FabSwingers.com forum: Coming out

By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

This is kinda meant as as follow on to the recent 'face pics' thread - but to save hijacking that one we started another.

What we would like to discuss is how vanilla's react to our lifestyle

So..... how many vanilla's know you are swingers and more to the point, what reaction have you found from those you have told?

Also did anyone you know find out by accident, and was their reqction any different?

xxxx

J&R

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most ppl know we're swingers and those that don't would do if the topic came up.We've found it a lot easier to be upfront and honest than to beat about the bush thinking up lies and excuses. The main reaction's we get are intrigue,envy and endless questions,lol.

We've made quite a few convert's,women being the more open to the idea,especialy the bi side of things.Some guy's can seem a little frightened by it showing fear of inadiquacy and insecurity.

The odd one or two insecure women become guarded,probably thinking Trace is suddenly going to make a play for their guy.However this is about the only negative reaction we've got.

We've also noticed that when your open with ppl it encourages them to come out to you too,lol.Theres more of us out there than you'd think.

XXXX

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By *eznhannahCouple
over a year ago

leeds

none, its the one thing, secret we enjoy together, not ashamed of who we are just adds to it that no one knows

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my ex girlfriend and i told our closer friends back at the start of the decade, they all seemed very open minded and cool about it. But after a while we found we were getting shunned and alot of gossip was going on behind our backs. People can be very cowardly about saying things to your face.

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

"This is kinda meant as as follow on to the recent 'face pics' thread - but to save hijacking that one we started another.

What we would like to discuss is how vanilla's react to our lifestyle

So..... how many vanilla's know you are swingers and more to the point, what reaction have you found from those you have told?

Also did anyone you know find out by accident, and was their reqction any different?

xxxx

J&R

My house buddy found out by accident = and as it is = she really is ok with it -= she asks me lots of questions, and doesnt totally undersatnd- but also doesnt judge.

Whereas - my OLD school buddy who i really wanted to come out to and talk to - made an off hand comment of "oh - at our age we really dont want to be shagging around do we"

Errrmmmm, yes i do - but i am now not going to be telling you that!!!!

Think if you lay the grounds and see what their reactions are - then you know how much you can tell. And any reaction is mostly intrigue me thinks.

My 2p worth xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi Rich

As you know anyone that knows us knows what we do lol

Family,Friends and even people down the local.

Never been one for secrets even about my bi side of life.

Decided it would be easier to tell people than not

Been open and honest from the start and as you know have benn in it a long time

Never had a bad reaction yet and even have people asking us how they would go about it (yes men and women lol)

Never push it on to people though and never would

But do feel that it is easier if people do know and as the years have gone by finding it more and more excepted

Maybe swinging will be the norm one day lol

Craig x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a single soul, they never have and never will as we can't see any one good reason for telling anyone.

We would never tell friends or family about what we like and dislike in our own bed so why on earth would we feel the need shout from the roof tops that we like to swing.

We would never criticise those that do but simply can't quite get our heads round that.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Ive always gone by the rule that you don't say anything to anyone unless you want the world and his wife to know about it as well,people love a bit of juicy gossip and love to pass it on with some added extras as well lol

At the moment I don't want the world and his wife to know

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

Some nice answers.

The question of the thread was not criticise anyone about whether or not you feel you should tell anyone, more about the reaction you have found if you do

xxxx

J&R

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

No, no one knows we play with others.

We are of the same view as 2bonk, we wouldn't dream of discussing our sex life with friends and this is an added addition to that.

I have heard of horror stories when people have found out/ been told that their friends/family are swingers, and people have lost friends over it, so we like to stay quiet for that reason too.

I really don't think it is being ashamed of what people do, it is that swinging isn't accepted as the norm.

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

Like we said we'd prefer to keep this thread to discuss vanilla's responses to being told rather than a 'should you or shouldn't you tell'

Well as we were the OP we may as well describe our experience.

Some friends know as we have told them. One guy who is a business associate found out by accident as we said on the other thread when we accidentally texted him rather than a couple we wanted to play with that night lol

The guy who found out by accident asked Rich on msn some time later if he had ever done a MFF threesome. When Rich said yes then the response was 'you jammy git that's my greatest fantasy!' It was all evens though... as one of Rich's greatest fantasies would be to own the other guys Aston Martin! lol

Mostly the response we got is one of envy to be honest and lot's of interest and questions. Only one guy took a rather dim view to it and said 'Well that's what happens when you separate sex fom love'

In fact we probably wouldn't be swingers now if it wasn't for the fact that friends of ours for many years eventually told us they were swingers.

In that case we were the vanilla's being told, and after another year or so building up to it we took the plunge ourselves. Never with our old friends though, but we are still friends with them

So we have not seen a really bad response ourselves. Trace & Ric's answer seems to be you guys get similar very response to us.

We are still interested to hear others experiences though. Has anyone had a really bad one themselves?

xxxxx

J&R

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well,i thought id better tell my mom and dad as my blue eyed brother found out by accident, so i thought i would get in first before he did, my moms reaction??

"bloody hell, you take after your nan and grandad"

and its never been mentioned since lol

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Like we said we'd prefer to keep this thread to discuss vanilla's responses to being told rather than a 'should you or shouldn't you tell'

As we have not told anyone, then I can only comment on what people have told me that happened to them, which I did.

Sorry if that doesn't suit you, but I thought it worth mentioning as that was what you were asking about, be it not personal to us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well mark told some friends of ours on a d*unken night out, they seemed cool with it to start with, but then we kept getting sarky comments all the time, they even did a profile on here just to look at what we were doing and they kept making a laugh and a joke about it on face book of all places, this then led to a family member finding out, needless to say this family member now no longer associates with us, and the so called friends well told them what l thought of them and moved on, they were more enemies in my eyes. Swinging is not acceptable to alot a people, but its what we do, so l say tough now !!!!

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By *nffCouple
over a year ago

derby

my 18yr old daughter found out not long after we joined. she left home and wouldn't speak to me. i was mortified but managed to talk to her and explain a few things. she's now fine and occasionally asks how we are getting on. shes not told anyone else which i'm grateful for as i'd hate the rest of my family knowing and i have a very public job so have to be discrete. most people don't want others knowing about what they get upto in the bedroom wether it be swinging or "normal". xx

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

""Like we said we'd prefer to keep this thread to discuss vanilla's responses to being told rather than a 'should you or shouldn't you tell'

Sorry if that doesn't suit you, but I thought it worth mentioning as that was what you were asking about, be it not personal to us."

Heavens Rugbycouple - we start a thread and some folks think we may be criticising them for keeping things private... then when we clarify that's not what we were asking on this thread... people get offended because we said we were more interested in vanillas responses than wheter they keep things private or not

We can't win can we lol

xxxx

J&R

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

"bloody hell, you take after your nan and grandad"

lol"

lollol now that is funny pmsl

xxxx

J&R

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi Rich

As you know anyone that knows us knows what we do lol

Family,Friends and even people down the local.

Never been one for secrets even about my bi side of life.

Decided it would be easier to tell people than not

Been open and honest from the start and as you know have benn in it a long time

Never had a bad reaction yet and even have people asking us how they would go about it (yes men and women lol)

Never push it on to people though and never would

But do feel that it is easier if people do know and as the years have gone by finding it more and more excepted

Maybe swinging will be the norm one day lol

Craig x"

Only when there are more with our attitude about though eh?.

XXXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well mark told some friends of ours on a d*unken night out, they seemed cool with it to start with, but then we kept getting sarky comments all the time, they even did a profile on here just to look at what we were doing and they kept making a laugh and a joke about it on face book of all places, this then led to a family member finding out, needless to say this family member now no longer associates with us, and the so called friends well told them what l thought of them and moved on, they were more enemies in my eyes. Swinging is not acceptable to alot a people, but its what we do, so l say tough now !!!!"

Many vanilla couple's will make out they're against swinging to pacify their partner.However,get them alone and its a different story.In our experience not many vanilla couple's truly know each other,sexualy speaking. They're often sneaking about behind eachother's back's,usualy trying to find something they don't get at home. The main cause of this is lack of comunication,they daren't tell eachother what they want for fear of upset or getting their head bitten off.

Lot's of time's we've had one partner of a vanilla couple say to us that they'd love to try swinging but their partner wouldn't have it.The funny thing is that their partner say's exactly the same thing.See,lack of honest comunication.

XXXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes trace and rich we find this with a lot of vanilla couples as well

Pity they cant talk about these things with eachother

craig x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi Rich

As you know anyone that knows us knows what we do lol

Family,Friends and even people down the local.

Never been one for secrets even about my bi side of life.

Decided it would be easier to tell people than not

Been open and honest from the start and as you know have benn in it a long time

Never had a bad reaction yet and even have people asking us how they would go about it (yes men and women lol)

Never push it on to people though and never would

But do feel that it is easier if people do know and as the years have gone by finding it more and more excepted

Maybe swinging will be the norm one day lol

Craig x

Only when there are more with our attitude about though eh?.

XXXX"

One can dream lol xx

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

""Like we said we'd prefer to keep this thread to discuss vanilla's responses to being told rather than a 'should you or shouldn't you tell'

Sorry if that doesn't suit you, but I thought it worth mentioning as that was what you were asking about, be it not personal to us.

We can't win can we lol

xxxx

J&R"

Starting a thread is fine, expecting it to stay on topic to exactly how you want it is unrealistic.

For me, I was commenting on a couple of peoples posts plus yours, to which I can carry on doing.

I wasn't offended by you telling us all to only speak about your question, but you shouldn't really expect everyone to comply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our daughters know and have no prob with it. Although the youngest (at 20)is VERY shy!!!

The eldest found out when a big bag of condoms arrived years ago and as we have both be snipped.... she put two and two together. Her partner wrote in the dirt on the back of my daughters car "my mother in law is dirtier then this!" lol

We did have one couple that we knew (suz had been to keep fit with her for over a year and got friendly). WE went for a drink and they were going on about being tolerant and we made the mistake of telling them!!!

We got told to never contact them again or he would kill us!!!

So at work my wife s thought of as very prim and propper (how wrong can you be!! lol) and for me only one knows and he is jealous!!

Alan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So far I've only told a few of my closest male friends and they're envious, saying they'd do the same thing if they where single. They're always asking questions about what goes on - I usually tell them a little but never go into detail and I certainly would never reveal the names of people I've met through swinging. I'm actually going on a 'vanilla' date tomorrow night and if things go well I don't know when I should mention what I do, as I've got no intention of stopping at the moment - it's just too much bloody fun! lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

please excuse us but we get the jist of things but not 100% what the term vanillas actually means sorry 4 being blonde

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"please excuse us but we get the jist of things but not 100% what the term vanillas actually means sorry 4 being blonde "

Vanilla = non swingers

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

Starting a thread is fine, expecting it to stay on topic to exactly how you want it is unrealistic.

For me, I was commenting on a couple of peoples posts plus yours, to which I can carry on doing.

I wasn't offended by you telling us all to only speak about your question, but you shouldn't really expect everyone to comply.

Hi Rugby's. Sorry please accept our apologies, you are quite right. We just hoped it would not change to a 'should you or should you not tell folks' thread that's all, as we thought this may be quite an interesting topic.

You said you had heard some horror stories relating to vanilla's being told, are you able to elaborate?

xxxxx

Ju & Rich

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"please excuse us but we get the jist of things but not 100% what the term vanillas actually means sorry 4 being blonde

Vanilla = non swingers"

Though you will also here the term on the bdsm scene, where you can be a swinger but also vanilla

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

Vanilla = non swingers"

Yeah, rather like Muggles in 'Harry Potter'

xxxxx

J&R

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By *-and-KCouple
over a year ago

Back of Beyond

Just a couple of people know that we swing from time to time, their reaction? a mixture of envy and awe.

Sadly as we both work for the NHS we have to keep a low profile so to speak. The professional bodies within the NHS look down their noses on such behaviour which does as we have seen, lead to loss of professional registration and consequently loss of livlihood.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of our immediate circle of friends know to varying degrees. Our closest friends know pretty much everything other than the people involved, they know we go to socials, use websites. To be honest we are not going to lie to our friends about why we go to some quite odd places some weekends. But pretty much most of our friends know we are errr, I guess liberal.

The vast majority of people that know are very non-judgemental and genuinely interestted/intrigued. One rec-curring themes are the levels of trust involved which people are always impressed by. The only negative response we've ever had was at a party when I was off flirting and a friend commentted to another that she didn't know how MissD coped as she'd be really jealous at which point it came out. She was really surprised and we subsequently got a lovely email apologising (even though she hadn't offended us) for how she reacted and explaining that she had this (very sterotypical) view of what swingers were like andwe were so far from it that she was really surprised.

Other than that no negativity at all, we're realistic enough to know that in part that is a reflection on our friends rather than society as a whole.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Starting a thread is fine, expecting it to stay on topic to exactly how you want it is unrealistic.

For me, I was commenting on a couple of peoples posts plus yours, to which I can carry on doing.

I wasn't offended by you telling us all to only speak about your question, but you shouldn't really expect everyone to comply.

You said you had heard some horror stories relating to vanilla's being told, are you able to elaborate?

xxxxx

Ju & Rich"

I can't really as they were told in confidence, but just to say if we were about to tell anyone our lifestyle, it sure put us off doing so :-/

I liked how your wrong text sending turned out though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All my family know about my lifestyle, they are all cool about it and they say what i choose to do is my business but then had no choice but to tell them as my ex decided to go round each family member one by one telling them so thought it was best to come from me.

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By *icekatCouple
over a year ago

north east

If I told my family my family would turn their backs on me I know they would and from then I would lose my sitters and end up not been able to swing lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i have two very close friends that know one male one female, the male guy is cool about it and i often use him as a safety thing , call me in half an hour this is where il be kinda thing but my female mate is quite judgemental and just rolls her eys in disgust lol, or envy not sure which,but as for anyone else ... nope its my business they just think im a serial dater lol xxxxx

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By *icekatCouple
over a year ago

north east

I think 1 of my friends and her family already know from their reactions to me such as the odd jibe and its not nice.

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

We have one vanilla friend who knows, she's very keen on sex and when she broke up with her man we invited her to come to Chams with us. She was shocked! Although she's very promiscuous, she likes one lover at a time and the idea of swapping or being in a group situation was too much for her. She said to R "How can you bring yourself to have another man with G watching?"

R took another friend to her bedroom to show her some of her new clothes, and forgot we've got a photo on her dressing table of us and a couple of very good swinging friends having a nude group cuddle after a 4some. Her friend hasn't commented.

G's brother knows and thinks it's great!

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Our friends found out while I was on a stag night, was bored out of my brains listening to 12 guys talk about the fit girls at bar, knowing none of them would ever get as far as "Hi"

They umm kinda noticed my apathy and asked what was up, so I politly informed them where I had been the night before with the lovely wiggles and our favorite bottle of JD :P

Result was comment like "Umm we though you were a nerd, since you play games all the time on pc" or "Wtf how the hell did you get away with that, my girlfriend would hang me if I even sugested it"

Comedy moment though had to be, at our wedding, when all our friend burst out laughing at the "we promiss to be faithfull" vow (we had to explain we are faithfull since we both know exactly what the other is doing)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A few now know were swingers... So far no nasty reactions, far from, more interest and curiosity from those who found out..

We don't advertise the fact but we don't deny if asked..

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By *ichNjudy OP Couple
over a year ago

stoke on trent

Comedy moment though had to be, at our wedding, when all our friend burst out laughing at the "we promiss to be faithfull" vow "

LOL yes we were at the wedding of some swinging freinds of ours last year - when they came to that 'promise to be faithful' bit they both said yes, then turned their heads back towards the congregation and gave a wink and a smile lol. Not all those who were attending were swingers but the vanilla's present just thought it was a funny joke and giggled anyway.

xxx

J&R

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hi very interesting thread , always thought about what other people got as a reaction , there are a couple of people who know about my lifestyle , my sister is a doctor and i value my sexual health so i told her what was going on as i like to get tested every couple of months and she just urged caution but was very non judgemental about it , as lot of you have said raised a lot questions though she seemed quite curious which was very strange for me lol , but on the whole id say its mainly curiosity , never had a bad reaction yet and hope i never do . its not something i go shouting about either but if they ask the direct question ill give a direct answer .

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