FabSwingers.com forum: Single (married men)

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm in a happy ish relationship, but with very little sex involved, which I find frustrating, now I state on my profile that I'm in a relationship but my profile is single male, what's your thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Until their is a profile of 'meeting as single' or 'single for the sake of sex'

Then you've no choice but to have a 'single' profile. I find it annoying though that you sit and read a 'single' profile and as you get to the bottom... they aint single.

But what are those that meet alone, whilst not being single to do?

Until admin add an 'attached playing single' or other such named profile, it is what it is. And lets face it, who would use that profile title, as many would find themselves blocked.

I'm off now before the 'cheating' debaters make their entrance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*there sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you are doing this behind your partners back then theres no other word apart from "wrong" to describe it, however if you are doing this with your partners agreement/permission/blessing (delete as approp.) then you need to state on your profile that your partner will confirm this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take the single to mean your swinging as a single and not the two of you. After all it's not a dating site.

Maybe there should be a naughty boy/girl I'm doing it without my partner knowing category

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if you are doing this behind your partners back then theres no other word apart from "wrong" to describe it."

I dont agree with this at all... there are all sorts of circumstances that would make it wrong to tell a partner.

I think people are sometimes too quick to judge other peoples situations without knowing the full details.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if you are doing this behind your partners back then theres no other word apart from "wrong" to describe it.

I dont agree with this at all... there are all sorts of circumstances that would make it wrong to tell a partner.

I think people are sometimes too quick to judge other peoples situations without knowing the full details. "

I so agree with this, try that persons shoes on even if u can't walk in them, u might find it impossible

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By *aughtywifeandhimCouple
over a year ago

bedford

Think most the single guys are on here are actually married,you cant always tell .we do play with guys at club,we dont interrogate them ,theres no point if they are not playing with us ,they would just go else ebete.,bit if we get told they are married or we get Wind of it we stay clear,most the guys we meet at club would not cross our pathos in normal. Situations

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

as there is no other option for you i dont see any problem

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By *opping_candyWoman
over a year ago

West Yorkshire

Can't win! Imagine the grief he'd get if he had a couple profile that said 'although I am married, my wife doesn't know I'm on a swinging site'!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"-if you are doing this behind your partners back then theres no other word apart from "wrong" to describe it.

- I dont agree with this at all... there are all sorts of circumstances that would make it wrong to tell a partner.

Playing devils advocate here, but please could you give examples of 'all sorts of circumstances' that justify cheating?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/06/13 12:52:05]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"as there is no other option for you i dont see any problem "

The option is to get some balls and end the failing/failed relationship, or heaven forbid, actually open a dialogue with his partner about their differences and seek a mutual resolution.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if you are doing this behind your partners back then theres no other word apart from "wrong" to describe it.

I dont agree with this at all... there are all sorts of circumstances that would make it wrong to tell a partner.

I think people are sometimes too quick to judge other peoples situations without knowing the full details. "

I would never tell my partner of 17 years but would love her to get involved. I have talked to her in the past about threesomes ie: 2 men and her. But she got upset at the thought of it. So I left it alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There can be circumstances of ill health and having had no physical contact your spouse for a few years so you end up lookin elsewhere.

I know this thread is on about married men playing as singles but lets not forget that some married women also state they are single too. Lets not all jump on the one sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There can be circumstances of ill health and having had no physical contact your spouse for a few years so you end up lookin elsewhere.

I know this thread is on about married men playing as singles but lets not forget that some married women also state they are single too. Lets not all jump on the one sex."

I don't mind who jumps on my sex lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Balls I've got, we have talked, and sex she doesn't want that often, we have 2 kids, and we do get along well, thanks for your opinions people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"... I'm off now before the 'cheating' debaters make their entrance "

I'm one of the ones who disapproves of married-but-cheating. I agree that there are one or two reasons why someone would do this (e.g. medical reasons preventing the partner from having sex). However, I would have more respect for someone who visited prostitutes for relief in these circumstances, rather than using a swingers site. Cheating isn't swinging.

Although, fair play to the OP for making his status clear on his profile. This does at least mean that people who feel like me can avoid him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"-if you are doing this behind your partners back then theres no other word apart from "wrong" to describe it.

- I dont agree with this at all... there are all sorts of circumstances that would make it wrong to tell a partner.

Playing devils advocate here, but please could you give examples of 'all sorts of circumstances' that justify cheating?"

Disabilities, mental illness, compliant denial to name 3.

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire

It is a difficult subject, I'm sure had I been on here at the time and tried to discuss it with my ex it would've gone badly! But I wasn't on here before then so it wasn't an issue and we split for other reasons

But some people don't want to split but the sex is an issue and can't be resolved, so what do you do in that position?

Some have an open relationship, some have a 'don't ask/don't tell' type arrangement, others don't discuss because its too painful

I've seen enough friends marriages/ relationships break down to sit here and get all judgemental on other people's lives, life is too short to get upset and these things

My approach is that if someone else's personal life doesn't directly affect me then it's up to them what they do and I'm not going to judge them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My approach is that if someone else's personal life doesn't directly affect me then it's up to them what they do and I'm not going to judge them"

I think I love you! .... Great post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My approach is that if someone else's personal life doesn't directly affect me then it's up to them what they do and I'm not going to judge them"

Too right! I'm a very strong believer in free will.

(I'm not judging anyone by the way. Just engaging in adult conversation.)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Balls I've got, we have talked, and sex she doesn't want that often, we have 2 kids, and we do get along well, thanks for your opinions people

Good good.

How did she react when she found out you were cheating?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if i meet a man who is nice and the sex is good why should i care if he is married. i dont mind men who mention their wives just as long as they dont go on about them too much.

that includes men with girlfriends too of course.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im a separated guy so still technically married ! But as far as im concerned thats my business ! Im not concerned with anyones private business as were all here for sexy fun !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

cheating is wrong in any circumstances, im not been judgmental im speaking the truth, when you get married its til death us do part, if circumstances mean that you can no longer have sex, then you learn to see to yoursef, thereis no reason or circumstance that makes it right to cheat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do we all tell our friends, children, parents, children's friends parents, neighbours, colleagues, ocado delivery person..... That we are swingers? Most probably don't. We are all hiding something from others...

I bet there are a lot of couples who swing where one partner is more in To it than the other and has coerced their partner a little so that they can swing. Is this not cheating?

Swingers, you are a funny bunch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Balls I've got, we have talked, and sex she doesn't want that often, we have 2 kids, and we do get along well, thanks for your opinions people

If you have kids mate totally understand you wanting to keep this quiet sex is important but not as important as your kids. I am in the same position as you i adore my wife and kids and just because my wife lost her sex drive due to health problems mine is still there and this seems best way to satisfy it (albeit very seldom lol). At least im not stealing money from our account to pay for sex

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire

"cheating is wrong in any circumstances, im not been judgmental im speaking the truth, when you get married its til death us do part, if circumstances mean that you can no longer have sex, then you learn to see to yoursef, thereis no reason or circumstance that makes it right to cheat."

Are all church married swinging couples to be condemned? After all didn't they promise to forsake all others? They are surely breaking their vows?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm in a happy ish relationship, but with very little sex involved, which I find frustrating, now I state on my profile that I'm in a relationship but my profile is single male, what's your thoughts? "

My thoughts are be happy in who and what you are doing, but consider others in doing so. That will include your wife.

As a point in mind, assuming that you thought you were happily married (not happyish, but totally 100% happy), how would you react if you stumbled, one day, across your wifes profile on a swingers site ?

Think about it before answering that question the male way, strip away all the 'oh it would be something we could enjoy together' thoughts and get back to how it would make you feel as a man and as a husband.

I am not preaching (or even trying to) in asking that because I fully recognise that people do things for their own reasons and often for the good of their marriage as a whole, but just stop for a minute and ask yourself why you are here.

That may help you answer your own question.

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By *DoorsDownMan
over a year ago

Windsor

"Do we all tell our friends, children, parents, children's friends parents, neighbours, colleagues, ocado delivery person..... That we are swingers? Most probably don't. We are all hiding something from others...

I bet there are a lot of couples who swing where one partner is more in To it than the other and has coerced their partner a little so that they can swing. Is this not cheating?

Swingers, you are a funny bunch

Well said mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if you are doing this behind your partners back then theres no other word apart from "wrong" to describe it.

I dont agree with this at all... there are all sorts of circumstances that would make it wrong to tell a partner.

I think people are sometimes too quick to judge other peoples situations without knowing the full details.

And how do you think you partner of 17 years will feel if she ever finds out about this? Secrets have a way of rising to the surface. If she was upset then, about a suggestion, maybe consider how she would feel if she finds out about you wanting to/trying to sleep with other people.

It's cheating and it is something very hurtful and can devastate the person getting hurt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well you swinging as one person ...... so that make you a single not a couple ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"well you swinging as one person ...... so that make you a single not a couple ...."

A swingle lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, cheating on someone who is meant to be your soul mate speaks volumes about a someones personality and loyalties. Its not the same as playing alone with your partners permission, but hey each to their own cos at the end of the day people wont change. Males and females do it, of the women i've met, I've discovered quite a few to have partners by the time we've parted.

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By *bovethekneeCouple
over a year ago

Hampshire / Herefordshire

I once heard "women can fake orgasms but men can fake whole relationships". We pretty much assumed all single males who could not accommodate were not really single.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I once heard "women can fake orgasms but men can fake whole relationships". We pretty much assumed all single males who could not accommodate were not really single."

I met with a single man that house shared, and hence couldn't accom... not everything is cut and dry and with the job market/housing market being what it is.

I also know of single's that live in tiny flats and 1 has a 'mold' problem that the landlady wont sort out, so they wont accom.

I always ask why someone cant/wont accom. Some of those that can, may have a girlfriend but just arn't at sharing homes just yet, Or use a single mates place..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My hubby knows I on here I play single in fact he dont play at all not even with me but I dont hide the fact I am married but dont rub his nose in it either ...

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I bet there are a lot of couples who swing where one partner is more in To it than the other and has coerced their partner a little so that they can swing. Is this not cheating?

Swingers, you are a funny bunch

Sorry, what point are you trying to make? Some people on here tell all and sundry, including their kids they swing, there's even a mother and daughter on here who also visit the same club, what has that got to do with cheating?!!

I don't meet married men any more. Not because they're cheating, couldn't give a monkies truth be told, I'm here for my own hedonistic pleasure and a playmate that comes into my house with soap his wife uses for me to use so my scent doesn't linger on him isn't going to escape with his balls intact and that'll need explaining. I also do not meet anyone who doesn't accommodate, so that in itself rules married men out by default.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I once heard "women can fake orgasms but men can fake whole relationships". We pretty much assumed all single males who could not accommodate were not really single.

I met with a single man that house shared, and hence couldn't accom... not everything is cut and dry and with the job market/housing market being what it is.

I also know of single's that live in tiny flats and 1 has a 'mold' problem that the landlady wont sort out, so they wont accom.

I always ask why someone cant/wont accom. Some of those that can, may have a girlfriend but just arn't at sharing homes just yet, Or use a single mates place.. "

If my ex-husband were on here, 100% single, he wouldn't accommodate. He'd sold his house to move into his mums one bed flat to look after her. She died a month ago and I know he wouldn't "disrespect" her home by bringing random women there, so I don't assume all men that can't accommodate are married.

I'm sounding like a broken record

but after a playmate told me (whilst in my bed) he'd never invite people he met off the internet into his home, I assume all men that don't accommodate treat their homes as sacrosanct and mine like a knocking shop. Therefore you can't accommodate? Not a problem, just don't expect an invite to mine!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are all church married swinging couples to be condemned? After all didn't they promise to forsake all others? They are surely breaking their vows?"

Exactly my sentiments

Narrowmindedness at its best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There can be circumstances of ill health and having had no physical contact your spouse for a few years so you end up lookin elsewhere.

I know this thread is on about married men playing as singles but lets not forget that some married women also state they are single too. Lets not all jump on the one sex."

Indeed , I was poorly over a 6 yr span where I didn't have sex .. If I'd known about swinging then may have saved our marriage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bet there are a lot of couples who swing where one partner is more in To it than the other and has coerced their partner a little so that they can swing. Is this not cheating?

Swingers, you are a funny bunch

Well said mate

Wow that really is scraping at the bottom of the barrel to try and justify cheating lol

Even if someone is cohered, there is no lying or deception involved.. Big difference!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are all church married swinging couples to be condemned? After all didn't they promise to forsake all others? They are surely breaking their vows?

Exactly my sentiments

Narrowmindedness at its best "

Fordsaking others means not running off with someone else, cos if you put it in the context of the vows in whole. You are committing to live in partnership no matter what and stay together throughj the good and bad and face everything as if you were one person. Therefore no lying or decieving each other in any sense!

So if a couple are open and honest about having sex with others then they are still partaking as one and a partnership

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bet there are a lot of couples who swing where one partner is more in To it than the other and has coerced their partner a little so that they can swing. Is this not cheating?

Swingers, you are a funny bunch

Well said mate

Wow that really is scraping at the bottom of the barrel to try and justify cheating lol

Even if someone is cohered, there is no lying or deception involved.. Big difference!"

Oh and what person vanilla or not tells family and friends about their sx life and share details?? So what point u trying to make there?

So ur not decieving anyone as family and friends do not need to know about such intamacies in your life, on the otherhand ur partner ur committed to u are meant to share intamacy with! So again they are the only ones u can decieve when it comes to sexual matters

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire

Forsaking all others means exactly that! You're not allowed to redefine it to fit your own personal sexual beliefs its a pretty clear church vow in my book

The other person knowing/ agreeing surely doesn't alter that vow being broken?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What exactly does these vows say you are foresaking from these others then?

I'm guessing being led astray from your partner? If your partner is there with u then as I say your still working in partnership, sharing a hobby as such! No lies, no deception

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your a true believer in your religion wouldn't you be at church and not on fab after all according to the bible any sexual position other than missionary is considered perverted.

I'm sure I will be corrected if I'm wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If your a true believer in your religion wouldn't you be at church and not on fab after all according to the bible any sexual position other than missionary is considered perverted.

I'm sure I will be corrected if I'm wrong"

Is this aimed at me?

1. I'm an atheist

2. I'm very much single

3. I'm not lying or decieving anyone through selfish actions

And ur right, why do people bother to take the vows or make a commitment if they don't live up to them? I agree

But I don't see how swinging together is in anyway making a mockery of your marriage as in the way a cheater is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was married for 13 years, and found out that my now ex cheated for most of that time. We now have conversations about 'if only we had talked more' maybe then we would be on here swinging together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was married for 13 years, and found out that my now ex cheated for most of that time. We now have conversations about 'if only we had talked more' maybe then we would be on here swinging together. "

Yes I was cheated on a few times when ill , only found out last year .. It hurt me a lot ...

But him being able to sleep with other ladies , but not leave the marriage could have been a better solution ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If your a true believer in your religion wouldn't you be at church and not on fab after all according to the bible any sexual position other than missionary is considered perverted.

I'm sure I will be corrected if I'm wrong"

when has getting married in a church mean you have to be catholic and abide by the bible, i got married in a church but im protestant.

vows are vows and if your not prepared to live by the 1 you say them to why say them in the 1st place.

cheating no matter which way you butter it up or what circumstances arise is wrong simple as that and as for narrow mindness, can you actually get any more narrow minded than cheating.

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By *avenDotCouple
over a year ago

London

Hmmm I never judge....Dot....i had 10 years in a relationship with no sex at all!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If your a true believer in your religion wouldn't you be at church and not on fab after all according to the bible any sexual position other than missionary is considered perverted.

I'm sure I will be corrected if I'm wrong"

You are wrong, the bible does not discuss sexual positions in a right and wrong context.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I'm not here to judge either, each to their own but I'd rather be able to make an informed choice as to who I meet so prefer those who are honest about it.

As an aside... I'm curious as to why someone would stay in a 'happy-ish' relationship when clearly there's something missing...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what does it mean to forsake all others? The obvious answer revolves around adultery, but it goes far beyond that. Forsaking all others includes leaving your parents (Gen. 2:24), as well as anyone else who might possibly come between you and your spouse.

So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate. (Matt. 19:6 NIV) No one is intended to ever come between a husband and wife. The failure to shift your loyalty from your parents, friends, etc, to your spouse is a central issue in almost all marital conflict.

Adultry: sex outside the marriage that causing coflict within the marriage

i dont see how after reading this that as a couple who swing it is breaking the vow of forsaking all others?? if the people they swing with are not going to break the marriage up then there is nothign to forsake

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire

"I'm not here to judge either, each to their own but I'd rather be able to make an informed choice as to who I meet so prefer those who are honest about it.

As an aside... I'm curious as to why someone would stay in a 'happy-ish' relationship when clearly there's something missing...

I can't comment from personal experience but do 2 people have to stop loving each other and wanting to live and spend time together and get divorced if one parties libido goes or has health issues etc?

Seems a bit harsh

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By *avenDotCouple
over a year ago

London

I stayed with him cos we loved each other and in every way he made me happy but he just didn't want sex at all!!

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I'm not here to judge either, each to their own but I'd rather be able to make an informed choice as to who I meet so prefer those who are honest about it.

As an aside... I'm curious as to why someone would stay in a 'happy-ish' relationship when clearly there's something missing...

Seems a bit harsh "

I have no idea... that's sort of why I asked. I have no experience of that either. I just know that when things don't work in a relationship then it tells me that it's time to stop. When something no longer makes you happy, what's the point?

I get the whole having kids/responsibilities etc. but I don't think I could cheat on someone either so I'm curious I guess. It's not meant to be a judgement... just questions escaping from my head! It happens sometimes!

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

as I tend to say..... people tend to be real "ballsy" about the subject of playing with married people if the other person doesn't know... heck it doesn't affect them...

they are some anonymous figure, that you don't have to worry about right?????

lets say that anonymous figure becomes a voice on the end of the phone..... not so easy then

or lets say that person is staring you in the eye... full of anger and hate.... Still being "ballsy" then????? I'm betting not...

bluster and bravado on here is one thing... the reality is another and I am guessing 95% of you would, when faced, with the reality of the situation... curl up and "weasel your way out, blame them, i'm the innocent party, I didn't know ect ect ect..."

I was of the understand that most couples swing because they are sharing something intimate... they trust their partners 100%

so if someone who is married and playing away can't be truthful to the person they profess to love more than any other, then why should you expect them to be anymore truthful with you......

"honest enough" to get a legover..... obviously the risk must be worth the rewards... right?????

bluster, bravado, bulletproof...

"oh but i am different because"..... erm... no ya not!!!

"thats not me because......." erm... that is you!!!

they know what would likely happen if they told the other half... because it is the reason they don't....

we have heard countless stories of people turning up on doorsteps... of threats of violence, so lets rather than saying "oh woe is me"... counter that with reality!!

out!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not here to judge either, each to their own but I'd rather be able to make an informed choice as to who I meet so prefer those who are honest about it.

As an aside... I'm curious as to why someone would stay in a 'happy-ish' relationship when clearly there's something missing...

Seems a bit harsh "

But none of that is any reason to lie and decieve to the other one.. That's not what commitmewnt is about.

Its about sorting out problems. If one has health issues and the other can go out and shag behind their back then they can't care much about them!

Who knows what life will throw at us.. But if u make a commitment you live by it!

I have a son and if not having sex again ever was what was best for him.. Then I wouldn't have sex again in a heartbeat! Its called being selfless for those you love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very strange reading all these posts.. this is a swinging site for ppl to meet ppl for fun and sex..not a dating site do to me if the woman is married or not or the man is married or not does it really matter... to be honest you probably going to have less chance of them being a stalker lol... if the partner knows nothing and no chance of finding out I say each to their own..

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Very strange reading all these posts.. this is a swinging site for ppl to meet ppl for fun and sex..not a dating site do to me if the woman is married or not or the man is married or not does it really matter... to be honest you probably going to have less chance of them being a stalker lol... if the partner knows nothing and no chance of finding out I say each to their own.. "

So you say 'each to their own' yet you think the other people who are giving their opinions strange?

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By *avenDotCouple
over a year ago

London

At the end of the day everybody deals with what life has to throw at them differently whilst I lived in a no sex but plenty of love relationship, not what I would have chosen, if the positions had been reversed I would have willingly let him have sex with others assured in the fact he loved me whereas he didn't want me to have sex with anyone else. I don't think anybody can walk in anybody else's shoes nobody knows the way their mind will work in each given situation. How long would people go without sex for, for the person they loved with no chance it's going to change in the future?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That your in a relationship and not single so shouldn't be here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's simple. ..is this a dating site or a swinging sit whether u are in a relationship or not. ...isn't swinging supposed to be NSA in nature? Im I'm prepared to be lambasted.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think _abio just about hit the nail smack on the head in his post.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

My thoughts are that you have been honest with everyone on here enabling us to make a choice about whether to meet you or not, you have not tried to justify your actions too much or ask for pity or sympathy. You can't set your profile up any other way so it is what it is.

You haven't asked for advice or further opinions so I'll keep them to myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For what its worth, I think a single profile IS the correct profile for you, although..it would be helpful to others if you stated on your profile wether you play with or without your partners consent, swinging is about being open and honest about your sexual wants and desires.. Some will play with cheats, others won't...personally...I find liars a big turn off!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say strange due to the fact we all have opinions but I do not concern myself with other ppls.. its a swingers site saying cheating is wrong..maybe it is but think we all know that but I would not say that on a swingers sure because most single ppl on here prob are in a relationship one way or another....if you are a cpl then we'll done to you both doing it.. but unless you are the type of ppl who are honest completely and all their friends and family including their kids know about what you do then I say ok voice your opinion..if not then we are all liers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can't win! Imagine the grief he'd get if he had a couple profile that said 'although I am married, my wife doesn't know I'm on a swinging site'!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well....not ALL of us lie, everone I know, knows my lifestyle..including my 3 kids, they all support my choice not to lie, and to live my life for me!

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By *aster of a mindCouple
over a year ago

York

"*there sorry

You were right the first time

their- as in people

there - as in place

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By *its The Spot AlotMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

As a couple that BOTH play single

think its so nice to share our experiences with each other and have great sex after.

We also made a pact that if either can't play for any reason the other would stop.which both of us have done at times.

Think its all about respect.

If your patner was ok about it then thats fine.

But for most reasons cant see its right.

That said its all down to you and your concience i wouldnt judge anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really live by the saying " don't judge others unless you have walked in their shoes "

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

"I once heard "women can fake orgasms but men can fake whole relationships". We pretty much assumed all single males who could not accommodate were not really single.

I met with a single man that house shared, and hence couldn't accom... not everything is cut and dry and with the job market/housing market being what it is.

I also know of single's that live in tiny flats and 1 has a 'mold' problem that the landlady wont sort out, so they wont accom.

I always ask why someone cant/wont accom. Some of those that can, may have a girlfriend but just arn't at sharing homes just yet, Or use a single mates place..

I'm sounding like a broken record

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"-if you are doing this behind your partners back then theres no other word apart from "wrong" to describe it.

- I dont agree with this at all... there are all sorts of circumstances that would make it wrong to tell a partner.

Playing devils advocate here, but please could you give examples of 'all sorts of circumstances' that justify cheating?"

Justify to you? Why? Morality is a fairly personal thing and there's no absolute rights or wrongs for all people.

So let's say they are married and love each others company but don't enjoy sex with each other. Perhaps she is also sleeping around?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a reason I believe I'm a good swinger single is:

I can meet without it really being about the sex, so parties etc,overnite fun, fun anywhere really are all good for me.

it is an adult sex based site, however I really cant imagine many men(the married 'singles' having the wish to have a variety of meets.I'd just imagine its all about getting their hole.

single married women, can usually be the same possibly...although might have more an interest in some social aspects..

bottom line in my opinion,just dont do the justifying cheating to others and expect everyone to be all open armed about it...or open legged

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I really live by the saying " don't judge others unless you have walked in their shoes "

i dont see what there is to judge..

cheaters have to lile and decieve there other half just to get what they want.. thats fact not judement.. they lie cos they know it will cause upset to the other half.. another fact cos if it wasnt going to cause upset they wouldnt lie.. so they are only thinking of themselves and being selfish..

i dont liek selfish behaviour..

not judging just going on fact XD

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"-if you are doing this behind your partners back then theres no other word apart from "wrong" to describe it.

- I dont agree with this at all... there are all sorts of circumstances that would make it wrong to tell a partner.

Playing devils advocate here, but please could you give examples of 'all sorts of circumstances' that justify cheating?

Justify to you? Why? Morality is a fairly personal thing and there's no absolute rights or wrongs for all people.

So let's say they are married and love each others company but don't enjoy sex with each other. Perhaps she is also sleeping around? "

then guessing they are being honest with each other and defining their relationship.. so isnt cheating..

when you make a commitment its about the 2 of you and both parties need to be honest and open..

lying and deciving the other is just selfish actions..

its threads liek this make me so happy to be single lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I really live by the saying " don't judge others unless you have walked in their shoes "

i dont see what there is to judge..

i dont liek selfish behaviour..

not judging just going on fact XD"

When put like that , it's a fair comment

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By *infulDesiresCouple
over a year ago

"if you are doing this behind your partners back then theres no other word apart from "wrong" to describe it.

I dont agree with this at all... there are all sorts of circumstances that would make it wrong to tell a partner.

I think people are sometimes too quick to judge other peoples situations without knowing the full details. "

Totally agree with this, far too many people make judgements about situations they do not fully understand.

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By * n zCouple
over a year ago

leamington spa

No matter what anyone says, cheating has gone on since the dawn of mankind and will continue to go on.......its obviously in our makeup, and even if you have strong feelings against it, there will always be someone you probably know very well who has done it.

Maybe one day it will be your son, daughter, brother sister who is the "cheater" I hope they don't get slandered down with the rest of them........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Often the most vociferous of opponents are the most likely to be culprits of the crime they accuse others of.

Remembering of course that no matter how open we are about swinging there are many in the population who see what we do as cheating as well..

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"It's simple. ..is this a dating site or a swinging sit whether u are in a relationship or not. ...isn't swinging supposed to be NSA in nature? Im I'm prepared to be lambasted.....

Without a trace of irony you write this, whilst on your profile you state you're seeking "uncomplicated" sex.

Guess what Kemosabe, aren't we all: for some of us single men are "uncomplicated!"

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I say strange due to the fact we all have opinions but I do not concern myself with other ppls.. its a swingers site saying cheating is wrong..maybe it is but think we all know that but I would not say that on a swingers sure because most single ppl on here prob are in a relationship one way or another....if you are a cpl then we'll done to you both doing it.. but unless you are the type of ppl who are honest completely and all their friends and family including their kids know about what you do then I say ok voice your opinion..if not then we are all liers "

For us simple folk, please explain the correlation between having sex with strangers whilst your partner is unaware and having a "private" life as a couple that you don't tell your kids about.

Please, enlighten us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Married for twenty years, my wife is disabled. It's been ten years since we had full sex, four years since we had any real intimacy. To be perfectly honest, if she wasn't so ill I'd have left years ago but what kind of man walks out on a disabled woman? I'm her husband, her carer and her friend and just as I couldn't break her heart by leaving, I couldn't hurt her by rubbing her nose in her inability to be a wife for me.

I don't meet often and I'm very choosy who I do meet, but it's a pressure relief valve that helps relieve the stress in a dysfunctional relationship and possibly keeps us together.

Go ahead, judge me. Am I a bad man?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Married for twenty years, my wife is disabled. It's been ten years since we had full sex, four years since we had any real intimacy. To be perfectly honest, if she wasn't so ill I'd have left years ago but what kind of man walks out on a disabled woman? I'm her husband, her carer and her friend and just as I couldn't break her heart by leaving, I couldn't hurt her by rubbing her nose in her inability to be a wife for me.

I don't meet often and I'm very choosy who I do meet, but it's a pressure relief valve that helps relieve the stress in a dysfunctional relationship and possibly keeps us together.

Go ahead, judge me. Am I a bad man?"

Hardly her fault she ended up with a disabilty

As I said earlier you live by your commitments you make!

If my son was disabled and I could never have sex again It would be no problem cos he is way more important than getting my leg over!

In sickness and health

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I don't meet often and I'm very choosy who I do meet, but it's a pressure relief valve that helps relieve the stress in a dysfunctional relationship and possibly keeps us together.

Go ahead, judge me. Am I a bad man?"

Prime example of a duplicitous married man!

Forum thread, married man, staying with his disabled wife, won't leave her as he's not a cad, just wants occasional sexual relief.

Profile: separated from a sexless marriage now looking to make whoopy with a merry band of regulars!

Spot the difference!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No matter what anyone says, cheating has gone on since the dawn of mankind and will continue to go on.......its obviously in our makeup, and even if you have strong feelings against it, there will always be someone you probably know very well who has done it.

Maybe one day it will be your son, daughter, brother sister who is the "cheater" I hope they don't get slandered down with the rest of them........"

yeahh...it will..but not everyone...

and not everyone, brother,sister,son etc will come looking for validation...essentially, If im reading the same usual posts of this nature, to basically exclaim:

"I'm not getting enough shags from this site,I've been honest about my relationship..so I should get more sex.I'm available and very small windows through the day..so essentially, I'll get a hotel room or come to urs and fuck u for a bit"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe one day it will be your son, daughter, brother sister who is the "cheater" I hope they don't get slandered down with the rest of them........"

If I found out my son was cheating I would be having very strong words with him and be very upset and I think he would deserve to been seen in a bad light for soing so!

As a parent it would be my job to help him with his problems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Prime example of a duplicitous married man!

Forum thread, married man, staying with his disabled wife, won't leave her as he's not a cad, just wants occasional sexual relief.

Profile: separated from a sexless marriage now looking to make whoopy with a merry band of regulars!

Spot the difference!

She's in a care home, hence "separated" and able to accommodate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are all church married swinging couples to be condemned? After all didn't they promise to forsake all others? They are surely breaking their vows?

Exactly my sentiments

Narrowmindedness at its best

So if a couple are open and honest about having sex with others then they are still partaking as one and a partnership"

Yep, a holy man would accept that!

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By * n zCouple
over a year ago

leamington spa

Maybe one day it will be your son, daughter, brother sister who is the "cheater" I hope they don't get slandered down with the rest of them........

If I found out my son was cheating I would be having very strong words with him and be very upset and I think he would deserve to been seen in a bad light for soing so!

As a parent it would be my job to help him with his problems"

And what would you say if he told you he'd been unhappy for years, tried to talk to his wife but she wouldn't listen, told you he had been taken for granted and controlled and now he'd met someone who made him feel alive and wanted again.........

I'm not saying its right but people cheat for a reason, anyone who's been to relate knows that its not just the person who cheats that is to blame for the situation, the other person also needs to look at themselves at what they have failed to bring to the relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd want my son to be happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are all church married swinging couples to be condemned? After all didn't they promise to forsake all others? They are surely breaking their vows?

Exactly my sentiments

Narrowmindedness at its best

So if a couple are open and honest about having sex with others then they are still partaking as one and a partnership

Yep, a holy man would accept that!

Did u also read my next post about forsaking?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd want my son to be happy."

Me too.. So would hate to see him in a relationship that he couldn't feel fulfilled no matter what.

Also I would consider a daughter in law my family too (is that not what the in law part means) and would hate to see my son disrespecting her for his selfish reasons!

If they have problems I hope I would be able to offer the support needed to help them through it..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd want my son to be happy.

Me too.. So would hate to see him in a relationship that he couldn't feel fulfilled no matter what.

Also I would consider a daughter in law my family too (is that not what the in law part means) and would hate to see my son disrespecting her for his selfish reasons!

If they have problems I hope I would be able to offer the support needed to help them through it.."

Well that's fair enough. All I'd say is we can't all find the ideal solution and most of us muddle through trying to do the best we can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd want my son to be happy.

Me too.. So would hate to see him in a relationship that he couldn't feel fulfilled no matter what.

Also I would consider a daughter in law my family too (is that not what the in law part means) and would hate to see my son disrespecting her for his selfish reasons!

If they have problems I hope I would be able to offer the support needed to help them through it..

Well that's fair enough. All I'd say is we can't all find the ideal solution and most of us muddle through trying to do the best we can."

Well as I said before, I don't like selfishness

Altho I accept a lot of people cheat, I will never understand how anyone can put the need for sex before the wellbeing and feelings of loved ones

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And with respect, that's a very female viewpoint and comes from the gender who can usually have as much sex as they want whenever they want it. It's like the wealthy saying they can't understand the lengths poor people go to earn a little money.

Men are wired differently to women - we seem to find it far easier to disassociate emotions from sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am a married guy an state so in profile ( written by the wife by the way ) and still get messages from ladies who state no married / attached guys......

Yes this ain't E soddin harmony but if people where more honest up front and yes another category was added would help .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I meet people for NSA, uncomplicated, no hassle, no grief sex. And I make sure of this before meeting anyone, so I'm not really interested in worrying myself sick about whether they're married, single, cheating, etc etc etc.

This is a site where adults join to meet strangers for sex. This isn't a dating site, or a relationship counselling site, or a family nurturing site, or a site where we join to grade people's morals. It is a site people join for the sake of sex.

Therefore, I'm not particularly interested in what people get up to in their private lives or who they're hiding their presence on this site from.

And please nobody should ask me to consider the feelings of those partners being cheated on or the possibility of a family break up, because frankly that has got absolutely nothing to do with me.

Besides how many of us feel guilty that a large part of the lifestyle we enjoy in this part of the world comes at the great expense of people living in developing countries. A 10 year old child works 60 hrs a week & earns less than £1 per day, so we can eat seasonal fruits all year round, or buy cheap clothes & shoes, etc etc. How many of us lose sleep over this. Or do our morals only kick in when it comes to sex?

Bottom line is, live & let live. Do your own thing and don't judge others when they do theirs. After all, it is only sex!

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By *erendipity99Woman
over a year ago

Runcorn

I would not meat you. You are cheating. You also seem to be using you lack of sex with your partner as an excuse to cheat. Either end the relationship or try and make it work. Find out why she does not want sex often.

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By * n zCouple
over a year ago

leamington spa

"I'd want my son to be happy.

Me too.. So would hate to see him in a relationship that he couldn't feel fulfilled no matter what.

Also I would consider a daughter in law my family too (is that not what the in law part means) and would hate to see my son disrespecting her for his selfish reasons!

If they have problems I hope I would be able to offer the support needed to help them through it..

Well that's fair enough. All I'd say is we can't all find the ideal solution and most of us muddle through trying to do the best we can.

Well as I said before, I don't like selfishness

Altho I accept a lot of people cheat, I will never understand how anyone can put the need for sex before the wellbeing and feelings of loved ones"

Probably because by the time they cheat for what ever reason they have lost respect for their other half and the term loved one doesn't really apply..........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I meet people for NSA, uncomplicated, no hassle, no grief sex. And I make sure of this before meeting anyone, so I'm not really interested in worrying myself sick about whether they're married, single, cheating, etc etc etc.

Therefore, I'm not particularly interested in what people get up to in their private lives or who they're hiding their presence on this site from.

And please nobody should ask me to consider the feelings of those partners being cheated on or the possibility of a family break up, because frankly that has got absolutely nothing to do with me.

Bottom line is, live & let live. Do your own thing and don't judge others when they do theirs. After all, it is only sex!"

If someone handed me fruit and told me it was from child labour I wouldn't touch it.. Same as if someone says their attached I wouldn't touch them. I wouldn't loose sleep over either but I have the choice to walk away from the situation and not support it by being a part of the process!

As I said I'm not judging, just don't like selfishness.. Which is also exactly the attitude of ur statement too.. "Not my problem as I'm only thinking of myself"

I'm here for uncomplicated sex that has no comebacks or upset for anyone.. I'd like to think everything I do in life is not knowlingly causing problems for anyone else.

I accept each to their own, but if someone is going to start a thread trying to make people see its ok to cheat, then we are all allowed to air our opinions on the subject

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By *onny BonesMan
over a year ago

a block away from heaven

I'm single in every sense of the word. However, I do not have a problem with this at all. I know I will be slaughtered by some for my feelings on this. I may be wired differently or really selfish but my thoughts and attentions are on the person I am meeting with. If there is a moral issue regarding the partner that I have not met with or discussed anything with then I can not reason why I should consider their partners.

The moral issue should lie with the person presenting themselves as single not the person playing with them. The issue regarding someone's relationship is not mine. Questions about whether their relationship should continue is between them. Personally I would play with someone who was cheating, I find it a turn on to some extent.

Just my thoughts!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And with respect, that's a very female viewpoint and comes from the gender who can usually have as much sex as they want whenever they want it. It's like the wealthy saying they can't understand the lengths poor people go to earn a little money.

Men are wired differently to women - we seem to find it far easier to disassociate emotions from sex. "

I can't have as much sex as I want as I have responsibilities in my life.. As my profile states I'm not meeting atm and I haven't for months. That's cos of respect towards me son and not taking anymore timeout from him as my life is so busy with work and things atm. As I said before he will always come first and has nothing to do with disattaching emotions from sex, that statement applies surely to the person ur having sex with!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm single in every sense of the word. However, I do not have a problem with this at all. I know I will be slaughtered by some for my feelings on this. I may be wired differently or really selfish but my thoughts and attentions are on the person I am meeting with. If there is a moral issue regarding the partner that I have not met with or discussed anything with then I can not reason why I should consider their partners.

Just my thoughts!"

I guess other people have had the same as me and been contacted by these unknowing other halves.. 3 in total for me who I had no idea exsisted.. Well it makes that other person very real and the situation very real when it happens and it certainly isn't very nice in my books

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You clearly state you have a partner so if people dont like that then they know upfront and if its not their thing, they know not to contact you. Im in the same boat, im married and he doesnt know but it is in my profile. No doubt like has been said the anti-cheaters will be on my case, but I have my reasons

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am so sick of married men finding excuses for their cheating!!!

The usual "my wife has gone off sex, we are not intimate, I can't leave her because of the kids/mortgage/I still love her/we are friends/she needs me/I am a coward, I deserve to have a sex life etc etc etc" are just replacements for the truth that you don't want to face: you are not in a happy relationship and neither is she, face it and do something about it!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree . We should all respect what we have at home and think how it makes the other half feel. I have been playing away on here and there is no excuse for it. I want to experiment and try new thing that wife ain't willing to do.....but at the end of the day she is worth that sacrifice. I count my behaviour as a selfish immature action that needs be corrected . I want to play on this site I don't need to.

(I'll be taking my own advise soon and deleting this account )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Forsaking all others means exactly that! You're not allowed to redefine it to fit your own personal sexual beliefs its a pretty clear church vow in my book

The other person knowing/ agreeing surely doesn't alter that vow being broken?"

To be pedantic, people who get married in a registry office do not make these vows.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is an emotional subject as we all can see. Between the "Not bothered if they do" and "burn in Hell you cheating sinners" there is a wide gulf. I do not think it will ever be bridged.

Ultimately we are born alone and die alone and must follow our own path so long as it does not adversely affect others.

In my book, if you are in a relationship and playing away then, if asked by a prospective meet, you should tell the truth. If they do not ask then you have no obligation to tell them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Therefore, I'm not particularly interested in what people get up to in their private lives or who they're hiding their presence on this site from.

And please nobody should ask me to consider the feelings of those partners being cheated on or the possibility of a family break up, because frankly that has got absolutely nothing to do with me.

Bottom line is, live & let live. Do your own thing and don't judge others when they do theirs. After all, it is only sex!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always wonder when see profiles saying that they have a partner and no picture what they would do if one day they messaged someone who also had no picture got chatting and when they had a picture sent to them it was their own partner,how would you react ???? to the people who have got a partner and they're partners don't know?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't meet often and I'm very choosy who I do meet, but it's a pressure relief valve that helps relieve the stress in a dysfunctional relationship and possibly keeps us together.

Go ahead, judge me. Am I a bad man?

Hardly her fault she ended up with a disabilty

As I said earlier you live by your commitments you make!

If my son was disabled and I could never have sex again It would be no problem cos he is way more important than getting my leg over!

In sickness and health"

Our children are not the issue here .. The guy has a wife who is disabled , not a child .. A big difference I would say

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Therefore, I'm not particularly interested in what people get up to in their private lives or who they're hiding their presence on this site from.

And please nobody should ask me to consider the feelings of those partners being cheated on or the possibility of a family break up, because frankly that has got absolutely nothing to do with me.

Bottom line is, live & let live. Do your own thing and don't judge others when they do theirs. After all, it is only sex!"

I agree with you 100%: that's why I'm here for uncomplicated, hedonistic fun. Having to play to a stop watch, being careful not to mark, being asked to wear wife's brand of toiletries to avoid leaving scent trail, being blown out at last minute because wife wants to go to Waitrose kind of puts a damper on "just sex" for me.

The no drama, go for it no holds barred coupling I get from single men fulfils my needs...but each to their own!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the end of the day it's just sex .. Nothing more , nothing less ..

Everyone has needs , desires .., if that's is not happening within a partnership , married or unmarried , then peeps will seek elsewhere .

Are most people saying it is right to stay in a sexless marriage , cos that's not right either .

Everyone is individual here and have their own circumstances at home which drive them to another bed or try new sexual experiences that they wouldn't at home .

If OP was looking for another relationship in order to separate from wife then that's different but he just wants to fill a gap that is missing from his life ie. .. Sex

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"You clearly state you have a partner so if people dont like that then they know upfront and if its not their thing, they know not to contact you. Im in the same boat, im married and he doesnt know but it is in my profile. No doubt like has been said the anti-cheaters will be on my case, but I have my reasons"

You are here doing your thing. You're not justifying your reasons or throwing a strop because people have on their profiles "no married", and seeking sympathy with a disabled spouse.

I've met married men in the past with no qualms but the encounters weren't satisfying for me for reasons I've stated above. I'm here for me, married men play no part!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Therefore, I'm not particularly interested in what people get up to in their private lives or who they're hiding their presence on this site from.

And please nobody should ask me to consider the feelings of those partners being cheated on or the possibility of a family break up, because frankly that has got absolutely nothing to do with me.

Bottom line is, live & let live. Do your own thing and don't judge others when they do theirs. After all, it is only sex!"

If anything I prefer married men, they're less likely to develop any sort of feelings. A fair few of the (genuinely) single guys on here are looking for a relationship, I find...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(I'll be taking my own advise soon and deleting this account )"

Sake man...ye don't need to beat yer'sel up over it, just tell yer mrs you're not happy and find a compromise that makes both of you happy...don't you trust her to understand and support you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Justify to you? Why? "

No, not to me. To the persons that are being cheated on.

After all is said and done, they are the ones that will be hurt by the deeds of those that are deceiving them. Not me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me thinks there some insecure people on here who are trying to preach morality to the masses !

Usually these people have been hurt by cheating and thus given them there chip on the shoulders where cheating is concerned !

This should be a place where everyone can play without prejudice !

Leave your views and concerns private and let others have fun ! There business is there business .

Im sure the cpls preaching on here dont tell there loved ones " your mother was gangbanged lastnite whilst daddy photographed it " do they ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

slightly different things really arent they, cheating and telling family about sexlife, how you can even compare the two is beyond me.

the thing is this is a swinging site, swinging means to enjoy nsa with whoever you want, but if a person is cheating its not nsa as there are strings there.

in a couple its about exploring fantasies, in an honest and trustworthy way, if a person is cheating then they arent honest or trustworthy.

it is not about just getting your hole and willingly/unwillingly putting peoples feelings at risk and putting swingers at risk of a cheated spouse contacting/visiting them.

its not a chip on peoples shoulders its the truth and no matter how you try to justify it or what circumstances there is nothing that makes cheating right.

which is why there is no place in swinging for cheating, they are 2 very different things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Therefore, I'm not particularly interested in what people get up to in their private lives or who they're hiding their presence on this site from.

And please nobody should ask me to consider the feelings of those partners being cheated on or the possibility of a family break up, because frankly that has got absolutely nothing to do with me.

Bottom line is, live & let live. Do your own thing and don't judge others when they do theirs. After all, it is only sex!"
very very well said !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont think single guys are to blame here as someone else posted single Guy is the only option besides the amount of couples ive spoken to on here that arent actually a couple they are each in seperate relationships where partners dont know.. yet they play together and present on here as a 'couple'.

Noone is in a position to judge anyone else I feel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Me thinks there some insecure people on here who are trying to preach morality to the masses !

Usually these people have been hurt by cheating and thus given them there chip on the shoulders where cheating is concerned !

This should be a place where everyone can play without prejudice !

Leave your views and concerns private and let others have fun ! There business is there business .

Im sure the cpls preaching on here dont tell there loved ones " your mother was gangbanged lastnite whilst daddy photographed it " do they ...

Can't beat a good bit of generalizing, eh? (Just for the record, I'm not preaching. I firmly believe in free will. I'm engaging in open discussion with others that are too. *If* your comment was directed at myself then I would respectfully ask that you read the thread in its entirety.

)

Go ask a psychologist or relationship counsellor if you don't believe me, but you'll find it's those that cheat that tend to have more pressing issues with insecurities.

Those that do, and have no issues with it, are demonstrating a pathological detachment from emotional bonding.

As funny as it was, your last point is reductio ad absurdum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wasnt meant for u couple420 !

Touchy touchy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wasnt meant for u couple420 !

Touchy touchy"

lol not in the slightest!

I did say 'if'!

I used happy smileys and everything!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doesn't matter, still a ridiculous thing to say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks couple420

Like your smileys lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/06/13 12:55:13]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/06/13 13:59:00]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/06/13 14:02:13]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(I'll be taking my own advise soon and deleting this account )

Sake man...ye don't need to beat yer'sel up over it, just tell yer mrs you're not happy and find a compromise that makes both of you happy...don't you trust her to understand and support you?

We have spoke about stuff.... its one of those things where we couldn't and still have a relationship ..... I know what I should do then I see your profile and all I think of now is getting hold of you lol

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By *wingerdelightCouple
over a year ago

eastliegh

op well done for beeing honest.

but we would never play with someone who we thought was cheating, male or female, for us swinging is all about sharing and has made our relationship stronger if anything.

imagine the cheated on partner turning up on your doorstep asking for an explination, we dont need that hassle in our lives, so if we want to meet a single person we make sure they are single

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow op, don't you now wish you had worded your original post differently?

Maybe the valid question about profile types/names could be discussed another time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Each to their own. I'm not on this site to be judgemental. I'm here for a fun time with like minded people. If someone openly tells me that they are married or attached then a polite NO is all that is necessary. It's the ones that deny it just to get a shag that piss me off....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

which is why there is no place in swinging for cheating, they are 2 very different things."

Using your definitions and views on swinging which doesn't make it factual I'm afraid. Lots of people have different views on this. Your view, like mine is just an opinion not a fact!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a single guy, before fabs, I used to meet with attached/married women and did not care about the consequences of my actions.

As a single guy on fabs, I met a married woman who swung alone with hubby's consent.

To me it was about getting what I wanted.

If she didn't sleep with me then someone else would take my place. Selfish maybe but that's the nature of life.

Does that mean I condone cheating? No. I do understand everyone has their reasons.

In regards to being on here without your partners consent? We're fully grown adults who can make our own decisions.

The hurt from the deception of straying away will obviously hurt the other partner, but if that's the choice you make then you accept the consequences that come your way if the truth ever comes out.

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By *icechap50Man
over a year ago

Dudley

Just be honest and explain it all in your profile

I have,can't do anymore

Single and separated for over two years,started a divorce

It's over,I'm single (simples)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I don't want to leave her, we have a good life (sex apart) and the kids Are happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I once heard "women can fake orgasms but men can fake whole relationships". We pretty much assumed all single males who could not accommodate were not really single."

You can't accomodate and you're a couple. Whats your excuse?

I'm willing to bet its the same reason as a huge number of single guys and women can't or won't accomodate i.e. kids, lodger / flatmate, bad experience with people coming to their house etc.

I've had mets where you can just tell one half of the couple was only doing to please the other half (I made my excuses and left THAT one!), women who were actually married etc, there are a LOT of people on here with things to hide!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"slightly different things really arent they, cheating and telling family about sexlife, how you can even compare the two is beyond me.

the thing is this is a swinging site, swinging means to enjoy nsa with whoever you want, but if a person is cheating its not nsa as there are strings there.

in a couple its about exploring fantasies, in an honest and trustworthy way, if a person is cheating then they arent honest or trustworthy.

it is not about just getting your hole and willingly/unwillingly putting peoples feelings at risk and putting swingers at risk of a cheated spouse contacting/visiting them.

its not a chip on peoples shoulders its the truth and no matter how you try to justify it or what circumstances there is nothing that makes cheating right.

which is why there is no place in swinging for cheating, they are 2 very different things."

Just playing devils advocate here for a minute but I've seen your views on cheating on a number of threads before and so I'm well aware of what you think of cheating however surely if someone had a traditional marriage with traditional vows, wouldn't the very fact that the 'forsake all others' vow didn't have a additional part that said 'unless you want to swap partner through a swingers sex site then its ok', mean that anyone that didn't forsake all others would be cheating on their wife / husband?

Many of the online definitions of swinging state that its considered a 'non-monogamous' activity but surely monogamy is one of the most highly prized elements of being married?

I'm not married and never have been so I don't know but it struck me as odd that married couples who are vehemently against people on here who are cheating, could be accused of the very same thing, depending on which vows they recited at their wedding.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

cheating is doing an act without your partners knowledge that will knowingly hurt them, which funnily enough is the exact opposite of swinging, which is why the two things (cheating) and (swinging) have absolutely no part within each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"slightly different things really arent they, cheating and telling family about sexlife, how you can even compare the two is beyond me.

the thing is this is a swinging site, swinging means to enjoy nsa with whoever you want, but if a person is cheating its not nsa as there are strings there.

in a couple its about exploring fantasies, in an honest and trustworthy way, if a person is cheating then they arent honest or trustworthy.

it is not about just getting your hole and willingly/unwillingly putting peoples feelings at risk and putting swingers at risk of a cheated spouse contacting/visiting them.

its not a chip on peoples shoulders its the truth and no matter how you try to justify it or what circumstances there is nothing that makes cheating right.

which is why there is no place in swinging for cheating, they are 2 very different things.

Many of the online definitions of swinging state that its considered a 'non-monogamous' activity but surely monogamy is one of the most highly prized elements of being married?

i have explained this further up.. forsaking all others means anyone who would break up the marriage!! whether its family, friends or by cheating.

so sleeping with another person with your partners consent isnt going to break the marriage up and therefore noone needs forsaking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

also no where in the marriage vows does it say a marriage has to be monogomous..

thats an assumption you are making..

a marriage is a partnership and at the end of the day its the 2 people who decide on how they will make the marriage work and what rules they have with in their marriage

there is no hard and set rule as to whether you have to have a joint bank account

there is no set rule as to which partner is the bread winner.

marriage vows are a commitment to each other, so as long as your committed to each other how you contuct your marriage is up to the marriad people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Me thinks there some insecure people on here who are trying to preach morality to the masses !

Usually these people have been hurt by cheating and thus given them there chip on the shoulders where cheating is concerned !

This should be a place where everyone can play without prejudice !

Leave your views and concerns private and let others have fun ! There business is there business .

Im sure the cpls preaching on here dont tell there loved ones " your mother was gangbanged lastnite whilst daddy photographed it " do they ...

if someone starts a thread on the subject of cheating then everyone is allowed to view their opinions.. simple really.

i dont like cheating but i certainly have never been cheated on that i know of!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't meet often and I'm very choosy who I do meet, but it's a pressure relief valve that helps relieve the stress in a dysfunctional relationship and possibly keeps us together.

Go ahead, judge me. Am I a bad man?

Hardly her fault she ended up with a disabilty

As I said earlier you live by your commitments you make!

If my son was disabled and I could never have sex again It would be no problem cos he is way more important than getting my leg over!

In sickness and health

Our children are not the issue here .. The guy has a wife who is disabled , not a child .. A big difference I would say

how is it a big difference? is a wife not a commitment and responsibility the same as a child?

you choose to have a child and you choose to have a wife.. both decisions should be made for a lifelong commitment..

not much different to me

wife = family

children = family

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"cheating is doing an act without your partners knowledge that will knowingly hurt them, which funnily enough is the exact opposite of swinging, which is why the two things (cheating) and (swinging) have absolutely no part within each other."
. Got to agree with you there. Everyone I know who has cheated on their partners have been found out eventually. Why would anyone want to be part of the inevitable mud slinging.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

can i ask a genuine question of those who play with marrieds without consent....

if their partner was staring you in the face, hurt and angry confronting you..... What would you do?????

as much as we hear the bluster and bravado on here... what honestly would you?

because the "no my fault, not my issue" line I don't think would go very far......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"can i ask a genuine question of those who play with marrieds without consent....

if their partner was staring you in the face, hurt and angry confronting you..... What would you do?????

as much as we hear the bluster and bravado on here... what honestly would you?

because the "no my fault, not my issue" line I don't think would go very far......"

not much you could do is there

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"can i ask a genuine question of those who play with marrieds without consent....

if their partner was staring you in the face, hurt and angry confronting you..... What would you do?????

as much as we hear the bluster and bravado on here... what honestly would you?

because the "no my fault, not my issue" line I don't think would go very far......"

Surely you mean 'knowingly play with marrieds' because the vast majority of times its happened to me, I had no idea they were attached.

If the guy in question has chosen to lie to both his partner AND me, there's not much I can do about it apart from not meet again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doesn't it also say forsaking all others!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I take the single to mean your swinging as a single and not the two of you. After all it's not a dating site.

Maybe there should be a naughty boy/girl I'm doing it without my partner knowing category

Im sorry but there is NOTHING naughty about cheating on someone.....swinging is NOT about cheating of any sort in my opinion....

Have you ever witness the fallout when someone finds out about the cheating???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"can i ask a genuine question of those who play with marrieds without consent....

if their partner was staring you in the face, hurt and angry confronting you..... What would you do?????

as much as we hear the bluster and bravado on here... what honestly would you?

because the "no my fault, not my issue" line I don't think would go very far......"

I think all they could do was head down the hospital to get their faces realigned

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doesn't it also say forsaking all others!!!"

Jez read the whole thread!

Forsaking all others who will break the marriage up!

Certainly doesn't mean forsake ALL others or you would have no friends or contact with anyone

The foresaking part was also put in there so people would no longer live with their parents and would make sure they lived together as one

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"can i ask a genuine question of those who play with marrieds without consent....

if their partner was staring you in the face, hurt and angry confronting you..... What would you do?????

as much as we hear the bluster and bravado on here... what honestly would you?

because the "no my fault, not my issue" line I don't think would go very far......

I think all they could do was head down the hospital to get their faces realigned

in a sense that is why I don't see the risk of knowingly playing with people who are playing away without consent....

there is a sense of "bulletproofness" about it... arrogance in the fact they think they will never get caught

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As always will state each to their own.

It does seem however that people have a very narrow mind when it comes to their own opinions. Marriage vows = are not open to interpretation unless you wrote your own ask any padre victor priest swinging is not acceptable under such vows.

Cheating and swinging are totally separate somebody engages in the lifestyle with or with out partners consent is still a swinger same as a cheat is a cheat.

As for honesty how far does that go do we all tell prospective meets all about our private life away from the scene (ex partners,children,jobs,number of sexual partners, mental disorders) ????

Again each to their own you either do or don't. Please don't condem those that choose different from you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"can i ask a genuine question of those who play with marrieds without consent....

if their partner was staring you in the face, hurt and angry confronting you..... What would you do?????

as much as we hear the bluster and bravado on here... what honestly would you?

because the "no my fault, not my issue" line I don't think would go very far......

I think all they could do was head down the hospital to get their faces realigned

in a sense that is why I don't see the risk of knowingly playing with people who are playing away without consent....

there is a sense of "bulletproofness" about it... arrogance in the fact they think they will never get caught"

i think alot has to do with them being so self centred they truely cannot understand how it could be their fault..

cos they have the inibility to consider others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"can i ask a genuine question of those who play with marrieds without consent....

if their partner was staring you in the face, hurt and angry confronting you..... What would you do?????

as much as we hear the bluster and bravado on here... what honestly would you?

because the "no my fault, not my issue" line I don't think would go very far......

I think all they could do was head down the hospital to get their faces realigned

I cant imagine the type of married man i meet, would have a wife who behaved like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As always will state each to their own.

Cheating and swinging are totally separate somebody engages in the lifestyle with or with out partners consent is still a swinger same as a cheat is a cheat.

As for honesty how far does that go do we all tell prospective meets all about our private life away from the scene (ex partners,children,jobs,number of sexual partners, mental disorders) ????

Again each to their own you either do or don't. Please don't condem those that choose different from you

"
what a load of tosh, a cheat is a cheat and they deserve all the vitriol coming their way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As always will state each to their own.

Cheating and swinging are totally separate somebody engages in the lifestyle with or with out partners consent is still a swinger same as a cheat is a cheat.

As for honesty how far does that go do we all tell prospective meets all about our private life away from the scene (ex partners,children,jobs,number of sexual partners, mental disorders) ????

Again each to their own you either do or don't. Please don't condem those that choose different from you

your right each to their own and each to thei rown opinion!

i have gone to the church of england website and found the meaning of foresaking all others and i can guarantee if i ask my vicar he will state that as long as nothign is breaking the marriage up then what happens in the marriage is up to them. marriage is about god bringing 2 people together as one, no lies, no dishonesty and working together as one.. Cheating hardly falls under that catergory, but swinging couples do.

there is no definite rules to swinging.. some say its couples only, some say single people can do it.. some do soft and define the rules of soft between themselves.. some say its vanilla some say it should have kinks..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"can i ask a genuine question of those who play with marrieds without consent....

if their partner was staring you in the face, hurt and angry confronting you..... What would you do?????

as much as we hear the bluster and bravado on here... what honestly would you?

because the "no my fault, not my issue" line I don't think would go very far......

I think all they could do was head down the hospital to get their faces realigned

I cant imagine the type of married man i meet, would have a wife who behaved like that."

pretty ignorant then really

its amazing how hurt can make a person do things you never thought they could!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i dont think all married men get found out though as some have been cheating on them for years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As always will state each to their own.

Cheating and swinging are totally separate somebody engages in the lifestyle with or with out partners consent is still a swinger same as a cheat is a cheat.

As for honesty how far does that go do we all tell prospective meets all about our private life away from the scene (ex partners,children,jobs,number of sexual partners, mental disorders) ????

Again each to their own you either do or don't. Please don't condem those that choose different from you

what a load of tosh, a cheat is a cheat and they deserve all the vitriol coming their way.

But in some people's eyes all those who swing are cheats. Everyone has different perceptions this should be a site of open minded individuals to cover all tastes and fetishes and whilst everyone is entitled to an opinion that doesn't excuse outright damnation. If you don't agree move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

maybe not.. but it seems alot do.. and i mean alot.. just look at these talk shows with lie dectector results

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As always will state each to their own.

Cheating and swinging are totally separate somebody engages in the lifestyle with or with out partners consent is still a swinger same as a cheat is a cheat.

As for honesty how far does that go do we all tell prospective meets all about our private life away from the scene (ex partners,children,jobs,number of sexual partners, mental disorders) ????

Again each to their own you either do or don't. Please don't condem those that choose different from you

what a load of tosh, a cheat is a cheat and they deserve all the vitriol coming their way.

the OP ended with "whats your thoughts?"

i gave my thoughts and now being told i should move on cos my thoughts dont agree with yours?? yh right lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As always will state each to their own.

Cheating and swinging are totally separate somebody engages in the lifestyle with or with out partners consent is still a swinger same as a cheat is a cheat.

As for honesty how far does that go do we all tell prospective meets all about our private life away from the scene (ex partners,children,jobs,number of sexual partners, mental disorders) ????

Again each to their own you either do or don't. Please don't condem those that choose different from you

what a load of tosh, a cheat is a cheat and they deserve all the vitriol coming their way.

maybe someone would like to explain how a swinger is a cheat?

a cheat is someone who does something for personal gain regardless of the feelings of others.. whether its cheating in a relationship or cheating at a game or cheating someone out of their belongings..

how is a swinger with consent cheating there partner?

explain please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As always will state each to their own.

Cheating and swinging are totally separate somebody engages in the lifestyle with or with out partners consent is still a swinger same as a cheat is a cheat.

As for honesty how far does that go do we all tell prospective meets all about our private life away from the scene (ex partners,children,jobs,number of sexual partners, mental disorders) ????

Again each to their own you either do or don't. Please don't condem those that choose different from you

what a load of tosh, a cheat is a cheat and they deserve all the vitriol coming their way.

the OP ended with "whats your thoughts?"

i gave my thoughts and now being told i should move on cos my thoughts dont agree with yours?? yh right lol"

Read to mean thoughts on a single profile as apposed to couple and how can you say your thoughts don't agree with ours when we haven't said if we agree or not ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if my hubby cheated on me i wouldnt get angry with the other woman, i might get angry with him though, also i might wonder why he did it and if it may have been partly my fault.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

definition of a cheat = Noun

A person who behaves dishonestly in order to gain an advantage.

how is a swinger being dishonest within their relationship and commitment to their partner?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/06/13 20:06:24]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As always will state each to their own.

Cheating and swinging are totally separate somebody engages in the lifestyle with or with out partners consent is still a swinger same as a cheat is a cheat.

As for honesty how far does that go do we all tell prospective meets all about our private life away from the scene (ex partners,children,jobs,number of sexual partners, mental disorders) ????

Again each to their own you either do or don't. Please don't condem those that choose different from you

what a load of tosh, a cheat is a cheat and they deserve all the vitriol coming their way.

the OP ended with "whats your thoughts?"

i gave my thoughts and now being told i should move on cos my thoughts dont agree with yours?? yh right lol

Read to mean thoughts on a single profile as apposed to couple and how can you say your thoughts don't agree with ours when we haven't said if we agree or not ???"

but you said if you dont agree dont comment.. and thats was to the statement "cheats deserve all they get" so that would indicate you saying that if you dont liek cheating then dont comment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"definition of a cheat = Noun

A person who behaves dishonestly in order to gain an advantage.

how is a swinger being dishonest within their relationship and commitment to their partner?"

Didn't say it has to make sense please feel free to go in to any church synagog temple and ask the priest,rabbi,imam or any other religious leader their opinions on swinging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if my hubby cheated on me i wouldnt get angry with the other woman, i might get angry with him though, also i might wonder why he did it and if it may have been partly my fault.

well not everyone sees things the way you do.. plenty will see it as the woman sticking her 2 fingers up at the wife and family.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As always will state each to their own.

Cheating and swinging are totally separate somebody engages in the lifestyle with or with out partners consent is still a swinger same as a cheat is a cheat.

As for honesty how far does that go do we all tell prospective meets all about our private life away from the scene (ex partners,children,jobs,number of sexual partners, mental disorders) ????

Again each to their own you either do or don't. Please don't condem those that choose different from you

what a load of tosh, a cheat is a cheat and they deserve all the vitriol coming their way.

the OP ended with "whats your thoughts?"

i gave my thoughts and now being told i should move on cos my thoughts dont agree with yours?? yh right lol

Read to mean thoughts on a single profile as apposed to couple and how can you say your thoughts don't agree with ours when we haven't said if we agree or not ???

but you said if you dont agree dont comment.. and thats was to the statement "cheats deserve all they get" so that would indicate you saying that if you dont liek cheating then dont comment"

Again you take one sentence out of context and create your own meaning

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