FabSwingers.com forum: Sexless marriage what's the point Grrrrrrrrr

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Before I get loads of abuse about this post.... We're all on this site for our own reasons

Sexless marriage is a killer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't have sex with my ex for 8 tears before we split

you have two choices, stay or go, only you can decide

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With my first marriage we didn't consummate it until at least 6 weeks later.

And after 10yrs we ended up in sleeping in separate rooms.

For us it was far too young to live like that....And had to move on !! Ruby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"With my first marriage we didn't consummate it until at least 6 weeks later.

And after 10yrs we ended up in sleeping in separate rooms.

For us it was far too young to live like that....And had to move on !! Ruby

I was like that, for the last three years we had separate bedrooms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you spoken to your wife about this? There could be other underlying issues that may need to be addressed.

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto

Were you not aware of her sex drive BEFORE you got married? Or did it diminish after you tied the knot?

Cos if it was the former....well.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"With my first marriage we didn't consummate it until at least 6 weeks later.

And after 10yrs we ended up in sleeping in separate rooms.

For us it was far too young to live like that....And had to move on !! Ruby

"
we've two young and great kids thou and can't see how I could ever hurt them and move out.

My reply is bound to get the hate mail going so be gentle

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Were you not aware of her sex drive BEFORE you got married? Or did it diminish after you tied the knot?

Cos if it was the former....well....."
its the latter unfortunately

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto

"Were you not aware of her sex drive BEFORE you got married? Or did it diminish after you tied the knot?

Cos if it was the former....well..... its the latter unfortunately"

In that case, my sympathies. Maybe talk to her and try counselling? If you've had kids, that can have an effect on women for a whole host of reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lack of sex tends to be a symptom of other ailments in the relationship. You should discuss it with her and possibly seek professional help. Alternatively pls consider that things may be over or she may have found someone else.

Either way, hope you sort it out.

Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

talk about it..is all anyone can do when with someone. communication is only way to let someone know how u feel and also how they feel if problems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"With my first marriage we didn't consummate it until at least 6 weeks later.

And after 10yrs we ended up in sleeping in separate rooms.

For us it was far too young to live like that....And had to move on !! Ruby

we've two young and great kids thou and can't see how I could ever hurt them and move out.

My reply is bound to get the hate mail going so be gentle

I was the same, had I not had kids I would have left my ex many years before I did, I think what your going thro happens to often and your not alone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"talk about it..is all anyone can do when with someone. communication is only way to let someone know how u feel and also how they feel if problems

Indeed and as the poster said, don't be afraid to seek professional help (relationship councillor).

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"talk about it..is all anyone can do when with someone. communication is only way to let someone know how u feel and also how they feel if problems

Indeed and as the poster said, don't be afraid to seek professional help (relationship councillor). "
thanks pal, something to consider, just need to drag her away from her desk, she's a workaholic and works from home

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By *ngel n tedCouple
over a year ago

maidstone

Perhaps you could offer to sort a single profile for her on here.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Perhaps you could offer to sort a single profile for her on here......."
and why should he do that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A friend told me when I was unhappy with my relationship with my ex "only a bad relationship has to be workes on, good ones just come easy" and with those words I decided to split up with her, I would be lying ifI said it was hard to be wwithout my son but when I do see him I am so much more keen to make sure he has the happiest times when he is with me and I can put a lot more effort in to it. Each relationship is different though and only you can make a decision like this. I really feel for you, its not easy. If you ever feel you want a stranger to talk to feel free to get in touch

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By * n zCouple
over a year ago

leamington spa

Unfortunately people change over time, what's important is is the love still there, cos if it is its worth having a go at trying to save what you have......if not then move on and give yourself and your oh a chance of happiness cos you only get one life and we don't get any younger...........

Best if luck xx

A ( fem)

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By *iganflirtMan
over a year ago

wigan

"Before I get loads of abuse about this post.... We're all on this site for our own reasons

Sexless marriage is a killer

Mate I am with you all the way on this 1 tried everything recently to spice things up all to no avail. Booked nice hotel rooms, spent £150 in Ann summers, left little erotic notes all round the room. And still nothing ! You end up feeling useless & insecure

not sure what more to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A friend told me when I was unhappy with my relationship with my ex "only a bad relationship has to be workes on, good ones just come easy" and with those words I decided to split up with her, I would be lying ifI said it was hard to be wwithout my son but when I do see him I am so much more keen to make sure he has the happiest times when he is with me and I can put a lot more effort in to it. Each relationship is different though and only you can make a decision like this. I really feel for you, its not easy. If you ever feel you want a stranger to talk to feel free to get in touch"

All relationships need to be worked on by both sides, nothing worth having is easy.

Sadly most relationships go through hard times but if you put the time and effort in hopefully you should come through those times even stronger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately people change over time, what's important is is the love still there, cos if it is its worth having a go at trying to save what you have......if not then move on and give yourself and your oh a chance of happiness cos you only get one life and we don't get any younger...........

Best if luck xx

A ( fem)"

She might have gone off sex entirely or she may just not want sex with you. I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just a fact.

If a sexless marriage doesn't work for you then you need to find an answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't have sex with my ex for 8 tears before we split

you have two choices, stay or go, only you can decide "

Or talk to your wife? Go to counselling?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All relationships need to be worked on by both sides, nothing worth having is easy.

Sadly most relationships go through hard times but if you put the time and effort in hopefully you should come through those times even stronger."

This! If you love each other you will make it work, if there is no love anymore no point staying in the relationship as will only cause resentment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Perhaps you could offer to sort a single profile for her on here....... and why should he do that

Cos she can hv her own fun as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Before I get loads of abuse about this post.... We're all on this site for our own reasons

Sexless marriage is a killer

not sure what more to do.

Sometimes it could be little day to day things that put you off. I used to get upset if hubby didn't help me clear up the kitchen after dinner and then refuse to have sex as a way of punishing him.

Women's sexuality is very close connected to feelings and thoughts so if something is upsetting or annoying her, she will not be in the mood for sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't have sex with my ex for 8 tears before we split

you have two choices, stay or go, only you can decide

Or talk to your wife? Go to counselling?"

im guessing they have already spoken about it, most couples talk to each other on a daily basis, im sure they don't live in a silent marriage, yet hes still on here and their marriage still isn't want he wants

Sometimes people just drift apart, and sometimes we have to accept its over if we don't want to live a life we're not happy with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As has already been said you need to talk to your wife.The trouble is too many married men and women come on a site like this behind their partners back first to satisfy their needs. Surely talking should come first !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As has already been said you need to talk to your wife.The trouble is too many married men and women come on a site like this behind their partners back first to satisfy their needs. Surely talking should come first !!!"

with the greatest of respect how do you know they havnt already talked, how do you know that he's not made the effort and just got to the point he's given up?

some people do just go off sex, its not always a case of have a chat and things will be sorted, you can only try for so long before you realise your banging your head against a brick wall, how long do you make the effort and try to fix things before you admit defeat?

maybe he has done all he can already

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Before I get loads of abuse about this post.... We're all on this site for our own reasons

Sexless marriage is a killer

not sure what more to do.

That's exactly how I feel.. !

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By *unguy_4_uMan
over a year ago

Kettering

" Ruby

we've two young and great kids thou and can't see how I could ever hurt them and move out.

My reply is bound to get the hate mail going so be gentle

I think you'd be surprised at how may people are in the same position as you, and I'll no doubt he opening myself up to a load of abuse but..

Speaking from experience, sometimes everything about the relationship is 100% right (love, soulmates, kids etc etc) apart from an in-balance in sex drive's.

So I guess there's 3 choices;

1. Live with situation and the frustration that's bound to build up

2. Leave and find somebody that's sexually compatible (that you may not love as much as your original partner)

3. Find an outlet for your sexual frustration and keep the good parts of your marriage in balance

Good luck!

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By *iftygreyshadesMan
over a year ago

Aberaeron

So true

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By *lanwoodMan
over a year ago

Alton

" Ruby

we've two young and great kids thou and can't see how I could ever hurt them and move out.

My reply is bound to get the hate mail going so be gentle

I think you'd be surprised at how may people are in the same position as you, and I'll no doubt he opening myself up to a load of abuse but..

Speaking from experience, sometimes everything about the relationship is 100% right (love, soulmates, kids etc etc) apart from an in-balance in sex drive's.

So I guess there's 3 choices;

1. Live with situation and the frustration that's bound to build up

2. Leave and find somebody that's sexually compatible (that you may not love as much as your original partner)

3. Find an outlet for your sexual frustration and keep the good parts of your marriage in balance

Good luck!

I opted for the third option (and will probably be slaughtered for it too). All the talking in the world didn't change the imbalance and refusal to compromise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

with the greatest of respect how do you know they havnt already talked, how do you know that he's not made the effort and just got to the point he's given up?

maybe he has done all he can already

I hear what you are saying and yes i agree. But surely is it not better to evaluate the situation your in and if you decide you cant live with it, then it's time to move on and not just join a swinging site behind a partners back. Eventually you will get caught and cause a lot more hurt than had you have been open and honest in the first place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can not really give any better advice than has already given. You need to try professional help if your partners sex drive has radically Changed could well be an underlining issue, if this doesn't work then I can only suggest putting your cards on the table, if you still lover her then tell her this but also say that you need sex suggest swinging or dare I say escorts. If she will not go for this then you really do have only 2 choices stay with her and live without sex or leave. Doing this behind her back will only end in heartbreak for the both of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can not really give any better advice than has already given. You need to try professional help if your partners sex drive has radically Changed could well be an underlining issue, if this doesn't work then I can only suggest putting your cards on the table, if you still lover her then tell her this but also say that you need sex suggest swinging or dare I say escorts. If she will not go for this then you really do have only 2 choices stay with her and live without sex or leave. Doing this behind her back will only end in heartbreak for the both of you."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Ruby

we've two young and great kids thou and can't see how I could ever hurt them and move out.

My reply is bound to get the hate mail going so be gentle

I think you'd be surprised at how may people are in the same position as you, and I'll no doubt he opening myself up to a load of abuse but..

Speaking from experience, sometimes everything about the relationship is 100% right (love, soulmates, kids etc etc) apart from an in-balance in sex drive's.

So I guess there's 3 choices;

1. Live with situation and the frustration that's bound to build up

2. Leave and find somebody that's sexually compatible (that you may not love as much as your original partner)

3. Find an outlet for your sexual frustration and keep the good parts of your marriage in balance

Good luck!

Cheers pal, guess its number 3 until and hopefully number 1 gets better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Ruby

we've two young and great kids thou and can't see how I could ever hurt them and move out.

My reply is bound to get the hate mail going so be gentle

I think you'd be surprised at how may people are in the same position as you, and I'll no doubt he opening myself up to a load of abuse but..

Speaking from experience, sometimes everything about the relationship is 100% right (love, soulmates, kids etc etc) apart from an in-balance in sex drive's.

So I guess there's 3 choices;

1. Live with situation and the frustration that's bound to build up

2. Leave and find somebody that's sexually compatible (that you may not love as much as your original partner)

3. Find an outlet for your sexual frustration and keep the good parts of your marriage in balance

Good luck!

Cheers pal, guess its number 3 until and hopefully number 1 gets better

Your choice mate but as I said in an earlier post if you go down that route it will only end in heartache and when she finds out which she will eventually you will end up parting ways and in a very bad way, good luck in what ever you choose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people just don't like lots of sex. Sex does not make a good marriage, it's a whole host of other things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some people just don't like lots of sex. Sex does not make a good marriage, it's a whole host of other things"

Totally agree but cheating breaks a marriage always

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

I decided to look for NSA fun behind his back, could not go through with it and felt very ashamed for trying.

Found a new hobby/past time instead to take my mind off sex, which put me in the path of my late partner that provided the much needed sparks in my life, which included sexual needs as well as emotional attachment etc...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All relationships need to be worked on by both sides, nothing worth having is easy.

Sadly most relationships go through hard times but if you put the time and effort in hopefully you should come through those times even stronger.

This! If you love each other you will make it work, if there is no love anymore no point staying in the relationship as will only cause resentment."

And will it work when she finds out he's on here. Sorry if you truly loved your wife you'd be at counselling or talking to each other already, not on a site looking for sex, which I presume you are doing without her knowledge.

Yes kids are involved and I appreciate you don't want to hurt them, but plenty kids grow up perfectly happy from broken marriage, as long as you keep up contact/have kids often no reason they would be unhappy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am not judging you for being on here - I went almost 6 years with no sex from my hub - we have a child so just leaving wasn't an option for me. Or I didn't think it was.

I think to a certain extent the children excuse is a cop out. A sexless marriage is a dead marriage and what kind of example is that to show your kids? It kills the marriage and eventually you too.

Make exit plans...think it through clearly. And then just do it - I finally did and I'm happier now than I've ever been. Life is too short to be in a marriage with no intimacy, no fucking, no fun...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I also want to say that love is most certainly not enough. I still love my ex, always will. But when the person withholding sex for whatever reason can't or won't engage it's a lost cause and no matter how much you love them you will just grow to resent them and fall out of love anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi friend

I've been on both sides, ie where I've not wanted sex and where my partner hadn't -two different relationships. I've got to say, sex isn't everything but it's the ultimate intimate act to show someone you love and care about them. I found that our the hard way. I personally would try to work it out, you may well regret it.

Just my penny's worth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/06/13 01:23:10]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In exactly the same boat so I know how it is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Am not judging you for being on here - I went almost 6 years with no sex from my hub - we have a child so just leaving wasn't an option for me. Or I didn't think it was.

I think to a certain extent the children excuse is a cop out. A sexless marriage is a dead marriage and what kind of example is that to show your kids? It kills the marriage and eventually you too.

Make exit plans...think it through clearly. And then just do it - I finally did and I'm happier now than I've ever been. Life is too short to be in a marriage with no intimacy, no fucking, no fun..."

Sexless marriages aren't necessarily dead. Not everyone thinks about sex 24/7.

The issue is when one wants sex and the other doesn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I think you'd be surprised at how may people are in the same position as you, and I'll no doubt he opening myself up to a load of abuse but..

Speaking from experience, sometimes everything about the relationship is 100% right (love, soulmates, kids etc etc) apart from an in-balance in sex drive's.

So I guess there's 3 choices;

1. Live with situation and the frustration that's bound to build up

2. Leave and find somebody that's sexually compatible (that you may not love as much as your original partner)

3. Find an outlet for your sexual frustration and keep the good parts of your marriage in balance

Good luck!

I agree. If every aspect of the marriage is good apart from sex, and you have tried, why smash it for the sake of a bit of physical relief?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Am not judging you for being on here - I went almost 6 years with no sex from my hub - we have a child so just leaving wasn't an option for me. Or I didn't think it was.

I think to a certain extent the children excuse is a cop out. A sexless marriage is a dead marriage and what kind of example is that to show your kids? It kills the marriage and eventually you too.

Make exit plans...think it through clearly. And then just do it - I finally did and I'm happier now than I've ever been. Life is too short to be in a marriage with no intimacy, no fucking, no fun...

Sexless marriages aren't necessarily dead. Not everyone thinks about sex 24/7.

The issue is when one wants sex and the other doesn't."

I do understand the definition of sexless marriage having been in one for many years. And it has nothing to do with thinking about sex 24/7, that's a ridiculous comment.

Sex is not a huge part of a marriage unless its missing. Then it becomes huge...and even when everything else seems right you will grow resentful if that is missing. Outsourcing is an option but cheating isn't for everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think the most time we have been without sex is about 3 months.

to me its not much of a mariage without some sort of sex, even if its just my hubby watching me use my toy, then me giving him a hand job.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Before I get loads of abuse about this post.... We're all on this site for our own reasons

Sexless marriage is a killer

"
killer no ....... For some Sex is not high on their wishlist , Family , home, money, friendship, are . Some don't have high sex drives .. its just life not everyones the same ,

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By *ohjaneCouple
over a year ago

south staffs

OP if your wife went on the pill after having the kids, it might be that which switched off her libido ?

Try talking with her about changing the method of contraception and give it 3-4 months to see if it comes back.

I can suggest The Billings Method which involves no drugs at all.

Jane x

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By *ap AdgeMan
over a year ago

Wirral

Its a terrible. Situation I can never understand sexless relationships because. Good sex is healthy you could. You not happy and want a few days away by yourself. I did that because my ex was more interested in drinking a bottle of wine every night so sex went off the agenda when I got back I ended it. Ask yourself would you ever hold back from sex. No would be you answer good luck

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"talk about it..is all anyone can do when with someone. communication is only way to let someone know how u feel and also how they feel if problems

Indeed and as the poster said, don't be afraid to seek professional help (relationship councillor). thanks pal, something to consider, just need to drag her away from her desk, she's a workaholic and works from home "

So you have two young children, your wife is a workaholic, she works from home, you, by your own admission are highly sexed so are here seeking to fulfill your needs...between your gym visits!

Good for you, selfish bitch should learn to multitask. Should hitch up her skirt and spread her legs to let you fuck her while she's typing!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Before I get loads of abuse about this post.... We're all on this site for our own reasons

Sexless marriage is a killer

not sure what more to do.

Join a swinging site and have sex with strangers...that'll teach her!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Make exit plans...think it through clearly. And then just do it - I finally did and I'm happier now than I've ever been. Life is too short to be in a marriage with no intimacy, no fucking, no fun..."

Exactly what I did! I had no intention of being a single mum with three young children. It was my plan to be out and in my new home by the time my youngest started secondary school in September 2003: completion date of my house was April 2003!

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By *ngel n tedCouple
over a year ago

maidstone

"talk about it..is all anyone can do when with someone. communication is only way to let someone know how u feel and also how they feel if problems

So you have two young children, your wife is a workaholic, she works from home, you, by your own admission are highly sexed so are here seeking to fulfill your needs...between your gym visits!

Good for you, selfish bitch should learn to multitask. Should hitch up her skirt and spread her legs to let you fuck her while she's typing!

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By *ngel n tedCouple
over a year ago

maidstone

"Before I get loads of abuse about this post.... We're all on this site for our own reasons

Sexless marriage is a killer

not sure what more to do.

Join a swinging site and have sex with strangers...that'll teach her!"

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