FabSwingers.com forum: Is it ok to ask about sexual health?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Being a female profile, I've had rather a number of messages since I joined (most of who didn't read my profile anyway).

However I have discovered that with those I am interested in, when I ask them about if they have regular STI tests and what precautions they take (e.g. do they have unprotected sex with others) they never write back to me.

Is there some sort of unwritten rule that says you shouldn't ask these things?

Coming from a poly background rather than a swinging background, this kind of thing is totally normal to discuss with any prospective partner. Indeed I'd be worried if it wasn't brought up. Am I making some kind of faux pas here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't see why people wouldn't ask... We have asked and when they tell us they prefer bare, we wish them luck and pass them by.

We don't ask it a lot though, we just assume it's the given to get tested as we do.. and we take along plenty of condoms.

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By *utmegsMan
over a year ago

Closer than you think

I don't see why you shouldn't ask, and I'd assume that those who don't reply know that their answers will be the wrong ones.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

If you find asking uncomfortable, start off with a statement of YOUR situation.

If the other person doesn't take this a cue to respond with THEIR situation - head for the door.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Being a female profile, I've had rather a number of messages since I joined (most of who didn't read my profile anyway).

Is there some sort of unwritten rule that says you shouldn't ask these things?

I agree and would think its an obvious concern and I would like to know the same thing.

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By *ree8iveMan
over a year ago

CORNWALL

I'd say you are perfectly entitled to ask! Whilst it may not be sexy, its bloody important! And more importantly, its your body.

I always go with condoms...have regular checks and have only gone bareback with a longterm fb after wed both had a check...maybe not sexy, but responsible and grown up.

No faux pas at all....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you find asking uncomfortable, start off with a statement of YOUR situation.

If the other person doesn't take this a cue to respond with THEIR situation - head for the door."

I don't find it uncomfortable to ask or discuss at all (I am a grown up, after all!), I'm just wondering if it's just not the done thing since no one ever replies!

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By *ilthygorgeous1Couple
over a year ago

Oxford

Yes it's Ok to ask, why not? There's a possibility that you may be swapping spit at some point if you get on. Some people may find it a bit of an uncomfortable subject but really those who choose not to answer (in our opinion)should probably be steered well clear of.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

It's not only ok to ask, it's sensible and responsible.

Anyone who won't discuss it with you is probably not worth meeting.

Unless they are anti-bareback and think that you are asking if they're tested and clean so you can try to get them to play ungloved, I can't see any legitimate reason to mind you asking.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

seems fine by..

'are you riddled' is appropriate

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

It's a more than justifyable question, but unless you're asking them to bring proof, just remember that people lie.

Always keep stocked up on a good brand of condoms.

- Amy. x

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By *RYBBWCouple
over a year ago

Leeds.

Safety first safety second.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're playing safe, why ask?

Such a question would only make me think someone wanted to play bare.

The reason why people play safe is because they don't know their partner's sexual history. Plus, some STDs take time to show up in a test and some don't until they're visible.

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

"If you're playing safe, why ask?

No way of knowing if they telling truth anyway...

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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago

Currently Faraway

"Being a female profile, I've had rather a number of messages since I joined (most of who didn't read my profile anyway).

Is there some sort of unwritten rule that says you shouldn't ask these things?

of course you should ask, it's your health and your body involved as well! I'm afraid though, you can't do owt about people who just want to hide those issues...not your fault if they stop talking x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you're playing safe, why ask?

Such a question would only make me think someone wanted to play bare.

The reason why people play safe is because they don't know their partner's sexual history. Plus, some STDs take time to show up in a test and some don't until they're visible."

Being 'safe' involves more than just using condoms! Some STI's aren't stopped by just barrier protection and I don't think it's fair to expose those I care about (and myself) to risks like that.

Using condoms alone without asking about sexual history is not playing safe to me. I appreciate that would rule me out of some peoples fun and games.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you're playing safe, why ask?

Such a question would only make me think someone wanted to play bare.

The reason why people play safe is because they don't know their partner's sexual history. Plus, some STDs take time to show up in a test and some don't until they're visible.

Being 'safe' involves more than just using condoms! Some STI's aren't stopped by just barrier protection and I don't think it's fair to expose those I care about (and myself) to risks like that.

Using condoms alone without asking about sexual history is not playing safe to me. I appreciate that would rule me out of some peoples fun and games."

Hey, if it makes you feel better, do it.

It's just by the reasons you highlighted, the reality is you'll never be 100% sure. No matter what questions you ask, you won't have a complete understanding of someone's sexual history...and people lie!

I agree with you that condoms only protect you from certain STDs and a lot of people forget nasties can be passed orally too. Just concentrate on protecting yourself as best you can. You think about it too much and you'll forget you're supposed to be having fun!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/09/13 19:55:57]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one will ever say they pay no attention to their sexual health .

Very few will admit they are married or cheating on a partner .

Certificates of sexual health are not even available unless in exceptional circumstances. Results are texted in most cases .

We have had plenty of fun on fab , past and present and have never been questioned beforehand about what measures we take .

So no , it's not usual practice and you do run the risk of coming across as naive .

Good luck and happy swinging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you can ask about anything you want, from health to income, it doesnt mean you will get an answer.

and if you dont, then you treat them as you see fit.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I don't ask as I don't expect to be told the truth and think it foolish to believe anything anyone on a site like this tells me.

I assume the risk being promiscuous, having sex with strangers and protect myself the best I can and look after my own health.

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