FabSwingers.com forum: Setting Ground Rules/Boundaries

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I would love to hear from couples please regarding what rules/boundaries they have in place when swinging. Also is it the lady who has the, for want of a better word, 'power' in the swinging relationship and why? I am in a relationship but we both have single profiles so it's a little bit different to the normal couple thing but I think the issues are still pretty much the same and I would appreciate any advice people may think appropriate to share.

Thanks guys

Cheeky x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

rules and boundaries are specific to each couple so all I would say is talk it through as honestly as possible before and after every meet. We found that boundaries we initially set changed and some that we thought were set in stone actually weren't.

In our opinion no one person should hold the power, if one of us doesn't like something neither of us do it.

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By *W69Couple
over a year ago

Bournemouth

"rules and boundaries are specific to each couple so all I would say is talk it through as honestly as possible before and after every meet. We found that boundaries we initially set changed and some that we thought were set in stone actually weren't.

In our opinion no one person should hold the power, if one of us doesn't like something neither of us do it."

Really well put guys, we feel the same as you. Boundaries can always change at any point in time. With us it's communication, communication and communication.

If we could offer any advice it would be honesty with each other first and foremost and say what you want/don't want (sounds obvious) but not always the case.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If we could offer any advice it would be honesty with each other first and foremost and say what you want/don't want (sounds obvious) but not always the case. "

Yes we have met couples where its absolutely clear that one wasn't being honest with the other person or themselves.

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By *W69Couple
over a year ago

Bournemouth

If we could offer any advice it would be honesty with each other first and foremost and say what you want/don't want (sounds obvious) but not always the case.

Yes we have met couples where its absolutely clear that one wasn't being honest with the other person or themselves. "

Know what you mean, we've experienced this too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatever you set you need to look at them to see if they still suit...

And talk about them.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If we could offer any advice it would be honesty with each other first and foremost and say what you want/don't want (sounds obvious) but not always the case.

Yes we have met couples where its absolutely clear that one wasn't being honest with the other person or themselves.

Know what you mean, we've experienced this too

Its awkward isn't it? In a couple of instances it was quite clear that one partner was saying one thing but their actions and body language clearly said another, neither of us can work out if the other person honestly hasn't noticed or chooses to ignore it

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By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside

Try to take your chats and discussions out of the bedroom and into the cold light of day. I know its difficult at first but it will pay dividends later on when most eventualities have been chewed over.

We find there is nothing worse than being at a party or club and feeling somewhat overwhelmed by the occassion and feeling swept along.

We have been swinging for quite a few years now and are happy we can be comfortable to walk away from any situations but it takes a bit of time, effort and patience.

Don't be frightened to leave a party or club if you are not completely happy, you can always go back another time, there is no rush.

Most of all have fun on your terms, don't be shy about discussing your likes and dislikes with all the couples and singles you meet, it can be quite a sexy chat !! If you find someone who doesn't want the same as you, say so, we have many friends in the swinging scene we don't play with but have lovely times in clubs, parties and socials.

Have a wonderful time and most of all have fun. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have an equal say in what we do, if we don't agree on something it doesn't happen. Then before a meet we take care to set our boundaries for that particular set of circumstances (eg if it is going to be social only); and we are always both looking out for each other to see we are ok and checking there are no signals which say "this isn't working for me".

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

If someone is trying to shift your boundaries, then they are probably not for you, even if it is just for that meet. We have found it a high cost when swept along somewhat with others momentum, and the emotional cost is too high. So aim to get out, or step aside if things move away from your goals, such as at parties. Cover as much as you can beforehand, and speak with potential partners, allowing them chance to determine if you're for them. Sometimes a little time allows others to consider things properly, and not just get carried along through lust. You will definately be happier when your meets are more thoroughly briefed and in agreement to the same rules of engagement. Expect things to change over time, as you will learn from how things work, as well as develop new ideas. Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have an equal say in what we do, if we don't agree on something it doesn't happen. Then before a meet we take care to set our boundaries for that particular set of circumstances (eg if it is going to be social only); and we are always both looking out for each other to see we are ok and checking there are no signals which say "this isn't working for me". "

Absolutely...and we never change our boundaries mid meet unless we have had some form of communication verbal or non verbal...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks guys for all the replies...much appreciated.

I would love to hear from anyone who is in a similar postion as ourselves..ie we are a couple but have single profiles here and meet separately...what ground rules/boundaries/advice you may have.

Thanks

Cheeky xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Absolutely...and we never change our boundaries mid meet unless we have had some form of communication verbal or non verbal..."

We would always reserve the right to say no at any time. No is the biggest boundary. Any known boundaries (would never change) we think it's good to get in the open by both parties.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we always discuss between us what we don@t want out of a meet. Honestly and clearly and neither of us attempts to change the others mind if they don't want to do something.

We also discuss before every meet as, like others,our views / wants / desires may change or grow. We always tell the primary organiser about the do's and don'ts and ask that they ensure they communicate that with every one involved. Finally we have a code phrase '

i'm completely done' - when either of us says this all play stops immediatly (and we learnt the hard way by not having a stop phrase!!) xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trust and openness with each other is key .always walk in to play knowing your partners limits and have a word that only you both know that will let the other know you not comfortable at any time

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By *hebrummiesCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

mrs b has been to the club with someone other than Mr B and found a few problems which are very different to any we may encounter as a couple.

As a couple communication is easier, we talk at home and as advised above we know each others present desires and needs (which, we are human, change), we can both read each other pretty well and even when things have gone "wrong" have been able to talk about it and draw a line under it with precautions in place to ensure that situation doesn't happen again.

The problems going with someone you don't see day to day is that you aren't as in-synch with your partner, communication doesn't flow quite as easily. mrs b found one of her partners very over-protective and over bearing at the club, she found herself in a position where she had to take him aside and literally spell out that he was making things practically impossible, which in turn made the whole visit difficult.

From experience with partners you don't live with etc mrs b advises meeting beforehand for a cuppa, discussing exactly what is wanted that day and ensuring a full understanding of both visual and spoken safewords and actions, not just the usual stop/go, but something similar to the traffic light system, have an "amber" word/action in there too so you can communicate when limits are being reached rather than too late. (and tbh, red without a warning with someone you don't know extremely well is too late!).

It depends on the scenes you are looking for too, role-playing becomes difficult, be very comfortable if going for anything other than lots of sex! (ahem, no comment from a failed role-playing scenario mrs b had with someone at a club...

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we discussed it and decided what we wanted before we even did anything.

the only boundary that has changed is we started off not kissing, but after the first time felt it was something that was needed to make things feel natural.

otherwise our original boundaries still stand and we talk about them quite often

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By *uthLessKnickersCouple
over a year ago

Cornwall/Devon

"Thanks guys for all the replies...much appreciated.

I would love to hear from anyone who is in a similar postion as ourselves..ie we are a couple but have single profiles here and meet separately...what ground rules/boundaries/advice you may have.

Thanks

Cheeky xxx"

We are in a very similar situation as you. We have a couples profile (this one) and we each also have single profiles.

Our ground rules are not set in stone but rely on total honesty, openness, and trust. We each have total access to all profiles and single meets are fully discussed and approved by the other partner before going ahead. It works for us and we are having a fantastic time.

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