really justify it so you just have to live with it and the consequences that may arise.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they."

Including your husband?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm staying out of this one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Including your husband?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tell people my circs n then they have to decide

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"True swingers??? Is there a definition?

Stands back and dons hard hat. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"but there are websites dedicated to people who are married but cheating, surely that would be a better place to look and leave swinging sites to, er, swingers?

i looked at them, they werent any good."

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

Unfortunately life is not as simple as black or white. There are lots of shades in between and it is up to an individual to weigh up their own responsibilities, needs and the potential consequences and then live with the decisions they make. None of that process is any of my business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they."

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By *ohnjones3210Man
over a year ago

Chester

Some of you are so closed minded and judgemental.

If you are in a relationship where you are getting sex, you do not understand what its like.

There are a lot of emotional complications with not getting sex from home. It can make somebody feel angry, frustrated, lonely, not wanted, not attractive, sexually unable, worthless and more things.

Along with those things, you may have burning natural desires and the need for sex.

It's not as easy as saying "oh I'm not getting sex so ill leave you" - that's just stupid reasoning. There are many, many other factors to consider.

This site can sometimes simply offer positivity, intimacy, and all the other things which may not be available at home. They can make a person feel better about themselves.

Somebody up there said "well, some people deserve to be cheated on"... And everyone took offense. I can see where he is coming from. I wouldn't say 'deserve' was the correct word, but 'encourage' is probably more appropriate. Obviously, a partner who withholds sex is indirectly making the other look elsewhere.

Xxxx

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Here is a question

This is a swingers site. We all know that. But just how many if you are on here are looking for something that you don't get at home.

Meeting on here means you know the boundaries and the rules if playing away whilst in a relationship.

So is it really wrong to be unfaithful and keep the home life intact?

yes it is a swinging site... but for a lot of people swinging involves communication, consent and trust from the other half.... something the "unfaithful cheater" doesnt have.....

and for a lot of swingers, they do it to enhance and add extra to a relationship, not to use it to replace something that isn't there.....

and as someone said... there are websites that are designed for "married and cheating" but they tend to cost a lot of money... I do believe some see this as a cheap alternative to an advert in a newspaper or a card in a telephone box

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cheating is cheating end of ! There is no justification for it.

If your in an unhappy , sexless relationship then get out and move on. "

Having tried swinging as a way of staying sane in a sexless relationship with, may I add, the full knowledge and consent of my other half, I can say that it did make life easier for a while. Sadly it led ultimately to wider rifts in our personal life and eventual separation. Yes. If it is an unhappy sexless relationship and you are able to leave, move on. Not always that simple though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some of you are so closed minded and judgemental.

If you are in a relationship where you are getting sex, you do not understand what its like.

There are a lot of emotional complications with not getting sex from home. It can make somebody feel angry, frustrated, lonely, not wanted, not attractive, sexually unable, worthless and more things.

Along with those things, you may have burning natural desires and the need for sex.

It's not as easy as saying "oh I'm not getting sex so ill leave you" - that's just stupid reasoning. There are many, many other factors to consider.

This site can sometimes simply offer positivity, intimacy, and all the other things which may not be available at home. They can make a person feel better about themselves.

Xxxx

so communicate with this person you claim to love so dearly.. talk about things. be honest and open. Show respect for yourself and your partner

cheating in my eyes will always be wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they."

What a horrible statement. Who has the right to judge who deserves to be cheated on? You?!

If you're in a relationship where you feel that person deserves to be cheated on, what are you doing in that relationship?

I did not deserve to be cheated on or deceived but it's nice to know there are people out there who feel they have the right to decide I deserved it and facilitated it knowingly.

crystal

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By *ohnjones3210Man
over a year ago

Chester

"Some of you are so closed minded and judgemental.

If you are in a relationship where you are getting sex, you do not understand what its like.

There are a lot of emotional complications with not getting sex from home. It can make somebody feel angry, frustrated, lonely, not wanted, not attractive, sexually unable, worthless and more things.

Along with those things, you may have burning natural desires and the need for sex.

It's not as easy as saying "oh I'm not getting sex so ill leave you" - that's just stupid reasoning. There are many, many other factors to consider.

This site can sometimes simply offer positivity, intimacy, and all the other things which may not be available at home. They can make a person feel better about themselves.

Xxxx

so communicate with this person you claim to love so dearly.. talk about things. be honest and open. Show respect for yourself and your partner

cheating in my eyes will always be wrong"

Communication, sadly does nothing. She refuses to discuss it! I also think cheating is wrong, believe it or not. However, sometimes, the feelings are too strong and also, it gets to the point where you will do anything for some intimacy and sex!

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By *RYBBWCouple
over a year ago

Leeds.

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they."

How do you come to that conclusion then ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some of you are so closed minded and judgemental.

If you are in a relationship where you are getting sex, you do not understand what its like.

There are a lot of emotional complications with not getting sex from home. It can make somebody feel angry, frustrated, lonely, not wanted, not attractive, sexually unable, worthless and more things.

Along with those things, you may have burning natural desires and the need for sex.

It's not as easy as saying "oh I'm not getting sex so ill leave you" - that's just stupid reasoning. There are many, many other factors to consider.

This site can sometimes simply offer positivity, intimacy, and all the other things which may not be available at home. They can make a person feel better about themselves.

Xxxx

I agree with everything you said.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Including your husband?

You know I am not sure wether you post like this to get a reaction or post because you mean it and when someone adds to it you then act silly with smilies.......but to post what you have and laugh at the fact your husband is being made a fool of is so disrespectful to the man you married and once loved.

It is really sad

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

To the OP if this is you , your life, your choice, your conscience....you don't need to justify yourself of what you .

Don't be suprised if people don't agree with it though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meeting on here means you know the boundaries and the rules if playing away whilst in a relationship.

Really do every one play by the same rules, not that i've come accross and that's just the singles

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...Obviously, a partner who withholds sex is indirectly making the other look elsewhere...

And the partner may not feel like having sex because they are made to feel like they're taken for granted as they work their arse off, do the lions share of the house work, feel worthless as they haven't had anything done special for them, don't feel attracted to their partner because they've let themselves go or picked up habits which are slobbish and disgusting, maybe they're depressed...

There are a million different reasons why someone will stop wanting to have sex within a relationship but this does not give anyone the right to go looking elsewhere as they feel hard done by as they're going without. There's a reason sex is being 'withheld' and running off looking for it elsewhere is not going to help put that right. A relationship is a two way street-if sex is being 'withheld' from you, you need to look at yourself and think why.

crystal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Including your husband?

It is really sad

I am not cheating on my husband though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I think looking to deeply into things takes away the fun aspect of it all!

...

When we have a GB then it is likely that there are married cheating men there but every consenting adult makes their own choices and it would be impossible for us to filter them out. Do we approve - not particularly but not in a position to change it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

IMHO, it takes two people to Tango, and no one deserves to be cheated.

Have the courage to end the relationship if it is causing you that much pain and suffering, rather than to broadcast it and fish for sympathy, and poke fun at your other half in an open forum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Including your husband?

It is really sad

I am not cheating on my husband though.

Excuse my ignorance but your posts to me seem to suggest you are.

Apologies if you are not.

I will go back to my original thought then, your posts are obviously done for a reaction

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they."

you know when you really, really want to say something... but if you do you know it will get you 48/96hrs on the "step of naughty"

this is one of those....

so I shall just use a

... followed by a

and resort to using the "private notes" function to vent.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Including your husband?

It is really sad

I am not cheating on my husband though.

Read back on what you have posted, and you should be able to understand why the likes of Rugby and myself came to that conclusion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Including your husband?

It is really sad

I am not cheating on my husband though.

Excuse my ignorance but your posts to me seem to suggest you are.

Apologies if you are not.

I will go back to my original thought then, your posts are obviously done for a reaction

I actualy say what i think, is that not allowed?

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By *ohnjones3210Man
over a year ago

Chester

"...Obviously, a partner who withholds sex is indirectly making the other look elsewhere...

crystal"

I agree, the fact is though, whether there's a reason or not.... It makes you feel the way its makes you feel. You say it doesn't give them a right to look elsewhere... I'm not sure about rights but I know for a fact, it happens!

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By *lackCherryCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Excuse my ignorance but your posts to me seem to suggest you are.

Apologies if you are not.

I will go back to my original thought then, your posts are obviously done for a reaction

And here was I thinking attention seeking is the domain of the younger crowd.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Including your husband?

It is really sad

I am not cheating on my husband though.

Excuse my ignorance but your posts to me seem to suggest you are.

Apologies if you are not.

I will go back to my original thought then, your posts are obviously done for a reaction

I actualy say what i think, is that not allowed?"

You are allowed to say what you think Ena, all of us are hence the above discussion .

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I actualy say what i think, is that not allowed?"

Yes, as long as you don't disrupt the forum by keep posting provocatively to cause mayhem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Needy attention seekers are not reserved for the young or women, as clearly demonstrated by many threads in the Lounge!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Including your husband?

It is really sad

I am not cheating on my husband though.

Read back on what you have posted, and you should be able to understand why the likes of Rugby and myself came to that conclusion.

I am sure it wasn't just the two of you who came to those conclusions either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I completely understand where you are coming from on this. I do however believe that if there are problems in relationship, going elsewhere... including online is no the answer. i was with my ex for 3 years, i had to beg for sex after 3 months or more of no action. she would only have sex with me if she thought i cheated on her.. which morally i would never do and never did but sometimes pretended i did so she would hve sex with me. we talked and nothing changed.. we were together for 3 years, the last 15 months we didnt have sex.. even once.. and i can proudly say i never cheated. but i certainly got good use out of the vibes we had... Lala. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actualy say what i think, is that not allowed?

Yes, as long as you don't disrupt the forum by keep posting provocatively to cause mayhem

Its not my fault people are so touchy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally I think looking to deeply into things takes away the fun aspect of it all!

I agree!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Including your husband?

It is really sad

I am not cheating on my husband though.

Excuse my ignorance but your posts to me seem to suggest you are.

Apologies if you are not.

I will go back to my original thought then, your posts are obviously done for a reaction

I actualy say what i think, is that not allowed?"

Yes it's allowed if you want to commit forum suicide....sometimes things are better left unsaid....however if you choose to say what you think then expect people to challenge it....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actualy say what i think, is that not allowed?

Yes, as long as you don't disrupt the forum by keep posting provocatively to cause mayhem

Its not my fault people are so touchy.

It is not people's fault for mis-interpreting a mis-leading post either!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Needy attention seekers are not reserved for the young or women, as clearly demonstrated by many threads in the Lounge!

very true.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Ok lets not give Ena what she is after and get back to the OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...Obviously, a partner who withholds sex is indirectly making the other look elsewhere...

crystal

And how sad is it that those people take the cowards easy way to get a need met rather than making the effort to put right a relationship they helped create with another person. It's too much for some people to look at themselves and change what it is that's made their partner no longer feel like they want to have sex with them or, if they don't want to change or can't change, find their balls and end the relationship.

crystal

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

[Removed by poster at 15/12/13 12:03:12]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/12/13 12:04:55]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmm. I understand why people would be upset but we all have our reasons I guess? I'm not in a sexless marriage - we enjoy each other very much, but I like a little more adventure and I know my wife is not into that - I truly wish she were, but there you go.

I see no reason to judge, rather just delete my message and move on. We all have our preferences.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Sometimes relationships are so dead in the water that no amount of communication, counselling will put it right but for whatever reason they stay together then one or both look elsewhere for the things they are missing...

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By *ames blackMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

Personally speaking, if people want to meet me, we meet.

If they don't, we don't,

Should I be bothered about the opinions of those I don't meet?

Why not run your own lives & leave others to run theirs?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What other people do is entirely their business, and it has nothing to do with me.

I just do not wish to get involved, as what I do not know, I do not care.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But surely the definition of an "unfaithful cheater" would be someone who pretends to cheat but doesn’t…!

Or Meringue eh!

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

So is it really wrong to be unfaithful and keep the home life intact?

is it wrong to cheat: Yes

is it wrong to be on here: No

is it any of my business: No

do I care: No

if people declare it, others can make an informed choice to meet or not."

Succinct as ever. I agree 100%.

It's wrong. There are always reasons it happens and the solution is not always clear cut and straightforward. It is, however, wrong regardless of the reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone one of us on here have our own reasons for being here. Whether its a single guy, woman or couple whether playing solo with or without the consent of their significant other.

Who are we to judge? It is not always easy to just walk away from a relationship and move on. There are many factors that have to be considered.

So, if a person is on here and playing whilst in a relationship, if it helps to keep his home life intact then so be it.

Some will say they are married/attached others won't, that is there choice. xx

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Personally speaking, if people want to meet me, we meet.

If they don't, we don't,

Should I be bothered about the opinions of those I don't meet?

Why not run your own lives & leave others to run theirs?"

I don't understand this post.

We've been asked for our opinions and we're giving them. This is being discussed because we were asked, not because anyone is trying to run anyone else's life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An open relationship far better, staying with the one you love, but full respect given both sides..no secrets no hurt.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

Very true as I know from experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everyone one of us on here have our own reasons for being here. Whether its a single guy, woman or couple whether playing solo with or without the consent of their significant other.

Who are we to judge? It is not always easy to just walk away from a relationship and move on. There are many factors that have to be considered.

So, if a person is on here and playing whilst in a relationship, if it helps to keep his home life intact then so be it.

Some will say they are married/attached others won't, that is there choice. xx"

what if they play together only as a couple. and you get private messages from one half asking for a private meet without telling the other half?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What other people do is entirely their business, and it has nothing to do with me.

I just do not wish to get involved, as what I do not know, I do not care.

Love the sentiment and love your name even more.

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By *ohnjones3210Man
over a year ago

Chester

"...Obviously, a partner who withholds sex is indirectly making the other look elsewhere...

crystal

crystal"

I know, it is sad. Well I wouldn't say they were cowards though - then again, I don't know many cheaters. I'd guess that a lot of men do try to get it fixed first rather than cheating. A guy may try hard to fix the problems to start with but give up after a while as he sees no progress and no hope.

You implied though that the reason is the man.. For a lot of guys though, its not them, the problem may lie with the other person. as you pointed out before, maybe they're stressed, etc. Although I can see where you're coming from. I guess this is why we cannot judge as everyone's situation is different.

It's not really as easy as finding their balls either, its much mire complicated than that!

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The way I read threads like this is that the OP is declaring that he's cheating and inviting others to join him in his escapades (what I mean is those who are either in the same position or simply do not care).

The likes of some pop along and say hell yeah I'm up for that because "some people deserve to be cheated on", which is far stronger than not caring (and disgusting). This has the same effect in my eyes as the OP by inviting those very cheaters and giving them a sympathy shag or sympathetic ear (delete as appropriate

I advocate honesty, so those on their profiles who state they are deceiving their partner give others the opportunity to make an informed choice. I also advocate honesty between partners... maybe the cheaters should tell their partners this site is what their relationships have reduced them to.

Good luck with that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So is it really wrong to be unfaithful and keep the home life intact?

is it wrong to cheat: Yes

is it wrong to be on here: No

is it any of my business: No

do I care: No

if people declare it, others can make an informed choice to meet or not."

Well said Veiw

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

*************

This is very true. Sometimes it is just so lonely.

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"Here is a question

This is a swingers site. We all know that. But just how many if you are on here are looking for something that you don't get at home.

Meeting on here means you know the boundaries and the rules if playing away whilst in a relationship.

So is it really wrong to be unfaithful and keep the home life intact?

If there was nothing wrong with it youd not be doing it behind partners back! Quite simply the fact theres any deceit conveys you know its not right .

As for the very nieve statement about being unfaithful as long as home lifes kept intact is quite frankly laughable !

Do you honestly think the person being cheated on hasn't got the feeling somethings wrong? That they don't see they've not got your full attention and affections? Not to mention the nagging doubts in their mind about where you ,where you've been and the excuses you've made for not being at home that never fully add up! They may not come right out and say this and probably they are thinking they are awful for contemplating this and guilty for it entering their mind . But hey you just keep deluding yourself youre doing no harm when you are ripping them apart .How much worse do you think that's going to be WHEN (no not if ) they find out the person they love and trusted is fucking randoms be it on swing site or from the pub ?? Is that all harmless and keeping home life intact ?

The people who complain they cant leave their partner as its "difficult " well errr who said it wouldn't be??lol ! The choice though may well be taken from them when they get found out and kicked to the kerb .They had no choice to get out the situation then .So they can try as justify what they are doing as much as they want but apart from in exceptional cases they are doing it because they want to have their cake and it it and just to spineless to face reality and either work on their relationship issues or end it .

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I need to add, because I wasn't clear above:

Saying cheating is wrong is not necessarily judging those who cheat. It is wrong to lie, even by ommission, and to break the trust of someone you are in a relationship with. Even most cheaters know that, deep down.

However, it isn't always black and white and sometimes the situation can be very complicated. I don't judge people just because they are cheating. I tend not to meet them, (though there have been exceptions), but I don't think badly of them. I don't know what their situation is.

The point is, the question was is cheating wrong? Even doing the wrong thing for a good or right reason is still doing the wrong thing.

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Including your husband?

It is really sad

I am not cheating on my husband though.

Excuse my ignorance but your posts to me seem to suggest you are.

Apologies if you are not.

I will go back to my original thought then, your posts are obviously done for a reaction

If you actually read Ena's profile - you will see that her husband is aware that she meets other men.

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

*************

This is very true. Sometimes it is just so lonely. "

But you have the choice to be in that relationship or not. no one is forcing you to stay if your not happy . Is leaving easy ...no but never impossible

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

*************

This is very true. Sometimes it is just so lonely. "

Ditto but it's far easier to be holier than thou and judgemental than it is to accept that you don't know the whole story or appreciate all the feelings involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personally speaking, if people want to meet me, we meet.

If they don't, we don't,

Should I be bothered about the opinions of those I don't meet?

Why not run your own lives & leave others to run theirs?"

you missed the "i" out of ruin, fella.

there are never 'reasons' to cheat, more justifications, or excuses.

i need sex

she doesnt communicate

he isnt the same person

blah blah blah...

all used to prove that some people still havent evolved past the animal instincts we had many moons ago to spread our seed far and wide.

as with Crystals posts above, i have been on the other side of the curtain

did i deserve it? not particularly.

i had issues neither of us went out of our way to discuss and alleviate.

i dont blame her for doing what she did, i would just have preferred her to have had a pair and said what she thought instead of going elsewhere, but hey ho, you live and learn.

i will say one thing to those that feel its fine to cheat, however.

if you think you are saving your other halves feelings by keeping things secret and doing it behind theiur back, you arent.

maybe short term you will be, but long term, you are destroying them.

if you have ANY feelings of love or respect for them, then you really need to force the discussion on the subject, and find some form of councilling as not wanting sex is very rarely the reason someone goes off it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they."

no one deserves it, good god woman. What if it happened to you, you can do everything and it still happens. Have you ever been ever been cheated on?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Including your husband?

It is really sad

I am not cheating on my husband though.

Excuse my ignorance but your posts to me seem to suggest you are.

Apologies if you are not.

I will go back to my original thought then, your posts are obviously done for a reaction

If you actually read Ena's profile - you will see that her husband is aware that she meets other men."

Yes and i have mentioned it before on the forums, i dont suppose people can remember everything though.

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Including your husband?

It is really sad

I am not cheating on my husband though.

Excuse my ignorance but your posts to me seem to suggest you are.

Apologies if you are not.

I will go back to my original thought then, your posts are obviously done for a reaction

If you actually read Ena's profile - you will see that her husband is aware that she meets other men.

Yes and i have mentioned it before on the forums, i don't suppose people can remember everything though."

I would hope they read the profiles though...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they."

Erm.. No.

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

*************

This is very true. Sometimes it is just so lonely.

Ditto but it's far easier to be holier than thou and judgemental than it is to accept that you don't know the whole story or appreciate all the feelings involved. "

I doubt those whove been on the shitty end of being cheated on would call it judgemental or holier than thou. Certainly their feeling went being considered when they "partners " away fucking

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Including your husband?

It is really sad

I am not cheating on my husband though.

Excuse my ignorance but your posts to me seem to suggest you are.

Apologies if you are not.

I will go back to my original thought then, your posts are obviously done for a reaction

If you actually read Ena's profile - you will see that her husband is aware that she meets other men.

Yes and i have mentioned it before on the forums, i don't suppose people can remember everything though.

I would hope they read the profiles though..."

Not if you have blocked theme it they have blocked you....

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

*************

This is very true. Sometimes it is just so lonely.

Ditto but it's far easier to be holier than thou and judgemental than it is to accept that you don't know the whole story or appreciate all the feelings involved.

I doubt those whove been on the shitty end of being cheated on would call it judgemental or holier than thou. Certainly their feeling went being considered when they "partners " away fucking "

But I'm not saying it's right or wrong I'm saying that unless you are one of the parties specifically involved you're in no position to judge. If you have been on the receiving end you have my sympathy but that experience slants your _iew and the circumstances of someone else will not be the same as yours.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"True swingers??? Is there a definition?

Stands back and dons hard hat. "

Quite right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

*************

This is very true. Sometimes it is just so lonely.

Ditto but it's far easier to be holier than thou and judgemental than it is to accept that you don't know the whole story or appreciate all the feelings involved. "

I'll happily take a 'holier than thou' title for being against cheating...but just as everyone has their own selfish reasons for cheating I have my own for disliking cheats. Whatever your reason is for cheating it is selfish...you aren't getting what you want so you go elsewhere for it assuming you'll never be caught, but ultimately it will all come out and people will be more hurt than if you were honest in the first place with the person you claim to love. Thing is it can come out in many ways..being caught in the act or an STD, or maybe even a pregnancy - what happens then?

I don't want to meet cheats and be part of the cause of someone else's heartbreak...nor do I want to have any of the backlash that comes from it all. If you want to cheat that's your business, but do not expect others who have watched relationships fall apart, or been a product of an affair, to tell you it's ok

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

[Removed by poster at 15/12/13 12:55:56]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

Absolutely, nobody knows what goes on hence why it is wrong to knowingly facilitate cheating because you are then passing judgement on that relationship.

I agree things are usually more complicated but again, in my opinion, it does not give anybody the right to non-consetually involve your partner in a situation where you are going behind their back.

It is always more than just communication or just effort (or lack of it) which makes up the foundations of a failing relationship and I cannot understand why people will do what they can to keep it going by having needs met away from the relationship.

Why not be honest and say 'Im not happy, I don't want to split because of x/y/z (kids, family, convenience, etc) but I need to find what I am missing elsewhere' to give the partner a chance to consent or put the failing/broken relationship out of its misery.

crystal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people cheat (like me), some don't. If you don't approve, don't meet the cheaters. Cheaters; we should all be upfront to allow other fabbers this choice. The reasons for people cheating are their business and frankly I'm tired of reading all the holier than thou comments of people assuming to know better...

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

*************

This is very true. Sometimes it is just so lonely.

Ditto but it's far easier to be holier than thou and judgemental than it is to accept that you don't know the whole story or appreciate all the feelings involved.

I doubt those whove been on the shitty end of being cheated on would call it judgemental or holier than thou. Certainly their feeling went being considered when they "partners " away fucking

please !! I can only imagine very exceptional circumstances where it wouldn't be the case . So im speaking from that prospective not from the rare exceptional cases .

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

If you actually read Ena's profile - you will see that her husband is aware that she meets other men."

I havn't read her profile,I have no need to when replying to peoples posts. I went by her posts only.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you actually read Ena's profile - you will see that her husband is aware that she meets other men.

I havn't read her profile,I have no need to when replying to peoples posts. I went by her posts only.

Same here!

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

*************

This is very true. Sometimes it is just so lonely.

Ditto but it's far easier to be holier than thou and judgemental than it is to accept that you don't know the whole story or appreciate all the feelings involved.

I'm not saying I'm cheating or that I have and I'm not saying that the consequences of certain actions can't be devastating what I'm saying is that regardless of my, your or anyone else's experiences, everyone's circumstances are different and it's their business. Calling them names is really just venting your own feelings and not necessarily justified.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...Obviously, a partner who withholds sex is indirectly making the other look elsewhere...

crystal

It's not really as easy as finding their balls either, its much mire complicated than that!

Xxx"

I didn't imply it was men who were the problem. When I say find your balls, I mean it to say man up, grow a backbone.

If the problem is your partner makes you feel like you're going without because they're stressed or depressed, you should be honest and let them know. For some, it may make them realise what they're doing or how they're acting is affecting the other half of the relationship and take action to save it or, the relationship can end with all involved having been open and honest.

crystal

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

*************

This is very true. Sometimes it is just so lonely.

But you have the choice to be in that relationship or not. no one is forcing you to stay if your not happy . Is leaving easy ...no but never impossible "

I wasn't judging wether people should leave a relationship or not as thats up to them.

I was more answering the post of "try in your marraige" rather than cheat.

None of us know what peoples relationships are like and wether they have tried or not...and why I said sometimes it isn't black and white.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'll happily take a 'holier than thou' title for being against cheating..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cheating is cheating end of ! There is no justification for it.

If your in an unhappy , sexless relationship then get out and move on. "

Its Not always cut and dry !

I for one am trying to do that !!!

Have really hurt my hubby by telling him ! He won't move out or move on and told me he would rather I had not told him because now he is unhappy !!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

*************

This is very true. Sometimes it is just so lonely.

Ditto but it's far easier to be holier than thou and judgemental than it is to accept that you don't know the whole story or appreciate all the feelings involved.

To be honest the post was aimed more generally at anyone cheating rather than an individual...I should have made that clearer.

And as for name calling, I think the only thing that could be taken as name calling is 'selfish'...can you honestly say that someone who is cheating (for whatever reason) is not being selfish in some way? I agree that it is their business, but then don't try to involve me in it or ask my opinion on it if it isn't wanted! These threads are always someone looking for justification about cheating...I personally don't think there is any way to justify it. That's not name calling, it's just my feelings about cheats.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They say that david beckham cheated on his wife but they are still together.

I reckon if i was married to david beckham i could forgive him for cheating on me quite easily because hes so gorgeous.

Aparantly victoria isnt friends with sir elton john anymore because he implied that it was her fault for not spending enough time with him, sometimes the truth hurts, as they say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's me assuming swingers would be more open minded and less judgmental...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's me assuming swingers would be more open minded and less judgmental...

Why should me choosing to have consensual sex with others mean I have no morals when it comes to hurting another person?

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

*************

This is very true. Sometimes it is just so lonely.

Ditto but it's far easier to be holier than thou and judgemental than it is to accept that you don't know the whole story or appreciate all the feelings involved.

To be honest the post was aimed more generally at anyone cheating rather than an individual...I should have made that clearer.

Calling someone whose circumstances you don't know a cheat because it fits your definition is name calling. In my opinion

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

*************

This is very true. Sometimes it is just so lonely.

But you have the choice to be in that relationship or not. no one is forcing you to stay if your not happy . Is leaving easy ...no but never impossible

I wasn't judging wether people should leave a relationship or not as thats up to them.

I was more answering the post of "try in your marraige" rather than cheat.

None of us know what peoples relationships are like and wether they have tried or not...and why I said sometimes it isn't black and white.

def agree try more with marriage (if they've not already ).Also agree all life is shades of grey .But I also wonder how much more clearly the person being cheated on may see it when they find out . The cheater may have no choice but to leave the relationship then .

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Calling someone whose circumstances you don't know a cheat because it fits your definition is name calling. In my opinion"

Unless their OH knows they are playing away then it isn't name calling, it is a description

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

".But I also wonder how much more clearly the person being cheated on may see it when they find out . The cheater may have no choice but to leave the relationship then . "

I suppose thats the chance they take when looking elsewhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Calling someone whose circumstances you don't know a cheat because it fits your definition is name calling. In my opinion

Unless their OH knows they are playing away then it isn't name calling, it is a description

Beat me to it!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some of you are so closed minded and judgemental.

If you are in a relationship where you are getting sex, you do not understand what its like.

There are a lot of emotional complications with not getting sex from home. It can make somebody feel angry, frustrated, lonely, not wanted, not attractive, sexually unable, worthless and more things.

Along with those things, you may have burning natural desires and the need for sex.

It's not as easy as saying "oh I'm not getting sex so ill leave you" - that's just stupid reasoning. There are many, many other factors to consider.

This site can sometimes simply offer positivity, intimacy, and all the other things which may not be available at home. They can make a person feel better about themselves.

Xxxx

You say that leaving someone due to lack of sex is stupid reasoning... but if sex is that important to you that you are willing to lie and deceive the person you claim to love, and intentionally do things that you KNOW will devastate them if found out, then clearly its a valid reason to leave.

Cheaters who try and turn the blame on the other person make my blood boil. Take responsibility for your actions.

Have enough respect for them to call it and day and allow them to find someone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So is it really wrong to be unfaithful and keep the home life intact?

is it wrong to cheat: Yes

is it wrong to be on here: No

is it any of my business: No

do I care: No

if people declare it, others can make an informed choice to meet or not.

this "

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

Calling someone whose circumstances you don't know a cheat because it fits your definition is name calling. In my opinion

Unless their OH knows they are playing away then it isn't name calling, it is a description

Their OH is directly involved and has every right to be as judgrmental as they want to be and can call them all the names under the sun as far as I'm concerned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they."

What? Sorry no one deserves to be cheated on! If ppl on here are cheating fine that's up to them but that I'm sorry to say is a horrible comment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's me assuming swingers would be more open minded and less judgmental...

You mean you assumed people would have no morals?

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

Im a married woman. I married for a reason. So call me a cheater if it makes u feel good. I can live with that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So is it really wrong to be unfaithful and keep the home life intact?

is it wrong to cheat: Yes

is it wrong to be on here: No

is it any of my business: No

do I care: No

if people declare it, others can make an informed choice to meet or not.

this

Couldn't have put it better myself!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Calling someone whose circumstances you don't know a cheat because it fits your definition is name calling. In my opinion

Unless their OH knows they are playing away then it isn't name calling, it is a description

Their OH is directly involved and has every right to be as judgrmental as they want to be and can call them all the names under the sun as far as I'm concerned. "

Ok...so what PC term would you use to describe a person having sex out of a relationship without the knowledge and/or consent of their partner? The only term I know that I can use on here without getting a ban is a cheat! It's not name calling, it's a factual term...they are cheating!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

*************

This is very true. Sometimes it is just so lonely.

Ditto but it's far easier to be holier than thou and judgemental than it is to accept that you don't know the whole story or appreciate all the feelings involved.

What names were they called? If they are cheating then they ARE a cheater. The are also lying. Its not name calling its stating a fact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

chill out everyone. Yeah it's bad. But when we all become Saints then you can have your opinions. There's certainly none of them in this site or anywhere for that matter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If people put as much effort into their relationships as they do trying to get meets, they may not be here in the first place......just my opinion!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Im a married woman. I married for a reason. So call me a cheater if it makes u feel good. I can live with that. "

Is it to make someone feel better or more a description?

If I was cheating on the OH that is exactly what I would say I was....I wouldn't give two hoots what strangers thought of it or try and justify it to strangers though.

It is just something I would accept as true.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Believe it or not there is more to a relationship than sex, maybe that's all that they are missing? When the sex or intimacy goes out of a relationship then thas usually the end of it though. I've never ever cheated myself but I don't judge those who have, you never know the whole story. Some guys or women who cheat also do so with a same sex partner, something that would never be available in their current relationship. Again I'm not trying to justify it but for some the urges are too strong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Believe it or not there is more to a relationship than sex, maybe that's all that they are missing? When the sex or intimacy goes out of a relationship then thas usually the end of it though. I've never ever cheated myself but I don't judge those who have, you never know the whole story. Some guys or women who cheat also do so with a same sex partner, something that would never be available in their current relationship. Again I'm not trying to justify it but for some the urges are too strong."

There is also more to cheating than sex... the lies, deceit, destruction of trust and emotional distress of the person being cheated on.

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

Calling someone whose circumstances you don't know a cheat because it fits your definition is name calling. In my opinion

Unless their OH knows they are playing away then it isn't name calling, it is a description

Their OH is directly involved and has every right to be as judgrmental as they want to be and can call them all the names under the sun as far as I'm concerned.

I wouldn't call them anything. I would have no cause to do so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"but there are websites dedicated to people who are married but cheating, surely that would be a better place to look and leave swinging sites to, er, swingers?"

But is everyone on here a true swinger? I think you find a mix of people on any site. You need to live and let live and just not interact with those you disagree with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"women are on here as well as men,who are in unhappy or sexless marriages.but i dont see it as a prob,as long as you know.not everyone will be upfront about it though.

if ur hubby/wife doesnt know,yes,its being unfaithfull.not sure its wrong though.well,yes,i guess it is.lol.but such is life and people.we all have needs."

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

you missed the "i" out of ruin, fella.

there are never 'reasons' to cheat, more justifications, or excuses.

i need sex

she doesnt communicate

he isnt the same person

blah blah blah...

all used to prove that some people still havent evolved past the animal instincts we had many moons ago to spread our seed far and wide.

as with Crystals posts above, i have been on the other side of the curtain

did i deserve it? not particularly.

i had issues neither of us went out of our way to discuss and alleviate.

i dont blame her for doing what she did, i would just have preferred her to have had a pair and said what she thought instead of going elsewhere, but hey ho, you live and learn.

i will say one thing to those that feel its fine to cheat, however.

if you think you are saving your other halves feelings by keeping things secret and doing it behind theiur back, you arent.

maybe short term you will be, but long term, you are destroying them.

I was waiting to see if the people who advocate would gloss over this post.... and it almost always is

see... if it is an anonymous person, heck.. not my issue!...people can and will be blaise about it..... but put a face to it makes it a world more personal...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is also more to cheating than sex... the lies, deceit, destruction of trust and emotional distress of the person being cheated on."

True that's why I couldn't do that to somebody I was with. If it came to the point of cheating for me then it would be try to fix it or break up time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cheating is cheating end of ! There is no justification for it.

If your in an unhappy , sexless relationship then get out and move on. "

what if your in a happy sexless relationship ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If people put as much effort into their relationships as they do trying to get meets, they may not be here in the first place......just my opinion!

Trying to make a relationship work is a two way street !!!! If the other partner is not willing to try because they are happy with the way things are !!! Then you are flogging a dead horse !!! Its not always the person who looks else where's fault !!!! Its sometimes just a knock on affect !!!!

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

My hubby knows what I do. I've explained my life and I'm happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If people put as much effort into their relationships as they do trying to get meets, they may not be here in the first place......just my opinion!

If you're not happy then get out of the relationship. If somebody makes the decision to cheat it is ALWAYS their fault.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

life is all about making choices.

the OP has asked for opinions on his choice.

as with all threads that touch on this subject people feel they are being labelled and judged but remember it's only another persons opinion & without it there would be no discussions!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My hubby knows what I do. I've explained my life and I'm happy. "

If you are doing it with his consent it is a different situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Calling someone whose circumstances you don't know a cheat because it fits your definition is name calling. In my opinion

Unless their OH knows they are playing away then it isn't name calling, it is a description

Their OH is directly involved and has every right to be as judgrmental as they want to be and can call them all the names under the sun as far as I'm concerned.

I wouldn't call them anything. I would have no cause to do so. "

You're still implying the word 'cheat' is name calling...it isn't, it's a descriptive word. I get it, you feel you are better than me because you have no issue with someone who cheats, but that doesn't change what they are doing regardless of whether you want to put a name to it

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

If you actually read Ena's profile - you will see that her husband is aware that she meets other men.

I havn't read her profile,I have no need to when replying to peoples posts. I went by her posts only.

The profile contains useful information - I would always advocate reading it first before jumping to conclusions.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"My hubby knows what I do. I've explained my life and I'm happy. "

the first 3 words are the issue "My hubby knows..."

a lot of the people in this thread haven't given their partner that choice...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If people put as much effort into their relationships as they do trying to get meets, they may not be here in the first place......just my opinion!

If you're not happy then get out of the relationship. If somebody makes the decision to cheat it is ALWAYS their fault."

If you had seen my comment on here b4 you would see that I have told him !!! And he won't go or move on !!! And he is more unhappy now than he was b4 !!!! I made the moral choice ! But I sometimes wonder if it was the right one !!!! Not for me ! But for him ! I'm sure in the long term it will be !!!! But right now when I look at him sad every day ! Its hard !!!

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By *ig and daft OP Man
over a year ago

Love with life

"Some of you are so closed minded and judgemental.

If you are in a relationship where you are getting sex, you do not understand what its like.

There are a lot of emotional complications with not getting sex from home. It can make somebody feel angry, frustrated, lonely, not wanted, not attractive, sexually unable, worthless and more things.

Along with those things, you may have burning natural desires and the need for sex.

It's not as easy as saying "oh I'm not getting sex so ill leave you" - that's just stupid reasoning. There are many, many other factors to consider.

This site can sometimes simply offer positivity, intimacy, and all the other things which may not be available at home. They can make a person feel better about themselves.

Xxxx

I have to say this is the best most understanding response I have read. and from a bloke!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

If you actually read Ena's profile - you will see that her husband is aware that she meets other men.

I havn't read her profile,I have no need to when replying to peoples posts. I went by her posts only.

The profile contains useful information -."

Not to reply to posts it doesn't. It isn't compulsory to read profiles before replying.

Now as I said up there, maybe let's not make this about the person who's profile you think people should read and get back to the OP.

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

If you're not happy then get out of the relationship. If somebody makes the decision to cheat it is ALWAYS their fault."

I was in one of those unhappy sexless relationships did the talking did the counseling and in the end called it a day packed up and left rather than look outside of the marriage for what I wasn't getting. I ess lucky had somewhere to go people to support me, even so it's a fucking hard thing to do. Not everyone in that situation has those options there are many reasons why it's not as cut and dried as you make out and there are varying degrees of infidelity. In short my own _iew is that unless I know what someone is going through and what circumstances are or are not pushing them to take the actions they take I will treat them as I find them. I don't feel the need to instantly label them a cheat or to say that the decision they have taken is ALWAYS entirely their fault.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If you're not happy then get out of the relationship. If somebody makes the decision to cheat it is ALWAYS their fault.

We don't judge people, we don't want to know their back sory or if its anyones fault, we do however choose not to get involved knowingly, that way we don't need to make any judgement calls. I do have to take issue about varying degrees of infidelity though, it sounds like a cop out or do you mean infidelity of thought vs infidelity of action?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Please don't discuss the OP profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im a married woman. I married for a reason. So call me a cheater if it makes u feel good. I can live with that. "

Snap

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

I'm not implying it I'm saying it.

I don't feel I'm better than you at all. I don't know you. I just have a different _iew and I'm trying to argue it as best I can and as politely as I can. I'm not actually defending any specific actions. I'm saying there are a wide range of possible indiscretions. Not all are the same and there are different circumstances in every case anduunless you know them you can't judge that person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're not happy then get out of the relationship. If somebody makes the decision to cheat it is ALWAYS their fault.

Well said .... We should not judge people until we have walked in their shoes !!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Er no they don't....what a bloody ridiculous statement "

totally agree ..ridiculous ..my boyfriend and l were both on here and he cheated on me with someone we both met !!!...we'd been together 8 years and the lies he told ..I had to find out myself he'd been texting and meeting her ...I can't see why I deserved that treatment! !!!!!

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By *ames blackMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

"Personally speaking, if people want to meet me, we meet.

If they don't, we don't,

Should I be bothered about the opinions of those I don't meet?

Why not run your own lives & leave others to run theirs?

I don't understand this post.

We've been asked for our opinions and we're giving them. This is being discussed because we were asked, not because anyone is trying to run anyone else's life.

But posters are questioning the OPs motives, way of life etc. & 'telling' people what to do.

Most of these threads ignore the OP & use them as a chance to push their beliefs

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Er no they don't....what a bloody ridiculous statement

she did say "some" not all. I'm not defending the statement but she isn't pointing the finger at everyone who has experienced unfaithful partners.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Personally speaking, if people want to meet me, we meet.

If they don't, we don't,

Should I be bothered about the opinions of those I don't meet?

Why not run your own lives & leave others to run theirs?

I don't understand this post.

We've been asked for our opinions and we're giving them. This is being discussed because we were asked, not because anyone is trying to run anyone else's life.

But posters are questioning the OPs motives, way of life etc. & 'telling' people what to do.

Most of these threads ignore the OP & use them as a chance to push their beliefs"

That is true. The problem is its such an emotive subject and some people will have been very badly hurt by infidelity, others will be here for the bond that sex creates that is unavailable at home and some will just be here for extras regardless of their home life its a mix that's bound to cause sparks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fair enough ..

Still baffled about the "some" though

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

If you're not happy then get out of the relationship. If somebody makes the decision to cheat it is ALWAYS their fault.

I'm saying that. Someone might be well off with a good job independent means and an extensive family network but they fancy a bit on the side so they go out shagging a different person every week. Is thst the same as someone who is desperately unhappy possibly abused no job nowhere to go kids to consider. Partner doesn't talk to them. They find someone nice who gives them some support and intimacy.

Are those two indiscretions equal? You might think so I don't. It's up to you really to think what you want. I choose to believe it's not so straightforward.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If you're not happy then get out of the relationship. If somebody makes the decision to cheat it is ALWAYS their fault.

Are those two indiscretions equal? You might think so I don't. It's up to you really to think what you want. I choose to believe it's not so straightforward. "

I was trying to open up a non defensive discussion but you seem to have pre-judged what I would say so I'll leave it there.

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

I was trying to open up a non defensive discussion but you seem to have pre-judged what I would say so I'll leave it there. "

I have no idea what you mean by that. Sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they."

Whilst I'm the vast majority of cases I would agree that there is no place for cheating. But you do have to look at each case on it's own.

I know someone who was in an abusive marriage, and couldn't end it on her own. The fear of the ex comming after her, the way he always could charm her that it was a mistake and to forgive him.

She found someone she trusts, enough to look after her and support her through the tough time of ending her marriage. In this case I absolutely condone what she did, as she is safe, no longer being beaten up, and most importantly she is happy.

So sometimes it is acceptable.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're not happy then get out of the relationship. If somebody makes the decision to cheat it is ALWAYS their fault.

If you have sex outside your relationship without the knowledge or consent of your partner then you ARE cheating. I'm pretty sure dictionary.com would confirm this for you... its not name-calling/ labelling its simply using the designated word.

I have never walked in the shoes of a cheater, I have however walked in the shoes of the other person. It was HIS fault and his fault alone, and he paid the price.

You may feel "pushed" towards other people but the decision to act on it is YOURS. Therefore the blame lies with you.

As I said before, to me, the worst kind of cheat is one who blames everyone but him/herself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not implying it I'm saying it.

Regardless of judgement, someone who is sexually unfaithful to their partner is cheating...this is in the Oxford dictionary, and not a judgmental name calling! It's merely a description of the actions of the person..they have acted dishonestly hence the term 'cheat'.

Yes I personally do judge cheats as I dislike someone being dishonest with the person they claim to love, regardless of their reasoning for it or the degree of indiscretion, but I haven't even started on name calling...nor will I on the forums. I don't want to know the one sided personal circumstances of those who choose to cheat...I want guilt free fun which isn't going to devastate someone for the sake of a couple of hours of sex! And I also don't want meets with someone watching the clock because they have to be home and showered before their partner gets back from bingo/work/visiting a sick relative.

You chose not to cheat in your relationship, and I respect that, but I don't feel that those who do cheat deserve my respect. You may not like that, and I can agree to disagree with you there but it doesn't change the fact that they are a CHEAT no matter how you want to dress it up

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

If you're not happy then get out of the relationship. If somebody makes the decision to cheat it is ALWAYS their fault.

I have never walked in the shoes of a cheater, I have however walked in the shoes of the other person. It was HIS fault and his fault alone, and he paid the price.

You may feel "pushed" towards other people but the decision to act on it is YOURS. Therefore the blame lies with you.

As I said before, to me, the worst kind of cheat is one who blames everyone but him/herself."

I really don't think we're going to see eye to eye on this

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

I'm not implying it I'm saying it.

That's me told then

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

Calling someone whose circumstances you don't know a cheat because it fits your definition is name calling. In my opinion

Unless their OH knows they are playing away then it isn't name calling, it is a description

Their OH is directly involved and has every right to be as judgrmental as they want to be and can call them all the names under the sun as far as I'm concerned. "

so I went and looked up the dictionary definition of the word "Cheat"

Cheat: Noun/Verb

"a person who behaves or acts dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage."

I think what had been described in the thread fits that word in this context... unless you can think of another word people can use?

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By *exxifun5Couple
over a year ago

NORWICH

"If people put as much effort into their relationships as they do trying to get meets, they may not be here in the first place......just my opinion!

If you're not happy then get out of the relationship. If somebody makes the decision to cheat it is ALWAYS their fault.

I did exactly the same as you and told my ex I no longer loved him and couldn't carry on being married as I was unhappy .... and I totally agree wirh you the hardest thimg of my life . He also refused to move out and move on amd was unhappy and even though I knew I had done the right thing .. it hurt to see him so unhappy ... but would like to let you know 3 years on amd we have both moved on and he actually sat me down and said he totally understands where I was coming from and that he could see where he had gone wrong ... please keep strong if this is what you want you will both come out the other side stronger and wiser xxx Tabitha xxx

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

Calling someone whose circumstances you don't know a cheat because it fits your definition is name calling. In my opinion

Unless their OH knows they are playing away then it isn't name calling, it is a description

Their OH is directly involved and has every right to be as judgrmental as they want to be and can call them all the names under the sun as far as I'm concerned.

so I went and looked up the dictionary definition of the word "Cheat"

Cheat: Noun/Verb

"a person who behaves or acts dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage."

I think what had been described in the thread fits that word in this context... unless you can think of another word people can use?

Then your getting into defining fairness and advantage. Still grey areas and different levels of mitigation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...Obviously, a partner who withholds sex is indirectly making the other look elsewhere...

crystal

crystal"

When YOUR partner becomes impotent you may feel differently. Its not just about feelings or choices. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you just have to deal as best you can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To be fair Crystals, no one knows what goes on in other peoples relationships and just saying " communicate" or "make an effort" doesn't always help.

Sometimes things are more complicated

*************

This is very true. Sometimes it is just so lonely.

Ditto but it's far easier to be holier than thou and judgemental than it is to accept that you don't know the whole story or appreciate all the feelings involved.

Couldn't agree more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"its wrong but some people do deserve to be cheated on dont they.

Whilst I'm the vast majority of cases I would agree that there is no place for cheating. But you do have to look at each case on it's own.

I know someone who was in an abusive marriage, and couldn't end it on her own. The fear of the ex comming after her, the way he always could charm her that it was a mistake and to forgive him.

So sometimes it is acceptable.....

So she left and was putting an end to the relationship, not seeing someone else in secret without her husband having any knowledge? Unless there's more to the story then I don't see that as cheating as there was no deceit? Yes she may still have been married whilst the paperwork was put into place but the relationship was over from what I am reading and hubby knew it was over?

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By *ach3Man
over a year ago

Watford

"...Obviously, a partner who withholds sex is indirectly making the other look elsewhere...

crystal"

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By *ilthygorgeous1Couple
over a year ago

Oxford

"Some of you are so closed minded and judgemental.

If you are in a relationship where you are getting sex, you do not understand what its like.

There are a lot of emotional complications with not getting sex from home. It can make somebody feel angry, frustrated, lonely, not wanted, not attractive, sexually unable, worthless and more things.

Along with those things, you may have burning natural desires and the need for sex.

It's not as easy as saying "oh I'm not getting sex so ill leave you" - that's just stupid reasoning. There are many, many other factors to consider.

This site can sometimes simply offer positivity, intimacy, and all the other things which may not be available at home. They can make a person feel better about themselves.

Xxxx

Ok so why stay with that person??

Most relationships start out with certain sexual attraction that develops into something deeper- love friendship etc. Surely when we first clap eyes on a potential partner the initial roots of any feelings are purely carnal. So if a spouse or partner is withholding sex or after the relationship is in full flow why is that? Why won't he or she be intimate with you?

Is there not something fundamentally wrong there to be addressed rather than sneaking around behind that persons back?

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