FabSwingers.com forum: Starting life as a widower

By *atchmo OP Man
2 weeks ago

Upminster

Having recently lost my partner to cancer, it feels awkward to be looking for swinging activities.

Should I go on a temporary hiatus, and if so, what would be a respectable duration ?

Anybody else been through this and have some advice?

Even asking this question feels awkward. Jeez it's difficult.

Cheers,

Alan

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By *ymanMan
2 weeks ago

Malton

Hi my wife passed away from cancer

R just over 2 yrs ago

Started swinging again after 2-3 months - it’s just sex and we had time to talk about after she passedaway and me seeing others

Swinging allows this without commitment

Pitfall is being an older solo guy strike rage is low but makes me feel better every time

Just a thought wish you well

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By *atchmo OP Man
2 weeks ago

Upminster

"Hi my wife passed away from cancer

R just over 2 yrs ago

Started swinging again after 2-3 months - it’s just sex and we had time to talk about after she passedaway and me seeing others

Swinging allows this without commitment

Pitfall is being an older solo guy strike rage is low but makes me feel better every time

Just a thought wish you well"

Thanks for the wishes. You're right about the strike rate. Several years of being a carer for her meant basically an enforced hiatus. Still managed to browse but very frustrated

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By *ustathingMan
2 weeks ago

Reading

You've got to do what you feel right. Keep your personal life private, and enjoy the ride. No one can tell you how to deal with grief!

As mentioned above, just keep it private, and don't give people around you an opportunity to judge you.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
2 weeks ago

East Sussex

Firstly condolences on your loss.

I'm lucky that I haven't been through this but I know people who have.

What I learned from them is that there's no rule book and you should be guided by his you feel.

Good luck

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
2 weeks ago

East Sussex

*how you feel

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By *ichaelsmyMan
2 weeks ago

douglas

no one can tell you the right amount time, only you can tell yourself that.

i hope that you find happiness again

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By *evergiveupMan
2 weeks ago

derbyshire

Enjoy

Life is short - as you realise from your loss

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By *uga40Man
2 weeks ago

Hemel Hempstead

Sorry to hear about your loss but only you can decide when is right i hope everything works out take care

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By *CExeCouple
2 weeks ago

Hong-Kong/Exeter

My sister became a widow in her early thirties after her husband died of a hideous cancer. Fully intent on being a grieving widow for years in the style of a Jane Austen type character, she ended up meeting a new chap at the hospital where she works and is now married to him. At the time she said is it too soon, what will people think etc. My advice to her was that it doesn't matter if you wait a week, a month or years, it's what feels right for you and bollocks to what anyone else thinks. There are more than a few widows and widowers on Fab, such is life, and I'm sure their experiences and anecdotes will put your mind at rest.

Hope you're doing okay otherwise. Having done a long stint of palliative care for my late stepfather I know just how exhausting it can be, and that's without the grief aspect of losing a partner. You deserve to let your hair down and enjoy life.

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By *atchmo OP Man
2 weeks ago

Upminster

"Firstly condolences on your loss.

I'm lucky that I haven't been through this but I know people who have.

What I learned from them is that there's no rule book and you should be guided by his you feel.

Good luck

I think this is the answer. There is no rule book. No one knows what to say or when to broach the topic even.

It is just a minefield to navigate and it never feels quite right.

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By *atchmo OP Man
2 weeks ago

Upminster

Thanks all for the messages and advice. This place can be just as amazing as it can frustrating

Peace, love and joy to all

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
2 weeks ago

East Sussex

"Firstly condolences on your loss.

I'm lucky that I haven't been through this but I know people who have.

What I learned from them is that there's no rule book and you should be guided by his you feel.

Good luck

I think this is the answer. There is no rule book. No one knows what to say or when to broach the topic even.

It is just a minefield to navigate and it never feels quite right.

A friend of mine who was widowed a year ago had grief counselling. The subject of meeting someone new was broached in that, not swinging (I don't think) but certainly the possibility of dating and new relationships. They were reassured by that

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By *WKentladMan
2 weeks ago

Dartford

Pitfall is being an older solo guy strike rage is low but makes me feel better every time

Just a thought wish you well"

I'm sorry to hear of the OPs loss. Re the strike rate (or lack of) for older single men, being even older in my case does mean that meeting via Fab pretty much doesn't happen at all. However, getting out to parties and socials advertised here does mean that I can make social contact at least, and can occasionally manage such contact via Fab.

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