FabSwingers.com forum: black or mixed raced couples cant play

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why is the culture in the swinging world to to exclude black and asian people... no going around this or trying to dress it as anything different... we visited a well known club and the staff hosting even was lovely and welcoming.. but the couples there did not to talk to us. They were not friendly. They were not warm and they didnot want to include us in any activities... they didnt want to be in the same room as us... on this site, we have spoken to over 50 couples in 9 weeks and guess what... NONE of them wanted to meed us. Some couples actually told us it was blackdappa is a black guy... and now ive made this thread you guys will probs opt to ignore it like yous do whenever we comment in any of the forums... do yeah well done guys for creating another prejudice and exclusive culture in the uk... you couples know who you are!!!!

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By *idlifefuncplCouple
over a year ago

Dudley

It is down to personal preference. We will play with black and mixed race or black/white couples, but do not play with Asian couples. Each to their own.

You may have been unlucky and gone to a club where they all preferred white only?

You could always go to one of the BMFC type events, where black males are very welcome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

More an issue with interpersonal skills and attitudes IMHO!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ok we only play with girls but have never had any issues in clubs or with peoplehe is asian i am white. and i think if we wanted to meet couples i know a few we could but its not my thing (girl). honestly best thing u can do is go to a few socials chat and let people get to know u both also use the chat rooms cause they r great to have banter and let people get to know you slowly. imo lots coming into swinging thinking its all going to happen fast and with couples there has to be a connection with both in most cases so it makes things more complicated.but there r quite a few mixed race couples that do well on here xxx

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto

Personal preference.

Because believe it or not, not everyone likes everything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it is personal preference, I personal have no discrimination against colour, race, creed or religion. We are all consenting adults & I appreciate that there is more to a person than the colour of their skin or their ethnic origins. Xx

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

I've had prob over a hundred white guys message me in the last few weeks and I've turned them down. Not because I don't like white guys but because I didn't want to meet those particular white guys. I've seen plenty of black couples on here that get meets.

And you say about people ignoring your forum posts but you've only posted on 5 other threads so its hardly like you post regular and get blanked is it??

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

And yes 'some' told you that it was because he was black, same as I don't meet short guys, ginger guys etc. we all have our preferences doesn't make us prejudice!

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By *nnebellWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

Well, as others have said, personal prefferance, interpersonal skills and some times we ourselves don't dont give off the right vibe. I know the first time I went to a club I looked like a rabbit caught in headlights, and not in a good way.

My advice would be chill, enjoy what the club its self has to offer and most of all SMILE.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"More an issue with interpersonal skills and attitudes IMHO!

Whos attitute? Ours attitute or theres?

Can tell assure you we didnt have an attitute and we were both dressed smartly. We had to keep saying hello to everyone who passed us on stairways and in hallways otherwise they would of been happy to walk passed us.... never would have thought club-f was for white people only tbh

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By *zanyCouple
over a year ago

truro

We get the same treatment on some nights at the club we go to and we are both white. It's not just a race issue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It seems there are quite a lot of people looking for black/mixed race men or couples...

Just accept that some people are not attracted by black people, tell those who are really racists to sod off and move on: I'm sure you will find plenty of people to have fun with

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By *istress-MazikeenWoman
over a year ago

bolton

"More an issue with interpersonal skills and attitudes IMHO!

That is exactly what I was thinking, you have to make the approach at times, and not expect people to come to you.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Why is the culture in the swinging world to to exclude black and asian people... no going around this or trying to dress it as anything different... we visited a well known club and the staff hosting even was lovely and welcoming.. but the couples there did not to talk to us. They were not friendly. They were not warm and they didnot want to include us in any activities... they didnt want to be in the same room as us... on this site, we have spoken to over 50 couples in 9 weeks and guess what... NONE of them wanted to meed us. Some couples actually told us it was blackdappa is a black guy... and now ive made this thread you guys will probs opt to ignore it like yous do whenever we comment in any of the forums... do yeah well done guys for creating another prejudice and exclusive culture in the uk... you couples know who you are!!!! "

okay.... i think i was at the club you were at last night... so I will say what I say to most new couples who go...

meeting people in clubs are not a one way street... you still have to make an effort to go up to people and say hello, just as people say hello to you...

there were lots of people in the social areas last night, and outside for example just chatting and laughing.... and i know it may sound like the safest thing to do is to hold onto each other and that everyone seems to know each other... but if you just wander around not saying boo to a goose then it doesn't help......

clubs get a mixture of people who full swing, and soft swing, so where as it looks as if people are being unfriendly, but they are doing what is in their comfort zone......

sometimes you have to be able to help yourselves "help yourself"..... I had a good time chatting to new couples outside and in the other social areas, there were lots of people outside last night just because of the nice weather, i dont think you ventured out once and that isn't really "helping yourselves"

sorry you didn't have a good time last night, maybe the perception and expectations you had didn't match the reality.. or maybe a saturday night isn't for you.....

there may be various reasons, you picked on one that gives you an easy out... there may be others

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

[Removed by poster at 07/07/13 10:05:40]

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

I would not assume it is only because you are a mixed race couple. There are lots of reasons why people may not want to meet. I am sure you don't want to meet with everyone you chat to.

Did you chat to the other couples at the party. Don't wait for others to make the first move.

I would not jump to conclusions too quickly. I know a number of mixed race couples, who are charming, pleasant, very sexy and do very well swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I understand your concern. For some while my gf (alas now former) who is African and I enjoyed going to clubs in London because she really enjoyed the freedom here whereas in Scotland (where she is from) she sometimes felt cold shouldered at the few clubs up there. Yes I agree it is a matter of preference but I suggest you might have fun coming down to London to enjoy some of the clubs down here.

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

okay.... i think i was at the club you were at last night... so I will say what I say to most new couples who go...

meeting people in clubs are not a one way street... you still have to make an effort to go up to people and say hello, just as people say hello to you...

clubs get a mixture of people who full swing, and soft swing, so where as it looks as if people are being unfriendly, but they are doing what is in their comfort zone......

sorry you didn't have a good time last night, maybe the perception and expectations you had didn't match the reality.. or maybe a saturday night isn't for you.....

there may be various reasons, you picked on one that gives you an easy out... there may be others "

You said that so much better than me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well, as others have said, personal prefferance, interpersonal skills and some times we ourselves don't dont give off the right vibe. I know the first time I went to a club I looked like a rabbit caught in headlights, and not in a good way.

My advice would be chill, enjoy what the club its self has to offer and most of all SMILE....."

Thats exactly what we did... we can meet single guys no problem...

thats exactly what we did... we went and checked out the building. We loved the place. Its funky and has lots to look at and try. But we went for the social aspect but nobody in the place would give us the time of day.. you guys can dismis what am saying or you accept that there is something in what am saying... apparently theres are lots of mixed couples on here but thats not strickly true... we can search for days and not see a single mixed couple! Am not claiming everyone is prejudice.. I dont pull race issues because someone doesn't like us.. ive been black for a long time so I know when am not welcome in certain circles.. its not rocket science. I put this thread up to test if it a prejudice and you guys have gone some way to confirms by the nature of the replies.. very dismissive of our experience.. even trying to blame our attitude without and grounds based soley on the fact that I dare to raise this issue.. so yeah I guess it is what it is..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its Personal preference I have lots of friends on fab that are from the black/Asian community that I've met at socials etc but I only really chat to them as friends as sexually I'm not attracted to them it doesn't make me prejudice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you will always get people who arent friendly towards you, who ever you are, maybe not your fault either.

i usualy think i wont have much in common with a black or asian person but i have had friends on this site and another one who were black and asian and have met two black men on here who i quite liked, im not realy interested in black men or asians it just depends if i think we would be compatible and get on with each other, more than anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To the op ... I go to clubs often.. and have seen new couples be ignored no matter what their race or looks...I've found this mainly at the bigger clubs and have found even at one of the most well know that this happens..

and believe it or not.. single women can get it too.

My regular playpartner and l have seen at chameleons when we go in the day that Tyler's you put loads of effort in most won't talk..

so I think it's not a race issue.. more a new couple issue at that club.

I've turned up to my local club before and been many couples in.. all sat talking to just each other.. so I kinda network between them...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"More an issue with interpersonal skills and attitudes IMHO!

That is exactly what I was thinking, you have to make the approach at times, and not expect people to come to you."

This is the prejudice that I am talking about. Why do you assume that we havent been making any approaches? I have mailed, winked, and invited dozens of people that we like... at clubf last night it was us that had to say all the hello's first and we barely got replies.. a couple there last night was actively leaving rooms everytime we came in.. the girl liked me. Buy her guy hated me being there.. id not spoken a word to him. I never gave any negative vibes.. I wore my smile and flashed my pearly whites till my front teeth dried up. But we just wasnt made to feel included... I can understand that not all people are gonna like. We dont think we are gods gift and not everyones cup of tea.. I didnt fancy any girls who where there last night but I still tried to be friendly and acknowledged and greeted those couples..

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Whenever I have gone to chams there have been loads of black people playing so not sure whwre you are coming from really. Maybe it's you as a couple?

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By *rs WhiteCouple
over a year ago

South

Well..Don,t think that,s right, J loves to play with Black guys, and we would love to meet a mixed couple, so next time you'r down south.....

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By *ENTLE-KINGMan
over a year ago

ELY, MILTON KEYNES AND NORTHAMPTON

When you swing you mean to be a free spirit you don't need to be involved with someone of any religion or skin colour but be friendly that why we swing we meet people you never expect to meet them in your life and you offer yourself to them that moment for me make us on top of every living creature wish people can stop hate and open up to each other to make our world a better place to live let keep swing make true friends with close bonds.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Sometimes in clubs couples night can be a bit of a closed shop if it's a lot of regulars who all know each other and spend a fair chunk of the evening just catching up socially.

A club which is well attended on open nights (singles and couples) could possibly be a better option.

But it can also vary greatly from week to week just by the mix of people.

Hopefully your next club visit will be more successful.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

okay.... i think i was at the club you were at last night... so I will say what I say to most new couples who go...

meeting people in clubs are not a one way street... you still have to make an effort to go up to people and say hello, just as people say hello to you...

clubs get a mixture of people who full swing, and soft swing, so where as it looks as if people are being unfriendly, but they are doing what is in their comfort zone......

sorry you didn't have a good time last night, maybe the perception and expectations you had didn't match the reality.. or maybe a saturday night isn't for you.....

there may be various reasons, you picked on one that gives you an easy out... there may be others "

I saw you... you had your heaf down and did not want to see us.. we looked at you many times and you just didnt want to make eye contact so why would we persist with trying to talk to you when it was obvious you didnt wanna know... and we did venture outside. Everyone was smoking but we wasnt smoking... we went into main bedroom upstairs and played on the big beds. Only 2 single guys watched. They were the only people to speak to us all night but yet you write some big thing when you yourself did not want acknowledge us. Plus you never really came in the house. You stayed outside all night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had all the things you describe happen to me at clubs before.. people sometimes turn me down just because I'm not for them.

I don't like couples nights simply because I tend to find them a little clicky..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I honestly dont know about this one...I'm a single mixed race male..had no problems most of my time in 6yrs on fab

Ive sometime been the ONLY person of colour in a party/club

and for most of the time..Ive never been hunted just for the colour aspect, as i believe i engage well socially.

maybe its time Op to move to scotland, and of course start shagging single guys...am up for it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hummmm anyone got some dipps for that big old shoulder Chip ? were friends with "mixed race" couple and there having a whale of a time!! .... i suspect it's like the rest of life you get out what you put in .....

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By *istress-MazikeenWoman
over a year ago

bolton

"More an issue with interpersonal skills and attitudes IMHO!

That is exactly what I was thinking, you have to make the approach at times, and not expect people to come to you.

What you have said about putting on a smile!It has to be natural.

Just because your sending messages does not mean that you fit what the people are looking for.

So people take an instant dislike to people straight away, and you have to accept that.

All it needs is to be natural, keep going back and take your time.

I have been to clubs as a couple, and it is hard to mingle, especially when the other couples know each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont understand how you can be attracted to one race and not another. What attracts me to people is their personality, distinctive features such as nice eyes, or nice smile and even their body shape.

I'd never say, oh you know what, shes got a body to die for, a smile that lights up the room and we can have the best talks and a real laugh. But i wouldn't go out with her because her skin is darker then mine!

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

assumptions... they are a bitch at times!!

and maybe that is some of the perception that we are talking about....

did you at any point, come up to me ask say "hello"... to which I said something akin to "f off"... nope.... you made that judgement from afar

your perception was i don't want to know and i was outside all night.... lets put it this way, I wasn't outside by myself... I was there chatting, and just generally being socialable...

you didn't exactly say hello either... so it isn't a one way street thing

sometimes the best thing is to just join in on a conversation, oh... and as you were talking about being "black" longer than most in the thread... I think I've "been black" longer than you....

like i said... race is sometimes an easy out which leaves the other person blameless.... sometimes it is the reason, but other times it isn't.... its one of those things people can latch onto easily....

did you ask any of the people if that was the issue... or was that another assumption of your part.....

i went downstairs and had a good time, so I know that race wasn't an issue for some of the people there......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont understand how you can be attracted to one race and not another. What attracts me to people is their personality, distinctive features such as nice eyes, or nice smile and even their body shape.

personally preference.. races have their own markers so to speak.. different looks etc.. it's about sexual attraction and in this world that comes before personality for most

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"you will always get people who arent friendly towards you, who ever you are, maybe not your fault either.

Thats how it should be

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"More an issue with interpersonal skills and attitudes IMHO!

That is exactly what I was thinking, you have to make the approach at times, and not expect people to come to you.

What you have said about putting on a smile!It has to be natural.

Just because your sending messages does not mean that you fit what the people are looking for.

So people take an instant dislike to people straight away, and you have to accept that.

All it needs is to be natural, keep going back and take your time.

I have been to clubs as a couple, and it is hard to mingle, especially when the other couples know each other."

Strong sound solid advice mate thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't it a personal choice? I've seen hundreds of profiles from white gals that state 'looking for black cock only'! I don't get upset about, i just move on to a profile that is looking for someone like me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I honestly dont know about this one...I'm a single mixed race male..had no problems most of my time in 6yrs on fab

Ive sometime been the ONLY person of colour in a party/club

and for most of the time..Ive never been hunted just for the colour aspect, as i believe i engage well socially.

maybe its time Op to move to scotland, and of course start shagging single guys...am up for it

A single guy id do very well on this site no doubt about that all... as a single girl minx would have guys couples and girls going mad for her.. but as a genuine couple wanting to meet other similar couples.. not a chance in hell

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think I understand your concern. For some while my gf (alas now former) who is African and I enjoyed going to clubs in London because she really enjoyed the freedom here whereas in Scotland (where she is from) she sometimes felt cold shouldered at the few clubs up there. Yes I agree it is a matter of preference but I suggest you might have fun coming down to London to enjoy some of the clubs down here. "

guess you seen it too huh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

see I find that hard to believe. I've seen many mixed race couples doing very well at clubs... I think you feel others are funny with you and that will rub off on others.. just go with no expectations.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Its Personal preference I have lots of friends on fab that are from the black/Asian community that I've met at socials etc but I only really chat to them as friends as sexually I'm not attracted to them it doesn't make me prejudice "

And thats totally fine. Nothing wrong with that

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To the op ... I go to clubs often.. and have seen new couples be ignored no matter what their race or looks...I've found this mainly at the bigger clubs and have found even at one of the most well know that this happens..

and believe it or not.. single women can get it too.

My regular playpartner and l have seen at chameleons when we go in the day that Tyler's you put loads of effort in most won't talk..

so I think it's not a race issue.. more a new couple issue at that club.

I've turned up to my local club before and been many couples in.. all sat talking to just each other.. so I kinda network between them...

Right I get ya, so you think its more of a clique thing than anything else.. although there was a couple with a young girl in a black dress and they plainly did not wanna be in the same room as us but never mind them, I just thought it was funny watching them keep scooping up clothing and running out the room everytime we came in haha but was a bit upsetting tho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We totally see where the OP is coming from here and we never go on couples only nights to any clubs for the same reasons as the OP . Well maybe not exactly the same reasons as we are not mixed race , but we feel the same way !

It's the whole clique that exists on these nights that has put us off and that may well be down to us too before everyone gets on our case .

From our experience there are a hell of a lot of wannabes , posers and social only couples on these nights and as we go to play it isn't always easy to feel the vibe as it is on other nights.

Many folk seem to revel in the social side and spend most , if not all the night with their group of buddies and it's impossible to get involved .

Indeed , we have played in the couples room and had to ask couples who are constantly in there chatting and laughing to pipe down as it is off putting ffs !!!!!

Ultimately there are different types of couples in the scene and we clearly don't fit into the Saturday night club couples scene , and maybe the same applies to you guys ?

One thing is for sure though - we so wish we had been there last night , because you guys are a breath of fresh air as far as we are concerned !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've attended many clubs and parties where all colours, shapes and sizes attend. I've seen these people playing and having a good time.

I don't say hello to everyone in a club, there is no reason for that, it's the same as going to any regular club or pub.

There may be a few people who are prejudiced. That's life though and you can't change that.

On the forum you post, get to know people etc. When I post I don't get personal replies.

It sounds like you are using this as an excuse for not getting what you want out of swinging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I saw a forum on here about 3 week ago. This guy said their was a lot more large women then thin women and he didn't want to go with large women so his chances of meeting someone he liked was reduced. And he got absolutely slated for it. But when it comes to race people just say its just personal preference don't worry about it. Seems to be a lot of double standards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

and believe it or not.. single women can get it too.

My regular playpartner and l have seen at chameleons when we go in the day that Tyler's you put loads of effort in most won't talk..

so I think it's not a race issue.. more a new couple issue at that club.

I've turned up to my local club before and been many couples in.. all sat talking to just each other.. so I kinda network between them...

last time my partner in perversion and I were at a club we had the same with one couple.. they didn't seem to want to play anywhere we were.. it happens.. but we just laugh it off now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I saw a forum on here about 3 week ago. This guy said their was a lot more large women then thin women and he didn't want to go with large women so his chances of meeting someone he liked was reduced. And he got absolutely slated for it. But when it comes to race people just say its just personal preference don't worry about it. Seems to be a lot of double standards"

no he got slated for his attitude.. not his preference... He was very derogatory towards bigger women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And yes 'some' told you that it was because he was black, same as I don't meet short guys, ginger guys etc. we all have our preferences doesn't make us prejudice! "

You don't meet short or ginger guys!

Damn it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

assumptions... they are a bitch at times!!

and maybe that is some of the perception that we are talking about....

did you at any point, come up to me ask say "hello"... to which I said something akin to "f off"... nope.... you made that judgement from afar

your perception was i don't want to know and i was outside all night.... lets put it this way, I wasn't outside by myself... I was there chatting, and just generally being socialable...

you didn't exactly say hello either... so it isn't a one way street thing

sometimes the best thing is to just join in on a conversation, oh... and as you were talking about being "black" longer than most in the thread... I think I've "been black" longer than you....

did you ask any of the people if that was the issue... or was that another assumption of your part.....

i went downstairs and had a good time, so I know that race wasn't an issue for some of the people there......"

You were in your group... we tried making making eye contact with you... YOU KEPT YOUR HEAD DOWN AND DID NOT WANT TO LOOK AT US MINX EVEN COMMENTED ON IT COZ IT WAS SO OBVIOUS.... you deliberately gnored us.. it was our first night.. you were in a group... your not trying to understand how we felt. Your just trying to be clever. You str8 out blanked us simples so dont make out like we never tried coz you was around us so how eould you know what we did and didnt try? I never said ive been "black the longest".. I said ive been "black long enough" so thats just more cleaver but senseless unrelated text coming from you in fairness.. am allowed to make assumptions.. youve made plenty in this thread already. My assumptions can also be wrong.. but sometimes my assumptions can be right also

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no he got slated for his attitude.. not his preference... He was very derogatory towards bigger women. "

Are you serious? He was stating his preference. Just because some people don't like the truth doesn't mean he was being "derogatory" towards them

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Whenever I have gone to chams there have been loads of black people playing so not sure whwre you are coming from really. Maybe it's you as a couple?"

Chams in based in the south... we live in the north... big big big difference! More accepting in the south as there is a higher concentrate of socially mixed cultures... not so in the north... up here travellers keep to there own. Asians keep to there own. Black people are even thinner on the ground so we play mainly with white people but believe me that is not without problems of its own u can tell you... most girls ive dated up here have had prejudism in her family.. her father her mother her grandfolks her brother... so I guess somr kind of stigma still exists in reguards to mixed relationships up here in the north.. I still get names being called from passing cars when am out minding my own business so not so tolerant in the north tbh

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

personally preference.. races have their own markers so to speak.. different looks etc.. it's about sexual attraction and in this world that comes before personality for most "

Fully agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am sorry you are getting that impression from the site and swinging generally as I only play with black, mixed race and Asian guys and I know a lot of women and couples who feel the same as me. However I went to a club a few months ago with a black partner and he was the only black guy there. He was made to feel very welcome though but I wished there were more black guys there to have fun with.

I hope you will find the people who genuinely want you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Personal preference.

Because believe it or not, not everyone likes everything."

Yep and some people don't understand that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"More an issue with interpersonal skills and attitudes IMHO!

Based on the OP's subsequent posts, I can;t help but think you hit the nail firmly on the head there.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Isn't it a personal choice? I've seen hundreds of profiles from white gals that state 'looking for black cock only'! I don't get upset about, i just move on to a profile that is looking for someone like me."

Yeah like I said its not really a problem on the single market... but as a mixed race couple its almost impossible up here in the northeast.. bet am not the only couple that feel like that.. but maybe I am one the bravest for daring to raise it in a forum

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By *llie RoseWoman
over a year ago

By the seaside

Have you considered that the age of the female half of the OP may also be an influential factor here. Just food for thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well sounds like someone's spat the dummy lol.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

[Removed by poster at 07/07/13 12:20:24]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We totally see where the OP is coming from here and we never go on couples only nights to any clubs for the same reasons as the OP . Well maybe not exactly the same reasons as we are not mixed race , but we feel the same way !

It's the whole clique that exists on these nights that has put us off and that may well be down to us too before everyone gets on our case .

From our experience there are a hell of a lot of wannabes , posers and social only couples on these nights and as we go to play it isn't always easy to feel the vibe as it is on other nights.

Many folk seem to revel in the social side and spend most , if not all the night with their group of buddies and it's impossible to get involved .

Indeed , we have played in the couples room and had to ask couples who are constantly in there chatting and laughing to pipe down as it is off putting ffs !!!!!

Ultimately there are different types of couples in the scene and we clearly don't fit into the Saturday night club couples scene , and maybe the same applies to you guys ?

One thing is for sure though - we so wish we had been there last night , because you guys are a breath of fresh air as far as we are concerned !

Aww thanks.. we really appreciate that emmencely.. and we experienced the block out too.. no way could we have made friends last night.. we went to play not sit and smoke fags. We had no expectations apart from mixing and talking to new people even if we wasnt a sexual match.. could of still had a few jokes and some banter.. but I guess our face just didnt fit for whatever reasons

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Whenever I have gone to chams there have been loads of black people playing so not sure whwre you are coming from really. Maybe it's you as a couple?

Ok. I know of one forum regular who goes to club f a fair bit and seems to have plenty of Fun there. He is a big black guy so again, it doesn't seem to be a race issue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some of our best friends are from ethnic minoritys,i find them interesting and funny and like finding out about the culture they have,we also have in our friends list a few couples that are mixed race and hopefully one day we will get together and do the bizzo.

spread the love

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've attended many clubs and parties where all colours, shapes and sizes attend. I've seen these people playing and having a good time.

I don't say hello to everyone in a club, there is no reason for that, it's the same as going to any regular club or pub.

There may be a few people who are prejudiced. That's life though and you can't change that.

On the forum you post, get to know people etc. When I post I don't get personal replies.

It sounds like you are using this as an excuse for not getting what you want out of swinging

Can you pleased define exactly what my "excuse" could be? I read your post and it makes no sense... how can what youve seen be my excuse????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you considered that the age of the female half of the OP may also be an influential factor here. Just food for thought. "

I'd not looked at that.. I would say young female and well when I used to go that caused me issues.. I started when I was about 24, but looked younger..

however I still say that mostly it's the regular couples that make breaking into the group at some clubs so hard...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Same as the couples who constantly complain about about timewasters but turn out to nothing but timewasters themselves!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you are not alone in going to a club where no one even speaks to you

it happened to us too

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

no he got slated for his attitude.. not his preference... He was very derogatory towards bigger women. "

Then he deserved his public floggin lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you are not alone in going to a club where no one even speaks to you

it happened to us too

ahh thats a pisser,we have gone and not known anyone and people who do seem to know each other stick together,then you can go again and a couple walk past and smile nod etc and then may come back and sit next to ya and strike up a conversation that leads to somthing hot.

best advice i could give anyone that happens to is don't get pissed off and stick at it........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

also its not as though you have not had any meets in your short time on fab

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"More an issue with interpersonal skills and attitudes IMHO!

Based on the OP's subsequent posts, I can;t help but think you hit the nail firmly on the head there.

Care to explain what you mean bro

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Have you considered that the age of the female half of the OP may also be an influential factor here. Just food for thought. "

Shes 21 and am 30... is that a problem...? Let the side stepping continue!!!!!

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By *ach3Man
over a year ago

Watford

I think some of the comments on here are getting too personal and there is a danger of making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Just checked out your (OP) profile and you both look fine and you have feedback which confirms you are genuine - given I have only been members for a few weeks.

Having originated from up north and played previously as a couple - think I really had nothing more than a bad night. People talk about making the first move, but it is amazing how shy even fairly regular swingers are to not only dying hello but actually carrying on the conversation!

One tip ( as a couple) I found was to put up a meet in advance and show it on updates - so at least you could look out for people who were interested in meeting you from the start.

Unlike some (me lol) you both still have many years of swinging fun ahead of you - have fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ok I didn't choose to swing so I could shag everyone who spoke to me. I have personal preferences same as I did before I became a swinger so why change. I know what I like and what my partner likes and we are fully aware and accept that we are not to everyone's taste. everyone is different and that's what makes it interesting be dull if we all liked the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"ok I didn't choose to swing so I could shag everyone who spoke to me. I have personal preferences same as I did before I became a swinger so why change. I know what I like and what my partner likes and we are fully aware and accept that we are not to everyone's taste. everyone is different and that's what makes it interesting be dull if we all liked the same"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Whenever I have gone to chams there have been loads of black people playing so not sure whwre you are coming from really. Maybe it's you as a couple?

Ok. I know of one forum regular who goes to club f a fair bit and seems to have plenty of Fun there. He is a big black guy so again, it doesn't seem to be a race issue. "

no probs not a race issue... but defo some kind of prejudism for whatever reason... ive noticed a few who have nothing to contribute to this thread apart from negativity and or blame... ask yourselves why you bothered to comment.. you cant offend me with playground talk.. one even accuses me of spitting my dummy out... but how so because ive posted something you didnt like but it obviously stikes a nerve so my job is done.. many people have sent private mail to me regarding this threat... I wonder how many private responses you got ti anything you have posted in this thread! Your prejudism isnt not hidden behind your negative and pointless texts.. infact it shines and rediates far and wide like a bright light on a dark night.. if you cant say anything constructive then wouldnt it be better not to say anything at all..! Blackdappa

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think some of the comments on here are getting too personal and there is a danger of making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Just checked out your (OP) profile and you both look fine and you have feedback which confirms you are genuine - given I have only been members for a few weeks.

One tip ( as a couple) I found was to put up a meet in advance and show it on updates - so at least you could look out for people who were interested in meeting you from the start.

Unlike some (me lol) you both still have many years of swinging fun ahead of you - have fun

That's a very nice post as I have noticed some of the aggressive comments

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Whenever I have gone to chams there have been loads of black people playing so not sure whwre you are coming from really. Maybe it's you as a couple?

Ok. I know of one forum regular who goes to club f a fair bit and seems to have plenty of Fun there. He is a big black guy so again, it doesn't seem to be a race issue. "

Seem him last night he looked very uncomfortable around me... perhaps I made him feel uneasy somehow... ive known this before with other black guys..!

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By *ex4unowCouple
over a year ago

near you

Hey they are using positive descrimination in goverment now perhaps the op wants people that meet his specific wants to be forced to play because the race card is the goto excuse for lack of perseverence

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto

Dunno man.....i've played in the North, and not had any problems whatsoever. And technically it should be easier for you both as a couple.

There might be a different issue at play.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

So was what you said positive and constructive?

I get your point. You find it hard to play with others at clubs and feel this is because you are either not in with the crowd or are a mixed race couple etc.

Swinging isn't all inclusive as some people think. Just like society as a whole there will be some that like you and some that don't.

I've been to a club before and not got any action probably because I am fat. Do I let it bother me? Not really. No I complain that people are being fattest? Nope they just didn't like me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"you are not alone in going to a club where no one even speaks to you

it happened to us too

best advice i could give anyone that happens to is don't get pissed off and stick at it........

we fully intend to mate.. just thought id open it up for discussion.. like I say am brave enough to speak my mind... yesterday we saw it all in one place.. so we know not to visit that place again.. there are plenty of other places. Gonna look down south we think

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"also its not as though you have not had any meets in your short time on fab

Lol that was just to test the waters and again we were playing with single guys so doesnt really apply to this thread

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think some of the comments on here are getting too personal and there is a danger of making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Just checked out your (OP) profile and you both look fine and you have feedback which confirms you are genuine - given I have only been members for a few weeks.

One tip ( as a couple) I found was to put up a meet in advance and show it on updates - so at least you could look out for people who were interested in meeting you from the start.

Unlike some (me lol) you both still have many years of swinging fun ahead of you - have fun

Great tip mate thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hey they are using positive descrimination in goverment now perhaps the op wants people that meet his specific wants to be forced to play because the race card is the goto excuse for lack of perseverence "

Bit harsh... funny thing is.. I never mention race.. you guys do... am not even full black lol so theres more prejudism right there.. and how do you know what we have or havent done... another deconstructive post... cmom guys bring some light to the table not all this negative stuff.. it helps nobody so you yourself.. and if your not helping people then what is your purpose?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"More an issue with interpersonal skills and attitudes IMHO!

Based on the OP's subsequent posts, I can;t help but think you hit the nail firmly on the head there.

Care to explain what you mean bro

The apparent chip on your shoulder. The fact thar you have decided that this can only be down to your ethnicity. That it couldn't be due to her age. Or that people just didnt fancy you.

But equally you've said you were there to play not sit and smoke fags - maybe your sense of expectation was too high?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

clubs can be clicky and it can be difficult with established friendships, starting up conversation, but as other people have said, you do need to instigate conversations and go from there. Maybe arranging to meet couples there and posting on meets pages, may help you having some people to meet and socialise there. There is personal preference involved, which is probably the case rather than anything sinister. Good luck with it all and i am sure your next visit will go better.

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

Bit harsh... funny thing is.. I never mention race.. you guys do... am not even full black lol so theres more prejudism right there.. "

Sorry but the thread title and the OP suggests that it is about race

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside

Your OP mention it in the first sentence!

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside

mentions*

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So was what you said positive and constructive?

I get your point. You find it hard to play with others at clubs and feel this is because you are either not in with the crowd or are a mixed race couple etc.

Swinging isn't all inclusive as some people think. Just like society as a whole there will be some that like you and some that don't.

I've been to a club before and not got any action probably because I am fat. Do I let it bother me? Not really. No I complain that people are being fattest? Nope they just didn't like me.

What I said has been very constructive... because people are talking and bringing suggestions.. this thread will not only benefit me and minx, but many other ethnic couples are silently reading this thread and my feel a little more empowered to try again after experiencing what me and minx has... which us basically a brick wall on swinging as a couple... ive simply had the guts to open my mouth... so I leave it to you decide if am an activist or a trouble maker lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So was what you said positive and constructive?

I get your point. You find it hard to play with others at clubs and feel this is because you are either not in with the crowd or are a mixed race couple etc.

Swinging isn't all inclusive as some people think. Just like society as a whole there will be some that like you and some that don't.

I've been to a club before and not got any action probably because I am fat. Do I let it bother me? Not really. No I complain that people are being fattest? Nope they just didn't like me.

moaning pain in the rear, sorry but thats how you come across

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By *llie RoseWoman
over a year ago

By the seaside

"Have you considered that the age of the female half of the OP may also be an influential factor here. Just food for thought.

Shes 21 and am 30... is that a problem...? Let the side stepping continue!!!!!"

OP if you look at my profile the one thing you will see is that I wasn't trying side stepping. I know one thing alot of younger couples state is the lack of similar aged couples at clubs. A lot of people aren't interested in those who are similar ages to their children and lets be honest 21 is at the lower end of the age range. I'm not saying that it was the reason or even the colours of your skin weren't the problem, only that there may be a range of reasons why you didnt have a good time.

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By *llie RoseWoman
over a year ago

By the seaside

ps Up to recently I was in a mixed raced relationship and we didn't experience problems meeting.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

i think it is highly unfair to talk about a couple who are not here to defend themselves... but the lady the OP was talking about, it was only their 2nd time in the club as well.... and they were really nervous 1st time in.

but I am guessing again "assumptions" were at play here, and after all don't we say to everyone new, if you don't feel comfy dont do anything???

so you were there for sex and not socialising... good for you, some people have that same attitude, but then try to understand that for a lot of people who go to clubs that socialising is part of finding out whether you then want to play with someone or not.....

I only brought up the black thing because you were the one who originally brought it up....

but like I said, "race" is one of those easy excuses that puts the reason elsewhere, and leaves the person saying it blameless.....

same with age, or size, or sexuality ect ect ect......

but "race" is one of those dangerous things that sticks so it is one of those people shouldn't throw around flippantly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What does OP mean ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So was what you said positive and constructive?

I get your point. You find it hard to play with others at clubs and feel this is because you are either not in with the crowd or are a mixed race couple etc.

Swinging isn't all inclusive as some people think. Just like society as a whole there will be some that like you and some that don't.

I've been to a club before and not got any action probably because I am fat. Do I let it bother me? Not really. No I complain that people are being fattest? Nope they just didn't like me.

Here 8 weeks, 2 verification and you talk about a brick wall?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"More an issue with interpersonal skills and attitudes IMHO!

Based on the OP's subsequent posts, I can;t help but think you hit the nail firmly on the head there.

Care to explain what you mean bro

The apparent chip on your shoulder. The fact thar you have decided that this can only be down to your ethnicity. That it couldn't be due to her age. Or that people just didnt fancy you.

But equally you've said you were there to play not sit and smoke fags - maybe your sense of expectation was too high?

Yeah that could be factor.. but I dont think it is tbh... there are plenty of couple's that have the same and greater age devides... niw your trying to make us feel bad that am 30 and dating a 21 year old... if she was 30 and me 39 would it still make a difference? We went to play... why would I go to a swinging club with the intension of smoking fags all night?? You guys seem to move the goal posts... we didnt actually expect to meet anyone but we did hope to talk to people and couole that with all shuns we get on here, plus the ones who actually tell us its a colour thing along with people who dont even wanna make eye contact with us or the others who cant even be in the same room as us.. sorry nan but a picture starts to emerge but I just cant really define what that is so... it cant be all our fault. .. ifso then why did that couple keep leaving the rooms everytime we walked in... why wouldnt the black guy make eye contact with.. he wasnt a part of that couple... I just say it how it how I see it..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The apparent chip on your shoulder. The fact thar you have decided that this can only be down to your ethnicity. That it couldn't be due to her age. Or that people just didnt fancy you.

But equally you've said you were there to play not sit and smoke fags - maybe your sense of expectation was too high?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

moaning pain in the rear, sorry but thats how you come across "

So personal insults is the best you have to offer this thread... lol ok cool

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Have you considered that the age of the female half of the OP may also be an influential factor here. Just food for thought. "

That was my initial thought.

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

And I think we will leave it there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well done guys for creating another prejudice and exclusive culture in the uk... you couples know who you are!!!!

I WOULD CALL THAT AN INSULT ^^^^^^^^^^^

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By *picyspiregirlCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

As part of a mixed race couple I have to say that we have never encountered any problems of this nature at a club.

We wish you luck for the future. Relax and enjoy.

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