FabSwingers.com forum: clubs and not knowing if fem is bi

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We've been to la chambre loads of times had plenty of soft swing encounters but we both want to play with a woman I know in the rooms its pretty much full on but wouldn't like to overstep the mark and presume the other lady is bi how to approach and play any advice please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've found that we tend to just ask...? But I find it hard too.. I get really neRvous about making first moves.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes I know what you mean sometimes it can be obvious other times not guess I am gonna have to ask and blush if I get it wrong lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Simples...go to LC's bi night!

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

I would ask her about her first experience with another woman.

You will then find out

A - if she has played with other women.

B - by her reaction if she is still up for playing with women.

C - most importantly it's an opener leading on to you seeing if she would like to play with you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get asked all the time at clubs and I politely decline but I'm never ever offended that someone posed the question xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't really imagine asking! And even if they yes they are that wouldn't mean they'd necessarily want to.

Just go with the flow and see where it goes. If somebody doesn't want to play it's usually obvious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We've been to la chambre loads of times had plenty of soft swing encounters but we both want to play with a woman I know in the rooms its pretty much full on but wouldn't like to overstep the mark and presume the other lady is bi how to approach and play any advice please"

I go to La Chambre, and I'm not bi. I've had several approaches, which have been: "would you like to play with us", from me: "no thanks, I'm not bi".

The straightforward question is DEFINITELY the approach to take. I would be mortified if a woman 'came on to me' physically, as I would then have to ask her to stop. (I'm happy to say 'stop touching me without asking' to a man, though

)

However, I do usually manage to subtly put out the 'not bi' signals, so that I rarely get asked to play with couples. Do you have any reason to believe the lady you're attracted to actually IS bi? If she's not giving out any bi signals, then she's probably not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would you be mortified? I can't understand the difference between telling a woman or a man that you don't want to play with them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't want to hurt the feelings of either men or women in the swinging scene.

However, I have much more affinity with women (since I am one!) and I find that men are far more likely to make unwelcome advances. I have therefore developed a 'thick skin' when turning down men's advances.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just ask i do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think they'd cope, it's part of the deal afterall.

Also if somebody were to ask me 'Am I Bi?'

'Yes, but I don't fancy you'

That's hardly any less likely to upset!

I understand that you'd want to avoid approaches, but still seems that's the same whatever the sex. Just about signals and attraction etc.

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By *anSusieCouple
over a year ago

Midlothian

i usually ask:" Do you like woman?" if we been chatting in a social area it's easy to see if the reply is likely to be:"mmmm yes i do."because we would have been already flirting

If in an open room group situation:we watch the play before we join in + know which fems play with other fems.

Mind i still always ask"can i touch you" even tho more often than not i get asked 1st lol....must be my Bi-vibes.

I do think thats it's nicer for bi-curious/inexperienced fems to explore their bi-side in a more intimate private setting without disruptions of others wanting to join in.

(susie)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly my point. Regardless of gender, just ASK: "would you like to play?". A polite "thanks, but no thanks" should never offend.

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By *andWCouple
over a year ago

Pontypridd

As a woman I would always ask before I touched, because regardless if she is bi or not she might not like me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a club, ask. Outside you need to be more subtle. Worst ones are those who say yes when they clearly are not when you start playing but are putting on a show for the partner or something, not good

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"In a club, ask. Outside you need to be more subtle. Worst ones are those who say yes when they clearly are not when you start playing but are putting on a show for the partner or something, not good

Definitely this one...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd find it a massive turn off having somebody approach so explicitly. I prefer some conversation rather than an opening 'would you potentially fuck me'. I know that's the general idea at a club but it would switch me straight off somebody.

In the heat of things I can't imagine pausing to respond to an enquiry about my sexuality. If I don't want somebody touching me they soon know - men and women.

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By *roovytwoCouple
over a year ago

burnley

In a club then ask if you have been chatting before you play...if in a couples room and others in there then sometimes a laying a gentle hand on another ladys leg/thigh (non genital place) will give you the answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"sometimes a laying a gentle hand on another ladys leg/thigh (non genital place) will give you the answer.

Yes! And usually even before that you should get some indication of whether you're welcome or not. If they avoid eye contact and turn away it's likely a no.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We went to a club years ago that made bi women wear a coloured bracelet that they gave you before entering the club. I must say I didn't like that. In any case just because I am bi doesn't mean I play with any fem, so answering yes I'm bi is not giving the green light for women to touch me at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"sometimes a laying a gentle hand on another ladys leg/thigh (non genital place) will give you the answer.

Yes! And usually even before that you should get some indication of whether you're welcome or not. If they avoid eye contact and turn away it's likely a no."

^ this

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