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An interesting point of view...

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By *_Marius OP   Man
over a year ago

Currently Faraway

I came across a few days ago, was that basically it is possible -hypothetically- to be in a club and end up having fun and games in the play area with the same person whom you rejected online. I just wanted to elaborate a bit on that view and have some some of your views plz.

I am sure you have had to either not respond or say "thanks but no thanks" to lots of singles or even other cpls. Now, suppose you happen to see the same people in a swingers club and you have recognized them from face photos but they don't know you, and after being approached by them, chatting and all, you all end up having fun with each other.

What would be -or what has been even- the factor that would change/ had changed your mind? What is it that would make you/has made you feel differnt about the people/person?

**PLEASE** be aware, this is not in any way a whining-nagging post, just a genuine interest on people's psychology of the moment x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all about the attraction. There are certain types that I don't actively search for but would definitely go for in real life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe some people aren't too good at trying to get their point/message ouer by the written word. But they are articulate and well mannered in the flesh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a couple messaging us a while back looking to meet. When I looked at their profile it said they only wanted ladies size 12 and under. So before I sent them face pics I told them I was a 16 and got a reply of "Sorry we don't play with fat people" or something to the like.

Few months later we saw them at a club and they approached us to play. Might be petty but I got a great deal of satisfaction out of giving them a "No thanks!".

Next time maybe they won't write people off based on a number!

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By *exxifun5Couple
over a year ago

NORWICH


"There was a couple messaging us a while back looking to meet. When I looked at their profile it said they only wanted ladies size 12 and under. So before I sent them face pics I told them I was a 16 and got a reply of "Sorry we don't play with fat people" or something to the like.

Few months later we saw them at a club and they approached us to play. Might be petty but I got a great deal of satisfaction out of giving them a "No thanks!".

Next time maybe they won't write people off based on a number!

"

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By *_Marius OP   Man
over a year ago

Currently Faraway


"There was a couple messaging us a while back looking to meet. When I looked at their profile it said they only wanted ladies size 12 and under. So before I sent them face pics I told them I was a 16 and got a reply of "Sorry we don't play with fat people" or something to the like.

Few months later we saw them at a club and they approached us to play. Might be petty but I got a great deal of satisfaction out of giving them a "No thanks!".

Next time maybe they won't write people off based on a number!

"

L O L

cheers guys, keep your views coming xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its quite simple really.

maybe, the opening gambit on the site was a little cras or rubbish, the pictures didnt do he messager justice, too far away, any number of factors, yet in the correct environment, at the right time, with hormones racing, anything is possible.

who knows, maybe in the cold light of the next morning, they regretted doing what they did in the club, you wouldnt know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What an excellent question posted by the OP. Well here goes. Hopefully wont get shot down in flamesby somebody. We do get a fair amount of people asking us to take a look at their profile.

We've been at it for some 10 or 11 years now and have settled on sorts of things we like. We have a profile which sort of lays out what we feel makes for a successful meet for us. I absolutely realise that such an approach is flawed. There are people that smoke for example that we've met in early days that we had great fun with. On the other hand some smokers we met were really pongy and smelt rank so rather then compromise and run the risk of disappointment we now say polite no thanks. Mrs N is not so keen on meeting peeps in their 20s for example, however if we met you at a club we wouldn't say no would we if you came up to us.

So if you do get rejected for whatever reason by anyone else I don't think you should get too annoyed about it. They may just be making abitrary decisions based on past experience.

The final comment I have to make is the business of face pix. On a good day a good piccy can convey your inner warmth and smiley nature. However we don't all take gorgeous pix do we. When emails first arrive asking us if we like peeps I personally have to think hmmmmmm will Mrs N like that person. Sometimes I just know she wont. Other times I think I'm just not sure. She'll sort of come and look over my shoulder and she'll suprise me by say. yeaaaaaaah well OK, let's give em a try. sometimes the first time she's seen them she says no but second time people get in touch she says yes. What I'm trying to say is a face piccy is essential to us in making a decision but people are often better looking in the flesh. Perhaps we are worse in the flesh. I dunno what answer is but....... next time you meet that couple that rejected you on Fab at a club don't be quite so huffy and up your own arse because some of us do take quite alot of trouble to decide whether to meet or not. It can be quite painful at times.

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By *_Marius OP   Man
over a year ago

Currently Faraway


"What an excellent question posted by the OP. Well here goes. Hopefully wont get shot down in flamesby somebody. We do get a fair amount of people asking us to take a look at their profile.

We've been at it for some 10 or 11 years now and have settled on sorts of things we like. We have a profile which sort of lays out what we feel makes for a successful meet for us. I absolutely realise that such an approach is flawed. There are people that smoke for example that we've met in early days that we had great fun with. On the other hand some smokers we met were really pongy and smelt rank so rather then compromise and run the risk of disappointment we now say polite no thanks. Mrs N is not so keen on meeting peeps in their 20s for example, however if we met you at a club we wouldn't say no would we if you came up to us.

So if you do get rejected for whatever reason by anyone else I don't think you should get too annoyed about it. They may just be making abitrary decisions based on past experience.

The final comment I have to make is the business of face pix. On a good day a good piccy can convey your inner warmth and smiley nature. However we don't all take gorgeous pix do we. When emails first arrive asking us if we like peeps I personally have to think hmmmmmm will Mrs N like that person. Sometimes I just know she wont. Other times I think I'm just not sure. She'll sort of come and look over my shoulder and she'll suprise me by say. yeaaaaaaah well OK, let's give em a try. sometimes the first time she's seen them she says no but second time people get in touch she says yes. What I'm trying to say is a face piccy is essential to us in making a decision but people are often better looking in the flesh. Perhaps we are worse in the flesh. I dunno what answer is but....... next time you meet that couple that rejected you on Fab at a club don't be quite so huffy and up your own arse because some of us do take quite alot of trouble to decide whether to meet or not. It can be quite painful at times.

"

"next time you meet that couple that rejected you on Fab at a club don't be quite so huffy and up your own arse" I actually DID ask that no negative comments be posted on this one, please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we seldom get what we ask for..

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By *_Marius OP   Man
over a year ago

Currently Faraway

if you were talking generally, i apologise for misunderstanding

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

simples

FULL BALLS = EMPTY HEAD

there is no logic when it comes to sex, morals fly out of the window...

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By *essesCouple
over a year ago

nottingham

We had a chap message us on here who was a body builder and so we wrongly assumed he wouldn't be our type or us his. We then happened to meet him at a club and were so glad we got chatting as he was one of the loveliest chaps and great fun. Needless to say we don't stereo type anymore and don't make snap decisions based on one photo.

Lisa

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What an excellent question posted by the OP. Well here goes. Hopefully wont get shot down in flamesby somebody. We do get a fair amount of people asking us to take a look at their profile.

We've been at it for some 10 or 11 years now and have settled on sorts of things we like. We have a profile which sort of lays out what we feel makes for a successful meet for us. I absolutely realise that such an approach is flawed. There are people that smoke for example that we've met in early days that we had great fun with. On the other hand some smokers we met were really pongy and smelt rank so rather then compromise and run the risk of disappointment we now say polite no thanks. Mrs N is not so keen on meeting peeps in their 20s for example, however if we met you at a club we wouldn't say no would we if you came up to us.

So if you do get rejected for whatever reason by anyone else I don't think you should get too annoyed about it. They may just be making abitrary decisions based on past experience.

The final comment I have to make is the business of face pix. On a good day a good piccy can convey your inner warmth and smiley nature. However we don't all take gorgeous pix do we. When emails first arrive asking us if we like peeps I personally have to think hmmmmmm will Mrs N like that person. Sometimes I just know she wont. Other times I think I'm just not sure. She'll sort of come and look over my shoulder and she'll suprise me by say. yeaaaaaaah well OK, let's give em a try. sometimes the first time she's seen them she says no but second time people get in touch she says yes. What I'm trying to say is a face piccy is essential to us in making a decision but people are often better looking in the flesh. Perhaps we are worse in the flesh. I dunno what answer is but....... next time you meet that couple that rejected you on Fab at a club don't be quite so huffy and up your own arse because some of us do take quite alot of trouble to decide whether to meet or not. It can be quite painful at times.

"

what a well thought out post, and we are in full agreement.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"Maybe some people aren't too good at trying to get their point/message ouer by the written word. But they are articulate and well mannered in the flesh."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

great question ~ I've thought about that too!

The way I see it is ~ on here you're 'browsing' profiles, seeing if people meet with your check list & discarding if they don't in a sedentary environment like home / office etc etc ~ where as in a club with the atmosphere, anticipation, excitement & a large glass of vino or 2 (I'm talking me not you!) a more 'doing' environment is created & you view people in a different way!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it that on here people are on of many and psychologically you automatically approach a profile with an air of caution

In a club situation you are face to face and these barriers breakdown a little

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because of the volume of messages we girls get - my profile is ultra picky to try and out only selected meets and be able to chat with just a few guys - but in clubs I am no where as picky - so answer would be yes xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What an excellent question posted by the OP. Well here goes. Hopefully wont get shot down in flamesby somebody. We do get a fair amount of people asking us to take a look at their profile.

We've been at it for some 10 or 11 years now and have settled on sorts of things we like. We have a profile which sort of lays out what we feel makes for a successful meet for us. I absolutely realise that such an approach is flawed. There are people that smoke for example that we've met in early days that we had great fun with. On the other hand some smokers we met were really pongy and smelt rank so rather then compromise and run the risk of disappointment we now say polite no thanks. Mrs N is not so keen on meeting peeps in their 20s for example, however if we met you at a club we wouldn't say no would we if you came up to us.

So if you do get rejected for whatever reason by anyone else I don't think you should get too annoyed about it. They may just be making abitrary decisions based on past experience.

The final comment I have to make is the business of face pix. On a good day a good piccy can convey your inner warmth and smiley nature. However we don't all take gorgeous pix do we. When emails first arrive asking us if we like peeps I personally have to think hmmmmmm will Mrs N like that person. Sometimes I just know she wont. Other times I think I'm just not sure. She'll sort of come and look over my shoulder and she'll suprise me by say. yeaaaaaaah well OK, let's give em a try. sometimes the first time she's seen them she says no but second time people get in touch she says yes. What I'm trying to say is a face piccy is essential to us in making a decision but people are often better looking in the flesh. Perhaps we are worse in the flesh. I dunno what answer is but....... next time you meet that couple that rejected you on Fab at a club don't be quite so huffy and up your own arse because some of us do take quite alot of trouble to decide whether to meet or not. It can be quite painful at times.

"next time you meet that couple that rejected you on Fab at a club don't be quite so huffy and up your own arse""

Was that a general comment or aimed at my post? I wouldn't say I'm huffy or up my own arse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ah that was a silly mistake. I meant that last comment in general. damn out of context. I was doing OK up to then wasn't I

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I still say this was an excellent question posted by the OP and I apologise for my stupid comment at the end. I think I was just trying to end it with some witty banter and it backfired terribly. I told you I would get shot down in flames and hey presto I did put the proverbial foot in it. Sorry OP I didn't mean you just anyone that gets huffy and arsy if they get rejected.

Poster disappears in a pile of steaming pooh

Was that a general comment or aimed at my post? I wouldn't say I'm huffy or up my own arse."

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

We have met a few couples and singles at parties that we had previously politely said 'thanks but no thanks' too when they had messaged us.

Some of them we ended up playing with as in person they were lovely, fun, sexy and we got on well. Profiles and messages can sometimes be a hit and miss and not show people in the best light.

Also had couples approach us at parties that had turned us down when we messaged them.

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By *ause and EffectCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

Great question

When browsing profiles it's a real mixed bag as there are so many things to potentially take into consideration - age, height, preferances, ability to accom, pic clarity - and that's even before any two way conversations take place!!

I admit that I've met people in real life whose profile would be 'not quite right for me' but who I get on great with.

Added to that, I'm not sure that sexual attraction can be evaluated without actually meeting a person - but I can't possibly meet all the people here to find out which ones will work out!!!

And I might like a profile one day but wouldn't if I read it the next!

I guess I'm saying is that we are fickle creatures, that on paper you can't tell if you'll click with someone - but that in reality you have to apply a criteria to choosing who to meet which often isn't personal

Taz x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They very different things online it is very difficult to really gauge people but in the flesh it is so much easier I think online I'm much more open to meet people but the mrs takes a quick glance and it's no way, but in clubs she is very different we talk an have a laugh and things happen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have experienced it the other way around. .

Met some lovely sexy people at a party or club (who told me they were on here)...with whom I have occasionally played.

So I would look them up the next day and OMG.....if I had seen their profile first, I would never have met them! Lol...It can go the other way of course! Lol ...

Sometimes people dont present themselves very well online or on their profile, especially with ill thought out messages but in reality they might be gorgeous and lovely!

It is not easy to always make the right decision online. We can only go by the information presented to us, wheras in real life...you get to see and talk to the real person!

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By *_Marius OP   Man
over a year ago

Currently Faraway


"ah that was a silly mistake. I meant that last comment in general. damn out of context. I was doing OK up to then wasn't I "

no worries naughty, just keep your views coming, it's helpful xx

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By *ause and EffectCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"no worries naughty, just keep your views coming, it's helpful xx"

Helpful for what?! Do you actually work for Sydney University?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The two most common reasons I turn people down are distance and inability to accommodate. At a club, neither of those factors matter so yes, I probably have played at a club with people I've turned down on here.

Also, generally I have a different mentality at a club, I've gone because I want to play. Whereas I may have just logged onto fab because on bored on the bus to work.

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By *_Marius OP   Man
over a year ago

Currently Faraway


"no worries naughty, just keep your views coming, it's helpful xx

Helpful for what?! Do you actually work for Sydney University? "

Damn, you caught me!

It actually helps me to gain an insight on the psychology of people, so that I don't get trapped in my own biased view and constantly take on-line rejections to heart...it's nice I think to see things from other people's perspective if you can xoxox

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive seen pics of guys i would never be attracted to but in the flesh a glint in their eye or a sexy smile or just oozing confidence...its all a turn on...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have experienced it the other way around. .

Met some lovely sexy people at a party or club (who told me they were on here)...with whom I have occasionally played.

So I would look them up the next day and OMG.....if I had seen their profile first, I would never have met them! Lol...It can go the other way of course! Lol ...

Sometimes people dont present themselves very well online or on their profile, especially with ill thought out messages but in reality they might be gorgeous and lovely!

It is not easy to always make the right decision online. We can only go by the information presented to us, wheras in real life...you get to see and talk to the real person!

"

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

I was approached a few weeks back in a club by a couple who do not play with married people. I knew they had blocked me but they probably did not remember and my marital status did not stop them from wanting to play with me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was approached a few weeks back in a club by a couple who do not play with married people. I knew they had blocked me but they probably did not remember and my marital status did not stop them from wanting to play with me."

Thats interesting & I'm not sure if this applies in your case but in a recent thread I would say the majority of couples who replied said they wouldn't entertain the idea of playing with a married person ( if their other half didn't know)

Is it a case of 'what goes on in a club stays in a club'......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've said all along, people say they wont play with married people who are cheating, but when you are in a club and see a girl or guy, how do you know?

Lucky if you remember them from an email six months past on Fab and can recall their marital status.

Gotta say for me NSA means no strings attached. if I liked the look of the person in the club and they hadnt been rude in the mail, I would probably reconsider, some people just dont sell themselves well in print and sometimes I can change my mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've played with people at clubs who's profiles we wouldn't have given a second glance.

And we are friends with and have played with a woman that I chatted too as a single and it went nowhere at the time.

Real life and online are not the same thing. Even people that we clash with in the forums, unless they had been particularly abusive or aggressive, if we met at a club and got on then we'd see no reason not to play.

If this thread shows anything, it is that those that are struggling online and ignore the oft given advice to try clubs/socials etc really are limitting their options.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We've played with people at clubs who's profiles we wouldn't have given a second glance.

And we are friends with and have played with a woman that I chatted too as a single and it went nowhere at the time.

Real life and online are not the same thing. Even people that we clash with in the forums, unless they had been particularly abusive or aggressive, if we met at a club and got on then we'd see no reason not to play.

If this thread shows anything, it is that those that are struggling online and ignore the oft given advice to try clubs/socials etc really are limitting their options."

well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There was a couple messaging us a while back looking to meet. When I looked at their profile it said they only wanted ladies size 12 and under. So before I sent them face pics I told them I was a 16 and got a reply of "Sorry we don't play with fat people" or something to the like.

Few months later we saw them at a club and they approached us to play. Might be petty but I got a great deal of satisfaction out of giving them a "No thanks!".

Next time maybe they won't write people off based on a number!

"

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

It's almost always the case that you will never REALLY know what a person is like until you meet them face to face. Unfortunately people get filtered out on here by the site features. At a club you are less likely to get a warning pop up* if you try and approach someone who might not be looking for your type, and you stand a much better chance of making an impression.

*Although this might be an idea!

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By *_Marius OP   Man
over a year ago

Currently Faraway


"We've played with people at clubs who's profiles we wouldn't have given a second glance.

And we are friends with and have played with a woman that I chatted too as a single and it went nowhere at the time.

Real life and online are not the same thing. Even people that we clash with in the forums, unless they had been particularly abusive or aggressive, if we met at a club and got on then we'd see no reason not to play.

If this thread shows anything, it is that those that are struggling online and ignore the oft given advice to try clubs/socials etc really are limitting their options."

I am definitely begin to feel the general wisdom that if you want to swing, a swingers' club or social is the place, not really the cyber space

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They very different things online it is very difficult to really gauge people but in the flesh it is so much easier I think online I'm much more open to meet people but the mrs takes a quick glance and it's no way, but in clubs she is very different we talk an have a laugh and things happen "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's almost always the case that you will never REALLY know what a person is like until you meet them face to face. Unfortunately people get filtered out on here by the site features. At a club you are less likely to get a warning pop up* if you try and approach someone who might not be looking for your type, and you stand a much better chance of making an impression.

*Although this might be an idea!"

As many threads have said in the past, get out to clubs and socials, and as you have said " face to face"...

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