FabSwingers.com forum: Experienced swingers

By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Do you think us swingers that have been around a little have a kind of "duty" to the newbies, to give them advice even if its not asked for, especially on the forums and profile advice. Do you wish you had had someone to show you the ropes when you started out or do you think trial and error is the best way to learn. I do like giving advice but dont want to appear patronizing as we can all still learn somethingxxkaren

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I think its nice to help out newbis and make them feel welcome

Its really hard joining a new site, making that first post and hoping that you don't get ignored when you want to fit in and make friends

It was'nt that long ago I was making my first post on here and I was really hoping for a good reception which luckily I got because the majority of people on here are really welcoming xxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well i dont mind advice but kinda liked the seeing what happens stuff, i could write a book honestly!!!! but its nice when genuine peeps like urselves offer advice xxxx mwahxxxxx

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By *eviousLiasonsCouple
over a year ago

Travelling

We dont see it as a duty.... but speak to the new people that we have met over the years, and we hope that they will say we have been very very helpful. We had the great fortune to meet a wonderful couple soon after we started swinging, and still remember the amazing way they put us at our ease, introduced us to the "in crowd" and listened to us when we asked questions. We would dearly love to think that we are at least a little like them......

Thankyou very very much Pat & Mandy

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think as a newish couple ourselfs its good to get advice and hear other peoples encounters

although we have been on the site since september we have only just really starting looking at the forums and are glad we have found them as we know now what a social is for example lol as well as other things we were unsure about ....vanilla's ...think we know what that means now thanks to another thread

so if anyone has any further advice for

us please feel free

gem & ronnie

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"i think as a newish couple ourselfs its good to get advice and hear other peoples encounters

so if anyone has any further advice for

us please feel free

gem & ronnie

xx "

Hav'nt you though up a new name yet?

Ive been waiting to see what you choose lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no we havent yet ...we also use the chatrooms alot aswell as the forums and alot of people on chat know us as "first"

we want to though but cant think of a suitable name lol

mind u we have had a few dodgey suggestions lol

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Do you think us swingers that have been around a little have a kind of "duty" to the newbies, to give them advice even if its not asked for, especially on the forums and profile advice. Do you wish you had had someone to show you the ropes when you started out or do you think trial and error is the best way to learn. I do like giving advice but dont want to appear patronizing as we can all still learn somethingxxkaren"

yes and no..... I'll explain where I come for...

you can only help people to help themselves so much.... I have given people advice in the past and it has gone in one ear and out the other, so you do think "well why bother?"

I think for me it now has a lot to do with the attitude of the poster...

if I see someone who I think has made some sort of effort, then yes I will try and help.... if I see one line and a cock shot or an attitude in the profile that I don't like then no

you can only help people so much, but there is a difference between pointing people in the right direction and giving people what they feel they are entitled to........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes and no..... I'll explain where I come for...

you can only help people to help themselves so much.... I have given people advice in the past and it has gone in one ear and out the other, so you do think "well why bother?"

I think for me it now has a lot to do with the attitude of the poster...

if I see someone who I think has made some sort of effort, then yes I will try and help.... if I see one line and a cock shot or an attitude in the profile that I don't like then no

you can only help people so much, but there is a difference between pointing people in the right direction and giving people what they feel they are entitled to........ "

but u cant be judgemental like that maybe a pointer to help em with their profile etc... may help em, everyone has to start somewhere surely? x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't say that anyone had a 'duty' to do or say anything really

However it is nice to be able to offer advice to people who are new to the scene, should it be required and if they appear to be doing something which is maybe not as acceptable as it could be then I don't see any reason why a little bit of friendly advice cannot be given without causing any hard feeling. (Except in the trouser dept, we don't mind a bit of hard feelin in there)

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

but u cant be judgemental like that maybe a pointer to help em with their profile etc... may help em, everyone has to start somewhere surely? x"

sure, maybe I am old school.... no one helped me and I did a lot of research and reading before I even thought about dipping my toes in the waters, heck maybe if more people did that then we wouldn't be having this sort of conversation.....

but alot of it is just common sense and decency, it's the finer bits you can help people with. for example......

"you get out what you put in"... if someone effort is one line, what does that tell you?

"treat people the way you'd like to be treated" people who shout in profiles, are demeaning to certain types of people in them, ect ect....

"you only get one chance to make a great first impression".... if the people says "oh woe is me" or screams "i'm desperate and I don't care who I shag" then like I said, there is only so much you can do.......

like I said, I'll help people who I think have made an effort... does that make me judgemental, too right....but no more judgemental than for example when people decide with whom they decide to play with or not

I don't think anyone has owed me at all in making my way in the swinging scene..I have done a lot of groundwork and has made me appriate what I have..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the sort of advise being offered. A lot of it is common sense and common decency. We aren't so different to any othe community. If someone hasn't got manners, doesn't respect people, is being told they should really going to change that? To me it's common sense to have a look around and get a feel (no pun intended!) and ask about things you are unsure about. If someone comes barging in thinking they know it all, are they going to be receptive to advise anyway. A perfect example being the self pitying single male who posts a whinging post after being on the site a mater of days because he hasn't got laid. Are those people really receptive to advise. So much of Swinging is about attitude and you either have it or you don't. If you have to ask then you'll never understand. Particularly when the answer is probably on this forum a dozen times.

If somebody is looking for more speccific advise, maybe nervous about their first munch or social, or as a point in case the "what to wear thread" - then that's different. I think thse sort of threads are more about re-assurance than advise.

But to me, sp[eaking generally, if somebody wants advise they'll seek it out.

Another issue is ask 10 people on here and ask them to say what swinging is to them and you'll get 10 different answers. To some people the best way to meet is at a club, to others at a social, or via the profiles, or the chatrooms, or the forum. Non of which are wrong but all of which could be the wrong one for you. So much of it is about finding what is right for you, how can you give that advise??

That said, there is a tendancy from a handful of posters on here to shoot newbies down, like it is almost a sport. They do themselves no favours, but worst do the scene no favours either, making it look like an elitest closed shop. There are a couple of very, very nasty posters on this forum who see a genuine request for help as an opportunity to mock or even bully and that's not nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes and no..... I'll explain where I come for...

you can only help people to help themselves so much.... I have given people advice in the past and it has gone in one ear and out the other, so you do think "well why bother?"

I think for me it now has a lot to do with the attitude of the poster...

if I see someone who I think has made some sort of effort, then yes I will try and help.... if I see one line and a cock shot or an attitude in the profile that I don't like then no

you can only help people so much, but there is a difference between pointing people in the right direction and giving people what they feel they are entitled to........ "

What Fab said... Thumbs up!

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