FabSwingers.com forum: So why do single attached guys do it?

By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

Well the "are their any genuine swingers on this site" thread just really got our goat!

So come on - why do you supposedly single but actually attached/married guys do it? (a lot more than the supposedly single but actually attached/married ladies apparently)

And though some of you would say 'because it's with my partners consent but they dont' want to swing' we are sure that is true in some cases but we don't believe it (from the ones we have met) is very often the case.

Now we have met some 'single' guys and some 'single attached married' guys and some ladies of both variations and we had a great time with all of them so please don't call us prejudiced, but the question we gotta ask this time for our own sanity is why do so many of you married guys do it?

We mean, it must be more than glaringly obvious you would have *a lot more success* as a couple!!

So is it because:

A: you a completely unable to communicate with your own wife/partner about what you really want out of life?

B: You are more than happy to shag other peoples wives but you are far too jealous/possesive to let anyone come anywhere near yours!

C: You asked your partner but they said 'no' so you decided to go ahead with it anyway

D: none of the above (please explain we would love to know)

Also as an aside why are there so many more single married attached guys in the swinging world than the equivalent females - from our own expecrience ladies love NSA sex it as least as much as (and to be honest we would say more so) than guys - when did u ever here of a 'greedy guy' lol Does this mean there are a lot of frustrated married females out there being denied these pleasures by their own guys who seek them?

OK over to you.......

xxxxxx

Ju & Rich

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wow i wish i was so lucid ,, the best post i have ever seen on here xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx well said xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

want their cake and eat it ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe an interesting question to ask as a couple would be, if my partner wasn't into swinging and i was, would i do the same. Or, if i wasn't into swinging, would my partner still swing.

It's very easy to make a judgement when were in a situation where we haven't got to worry about making the wrong choice.

I don't condone it but just playing devil's advocate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good post Rich N Judy.We'd say A,B and C about nails it and gets it said.

XXXX

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By *eznhannahCouple
over a year ago

leeds

good question, but for us it was somthing we got into together, and do together, would feel very alien to do it on our own,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't wait to read some of the reply's......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a simple answer to the very complicated,but very good,question is genetics.man wasnt made to be monogamous,if its got a pulse we will,in all honesty,try anyway we can to shag it

...lets face it,if a married/attached bloke thinks he has a chance of a bit of nookie on the side he is going to take it,and i might add,so will his missus,(yes it IS the voice of experience talkin,my ex did it for four years with the guy next door)but thats a different story

jim

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By *hotandsexyCouple
over a year ago

llanelli

yr right jim in this day and age, guys and girls are as bad as each other,

thats why, well we have started swingging as i feel there is no need to play about, when both of us are having fun

and at the end of the day, sex is fun. but cant beat cuddling up to her in the cold winter nights,

and there is no way ill play about knowing that i could lose that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't really pass comment as I have tried to cop off without the wife..

There is a slight twist on this though, something we never ever thought of when we started and its the obsessive blokes who are attached and married that play..

We know of at least two and one of those is alive and kicking around on this site ( No names sadly.. Unless P.M'd lol) But he shows swinging to be 100% what it shouldn't be simple as..

Then.. we also know a couple that actively seek married men playing away as they are considered by them.. safer!!

Lets be fair to some.. at least they admit it in a profile, so many more don't eh.. or worse have multiple profiles!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jeeze if ever there was an edit button needed lol.. Thats NEVER tried to cope of without the wife ff's... Posse moment if ever lol...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Last time i posted anything about married people....guys or girls, i got slated so methinx me will keep mouth shut!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"Jeeze if ever there was an edit button needed lol.. Thats NEVER tried to cope of without the wife ff's... Posse moment if ever lol..."

Notts that has got to be the worse typo I have ever ever read on here......and you can't edit it...I read that and thought...well Im not going to say what I thought but you can guess lol

Sort your finger out mate! pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bad eh... I normally read it back but missed it...

Had coffee now and a can of red bull lol.. Hopefully some kind mod will edit it for me...

Are all the mods posse?????

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"Bad eh... I normally read it back but missed it...

Had coffee now and a can of red bull lol.. Hopefully some kind mod will edit it for me...

Are all the mods posse?????"

No only me lol I can only delete the message not edit it...even I don't have that much power I only have a couple of extra buttons to play with pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ju has already read it now anyway... even she says 'what a tw**' but we knew that anyways lol...

Nahh.. its ok.. I knew what I meant lol..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loved the two guys down at chams

On two different occasions,i always ask singles if they have a partner and if they have why are they not with them normally get she doesent know or dosent want to do it etc

But on two occasions the males have said "i wouldnt bring my wife to a place like this"

Needless to say they didnt get to join us lol.

Craig xx

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

It never ceases to amaze me how many couples (well one half of the couple) I bump into when they are out with another half of a couple and get told “you haven’t seen us” ….. then sometime later see them posting in a thread (not necessarily this one) ripping the shit out of married guys who join sites as a single.

Hey ho!

No cheating isn’t right in my book either, but their life is none of my business and I certainly don’t feel I have the right to demand an explanation from complete strangers I have no intention of meeting. The only time it bugs me is when they contact you and treat you like a muppet by insult your intelligence by pretending they are not attached or post seek public sympathy for their situation. Other than that I have better things to do with my life than worry about what someone else wants to do with theirs.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

No attached men or women answered yet then. I mentioned women too as they play away too.

Obviously I can't comment as I am neither, but I am sure you will find lots of different reasons as to why.

I have a friend who has not had sex with his wife for 14 years but has never strayed and then I know of someone else who's wife is open to most things sexually, tries to keep the spice going with new things etc, and yet he beds anyone who will let him.

I am sure if the men are brave enough to answer, you will get lots of different answers...but they will probably not answer for fear of being slated...( and who can blame them )so I doubt you will get many answering Judy.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

wish I could answer it... but I am one of these genuinely single guys...

I do know of attached guys in the scene who do play with the wife's persmission, and vice versa so that is the one distinction I would make

I know the single "married/attached" person thing does annoy a lot of people... all I wish is that they were fully honest about it, that way at least you can make a decision that you feel comfortable with knowing the facts

deceit for me isn't swinging....

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By *lirty14uMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Good question to ask.

I will play alone, but we cam together sometimes in chat. That's our choice, it works for us. This is detailed in my profile, which is a Single Guy one, because that's what I am offering to others.

The whats, why and wherefores are as personal to us as your reasons for swinging are to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

WELL DONE and WELL SAID Ju and Rich.....often thought similar myself but could never have written the post as well as you guys did.Am enjoying reading the replies too.......

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

its a shame, but really only the guys or women who are married and cheating can answer your questions ..and i got a feeling ...your not gonna get many to cough ..

So to try to help draw them out. Just a few points or potential mitigating curcumstances.

It is possible married men feel that need to spread the dna,like women are

drawn to seek the best carrier of DNA they can. Both are constrained by social norms or the need to stay (and rightly look after kids)

Perhaps to cheat is the norm ...how many of us can say they never cheated on anyone when exploring sexuality and growing up, I have never been married but i know i cant say it.

i am not condoning it ...just thinking it "might" be a reason,the hunt,that need to spread the seed or recieve seed ,sometimes overides what is just a

piece of paper.

Someone said .,..having your cake and eating it earlier and .....research indicates thats right for men and

women .

How many marrieds just on here or privately lust after others, but do not admit it, or even do admit to it in these forums,lusting after some celebrity.Perhaps and this is deliberately contentious

there is an honesty in cheating following an instinct put into us since our earliest existence.Without that urge we would not be here now .

Monogamous marriage is a relatively modern concept with multi partner informal marriage being the norm for most of human history. Monogamy was a control measure put onto us by the church and it is believed not a natural state for humans.

If the sanctity of marriage is realiant on one man one woman union. Why do we have swinging at all or christian swing groups even, who follow that non monogamous ideal as the natural way.

Isnt swinging Itself testament to that driving need to seek alternative partners .All that has hapopened in a cheating marriage is one partner can resist there baser instincts, more than another,sometimes the male ...sometimes the female.

Perhaps, it is really that the constraints and critiques we put on marrieds who cheat from within swinging, really itself just another control measure, Based on the insecurity that,potentiaslly they will stray and not come back (a sort of pre-emptive collective critique)

Men are generally seen as instigators of infidelity as it has always been there role to hunt and seek a fresh mate at every opportunity .(that role tho is changing).

Cheating is a complicated issue as we are complicated beings .If you do trust someone totally as many maintain .Shouldnt they be able to go with whom they wish follow there instincts and know they will come back, because they love you and want to be with you.

If not isnt your marriage truly not worth the paper its written on?

MR X

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

I do know of attached guys in the scene who do play with the wife's persmission, and vice versa so that is the one distinction I would make

Well yes we did say that we have met a few and we know some do play with their partners consent but we don't think that is all that common from our own experience - hey even we will meet alone if the fancy takes us but then we are *both* swingers.

So it's not a judgemental question just an openly interested one. Someone said that males are not naturally monogomous, then goes on to contradict their own argument by saying women are just as likely to play away. The concensus of expert opinion agrees with that - we as a species are not naturally monogamous - male or female.

No answer from single attached males yet - or females for that matter - does that really mean that (apart from those few playing with consent from a non swinging partner) A B and C does just about cover it all?

xxxx

Ju & Rich

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

....deep breath.......attatched female, playing without partners knowledge or permission

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"....deep breath.......attatched female, playing without partners knowledge or permission"

your free to speak sister ...come on in ...the guns are all unloaded

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Yes, lets see if we can get some marrieds giving their views without anyone attacking them for being married and playing.

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

That would be good. We certainly promise to be nice

xxx

J&R

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problem for genuine swingers is that the continual dilution of this lifestyle with “honest I am single” folk means that all swing sites are now happy hunting grounds for married men and women who are simply looking to perpetuate their cheating habit.

A look at the majority of “single” folk profiles will show that rather than bringing something to the lifestyle they are simply on the take.

It’s an accepted fact that for swinging to take place a couple needs to be involved, otherwise it is simply NSA fun between 2 consenting adults. With that in mind why is it that so many “single” folk profiles state they are looking for fun with other “single” folk?

I am sure some will argue they are looking for potential fuck buddies but the cynic in me thinks that is simply smoke and mirrors to mask what is really going on.

A great indicator for this is to take a look at any single profile and check out the verifications, genuine single swingers will have an even spread of meets with couples and singles. Those who list a string of encounters with other “singles” are simply using this site and others to find the sort of fun you have at the end of the night in any night club or disco in the land, does not matter how they dress that up they are not swinging.

Married folk playing away will always migrate to sites like this because there are just enough folk like Polo, and I mean absolutely nothing derogatory here, who simply want to have fun and could not care about others private lives which makes it worth a shot. If sites were full of sanctimonious old gits like me who actually believe in the sanctity of marriage then the cheats would stay away but we are all part of a live and let live society so like it or not cheats are here to stay.

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Both me and wiggles play as a couple, unless it's Domination, then wiggles plays alone..

Either of us can play solo, but wiggles isn't interested in singles and umm no women seem to want to borrow me anyway lol :P

We have allways had a very open relationship anyway, long before we found swinging, though it always just equaled one of us having gone drinking with mates, having pulled, had great time, followed by comming home telling partner what we did, resulting in some amazing sex together.. (oddly this is now a rarety since we discovered swing clubs)

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

Without taking this too far off thread to suggest singles contribute nothing to the lifestyle is not credible .As a group of now 13 singles who get together for fun ..sometimes in 2,3,4s 5s we swing as we wish, creating no harm .We do meet couples but only at the couples request and only after we all agree.There are many such groups as ours but there is not a heading for them at present.

I think if we start applying our own personal moral codes and attaking people who do swing outside of there marriage contract ...(Until i know more i will no longer use Cheat) they will never contribute to this thread .

MR X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who suggested singles contribute nothing?

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again.

If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating.

If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating

If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating.

To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating.

Surely the majority of attached cheaters on this site are on this site purely for sex because they think that if they ask for NSA sex with swingers, it's easier than explaining to Doris/Nigel on a friday night, why they have to go to her/his house or get their leg over in the back of a car in a deserted layby.

Thats not swinging............

Its cheating!

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again.

If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating.

If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating

If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating.

To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating.

Thats not swinging............

Its cheating!"

How is it cheating, if both partners know about it? (not sugesting for a moment that all do)

Wiggles plays alone while enjoying her domination sessions, In no way shape or form could I ever see her doing so as cheating.. I allways know exactly when/where and what happens..

To hear someone claim that its all cheating unless your both doing involved, as a couple ,just realy does show what a non openminded group swingers realy can be...

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again.

If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating.

If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating

If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating.

To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating.

Thats not swinging............

Its cheating!"

Hello again

get on with your work you.

In your framework, what you say is 100% correct ..but what if the marriage

vow was different from the one you took and sanctioned a open relationship when the individual could meet others without prior knowledge or agreement.Such agreements are made for example in biker weddings,

We are just trying to get people in the situation you discribe to come in without fear of being blown away by preconceptions and to talk of why they personally are here in that situation.

The only way to do that is to not blanket condemn, rather take on there views and try to understand.

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

"I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again.

If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating.

If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating

If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating.

To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating.

Thats not swinging............

Its cheating!

How is it cheating, if both partners know about it? (not sugesting for a moment that all do)

Wiggles plays alone while enjoying her domination sessions, In no way shape or form could I ever see her doing so as cheating.. I allways know exactly when/where and what happens..

To hear someone claim that its all cheating unless your both doing involved, as a couple ,just realy does show what a non openminded group swingers realy can be..."

Please note.........

I said.........

"without their partners knowledge" (read my post again!)

I never said that BOTH had to be involved.

If a couple choses to play along, WITH their partners consent....that's their choice.

Many will still not meet them. There have been too many instances of lies and total dishonesty for ALL to trust that senario.

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again.

If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating.

If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating

If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating.

To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating.

Thats not swinging............

Its cheating!

How is it cheating, if both partners know about it? (not sugesting for a moment that all do)

Wiggles plays alone while enjoying her domination sessions, In no way shape or form could I ever see her doing so as cheating.. I allways know exactly when/where and what happens..

To hear someone claim that its all cheating unless your both doing involved, as a couple ,just realy does show what a non openminded group swingers realy can be...

Please note.........

I said.........

"without their partners knowledge" (read my post again!)

I never said that BOTH had to be involved.

If a couple choses to play along, WITH their partners consent....that's their choice.

Many will still not meet them. There have been too many instances of lies and total dishonesty for ALL to trust that senario. "

Was just typing a oops just noticed the "without partners knowledge" line soz.. but kept geting the Error page

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

"I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again.

If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating.

If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating

If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating.

To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating.

Thats not swinging............

Its cheating!

Hello again

get on with your work you.

In your framework, what you say is 100% correct ..but what if the marriage

We are just trying to get people in the situation you discribe to come in without fear of being blown away by preconceptions and to talk of why they personally are here in that situation.

The only way to do that is to not blanket condemn, rather take on there views and try to understand.

I am sure there are marriages like that. However, I and many people I know off can not understand that mentality. To have sexual contact without your partners knowledge is cheating..........

If bikers want to do it their way, surely they will do it with other bikers?

I may be wrong.......... usually am......but whats the point of being in a relationship if you can go off and shag what and who you want, when you want and bugger how the other person feels about it?

I used to swing with an Ex..... he could do what the blazes he liked as long as I was there, in the club/house etc. He shattered my trust by doing it behind my back, without my knowledge.

Thats why he's an ex and not the man I eventually married.

Oohhh, and in my very biased, blinkered book........ once a cheater, always a cheater.

Swinging is about trust, honesty and openness...... not about looking over your shoulder just in case some mad wife/hubby finds out and comes gunning for the 'other' party.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I agree.... the way threads with the bashing of marrieds normally ends up is them getting closed because they get that bad.....and why I think we don't have any answers off men or women who do play on their own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The reason they do it, male and female, is, because they can.

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating.

How is it cheating, if both partners know about it? (not sugesting for a moment that all do)

But wiggles, what maddie did say is "without their partners knowledge"

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again.

If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating.

If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating

If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating.

To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating.

Thats not swinging............

Its cheating!

Hello again

get on with your work you.

In your framework, what you say is 100% correct ..but what if the marriage

We are just trying to get people in the situation you discribe to come in without fear of being blown away by preconceptions and to talk of why they personally are here in that situation.

The only way to do that is to not blanket condemn, rather take on there views and try to understand.

I am sure there are marriages like that. However, I and many people I know off can not understand that mentality. To have sexual contact without your partners knowledge is cheating..........

If bikers want to do it their way, surely they will do it with other bikers?

I may be wrong.......... usually am......but whats the point of being in a relationship if you can go off and shag what and who you want, when you want and bugger how the other person feels about it?

I used to swing with an Ex..... he could do what the blazes he liked as long as I was there, in the club/house etc. He shattered my trust by doing it behind my back, without my knowledge.

Thats why he's an ex and not the man I eventually married.

Oohhh, and in my very biased, blinkered book........ once a cheater, always a cheater.

Swinging is about trust, honesty and openness...... not about looking over your shoulder just in case some mad wife/hubby finds out and comes gunning for the 'other' party.

ok a scenario for you ...a woman says

I love my husbad dearly and would give my life for him .Unfortunately because of a repressed upbringing he can not now meet my advanced sexual needs...I do not want to leave him because i love him,he can not change because of his sexual storyboard and early life experiences.

i do not want to hurt him ...i am very discreet and supportive and loving in every other way.

does she live in denial of her sexual beeds for the rest of her life or ....

meet her needs quietly and sensitively

and save there otherwise very very happy marriage.??

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

Hi OK so we got to the 'because they can' which is fair enough

What triggered this thread from us was another thread from a married 'single' guy asking if there really were any genuine swingers on this site.

So one main point of the question if you read it as we stated in the OP is....

Why do so many married/attached guys (in particular) swing as singles when it must be glaringly obvious surely even to them, that they would have far much more success (meets shags etc) if they swung with their partner!

It could be said the female counterparts possibly have more success as singles but thats surely for another topic lol

xxxxx

Julie & Rich

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating.

How is it cheating, if both partners know about it? (not sugesting for a moment that all do)

But wiggles, what maddie did say is "without their partners knowledge"

Got to stop posting on here with distractions in house, especialy as no darn edit feature :P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi OK so we got to the 'because they can' which is fair enough

What triggered this thread from us was another thread from a married 'single' guy asking if there really were any genuine swingers on this site.

So one main point of the question if you read it as we stated in the OP is....

It could be said the female counterparts possibly have more success as singles but thats surely for another topic lol

xxxxx

Julie & Rich"

So many reasons, and I guess all have variations of why.

Maybe their partner has no interest in swinging, maybe they would not like to see their partner with another, maybe they are Bi and their partner detests the idea of same sex liaisons, maybe they consider it an easy way to get laid with less hassles than an affair, maybe they are needy and want to feel wanted/sexy/attractive, maybe they like the thrill of cheating, or they are in a shite relationship they find hard to get out of, maybe they like to have sex with someone in front of that persons partner, or perhaps they simply get off on taking chances.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Hi OK so we got to the 'because they can' which is fair enough

What triggered this thread from us was another thread from a married 'single' guy asking if there really were any genuine swingers on this site.

So one main point of the question if you read it as we stated in the OP is....

It could be said the female counterparts possibly have more success as singles but thats surely for another topic lol

xxxxx

Julie & Rich"

You are assuming that their partners want to.

The amount of people who will tell you they wouldn't even dream of bringing up the subject of swinging as they don't even want sex with them.

That is another issue altogether, but I do think in some cases of the above, lack of communication is a major issue there.

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

maybe they are Bi and their partner detests the idea of same sex liaisons,

maybe they like the thrill of cheating, or perhaps they simply get off on taking chances.

Hey at last two other reasons not included in our A B & C at the start of the thread

Maybe the first one could be seen as a version of 'C' but the other is a damn good one!

xxxx

J&R

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

You are assuming that their partners want to.

The amount of people who will tell you they wouldn't even dream of bringing up the subject of swinging as their partners wives don't even want sex with them.

That is another issue altogether, but I do think in some cases of the above, lack of communication is a major issue there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I don’t think this question can be satisfactorily answered because everyone, including the morals they posses are different. What may be seen as a reasonable action by one maybe seen as abhorrent by another. We can debate these questions but will there be a concrete and definite conclusion at the end of it…no.

To begin with I do not condone anyone being unfaithful to their partner. I have been on the receiving end of this behaviour and it is perhaps one of the most painful experiences someone can go through; it’s betrayal and quite pathetic and if people want to jeapordise a loving relationship for a quick fuck then they deserve to lose everything. So in this respect I would love to see a forum thread ask why men AND women pretend to be single when their not and I do tire of all these types of questions being directed at men only.

Back to the question the op posted. I would suggest that the issue has already been answered within the original question and A,B,C and various unknown aspects contained in D are all viable reasons. If, as you say, men would likely get more sexual activity if they came as a couple then why would they choose to play as a single? I don’t know and as is obvious through this discussion no one else does ether! Mr X will have his own answer as to why he pretends to be single when he’s out ‘swinging’ while Mr Y will have an entirely different reason. Maybe it’s the chase, maybe they couldn’t give a damn about anyone but themselves and have little respect for their partner or maybe it’s because their partner doesn’t want to have sex with different people but they do it anyway. Maybe it’s the fact that they want to have sex with other people but they have seen that the vast majority on sites like this that stipulate they don’t meet with married/attached guys so they pretend to be single to bypass this. Though, I have noticed this not meeting attached singles principle on the whole seems to mostly fade away when it comes to meeting attached women.

"It could be said the female counterparts possibly have more success as singles but that’s surely for another topic lol"

I don’t think there’s need for another topic concerning this as yes, single females do have more success as a single. I’ve noticed even new women who join with nothing on their profiles or even a picture can have 30+ ‘friends’ within an hour of joining; any single guys had that much attention? No.

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

"I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again.

If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating.

If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating

If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating.

If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating.

To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating.

Thats not swinging............

Its cheating!

Hello again

get on with your work you.

In your framework, what you say is 100% correct ..but what if the marriage

We are just trying to get people in the situation you discribe to come in without fear of being blown away by preconceptions and to talk of why they personally are here in that situation.

The only way to do that is to not blanket condemn, rather take on there views and try to understand.

I am sure there are marriages like that. However, I and many people I know off can not understand that mentality. To have sexual contact without your partners knowledge is cheating..........

If bikers want to do it their way, surely they will do it with other bikers?

I may be wrong.......... usually am......but whats the point of being in a relationship if you can go off and shag what and who you want, when you want and bugger how the other person feels about it?

I used to swing with an Ex..... he could do what the blazes he liked as long as I was there, in the club/house etc. He shattered my trust by doing it behind my back, without my knowledge.

Thats why he's an ex and not the man I eventually married.

Oohhh, and in my very biased, blinkered book........ once a cheater, always a cheater.

Swinging is about trust, honesty and openness...... not about looking over your shoulder just in case some mad wife/hubby finds out and comes gunning for the 'other' party.

ok a scenario for you ...a woman says

i do not want to hurt him ...i am very discreet and supportive and loving in every other way.

does she live in denial of her sexual beeds for the rest of her life or ....

meet her needs quietly and sensitively

and save there otherwise very very happy marriage.??

It's not that happy if she has to go out looking for sex BEHIND her hubbies back.

Would be far better to have hubby in on it, have a regular fuck buddy kind of thing.

After all, if hubby is that repressed and he finds out she is shagging all and sundary.............One more marriage gone bang because of infidelity.

I personally and I say personally, don't give two hoots what anyone says. If you HAVE to cheat (and that's without partners permission)....... then your in the wrong relationship.

Either get it sorted, or ship out.

And I'll have no hooey about children, cus I'll throw any attempt to justify cheating for the sake children, into the water in 2 seconds flat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are we to take from this you don't agree with cheating Maddie? just to be clear, I think that's what you're saying, maybe I'm reading it wrong. :D :/

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not often i agree with Madchick but in this i'm 100% behind what she says!

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

What we meant is, whether single women has more success than if they were swinging as as couple.

xxxx

J&R

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

When my Ex cheated on me, it was 4 days after I moved in with him. I was 300 miles away from home and totally distraught.

FFS, decided to shag his bank manager, she knew I'd moved in.

So, for the sake of a quick fuck, him not being able to keep his dick in his pants and her not being able to keep her old, fat legs together, they (and I do mean THEY) destroyed a relationship, humiliated and nearly destroyed me, made my children unhappy, left my parents with one clinically depressed daughter and left my dearest and bestest friend to pick up the pieces.

I'm not saying that being cheated on is the worst thing in the world. It doesn't rate next to death, cancer, famine, torture etc........ but in your own little world, it is .......

The end of the world......

You lose all confidence, you lose trust in human nature, you lose trust in those around you. You end up depressed, not eating, barely sleeping and acting like a zombie.

Everyone around you suffers and the ache that runs through you is almost soul destroying.

I ended up a total wreck and a total idiot. My best friend saved me but she had to watch me going through hell and back all because some idiot (who was getting his cake and eating it) couldn't stay fooking faithful.

Cheaters, in my own personal opinion, are scum because at the end of the day, the desecration and hurt they cause doesn't just affect the partner they cheat on, it affects everyone around them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When my Ex cheated on me, it was 4 days after I moved in with him. I was 300 miles away from home and totally distraught.

FFS, decided to shag his bank manager, she knew I'd moved in.

I'm not saying that being cheated on is the worst thing in the world. It doesn't rate next to death, cancer, famine, torture etc........ but in your own little world, it is .......

The end of the world......

You lose all confidence, you lose trust in human nature, you lose trust in those around you. You end up depressed, not eating, barely sleeping and acting like a zombie.

Everyone around you suffers and the ache that runs through you is almost soul destroying.

Cheaters, in my own personal opinion, are scum because at the end of the day, the desecration and hurt they cause doesn't just affect the partner they cheat on, it affects everyone around them."

Hear hear - been through all this myself and it's spot on.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"When my Ex cheated on me, it was 4 days after I moved in with him. I was 300 miles away from home and totally distraught.

FFS, decided to shag his bank manager, she knew I'd moved in.

I'm not saying that being cheated on is the worst thing in the world. It doesn't rate next to death, cancer, famine, torture etc........ but in your own little world, it is .......

The end of the world......

You lose all confidence, you lose trust in human nature, you lose trust in those around you. You end up depressed, not eating, barely sleeping and acting like a zombie.

Everyone around you suffers and the ache that runs through you is almost soul destroying.

Cheaters, in my own personal opinion, are scum because at the end of the day, the desecration and hurt they cause doesn't just affect the partner they cheat on, it affects everyone around them.

Hear hear - been through all this myself and it's spot on. "

yeah it is spot on but how does it encourage people who do this to come on here and give us an insight into there thoughts,which was what the OP was trying to achieve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course it is hurtful, but it's down to how the individual responds to being cheated on, the cheater cheats, that's it, after that it's up to the one cheated how they respond with all due respect.

I was cheated, I crumbled much like you two, I was cheated again by a different partner, that time I responded very differently, walked out telling her I didn't deserve that and she didn't deserve me, she still cheats, is still unhappy, I on the other hand am rather very happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When my Ex cheated on me, it was 4 days after I moved in with him. I was 300 miles away from home and totally distraught.

FFS, decided to shag his bank manager, she knew I'd moved in.

I'm not saying that being cheated on is the worst thing in the world. It doesn't rate next to death, cancer, famine, torture etc........ but in your own little world, it is .......

The end of the world......

You lose all confidence, you lose trust in human nature, you lose trust in those around you. You end up depressed, not eating, barely sleeping and acting like a zombie.

Everyone around you suffers and the ache that runs through you is almost soul destroying.

Cheaters, in my own personal opinion, are scum because at the end of the day, the desecration and hurt they cause doesn't just affect the partner they cheat on, it affects everyone around them.

Hear hear - been through all this myself and it's spot on.

yeah it is spot on but how does it encourage people who do this to come on here and give us an insight into there thoughts,which was what the OP was trying to achieve."

That will never happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It will never happen as there simply is no justification for it, even the fictional bolleaux from earlier does not justify it.

If you are not getting what you want at home then man up and sort it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It will never happen as there simply is no justification for it, even the fictional bolleaux from earlier does not justify it.

If you are not getting what you want at home then man up and sort it!"

Of course, I agree, but, justification or not, there are reasons.

The more threads like this the more singles that aren't quite single will lie about it.

Right or Wrong, it would be good to hear some reasons why.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"It will never happen as there simply is no justification for it, even the fictional bolleaux from earlier does not justify it.

If you are not getting what you want at home then man up and sort it!

Of course, I agree, but, justification or not, there are reasons.

The more threads like this the more singles that aren't quite single will lie about it.

Right or Wrong, it would be good to hear some reasons why.

Exactly ..its about trying to create an environment where they can speak without the personalisation or lynch mob mentality ...but i think its blown now ...i mean would you ?

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

"When my Ex cheated on me, it was 4 days after I moved in with him. I was 300 miles away from home and totally distraught.

FFS, decided to shag his bank manager, she knew I'd moved in.

I'm not saying that being cheated on is the worst thing in the world. It doesn't rate next to death, cancer, famine, torture etc........ but in your own little world, it is .......

The end of the world......

You lose all confidence, you lose trust in human nature, you lose trust in those around you. You end up depressed, not eating, barely sleeping and acting like a zombie.

Everyone around you suffers and the ache that runs through you is almost soul destroying.

Cheaters, in my own personal opinion, are scum because at the end of the day, the desecration and hurt they cause doesn't just affect the partner they cheat on, it affects everyone around them.

Hear hear - been through all this myself and it's spot on.

yeah it is spot on but how does it encourage people who do this to come on here and give us an insight into there thoughts,which was what the OP was trying to achieve."

Give me one good reason why we should even take the time or trouble to listen to people who have nothing but disrespect, dishonesty and lies in their life?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

We don't have to agree with why anyone is playing away, but we could listen to their reasons why.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It will never happen as there simply is no justification for it, even the fictional bolleaux from earlier does not justify it.

If you are not getting what you want at home then man up and sort it!

Of course, I agree, but, justification or not, there are reasons.

The more threads like this the more singles that aren't quite single will lie about it.

Right or Wrong, it would be good to hear some reasons why.

Exactly ..its about trying to create an environment where they can speak without the personalisation or lynch mob mentality ...but i think its blown now ...i mean would you ?

Nope, I don't think I would, does that mean the 'lynch mob' have won? or do they believe they have?.

Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and they all stink, some more than others.

Everyone should be entitled to express their opinion, whether it right or wrong, instead we have the same few shouting the loudest on any thread that could be considered nearly controversial.

To those...

Give it a rest, let others speak out for crying out loud, stop assuming your opinion is the only one that matters, it isn't, and before you say it, neither is mine, that is why I want others to have the chance to express their thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When my Ex cheated on me, it was 4 days after I moved in with him. I was 300 miles away from home and totally distraught.

FFS, decided to shag his bank manager, she knew I'd moved in.

I'm not saying that being cheated on is the worst thing in the world. It doesn't rate next to death, cancer, famine, torture etc........ but in your own little world, it is .......

The end of the world......

You lose all confidence, you lose trust in human nature, you lose trust in those around you. You end up depressed, not eating, barely sleeping and acting like a zombie.

Everyone around you suffers and the ache that runs through you is almost soul destroying.

Cheaters, in my own personal opinion, are scum because at the end of the day, the desecration and hurt they cause doesn't just affect the partner they cheat on, it affects everyone around them.

Hear hear - been through all this myself and it's spot on.

yeah it is spot on but how does it encourage people who do this to come on here and give us an insight into there thoughts,which was what the OP was trying to achieve.

Give me one good reason why we should even take the time or trouble to listen to people who have nothing but disrespect, dishonesty and lies in their life?"

A learning curve for those that don't understand.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"It will never happen as there simply is no justification for it, even the fictional bolleaux from earlier does not justify it.

If you are not getting what you want at home then man up and sort it!

Of course, I agree, but, justification or not, there are reasons.

The more threads like this the more singles that aren't quite single will lie about it.

Right or Wrong, it would be good to hear some reasons why.

Exactly ..its about trying to create an environment where they can speak without the personalisation or lynch mob mentality ...but i think its blown now ...i mean would you ?

Nope, I don't think I would, does that mean the 'lynch mob' have won? or do they believe they have?.

Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and they all stink, some more than others.

Everyone should be entitled to express their opinion, whether it right or wrong, instead we have the same few shouting the loudest on any thread that could be considered nearly controversial.

To those...

There isnt anything wrong in having an opinion and airing it, we all have the right to do that.

But the poster is stating the obvious, if the none singles out there think they are going to be shouted down in answering the question the original poster asked, then they will stay away.

I know most don't want to hear the other side of the coin, but some of us would.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It will never happen as there simply is no justification for it, even the fictional bolleaux from earlier does not justify it.

If you are not getting what you want at home then man up and sort it!

Of course, I agree, but, justification or not, there are reasons.

The more threads like this the more singles that aren't quite single will lie about it.

Right or Wrong, it would be good to hear some reasons why.

Exactly ..its about trying to create an environment where they can speak without the personalisation or lynch mob mentality ...but i think its blown now ...i mean would you ?

Nope, I don't think I would, does that mean the 'lynch mob' have won? or do they believe they have?.

Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and they all stink, some more than others.

Everyone should be entitled to express their opinion, whether it right or wrong, instead we have the same few shouting the loudest on any thread that could be considered nearly controversial.

To those...

There isnt anything wrong in having an opinion and airing it, we all have the right to do that.

But the poster is stating the obvious, if the none singles out there think they are going to be shouted down in answering the question the original poster asked, then they will stay away.

I know most don't want to hear the other side of the coin, but some of us would."

I agree, I am open to others opinions, But, some have been aired a little too much, let's hear some others for a change. ;D

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I dont think that will happen , sadly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a quaint and touchy feely thought that is, folks are frightened to post on here because the big shouty person person is so scary

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont think that will happen , sadly."

Nor do I, the empty can rattles the most!!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"What a quaint and touchy feely thought that is, folks are frightened to post on here because the big shouty person person is so scary

Some people dont like confrontation.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

a golden chance gone ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my first marriage I played away because I had a high sex drive and I would be luck if I got it twice a month (no joke) so I did till her and she said ok go and play so I did and I told her when it happened and she did not like it and we ended in divorce. This happened over a period of 4 years before I found some one.

But how I have found a new wife and I would not play alone or go behind her back and play

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Alot of fellas nor indeed fems actually look at the consequences as such when messing about.. not emotional nor physical.. Its like another seperate world in their own minds, quite detatched from the one they share with a partner..

Thats not saying its right but at the time I doubt they are thinking of any damage caused.. Sad yes but true all the same eh... Most people will think of straying.. messing about at some time or other, those though who do so as a matter of course will always reap what they sow..

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Im old fashioned, if you loves someone that means in my book you respect them and are 100% honest with them. How can you love someone yet disrespect them enough to go behind there back.

Im part of a couple, as most people know i mainly play alone or sometimes partner a fuck buddy to go to a club. Some on here are also aware that i also play with my boyfriend and on occasions he plays without me. We have never had even a cross word about our swinging lifestyle, why? Because we are a perfect match, we are completely secure in our relationship. If i was a straight female who didnt like such a variety of sex then i wouldnt swing, but with me being bi, my boyfriend being bi, loving group sex and whatever sex i can get lol we cannot fulfill each others every need. We are so happy and i would never ever do one single thing behind his back, he is aware of everything as i am aware of everything he does. If you need to lie and cheat to someone i dont believe they can have a completly happy marriage and should not be together.

That is my little 2pence worthxx

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"It will never happen as there simply is no justification for it, even the fictional bolleaux from earlier does not justify it.

If you are not getting what you want at home then man up and sort it!"

That "fictional bolleaux" you pointed out is actually a situation someone i know related to me .After i was asked to act as an intermediary.

He did know, as he realised when the one area of stress between them magically disapeared. His reaction ...why would i want to lose the woman i love and jeopardise 16 years of blissfully happy marriage with lots more to come ,because of what? meeting desires with another she does not love.

Her deciept ? he realised she did it to protect him ,the issues were already out in the open ...he had suggested going elswhere...she did not tell him to spare the feelings of the man she loved.

Things are not always black and white

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is always black and white, it's cheating whichever way we all look at it, although the EXCUSES might not always be black and white.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"It is always black and white, it's cheating whichever way we all look at it, although the EXCUSES might not always be black and white."

They are still together 18 years now i reckon .still happy, a loving family unit.i cant say but i wonder if they would be together,If they had not reacted to the tension in there relationship as they did.

I know one women, who knows of her husbands infidelities and does nothing.

To her he is not a bastard ..he is a rogue ..and he is her rogue ...he comes home to her ,and she gets quite turned on at the thought he has been with another but he always returns.

Peoples sexual makup is totally different we all desire others, to apply a blanket rule which may not apply to them and chuck stones is unfair, it is between them.

The genuine open relationship where they are shot down for being different

under the suspicion that one party does not know.

How can human sexuality have moved so far in returning to our natural state via such things as swinging.Yet we apply a one size fits all rule to people we know very little about,and from what i see refuse to listen to .

Isnt that how it used to be with Black and Gay people?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

PD if you ask anyone who cheats if they think its wrong what do you think the answer would be.

If people want to cheat thats fine, they just dont have to involve people who have no wish to be involved, its bad enough risking a partners sexual health whilst having an affair with one person, but swinging with multiple partners adds greater risk, that the unaware partners has no choice or control over, after all theres no such thing as safe sex, we just don't think that cheating has its place in swinging as everyone involved should have a choice of the risks involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes, we know it's cheating, we have heard it over and over again like a stuck record, the point is, not everyone has the same opinion, it would be nice if others could speak up before they are shot down.

Let me add, I have been cheated on and cheated myself, I have no intentions of doing so again, as I am in a very different relationship to what I was when I cheated, like I said before, there may be no justification but there are reasons, and for once it would be nice to hear another side, not the same old same old.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"yes, we know it's cheating, we have heard it over and over again like a stuck record, the point is, not everyone has the same opinion, it would be nice if others could speak up before they are shot down.

I so agree its like ....ADULTERER ....burn the witch ...burn the witch ...

its old ...its tired ...and i want to hear something different apart from the herd mentality on the issue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How lucky... I don't smoke but happen to have just the one match lol....

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"PD if you ask anyone who cheats if they think its wrong what do you think the answer would be.

i agree if people want to do it its there decision as you say .And if you dont want them anywhere near you ....fine...your opinion...up to you ...

dont go near them ....

So you do not want to hear what people who have sex outside of marriage have to say ..because it might encourage them to have more sex and put there partner at even more risk ...generous of you well done !

So you think people who have affairs lose all scruples and self preservation

instincts....? I dont know ...

But i would love to find out, and the mob rhetoric isnt going to draw them out is it .

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"How lucky... I don't smoke but happen to have just the one match lol...."

pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"PD if you ask anyone who cheats if they think its wrong what do you think the answer would be.

i agree if people want to do it its there decision as you say .And if you dont want them anywhere near you ....fine...your opinion...up to you ...

dont go near them ....

So you think people who have affairs lose all scruples and self preservation

instincts....? I dont know ...

But i would love to find out, and the mob rhetoric isnt going to draw them out is it .

Just because people have the same opinions on a subject, it doesn’t equate to mob rule, that’s just being childish, and if people cant have the same opinion, without having that thrown in your face then you won’t have many posts on each topic, its like you said earlier, its old ...its tired ...and you want to hear something different, well that tells you that you won’t here anything different, or you’d have heard it before.

Step out of this one now before it gets personal, would be nice to hear people reasons but the OP covered most in the oppening post.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"PD if you ask anyone who cheats if they think its wrong what do you think the answer would be.

i agree if people want to do it its there decision as you say .And if you dont want them anywhere near you ....fine...your opinion...up to you ...

dont go near them ....

So you think people who have affairs lose all scruples and self preservation

instincts....? I dont know ...

But i would love to find out, and the mob rhetoric isnt going to draw them out is it .

Step out of this one now before it gets personal, would be nice to hear people reasons but the OP covered most in the oppening post."

yeah but all we have heard is from people who disagree and not the people doing it ..now ..do you think there is any chance they will, given some of the posts we have already had ...would you stick your head above the paprpet knowing half the army is aiming at it ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just wait till Kyle is on... it'll be safe then lol...

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"Just wait till Kyle is on... it'll be safe then lol..."

its the wrong thread notts ...lmao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nahh its not.. peeping above and getting a word in is the same in any lol...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"PD if you ask anyone who cheats if they think its wrong what do you think the answer would be.

i agree if people want to do it its there decision as you say .And if you dont want them anywhere near you ....fine...your opinion...up to you ...

dont go near them ....

So you think people who have affairs lose all scruples and self preservation

instincts....? I dont know ...

But i would love to find out, and the mob rhetoric isnt going to draw them out is it .

Step out of this one now before it gets personal, would be nice to hear people reasons but the OP covered most in the oppening post.

Someone has a few posts up, but it went ignored?

You seem wise PD so you’ll understand there’s something for everyone out there, the problems occur when people use deceit when they don’t have to, they just have to be honest, but its like everything in life some people get greedy and use deceit for there own gains.

What I’d personally like to know is why people playing away pretend to be single, is it to escape the wrath like you said, or is it to get more meets knowing some people wont meet anyone playing away.

Either way, the only problem we have with people playing away is when they lie to us about their status, there’s something for everyone out there and honesty is the way forward, how they treat their partner is their business.

Swinging is supposed to be fun, but lets all be honest here, every choice that people makes seems to get questioned by someone, nobody should need to give explanations for there choices or have their choices questioned, If people would just move on to profiles where all involved are looking for the same things this topic wouldn’t exist.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Swinging is supposed to be fun, but lets all be honest here, every choice that people makes seems to get questioned by someone, nobody should need to give explanations for there choices or have their choices questioned, If people would just move on to profiles where all involved are looking for the same things this topic wouldn’t exist. "

Well said that person !

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"PD if you ask anyone who cheats if they think its wrong what do you think the answer would be.

i agree if people want to do it its there decision as you say .And if you dont want them anywhere near you ....fine...your opinion...up to you ...

dont go near them ....

So you think people who have affairs lose all scruples and self preservation

instincts....? I dont know ...

But i would love to find out, and the mob rhetoric isnt going to draw them out is it .

Step out of this one now before it gets personal, would be nice to hear people reasons but the OP covered most in the oppening post.

Someone has a few posts up, but it went ignored?

i agree with you i have a few questions too ... my posts are purely designed to create a place where the only people who can answer them, can come without fear of that overwhelming disaproval we all feel. The conceptof deciet will always be there and i am sure really raw for a lot of people including me ..

But let people come in and have there say under a white flag i reckon ,so we can try to understand there side of it .

if there is one

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

I know one women, who knows of her husbands infidelities and does nothing.

To her he is not a bastard ..he is a rogue ..and he is her rogue ...he comes home to her ,and she gets quite turned on at the thought he has been with another but he always returns.

PD maybe you hold the key yourself, that is exactly the situation that we are trying to understand.

Now seeing as you know this lady if you can explain this couples situation better then you would go a long way towards answering our original question.

You see, we would say that this couple should, in our minds, be swingers! Even if only looking for 'cuckold' type fun.

That way the guy gets even more fun, she gets off on what he is doing, no one is playing with a supposedly single married guy (if they don't like that) and she may get to expand on her fantasy of her guy with another woman (may even fancy some of the same fun herself) and it's happy days for all.

So shouldn't they be swingers, these two, rather than the 'cheating' for want of a better word, situation as it stands now?

That's exactly what we are getting at.

xxxxx

Ju & Rich

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am happy to say I am one who plays alone with wifes permission, she does too for reasons I wont go into here.

Unfortunately she has no trouble meeting guys without even trying on fab but most shy away from me cos I wont lie and say I am single, I have varied my profile and put with wifes permission and also not, makes no difference, but our ad as a couple shows people generally single guys are married and they pull.

One lady wouldn't meet me even though my wife was on cam with me and I offered her phone number!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bummer eh..........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two2bonkwith started a similar Thread "Married Guys and Girls playing away, your thoughts if you would be prepared to share them with us" just before this one. Despite her requests the usual suspects basically destroyed what was potentially a very interesting Thread. So I am glad richNjudy managed to get this one off the ground.

Slightly off-Thread but relevant, I have to ask why some people still don't understand that it takes a bit of effort to come in a Forum and make a contribution so if you think you are going to be abused and shouted at then you won't bother. Why should you?

I can't add anything other than my personal views so here goes: Why people are swinging is entirely up to them. Ask 10 people and you'll probably get 15 different reasons but who are we to judge on their validity. I have to disagree that Swinging is only for couples (two2bonkwith) otherwise you'd never have any 3somes! Unless you played with married singles playing with wthout .etc etc . Which is where we came in! And I feel happy to call myself a Swinger even in my happy singledom. If you don't think I am then fine by me but don't dare judge me.

For what its worth I have two very dear and longtime friends that are currently married. Yes we meet and play and yes we meet and only have a natter. Cos we are mates. I know their circumstances and I respect their honesty with me. I also would never judgementalise thir position regarding their hubbys. "There but for the grace of god go we ..." I am not married (but have been) and have been happily single for over 12 years but I can still relate to their situations (each one is different). So I guess all I ask is that someone is honest with me so I know and we go from there.

Hope this helps the discussion.

Chris

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have to add that some people, and not a few either, in here cannot see that attacking one argument with another argument, or countering one view with another, is good debate and a pleasure to read in a Forum.

Attacking a person because of the argument they put forward or a view they hold is quite unacceptable and makes for poor reading and the Forum is therefore a poorer place.

As for Hijacking a Thread? I better not go there or it would be a Hijack itself!

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

It already is lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have met guys i know who are married, and ive probably on occasions met guys who are but i dont know .

How i see it , rightly or wrongly is , its their deceipt not mine and im only in the situation for a short time.

My concience is clear on all parts as im trusting those i play with to tell me the truth.

Once in the know i can then make my own mind up , continue or not ?

As a single fem in the scene and maybe having a little fun on a friday evening at a club, even chatting. The conversation of who is married and who is not , does not "often" get raised.

Im not saying this is right but when the hormones are rampant and the smell of raw sex is in the air.

Some will just go with the flow.

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By *lirty14uMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

" I have to ask why some people still don't understand that it takes a bit of effort to come in a Forum and make a contribution so if you think you are going to be abused and shouted at then you won't bother. Why should you?

It's popular over on FabMasochists...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met guys i know who are married, and ive probably on occasions met guys who are but i dont know .

How i see it , rightly or wrongly is , its their deceipt not mine and im only in the situation for a short time.

My concience is clear on all parts as im trusting those i play with to tell me the truth.

Once in the know i can then make my own mind up , continue or not ?

As a single fem in the scene and maybe having a little fun on a friday evening at a club, even chatting. The conversation of who is married and who is not , does not "often" get raised.

Im not saying this is right but when the hormones are rampant and the smell of raw sex is in the air.

Some will just go with the flow.

The rights and wrongs of your actions are for you and you alone to decide in our opinion.

What we always have problems with are those that seem very willing to judge others when it comes down to whether they are married or not, then throw their aggressive views into the wind and run off to swingers clubs?

Married males/females and married f/buddies are certainly present, and as you say - "when the hormones are rampant and the smell of raw sex is in the air" some people here seem to be able to completely disregard their usual 'rules' ?

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

But we don't wanna shout at married singles, we said at the start we had played with a few and no doubt will play with a few more.

We're not being judgemental just interested, but so far not one want's to explain their point of view, and why they swing as a single guy (hard work aparently) and not as a couple (much easier).

Now even PD who could hold the key lol has gone unusually quiet....

xxxxx

J&R

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope my comments were not seen as aimed at yourselves richNjudy. Far from it. You have opened an interesting Thread that deserves proper responses. As I said I am glad you managed to get this one off the ground!

It is a worthwhile wish that singles who 'play away' or whatever add their thoughts and views but sadly the people who pass judgemet and abuse without reason have made their mark on this Thread as they do on most Threads. If I WAS a married single playing away I would not venture anywhere near the Thread now. Sad but very true.

Mind well done NearlyNewbie. Its a pity she was not encouraged a bit more to add some thoughts.

Chris

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By *andjCouple
over a year ago

Reading

hi, we play as a cpl and as singles. we enjoy playing as a cpl, as singles it's as much fun if not more in may ways as you get to tell your partner what you did or what they did. and the sex you have when you get home is so intence. makes it worth while. but yes. both must be agreeable to it and not just a one way thing.

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By *harlie_n_DeeCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

" Married folk playing away will always migrate to sites like this because there are just enough folk like Polo, and I mean absolutely nothing derogatory here, who simply want to have fun and could not care about others private lives which makes it worth a shot. "

Oh we had a jolly good laugh at this. You really don't know polo at all do you yet feel qualified to make such a bold assumption. Yes we do know her very well and we can actually understand what she has posted. May be because we took the trouble to read it for what it says. We don't post much but we do come and have a good read from time to time and who was it who used single guys as dildos with a pulse? We are sure you checked none of them were married and put them off trying their playing away habits at swinging clubs.

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By *harlie_n_DeeCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

" If sites were full of sanctimonious old gits like me "

We'd give up the lifestyle altogether!

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By *teve_SoleilCouple
over a year ago

Malaysia

Singles playing away w/o pertners knowledge has many different reasons...it's a case by case basis...but those who do i think should inform the people they're playing so they know what situation they might end up in..:D...

Some possible reasons for singles not telling their other half:

- afraid the other half would think they are inadequate or not enough (some ppl refuse to listen, so talking it out doesn't really work all the time)..:D

- afraid of being considered sick or sex addict.

- protecting the innocence of the other half.

- afraid of the possibility to share the other half with other people.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"But we don't wanna shout at married singles, we said at the start we had played with a few and no doubt will play with a few more.

We're not being judgemental just interested, but so far not one want's to explain their point of view, and why they swing as a single guy (hard work aparently) and not as a couple (much easier).

Now even PD who could hold the key lol has gone unusually quiet....

xxxxx

J&R"

I am sorry for not responding ..i wanted to think about whether it felt right to discuss there curcumstances as they are friends of mine and wanted to ask them first ..she is ok with it .

The position with them is ...basically a historical one .They met when very young through a common interest .He is very much an Alpha male ,bodybuilder.woemn find him attractive and good looking even as he has got older . His ability to resist is low ,

and we used to go out regularly and i would witness his infedelity and it placed me in a bad position as i was close friends with both of them .

I stopped going out clubbing with him when he used me and a relative as cover ..and that was a step too far so i told him straight to clean his act up as his missus didnt deserve it.

Unfortunately he had been seen out on the town with a woman by a mutual freind who told her ..

She questioned me and i started to appologise in case she thought it was me being duplicious on his behalf ..but she said ...look dont worry ...i know what he is like and to be honest he cant help himself ..and i like him that way ...it makes me feel good that after all this time ...despite god know who he comes home to me and we are happy .

So in a way she saw his infidelity as a testament to his manliness and also to his love for her ..she also added with a glint in her eye and a smile if i was in his position i would do the same ....but there is nothnig known on that front . They are not swingers ..that i know ...he is totally unaware that she knows ...she has never confronted him but seems to have fun putting him in awkward situations and asking questions he would rather not answer ...which to me would be a living hell ....lol

anyway thats it really ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As one of those males playing without the knowledge of my wife, I will take the opportunity to explain why. Said wife of over 30 years has had no interest in sex for about 25 years now, following quite a nasty illness which still has repercussions today. As a result our marriage has been skewed into more of a father/'daughter relationship than husband/wife.

Despite many years of no sex and a very dependent partner I did not "ship out" as one poster suggested as the answer, I have stood by her in sickness. As she has no sexual feelings at all (we have had separate rooms for 10 years) I took the decision after a lot of thought to find some sexual outlet for myself. I choose couples as I do not want to risk getting involved with a single female. I don't want an affair, all I want is some sexual contact. I have a regular partner who plays alone with hubby's consent and the arrangement suits us all very well. I only ever play when wife is away on her own, and work very hard to keep this part of my life secret from her.

Thats why I do it. If anyone reading this classes me as a cheater or in any way disapproves of my actions, then they are most welcome to do so. Frankly if you disapprove of me, I couldn't give a damn. You live your life, I will live mine and I doubt that we will ever meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Thank you Goodfella for posting on this thread and giving your reasons which is what the OP wanted

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

Hi goodfella. Thanks for that and no recriminations from us either. What you do is your choice and evidently after a lot of soul searching on your part.

xxx

J&R

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

thanks for the post ...just one thing tho ...i hope she keeps getting medical advice as what was the case 25 years ago is not necessarily still so today and with the latest testosterone treatments for women ..libido can again be restored ...good luck to you both ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Def puts a different light on a hard subject..

On one hand you could say still a cheat.. On the other who;s business is it anyway?

A good point well made i'd say goodfella..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No judgmentals from me goodfella. Just a lot of respect for putting in a very well thought out post.

It is what the OP was after and the Thread deserved. Certainly head and shoulders above some of the inputs we have had in this Thread.

Well done you and thanks for your point of view.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am on here as a single female who plays with a partners consent and have noticed throughout the swinging world there are alot of double standards.

I have spoken to those who donot play with men who are attached but when it comes to a bi female it doesnt matter. why not?

I have tested this theory by actually telling people I am married playing away.

Is it because of the lack of single bi fems that people are willing to forget thier moral judgements?

I would play regardless of whether my partner agreed or not. He fulfills neither my bi sexual needs, nor does he relish my kinky side. The thought of me sticking my fist up his ass or inserting sounds into his cock does nothing for him, yet it does for me.

He is also allowed out to play, although he has not had the urge to. His choice.

Together we have a great marriage and great sex, however does this mean I should supress my sexuality if I dont have consent?

I personally wouldnt dream of asking someone their circumstances when it comes to swinging, nor would I be judgemental. Everyone has their reasons, and who am I to say whether they are right or wrong, just because they dont fit into my ideal.

Each to their own choices. Those who are doing what you consider wrong are the people who have to live with thier actions, not you, so why worry.

After all shallow as it may seem, I am only here to scratch a sexual itch. The only thing I am interested in, is what your in to and if it appeals, the rest is irrelevant.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"I am on here as a single female who plays with a partners consent and have noticed throughout the swinging world there are alot of double standards.

I have spoken to those who donot play with men who are attached but when it comes to a bi female it doesnt matter. why not?

I have tested this theory by actually telling people I am married playing away.

Is it because of the lack of single bi fems that people are willing to forget thier moral judgements?

He is also allowed out to play, although he has not had the urge to. His choice.

Together we have a great marriage and great sex, however does this mean I should supress my sexuality if I dont have consent?

Each to their own choices. Those who are doing what you consider wrong are the people who have to live with thier actions, not you, so why worry.

After all shallow as it may seem, I am only here to scratch a sexual itch. The only thing I am interested in, is what your in to and if it appeals, the rest is irrelevant."

some good points there ...maybe some people will chuck there morality in the cupboard when it suits,like how many go into any depth at a club ..they take people at face value and if they dont know, it doesnt seem to matter.But even tho the same can be said of people on here (we do not know there curcumstances) many people point the finger . Its strange .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pmpl yes really good post like .I had a couple contact myself not to long ago .I spoke to the female first all was alright ,Then bloke chatted away .Now it was his wife that was interested at first then chap said wife didn't like taking other cock hmmmm alright then .Both are bi however he said that he would still meet even though his wife didn't want to .

Later on the wife pm myself again why didn't you call to cancel .I replyed that your husband stated you didn't wish to anymore .Leaves you thinking are people straight with one another at all anymore ?,Not heard from them since and I wasn't taking flag for not calling to cancel when I didn't recieve any no .Suppose they both wished to but upon there own confusing sometimes wish would just simply state yes or no LOL anyway you all tgc x x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It could always be fact that single guys may pretend to be a couple to get more of an oppertunity to be with another couple .Though it must be frustrating for you couples that get hits in your inbox about this .Its case of do you or not meet I suppose .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ok!!! as a married man who cheats and has had 2 threads like this closed because people got abusive on them, i thought i should give my reasons

i'm on fabs to have a laugh and some fun i put on my profile 'm married so people know from the start, i have made some good friends on here but i'm addicted to the thrill of meeting someone new, the first kiss the first touch, the first time u fuck thats what i get a thrill out of, me and the mrs have sex 3 or 4 times a week and we have discussed swinging many many times, but she just doesn't want to try it, i asked for her permission to try on my own which she declined obviously , which made behave for 3 or 4 years, but i just couldn't live without it so i'm back meeting other people.

Not proud of myself and as someone mentioned it earlier u do look at like its not u and u r watching another u do the cheating

so basically i love the thrill and the chat i get from fabs

Smithy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my fella and me thru this site as singles then we got together we were both swingers b4 we met and had many meets as singles so we both were open about it and decided that we would play alone on the condtion we met or at least spoke to our respected meets whice to us seemed a good option

mrs hawkwind xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"man wasnt made to be monogamous,if its got a pulse we will,in all honesty,try anyway we can to shag it

...lets face it,if a married/attached bloke thinks he has a chance of a bit of nookie on the side he is going to take it"

At the risk of being called a liar, or just plain odd, that doesn't apply to all of us. I'm only on here because I'm not in a relationship right now, and figured I'd give it ago (all be it failing badly :D ). If I was in a relationship I would not, for want of a better way of putting it, be shagging around behind her back. I've never cheated on anyone, and never would.

Not being pious about it, but its just not in my nature to cheat on someone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"man wasnt made to be monogamous,if its got a pulse we will,in all honesty,try anyway we can to shag it

...lets face it,if a married/attached bloke thinks he has a chance of a bit of nookie on the side he is going to take it

Not being pious about it, but its just not in my nature to cheat on someone."

I totally agree with you.

Having your cake and eat it! springs to mind for attached males/females.

But then each to thier own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Biting the bullet and waiting for the backlash...

Am married, playing away without knowledge and/or permission and like so many others, i have my reasons. I am however up front about it, its on my profile and if anyone asks, i will tell them. As someone (smithy) already said, i have made some very good friends on here and for me, thats more important than how many shags i get.

A few people know my reasons for doing this and am happy to tell anybody who takes the time to ask, just not prepared to post in the forum for all and sundry to gawp at.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Biting the bullet and waiting for the backlash..."

Why would there be a backlash?

I personally wouldn't do it, but I can imagine situations where someone might. Besides, considering what this site is about, it would be a bit hypocritical to chastise you for going against convention.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Biting the bullet and waiting for the backlash...

Why would there be a backlash?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"dont wanna post anything just likethe thought ov being underneath ya !!! "

Don't need to post anything on here for that, just ask

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We did the "fuck buddy" thing a couple of years back and whilst it was bloody good fun on the way home we wondered how we would feel if either of us was out "fuck buddying"

We now will not meet anyone who is not part of an established relationship.

We do play with single guys in clubs but salve our conscience with the fact that they are supposed to be single and we never ask about attachment.

For us those that knowingly cheat or play with cheats are not swingers and the itch scratch excuse is very Jeremy Kyle.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"We did the "fuck buddy" thing a couple of years back and whilst it was bloody good fun on the way home we wondered how we would feel if either of us was out "fuck buddying"

We now will not meet anyone who is not part of an established relationship.

We do play with single guys in clubs but salve our conscience with the fact that they are supposed to be single and we never ask about attachment.

For us those that knowingly cheat or play with cheats are not swingers and the itch scratch excuse is very Jeremy Kyle."

thats a good point re singles in clubs as it can have a double meaning is it "a single as in not in a commited formal realtionship" or "single as in not part of a couple" .

What complicates it further is the fact that singles get together to get into clubs cheaper as couples then split up or perhaps swing as a fuck buddy couple both cheating.

It therfor makes it difficult to castigate people on here for Cheating if we turn a blind eye to it when it suits ...(i do not mean you as a couple ,just generally)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An interesting article on the rights and wrongs of married life.

One big missing thing is the availalbilty of opportunity given via the internet. Whilst many men, myself feel somewhat trapped in a dull marriage yet cannot leave for reasons, the internet and the opportunity it gives for NSA affairs/liasons whatever you call them has now meant that many more men can do it and get away with it.

Men have always been the same and would keep mistresses or take frustations out down the pub (sadly they're all closing) getting sloshed.

To conclude ~ Men have now more opportunity to meet and interact...so have women and the web has im sure liberated many a woman...I have tried to play my part in the process...lol

Q: How did swingers, swing before the internet?

Mr K

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your question of how did swingers swing before the internet

Word of mouth and key party invites lol

I know i was swinging long before the internet

As for reasons not to leave a marriage

I have been married twice and there is absolutley no reason in the world (in my opinion)why i should persue something i find a chore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its just a shame that most married men don't mention they're married on their profiles

Each to their own and all that....

Have to add though that not ALL men are the same like some people are suggesting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well like i said i have it on my profile so one gets involved with me without knowing i'm married and i always question people before i meet them to check they have read the profile

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By *olymanMan
over a year ago

south london

WOW what a thread....

First of all, I believe the original Q was "why do you supposedly single but actually attached/married guys do it?"... well as we've heard the reasons are probably as many as those doing it... but I think that part of the issue with the early part of the thread is the fact that the OP attempts to answer it's own question (A,B & C). The OP itself implies the anwser "because they're cheats" and perhaps pre-empts any genuine answers.

After all anyone being deceptive is already going to feel judged and perhaps if you are being deceptive (to other site users) you aren't going to respond to the Q at all.

There have been a few responses from those who are open about their deception of their partners and they should be applauded for their openness and honesty to this community.. It is a shame for them that they find themselves to be in situations where they feel the need to decieve those they clearly love.

I am one of those users who chooses to play as single, while being attached, my profile clearly states this... However in my case I am Polyamorous, and the basis of my two committed relationships is one of an open sexual arrangement... However in one of those relationships (some 16 years duration) my partner chooses to be sexually monogamous with me despite her freedom to choose otherwise. In the other (4 1/2 years duration), my partner has a long distance relationship which consists of cybersex and occasional meets when her other partner visits this country.

She meets him alone with my consent and on a couple of occasions we've been in a 3, and a 4 with another of his "buddies". He himself is married and plays without his wife's knowledge (officially, though my suspicion is that she turns a blind eye). In his case this arose from his wife's loss of libido following a fatal (not to her, obviously) car accident many years ago.

With this second partner I have also attended (and intend to again) a rather excellent swingers club in Rotterdam. However because of her occupation, she chooses not to be involved with the scene in this country.

Along with my 2 commited relationships I have several NSA partners all of whom are aware of my polyamorous status, they are all very busy people and liasons with them are very occasional.

Each of my sexual relationships is unique, and there is a great deal of love and understanding involved (even in the more casual ones).

My own personal need for variety, due to my very wide range of of sexual appetites is for me the reason why i decided to join FAB, believing that here I could more easily find the type of partners that I seek. In general I have no difficulty in finding partners even in the street, and while some of my longer term casual relationships have come about this way, I got the idea that I can find partners with particular sexual interests more easily on a website (though I'm begining to question this... lol).

The point of all this... well I hope it helps to illustrate that we are all varied and all have our reasons for the choices we make in life, even the more questionable ones.

And finally that we should "Judge not lest we be judged ourselves" so to speak...

And NO I'm not at all religious....

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