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Life is too short to be unhappy, just my 6ps worth x | |||
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"Cheating is wrong, pure and simple. You can qualify and justify all you want, it's just self delusion. If you don't want that person and want someone else, man up and tell them. " I think you have missed the point I am making. I am not qualifying or justifying anything! Just wondering if other peoples opinions they make on the subject come from personal experience or not? | |||
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"Agree with many of you about not judging and generalising. Reminds me of something my dad once told me. Great advice. ... "Never speak ill of a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes. ....then say wtf you like as loudly as you want to. They're a mile away and have no shoes!!" " I like that, dads are wise | |||
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"Cheating is wrong, pure and simple. You can qualify and justify all you want, it's just self delusion. If you don't want that person and want someone else, man up and tell them. " Ask them to change and they can't ! Won't ! .... So its cause and affect!! ... I know my hubby would rather I was still here ! Under whatever circumstances !! But I also know he would not want to know and rather live in denial ! Its not cut and dry !! And looking at it from the other side ... If I could not give him what he wanted then I would be pleased he found it somewhere else ! But I would not want to know the details ! | |||
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 but keep posting, will look forward to reading more on my return | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on." Love = honesty | |||
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"Cheating is wrong, pure and simple. You can qualify and justify all you want, it's just self delusion. If you don't want that person and want someone else, man up and tell them. Ask them to change and they can't ! Won't ! .... So its cause and affect!! ... I know my hubby would rather I was still here ! Under whatever circumstances !! But I also know he would not want to know and rather live in denial ! Its not cut and dry !! And looking at it from the other side ... If I could not give him what he wanted then I would be pleased he found it somewhere else ! But I would not want to know the details ! " spot on! | |||
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" I do not have any issues with how people live their own lives, as long as they do not try and justify their actions to me, or to seek sympathy or compassion, etc... They are adults and can make their own decisions, knowing whether it is right or wrong. They have to look at themselves in the mirror, not me. What narks me the most is that, it is always the fault(s) of their other halves, and they are the victims, la di da. Face up to your own responsibilities in the breakup of a relationship, as it really does take 2 to Tango! "I agree, I don't care how anyone else lives their life, the reasons behind what they do etc etc until they try and justify it or try and involve me | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. Love = honesty" I disagree! My gf knows what I do, but the more honest I am, the more it hurts her and the more unloving it seems to be. She prefers me to just get on with it in the hope that ill stop on my own I think.
That does make me feel bad sometimes though. | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. Love = honesty I disagree! My gf knows what I do, but the more honest I am, the more it hurts her and the more unloving it seems to be. She prefers me to just get on with it in the hope that ill stop on my own I think.
That does make me feel bad sometimes though."Your relationship, your call. But your use of the words "I think" in connection with how she feels say a lot. | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. Love = honesty I disagree! My gf knows what I do, but the more honest I am, the more it hurts her and the more unloving it seems to be. She prefers me to just get on with it in the hope that ill stop on my own I think.
That does make me feel bad sometimes though.
Your relationship, your call. But your use of the words "I think" in connection with how she feels say a lot."The reason why I say 'I think' is because its not easy to talk to her about it. She will not open up about the subject and whenever I try to talk about it, she goes weird. Is love to talk about it with her but she won't. She just says, 'I don't want to talk about it', or 'don't tell me'. What other option have I got when I don't know for sure? 'I think' is as good as it gets unfortunately! | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. Love = honesty I disagree! My gf knows what I do, but the more honest I am, the more it hurts her and the more unloving it seems to be. She prefers me to just get on with it in the hope that ill stop on my own I think.
That does make me feel bad sometimes though.
Your relationship, your call. But your use of the words "I think" in connection with how she feels say a lot.
The reason why I say 'I think' is because its not easy to talk to her about it. She will not open up about the subject and whenever I try to talk about it, she goes weird.
Is love to talk about it with her but she won't. She just says, 'I don't want to talk about it', or 'don't tell me'.
What other option have I got when I don't know for sure? 'I think' is as good as it gets unfortunately!
"You do know for sure, her reactions are telling you it upsets her...your choice as I say but if I was her and you carried on doing something that was hurting me I'd walk and not look back | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. Love = honesty I disagree! My gf knows what I do, but the more honest I am, the more it hurts her and the more unloving it seems to be. She prefers me to just get on with it in the hope that ill stop on my own I think.
That does make me feel bad sometimes though.
Your relationship, your call. But your use of the words "I think" in connection with how she feels say a lot.
The reason why I say 'I think' is because its not easy to talk to her about it. She will not open up about the subject and whenever I try to talk about it, she goes weird.
Is love to talk about it with her but she won't. She just says, 'I don't want to talk about it', or 'don't tell me'.
What other option have I got when I don't know for sure? 'I think' is as good as it gets unfortunately!
You do know for sure, her reactions are telling you it upsets her...your choice as I say but if I was her and you carried on doing something that was hurting me I'd walk and not look back"Her reactions don't tell me anything though, I'm just confused by her reactions. I can only guess what she's thinking and why because it seems that she isn't mature enough to talk to me about it.
But she wont leave me. We love eachother very much. I'd understand if she did want to.
I don't know, its difficult. there's more to it. Both of us have had very closed minded upbringings and for me, for some reason, I find it difficult to stop this!
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. Love = honesty I disagree! My gf knows what I do, but the more honest I am, the more it hurts her and the more unloving it seems to be. She prefers me to just get on with it in the hope that ill stop on my own I think.
That does make me feel bad sometimes though.
Your relationship, your call. But your use of the words "I think" in connection with how she feels say a lot.
The reason why I say 'I think' is because its not easy to talk to her about it. She will not open up about the subject and whenever I try to talk about it, she goes weird.
Is love to talk about it with her but she won't. She just says, 'I don't want to talk about it', or 'don't tell me'.
What other option have I got when I don't know for sure? 'I think' is as good as it gets unfortunately!
"Oh my god. You really genuinely believe that because you've told her it's OK? You've told her, you KNOW it's hurting her and you still do it? Selfish doesn't even begin to describe this situation. What a catch she has there!
Having said that, she has to take some responsibility for being walked all over.
*Her* | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. Love = honesty I disagree! My gf knows what I do, but the more honest I am, the more it hurts her and the more unloving it seems to be. She prefers me to just get on with it in the hope that ill stop on my own I think.
That does make me feel bad sometimes though.
Your relationship, your call. But your use of the words "I think" in connection with how she feels say a lot.
The reason why I say 'I think' is because its not easy to talk to her about it. She will not open up about the subject and whenever I try to talk about it, she goes weird.
Is love to talk about it with her but she won't. She just says, 'I don't want to talk about it', or 'don't tell me'.
What other option have I got when I don't know for sure? 'I think' is as good as it gets unfortunately!
Oh my god. You really genuinely believe that because you've told her it's OK?
You've told her, you KNOW it's hurting her and you still do it? Selfish doesn't even begin to describe this situation.
What a catch she has there!
Having said that, she has to take some responsibility for being walked all over.
*Her*"No, I don't think its ok. I don't even know why I do it. I just get very lusty and I just do it. I don't know that it hurts her? I know that she goes weird when I try to talk to her about it. | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. Love = honesty I disagree! My gf knows what I do, but the more honest I am, the more it hurts her and the more unloving it seems to be. She prefers me to just get on with it in the hope that ill stop on my own I think.
That does make me feel bad sometimes though.
Your relationship, your call. But your use of the words "I think" in connection with how she feels say a lot.
The reason why I say 'I think' is because its not easy to talk to her about it. She will not open up about the subject and whenever I try to talk about it, she goes weird.
Is love to talk about it with her but she won't. She just says, 'I don't want to talk about it', or 'don't tell me'.
What other option have I got when I don't know for sure? 'I think' is as good as it gets unfortunately!
Oh my god. You really genuinely believe that because you've told her it's OK?
You've told her, you KNOW it's hurting her and you still do it? Selfish doesn't even begin to describe this situation.
What a catch she has there!
Having said that, she has to take some responsibility for being walked all over.
*Her*
No, I don't think its ok. I don't even know why I do it. I just get very lusty and I just do it.
I don't know that it hurts her? I know that she goes weird when I try to talk to her about it.
"Do you not think her going weird is a signal that you are in fact hurting her? If she was ok with it then she wouldn't have a problem talking to you about it | |||
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"It's also worth mentioning, the disparity between men & women on a site like this - men are the lowest form of life on here and if they're attached and playing around, it's deemed to be unacceptable, but if a woman on here is doing the same thing, it seems to be OK. Very very true, I put on a forum how to get a girl into swinging, its a fuck buddy but she knows nothing about all of this. I had people kicking off at me practically. Equality is off the menu on here. Cheating is clearly not good, and the Internet has made is much easier for people to do it. Being in an open relationship however..." | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. Love = honesty I disagree! My gf knows what I do, but the more honest I am, the more it hurts her and the more unloving it seems to be. She prefers me to just get on with it in the hope that ill stop on my own I think.
That does make me feel bad sometimes though.
Your relationship, your call. But your use of the words "I think" in connection with how she feels say a lot.
The reason why I say 'I think' is because its not easy to talk to her about it. She will not open up about the subject and whenever I try to talk about it, she goes weird.
Is love to talk about it with her but she won't. She just says, 'I don't want to talk about it', or 'don't tell me'.
What other option have I got when I don't know for sure? 'I think' is as good as it gets unfortunately!
Oh my god. You really genuinely believe that because you've told her it's OK?
You've told her, you KNOW it's hurting her and you still do it? Selfish doesn't even begin to describe this situation.
What a catch she has there!
Having said that, she has to take some responsibility for being walked all over.
*Her*
No, I don't think its ok. I don't even know why I do it. I just get very lusty and I just do it.
I don't know that it hurts her? I know that she goes weird when I try to talk to her about it.
"You don't know why you do it? You poor thing helpless and unable to control yourself it must be awful. | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. Love = honesty I disagree! My gf knows what I do, but the more honest I am, the more it hurts her and the more unloving it seems to be. She prefers me to just get on with it in the hope that ill stop on my own I think.
That does make me feel bad sometimes though.
Your relationship, your call. But your use of the words "I think" in connection with how she feels say a lot.
The reason why I say 'I think' is because its not easy to talk to her about it. She will not open up about the subject and whenever I try to talk about it, she goes weird.
Is love to talk about it with her but she won't. She just says, 'I don't want to talk about it', or 'don't tell me'.
What other option have I got when I don't know for sure? 'I think' is as good as it gets unfortunately!
Oh my god. You really genuinely believe that because you've told her it's OK?
You've told her, you KNOW it's hurting her and you still do it? Selfish doesn't even begin to describe this situation.
What a catch she has there!
Having said that, she has to take some responsibility for being walked all over.
*Her*
No, I don't think its ok. I don't even know why I do it. I just get very lusty and I just do it.
I don't know that it hurts her? I know that she goes weird when I try to talk to her about it.
You don't know why you do it? You poor thing helpless and unable to control yourself it must be awful. " | |||
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"No, people go weird for many different reasons. Men go weird sometimes, it doesn't mean that they are hurt. It could be that they have a problem with what you've said or maybe they have a hangup about something. Lol, I obviously do have control over it to an extent." You keep believing that and justifying it to yourself and it will all be fine. You clearly know much more about how women show their displeasure than us women do. | |||
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"No, people go weird for many different reasons. Men go weird sometimes, it doesn't mean that they are hurt. It could be that they have a problem with what you've said or maybe they have a hangup about something. Lol, I obviously do have control over it to an extent. You keep believing that and justifying it to yourself and it will all be fine. You clearly know much more about how women show their displeasure than us women do." Look! Believe/justify what? I haven't claimed to know more about how women feel/think or whatever. I've been honest here, and I've answered from the heart. The things I've said here are true and accurate. I've not been extreme here. I cannot read feelings accurately without people saying/explaining. Why should i be able to? If somebody can talk about it, ill comprehend, if someone doesn't tell me, Ill likely not know what they're thinking. I honestly am not being funny. I'm being honest here. There's actually more to it also, there are reasons why people do the things they do. I'm not saying that what I do is correct, but I do it and I'm actually struggling to understand this myself. | |||
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"Wow such an emotive subject! Having just read another thread, I chose not to comment, not because I didn't have an opinion, but because so many others had already said what I would have said! Which was talk to your partner! So many people wade in and say its wrong wrong, don't agree etc, but how many have experience of it from both sides. I was with my hubby for 19 loyal years before I had an affair, I always had the opinion cheating is wrong. - never understood the people who said to me, I didn't go looking, it just happened! Until it happened to me. I am not going to go into what was wrong with my marriage or how it got to the point where it happened to me as no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and should not judge others until they have walked in their shoes. I don't condone serial cheating, if something isn't working then you should walk away. I look back and yes of course I regret some of my actions. But I also have an understanding of how sometimes you can be so unhappy for so long, but for one reason or another you can't talk to your partner! What I have learnt is never judge until you know all the facts, its ok to have an opinion, but remember base your opinions on experience. Oh and I have also been cheated on, I know this subject from both sides of the coin. " very well put | |||
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"Wow such an emotive subject! Having just read another thread, I chose not to comment, not because I didn't have an opinion, but because so many others had already said what I would have said! Which was talk to your partner! So many people wade in and say its wrong wrong, don't agree etc, but how many have experience of it from both sides. I was with my hubby for 19 loyal years before I had an affair, I always had the opinion cheating is wrong. - never understood the people who said to me, I didn't go looking, it just happened! Until it happened to me. I am not going to go into what was wrong with my marriage or how it got to the point where it happened to me as no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and should not judge others until they have walked in their shoes. I don't condone serial cheating, if something isn't working then you should walk away. I look back and yes of course I regret some of my actions. But I also have an understanding of how sometimes you can be so unhappy for so long, but for one reason or another you can't talk to your partner! What I have learnt is never judge until you know all the facts, its ok to have an opinion, but remember base your opinions on experience. Oh and I have also been cheated on, I know this subject from both sides of the coin. very well put"Thank you! | |||
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"No, people go weird for many different reasons. Men go weird sometimes, it doesn't mean that they are hurt. It could be that they have a problem with what you've said or maybe they have a hangup about something. Lol, I obviously do have control over it to an extent. You keep believing that and justifying it to yourself and it will all be fine. You clearly know much more about how women show their displeasure than us women do. Look! Believe/justify what? I haven't claimed to know more about how women feel/think or whatever. I've been honest here, and I've answered from the heart. The things I've said here are true and accurate. I've not been extreme here. I cannot read feelings accurately without people saying/explaining. Why should i be able to? If somebody can talk about it, ill comprehend, if someone doesn't tell me, Ill likely not know what they're thinking. I honestly am not being funny. I'm being honest here. There's actually more to it also, there are reasons why people do the things they do. I'm not saying that what I do is correct, but I do it and I'm actually struggling to understand this myself." Wow I go to tesco's and people and their strong opinions wade in again and change what the topic is about! Thankyou hun for your honest contribution. Please don't feel like you have to justify yourself to anyone on this thread. Only you here knows what is going on behind the scenes. It would be really cool if we could keep to topic. It seems most people here have personal experience in one way or the other about cheating and thank you to everyone who is contributing, but please let's try and keep this to a mature discussion with no one feeling like they are being attacked! | |||
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"Cheating is wrong, pure and simple. You can qualify and justify all you want, it's just self delusion. If you don't want that person and want someone else, man up and tell them. " not always that easy, what about women who are in abusive relationships? they maybe looking for someone else as a way out, its ok saying man up and tell them but what if maning up gets you a beating? I stayed with my ex for years because of my kids, everytime I tried to leave him they would cry, I packed and unpacked my bags so many times because I couldn't drag them out the house crying for their daddy, so because I ddnt want to take them away from their dad I put down what I wanted for them, because that's what we do as parents. it wasn't till they was only we split up A relationship break up isn't about two people its a whole family Walking away from a relationship isn't always that easy, if only life was all clouds and butterflies like some seem to think it is | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. Love = honesty I disagree! My gf knows what I do, but the more honest I am, the more it hurts her and the more unloving it seems to be. She prefers me to just get on with it in the hope that ill stop on my own I think.
That does make me feel bad sometimes though.
Your relationship, your call. But your use of the words "I think" in connection with how she feels say a lot.
The reason why I say 'I think' is because its not easy to talk to her about it. She will not open up about the
subject and whenever I try to talk about
it, she goes weird.
Is love to talk about it with her but she won't. She just says, 'I don't want to talk about it', or 'don't tell me'.
What other option have I got when I
don't know for sure? 'I think' is as good
as it gets unfortunately!
Oh my god. You really genuinely believe that because you've told her it's
OK?
You've told her, you KNOW it's hurting her and you still do it? Selfish doesn't even begin to describe this situation.
What a catch she has there!
Having said that, she has to take some
responsibility for being walked all over.
*Her*
No, I don't think its ok. I don't even
know why I do it. I just get very lusty
and I just do it.
I don't know that it hurts her? I know that she goes weird when I try to talk to her about it.
You don't know why you do it? You poor thing helpless and unable to control yourself it must be awful. "Lmao | |||
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"Agree with many of you about not judging and generalising. Reminds me of something my dad once told me. Great advice. ... "Never speak ill of a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes. ....then say wtf you like as loudly as you want to. They're a mile away and have no shoes!!"
I like that, dads are wise "Yes they are, and grandads are even wiser. | |||
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"No, people go weird for many different reasons. Men go weird sometimes, it doesn't mean that they are hurt. It could be that they have a problem with what you've said or maybe they have a hangup about something. Lol, I obviously do have control over it to an extent. You keep believing that and justifying it to yourself and it will all be fine. You clearly know much more about how women show their displeasure than us women do. Look! Believe/justify what? I haven't claimed to know more about how women feel/think or whatever. I've been honest here, and I've answered from the heart. The things I've said here are true and accurate. I've not been extreme here. I cannot read feelings accurately without people saying/explaining. Why should i be able to? If somebody can talk about it, ill comprehend, if someone doesn't tell me, Ill likely not know what they're thinking. I honestly am not being funny. I'm being honest here. There's actually more to it also, there are reasons why people do the things they do. I'm not saying that what I do is correct, but I do it and I'm actually struggling to understand this myself. Wow I go to tesco's and people and their strong opinions wade in again and change what the topic is about! Thankyou hun for your honest contribution. Please don't feel like you have to justify yourself to anyone on this thread. Only you here knows what is going on behind the scenes. It would be really cool if we could keep to topic. It seems most people here have personal experience in one way or the other about cheating and thank you to everyone who is contributing, but please let's try and keep this to a mature discussion with no one feeling like they are being attacked! "This is an open forum and starting a thread doesn't mean that you have any control over the drection it takes. I beleive this particular contributor is well able to argue his point. | |||
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"No, people go weird for many different reasons. Men go weird sometimes, it doesn't mean that they are hurt. It could be that they have a problem with what you've said or maybe they have a hangup about something. Lol, I obviously do have control over it to an extent. You keep believing that and justifying it to yourself and it will all be fine. You clearly know much more about how women show their displeasure than us women do. Look! Believe/justify what? I haven't claimed to know more about how women feel/think or whatever. I've been honest here, and I've answered from the heart. The things I've said here are true and accurate. I've not been extreme here. I cannot read feelings accurately without people saying/explaining. Why should i be able to? If somebody can talk about it, ill comprehend, if someone doesn't tell me, Ill likely not know what they're thinking. I honestly am not being funny. I'm being honest here. There's actually more to it also, there are reasons why people do the things they do. I'm not saying that what I do is correct, but I do it and I'm actually struggling to understand this myself." Like I say your relationship, your call! | |||
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" I don't know that it hurts her? I know that she goes weird when I try to talk to her about it. " Denial | |||
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" I don't know that it hurts her? I know that she goes weird when I try to talk to her about it. Denial " yep and it ain't the one in Egypt | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on." That is a contradictory statement surely. | |||
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" It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. That is a contradictory statement surely. " I think it is possible to love someone you have cheated on. I haven't personally been in this situation but know others who have and one of them has had an affair for whatever reason, the affair has been found out and it has made them re-examine their relationship, acknowledge the part they both played in the affair and their relationship has been stronger afterwards and both have realised how much they actually love each other. Lack of communication is usually at the base of it. | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. That is a contradictory statement surely. " loving someone and being in love with someone isn't the same, its possible to love your partner but not be inlove with them and want intimacy from else where | |||
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" Oh my god. You really genuinely believe that because you've told her it's OK? You've told her, you KNOW it's hurting her and you still do it? Selfish doesn't even begin to describe this situation. What a catch she has there!
Having said that, she has to take some responsibility for being walked all over.
*Her*"Exactly !! Its her choice !! She could leave ! But she would rather have things the way they are than not at all !! I'm in the same boat ! I could hurt my hubby and leave him ! Or make him talk to me about his short falls and that would also hurt him .... Because I have told him how I'm not happy and need more ! And he won't \ can't change !! So in my eyes that's his choice ! And because of that choice I'm supposed to be unhappy!!? Or discreetly find pleasure somewhere else !! | |||
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"I think it is possible to love someone you have cheated on. " I am labelled on here as a cheat but I still love my wife, to whom I have been married for 40 years. I have no intention of entering into the why's and wherefore's on a public thread like this but there is always a fundamental reason that may well differ from peoples' preconceptions or prejudices. | |||
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" Or discreetly find pleasure somewhere else !! " and there you have it in a nutshell, discretion. I've said it before I don't give a twopenny damn what people get up to until they start justifying themselves, asking others to back them up and trying to get me involved. If you're going to do it, get on with it and pay your partner the respect of keeping quiet. | |||
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"I always say I wouldn't knowingly help a guy cheat. But guys on here then send their pics and wow I forget my sensibilities " Yeah all the good looking ones are always taken lol | |||
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"I always say I wouldn't knowingly help a guy cheat. But guys on here then send their pics and wow I forget my sensibilities Yeah all the good looking ones are always taken lol" Aren't thry always?!? Not fair | |||
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"I always say I wouldn't knowingly help a guy cheat. But guys on here then send their pics and wow I forget my sensibilities Yeah all the good looking ones are always taken lol" Not all! | |||
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"I love the fact that im honest with dee yes totally! ...everything and anything I can tell him!..theres nothing left unsaid! No secrets no lies from my side!..can only speak for myself tho!..im clean tjat way!..smiles)) bambi.. "You are very lucky ! 
We don't all have that option | |||
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" It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. That is a contradictory statement surely. I think it is possible to love someone you have cheated on. I haven't personally been in this situation but know others who have and one of them has had an affair for whatever reason, the affair has been found out and it has made them re-examine their relationship, acknowledge the part they both played in the affair and their relationship has been stronger afterwards and both have realised how much they actually love each other. Lack of communication is usually at the base of it. " I agree with the lack of communication.The fact that it only came out once the offender (lack of a better word, apologies!) was caught shows that the other person's feelings were not taken into account until it became an issue. It's seems we're drawing a fine line between unhappiness and being lustful. | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. That is a contradictory statement surely. loving someone and being in love with someone isn't the same, its possible to love your partner but not be inlove with them and want intimacy from else where " But with this in mind, love is wanting to be around and with that person, so how does seeking intimacy elsewhere then become a factor? | |||
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"some of us like me for example dont like cheaters cos of the pain it causes my bullying controlling hubby cheated on me last year and dumped me for the bitch she knew he was married as we met her thru swinging she was wi a guy but she never told my hubby to get lost as he chased and chased after her. this has destroyed me and i dont know if i will ever get over what he did." I am truly sorry for what you have been through. You say he was bullying and controlling. I think if it had been me I would be quite glad he had gone. As much as he has caused you excruciating pain, but maybe you have had a lucky escape x | |||
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"I love the fact that im honest with dee yes totally! ...everything and anything I can tell him!..theres nothing left unsaid! No secrets no lies from my side!..can only speak for myself tho!..im clean tjat way!..smiles)) bambi..
You are very lucky !
We don't all have that option "I am lucky that way, but I just think why should I hold back from the true person that I am..It was a diffrent story in 10 relationship I was in once. I vowed that if & when I started a new one id be me thats all I ever wanted to be with the person that I was with!..my life sentance was served living with a man that had total control over me!..I have freedom now with dee and i respect him so much and I also value what I never had before x | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. That is a contradictory statement surely. loving someone and being in love with someone isn't the same, its possible to love your partner but not be inlove with them and want intimacy from else where But with this in mind, love is wanting to be around and with that person, so how does seeking intimacy elsewhere then become a factor?" all because you love your partner does not mean you want to have sex with them One example and im using this from personal experience When I got married I was a size 10, over the years and with each child I had I gained weight, over the 16 years I was with my ex I had had 3 kids and gone upto a size 18, and have a saggy belly that's covered in stretch marks tho he still loved me he no longer found me attractive, he'd tell me that regular, so he sought sex else where as he didn't want it with me Which is what I ment by you can love someone but not be in love with them, so seek intimacy else where sex and love don't always go hand in hand you can love someone and not want sex with them and no love someone have sex with | |||
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 There is such a thing as self respect and discretion! | |||
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" No, I don't think its ok. I don't even know why I do it. I just get very lusty and I just do it. I don't know that it hurts her? I know that she goes weird when I try to talk to her about it. "  | |||
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"[Removed by poster at 23/06/13 15:38:29]" I'm sorry to hear that. That's horrible and I still don't feel that valid. In fact, that's just mean!
We're all going to sag and balloon in many different ways. "I don't find you sexually appealing but we'll have a kiss once in a while."
Struggling to see any love in this. | |||
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"some personal.. some not.... I saw what it did to my mum when she was cheated on by my dad... if you don't think children pick up on things like this.... they certainly do!!! I have seen what cheating has done to friends that have been on the receiving end... devastating.... I have had it done to me... the last thing I said to her when she wanted me to take her back was: "you certainly weren't thinking of me when you were bouncing up and down on his cock!" people think they are "bulletproof"... justify it by saying... "they are not like me because..." "oh but i am different because..." if the sex is really worth the risk... it doesn't say much about the state of the relationships in my opinion... " Thank you for sharing, we all have our own experiences that shape us and how we see things! Even though I have cheated myself, I don't agree with it, and if I could go back with the knowledge I have now I would go back and change things. Although I don't believe I would change it to still be with him as our relationship was very dead and had been for a long time before I cheated. I knew I didn't love him anymore if I had I would never have cheated! We live and learn! | |||
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" Or discreetly find pleasure somewhere else !! and there you have it in a nutshell, discretion. I've said it before I don't give a twopenny damn what people get up to until they start justifying themselves, asking others to back them up and trying to get me involved. If you're going to do it, get on with it and pay your partner the respect of keeping quiet. " | |||
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" I'm sorry to hear that. That's horrible and I still don't feel that valid. In fact, that's just mean!
We're all going to sag and balloon in many different ways. "I don't find you sexually appealing but we'll have a kiss once in a while."
Struggling to see any love in this. "we didn't even have a kiss every once in a while lol our relationship was fine besides the sex, we got on really well but we was more like friends than husband and wife as I said he loved me he just wasn't in love with me and there's a huge difference | |||
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" I'm sorry to hear that. That's horrible and I still don't feel that valid. In fact, that's just mean!
We're all going to sag and balloon in many different ways. "I don't find you sexually appealing but we'll have a kiss once in a while."
Struggling to see any love in this.
we didn't even have a kiss every once in a while lol
our relationship was fine besides the sex, we got on really well but we was more like friends than husband and wife
as I said he loved me he just wasn't in love with me and there's a huge difference"Me too. In fact, since we both retired, it feels a bit like our old dating days as we are getting on better than when we both still worked. But the sexual side is absent and I so wanted to experience the joy of being desired sexually. | |||
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"I've not read all the posts in this thread and I've not commented on other married / cheating threads either as everything I wanted to say had already been said by others. This thread is slightly different so to answer the OP, Yes I can speak from experience on both sides. I've been cheated on and I've also had an affair with a married man. Wrong I know but it happened. However, I didn't join a swinging site purposefully looking to cheat and I certainly wouldn't want to boast about it in an open Forum! I just can't work out why anyone would do such a thing There is such a thing as self respect and discretion! "I can relate to this: if someone has married on their profile it doesn't "bother" me, but threads bragging about cheating because their partner is dull and they're bored and want to try new things annoy me. Especially when you look at the profile and you see as I did earlier pics of a married man, displaying the cream pies he'd left behind in the pussies of various women, one of whom indulges in bare back gangbangs. Poor wife! | |||
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" I'm sorry to hear that. That's horrible and I still don't feel that valid. In fact, that's just mean!
We're all going to sag and balloon in many different ways. "I don't find you sexually appealing but we'll have a kiss once in a while."
Struggling to see any love in this.
we didn't even have a kiss every once in a while lol
our relationship was fine besides the sex, we got on really well but we was more like friends than husband and wife
as I said he loved me he just wasn't in love with me and there's a huge difference"I'd say you loved him a lot more than he loved you. I simply can't agree with that no matter how you put it. But I guess that's just me. | |||
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" Oh my god. You really genuinely believe that because you've told her it's OK? You've told her, you KNOW it's hurting her and you still do it? Selfish doesn't even begin to describe this situation. What a catch she has there!
Having said that, she has to take some responsibility for being walked all over.
*Her*
Exactly !! Its her choice !!
She could leave !
But she would rather have things the way they are than not at all !!
I'm in the same boat ! I could hurt my hubby and leave him ! Or make him talk to me about his short falls and that would also hurt him .... Because I have told him how I'm not happy and need more ! And he won't \ can't change !! So in my eyes that's his choice ! And because of that choice I'm supposed to be unhappy!!? Or discreetly find pleasure somewhere else !! "Justify it however you want if it helps you sleep at night but is NOT her choice nor your husbands to be cheated on. Some should grow some balls, admit that what they're doing is wrong ( and it is wrong, there's no denying that)and get the hell out of the relationship. Having cake & eating it comes to mind. A short sharp pain of you leaving would be preferable to the pain of having it done over and over and over and over again, i'm quite sure so don't try and kid us that you're staying for your spouses sake! *Her* | |||
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"I'd say you loved him a lot more than he loved you. " well when you look like this to have to catch any bone that's thrown to you  | |||
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"some personal.. some not.... I saw what it did to my mum when she was cheated on by my dad... if you don't think children pick up on things like this.... they certainly do!!! I have seen what cheating has done to friends that have been on the receiving end... devastating.... I have had it done to me... the last thing I said to her when she wanted me to take her back was: "you certainly weren't thinking of me when you were bouncing up and down on his cock!" people think they are "bulletproof"... justify it by saying... "they are not like me because..." "oh but i am different because..." if the sex is really worth the risk... it doesn't say much about the state of the relationships in my opinion... " | |||
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"I'd say you loved him a lot more than he loved you. well when you look like this to have to catch any bone that's thrown to you "Lol, Curves in all the right places from what I can see! | |||
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"I love the fact that im honest with dee yes totally! ...everything and anything I can tell him!..theres nothing left unsaid! No secrets no lies from my side!..can only speak for myself tho!..im clean tjat way!..smiles)) bambi..
You are very lucky !
We don't all have that option I am lucky that way, but I just think why should I hold back from the true person that I am..It was a diffrent story in 10 relationship I was in once. I vowed that if & when I started a new one id be me thats all I ever wanted to be with the person that I was with!..my life sentance was served living with a man that had total control over me!..I have freedom now with dee and i respect him so much and I also value what I never had before x"Wow lucky lucky lucky! You have exactly what I am looking for!! | |||
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"I've not read all the posts in this thread and I've not commented on other married / cheating threads either as everything I wanted to say had already been said by others. This thread is slightly different so to answer the OP, Yes I can speak from experience on both sides. I've been cheated on and I've also had an affair with a married man. Wrong I know but it happened. However, I didn't join a swinging site purposefully looking to cheat and I certainly wouldn't want to boast about it in an open Forum! I just can't work out why anyone would do such a thing There is such a thing as self respect and discretion! "I have not read about anyone boasting about it !! Just telling their stories ! How it affects them !! Not seen anything on here saying "I'm a cheater and love it!" Please correct me if I'm wrong ! (Which I'm sure u will lol) | |||
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"I've not read all the posts in this thread and I've not commented on other married / cheating threads either as everything I wanted to say had already been said by others. This thread is slightly different so to answer the OP, Yes I can speak from experience on both sides. I've been cheated on and I've also had an affair with a married man. Wrong I know but it happened. However, I didn't join a swinging site purposefully looking to cheat and I certainly wouldn't want to boast about it in an open Forum! I just can't work out why anyone would do such a thing There is such a thing as self respect and discretion! "I have seen a few posts on here where people are cheating and asking advice, I dont really see them as boasting about it though! They get a rough enough time for asking advice, if they were boasting I would hate to think what would happen to them. | |||
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" Oh my god. You really genuinely believe that because you've told her it's OK? You've told her, you KNOW it's hurting her and you still do it? Selfish doesn't even begin to describe this situation. What a catch she has there!
Having said that, she has to take some responsibility for being walked all over.
*Her*
Exactly !! Its her choice !!
She could leave !
But she would rather have things the way they are than not at all !!
I'm in the same boat ! I could hurt my hubby and leave him ! Or make him talk to me about his short falls and that would also hurt him .... Because I have told him how I'm not happy and need more ! And he won't \ can't change !! So in my eyes that's his choice ! And because of that choice I'm supposed to be unhappy!!? Or discreetly find pleasure somewhere else !!
Justify it however you want if it helps you sleep at night but is NOT her choice nor your husbands to be cheated on. Some should grow some balls, admit that what they're doing is wrong ( and it is wrong, there's no denying that)and get the hell out of the relationship.
Having cake & eating it comes to mind.
A short sharp pain of you leaving would be preferable to the pain of having it done over and over and over and over again, i'm quite sure so don't try and kid us that you're staying for your spouses sake!
*Her*"I'm not saying its right !! We all know its not right !!!!! But I know my hubby ! And I know he would rather have me here with him ! But thanks for your opinion | |||
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"cheating is wrong, simple. However, if you are in a relationship and you decide that, for whatever reason that's the course of action to take, that's up to you and your conscience. My main problem is with the guys (and sometimes women too) who do it as a "single". If you are attached, say so on your profile, so those of us who aren't mind readers can make our decisions with all the facts. "Yes I agree with that ! | |||
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"cheating is wrong, simple. However, if you are in a relationship and you decide that, for whatever reason that's the course of action to take, that's up to you and your conscience. My main problem is with the guys (and sometimes women too) who do it as a "single". If you are attached, say so on your profile, so those of us who aren't mind readers can make our decisions with all the facts. "I have. Twice. | |||
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"In my vanilla (pre-swinging) life I was unfortunately cheated on multiple times... it made me paranoid that I had "Mug" tattooed on my forehead. On example was a girl I dated just when I graduated.. basically after a year I found out her evening "gym" sessions was to see some guy (I found out when I stopped by her place she was sharing with female friends, .. I walked in and one of the girls called the OTHER guy's name thinking it was him that just arrived!) the silly thing was none of her friends told her off, instead told me "not to take it personally",.. "she's been a good girl all her life, he's just her bit of rough". Somehow as if that either made it better, or failing which I had no say in the debate. Sorry, but cheating is cheating... I don't have to walk a mile in anyone's shoes to know its indefensible, no matter the circumstances. If the relationship/circumstance one is in is so strong, my advice is to end it BEFORE embarking on anything with anyone else." That was horrible for you, and no her friends remarks, well just goes to show their maturity at the time! However my point about walking in someone else's shoes, is that all our experiences are different, and someone earlier said in some cases it is all about cause and affect. I read one story where one woman was being abused by her partner and had tried leaving etc. We all know cheating is wrong, but sometimes I look and hear stories and think do you know what I kind of understand why you did that. Some people are living in terrible situations with their partners and it is an escape, doesnt make it right I know. But the situations they are living in and how they have been treated to get to that point is not right either. Like another poster said earlier it takes 2 to tango! Again my point being, we all have different experiences and the situations we live in are not always that clear cut! | |||
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"No, people go weird for many different reasons. Men go weird sometimes, it doesn't mean that they are hurt. It could be that they have a problem with what you've said or maybe they have a hangup about something. Amen Lol, I obviously do have control over it to an extent. You keep believing that and justifying it to yourself and it will all be fine. You clearly know much more about how women show their displeasure than us women do. Look! Believe/justify what? I haven't claimed to know more about how women feel/think or whatever. I've been honest here, and I've answered from the heart. The things I've said here are true and accurate. I've not been extreme here. I cannot read feelings accurately without people saying/explaining. Why should i be able to? If somebody can talk about it, ill comprehend, if someone doesn't tell me, Ill likely not know what they're thinking. I honestly am not being funny. I'm being honest here. There's actually more to it also, there are reasons why people do the things they do. I'm not saying that what I do is correct, but I do it and I'm actually struggling to understand this myself. Wow I go to tesco's and people and their strong opinions wade in again and change what the topic is about! Thankyou hun for your honest contribution. Please don't feel like you have to justify yourself to anyone on this thread. Only you here knows what is going on behind the scenes. It would be really cool if we could keep to topic. It seems most people here have personal experience in one way or the other about cheating and thank you to everyone who is contributing, but please let's try and keep this to a mature discussion with no one feeling like they are being attacked! " | |||
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" not always that easy, what about women who are in abusive relationships? they maybe looking for someone else as a way out, its ok saying man up and tell them but what if maning up gets you a beating? I stayed with my ex for years because of my kids, everytime I tried to leave him they would cry, I packed and unpacked my bags so many times because I couldn't drag them out the house crying for their daddy, so because I ddnt want to take them away from their dad I put down what I wanted for them, because that's what we do as parents. it wasn't till they was only we split up A relationship break up isn't about two people its a whole family Walking away from a relationship isn't always that easy, if only life was all clouds and butterflies like some seem to think it is" | |||
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"Cheating is wrong, pure and simple. You can qualify and justify all you want, it's just self delusion. If you don't want that person and want someone else, man up and tell them. " Life must be so simple in black and white? | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on." | |||
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"Cool thread. I'm not going to go into depth but I agree with you. Another misconception is that you do not love a person who you have cheated on. I'm my opinion, that is very wrong. It is possible to love a person you have cheated on. "I think so too. i think most married couples are lusting after other people all the time, is there that much difference. | |||
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" not always that easy, what about women who are in abusive relationships? they maybe looking for someone else as a way out, its ok saying man up and tell them but what if maning up gets you a beating? I stayed with my ex for years because of my kids, everytime I tried to leave him they would cry, I packed and unpacked my bags so many times because I couldn't drag them out the house crying for their daddy, so because I ddnt want to take them away from their dad I put down what I wanted for them, because that's what we do as parents. it wasn't till they was only we split up A relationship break up isn't about two people its a whole family Walking away from a relationship isn't always that easy, if only life was all clouds and butterflies like some seem to think it is "so children being a part of an abusive relationship is a good thing?? what are you showing your kids with a relationship based on lies and dishonesty?? they pick up on the atmosphere.. they pick up on the feelings between their parents.. the best thing for kids isnt always stayign together.. a child can have good parents who live apart.. or just one parent.. kids need love and stability and a happy enviroment.. ive never read anything so scary..! | |||
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" not always that easy, what about women who are in abusive relationships? they maybe looking for someone else as a way out, its ok saying man up and tell them but what if maning up gets you a beating? I stayed with my ex for years because of my kids, everytime I tried to leave him they would cry, I packed and unpacked my bags so many times because I couldn't drag them out the house crying for their daddy, so because I ddnt want to take them away from their dad I put down what I wanted for them, because that's what we do as parents. it wasn't till they was only we split up A relationship break up isn't about two people its a whole family Walking away from a relationship isn't always that easy, if only life was all clouds and butterflies like some seem to think it is
so children being a part of an abusive relationship is a good thing??
what are you showing your kids with a relationship based on lies and dishonesty?? they pick up on the atmosphere.. they pick up on the feelings between their parents..
the best thing for kids isnt always stayign together.. a child can have good parents who live apart.. or just one parent.. kids need love and stability and a happy enviroment..
ive never read anything so scary..!"well you know its always easy as a outsider to look down your nose at others and criticise them for not doing things as well as you would when your in certain situations its not so easy shoot me i'm a shit mum im a human being I don't have a heart of stone, when my kids was crying because I was taking them away from their dad it hurt me to know I was coursing them that pain so I put down what I wanted for what they did ad they wanted to stay with their mum and dad so that's what I gave them im sure you would have handled the situation so much better  | |||
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" not always that easy, what about women who are in abusive relationships? they maybe looking for someone else as a way out, its ok saying man up and tell them but what if maning up gets you a beating? I stayed with my ex for years because of my kids, everytime I tried to leave him they would cry, I packed and unpacked my bags so many times because I couldn't drag them out the house crying for their daddy, so because I ddnt want to take them away from their dad I put down what I wanted for them, because that's what we do as parents. it wasn't till they was only we split up A relationship break up isn't about two people its a whole family Walking away from a relationship isn't always that easy, if only life was all clouds and butterflies like some seem to think it is
so children being a part of an abusive relationship is a good thing??
what are you showing your kids with a relationship based on lies and dishonesty?? they pick up on the atmosphere.. they pick up on the feelings between their parents..
the best thing for kids isnt always stayign together.. a child can have good parents who live apart.. or just one parent.. kids need love and stability and a happy enviroment..
ive never read anything so scary..!
well you know its always easy as a outsider to look down your nose at others and criticise them for not doing things as well as you would
when your in certain situations its not so easy
shoot me i'm a shit mum
im a human being I don't have a heart of stone, when my kids was crying because I was taking them away from their dad it hurt me to know I was coursing them that pain so I put down what I wanted for what they did ad they wanted to stay with their mum and dad so that's what I gave them
im sure you would have handled the situation so much better " | |||
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"Very balanced and well presented thread OP. Irrespective of your thoughts, I think the problem is that if people post a thread wishing to debate it, it simply turns into a very emotive and difficult subject with many vociferous comments. Its quite likely there are people on the site who have suffered as a result of "cheating" just the same as there are those who are here for one of many reasons doing it. The long and short is, if your here to engage in activities outside the boundaries of a relationship, don't expect mass approval from all. Perhaps quietly use the site without advertising it ? After all for those who've had affairs off site, I doubt you used to meet up announcing to strangers around you that you were doing so ? Do what you will and good luck, but never assume all will agree....no matter what it is you're doing ? " Thank you, I really appreciate your comments! Yes I agree cheating is a highly emotive subject, so many people have suffered at the hands of cheaters, myself included! It hurts like hell! I realise not everyone is going to agree. We don't live in a black and white world. I don't agree with married people coming on here as singles and playing without there partners knowledge. I choose not to play with married or attached men. Personal choice! I reckon there should be a warning on here to all married people playing away from home, don't post on the forums for advice you will get shot down in flames! I have found this thread very interesting and it has opened my eyes up even further to other peoples lives and situations! | |||
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not final word on anything. | |||
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" That's just it. We all have different lives and experiences. Just remember, if you post in a forum you're effectively asking for feedback so think about it first. Though replies are only opinions too not final word on anything. " | |||
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