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Why is life so ruddy cruel ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Well we're swingers and divorcees right. Are we punished for this by some mighty being. I do often wonder. I have 2 sons. My eldest has recently got a fantastic job in IT, it's a dream job for him. My youngest called me today and told me he's got a job/career too today and it was the first job he applied for. Why them am I feeling so utterly mixed up.

Well I currently have anti matter and matter exploding in my brain. My partners's son is the diametric opposite. He drinks, he takes drugs and last night ended up in a horrid brawl and was hauled off by the police for the umpteenth time. It's like we are destined not to have any peace. Sorry to sound off about something like this on a website but it's as if we are being punished somehow for being bad people which I'm pretty sure we're not. Well my partner is the sweetest kindest person you could ever wish to meet and doesn't deserve all this horrid hassle.

I guess we can come up with all the cliche's like lifes a bitch and then you die etc. but actually it really is isn't it LOL. Anyway just having a post about the ying and yang in my life. The irony of it all is so biting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Leave your partner thus ending any connection with her son who sounds like a complete pain In the bum. Simples.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yep. That is one thing I could do. I think she is worth a bit more than that though so will keep that one on the back burner. But it is one way out.


"Leave your partner thus ending any connection with her son who sounds like a complete pain In the bum. Simples."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Leave your partner thus ending any connection with her son who sounds like a complete pain In the bum. Simples."

Is that some sort sort joke? if not what a stupid thing to say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yep. That is one thing I could do. I think she is worth a bit more than that though so will keep that one on the back burner. But it is one way out.

Leave your partner thus ending any connection with her son who sounds like a complete pain In the bum. Simples."

I gather she does not read the forum?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

He's right but not a thing to dwell on as it's very negative and not very wise.


"Leave your partner thus ending any connection with her son who sounds like a complete pain In the bum. Simples.

Is that some sort sort joke? if not what a stupid thing to say"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i know kids like that, take drugs, get into trouble, all sorts of bad stuff, yet they have parents who are well off and inteligent. i think most people do have a lot of problems with their kids though, lots of them just dont know what they get up to, they think they are little angels.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well we're swingers and divorcees right. Are we punished for this by some mighty being. I do often wonder. I have 2 sons. My eldest has recently got a fantastic job in IT, it's a dream job for him. My youngest called me today and told me he's got a job/career too today and it was the first job he applied for. Why them am I feeling so utterly mixed up.

Well I currently have anti matter and matter exploding in my brain. My partners's son is the diametric opposite. He drinks, he takes drugs and last night ended up in a horrid brawl and was hauled off by the police for the umpteenth time. It's like we are destined not to have any peace. Sorry to sound off about something like this on a website but it's as if we are being punished somehow for being bad people which I'm pretty sure we're not. Well my partner is the sweetest kindest person you could ever wish to meet and doesn't deserve all this horrid hassle.

I guess we can come up with all the cliche's like lifes a bitch and then you die etc. but actually it really is isn't it LOL. Anyway just having a post about the ying and yang in my life. The irony of it all is so biting.

"

I'm too young to be in your situation (I say that respectfully) but cant help but notice your comments as to how sweet and lovely your partner is. Has this had something to do with her sons lack of discipline then?

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Bad things can happen to good people. You can't choose family, everyone comes with baggage and people can and do change for the better.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Possibly. I wasn't angling for cause or explanation. Just a comment on how weird life can be at times. How happiness is balanced by sadness.


"Well we're swingers and divorcees right. Are we punished for this by some mighty being. I do often wonder. I have 2 sons. My eldest has recently got a fantastic job in IT, it's a dream job for him. My youngest called me today and told me he's got a job/career too today and it was the first job he applied for. Why them am I feeling so utterly mixed up.

Well I currently have anti matter and matter exploding in my brain. My partners's son is the diametric opposite. He drinks, he takes drugs and last night ended up in a horrid brawl and was hauled off by the police for the umpteenth time. It's like we are destined not to have any peace. Sorry to sound off about something like this on a website but it's as if we are being punished somehow for being bad people which I'm pretty sure we're not. Well my partner is the sweetest kindest person you could ever wish to meet and doesn't deserve all this horrid hassle.

I guess we can come up with all the cliche's like lifes a bitch and then you die etc. but actually it really is isn't it LOL. Anyway just having a post about the ying and yang in my life. The irony of it all is so biting.

I'm too young to be in your situation (I say that respectfully) but cant help but notice your comments as to how sweet and lovely your partner is. Has this had something to do with her sons lack of discipline then?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yep, You are right there


"Bad things can happen to good people. You can't choose family, everyone comes with baggage and people can and do change for the better. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Leave your partner thus ending any connection with her son who sounds like a complete pain In the bum. Simples."

yeah i would be tempted to, myself.

when its your own kids, you put up with it, but when its someone elses its different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Leave your partner thus ending any connection with her son who sounds like a complete pain In the bum. Simples.

Is that some sort sort joke? if not what a stupid thing to say"

Oh gosh sorry for having an opinion. How dare I. I personally feel that if someone is causing you extreme anxiety and unhappiness then sometimes the only option is to walk away from that situation. Harsh but true.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Leave your partner thus ending any connection with her son who sounds like a complete pain In the bum. Simples.

yeah i would be tempted to, myself.

when its your own kids, you put up with it, but when its someone elses its different."

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By *aveandkate35Couple
over a year ago

telford

I take it he's old enough to fend for himself? If so then some tough love.

Set the rules, and the consequences. I.e next time you get carted off by the police, get into a fight, throw up on the cat etc etc, then your out.

He's beyond the point of saying you'll take his sweets off him.

We had to do it with one of ours. She was making our life hell and in the end we sat her down and just said, we love you, but we can't live together anymore. She agreed with us that it was just destroying our relationship with her.

She did move out and hey presto. We also left it with the caveat that she would always have somewhere to stay if she was in reAl need, but made it clear that would be the sofa, no coming back to a room.

It's hard, but he'll thank you for it, not at first, he'll think your a c**t, but he will get over it and respect you for it later.

..... Or not, but who cares - he's out then.

D

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Well as I said I wasn't looking for a solution. Just commenting on how strange life is. I could go all terminator 2 on this. You know the bit at the end where Kyles's mum talks about whether we are in charge of our destiny or are their infinite possibilities that we go off on when we make a decision. Wooooo deep eh.


"Leave your partner thus ending any connection with her son who sounds like a complete pain In the bum. Simples.

yeah i would be tempted to, myself.

when its your own kids, you put up with it, but when its someone elses its different."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Leave your partner thus ending any connection with her son who sounds like a complete pain In the bum. Simples.

Is that some sort sort joke? if not what a stupid thing to say

Oh gosh sorry for having an opinion. How dare I. I personally feel that if someone is causing you extreme anxiety and unhappiness then sometimes the only option is to walk away from that situation. Harsh but true."

Well said, i wouldnt put up with it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Tried all that stuff. He was kicked out long ago. And then he went to sponge off his dad. As I've said We have tried all the solutions so It's just a comment really on the irony of how life pans out.


" I take it he's old enough to fend for himself? If so then some tough love.

Set the rules, and the consequences. I.e next time you get carted off by the police, get into a fight, throw up on the cat etc etc, then your out.

He's beyond the point of saying you'll take his sweets off him.

We had to do it with one of ours. She was making our life hell and in the end we sat her down and just said, we love you, but we can't live together anymore. She agreed with us that it was just destroying our relationship with her.

She did move out and hey presto. We also left it with the caveat that she would always have somewhere to stay if she was in reAl need, but made it clear that would be the sofa, no coming back to a room.

It's hard, but he'll thank you for it, not at first, he'll think your a c**t, but he will get over it and respect you for it later.

..... Or not, but who cares - he's out then.

D"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

p.s. He has called me a c??t LOL and thumped me several times in the face before I got the little bastard on the floor. Even then he shouted to onlookers. " he started it" so you see I have seen it all and know all the solutions. For some people there is no hope but as I said that is not the reason for my post.


"Tried all that stuff. He was kicked out long ago. And then he went to sponge off his dad. As I've said We have tried all the solutions so It's just a comment really on the irony of how life pans out.

I take it he's old enough to fend for himself? If so then some tough love.

Set the rules, and the consequences. I.e next time you get carted off by the police, get into a fight, throw up on the cat etc etc, then your out.

He's beyond the point of saying you'll take his sweets off him.

We had to do it with one of ours. She was making our life hell and in the end we sat her down and just said, we love you, but we can't live together anymore. She agreed with us that it was just destroying our relationship with her.

She did move out and hey presto. We also left it with the caveat that she would always have somewhere to stay if she was in reAl need, but made it clear that would be the sofa, no coming back to a room.

It's hard, but he'll thank you for it, not at first, he'll think your a c**t, but he will get over it and respect you for it later.

..... Or not, but who cares - he's out then.

D"

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yep Life is a funny old game but if we go down the route of divine retribution for being divorced and swinging I think we're on the wrong track.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Good comment,

Made me smile


"Yep Life is a funny old game but if we go down the route of divine retribution for being divorced and swinging I think we're on the wrong track.

"

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By *aveandkate35Couple
over a year ago

telford


"p.s. He has called me a c??t LOL and thumped me several times in the face before I got the little bastard on the floor. Even then he shouted to onlookers. " he started it" so you see I have seen it all and know all the solutions. For some people there is no hope but as I said that is not the reason for my post.

Tried all that stuff. He was kicked out long ago. And then he went to sponge off his dad. As I've said We have tried all the solutions so It's just a comment really on the irony of how life pans out.

I take it he's old enough to fend for himself? If so then some tough love.

Set the rules, and the consequences. I.e next time you get carted off by the police, get into a fight, throw up on the cat etc etc, then your out.

He's beyond the point of saying you'll take his sweets off him.

We had to do it with one of ours. She was making our life hell and in the end we sat her down and just said, we love you, but we can't live together anymore. She agreed with us that it was just destroying our relationship with her.

She did move out and hey presto. We also left it with the caveat that she would always have somewhere to stay if she was in reAl need, but made it clear that would be the sofa, no coming back to a room.

It's hard, but he'll thank you for it, not at first, he'll think your a c**t, but he will get over it and respect you for it later.

..... Or not, but who cares - he's out then.

D"

Yeah you just missed out the key bit - "you ain't comin back"

Don't get me wrong out daughter came back 3 times before I got it and said, "you're not coming back"

Anyway, good luck with it. If you won't kick him out you'll have to live with it.

D

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Good comment,

Made me smile

Yep Life is a funny old game but if we go down the route of divine retribution for being divorced and swinging I think we're on the wrong track.

"

Good because if we are being punished for bad stuff I must have done some really awful stuff and forgotten about it

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

ive been there with my 26 year old daughter shes now sectioned but I will always be there for her despite it all ... my husband adores her and she is not his but he could never walk away

my sis has had 3 kids all go off the rails but now things have calmed down they are actually quite nice now

hope it gets better for you

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By *ecor atorMan
over a year ago

York

Kick him out, do it as soon as the filth release him!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes by being caring and nice we enable bad behaviour, and although you are not in a position to change anyone, if you change your own perceptions and behaviour, indirectly you can sort things out, remember the golden rule.

reward good behaviour, ignore bad behaviour, then the lad wont have anyone to fight against, all he wants is attention, and it sounds like he is getting what he wants, the only person who can change is you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

We did sometime ago. As I said that was our solution but it hasn't paid off because his dad didn't have the courage or will to do it as well so the lesson was never learnt. It's obviously too complex to get across all the route we've travelled to get to where we are but my original post was to try and get across how weird life can be. Don't worry I can cope personally. Just a bit fed up with it.


"Kick him out, do it as soon as the filth release him!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for advice but I have nothing to do with him. Just waiting for mrs N to do the same. And I agree with absolutely everything you said.


"Sometimes by being caring and nice we enable bad behaviour, and although you are not in a position to change anyone, if you change your own perceptions and behaviour, indirectly you can sort things out, remember the golden rule.

reward good behaviour, ignore bad behaviour, then the lad wont have anyone to fight against, all he wants is attention, and it sounds like he is getting what he wants, the only person who can change is you."

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"We did sometime ago. As I said that was our solution but it hasn't paid off because his dad didn't have the courage or will to do it as well so the lesson was never learnt. It's obviously too complex to get across all the route we've travelled to get to where we are but my original post was to try and get across how weird life can be. Don't worry I can cope personally. Just a bit fed up with it.

Kick him out, do it as soon as the filth release him!"

I understand, sometimes you don't want advice or to talk things over you just want to say

"life is crap sometimes isn't it?"

and for someone else to say

"yea"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Let's hope it stays that way for you. Yeah he needs to be sectioned too. We have been telling people who are supposed to know about these things for the last 10 years that there was something not right with him


"ive been there with my 26 year old daughter shes now sectioned but I will always be there for her despite it all ... my husband adores her and she is not his but he could never walk away

my sis has had 3 kids all go off the rails but now things have calmed down they are actually quite nice now

hope it gets better for you"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We did sometime ago. As I said that was our solution but it hasn't paid off because his dad didn't have the courage or will to do it as well so the lesson was never learnt. It's obviously too complex to get across all the route we've travelled to get to where we are but my original post was to try and get across how weird life can be. Don't worry I can cope personally. Just a bit fed up with it.

Kick him out, do it as soon as the filth release him!

I understand, sometimes you don't want advice or to talk things over you just want to say

"life is crap sometimes isn't it?"

and for someone else to say

"yea""

Yeah, Bulls eye Mr or Mrs Nice couple. You are absolutely right. Thankyou. xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Thanks for advice but I have nothing to do with him. Just waiting for mrs N to do the same. And I agree with absolutely everything you said.

Sometimes by being caring and nice we enable bad behaviour, and although you are not in a position to change anyone, if you change your own perceptions and behaviour, indirectly you can sort things out, remember the golden rule.

reward good behaviour, ignore bad behaviour, then the lad wont have anyone to fight against, all he wants is attention, and it sounds like he is getting what he wants, the only person who can change is you."

I doubt Mrs N will ever change and blood is thicker than water x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"We did sometime ago. As I said that was our solution but it hasn't paid off because his dad didn't have the courage or will to do it as well so the lesson was never learnt. It's obviously too complex to get across all the route we've travelled to get to where we are but my original post was to try and get across how weird life can be. Don't worry I can cope personally. Just a bit fed up with it.

Kick him out, do it as soon as the filth release him!

I understand, sometimes you don't want advice or to talk things over you just want to say

"life is crap sometimes isn't it?"

and for someone else to say

"yea"

Yeah, Bulls eye Mr or Mrs Nice couple. You are absolutely right. Thankyou. xxx"

welcome and yea, life is crap sometimes

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yep I think you are right there too. For some people it's very hard to dish out tough love. I dunno if tough love necessarily works. Some people are just not very nice to deal with. period.


"

Thanks for advice but I have nothing to do with him. Just waiting for mrs N to do the same. And I agree with absolutely everything you said.

Sometimes by being caring and nice we enable bad behaviour, and although you are not in a position to change anyone, if you change your own perceptions and behaviour, indirectly you can sort things out, remember the golden rule.

reward good behaviour, ignore bad behaviour, then the lad wont have anyone to fight against, all he wants is attention, and it sounds like he is getting what he wants, the only person who can change is you.

I doubt Mrs N will ever change and blood is thicker than water x"

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