FabSwingers.com forum: What makes a swinger?

By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

I have a question for you all and I'd love to hear some of your thoughts.

The term swinger gets bandied around very freely but what actually constitutes a swinger. So couples swapping with couples and couples swapping with singles I get it, now if a man or woman basically just goes with other single or married playing away men or women is that swinging? Or is it just sleeping around? Like I said I'd love to hear your opinions.

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By *p4fun60Couple
34 weeks ago

Hampshire

So when we first entered the lifestyle many years ago,it was termed as wife swapping, & you needed to be an actual couple, but like most things over the years,it has now developed with many singles in the scene,Many sadly cheating on their partners & with a lot of singles using it as an extension to Tinder & Plenty of Fish

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By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

I agree, and I know we all have our reasons for doing what we do but is it right to call them swinger's or are they just sluts? And I mean both sexes obviously xxx

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By *eautifully TwistedWoman
34 weeks ago

Telford

I think just singles hooking up with singles isn't really swinging. If you are a single and would have a swinging relationship then I would say your a swinger at heart. Some singles like couples, clubs, voyerism , group fun etc so I would say they are.

I suppose people call themselves or things what they like now regardless of the actual definitions of anything.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
34 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

I'm a solo polyamorous, kinky, nudist/naturous swinger.

I'm a swinger because yes I play with single men in swinger clubs and I'm single but I also play with the male counterpart of couples and when I go to a swinger club with one of my playmates, I swap with him and another couple.

I think swingers play with couples, especially in swinger clubs and swinger events. The swap can be bi swap or straight swap or cuckold or bull or stag/vixen and all the numerous permutations there can be. It's usually a group activity because you are considering 3 people's emotions, sensations and thoughts, and it's a three-way minimum connection without the full-blown commitment of a full-time poly relationship.

Swinger clubs have rules that hook-ups, casual dating and apps do not have.

Load of people call themselves sluts now so there needs to be more specific communications about what they actually mean by slut for me.

One of the people in my rope and local circle calls themselves Ropeslut! Lol! Some people their kink is degrading words and actions.

I mean you could say a slut will have penetrative sex with anyone but that's not really my experience in the alternative sexual lifestyle scene. Yeah I love cock but my annoying brain does things to put me off people ( not their fault) so I cant' say I will have sex with anyone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

You sound like you are the definition of a proper swinger in my opinion xx but you're right slut is also banded about I'm just curious as I don't think the majority of people on here even know what a swinger is and use it as an extension of POF or tinder xx

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By *oochie DeLiciousWoman
34 weeks ago

Wolvo

I don't class myself as a swinger, being a single lady. Im not a slut either, which by dictionary definition, is a promiscuous person. I enjoy many aspects of the swinging scene such as clubs, socials, parties, sexual activity with selected individuals & couples, even the educational aspect of the scene.

I do agree many misunderstand the meaning of swinging. Should access to swinging be more restricted?

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By *CExeCouple
34 weeks ago

Hong-Kong/Exeter

It's a tricky thing to describe. We've had a couple of messages since being on here from guys that essentially said, 'If I had a girl like Chels, I wouldn't share her'.....right, so why are you on a Swingers site? We see swinging as open minded, non committal sex with others. Sadly, the site has changed from 10+ years ago when I was a singleton. Back then single guys like me would have regular arrangements with couples rather than the Tinderesque messages and meets that seem to haunt Fab today. Sex is sex, but swinging has a little bit extra added to it that it seems impossible to put into words.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
34 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

"You sound like you are the definition of a proper swinger in my opinion xx but you're right slut is also banded about I'm just curious as I don't think the majority of people on here even know what a swinger is and use it as an extension of POF or tinder xx"

Yeah they use it as a hook-up site and assume that the women on here are interested in being a fuckbuddy, a friend with benefits, a one-night stand at their house or a girlfiend...None of which I'm interested in.

Old school swingers actually become long term friends with the people that they swing with and the younger single males coming in just want their itch scratched by women who are more sexually open than women on dating apps and dating apps. Some of the older males coming in expect a cross between a porn star and their former long-term committed partners.

Just because we are more sexually open doesn't mean we will and can fuck everyone, male, female or other genders.

It's the disconnect that so many men have between fantasy porn and sexual reality.

Real women are not free porn stars. No matter the locker room chat and bravado.

When I talk to swinger/non-monogamous men who have functional relationships with their partners, they get it. Women want and like different things and it's best to ask and not assume. That's what makes them attractive to me.

When it's a group of swingers who understand the need to make everyone feel safe and sexy while vulnerable, it's amazing. It's not all penetration-focused or cock-focused. It's balanced.

A lot of people are only focused on their pleasure, male or female and that throws the vibe off.

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By *morousCouple8Couple
34 weeks ago

Cumbria

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
34 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

"I don't class myself as a swinger, being a single lady. I'm not a slut either, which by dictionary definition, is a promiscuous person. I enjoy many aspects of the swinging scene such as clubs, socials, parties, sexual activity with selected individuals & couples, even the educational aspect of the scene.

I do agree that many misunderstand the meaning of swinging. Should access to swinging be more restricted? "

I'm promiscuous by the definition that I have many sexual partners.

I'm not promiscuous by the definition being indiscriminate. I can't just have sex with anyone, even if I'm attracted to them.

I don't think many men and a few women are getting any educational aspect of swinging. They just want their itch scratched by any means.

The way my brain is wired, it won't let me do that.

It's worse now that I've had therapy and know about the psychological harm that can happen from having indiscriminate sex.

I don't know if the access should be more restricted, but it certainly needs more education.

I find myself teaching men a lot!...just basic stuff I learnt when I was 13! I dunno maybe internet porn has ruined sex and swinging? Like they don't know what the kama sutra is..... They don't know how to arouse a woman. They don't know how to arouse themselves.

All they know is how to have a wank alone in their bed, sitting up or chair while being titillated by porn.

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By *udgyMan
34 weeks ago

Liverpool

Am single bi sub had few mmf 3sums would love to go to proper swingers club nervous though

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
34 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

" It's a tricky thing to describe. We've had a couple of messages since being on here from guys that essentially said, 'If I had a girl like Chels, I wouldn't share her'.....right, so why are you on a Swingers site? We see swinging as open minded, non committal sex with others. Sadly, the site has changed from 10+ years ago when I was a singleton. Back then single guys like me would have regular arrangements with couples rather than the Tinderesque messages and meets that seem to haunt Fab today. Sex is sex, but swinging has a little bit extra added to it that it seems impossible to put into words."

I can describe it..but I've had intensive therapy and I've been to workshops. lol! Oh and I'm a prolific reader. I have books on sex.

I'm an academic ( deep thinker) nerd at heart and then I feel things intensely, emotionally and sensory-wise.

Domme mode combines it into my power to channel it into the sub/bottom.

Sub mode I get to relax and think about nothing and just feel. Gives the thinking part of my brain a break!

Basically, I'm a weirdo.

but I go where all the loveable weirdos go.

A swingers club with a nudist spa and a dungeon.

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By *dible_KinkCouple
34 weeks ago

Aberdeen

My rakenisnrhar swinfers are people who partake in sex involving more than 2 people - 3sums, moresums, couple swaps, parties, clubs etc. Or that are in a relationship and go out alone for sex with someone who is not their partner.

The problem with Fab these days is the site is full of shaggers. Singles specifically looking for singles - thats not swinging, it's just easy sex, which is absolutely not the same at all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

That makes sense and I get that xxx I wouldn't say singles and singles makes a swinger unless at a club

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By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

I agree I've always enjoyed meeting couples but as it's turned into tinder I'm lucky to get a message a week now lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

"My rakenisnrhar swinfers are people who partake in sex involving more than 2 people - 3sums, moresums, couple swaps, parties, clubs etc. Or that are in a relationship and go out alone for sex with someone who is not their partner.

The problem with Fab these days is the site is full of shaggers. Singles specifically looking for singles - thats not swinging, it's just easy sex, which is absolutely not the same at all."

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By *unning onCouple
34 weeks ago

leatherhead

We see it simply as consensual and recreational swapping of sex partners. The important bit is that there's no emotional attachment, we're in it for the thrill of fucking

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By *eeshellsCouple
34 weeks ago

Reading

[Removed by poster at 26/09/25 09:12:18]

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By *eeshellsCouple
34 weeks ago

Reading

"We see it simply as consensual and recreational swapping of sex partners. The important bit is that there's no emotional attachment, we're in it for the thrill of fucking "
Short, concise and accurate.

However, we are seeking a connection, although not the same as the emotional one that is our marriage.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

"We see it simply as consensual and recreational swapping of sex partners. The important bit is that there's no emotional attachment, we're in it for the thrill of fucking Short, concise and accurate.

However, we are seeking a connection, although not the same as the emotional one that is our marriage. "

That's exactly what most swinger's are after I think, a connection but nothing emotionally charged as soon as that happens and it inevitably does in my experience then it's not swinging anymore but I do agree there has to be more than attraction

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
34 weeks ago

Coventry

As someone who has been both I see swinging as something you do as a single and in a relationship. I don't define it so much as who does what to who as there's many dynamics on the seen. More it's just people who enjoy the lifestyle with others people, including multiple people at the same time. As a couple it's simply sharing the lifestyle together and opening up your sexual activities to include others.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

"I don't class myself as a swinger, being a single lady. Im not a slut either, which by dictionary definition, is a promiscuous person. I enjoy many aspects of the swinging scene such as clubs, socials, parties, sexual activity with selected individuals & couples, even the educational aspect of the scene.

I do agree many misunderstand the meaning of swinging. Should access to swinging be more restricted? "

You sound exactly like me xx I took don't consider myself a swinger but I have enjoyed what most would say are swinging exploits, I don't know if restrictions are necessary just maybe changing the name to fabtinder lol xxx

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By *ice_genuine_guyMan
34 weeks ago

around

"We see it simply as consensual and recreational swapping of sex partners. The important bit is that there's no emotional attachment, we're in it for the thrill of fucking "

Probably the best definition of you were really looking for one. Especially the emotional attachment bit, it’s the difference between love and sex - which is why some people couldn’t be in the lifestyle as they can’t unlink the 2

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By *afkaMan
34 weeks ago

Nottingham

"We see it simply as consensual and recreational swapping of sex partners. The important bit is that there's no emotional attachment, we're in it for the thrill of fucking "

Nailed it

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By *ice_genuine_guyMan
34 weeks ago

around

Nothing against OP here - but it’s a bit of a shame people wish to label everything, why can’t we all just be people who have desires we indulge in consensually?

My opinion only

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By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

"Nothing against OP here - but it’s a bit of a shame people wish to label everything, why can’t we all just be people who have desires we indulge in consensually?

My opinion only "

I get that and I agree, it should all be nice and breezy but it's when people get offended by the non normal that labels start getting thrown around, and then it's not fun

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By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

"We see it simply as consensual and recreational swapping of sex partners. The important bit is that there's no emotional attachment, we're in it for the thrill of fucking "

Absolutely, like you say when emotions get involved you then tend to see the person you don't want to.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

Thanks for all your messages it's one of the few times I've done this and I have to say the response has been better than expected and cleared a few things in my head space

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