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Being referred to as the wrong thing ?

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By *eautyandthebeast86 OP   Couple
16 weeks ago

Somewhere in Norfolk ask :)

This is something that upsets me so much, doesn’t bother the fella. We clearly have stated on our profile that we are bf and gf not husband and wife, yet we get referred to as hubby or wife all the time. It bothers me as I want to be married but as my partner was in a 21 year failed marriage he’s made it quite clear he doesn’t want to remarry and after over 4 years together it’s clear that’s the case. So not only is it not the correct term for what we are but every time it also reminds me that I will never be a wife and therefore upsets me.

In this day and age you get told off for misgendering a person so why is it ok to call me something that I’m not ?

Before anyone says anything I mention this all the time to him and he says it is what it is and I’m not changing my mind.

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By *issmorganWoman
16 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Hi op, I get this in real life all the time, we've been together over 10 years but not married.

It's annoying, even when when I've corrected people and they still call Jack my hubby.

I'm the opposite though, as its me who doesn't want to marry at all. It's just never been something that's interested me

Sorry you're feeling this way, I imagine it feels like it's getting rubbed in your face, each time someone calls you it.

Your relationship is no less valuable because you're not married .

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By *eautyandthebeast86 OP   Couple
16 weeks ago

Somewhere in Norfolk ask :)


"Hi op, I get this in real life all the time, we've been together over 10 years but not married.

It's annoying, even when when I've corrected people and they still call Jack my hubby.

I'm the opposite though, as its me who doesn't want to marry at all. It's just never been something that's interested me

Sorry you're feeling this way, I imagine it feels like it's getting rubbed in your face, each time someone calls you it.

Your relationship is no less valuable because you're not married . "

Yes exactly this! It does feel like it’s being rubbed in my face and gets my back up. Thank you for your kind words.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
16 weeks ago

East Sussex

With something like this I think you might need to develop a bit of a thick skin about it. Other people aren't going to know your feelings about not ever being a wife.

I try to always refer to 'your partner' because it covers every eventuality

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By *eautyandthebeast86 OP   Couple
16 weeks ago

Somewhere in Norfolk ask :)


"With something like this I think you might need to develop a bit of a thick skin about it. Other people aren't going to know your feelings about not ever being a wife.

I try to always refer to 'your partner' because it covers every eventuality "

Yeah I normally do refer to him as that or even say bf so it is obvious, you are right though it’s my hang up but can be avoided if people were to read profiles that’s all

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
16 weeks ago

East Sussex


"With something like this I think you might need to develop a bit of a thick skin about it. Other people aren't going to know your feelings about not ever being a wife.

I try to always refer to 'your partner' because it covers every eventuality

Yeah I normally do refer to him as that or even say bf so it is obvious, you are right though it’s my hang up but can be avoided if people were to read profiles that’s all "

Ah reading profiles.

We're regularly asked to meet...🤷‍♀️

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By *pgroupsexMan
16 weeks ago

Kingston

Your profile is pretty clear OP, it literally leads with your status. If others are not picking up on that, then they are simply not reading what you are saying (which, in itself, might be a sign of lack of compatibility!).

I'm not married, and we've been together well over 30 years. Neither of us minds how the other is referred to tho and while it obviously irks you (because of your stated wish to be married), I think it's probably something that unfortunately 'pains' you more than would be obvious to others (certainly superficially).

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By *lueDressWoman
16 weeks ago

Bath Somerset

We never married after 27 years together for the same reason.His marriage was a joke.It put him off for life.In fact its a miracle we are still together as he never wanted another LTR

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By *aleunicorn500Man
16 weeks ago

Gloucester

You probably need to change the bit in your bio then that says "we will probably get married one day". He's made it clear you won't and that might be winding him up?

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By *eautyandthebeast86 OP   Couple
16 weeks ago

Somewhere in Norfolk ask :)


"You probably need to change the bit in your bio then that says "we will probably get married one day". He's made it clear you won't and that might be winding him up?"

People can change their minds and it’s not like he minds that’s there we did the profile together and the divorce is still very fresh.

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By *eautyandthebeast86 OP   Couple
16 weeks ago

Somewhere in Norfolk ask :)


"You probably need to change the bit in your bio then that says "we will probably get married one day". He's made it clear you won't and that might be winding him up?"

I have now updated it to say never say never which is more an accurate reflection of our situations

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By *ornyguy666Man
16 weeks ago

Nottingham


"This is something that upsets me so much, doesn’t bother the fella. We clearly have stated on our profile that we are bf and gf not husband and wife, yet we get referred to as hubby or wife all the time. It bothers me as I want to be married but as my partner was in a 21 year failed marriage he’s made it quite clear he doesn’t want to remarry and after over 4 years together it’s clear that’s the case. So not only is it not the correct term for what we are but every time it also reminds me that I will never be a wife and therefore upsets me.

In this day and age you get told off for misgendering a person so why is it ok to call me something that I’m not ?

Before anyone says anything I mention this all the time to him and he says it is what it is and I’m not changing my mind. "
u are bf and gf because u not married

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By *ealitybitesMan
16 weeks ago

Belfast


"With something like this I think you might need to develop a bit of a thick skin about it. Other people aren't going to know your feelings about not ever being a wife.

I try to always refer to 'your partner' because it covers every eventuality "

I always refer to 2 people I know as each others partner but strangely, even though they aren't married, when they are talking about themselves they always say husband and wife.

Different strokes for different folks.

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By *pankingNorfolkCouple
16 weeks ago

Norwich ish

At a wedding recently I may have dropped the “wife” term referring to M, think it must have been the occasion getting to me 🤣

We have both had previous marriages and LTRs that didn’t work so happy where we are.

For you op if someone offends you in a message then I’d probably just vent back that they haven’t read the profile properly, can’t even edit their pre prepared message to use right terms and then block them

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By *um n raisinWoman
16 weeks ago

taunton

I get the opposite im married and some call me miss tho clearly states im mrs i remind them im mrs and some still call me miss so its a simple block as im not here to meet the ''idiots''

thick skin is always needed on this scene more so now than ever before

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By *uttercupWoman
16 weeks ago

Borders

What you want also matters, remember that.

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