FabSwingers.com forum: Asking for an explanation..

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think it's polite to reply to decent messages, especially if the guy fits the description of what I'm looking for. But, if I'm not attracted to you, I decline, politely. Most guys appreciate that, which is nice. But there are the few who want to know why? What could I possibly say? That wouldn't be rude/mean...

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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago

South London

I know what you mean. I would never tell someone I don't want to meet them because I just don't find them attractive. That's just rude an unnecessary and horrible. What I have normally said is they are are just not what I'm looking for. It's worked so far for me.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

if you are nice enough to reply, they should respect that...if they come back for justifications, block

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I would not respond past the first reply. No means no.

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

Declining politely is how I always reply just a shame some guys dont like it from the offensive replies I often receive back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel it is polite to give a reason, that may help the person, in future attempts, a bit like failing a job inter_iew, feedback is always useful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think this is why genuine guy never get a look in cause some r so rude bk if someone say no to me I accept it what's the point in getting upset

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I know what you mean. I would never tell someone I don't want to meet them because I just don't find them attractive. That's just rude an unnecessary and horrible. What I have normally said is they are are just not what I'm looking for. It's worked so far for me."

tried that..but some have argued with me that they fit my criteria... and list it!! Not my type- sometimes leads to whys? too.. But I agree, I find it hard to tell someone I don't find them attractive. My ego would be bruised if someone worded it like that to me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel it is polite to give a reason, that may help the person, in future attempts, a bit like failing a job inter_iew, feedback is always useful."

What if the only thing that's wrong is that...you just aren't attracted to his/their face? Don't think anybody wants that feedback. Well...except for the masochists.

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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago

South London

"I feel it is polite to give a reason, that may help the person, in future attempts, a bit like failing a job inter_iew, feedback is always useful.

What if the only thing that's wrong is that...you just aren't attracted to his/their face? Don't think anybody wants that feedback. Well...except for the masochists.

It's like people think that just because they may tick the boxes of criteria, that we then must automatically find them physically attractive also? I don't find everyone attractive just like I understand not everyone will find me attractive. It's just not necessary to say it out loud. I think some people must be masochists! HA!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I respond to every message I get because I feel it's rude not to.

If they then come and ask why I have said no, I delete it.

If I am polite enough to respond initially I expect them to be polite enough to accept it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I respond to every message I get because I feel it's rude not to.

If they then come and ask why I have said no, I delete it.

If I am polite enough to respond initially I expect them to be polite enough to accept it."

think I'm going to do that, instead of agonising over what to say..

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

no need to respond to why ... if i get declined ... thats that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's polite to reply to decent messages, especially if the guy fits the description of what I'm looking for. But, if I'm not attracted to you, I decline, politely. Most guys appreciate that, which is nice. But there are the few who want to know why? What could I possibly say? That wouldn't be rude/mean..."

at least you have the decency to reply , a lot of women dont if im honest , but they do get bombarded with mail , and as for they guys that you politely say no to , why cant they accept it and politely move on without a come back mail ? I sent a polite email to a member on here, and they sent a nice reply, but I had to reply saying thankyou but no thanks , then you get a one line sarcastic comment back . No fooking neeeeed !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I respond to every message I get because I feel it's rude not to.

If they then come and ask why I have said no, I delete it.

If I am polite enough to respond initially I expect them to be polite enough to accept it "

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By *nto_wateverMan
over a year ago

Bournemouth poole

Really don't see why people don't reply. Even to say thanks but no thanks. It's not like sending messages costs anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think everyone knows a read message with no reply means no thankyou.

Whilst very kind it maybe to reply, its obvious when you don't hear back and allows you to move on. In fact I write that I understand no reply means no thanks.

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By *ipper DeVineTV/TS
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I got over the problem by putting this message at the top of my profile 8) xxx

"I do not reply to all messages sorry . I will reply if I am interested but if I don't, its not because I am being ignorant - its because you are not for me."

try it xxx

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By *antoplay1976Couple
over a year ago

Chico

"I would not respond past the first reply. No means no."

you don't have to give a reason. No thank you us acceptable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got over the problem by putting this message at the top of my profile 8) xxx

"I do not reply to all messages sorry . I will reply if I am interested but if I don't, its not because I am being ignorant - its because you are not for me."

try it xxx"

Please look up the definition of "ignorant"

It means lacking in knowledge - how does that help when it comes to not liking someone?

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By *taffsfella1Man
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

Just block after you've sent the polite decline. Problem solved

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

My kind advice is...tell them they are not what you're looking for and also tell them you are blocking them (because they will forget and come back to harrass you as well as potentially deamd to know why), then make a note in their profile and BLOCK...and move on!

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By *ercedes62Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

"if you are nice enough to reply, they should respect that...if they come back for justifications, block"

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By *llie RoseWoman
over a year ago

By the seaside

[Removed by poster at 29/08/13 22:14:32]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I fit the OP's criteria and I havent even read her profile!

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

"I fit the OP's criteria and I havent even read her profile!

That is a sin....a serious sin mister!

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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago

South London

"I fit the OP's criteria and I havent even read her profile!

As in, you're a man?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fit the OP's criteria and I havent even read her profile!

That is a sin....a serious sin mister!

sin is my middle name

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fit the OP's criteria and I havent even read her profile!

As in, you're a man?

I dunno..the avatar pic just said "I want U"...who am I to argue with that????

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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago

South London

"I fit the OP's criteria and I havent even read her profile!

As in, you're a man?

I dunno..the avatar pic just said "I want U"...who am I to argue with that????"

Well, if the pic speaks to you...

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

"I fit the OP's criteria and I havent even read her profile!

That is a sin....a serious sin mister!

sin is my middle name

I dare not ask what your first and last are.....or dare I

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just can't understand why people have to have a reason...

If people reply 'sorry your not my type' that should suffice...

Even a no reply tells you the receiver is not interested...

It's not rocket science... Grrrrr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if you are nice enough to reply, they should respect that...if they come back for justifications, block"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/08/13 22:42:43]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I received a message today from somebody new stating that I didn't half write a load of shite. I take it he referred to my profile. I didn't reply. Am I being rude? ;-P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also some profiles do get inundated with messages which can influence the receiver to just hit the delete button just to the high quantity....

It's understandable!!

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By *lackCherryCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"In my humble opinion, there are people asking for the world on there profiles, then there are those who don't say much, yet you can not reply unless you can string a sentence together.. if you get anything back from them it's usually between 1 & 4 words...how's that work!!!! You reply and fit a description, you make light of something on the profile even, then you maybe compliment on a picture or two... And always end with a hope to or take care and in return you get deleted.. manners is what is missing these days, sometimes it's just nice to talk.... Maybe we don't want to jump into bed with said people but they seem interesting maybe...

Too many books are judged by there cover on this site, good job were not in a swimming pool, we'd not have a deep end just a shallow one...."

We always respond to those who follow the profile show they have read it and include a face picture.

However, we are not here to make "friends" primarily we are here to swing with people we are attracted too.

We are in a loving relationship have been together for 10 years and we choose people we are 100% attracted too or whats the point ? we can stay home and have fun with each other we dont owe shags/friendship to people on this site because they read a profile and made a funny comment !

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By *lackCherryCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"Also some profiles do get inundated with messages which can influence the receiver to just hit the delete button just to the high quantity....

It's understandable!!"

Depending on what we are doing it can be anywhere from 10-20+ a day, when 50-70% of those havent even read the profile and often the messages are just a dump of their profile or a "HI HUN HOWZ U??" or a "IM IN THE AREA WANNA MEET??"( at like 3am). Its quite easy to get frustrated.

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

I sit in both camps , accepting that no means no and that should be the end of the matter , however perfectly understand why any normal rational person would want to know the exact reason why . Not my type , now that's cool however what types are there and what type am I being labeled as ? is the reason something I can change or may wish to change or is it just my ears are too big or hair too blond

Now most ladies are inundated with mail and understandably just have no time to help the poor males yet their why questioning though annoying and they should understand this , is perfectly rational and a legitimate thought

I agree with the sorry i don't find you attractive and block approach

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I respond to every message I get because I feel it's rude not to.

If they then come and ask why I have said no, I delete it.

If I am polite enough to respond initially I expect them to be polite enough to accept it."

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By *eddonistikMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Yes you fit someone's profile, doesn't mean they'll fancy you. If people are polite enough to reply to you, accept it. Don't ask them to give you reasons, you may not like the reply of 'you're a bit of a minger'. Someone may not be attracted to you but someone else may well find you attractive. This site and similar are not for the thin skinned, if you don't like it move on.

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By *taffsfella1Man
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

"I received a message today from somebody new stating that I didn't half write a load of shite. I take it he referred to my profile. I didn't reply. Am I being rude? ;-P"

You so should have ripped his profile to shreds in your reply and then blocked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is no need to justify the reason for refusal.

People do often say 'I match your criteria'. So what, that doesn't mean it's compulsory to have sex. I meet all the criteria for masses of jobs, doesn't mean to say I can just walk in and ask when my start date is.

They are just merely trying to keep a conversation going in the hope it will brow best you into meeting them.

I can't be arsed with men like that, their neediness and insecurity irritates me. If you answered with a reason why, ie there's no attraction, they would further go on to message stating that attraction cannot be sought from a photograph, it would be different in person.

These kind of people are selfish and have no interest in listening and accepting what they are being told.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is no need to justify the reason for refusal.

They are just merely trying to keep a conversation going in the hope it will brow best you into meeting them.

These kind of people are selfish and have no interest in listening and accepting what they are being told. "

This

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

It's irritating when you come out with a sound, but polite reason for not meeting someone, ie, they live that far away to almost be in another time zone and then they try to argue that your reason isn't valid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Has anyone done a survey into everyone who says they'll reply to check their sincerity? I will now e-mail everyone on site to verify their claim

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I received a message today from somebody new stating that I didn't half write a load of shite. I take it he referred to my profile. I didn't reply. Am I being rude? ;-P"

maybe they had a point

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By *aughtywifeandhimCouple
over a year ago

bedford

Just reply once .you don't have to give reasons .if we said yes to all replys we would not leave the bedroom .think that is why wife prefers the club now if we feel horny. We just go and meet either couple .guy . Fem what ever gets us going on the night

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"I feel it is polite to give a reason, that may help the person, in future attempts, a bit like failing a job inter_iew, feedback is always useful."

If you don't find them attractive how useful is it going to be for them? They can hardly change how they look.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is why a lot of people on here us included just don't reply anymore and use filters. Again one persons nice polite message is another's shit message. The asking for reasons after been told no is tiresome as it wastes your time and theirs. Just block and move to the next

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I write the way I feel. If it is a load of bollox to some, so be it. I sometimes read others' profiles and don't find them very appealing. Why would I write them to mention that? It's unnecessary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't say anything. They should know by now that there's no rhyme nor reason to a woman's thinking.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" I think everyone knows a read message with no reply means no thankyou.

Whilst very kind it maybe to reply, its obvious when you don't hear back and allows you to move on. In fact I write that I understand no reply means no thanks. "

block or delete is a no, for me. If I have kept the message it means either I didn't have time to respond the way I wanted to...'cause maybe I have questions...it means a maybe

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's irritating when you come out with a sound, but polite reason for not meeting someone, ie, they live that far away to almost be in another time zone and then they try to argue that your reason isn't valid. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel it is polite to give a reason, that may help the person, in future attempts, a bit like failing a job inter_iew, feedback is always useful.

What if the only thing that's wrong is that...you just aren't attracted to his/their face?"

Its disappointing when someone doesn't like your face but really you can't pressure them, after all supposing you do have sex you're gonna be looking at (and hopefully kissing it) a lot so good facial attraction is paramount.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A "thanks but no thanks" should be enough!!! why do you need to have to LIE to someone..stick to your guns....itsyour choice..another reason we dont do single guys....!!!! There must be loads out there that are decent and honest..BUT in our experience too many are pushy and waste a lot of time....xxx

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By *estless in batterseaMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

It probably is rude not to but i think that on here people get the hint and move on, so I would usually not respond if not interested.

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By *EXY50ishWoman
over a year ago

Anywhere and nowhere

If they're reading this thread you probsbly wont need to reply, they'll be sble to read that you dont find them attractive - problem solved.

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By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

Well badgering someone when they've declined is pretty rude so "I don't shag mingers" seems justified

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By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford

as much as i like wotsits crisps your teeth look like a row of them that may work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I respond to every message I get because I feel it's rude not to.

If they then come and ask why I have said no, I delete it.

If I am polite enough to respond initially I expect them to be polite enough to accept it."

I agree replying is only polite but, when I get a message like this morning which simply says, can I buy your Cum filled knickers, I don't feel very keen to reply!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Really don't see why people don't reply. Even to say thanks but no thanks. It's not like sending messages costs anything "

Simple- single girls get so many replies. On my single girl profile if I can get my in box to under 150 it's a good day. I physically can't reply to all those messages. I have a life outside fab! I'm not being rude or arrogent. Im just not superwoman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just thank them for the message but say a polite no thank you. Only had a couple ask why, I just say that sorry but it wouldn't work, mostly it's been the distance sometimes other reasons. I've sent messages to guys not had a reply back at all but I just move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Really don't see why people don't reply. Even to say thanks but no thanks. It's not like sending messages costs anything

I am Wonder Woman but still don't get time to reply to all my messages

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By *ordonBennettMan
over a year ago

dover

"Really don't see why people don't reply. Even to say thanks but no thanks. It's not like sending messages costs anything

This really sums up the two different and opposing messaging experiences on Fab, and should be quoted each time we see a "why don't I get a reply?" thread on the Forum one which occurs every other day it seems.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Replies are extremely rare let's face it ladies, almost every message I send out is with 100% respect for you and your profiles but sometimes it takes an offer of something different to make you maybe want to try new things, sex is about exploring I think. I'm a filthy minded hubby with an equally filthy minded wife a reply of even FUCK YOU is kool I'm a man now I can take it!lmao.

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