FabSwingers.com forum: single female at clubs...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I went to my first Club last night and met two wonderful single fems who took me under their wings..

I didnt want to play and had to leave early so my questions are really hypothetical to help me next time.

I am quite shy really and not a very assertive person when it comes to sex During the night I was with the other girls chatting.

My question is what should I do to show im approachable?

I left feeling a little 'unwanted' like when your picked last for sides in school however I have been told this morning people wanted to talk to me or play but didnt approach me for various reasons including they didnt want to disturb me with my friends however I could never just go in and sit alone,

Your tips, advice... always welcome!

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is always this 'shall I approach, and if I do then will I annoy her' thought in most men's minds. I say most as most men are pleasant, you'll get the odd pushy one so I do recommend as you did, safety in numbers.

My only advice would be eye contact

If you like the look of someone then make prolonged eye contact, they should hopefully get the message that its ok to chat, and then if the do approach take it from there.

We are a scared bunch, us single males, treat us nicely please xxxx lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am so not the right person to give advice about approaching people in clubs lol i have been going as a single for years and still cant do it, what i do if i see someone i like is keep walking past them till i get their attention then see if they talk to me

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"I went to my first Club last night and met two wonderful single fems who took me under their wings..

I didnt want to play and had to leave early so my questions are really hypothetical to help me next time.

I am quite shy really and not a very assertive person when it comes to sex During the night I was with the other girls chatting.

My question is what should I do to show im approachable?

Your tips, advice... always welcome!

Xxx "

this is going to sound weird coming from me....

I think approaching a group of single women in a club as a single man is bloody hard!!! probably harder than approaching a group of couples..

I think some of it is very much "why do they think I am approaching" and have a suspicion about it....

for example.. my m.o is chatting to people first before I even think about anything else..... to get a better feel for them, its not a case of "one man and his dog" where I am trying to peel one off from the group....

but I think the think going thru my head is they think I am only talking to them to get into their knickers.....

in a sense this is where being a ex/passive smoker helps... because in the smoking areas you do talk to people and find it easier to do so, than you do in other areas of a club.....

sometimes you have to do the approaching... even it is just the smallest thing like "hello", you can't always rely on people to come up to you...

especially if someone is new, people will give you a lot of space as to not freak you out....

sometimes you have to take yourself out of your comfort zone a little... but the rewards are worth it....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You guys have made a lot of sense I can imagine for single guys its intimidating too.. God were a complex lot!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am so not the right person to give advice about approaching people in clubs lol i have been going as a single for years and still cant do it, what i do if i see someone i like is keep walking past them till i get their attention then see if they talk to me

We sound VERY similar!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds the tactic I employed at Primary School

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire

Some single guys being pushy have made it hard for the rest of us, of course if we'rw interested we want to let the person know, buy you don't want to come across as pushy or disturbing people either, it's a fine line I agree

I tend to just try the hi how are you etc sort of approach and just gauge body language as to whether someone's interested and leave them alone if they're not!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"
i thought you were just showing me your gorgeous shoes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I want to go to a club today, but I've never been before. Did u just go or know someone who was going in the first place!? Xx

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

I would probably try the long eye contact but my worry would be that the man would automatically assume its a done deal and sex is on the tables (so to speak). I would then find myself in the difficult position of having to say no!

I've never been to a club on my own and I know its one thing I need to do! but it is so much easier to be accompanied by a lovely guy or girl!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I want to go to a club today, but I've never been before. Did u just go or know someone who was going in the first place!? Xx"

I asked in the 'swinging club' forum. I explained I was a single fem and wanted moral *snigger* support and a gorgeous reg lady said she would meet me outside with another fem friend and look after me which they did.

Go for it

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would probably try the long eye contact but my worry would be that the man would automatically assume its a done deal and sex is on the tables (so to speak). I would then find myself in the difficult position of having to say no!"

This was also a concern of mine... so many dynamics involved.

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

"I want to go to a club today, but I've never been before. Did u just go or know someone who was going in the first place!? Xx"

I'd be happy to go with you. If you are interested and want to discuss, PM me please as I cannot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I want to go to a club today, but I've never been before. Did u just go or know someone who was going in the first place!? Xx

Go for it

Xxx"

thank u very much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I want to go to a club today, but I've never been before. Did u just go or know someone who was going in the first place!? Xx

Go for it

Xxx"

I wonder if this kind of request would work for a single bloke!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/06/13 11:08:43]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds the tactic I employed at Primary School

and me, i just have bigger tits now

some people are just more forwards than others we do what works best for us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds the tactic I employed at Primary School

and me, i just have bigger tits now

some people are just more forwards than others we do what works best for us

The other tactic was to pull her hair, but not sure if taht one will work anymore

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

If you see someone you like....Go chat to them....

Too many sit about and wait for others to approach!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds the tactic I employed at Primary School

and me, i just have bigger tits now

some people are just more forwards than others we do what works best for us

The other tactic was to pull her hair, but not sure if taht one will work anymore"

i'll try it and let you know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds the tactic I employed at Primary School

and me, i just have bigger tits now

some people are just more forwards than others we do what works best for us

The other tactic was to pull her hair, but not sure if taht one will work anymore

i'll try it and let you know

Not too hard you might get spanked....hmmmm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We were fairly intimidating last night to single guys. 3 curvy,sexy ladies laughing and joking. You looked fantastic and I have no doubt that next time if you want to play you'll have an offer. Honestly, for your first club night you did amazingly (I hid in a towel on my first night!)

See you soon xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We were fairly intimidating last night to single guys. 3 curvy,sexy ladies laughing and joking. You looked fantastic and I have no doubt that next time if you want to play you'll have an offer. Honestly, for your first club night you did amazingly (I hid in a towel on my first night!)

See you soon xx"

I think I love you ruby xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you CurvyKitten for the thread and all who've contributed so far.

Considering a first time at a club, would be alone and the info here is great to help understand things a lot better without putting pressure on myself or others and understanding club etiquette, if & when I do attend.

Thanks xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Come to one with me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ha ha ha Ruby can come also she knows im no wall flower

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like a few of the other posts...its just as daunting for "single" guys...and given the normal ratio of the gents, its more likely they will be "politely rejected"....eye contact, and a nice smile will work wonders...we have it as a couple, gets to getting changed to go home and we get "...oh we were going to ask if we could join you". A bit of a kick in the nads for that evening, but coz the ice is then broken we then can choose to make arrangements for a later date. Just remember to ALWAYS be yourself, and this is a marathon not a sprint. If it was first time in a club, GOOD ON YOU, and you've done the hardest bit...walking through the door. Good luck....but sure you won't need it....be CAREFUL of Ruby though.....she has only one thingbon her mind....YEA, ENJOYING HERSELF xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ha ha ha Ruby can come also she knows im no wall flower

Oooo that an invite?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ha ha ha Ruby can come also she knows im no wall flower

Oh yeah can't wait to get my hands on you again!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I went to my first Club last night and met two wonderful single fems who took me under their wings..

I didnt want to play and had to leave early so my questions are really hypothetical to help me next time.

I am quite shy really and not a very assertive person when it comes to sex During the night I was with the other girls chatting.

My question is what should I do to show im approachable?

Your tips, advice... always welcome!

Xxx "

Our first club meet T was very nervous so I found a nice guy for her. I dont think that no one wanted to approach you but were respecting your personnel space .

On our second visit to Chams we met a single fem in the hot tub and just chatted as we would with vanilla friends.

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

I have come to the sad conclusion that some women can be as bad as men....in the ''I will waste your time'' club!

A revelation!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What I tend to do when sitting at the bar is yes the eye contact as others have said then I smile to show Im welcoming then slowly cross my legs and 'allow' my hand to trail up and down my leg. It works!

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Well, I will be going to my first club this Friday but I have a very good female friend to help me! Doesn't mean I'm not nervous about it though, but if you do see us, please feel free to come and say hello, as it's not often I'm down south

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

"Well, I will be going to my first club this Friday but I have a very good female friend to help me! Doesn't mean I'm not nervous about it though, but if you do see us, please feel free to come and say hello, as it's not often I'm down south

Dont be cruel...where will you be?

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Dont be cruel...where will you be?"

Umm we are going to Chams, and my friend is someone you know lol

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

The best thing about being a single female in a club is the being single bit.

A lot of guys have experienced women getting gobby and showing off when they are in a posse cackling away. So walk around on your own from time to time. Say 'Hi' to people you like the look of... that's easy enough to say and isn't putting anyone under any pressure.

Stay away from the loud and the d*unks.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"The best thing about being a single female in a club is the being single bit.

Stay away from the loud and the d*unks."

Thanks Polo, I will keep this advise in mind

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

I have been attending clubs for years now as a single bi fem. I am confident and assertive but also can be shy. I tend to try show interest by eye contact and smiling at the person. I will often find a reason to walk past people and smile as I go past them. I can also be silly to show interest too. By commenting on a ladies outfit or anything about how she looks. I am very tactile so if in a conversation I will find a reason to touch their arm or something.

I agree some people dont get signals of disinterest at times as they are on a roll talking with me and dont notice me lookibg around at the same time or not asking questions back.

If you are not sure if someone likes you but you like them I tend to drop into chat I feel tge need to get in the hot tub and ask if they like the hot tub. Its my way of saying where I will be and indirectly asking if they are coming. I guess the easier way isto ask if they willjoin me in the hot tub x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been to clubs but lovely couples always take me

but I found that a "I like ur bikini etc" works wonders to break the ice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It took me ages to pluck up the courage to chat to you in chams, and even then the first time I got nervous and stumbled over my words lol

As said before, yes you lot are well complex but wouldn't have it any other way

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Go with a bloke. Men won't approach single females but they'll approach couples no problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Go with a bloke. Men won't approach single females but they'll approach couples no problem."

Even more scary lol

A lady with a minder lol

In fact why do I go clubs lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trying to build up enough courage to go myself, it's s pretty scary thought to be honest, don't really know anyone who goes. Haven't got a clue about what to wear/ not to wear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I appreciate it harder for some people in clubs.. As stated above.. If your not a confident person go for the eye contact approach to try and catch people or people's attention.. You will find in time the more times you go and develop confidence you maybe able to approach people.. Strike up a conversation about the lifestyle.. it's quite often a starter for ten with most people and chat you find will ebb and flow..

Grasp the Bull by horns.. Pardon the pun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not arrange for a few guys to meet you at the club, and have another escort you?

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

Dont be cruel...where will you be?

Umm we are going to Chams, and my friend is someone you know lol "

Did you have fun? and did you enjoy the experience?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Trying to build up enough courage to go myself, it's s pretty scary thought to be honest, don't really know anyone who goes. Haven't got a clue about what to wear/ not to wear.

The offer to hold a hand at cupids is always there.

Ruby

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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago

South London

I have in the past been to a couple of clubs but it's always been with friends. I have never been game enough to go on my own. Do you regular club goers ever see single fems go by themselves?

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By *ptimum trajectoryCouple
over a year ago

gloucester

I have seen only two(definite) single women in a club before , but was reluctant to approach them because they just did not look happy or comfortable.i think if you can break the ice with someone with a simple question like "is this your first time at the club? " because if it is you now have something in common to talk about. And if its not their first time you can ask about why they like that particular club(which.is a great way of.finding out what they are into/ looking for) We have never talked to anyone who has been rude or unpleasant . The difficulty here is spotting a single female because when you see a man and women chatting it's not always easy to tell if they are a couple or just that one has approached the other and you can't always tell by the body language , the last thing we would want to do is cock block a single guy pulling out his best moves. . I think maybe instead of turning up in a sexy dress and some fuck me shoes with killer heels maybe wear a sandwich board that reads " it's ok to come and talk to me" and on the back " as long as you are as sexy as fuck!"

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By *otwife CoolhubCouple
over a year ago

Bathgate

"Go with a bloke. Men won't approach single females but they'll approach couples no problem."

This seems the most obvious thing to do. You can perhaps spend the first while together but make sure you mingle and speak with all the people you like, connection made! You can then stick together or go your separate ways and take advantage of the connections already made.

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By *otwife CoolhubCouple
over a year ago

Bathgate

Just read the above back to myself and have realised that I use the grammatical structure of a five year old.

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By *pen2offersxCouple
over a year ago

kettering

Eye contact works in any situation, also smile and look for the reaction to try and get a read on them.

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By *enninemarkMan
over a year ago

huddersfield/manchester

As a nervous single man in clubs I find it daunting to approach others. As alreadystated I tthink lots of smiles and eye contact help. Standing or sitting in aspace that makes it easy for you to be joined. And finally trying to involve others in conversation. I was stood nearto a couple once but with my back sort of away from them when she tapped me on the shoulder anand askedwhat I thought of her outfit. A cconversation was started about all sorts and fun was had later! Another time a lady asked me a question about how warm the jacuzzi was. Made it easier to get over that initial approach!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I went to my first Club last night and met two wonderful single fems who took me under their wings..

I didnt want to play and had to leave early so my questions are really hypothetical to help me next time.

I am quite shy really and not a very assertive person when it comes to sex During the night I was with the other girls chatting.

My question is what should I do to show im approachable?

Your tips, advice... always welcome!

Xxx "

Did you look about you, catch men's eyes and smile?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I'm afraid I can't help you. My tactic used to be to sit in the Jacuzzi and see who's hands wandered lol

I was once told by a guy who I saw quite regularly that he didn't want to approach me because I had a 'fuck off face' on but then I got in his Jacuzzi (he was the only one in it) and he saved me from an old farmer lol

I'd go with the eye contact, a little smile, keep looking at them then maybe stroll past and say hi as you go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't ask me for help as I'm painfully shy sometimes. When I went as a single guy I never found it easy to approach people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only been to a club once on my own and that was a club we'd been to as a couple. So I felt quite relaxed and happy to sit outside and chat or wander inside, which I'm glad I did as I got chatting to a lovely young couple and while he went to the toilet, his gorgeous wife said she wanted to play so that was that

we ended up in a big play room as a 3some and then a nice lad join us as well.

I'd definately like to go to a club or party on my own again.

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By *aveandkate35Couple
over a year ago

telford

I think it's hard for everyone to some degree.

I really do feel for single guys in this situation because they get slated for introducing themselves, slated for not, and no one likes the indesicive lot, so anything inbetween is a no too!;-)

It's ironic really, that in our experience, singles and couples alike, are all a lot more reserved in a swinging club than In a normal pub because so many don't want to be seen as "hassling" or "annoying".

Like Fabio said, finding your moment is often the best bet, like waiting at the bar or in the smoking area.

Just thinking back, probably a majority of our introductions have been us waiting at the bar and starting conversations such as "oooo I love what you're wearing!" Etc... And often found when we play and we get talking after we find that people often admit seeing us earlier in the evening etc.

It's amazing how many times we hear and are guilty of regretting not saying something earlier in the evening.

In summary, Just relax, have fun, and go to the bar and smoke a lot (or like us, go there to cool off

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By *zanyCouple
over a year ago

truro

When my partner wants to meet some guys I just move away a discreet distance then leave her sat alone. She does not stay alone for long. Social skills are still needed in a club and through chatting she decides what will happen. Never had a problem rejecting anyone. It's amazing how well mannered most men are at the clubs we have been too.

D and C

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ive noticed in Claires Accessories they have 'single' necklaces.... maybe thats a start

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ive noticed in Claires Accessories they have 'single' necklaces.... maybe thats a start

Come to the bbw bash at chams and flutter your eyelashes in my direction.

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

"I have in the past been to a couple of clubs but it's always been with friends. I have never been game enough to go on my own. Do you regular club goers ever see single fems go by themselves?"

I have been going to clubs alone for years now.

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