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Confidence.....lack of...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Help! Went to a really hot house party last night which was full of really hot & relaxed, nice people. We were both well up for it! Initially all was good - chatting etc, after a couple of hours the action started... But I (Mr) couldn't take the plunge! Gutted!

Mrs was patient - hosts and guests non pushy but I felt intimidated ...

I'm a newbie - a bit of experience, but not in that situation... Mrs is experienced. I was sober as well, most were drinking - I'm just wondering if anyone can offer some advice/ thoughts..?

We chatted to everyone & offers were there - I didn't hide my lack of experience either - help!!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Sometimes the occasion can be just too much and the more you try, the less chance of anything happening.

please just relax, it happens to most at some time...

onwards and UPwards next time...

enjoy

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hopefully! I sooooo wanted to get stuck in tho!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe consider a smaller party or just a couple while you find your feet. A large party might be too much until you are more used to the idea. Also you might begin play with your partner and then let others join in?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks - that's something we've discussed too x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First party I went to I was exactly the same. I think subconsciously you feel that you're obliged to perform (well I did anyway).

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It happens don't best yourself up about it. There are very few situations in life where you can go straight in without any qualms at all, maybe you need to take the pressure off yourself and go to events where it doesn't matter if you play or not and just enjoy the atmosphere or as has been said meet a couple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's happened to me too on our first house party.

The next one we went to we just intended it to be a social event so I suppose the pressure was off, and I was up all night

You'll be fine, just move on to your next experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're nervous - just play with eachother, rather than worry about getting involved with others. Having fun in the same room as others is an easy start point and will get you used to group activities without the pressure of involving others physically.

And once you get going, you may find it easier to commence bringing others into your fun - but if not - playing in company can also be a very exciting and pleasurable experience.

Good luck and just remember - there's never any rush!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is very easy to get inside your own head and talk yourself out of a hard on. I went through a stage of never having sex on meets because i was worried about either cuming to soon or not being able to raise one. This situation is less than ideal when you're a single guy because most ppl think you're taking the piss or have something to hide when you say you only do soft swing.

My advice is simple but easier said than done. Have a few drinks, but not too many. Invite ppl to yours so you're on familiar territory and have some fun. Once you're relaxed good things will happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

our first party i (mr) felt horrible being there.

was fine when all were chatting and laughing, but when people started playing, and for playing read fucking, it just felt very wierd and uncomfortable to me.

no idea what i was expecting, looking back lol

i just couldnt understand a bloke having sex with a woman in thr front room, while his other half disappeared to another part of the house doing the same with someone else, but thats just my sensibility.

we didnt play, didnt even get undressed, although V said she was happy to do stuff, i just couldnt, so we havent been to a party since.

havent any advice for you, just saying, it could have been much worse lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks all - uve given me a lot to mull over..... The thought of a party with everyone fucking everyone else really turns me on.... Perseverance would appear to be crucial! Perhaps if I'd 'slapped a fuckit' on the whole thing & took a step further inside it might have run differently..... There's ALWAYS next time!!

BIG kisses to Mrs for the support.... Fook - sound like a goddamn politician now...! FFS

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As long as you both continue to communicate you'll be fine mate. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

really like your post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not everyone is happy playing in public, I dislike house parties as I'm really not a exhibishionist and I feel very uncomfy being naked while lots of people are stood watching me, I prefer private meets or clubs where I can use private room, I find being naked in big groups very intimidating and I get very self conscious, maybe try a few different swinging situations like clubs or private meets and see what works best for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just take your time and go at your own pace. Your all there for your own enjoyment. So, slowly explore and see what works for you.

It may all come down to trial and error. But your here to explore and you can put this down as a small stone of experience.

Like they say, small stones make mountains.

..take your time, discuss with your partner what your both comfortable with and take it from there.

Good luck for the future.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's probably happened to most on the site.

We stopped going to clubs because most time we'd end up not playing

I know we've been to party's and in situations and afterwards have said "If only we'd have done.....".

These things happen, it's no good beating yourself up over it.

Just move on, try to relax and maybe have a drink next time but not enough to impair your performance.

Good luck.

XXXX

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Once again fab Fabbers .... A big thanks for taking time to read this post but, more incredibly, to think and offer your advice, thoughts and opinions!!

If there's anyone there who can offer any 1,2 or 3 to 1 assistance - drop us a line!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once again fab Fabbers .... A big thanks for taking time to read this post but, more incredibly, to think and offer your advice, thoughts and opinions!!

If there's anyone there who can offer any 1,2 or 3 to 1 assistance - drop us a line!!

"

dunno about help, but the towel rail in the bathroom has just broken, so if you wouldnt mind popping round, that would be awfully handy lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not everyone is happy playing in public, I dislike house parties as I'm really not a exhibishionist and I feel very uncomfy being naked while lots of people are stood watching me, I prefer private meets or clubs where I can use private room, I find being naked in big groups very intimidating and I get very self conscious, maybe try a few different swinging situations like clubs or private meets and see what works best for you "

I too don't like being naked in front of groups, and yet and I do like being fucked and watched (I just keep a little clothing on ).

OP have you tried the club scene? Tease II have the stable door scene: Closed door - no access, someone playing privately, stable door closed (bottom half) - watch, door open - come on in. Playing with the door closed could be your starting point...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once again fab Fabbers .... A big thanks for taking time to read this post but, more incredibly, to think and offer your advice, thoughts and opinions!!

If there's anyone there who can offer any 1,2 or 3 to 1 assistance - drop us a line!!

"

Looks like you had a 3sum with a Lady, so perhaps its the naked men are the problem, maybe you should try a 3sum with a guy? PS I am available

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By *ubberdollieWoman
over a year ago

Stoke

I have yet to go to a house party and actually play! My experience of them has not been good : People getting pissed and arguing been a big problem. Women getting pissed and crying. And guys not being able to get it up ( including my then partner) .

I think they can be far too intense, and the pressure is on to join in if its a small house where everyone is rolling around the shag pile!

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By *uthTVDerbysTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

Clearly the problem is the location. A Hot House. Glass walls. Extreme temperatures. Humidity. Plants everywhere stinging your bum. And that dodgy bloke Mr. Davidson - who tends the petunias. Creepy guy he is. Says he isn't taking pictures tues but I've seen him.

Solution: do it in your bedroom. Keep it private. The less the better. Ménage A Moi and all that. Keep everything First Party. That's just you then. And don't say it's being antisocial. The majority of folks on here are reading this very missive solo!

Goad to be of some help!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just go at your own pace and if you both eventually feel comfortable, just play with each other or alternatively if any playrooms are open for voyeurism you can try observing others at play to gauge what mental & stimulation the unfolding events have on you both.....

As others have stated try attending smaller group gatherings before attending larger parties....

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks one and all for all your effort and replies.... We really appreciate it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wasn't happy for along time, i always hid myself away in a corner but over time i have over come this and by the time i had hit Xtasia for their foam party this August i was well into the open in couples room playing as an 8some. I have even over come the need to have a drink which in my eyes makes the whole experience a pleasure to behold

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