FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swingers Chat

Keeping things "Fair"

Jump to newest
 

By *ingerHeavyy OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Liverpool

My partner is really worried about keeping things fair as shes now had 4 solo playdates, a few more socials and now a frequent FWB while ive not yet had any luck and neither has our couples page.

I absolutely dont want her to feel the need to slow down in the fun she's having but i would like anyones suggestions as to how things can be kept fair in alternative way?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
25 weeks ago

East Sussex

They can't I don't think. You're a single guy the majority and she's a single woman the minority.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss DevilWoman
25 weeks ago

Bedford


"They can't I don't think. You're a single guy the majority and she's a single woman the minority. "

Exactly this, unfortunately. My partner is in the same boat, OP, despite his efforts.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ingerHeavyy OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Liverpool


"They can't I don't think. You're a single guy the majority and she's a single woman the minority. "

That's why im asking about alternative methods. Ideas outside of the box.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ellhungvweMan
25 weeks ago

Cheltenham

Pretty much every couple I have met is in your position OP. I don’t think your “alterative fairness” is likely. If it is an issue then I would strongly suggest you talk to her else find you need to find peace with the situation.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ingerHeavyy OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Liverpool


"Pretty much every couple I have met is in your position OP. I don’t think your “alterative fairness” is likely. If it is an issue then I would strongly suggest you talk to her else find you need to find peace with the situation."

I've made peace, its been made well enough aware by the ruder members of the community im not welcome of the single side of swing. I just want whatever wisdom can be given to make sure i can keep my lady happy and fufilled and not guilty about numbers, leaving me out or leaving me unfufilled

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
25 weeks ago

East Sussex


"Pretty much every couple I have met is in your position OP. I don’t think your “alterative fairness” is likely. If it is an issue then I would strongly suggest you talk to her else find you need to find peace with the situation.

I've made peace, its been made well enough aware by the ruder members of the community im not welcome of the single side of swing. I just want whatever wisdom can be given to make sure i can keep my lady happy and fufilled and not guilty about numbers, leaving me out or leaving me unfufilled"

I'm not really clear on what you're asking. Fairness implies to me that you get a similar number of meets but you seem to want to reassure her that you're fine with the situation as it is. Do you think you'd like to move to more of a cuckold situation?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ellyAndYammiTV/TS
25 weeks ago

eastbourne

Is it more your partners guilt over the advantage or your dissatisfaction with the situation?

If you aren’t bothered by things and she just worries it’s unfair, then can’t really do much than express you are ok or request certain rules. Guys are just quite disadvantaged in this life style.

Honestly just think the least complicated way is to play together, it’s so much harder to manage emotions and times when always separate partners. Perhaps time together going to socials could peak confidence for you and make it a less than one way situation? X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ingerHeavyy OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Liverpool


"Pretty much every couple I have met is in your position OP. I don’t think your “alterative fairness” is likely. If it is an issue then I would strongly suggest you talk to her else find you need to find peace with the situation.

I've made peace, its been made well enough aware by the ruder members of the community im not welcome of the single side of swing. I just want whatever wisdom can be given to make sure i can keep my lady happy and fufilled and not guilty about numbers, leaving me out or leaving me unfufilled

I'm not really clear on what you're asking. Fairness implies to me that you get a similar number of meets but you seem to want to reassure her that you're fine with the situation as it is. Do you think you'd like to move to more of a cuckold situation?"

Absolutely not, thats making the relationship one sided. Im fully aware that will be lucky to find 1 lady to enjoy a fun time with in my life time within the community. Whereas shes had 4 meets in a week. Im not going to stop trying, just aware sucsess is not inevitable.

Fairness is not being equal, if it was then the relationship would have ended already because she gets many more opportunies being female.

What im asking is how do other couples maintain any feelings of guilt or "make it up" to their partners?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eekySweetheartWoman
25 weeks ago

Hampshire

I don't think you can keep things 'fair' if you aren't getting the same opportunities but you also don't want her to stop.

We are a little different in that I meet alone and he doesn't (although we do meet as a couple). At first I worried about it not being 'fair' but he genuinely isn't bothered and gets involved by seeing photos /videos etc.

I guess you need to work out whether you are actually ok with how it is as the reality is this is probably how it will always be with her having a lot more opportunities than you xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
25 weeks ago

East Sussex


"Pretty much every couple I have met is in your position OP. I don’t think your “alterative fairness” is likely. If it is an issue then I would strongly suggest you talk to her else find you need to find peace with the situation.

I've made peace, its been made well enough aware by the ruder members of the community im not welcome of the single side of swing. I just want whatever wisdom can be given to make sure i can keep my lady happy and fufilled and not guilty about numbers, leaving me out or leaving me unfufilled

I'm not really clear on what you're asking. Fairness implies to me that you get a similar number of meets but you seem to want to reassure her that you're fine with the situation as it is. Do you think you'd like to move to more of a cuckold situation?

Absolutely not, thats making the relationship one sided. Im fully aware that will be lucky to find 1 lady to enjoy a fun time with in my life time within the community. Whereas shes had 4 meets in a week. Im not going to stop trying, just aware sucsess is not inevitable.

Fairness is not being equal, if it was then the relationship would have ended already because she gets many more opportunies being female.

What im asking is how do other couples maintain any feelings of guilt or "make it up" to their partners?"

I think guilt can only be assuaged by your reassuring her.

How do you feel it could be made up?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ingerHeavyy OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Liverpool


"Pretty much every couple I have met is in your position OP. I don’t think your “alterative fairness” is likely. If it is an issue then I would strongly suggest you talk to her else find you need to find peace with the situation.

I've made peace, its been made well enough aware by the ruder members of the community im not welcome of the single side of swing. I just want whatever wisdom can be given to make sure i can keep my lady happy and fufilled and not guilty about numbers, leaving me out or leaving me unfufilled

I'm not really clear on what you're asking. Fairness implies to me that you get a similar number of meets but you seem to want to reassure her that you're fine with the situation as it is. Do you think you'd like to move to more of a cuckold situation?

Absolutely not, thats making the relationship one sided. Im fully aware that will be lucky to find 1 lady to enjoy a fun time with in my life time within the community. Whereas shes had 4 meets in a week. Im not going to stop trying, just aware sucsess is not inevitable.

Fairness is not being equal, if it was then the relationship would have ended already because she gets many more opportunies being female.

What im asking is how do other couples maintain any feelings of guilt or "make it up" to their partners?

I think guilt can only be assuaged by your reassuring her.

How do you feel it could be made up?"

Im communicating as much as i can. I offer her all the support possible and a 2nd layer of after care after a meet. Ive made her new outfits for dates, picked out guys, planned a kink encounter played to fantasys.

But every few days its another offer to close and stop. Her guilt over the way shes been taught to percieve fairness, and as much as i can reassure her that the numbers dont matter the fact she's having the fun she craves does.

The only answer she has is hearing me have a playdate but i outright refuse to lie. And honestly i was hoping someone would understand and be able to offer a different perspective on what i/she/we can do

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oundtightCouple
25 weeks ago

Manchester

You're building trust, and it's basically as simple as consistent reassurance in words and actions. Think of it like you're magnetising a nail - constant, even strokes. She will eventually get it.

With that said, OP, some of your answers do sound like you are unsatisfied and somewhat resentful, at some level. Possibly that's just reading what isn't there, but possibly that's something she's picking up on, and she is trying to say "Hey, I'd rather us be in this together, so tell me to stop". Or some variation on that.

Or possibly she's reading what isn't there too. Which I suppose might be some insight. Or not. Either way, good luck

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *irtyKittenCouple
24 weeks ago

Southampton

K after playing solo, most times has sex with me soon as she comes home.

The sex is always amazing each time.

The main is trust between each and knowing we both love each other.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top